McBiteypants Presents

A series of random things. she/her • old enough to be your mom

[mcbiteypantspresents]

Murderbot is about to become my whole personality. I adore the books and can’t wait for the series!! Anyway I made some fanart, please enjoy… it’s up on my Redbubble!

Follow me on Instagram!

[calmdowngorgeous]

Destroy the myth that libraries are no longer relevant. If you use your library, please reblog.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

actually there were 0 time travellers on the Titanic, because the time cops have an entire outpost to safeguard that one particular point in history. every rookie spends a least a month on Titanic duty and they all complain bitterly about it since it is, essentially, the time travel equivalent of being the guard who has to stop tourists from licking the Liberty Bell.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

listen. LISTEN. there's going to be somebody, maybe several somebodies, at the travel hub who's dressed nice and knows all the right words and swears back and forth that they can sell you the credentials that will get you into the Titanic's timespace. they'll sell you IDs that pass you and your friends off as 23rd century history students or, worse, some 24th century brats who will go crying to their corporate sponsors if you ruin their paid vacation.

the IDs will look very impressive. they will not come cheap. they will not help you.

there's no checkpoint to bluff your way through and nobody who wants to hear you try. if you try to time travel anywhere near the Titanic, whether you try to board with all the other passengers or appear on the boat in the middle of the voyage, you will get slammed directly into a whitespace dragnet - a time bubble, in layman's terms.

and you will be surrounded by at least a dozen time cops, all of whom are bored and cranky and very eager to flex their newfound authority, which means they will absolutely detain you for as long as possible and insist on giving you a lecture when a slap on the wrist would do. if you talk back they might double your fine or even suspend your chronal permissions for up to a year.

and then they'll send you back to the hub in your period piece clothing that will suddenly look very stupid, and the guys who sold you the ideas will have fucked off to 1998 by then and you won't have a chance in hell of getting your money back, and what I'm saying is that it's not worth it, dude. it's just not worth it.

[winterknightdragon]

This is too specific to not be from experience

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

what are you, a time cop?

[mcbiteypantspresents]

I drew an ice chest with graffiti.

If you want a tee shirt or sticker, I put it on my Redbubble, proceeds will go to the National Immigrant Law Center, or I’m open to suggestions for other organizations.

[mousenemy]

God the prices of tvs have changed so much let me get my graph

[mousenemy]

wow thats crazy... tvs used to be so expensive!!

[ralfmaximus]

Whistleblower on Reddit rage-blogs about how the food delivery company he worked for as a developer is ripping customers AND drivers off.

Main post screenshotted here in case it gets yanked; the whole thread is worth a read.

Posted January 2026.

[dailyflicks]

THE ROYAL TENENBAUMS (2001) dir. Wes Anderson

[vicdeleon]

Evergreen post.

[2x16]

i was talking to my mom about cardassians and said something along the lines of ‘what must it be like to be a cardassian civilian. like abstractly knowing the rest of the galaxy thinks of your species as ‘the evil ones’ and kinda sorta knowing your government runs labor camps and torture prisons and is a military empire, and it’s a huge deal for everyone else in the galaxy, but you just like run a restaurant so it’s not a big part of your daily life, so you just like, go about your day and make soup and don’t think about it’ and then halfway through my sentence i actually heard myself and then had to go sit down for like ten minutes. like sat down in a chair and stared at the floor for ten minutes

[sufficientlylargen]

It always gets me that the name "Gandalf" literally just means "Wand-Elf" or "Stick-Elf". I'm imagining old Gondorians just being like:

Librarian: I saw that weird guy at the library again today.

Guard 1: What weird guy?

Librarian: The old guy with the beard? Kinda elfy-looking, apart from the beard?

Guard 1: Oh, with the big-ass stick?

Librarian: Yeah, looked like he was carrying an entire tree branch.

Guard 2: Yeah, that's the Stick Elf.

Guard 1: Hell yeah, I fuckin' love the Stick Elf.

Librarian: The "Stick Elf"?

Guard 2: He comes by every few years, usually after some weird book or other.

Librarian: Oh. Yeah, he wanted a treatise on goblin breeding habits.

Guard 2: Like, how they have sex? We have books on that?

Librarian: Yeah, turns out we do. I was as surprised as you are.

Guard 1: What'd the Stick Elf need a fuckin' goblin-fuckin' book for?

Librarian: I didn't ask. So you just call him "Stick Elf"?

Guard 2: I mean, he looks kinda elfy and he always has that stick, so, like, yeah.

Guard 1: Dude also has some fuckin' dope pipeweed.

Guard 2: Oh yeah, his pipeweed is awesome.

Librarian: How long has he been coming here?

Guard 2: Oh, for decades. He's, like, super old.

Guard 1: More like fuckin' centuries. Dude's old as balls.

Guard 2: Wait, really?

Guard 1: Yeah, my gran-gran used to talk about him. She loved his pipeweed too.

Librarian: So he's… an immortal pipeweed dealer?

Guard 2: I think he's just, like, a connoisseur. He doesn't sell it or anything. He just always has some really top-notch pipeweed on him.

Archivist: Oh, are we talking about Stick Elf?

Guard 1: Hell yeah we are!

Librarian: You know about the Stick Elf, too?

Archivist: Oh, totally. Stick-Elf's a super chill dude. Gave me some awesome pipeweed when I was maybe 12, and tee-bee-aitch I think I'm still a little buzzed from it.

Guard 1: What'd I tell ya, fuckin' dope pipeweed!

Archivist: Also he's really old.

Guard 1: Old as balls.

Librarian: Yeah, so Éodan and Jenniforomir were telling me.

Archivist: My grandpa used to tell me stories - he said one time he saw Stick Elf enter a smoke-ring contest.

Guard 1: Ooh, I'll bet he kicked fuckin' ass.

Archivist: Apparently the guy made an entire warship out of smoke and it flew around shooting down the other rings.

Librarian: And how much of this "fuckin' dope" pipeweed had your grandfather had by this point?

Guard 1: No no, that's totally plausible. Dude's got weird elf powers and shit for sure.

Archivist: He brought fireworks for the king's birthday one year, too.

Guard 1: Oh fuck, I forgot about those! Fuckin' incredible fireworks! Dragons and knights and glowy trees and shit! I was fuckin' 6 years old or something, they totally blew my mind. Hey Éodan, did you see that shit?

Guard 2: No, I think that's before I lived in Gondor.

Guard 1: Wait, you're not from here?

Guard 2: Oh, no, I grew up in Rohan. We moved here when I was, like, thirteen because my uncle Éojeff said he could get my dad a sweet job. And also that there were houses that didn't smell like horseshit.

Guard 1: Oh shit, are you related to Éojeff and Éosteve who run that æbleskiver stand on Norndîl St?

Guard 2: Yeah, they're my uncles!

Guard 1: Shit, they cook a fuckin' great æbleskiver!

Librarian: Ok, hold up a sec, "Stick Elf" can't possibly be his real name.

Guard 1: Why not?

Librarian: What? You think his parents named him in the hopes that he would carry around a fucking tree when he got older?

Guard 2: Maybe they gave him the tree when he was born!

Archivist: I don't think a baby could carry that stick.

Guard 1: You ever seen a baby hanging onto something? They're hella strong.

Archivist: It's not a strength thing, their hands are tiny. That staff is enormous!

Guard 1: My halberd's bigger 'n I am, I can hold it just fine.

Archivist: You're not a baby.

Librarian: Also why would elf parents name their kid "stick ELF"?! Presumably they know that their kid's going to be an elf!

Archivist: Is he actually an elf? I didn't think they grew beards.

Guard 1: How'd he get old as balls if he's not an elf?

Guard 2: His ears aren't that pointy. Maybe he's just a really old guy? Like, a Numémoriam or something?

Guard 1: Did you just say "Numémoriam"?

Guard 2: Nûnenorman? Munimõrbitan? Y'know, those guys like the king that can get super old.

Guard 1: You mean the fuckin' Númenóreans?

Guard 2: Yeah, the Númenóreums.

Archivist: Even the Númenóreans don't live THAT long.

Guard 1: Plus he carries that fuckin' stick around.

Guard 2: Wait, what does the stick have to do with it?

Guard 1: That's an elf thing. Y'know, trees and shit? Very elfy.

Librarian: Ok, look, but his parents naming him "Stick Elf" would be weird whether or not he's an elf. In fact, it's even weirder if he's not - what human names their kid "elf"?

Archivist: Huh. Yeah, you're right, he probably does have another name.

Guard 2: Yeah, I guess so.

Librarian: He's been coming here for decades and nobody's ever asked his real name?

Archivist: I dunno what to tell you, he's Stick Elf. Even his library card just says 'Stick Elf'.

Guard 1: Fuck yeah, the Stick Elf!

Guard 2: Maybe we could, like, ask him his name sometime?

Guard 1: Hey, look, Elrond's over there. He's old as balls too, maybe he knows?

Guard 2: Oh, we shouldn't interru-

Guard 1: HEY ELROND, YOU'RE OLD AS BALLS, RIGHT? WHAT'S THAT OLD ELF WITH THE STICK'S NAME?

Elrond (coming over): Do you mean an old man cloaked all in grey and blue, leaning on a rough-cut staff, who came to the great library this day?

Guard 1: Yeah, the Stick-Elf!

Guard 2: (Sorry to bother you, sir...)

Librarian: He's got to have a real name besides 'the Stick Elf', right?

Elrond: Indeed, for no elf is he. You speak of the wizard Olórin, wisest of the Maiar, older even than Eä itself. Many are his names in many countries: Tharkûn among the Dwarves; Incánus to the south; Mithrandir he is called among my people, the Grey Pilgrim.

Librarian: Oh.

Elrond: And here in the North he is called Stick-Elf.

Librarian: Oh.

Guard 1: Fuck yeah!

[elodieunderglass]

Stop posting workplace conversations on main

[superstrijder00]

I'm sorry but this is wrong. Elrond would know that Gondor is in fact quite a lot South of ... well, all the places the Dwarves and Elves live. For Elrond Gondor is as far South as true civilisation goes, and beyond is only Saurons lackeys. Thus he would say

And here in the *South* he is called Stick-Elf

Or perhaps, since one of the other names is by the humans further south who are under the reign of Sauron

And here among the Free Men, he is called Stick-Elf

[sufficientlylargen]

@superstrijder00 A number of people have pointed out this and several other potential inconsistencies in this dialogue; I have done my best to address them in a separate post but I will also summarize these responses here for clarity:

Inconsistency #1: How can there be a king in Gondor and also a character from Rohan?

This is described as a conversation between "old Gondorians", implying that it takes place before the events of The Lord of the Rings. However, both "the king" and Rohan are mentioned; this seems contradictory because there were nearly five centuries between the death of Gondor's last king (King Eänur, in T.A. 2050) and the founding of Rohan (T.A. 2510).

But in fact, Suzannethor is referring to the famous Númenórean musician Aarondil Préslion, often called "The King of Chant and Lyre" or just "The King" for short, famous for songs like "Jailhouse Dirge" and "You Ain't Nothin' But a Warg Dog". He had more Númenórean blood than most living Gondorians at this point, and so had lived significantly longer, leading to rumors that he was secretly an elf (hence his stage name, Elvish Présli).

Inconsistency #2: Don't the Gondorians call him Mithrandir?

In the books, Gondorians only ever refer to Olórin using his Elvish name, "Mithrandir" (from the Sindarin mith, meaning "grey" and randir, meaning "random", hence "some random grey guy"). But the people we hear about in the books are all Gondorian nobility or royalty, who are pretentious and like to use Elvish words to sound smart; the average Joeromir Schmoeromir on the streets of Gondor just called him Stick-Elf.

Inconsistency #3: Why does Elrond call Gondor "The North"?

Gondor is the southernmost part of the area of Middle-Earth in which The Lord of the Rings takes place; although this is the northwestern part of Middle-Earth, it is not unreasonable to assume that the elves would think of Gondor as "the south", or at least as being sort of in the middle, and would use "The North" to refer to places like Arnor or Forodwaith.

However, Jenniforomir just woke Elrond up from a nap (she didn't realize this because elves sleep with their eyes open), and he's still slightly disoriented. He says "Here in the North" because he was dreaming about a pub he visited once in Annúminas.

Inconsistency #4: Why would Elrond tell people Olórin was a Maiar?

Some people feel that Elrond would be more circumspect about Mithrandir's race; however, although Tolkien didn't mention this in the books, Gandalf's horse had a number of Maiar Pride bumper stickers, including a plain Maiar pride flag, one that reads "Maiar tested, Valar approved", and one that reads "Maiarn't there a lot of us!". Since Gandalf was already out to all of Middle-Earth, there's no reason for Elrond to try to hide this.

[the-wanton-house-wife]

You’re welcome 🧄

[kartoonatic]

The Jake Paul fight against Anthony Joshua gotta be a prime example of how desperately conservative wealthy douchebags like JP cling to the fantasy that they are physically the strongest, toughest winners of society. In what fucking world would a man like AJ lose to someone 5" shorter and 20 pounds lighter with no professional heavyweight experience. JP is convinced he can pay for the experience of beating someone at the top of their field, because that's what he wanted out of this. He paid for the ability to say "I can beat Anthony Joshua." He genuinely forgot there is something called the love of the game, and if this look in Joshua's eyes ain't it idk what is

[iwilleatyourenglish]

i ask everyone to remember that Anthony Joshua is an Olympic gold medalist with this fucking record:

the fact Paul even challenged him, implying he could stand a chance against AJ, is an insult.

[remember-you-are-needed]

Please can we make sure we reblog the other angle of that moment of the fight in which JP looks like he's seen his own death and knows it is imminent.

[demonicae]

This is THE haunted look the world wants to see in the eyes of every alt-right douchebag.

[thenatsdorf]

Black cats are lucky. (via leahweissmuller)

[immaplatypus]

MAN [IN THICK ACCENT]: Black cat bring good luck.  Not bad luck.  I have black cat - See, him face - And I am not dead today: Good luck!

[official-mugi]

“See him face”

I sure fucking do see him face

[just-things-i-enjoy]

Him face

[luccorvus]

Reblog him face for good luck in 2021

[catsbeaversandducks]

Reblog him face for good luck in 2021 (2)

[datlokibumtho]

Reblog him face for good luck in 2021 (3)

[datlokibumtho]

Reblogging him face again for good luck in 2025.

[mcbiteypantspresents]

Reblogging him face for good luck in 2026. 🖤

[fallcaesar]

Santa is on strike due to global warming.  All presents this year will be delivered by Sasha the Christmas Tiger.  Milk and cookies may not be sufficient.

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

“MUST BRING PRESENTS TO GOOD CHILDREN”

“Yes good”

“AND EAT THE BAD ONES”

“Wait no”

“EAT THEM”

“sasha no”

[tolkientrash]

@burstofhope the Christmas tiger is watching

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

She is making a list

It is not easy with her paws but she is making it

[iguanamouth]

shes almost here

[clytemnestraaa]

i'm going to say something insane. i think the overall pronounced fandom cultural slide away from complex plotty violent work and towards kidfic and coffee shops AUs and cozy domestic romcoms is a symptom of fascism.

[clytemnestraaa]

okay actually this is a great phrase for it

[thelibrarybat]

Reblogging this for the term "neopastoralism", because I think that's fantastic.

Coffee shop AUs are, like... fine. They're not my thing, but they're hardly going to end the world. We don't need to have a moral panic about people enjoying coffee shop AUs. I'm also not about to come for anyone seeking escapism in the current hellscape.

However, I do think it's interesting to examine the tendency within these AUs to project a sort of idyll onto the coffee shop: here is a whimsical place where you can spend time with your friends and potentially meet your true love; here is a world where the greatest dilemma you may face is choosing the right coffee syrup for a new beverage or sneaking your number onto that to-go cup without being obvious.

The fantasy of the coffee shop AU is divorced almost entirely from the reality of an actual coffee shop. There are no abusive, creepy customers or bosses; there is no mention of the barista's wages; we don't see the dishwasher sweating at their station, the cashiers' aching feet; the person whose job it is to clean the (customer-only?) toilets. These topics are Political and Depressing and Must Be Avoided, because Political and Depressing things are antithetical to this kind of escapism.

The coffee shop AU exists, not in a world without capitalism (because this is a setting where commerce is actively happening) but in a world where capitalism has no teeth: a world where capitalism somehow works. In order to be convinced and soothed by this fantasy, you must suspend your disbelief and avert your eyes. You must filter the coffee shop through a neopastoralist lens.

To me, there's something very uncanny about it.

[roofbeams-deactivated20180202]

the moral of hamlet is don’t ever try to go home and resolve conflicts with yr family just stay at college and do gay shit w ur friends

[legoloveletters]

As an English teacher I am qualified to tell you this analysis is insightful and may be supported fully with textual evidence.

[paddysnuffles]

As a librarian with a Bachelor in English, I concur with the English teacher.

[mcbiteypantspresents]

It’s time for my annual recommendation of this fan fic where Cap confronts Jeff Bezos 😂

Jeff Bezos and the True Meaning of Christmas, by Lies_Unfurl

“Wait.” Steve grabs his shoulder. “There are billionaires who don’t pay their taxes?”

Tony blinks. “Uh, yeah. 'Bezos' ring a bell?”

[angelicguy]

me and the boys have a couple of chains wrapped around the sword in the stone hooked up to mikes toyota tundra gonna pull that fucker out like a tooth.

[seaweed-station]

Me and the boys misunderstood the arcane nature of the stone and now the Toyota is king of England