A bunch of shit Anonymous users have sent me on my personal blog.
Mostly mix of crack and NSFW
“Hot food, or dead food? Yes, the choice is mutually exclusive.”
“I really wanna fuck a doll tho.”
“[NAME] you’d fuck an actual doll wouldn’t you? huh? dollfucker?”
“I’d let the lorax speak for my trees.”
“Hm. I had a thought. Yknow who’s a himbo?”
“I broke my tooth eating steak and shake fries.”
“oh fuck you have been gnomed.”
“As a child I had a crush on big bird, kinda makes sense that I turned out to be a furry.”
“I hope people label you as a God.”
“I slowly chased a stray cat for two blocks just to pet him and got a scratch. am I valid?”
“The first time I heard about rhinoplasty was wild imagine paying money to look like a whole rhinoceros.”
“I think you would make a really good god.”
“excuse me while I go fucking feral.”
“is it racist to assume italians can’t be vampires?”
“No earthly force can separate [NAME] from their meat.”
“Whipping my dick out won’t help me against the duolingo owl.”
“so…would like the cream?”
“I ate a whole bag of frozen peas today.”
“Have you ever eaten paper? Because that stuffs good. Recycled paper is nasty though.”
“Like come on what are these four masked fuckwits with mixtapes gonna do? Stab?”
“I’ve already disappointed you once [NAME], I’m going for the world record at this point.”
“Cruise for MILFs with me at Walmart babe.”
“How fat must we pray for your ass to be [NAME]. Let me know so I can stop before you get so dummy thicc, your cheek clap alerts the killers in your house.”
“I heard the guy that painted the mono lisa is taking commissions again.”
“Karkalicious definition makes Terezi loco.”
“Are you gay or italian I’m confused which is it?”
“sorry, the anthrax will take 4-6 business days to get to you hope u don’t mind.”
“great news [NAME]! I’ve decided to become an oil baron!”
“I cast Big Gay on you. Bzz bzzz bzz bzzzzzz!”
“When I was a little kid, I used to play with my mom’s hair. I liked how it was soft, and it had a nice texture. One day, I figured I’d try tasting it. To this day, I feel the ring of disappointment in my soul that hair doesn’t taste good.”
“the only right way to eat ice cream cake is very carefully with a bowie knife.”
“the clown religion is called honkism.”
“I’m not a clown but maybe I’d consider converting. Do you have clown religion resources?”
“You ever just eat an orange, peel and all, and feel like a God?”
“bozo is a clownphobic slur.”
“I ran into a group of juggalos at the mall, they were in Claire’s.”
“ok listen this may be the sleep deprivation or possibly the anxiety of starting a new semester in like forty five minutes talking but 5 am? great time to be awake. my third eye is WIDE fucking open. sleep? government conspiracy to keep us unwoke. think about it.”
“You will sleep. Or I will put you to sleep.”
“Thank you, I’ll be here forever because so will you.”
“I’d like to offer you some Pepto Bismol chewables in this trying time.”
“If there were anyone you could vore here who would it be?”
“graverob my grandpappy, long dick.”
“the genie from aladdin is hot.”
“If I can’t pay you to kill me or flirt, what can I pay for?”
“Yeah but you could share all of your fetishes with us.”
“Ur beautiful and for christmas you can top me.”
“[NAME] you are the only one who’s allowed to kill me.”
“if you’re having a funeral I volunteer to be the dead bitch in the casket.”
“I’ll hold a boom box playing Dancing Queen by Abba with leg warmers and a torn Guns N’ Roses with tiger print leggings at your funeral.”
“I EAT ASS IN ALL FORMS WORLD, I AM BI AND I LOVE IT.”
“ Hi [NAME] I just stayed up for 35 hours and I hope you are doing well.”
“You ever feel like puberty really missed ya and ya whole teenagehood was a mess of unwarranted responsibility and shame?”
“[NAME]….. let us be the most absolute of bafoons.”
“Im very tired and wanna say. Minecraft. Also i would give you a hug.”
“Stuart little is just a shitty Despereaux.”
“I fucking hate Stuart Little. I know what you’re thinking, this is some kind of funny joke, but no. Stuart Little is a piece of shit. A damn rat got picked over actual children at an orphanage and he’s supposed to be a hero? And I can’t even tell you how many damn times I’ve seen a great parking space only to turn the corner and realise Stuart Little is already parked there in his stupid little fucking convertible. He took my wife and the kids and my house and my job. I swear to fucking god.”
“It is 100% obvious that you are, and have definitely eaten part of someone before.”
“you kill it you can eat it, tis the only law in these backwoods.”
“I picked the side of being GRUMPY.”
“ I’m just saying, those boots were made for walking and your thighs were made for getting it and also I guess for holding your legs onto your body.”
“i ate an apple and i think i’m dying.”
“How attached are you to your teeth?”
“Why don’t you love my dad bod?”
“Sorry, calling you “Pope” is probably Italianphobic”
[NAME] is like the Eve of MILFs. Responsible for the original sin of looking this good.
“Pennes envy is when everyone’s pennes are rigate but yours is lisce.”
“They actually choose popes based on meat size! Fun fact!”
“My meat is huge fam, my buldge is the envy of the land but no one ever gets to see it”
“Mac n cheese n the sound of good pussy”
“Your Holiness your pasta is lookin a lil raw and uncooked is something wrong?”
“I’m sorry, I can’t do that, I don’t wanna threaten you, that’s mean and you are nice and don’t deserve that.”
“Italian Gordon Ramsay. “Ngl, this pasta do be lookin’ kinda fresh doe"’
“Your relationship with [NAME] is honestly very cute, in a similar way to two goblins fighting over a bread roll than getting into a tumbling brawl is cute. Which is to say, quite.”
“salami is basically dick when u think about it”
“Do you support breasties? Can I apply?“
“ im a girlboss because i knew that my last teenage summer was gonna suck balls for like 20 different reasons and decided to take advantage of that and make money while it sucked. im working 3 jobs and im so exhausted. where’s my subservient malewife. i earnt him.”
“Honestly, who would you be without Electroswing?”
“I dont think it would improve the movie at all but I think it would be really funny if jigsaw got on his hands and knees and slurped up some of the “blood” and just said Choccy Milk to Adam before leaving.”
“You either die a horror protagonist, or live long enough to become a horror villain.”
“I wasn’t the most fuckable bitch in the supermarket today. So anyways, I fell in love today.“
“I am on 16 hour sleeby schedule!! I am always sleeb. Maybe something is wrong with me!!!!!!!“
“well…. hm… are low level hexes more or less affordable to send? and are they tax deductible for that matter?“
“Damn, these bitches gay! Good for them!“
“can i use [NAME] for arson fuel?”
“They have Looney Tunes in Space Jam now? Interesting.“
“u tellin me a simp fried this rice ?“
“10 year old me also would have crushed on you and shown you my neopets“
“That being said, you wanna see my Feet?“
“Hey can I show you my boobs?“
“Okay, I hate ur tiddies, boo then.“
“You appreciate seeing a nice pair of tiddies right?“
“ ive never watched a saw but imagine how many people would die if the guy with the puppet worked in customer service”
“she took my fucking McElroy funko pops in the divorce”
“i’d let a goth bite me too. its not that controversial i think“
“I’m confused, did she serve cunt like pussy or served cunt like attitude???“
“im thinking. can you hold my frog while i think for a bit“
“Why haven’t you kill me yet, why haven’t you killed me yet.”
“[NAME] you don’t need to change your Subway Order. Do not forfeit who you are.”
“Don’t tie yourself to a sinking ship. You can change your stars.“
“You are more than your past.“
“It’s funny actually, my tits are nearly ALWAYS out.”
“The binch? She is the Pape! Put some respect on it!“
“ I think Austin Powers and Scooby Doo should crossover.”
“Pasta? A nice alfredo? I dunno, maybe a ravioli, god I want pasta now.”
“ Maybe U were the one who was predisposed to madness.”
“I’m like a minor god or smth, I can’t show up on ur quest unless you invoke me. You will need all of ur strength for what is to come. U have my blessing.”
“I change my subway order each time. I have no nostalgia for the movie Holes.“
“Stop trying to fuck the doll!“
“Did you sing songs at school, we sung so many songs, I can even remember them, watch me sing Sausages and Custard“
“You looks like an old fuddy-duddy.”
“Flavour of CO2 bitch, I’m out here tasting gasses you can only dream of.”
“ARE YOU NOT TOO GOOD FOR SEMENS?“
“I be in like wally wonka lickig snozzberries//don’t tell ur mum but I popped ur dads cherry.”
“So which are you? A sussy playa or a pussy slaya?”
“What if you had some bitches, would that calm you down?”
“I’m out here on Tinder like ‘who is gonna come to the flesh pit with me!’“
“Yeah but you have to be Italian to say the “fuggedaboutit” right???“
“How did 3OH!3 manage to beat feminism for 3 minutes at a time, every single time? By all rights, it shouldn’t work and yet here we are.”
“Is it cause his meat is Italian?“
“Hey [NAME] quick question. Would you happen to know where zydrate comes from?“
“we all indulge in a bit of cringe“
“ I hope the bottom of your apples are jeans and your boots have furs”
“I promise I’m not a little piss goblin”
“i fall HARD for pretty guys with multiple piercings and way too much eyeliner. this has not worked out well for me, if you were wondering.”
“Vriska was hot when I was a teen, I don’t think I grew out of that attraction to dependence and what not and now I just date crazy people which is cool I guess, we have a lot in common.”
“The biggest problem is the absolute magnetism of a huge broken bitch. I hate that like, as a person I am so predictable because that’s my TYPE. THAT’S MY TYPE FUCK YEAH HUGE BITCH. It’s just kinda sad is all.”
“There’s really a band named oingo boingo?? i thought u guys were joking.”
“I chug gasoline it makes me a man.”
“If u were a dilf what subclass of dilf would you like to be?”
“you might like to have a look at gamblingtherapy.org”
“I COME AS YOU COMMAND MISTRESS OF WIRE AND BLOOD”
“[NAME] looks like he took too many normal pills”
“i want susan sarandon in rocky horror to do unspeakable things to me. i want current susan sarandon to do unspeakable things to me too. ideally both at the same time. i had a question but i genuinely forgot bc my gay brain was just overtaken by susan sarandon.”
“Columbo would be a good lover I think cause like, he’d make you cum and then when you think it’s over, "just one more thing” and your eyes are rolling in to the back of your head.”
“Oh we kiss the spider legs now? We worship the spider legs? We forfeit all possession to the spider leg? We fuck.”
“Did you get your head stuck in a saw trap again?”
“Hearing how the Queen died reminded me of how I let the relationship with you die, queen. And now that the prince and his pals are gonna be making changes, it makes me realise, my principles should have changed for you.”
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