You know that feeling where instead of you turning him on, he has to fuck you with his phone in front of his face.
The moment he cums, and he forgets about you. And gets up and ask "so what you going to get into?" "I mean I'm not kicking you out, but I got things to do"
The moment where you notice he doesn't even wanna get to know you anymore. And you question yourself "why can't he just care a little about me?"
........The feeling of being in love with someone and comfortable, but to him your NoTHING...
The nights you stayed home because you wanna show him that you're different. But you are still a whore.
The moment he reads this and thinks nothing of it. And says "I'm not that fucked up to you! Ha!"
The time you want him to hear you but all he says "alright alright," and you are left quiet...
The moment you put on a song you want him to hear because you been playing it all week thinking of him. But he puts the volume up on his phone because he is watching a video.
When he picks up the phone quickly and it's a female or texts back, paragraphs. And when you text, no response.
When you lie to yourself, " his phone is dead," but he has 2 connected cell phones.
When he wants you to suck his DIck, right after fucking someone.
The moment when you realize that he doesn't have your back. After everything. After every hope that you hoped for. After ever heart ache.
....The feeling of your heart breaking every time he answers his phone and tells you to leave the motel because he wants the room to himself.
After every moment you see, he doesn't care about your feelings. Thinking maybe he doesn't know, but then you see him feeling bad for others about stupid shit.
The feeling of wanting to wave, yelling "IM right HERE!"
Maybe this time things will be different.
Maybe this time he would want to hang out with you.
Maybe this time he will look at you. And say "I'm sorry".
The times when he makes NO effort at all when it comes down to respect, friendship, or even fucking,
Maybe this time he will text you "how are you?"
"You okay?" " Did you make it home?" Since you left on an Uber, walking , or catched a bus.
The feeling of being forced to be numb around him because you just want to spend the time with him.
The feeling of wanting to jump out your own skin.
"I'll stay in the pool and drown
So I don't have to watch you leave" -Billie Ellish
"I'll try not to starve myself
Just because you're mad at me" - Billie Ellish