Mo Mut Movember

Hello! My name is Oakland, my pronouns are he/him, Orchidsexual. If Kosa passes I will be leaving the internet, so if I dissapear that's why. Do not cold call me for comissions, I disdaine a world in which that's deemed acceptable

[meepmoopmaap]

Hiiii :3

Name: Cedar/Ajax

dni: zoos, bigots, the usuals. Also, Harry Potter fans and Taylor Swift fans dni. If you have the gall to support these people after everything they've done, you're either a dumbass or a child.

My Fic Writing Request Thingy Post

(Box made by @wishgrantingedits)

[orcboxer]

got a crick in my neck and a frog in my throat and a chip on my shoulder and a stick up my ass and now you're gonna stand there puttin words in my mouth? haven't I been through enough?

[json-derulo]

I love lying to my landlord. “We’re currently looking at a comparable unit in the area at $[a hundred dollars less than our current rent]/month, so if your offer has any flexibility to come down on the rent, that would help us reach a decision about whether or not to renew our lease here” and the comparable unit exists only in my own beautiful mind

[json-derulo]

Actually, no! And since several people have replied asked for my script for negotiating lower rent, I’m gonna share that below, as well as the philosophy behind it. Full disclosure that I’m not a leasing office person or a realtor or god forbid, a landlord—I’m just someone who has been a renter for 10+ years across different states, and I know for a fact that I have saved myself thousands of dollars by successfully negotiating a lower monthly rent on almost every lease I’ve ever signed. (Also, I’ve only ever rented in the U.S., so this advice may not be as applicable elsewhere.)

Step 0: Know Thy Enemy

The key thing to understand about all residential landlords, whether they’re corporate conglomerates or Just Some Asshole, is that their asset—the property—is a Cinderella carriage that magically turns back into an expensive ass pumpkin of a liability any time it’s sitting empty. The property taxes, insurance, mortgage, HOA fees, and maintenance costs all still come due every month/quarter/year whether they have a tenant to cover it all and then some, or not. 

Because of this, at the end of the day, their ultimate goal is to fill every unit at all times with someone who will reliably pay the rent on time and in full. And because everything else is secondary to that goal—and because with the exception of Just Some Asshole landlords, the person responding to your emails and writing up your lease paperwork is several degrees of separation removed from the shareholders who profit off your rent money—they’re almost always willing to negotiate with you. As long as it gets the liability converted into an asset faster or keeps the carriage from turning back into a pumpkin for longer, then in the long run, it’s actually in their best interest to give you a better price. 

Step 1: Identify Your Leverage

If you understand how supply and demand works, you can figure out how much leverage you have pretty easily.  High supply and low demand = you have more leverage, and vice versa. Do they have an “AVAILABLE NOW - MOVE IN TODAY” sandwich board on the sidewalk or a web banner that says “First month free”? Does their website and/or Apartments.com show a bunch of currently open listings? Do you already live there and know at least two families on your floor have moved out in the last several months with no one new moving in to replace them? These are all indications that they have more than one unit currently sitting empty, meaning higher supply and lower demand. No sandwich board and a website that just says “call for availability”? They might just suck at marketing, but more likely, supply is lower and demand is higher. 

You have the least leverage if you’re a prospective tenant looking to move in somewhere that has a waitlist. They have no reason to offer you a discount if six other people are already in line to pay full price for apartments that aren’t even vacant yet (but you can still ask!). You also have no leverage to negotiate if you’ve already signed a lease and you’re in the middle of the lease period; you legally agreed to pay $X/month for Y months, so you’re stuck with that until the lease is up.

At the other end of the spectrum, you have the most leverage if you’re a current tenant who has always paid your rent on time and you’re being offered a renewal on your existing lease with higher rent than you're currently paying, especially if they already have some units that have been empty for a while. If you move out, not only is your unit going to sit vacant for at least part of a month, they’re also probably going to have to put in some work to “turn” the unit (repainting, professional cleaning, etc) to get it in move-in condition for the next tenant.

All of this means that if you move out, even if they can fleece you out of your security deposit and find a new tenant the very next month, it’s still gonna cost them at least a few thousand dollars to turn that pumpkin back into a carriage again. They’re probably willing to come down by $100-$200/month or so on the renewal offer rent if you ask, because they know it’ll actually save them money in the long run. Similar situation if you’re a prospective new tenant—if they can’t get you or anyone else to sign a lease and move in this month, that’s $[whatever the monthly rent is] down the drain, and they’ll never get it back. It’s a perishable item about to spoil. 

Step 2: Get Their Opening Offer

This is the first number they’ll quote you for the rent—the sticker price that you’ve always just accepted as set in stone. The truth is, they’ve built some buffer into that number. There’s almost always some room for them to come down, and depending on your leverage, they will if you ask nicely. But for reasons that baffle me, most people don’t!

Step 3: Wait, Research, & Counter

Don’t reply to their initial offer right away—unless there’s a waitlist (in which case, you have little haggling power anyway), wait a few days. It makes them sweat a bit, and it shows you aren’t desperate. The person who is rushing to reply is not the one who has more leverage in the negotiation, and making them wait reminds them of that. In the meantime, use Apartments.com or Zillow to get an idea of what similar units in the same area are currently going for. Then you come up with your counteroffer.

As a general rule, anything more than about 20-25% below their opening offer (or below market rates) will probably just piss them off or make them take you less seriously. But when we’re talking about your monthly rent over the course of a year or two, even a 10% discount adds up to a lot of money!

When I negotiated our original lease for my current place, I also asked for and got a two year lease term instead of the standard one year. But whatever automated calendar event system they use to remind their leasing office staff when it’s time to send out renewal offers didn’t get the memo about that, so they mistakenly sent me a renewal offer the following year, meaning I got to see how much they would have jacked up the rent if they could’ve. For that second year of the lease alone, my negotiating saved us $3,000! 

Step 4: BDE (Big Dick Emailing) 

Here’s the tricky part. You need to write an email—always negotiate over email if you can, it’s too easy for a salesperson to bowl you over on the phone and anything they say that isn’t in writing means nothing—which simultaneously makes it sound like you would sign a lease with them in a heartbeat and like you are actively flirting with five other apartment complexes right now who all want you so bad it makes them look stupid, because you are just so sexy and fun and your credit score is eight inches flaccid. You need to make them believe you are both highly motivated and ready to sign on the dotted line and willing to just walk away from the table at any second, but if they could just come down a little bit on that number, you’d delete those other hoes’ numbers forever! Here’s the rough script I use every time:

“ Thank you for [your email/the tour/sending over the offer letter/etc]. I have had a chance to review and consider it. I think [name of apartment complex] would be the perfect fit for me, but I am also exploring and touring other options in the area, including a comparable unit nearby at $[a little below your counteroffer number]/month.

If we could come down to $[your counteroffer number]/month on the rent, I would be prepared to sign the lease today. Let me know your thoughts. Thanks! "

Step 6: You Win Either Way

Sometimes they really do just accept your counteroffer without question and send you over a revised lease to sign. (When this happens, I make a note for next time that my counteroffer was probably too high and I should’ve asked for more!) More often, they get approval from The Powers That Be and come back with a number that’s higher than your counteroffer but lower than their initial offer. Assuming I can afford it, I always accept this offer; you’ve achieved your goal of saving yourself money from sticker price, and they’re likely to lose patience if they have to keep going around and around with you. And sometimes (though only very rarely), they may come back and say the price is firm—in which case, guess what? You still didn’t lose anything by asking!

[json-derulo]

THIS!!! Exactly this. I didn’t mention it above because I just couldn’t fit it neatly anywhere, but once while negotiating a lease renewal, I got as far as receiving their counteroffer, which was basically “price firm :(”, but then life happened, so I forgot to respond and accept. The email sat in my inbox for a week. And then, completely unprompted, they magically replied again saying, “actually, nvm, how’s $[number that is lower than our opening offer] sound?”

To them, it looked like I was staring them down cold as ice like

I was literally just busy with other stuff! and they were sweating!!! BULLETS!!!

[captain-acab]

This is great - but I have a big question. HOW do you figure out WHO TO EMAIL for Step 4?

I tried negotiating a lease once before, not even on the price but on some minor clause that was unreasonable and probably illegal to enforce anyway. But the property was owned by one of these landlord corporations, you know the type.

So I was sitting there with the representative (Property manager? Sales associate? who knows) and said, "This clause [abc] here seems unreasonable, can we change it to [xyz]?" and she looked at me with the most blank, baffled expression and said, "Change... it? You can't change it..."

It became evident quickly that she wasn't stonewalling me; rather she didn't seem to be familiar with the concept of negotiating a lease. To her, if it's printed on letterhead it's written in stone, and SHE certainly didn't seem to have the authority to sign off any changes to the contract—nor did she have any idea who would.

So back to the original question: How do we figure out the right person to contact for Step 4, especially when dealing with a big corporate landlord?

[json-derulo]

Modifying the actual language or clauses of the standard lease is kinda beyond the scope of this tutorial (it would involve them contacting their lawyers.) But as for negotiating lower rent, if the person you’re talking to about leasing the place (whether in person or by email—again, ideally you always wanna be doing this by email) just straight up doesn’t understand what you’re talking about, you ask for their manager. If they are the manager, you take your leverage and walk away from the table—either they will very quickly demonstrate that they actually do understand how negotiating works by chasing you down the proverbial block to give you a lower price, or you’ll dodge the bullet of having to live somewhere run by dunces who will no doubt be just as (un)helpful about fixing your plumbing when it breaks.

[altruistic-meme]

Secondary question! This advice is really good, but what about when you have already been living in the apartment and your renewal comes up? I've sadly JUST signed mine so I wont be able to try and negotiate until next year, but its always good to get an idea of what and how I would be negotiating ahead of time.

[json-derulo]

Calculate your leverage as written in step 1, their initial offer is whatever they quote you for renewal rent, follow steps 3-6 with the slight language modification of “I would really like to stay, but I have also been touring other options in the area,” “I would sign a renewal lease today if,” etc. I intentionally wrote the instructions above to be just as applicable for renewals as they are for move-in leases

[chilewithcarnage]

This is terrible advice btw

[chilewithcarnage]

Okay so since it's clear that a majority of people failed sex ed, cis women who have never had penetrative sex having it for the first time and bleeding is a millennia long myth. That is not normal and is most likely indicative of a vaginal/labial tear due to lack of proper lubrication, the vaginal muscles not being relaxed enough, the object or body part(s) being used for penetration being too abrasive, also not lubricated enough, not clean enough, moving too fast/hard or a combo of these. It's a long standing idea that the hymen is a membrane of skin every afab person is born with and when they have penetrative sex the hymen bursts and therefore bleeds. This is only partially true, as when the first menses occurs the hymen ruptures and so it is no longer a bubble of tissue but an arch over the vaginal canal. Also a myriad of things bust a hymen even before a period occurs. Stay safe and don't mess with these dumb mfers that don't know how bodies work.

[dogpuppy]

[motherfucker-somewhat-limited]

[t4nku]

I legit needed to hear this

[pmpkn]

Gameboy peripheral PediSedate was designed for dentists and dosed kids with nitrous oxide as they played games.

[babyanimalgifs]

Shelter created hilarious profiles for their cats to help them find forever homes

[mccleans]

scrolling through the dash when the mutuals are in a new ugly guy phase

[wizardpotions]

@doityourselfbombs

[meepmoopmaap]

@cowlorado Jimmy </3

[badwolfbadwolf]

I think I am officially Fandom Old. I am so worn out from the arguments on who's the top or the bottom (who cares), what is allowed to be written (anything you want, bejeebus), what is Problematic (I know, just tag it), what other people Should Do (they Should live their lives free of judgment). There isn't a Right Way to do things. Tag your stuff appropriately, don't read stuff you don't want to read, and leave other people (me) alone.

[leeshajoy]

There is nothing quite like the freedom of having gone through all of the Discourse and come out the other side into the promised land of Not Giving A Fuck.

[randomslasher]

The three keys to the promised land are “Block, Unfollow, and Do Not Engage” 

[murderousginger]

I have been in Fandom spaces for 20 years. It is LOVELY once you become the bog witch that no longer gives a fuck.

[windsweptinred]

Proud fandom bog witch who's fucks have runneth dry, proudly maneuvering round meaningless discourse like...

[cheeseanonioncrisps]

I see your “Rocky swears like a sailor but only in pitches humans can’t hear/refuses to teach Grace what those words mean” and raise you “Rocky swears like a sailor and now has to explain to Grace that ‘bad bad bad’ isn’t actually a sequence you play on your Eridian speech piano in polite company.”

Grace is both horrified and amused to realise that a more accurate translation for what Rocky’s been saying is “shit shit shit”.

[cheeseanonioncrisps]

Eridian government representative: Greetings Rocky, Saviour of Erid, and Grace, Saviour from Beyond the Stars. We are pleased to welcome you home.

Grace, haltingly on the keyboard Rocky built for him: Wassup bitches. Fucking jazzed to—

Rocky: GRACE STOP TALKING NOW NOW NOW I EXPLAIN LATER

[crabussy]

slightly furious reminder that fish do in fact feel pain and do in fact experience fear and distress when in pain since people seem to love spreading the myth that fish don't feel pain. what is it with people assuming a creature is incapable of feeling pain or emotion just because it doesn't have complex facial muscles. come on gang

[asaltysquid]

As my main income, I work with fish in a specialty pet store that's privately owned (so I'm allowed to say no and be stern to customers when it's needed).

You learn really quickly that not only do fish have individual personalities and emotions but they also have memories and recognize people! There are certain fish who will only come out for me and hide for everyone else. The pufferfish spits at me because she gets pissy that I haven't fed her. The flowerhorn bites everyone but me and my coworker when we clean his tank. I trained a fire eel to come up and eat directly out of my hand.

Fish are beautiful complex creatures and I thank the universe everyday that I get to work in a place where I'm encouraged to tell animal abusers to fuck right off.

[magpiedragon]

So, like, fun fact: all of us, down to nearly the very base of animal tree of life, basically have the same neurotransmitters for motivation/drive. We all seem to have comparable pain receptors and react to opioids (pain reduction)

(Well, invertebrates use octopamine instead of noradrenaline, but supposedly that is very similar.)

And by almost the entire tree of life I do mean all of us: mammals, fish, bugs, jellyfish, POSSIBLY sponges (it is a little unclear if someone checked)

All, that is, except ctenophores.

Also known as 'a swimming string of led lights wrapped in a plastic bag'.

Completely different neurochemistry.

May as well be aliens.

[the-haiku-bot]

Also known as ‘a

swimming string of led lights wrapped

in a plastic bag’.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[anarchistmemedistro]

reminder that you and i are fish

[anthropicscholar]

we are a fish, us and the other land animals, that picked up part of the sea and brought it with us onto land even.

[anarchy-pup]

We are fish, the ocean in our very heart and lungs and veins and organs. We are fish and the sea itself gives us life continually. The waters of Earth produce much abundance, produce more than we could ever need, produce food and oxygen and the very building blocks of life itself. Why then should we feel superior to some “lesser creature,” some “baser form” when we share the same history, the same planet, the same life?

[pangur-and-grim]

belphie is always psyched out of his mind to see me, and the feeling is mutual. I'm like "BELPHIE! MY BOY!" and he's purring and wagging his tail and doing his little plip-plip-plip speed trot toward me, and meanwhile we were together all day but were just in different rooms for a second

[pangur-and-grim]

hello my sweetie boy! I love you!

[sssssswirly]

I redrew this picture of the cast as the characters

also I’m seeing the movie today AAAAAAAA ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[kt100]

theyre gonna 3d print a clone of me in this machine once i stand in there ^-^

[godlessondheimite]

In 2026, the chicest thing a gay actor can do is never explicitly come out as gay but also make it abundantly clear that he is. Coming out is too modern. Staying closeted is too old fashioned. But this method merges contemporary freedom with Old Hollywood glamour and allure, and it weeds out the dumbest people who truly don’t get it. I call it the Pascal Method.

[nobodys-odyssey]

Taylor Swift does this

[godlessondheimite]

no she doesn’t

[nobodys-odyssey]

You clearly don't go here or to queer history and signaling, or both, enough to have this conversation and I'm not going to explain it to you. You could have asked questions, you could have done even a modicum of research. You didn't and you made yourself look ignorant. Goodbye.

[dancinbutterfly]

#I'm fucking crying#this is an instant classic#this is the next meme#i can't believe I'm here to see a baby copypasta nary two hours old#I can't#lol#i laughed way too hard#iconic