melancholy poems

just wanted a place to share my sad little poems :) 

[aretherestarsinhell]

maybe all the signs were there-

maybe i just refused to see them.

after all, red flags just look like flags when you see them through rose colored glasses.

-why did i believe you when you said you'd never hurt me? c.r.

[melancholy-shit]

men (derogatory)

never had I been betrayed,

first time was by a man who told me he loved me,

so was every other time.

[melancholy-shit]

the system is bullsh*t

you don’t deserve to walk freely,

to enjoy your life.

you deserve the pain i endured,

those late nights.

whats worse is,

five. fucking. years.

thats all my trauma was worth,

thats all for killing the child in me,

thats all for the endless nights staring at the ceiling,

wishing i was anyone else.

[melancholy-shit]

i wish u were dead

i remember the panic,

the wanting it to stop,

this overbearing weight pushing itself into my soul, 

and ripping it out with every go, 

the not being believed,

the panic every time someone was on top of me,

you don’t have this weight on your back for life, do you?

you get to keep living with your inn

oh how I wish you were dead,

oh how I wish I stopped you the first time.

then maybe my burden wouldnt feel this crushing, 

maybe the anxiety attacks would be less,

and maybe I could stop blaming myself for what you did to me.

i remember the endless showers, 

hyperventilating in the scalding water,

trying to banish every piece of you that remained,

the scrubbing until my skin poured red,

then once I finally felt clean, 

there it would appear,

the slight scent of You,

seemingly embellished in my skin.

i remember the nights of waiting, 

checking my door was locked,

the unfortunate nights it wasn’t,

sleeping with my eyes cracked open,

believing my mother every time she said it was going to be okay.

i remember your hot breath on the back of my neck,

you devouring my every part,

the silence in the room,

listening to the clock tick by,

that small click, my only sign of comfort,

telling me this moment is going to pass.

- fuck you

[melancholy-shit]

five years for my lifetime of pain

the dream of never hearing your name again,

so close,

ruined by a ‘change of heart’,

in a man i know could never truly change.

walking freely with my stolen innocence.

the dream of you rotting in your cell,

crushed.

[melancholy-shit]

manipulation. isnt. love.

your attacks disguised as love,

hidden by soft eyes and loving tone, 

slowly ripping everything away from me,

while telling me you love me so.

feelings hurled back at me so much,

i gave up on feeling them.

every argument i solved,

every emotion i swallowed,

destroyed how i thought of you.

i was not your equal,

i was your pawn to play this ideal you created,

i don’t recognise myself after you.

i lost my laugh,

i lost my personality,

all destroyed by my own insecurities, 

insecurities hand-sculpted by you.

[melancholy-shit]

trauma

the past haunted my every action,

even worse, it haunted how i loved you.

so scared of you leaving that i forgot to help you want to stay.

every fight i would crumble,

begging you for forgiveness even when you were wrong,

what is wrong with me.

everything was my fault,

‘if i didn’t do … he wouldn’t of left’,

echoes repeatedly in my mind,

how could i have been so stupid.

[melancholy-shit]

love bombing

i remember the lightness I felt when I met you,

your love completely engulfed me,

never had I felt happiness like this before,

you were worse than heroin,

you made me feel so loved,

that I taught myself to ignore the bad, 

just to savour this feeling..