ᶻ 𝘇 𐰁

she/they age twenty

[mayyliin]

a guide to: mayyliin - blog navigation

masterlist. | nsfw fics (side blog)

hi (: welcome to my blog! thank you for stopping by, my name is may and i wish you a very pleasant visit. 🫶🏽

this blog is a safe place for lgbtq+ folks, poc, and everyone nice <3

[persianmom]

[nondelphic]

writing isn’t hard. i just have to extract 80,000 words from my brain using sheer psychic force

[girlsonfilms]

.𖥔 ݁ 🍂 ── .✦

biblically accurate effie & james

[starsdoll]

you like yellow, right? as requested

in which aerion isn't very good at letting go

wc: 1.3k [ nothing good grows here ]

content warning: 18+ mdni | failed reconciliation | angst | mentions of smoking/drinking | aerion's lowkey begging

masterlist ────୨ৎ──── taglist

It'd been five months since you told Aerion you couldn't do it anymore and left for the house your grandmother left you. It'd been three months since he stopped coming around asking to "talk about it." And it was still raw. Like sticking a band-aid on an open wound and pretending it didn't still bleed.

You'd promised you'd come; it was Daella's birthday. Maegor had been talking about it for weeks—about the cake, about seeing Papa. You couldn't say no. He was just a month shy of turning two, and he'd asked, in that tiny voice that broke your heart, if Daddy would be there too. You'd said yes. Because it wasn't about you and Aerion anymore. It was about Maegor.

Maekar's backyard was chaos, as always. Kids screaming, adults drinking cheap beer, someone grilling burgers while someone else argued about lawn games. You'd barely stepped out of your car when Maegor was already wiggling in your arms, pointing at the swing set.

"Mama, swing!"

"Yeah, baby, we'll go swing," you murmured, adjusting him on your hip. Your stomach tightened as you scanned the crowd and saw Aerion by the cooler with a cigarette in his mouth. He hadn't seen you yet; he was laughing at something Daeron said, but you knew the second he did, it'd ruin whatever peace you'd managed to scrape together.

You set Maegor down, holding his hand as he dragged you toward the swings. You could feel eyes on you—Maekar, Daella, maybe even Egg. They were good people, but they were loyal to Aerion first and foremost. You didn't blame them. You just hated the pity.

You got Maegor settled on a swing and began pushing him gently while trying to ignore the way your skin prickled. Then you heard the crunch of boots on grass and inhaled the smell of smoke.

"Baby. You came."

"I said I would."

"Still... thanks. For bringin' him."

"Aerion, he's our son. I'm not keeping him from you."

You sounded tired. You were tired. You pushed the swing again, your focus on Maegor, who was giggling and completely oblivious.

Aerion moved to stand closer. He stood just behind you. You could feel the heat of him, the way he always seemed to take up all the air around you. "You look good."

You laughed under your breath and shook your head. "Don't."

"Don't what? Tell you the truth?"

"Just... don't."

He didn't listen, of course. He was never good at that. He just stepped around you to lean against the swing set pole, always watching you with those damn eyes. "You been okay?"

"Peachy. You?"

"I've been better," he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. "I, uh, got my dad to give me more hours at the shop. And I stopped goin' to the bar as much."

"That's good. I'm... I'm glad."

"Baby, can we—"

"Mama! Higher!" Maegor's voice cut through the tension, giving you a moment to finally let out the breath you'd been holding since you heard him approach.

You gave him one more push, then turned to face Aerion. "I'm not doing this here, Aerion. Not today."

He sighed, looking like he wanted to argue but didn't know how without you slapping him or upsetting his son. "Alright. But later—"

"There is no later. There's just Maegor. That's it."

You left him standing there, going to grab Maegor when he started whining about being hungry. The rest of the party went by in a blur. You smiled when you had to, made small talk with Daella, let Maekar hold Maegor while you got a plate of food. Every time you felt Aerion's eyes on you, you ignored it. Because if you didn't, you'd break.

By the time it was dark and Maegor was asleep in his car seat, you were exhausted.

You didn't realize Aerion had followed you to your car until you rounded it to open your door and saw him leaning against the back bumper. "What, Aerion?"

"Just let me talk to you, fuck... Please."

"What is there to talk about? We're not together. We're not getting back together. We have a son together, and that's all."

His jaw tightened, and his eyes flashed with that familiar stubbornness that pushed you away in the first place. "You don't mean that."

"I do," you insisted, even though part of you didn't. "We were awful for each other, Aerion. You know it."

"I know I wasn't perfect, but you—"

"I wasn't either; I get it! But that's not the point. The point is, we broke up for a reason. And I can't keep doing this back-and-forth shit with you. Not when Maegor's involved."

"So that's it? We're just... what? Fuckin' co-parents or whatever you call it, who see each other at birthdays and holidays?"

"Isn't that what you wanted? Your freedom? No 'ball and chain'?"

"Fuck you. You know that's not what I wanted."

"Then what did you want, Aerion? Because I can't do this anymore. I can't keep hoping you'll change and then being disappointed when you don't."

"I'm tryin'. I am. I just need you to give me a chance—"

"I gave you a chance. I gave you a million chances, Aerion. I'm done doing that for you."

You turned to get in the car, but he grabbed your arm, spinning you back around. "Please, baby. Don't do this."

"Don't," you warned. Your voice and your hands were already shaking, and you just wanted to go. "Don't make this harder than it already is. I need to get Maegor home."

He didn't listen. He kissed you. It was desperate, rough, as if he thought he could change your mind if he just kissed you hard enough. And for a second, it almost worked. You could smell the beer on his breath, the smoke in his clothes; you could feel the way he was trembling just a little. For a second, you were back in his trailer, letting him kiss you like he'd die if he didn't. But then you pulled away.

"Stop it."

He didn't, just kissed your jaw, your neck. His hands gripped your waist and stayed there. "I love you, baby. Please. I love you."

"You don't get to say that. Not now."

But his mouth found yours again, and this time you kissed him back. Because you were weak, because you were sad and your frontal lobe hadn't developed enough to fully deny him. The kiss turned messy, needy, his hands started moving up under your shirt, and you knew you were making a mistake.

"Come home," he muttered against your lips. "Just... come home. We'll do better. I'll be better."

You shook your head, even as your fingers tangled in his hair. "I can't."

"Yes, you can."

"Aerion—"

"Please, baby. I swear to God, I'll do whatever you want. Just... don't say no."

"Aerion..."

You didn't finish. Instead, you cradled his face with your hands and kissed him again, softly. He kissed you back like it was the last time he would get to, because it felt like the last time. When you finally broke apart, you didn't say anything. Just got in the car and drove away.

He didn't call that night. Didn't show up at your door, either. But the next morning, there were fresh flowers on your porch, and a new box of crayons for Maegor. And even though you knew it didn't fix anything, it was enough to make you remember the first time he gave you a flower after making you cry about running over a parking curb when he was teaching you to drive.

"I don't know about this shit. But you're real pretty and I feel like an asshole for makin' you cry, so... here," he'd said. "You like yellow, right?"

Because that's the thing about Aerion—he was always trying. And even if it wasn't enough, it was always something.

[ tags ] @rosph0ria @galactict3a @foremma444 @qardasngan @lostinthestreamofconsciousness @samthegreenapologist @samslvrgirl @darylandbethfanforever9

@wixdw @chai-sipper @znbbbbbbbb @sinarainbows @wannabethe0ne @sockz360 @michvrry @mistalli @bongothelamb @girlsagainstg-o-d @5trawb3rry-mi1k

@kravitzwhore @foul-human-123 @nnovacore @not-neverland06 @rays-forehead @brightflameprince @laufeybabe @pumpkin-babydoll @yatta-exe @vlarrtrgryn

[achesspiece]

in chess the queens can kill each other which is toxic yuri and the kings can never get within a square of each other which is doomed yaoi

[letsbelonelytogetherr]

— Bertrand Russell, from “What Desires Are Politically Important?” (via letsbelonelytogetherr)

[squuidzx]

okay rant time. Why are people so bothered by people collecting physical media (cds, vinyls, dvds, VHS, etc) and or people who prefer 'single- purpose' devices. "OH but you have spotify" "Oh but streaming exists" Well I DO NOT CARE. Spotify is problematic, Streaming sucks ass with the fact shows/movies are getting pulled off left and right and streaming prices keep increasing not to mention the AMOUNT of streaming sites there are now. Is it difficult to process that some people prefer ACTUALLY owning the shit they like. "OH BUT ITS SOOO INCONVENIENT" but atleast it's intentional? Atleast it's mine? I get to snap a DVD in and own it and watch it offline without fear of it being pulled off a streaming site. If i'm listening to music on my phone and i get a notification- I will immediately pause that song, get distracted and not actually enjoy the music when sometimes I just want to unplug and listen to music un-interrupted and with cds/vinyls ATLEAST i can do that. I use an MP3 player for the single purpose of listening to music. "Your phone can do that" but I do nottt wanna use my phone all the time because it feels like every app on there is CONSTANTLY fighting for my attention or shoving AI in my face and i'm just TIIIRED of it. I've been ignoring these types of people but whenever I do actually check the comments of other physical media collectors like myself the comments are FILLED with people being so mean or judgmental and honestly i'm just sick of seeing it. NO ONE is telling you to switch to physical media, no one is shoving it to your face- People finally found a lifestyle they enjoyed, their collection is NOT harming you. I grew up on DVDS, getting back into building my own collection again has been healing. I'm from somewhere where there are NO dvd stores anymore and it's practically extinct which means it's been hard to collect them and yet I still do because I love owning the shows I like and something about seeing my collection grow with stuff I enjoy and want to watch has brought me so much joy. Its MY collection, its MY media, I became my own algorithm and library and i genuinely love that.

[storm-of-feathers]

tumblr is great bc its like a diary where I can take other peoples diary entries and glue them into my own diary

[starsdoll]

fishing knots

based off nothing good grows here headcannons

pairing: modern!tt!aerion targaryen x fem!reader

summary: … aerion was a glad child once. he liked fishing ⟢

wc: 1.4k

content warning: 18+ mdni | can you even call it fluff?? | ooc aerion | this is sfw, aerion cusses is all.

The diner closed in twenty minutes.

You'd already stacked the high chairs, wiped the last booth twice over, and counted the register while Maegor colored quietly beside the pie display with a handful of broken crayons the manager kept in a coffee mug. Every few minutes he'd glance toward the windows, searching the nearly empty parking lot with all the unwavering faith only a four-year-old could possess.

"Daddy's truck 'nna be here soon," he said for what had to be the sixth time that evening.

You smiled anyway.

"I know, sweetheart."

And you did know. Not because he was reliable—Aerion rarely was—but because Maegor had spent the past three weeks practicing fishing knots with the little plastic ones his father had bought him after the last trip to the river. He'd shown them off proudly after breakfast, insisting they were strong enough now to catch anything.

And Aerion wouldn’t leave his son hanging.

The bell above the door chimed as the last customer left, thanking you with a tired smile before heading toward their car. You watched the headlights fade into the evening, mentally calculating how long it would take to finish cleaning the dining area, sweep the kitchen, and lock up.

Twenty minutes. Plenty of time.

Only your patience was wearing thin.

At three minutes to closing, your phone buzzed against the countertop, lighting up with Aerion's name. Your stomach tightened slightly. You stared at the screen for all of three seconds before swiping to answer.

"Hey," you greeted quietly, stepping toward the break room where Maegor couldn't hear every word.

Aerion's voice came through scratchy, background noises suggesting he was still in his truck. "Hey. Listen, I'm—"

"You're running late." You sighed, leaning against the wall, already resigned to the explanation before it came.

"I got held up at work. Parts delivery didn't show 'til six, and one of the guys needed a ride home—"

"The shop's not even five minutes away, Aerion."

"It's not… fuck, it's not that, okay? I was tryna help out, and then traffic outta town was a mess. I'm already on my way. Should be there in—"

"Fifteen minutes?" you interrupted, glancing at the clock. The diner was supposed to be locked up and empty by now. "I need to get home. And Maegor can’t be sleeping too late."

"Ten. Ten minutes, baby. I'm movin' as fast as I can. Tell Maegor I'm comin', alright? He's gonna think I forgot."

You closed your eyes briefly, torn between irritation and understanding. It was always one thing or another with him; just consistently poor timing and priorities arranged in all the wrong order. But you knew he'd be here.

"He's already waiting," you said softly. "I'll keep him distracted. Just... drive carefully."

"Yeah," Aerion muttered, sounding genuinely guilty. "Thanks. And, uh... I'll see you soon."

The call ended. You lingered for a moment before heading back into the dining area, where Maegor was now standing on his tiptoes to peer through the window again.

"Your daddy’s on his way, bug," you said, bending to scoop him into your arms. "He had to finish work first, but he'll be here real soon."

Maegor wrapped his arms around your neck, his small face pressing into your shoulder. "We gonna catch big fish?"

"Absolutely. The biggest ones in the whole Blackwater."

He pulled back just enough to look at you with wide, serious eyes. "Daddy says there's catfish bigger'n me."

You smiled, brushing his hair from his forehead. "Well, then you just have to be extra brave tomorrow, don't you?"

"Uh-huh." He nodded firmly before squirming to be put down. "I gotta show him my knots again."

"Better make sure they're perfect, then."

You watched him return to his drawing, his small fingers gripping the purple crayon with intense concentration. The sight always softened something inside you, no matter how exhausted you were or how frustrated Aerion's last-minute changes made you. You'd do this all over again a thousand times just to see that determined little face.

Seventeen minutes later, as you were wiping down the counter one final time just to calm your nerves, the familiar rumble of an old blue truck pulled into the parking lot. Maegor's head snapped up instantly, the recognition bright in his eyes.

"Daddy!" He scrambled off his chair, racing toward the door with all the enthusiasm his small legs could manage.

You set the cloth aside, smiling despite yourself as Aerion stepped out of the truck, his hair wind-tossed, jeans stained with something dark that looked like motor oil, his t-shirt clinging to him in the humid evening air. He looked tired but happy to see his son, crouching immediately to catch Maegor in his arms as he launched himself forward.

"Hey, bug." Aerion's voice was softer when he spoke to Maegor, all the rough edges smoothed away. "Missed you all this time."

"Missed you more!" Maegor declared, wrapping his arms tightly around his father's neck. "I made new knots! For fishing!"

"Yeah? Gotta see these knots," Aerion said, standing with Maegor perched on his hip as he approached you. His gaze met yours briefly. You saw a flicker of apology in his blue eyes before he looked away again. "Sorry I'm late. Shit day at the shop. And traffic…"

"It's fine," you replied, which wasn't entirely true but close enough. You leaned forward to press a quick kiss to Maegor's temple. "Be good for your daddy, okay? And remember to brush your teeth before bed."

"I will," Maegor promised solemnly, already wiggling to be let down so he could retrieve his backpack.

Aerion set him gently on his feet, watching as he ran back inside to grab his drawings and clean up the crayons. For a moment, the two of you stood there in awkward silence, the history between you settling like dust between the spaces you no longer knew how to cross.

"Need help closin' up?" Aerion offered, shifting his weight uncomfortably.

"I'm just about finished," you said, turning to wipe your hands on your apron. "Really, it's okay. Just have to lock up and head out."

He nodded, scratching the back of his neck—a nervous habit you remembered from years ago. "How's he been? This week?"

"Good." You smiled faintly. "He's been practicing writing his name. Almost has it down."

Aerion's expression softened. "Yeah? Smart kid. Takes after his mama."

The compliment landed strangely between you, too familiar and yet not familiar enough after all this time. You looked away, toward where Maegor was carefully placing each crayon back into the coffee mug.

"He misses you," you said quietly, not looking at him. "On the days you don't see him."

"I know." There was genuine regret in his voice. "I'm tryin', baby. The work schedule's been—"

"I didn't mean it like that," you interrupted gently. "I just... he talks about you all the time. That's all."

Aerion didn't respond, just watched you with those intense eyes that had once been able to read your every thought. Now there were barriers between you, years of hurt and pride and mistakes that neither of you quite knew how to dismantle.

"Daddy, look!" Maegor returned, proudly displaying his drawing: a wobbly interpretation of what appeared to be a river with enormous fish and two stick figures holding fishing rods.

"That's the best damn fishin' picture I ever saw," Aerion declared, taking the paper with exaggerated appreciation. "We're gonna catch those big ones tomorrow, huh?"

Maegor nodded enthusiastically, already forgetting his impatience from earlier. "Can I sleep with my dragon tonight?"

"Course you can." Aerion ruffled his hair before glancing at you again. "We should get goin'. Let you finish up here."

You nodded, walking them to the car. "Call if you need anything. And remember—"

"Sunscreen and life jacket," Aerion finished with a small smile. "I remember."

"Good." You bent down to hug Maegor tightly, breathing in the familiar scent of his hair, something between playground dust and the strawberry shampoo he insisted on getting last week. "Love you, sweet boy. Have fun tomorrow."

"Love you, Mommy." He squeezed your neck before pulling away to climb into his booster seat.

Aerion waited until Maegor was buckled in, shutting the door gently before turning back to you. For a moment, he seemed to hesitate, as though there were a dozen things he wanted to say but couldn't quite find the right words.

"Thanks," he said finally, his voice lower than before. "For... you know. Everything."

You nodded, swallowing against the sudden tightness in your throat. "Drive safe."

He lingered another second, his eyes searching yours in that way that always made your heart beat a little faster. Then he turned away, rounding the truck to the driver's side. The engine rumbled to life, and you watched as they pulled out of the parking lot, Maegor waving through the back window until they disappeared down the road.

[ tags ] @rosph0ria @galactict3a @foremma444 @qardasngan

[heavensghost]

Apple zine! With a little poem I wrote

[stlowens]

Sylvia Plath, from The Unabridged Journals [ID in alt text]

[hallow-witxh]

So You Want To Use Fruit In Your Spell Work

Here's a list of some common fruits (at least here in my corner of the USA) and their most commonly practiced properties.

Apple: Love, success, healing, happiness, joy, peace

Apricot: Lust, love, peace, affection

Banana: Spirituality, fertility, luck, love, prosperity

Blackberry: Lust, protection, healing, prosperity

Blueberry: Protection, peace, calmness

Cherry: Joy, love

Cranberry: Protection

Grape: Dreaming, prosperity, fertility

Grapefruit: Cleansing, healing, purification (eat with caution if you're on meds!)

Lemon: Purification, cleansing, removing blockages, energy

Lime: Love, peace, protection, cleansing, purification

Mango: Protection, lust, affection, love

Melon: Purification, healing

Nectarine: Love, affection, intimacy

Orange: Purification, healing, luck, love, prosperity

Peach: Longevity, wisdom, joy, fertility, love

Pear: Longevity, lust, love, prosperity, luck

Pineapple: Love, lust, protection, prosperity

Plum: Protection, love, lust

Pomegranate: Creativity, luck, prosperity, wishes

Raspberry: Energy, joy, love, protection

Strawberry: Success, romance, love, luck

Watermelon: Healing

Remember, everyone, always dig a little deeper if you're struggling and never accept the first answer you find as ultimate truth! Knowledge is power, and power is control. Safe practicing and blessed be!

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[givemearmstopraywith]

online library so far:

margaret atwood

the brontës (the complete works is a MASSIVE file fyi)

anne carson

hélène cixous

bell hooks

clarice lispector

audre lorde

virginia woolf

compilations

feminist theory

academic writing (both books and articles)

everything here is in pdf format so you should be able to download and read it on any device. it’s slow going because i have a lot of epubs that i have to convert before uploading and the folders i’ve listed here are neither complete nor comprehensive, but it’s a start! 

[laterkiss]

i have [gestures vaguely] my tendencies

[tall]

[termagax]

about to say something mean but i feel like every "male-specific" issue is something that also happens to women its just that a lot of you dont seem to see women as people

[termagax]

women are also feeling lonely and alienated from communities en masse women are also expected to stifle their mental health for the sake of perfomance at work, in relationships, for children ect women are also expected to work extremely hard to maintain a perfect body and perfect health and are punished for being fat/having hair loss/having health issues especially those that affect ones sex life women are also insecure women are also neglected by parents and teachers and authority figures women are also scrutinized for having emotions and punished for not meeting the gendered expectations of our class and expected to climb upwards and overcompensate while being punished for signs of poverty and we get the added bonus on top of, yknow, being women. your emotional issues are not a Crisis Attacking Manhood theyre the way our society is fucking built you just dont see women as people