STOP READING MY TITLE

[captainlordauditor]

some iconic dialogue that sounds like its from the great canon of literature but are actually from memes

I will face God and walk backwards into Hell

“I’ll do whatever you want” “then perish”

I have been through hell and come out singing

feel free to add more!

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

There are no gods here

Do I look like the kind of man who dies

God’s dead and soon we will be too

I thought there were no heroes left in this world 

[helloitstrash]

• you kneel before my throne unaware that it was built on lies

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

Impudent of you to assume I will meet a mortal end

This is hell’s territory and I am beholden to no gods

Bury me shallow, I’ll be back

[hubriscomplex]

- take this gift, for the gods surely won’t

[unheavenlycreatures]

God wishes he were me

One day, you will be face to face with whatever saw fit to let you exist in the universe, and you will have to justify the space you’ve filled

[catchymemes]

[catchymemes]

[rockodile-deactivated20181110]

I MISS MIIVERSE :( children are super funny

[piratekingcon]

god i miss this

[pissvortex]

[teathattast]

creds: https://youtu.be/SB9Cpjd7PxI

[about92bleachedrainbows]

Angela later finds Moira passed out in the bathroom 

[lesbianshepard]

please read this twitter thread of the onion attacking trump lawyer’s entire life in response to a cease and desist they received 

[lesbianshepard]

the tl;dr is they wrote an article about trump called “When You’re Feeling Low Just Remember I’ll Be Dead in About 15 or 20 Years” and cohen threatened to destroy them over it unless they immediately took it down. the onion employee running the twitter account tweeted 

“ @MichaelCohen212, we will gladly delete this article, per your request, in exchange for influence over the president’s decision-making.”

and is now tweeting every single negative trump piece the onion has ever published with captions such as these:

@MichaelCohen212 As the greatest lawyer in the history of America, you obviously understand that we must reach a compromise.

.@MichaelCohen212 We haven’t heard from you, Michael. Please assure us that we can still come to an agreement.

@MichaelCohen212 Please don’t make us have consequences.

@MichaelCohen212 We are trembling with fear at what you would do to us in court.

[showerthoughtsofficial]

The most dangerous game is resting your eyes after you turned off the alarm clock in the morning

[sirfrogsworth]

Programmable LED fans are the latest thing in cosplay technology. The price of admission is pretty steep though. At $400 per fan, it will cost a pretty penny to become a proper wizard. 

If you are like Wong and believe attachment to the material is detachment from the spiritual, buying these would contradict that philosophy. A cosplaying conundrum to be sure. Keep saving up those rupees I guess. 

[ theRPF ]

[thebootydiaries]

millennials are so stupidt,,, like,,.. get off ur ipohne,,,,g o 2 outside,,,,, take an entire shit on the e leaves of the outsides……losten to nature u stupit bicth……u disgustenign,….the real friendship is in person not online,,,….t he only emoji u need is Outside……run and tell that…,,.i miss 1436 when we Talk To Each Other and Die A Lot

[thecoffeediary-deactivated20161]

The excessive misspells are cringe-worthy 😖

[thebootydiaries]

i turned off autocorrect and turned on,,, Auto Real Life Friendship

[textposts-idk]

At least millennials can spell

[thebootydiaries]

the only spell i need is,,,.. T he Spell Of Nature’s Beaty,,,,, kms if u agree..,,

[horrendous-look]

You do realize that you’re using millennial “talk” by using “kms” and “u”, correct? And also, commas (especially so many) are not needed in the statements you’re making. By the way, autocorrect was meant for the millennials, according to your logic. Because I’m just guessing you were alive before the smart phone. Then again, all the things you use today, technology wise, is more than likely here because of the fact people don’t want to go outside but instead want to expand how we think and not how we behave. But, I’m just a millennial so what do I know?

[thebootydiaries]

my young grass hopper,,, do u realize i am Save u…..every morning i break my legs just 2 survive so don’t u dare come at me about intelligents.,… Smart Phones bu t Dumb People..,,,u care about Apple iPhone but i care about the Apple i shoved up my ass,,,, think before u speak

[saltaalyn]

You should think before you speak because you said “kms if u agree” kms, means kill myself, correct(I’m actually not sure)? Also “the Apple I shoved up my ass” why the fuck would you shove an apple up your ass? Also, get off Tumblr if you think people should go outside. Instead of typing that, why don;t you go outside and leave everybody the hell alone

[thebootydiaries]

i didnt riske my life to come on tumblr.com and be disrespected,, listen 2 me.., u put the apple in ur colon because the nature go inside u…into ur heart,smh shaking my honest. we r not the same. u think about bae fleek….i;m thinking about thos beans,,,,u like LSD screen.,, i like EYES screan,goodbye harrypotter0423

[gabberdoodles-7-blog]

How is the aple suposed 2 go to ur heart from ur butt

[thebootydiaries]

digestion boi

[pigeonacademic]

Guys, don’t bother. Booty is a horrible shitposter. By horrible I mean that she fails to make it a funny sort of shitpost. She tries to be funny and fails.

[thebootydiaries]

im screamign why my name booty

[theonion]

SANTA FE, TX—In the hours following a violent rampage in Texas in which a lone attacker killed eight individuals and seriously injured several others, citizens living in the only country where this kind of mass killing routinely occurs reportedly concluded Friday that there was no way to prevent the massacre from taking place. “This was a terrible tragedy, but sometimes these things just happen and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop them,” said Ohio resident Erica Webb, echoing sentiments expressed by tens of millions of individuals who reside in a nation where over half of the world’s deadliest mass shootings have occurred in the past 50 years and whose citizens are 20 times more likely to die of gun violence than those of other developed nations. “It’s a shame, but what can we do? There really wasn’t anything that was going to keep this individual from snapping and killing a lot of people if that’s what they really wanted.” At press time, residents of the only economically advanced nation in the world where roughly two mass shootings have occurred every month for the past eight years were referring to themselves and their situation as “helpless.”

[fuckyeahuglycars]

me: maintains a 5 second following distance for safe braking every other driver on the road:

[cryingdancer]

[incorrectfeaquotes]

Submitted by 2001kuba

[cungadero]

who else missin this shit every day of their goddamn life for the past 10 years

[thenatsdorf]

“Do I look like I eat bugs?!”

[emchromatic]

I love this frog so much I drew a comic of it.

[suck-too-hard-on-your-jaskier]

Angery fly-yeeting ribbit boi