LOVESICK GOD

———┅┅𝙻𝙾𝚅𝙴𝚂𝙸𝙲𝙺 𝙶𝙾𝙳 ┊ MORAX

[mcrax]

Hello, Morax.

Forgive me if this question is forward, but how are things with you and your s/o?

- 🎀

shaky, admittedly. things are better than they used to be, but i still find myself unhappy.

[mcrax]

I just remembered some of my previous messages and I just wanted to apologize for them, they were a bit much at times…

But I hope that one day, when I’m less… tired of life, and less afraid of being perceived, that we can be proper mutuals.

-🎀

you hardly need to apologize for such dated messages. it's quite alright.

and i'm terrible at managing tumblr and it doesn't give me notifications, so i'm sorry i keep responding so late.

[mcrax]

I am so grateful you’re alright. And I am managing as best I can, but thank you for wishing me well.

Remember to take care of yourself, okay?

-🎀

of course, i've been trying to find the time to do so. and managing is all we can do sometimes, but i'll continue to hope things go well for you.

[mcrax]

You came back… I hope I’m not too late. I lost a bit of hope for a bit since it’s been so long. I was so worried about you. Are you alright?

-🎀

forgive me for being gone for so long, and my late response - i've been far too busy to be on social media. i am doing alright! i hope you are alright yourself.

[mcrax]

tw sui

he makes me want to kill myself

[mcrax]

i miss 🎀's messages. i think i'll go back and read them.

[mcrax]

I know it may be useless, being here now. I just want to hold on to the hope that you’re alright.

-🎀

i don't know if you are still around to see, but i see all the words you have left me and i'll be looking over them, rereading them and processing them. your concern and care for me, a stranger, means more than i have the ability to express.

[mcrax]

so i am back.

[mcrax]

sui mention, not me though

if i have to go another day with this i'm going to explode... every single say something makes him want to kill himself and it's piling up on me. i'm. not. a therapist. i'm mentally unstable but of course i hide the fact i am because i have to be perfect for you.

[mcrax]

i feel like crying. of course i'm going to be the punching bag...

[mcrax]

Morax, my dear, it’s been a while…

I truly hope you’re doing okay…

-🎀

it's hard, it truly is.

[mcrax]

ahah. i return for to this account because i have nowhere else to turn to... i hate being a lovesick fool, knowing that i am being abused and yet i cannot save myself. perhaps i deserve it, though. i'm losing emotional strength.

[mcrax]

been busy as usual, sorry about my usual disappearances.

[mcrax]

i'm happy overall, but what he did today really made me angry. i'm calmer now, but i don't think i'll forget it. vent under the cut.

i was upset and expressed it to him, i've been a bit depressed and struggling with my sense of self and i'm aware there isn't much he can do. things got a little messy, but it got to the point where he was saying bullshit. he turned the things he does to me onto me - antagonizing me. he claimed i need his attention 24/7 and i will breakdown if he's away - which isn't true? i spend several hours of the day without him without complaint. i got upset this once because i was trying to find comfort in him keeping me company and he went and started hanging out with other people and leaving me there to panic in fear of abandonment. however, if i get tired and need to head to bed... he starts breaking down and crying because i won't stay up until 5 am to be with him. i can forgive not being able to handle someone when they're breaking down - your own mental health can be affected by that - but straight up accusing me of things you do to make me look bad is just revolting. he always begs me to call him, always begs me to have sex with him, i have not once said no. i talk to him for hours on end because it is what he desires of me. i very rarely have a moment to myself these days, and if i do, it is when either of us is asleep. i do everything for him. i work hard for him and ask little to nothing in return, but when i snap for just a moment because i have my own feelings and issues, i am the bad person. i'm always the bad one who needs far too much. do you know how often i deal with his breakdowns? at least daily. most of the time the minimum is two breakdowns a day. and i am ALWAYS there for him. it is absolutely exhausting what i do for the sake of love. i deal with his suicidal thoughts at least twice a week. can i please be allowed to feel a single negative emotion, or can only he?

[mcrax]

Morax, congratulations on your engagement!

I wish for nothing but blessings of happiness and peace between you and your beloved!

-🎀

thank you so much! there's been rough moments, but overall i am very, very happy.

[mcrax]

successfuly made it an entire day without anything going wrong. what a relief.

[mcrax]

i'm engaged now.

[mcrax]

successfuly made it an entire day without anything going wrong. what a relief.