I had to share this somewhere other than my journal.
Oh how I wish I'd let my fingers run along the walls of the lake house.
It was said with no hesitation. Why do I feel such a loss for a house that was never mine? The memories we made there... will they be wiped away as well? Painted over with that plain navy blue. I didn't know the last time I saw the Marvel Room that he would be the last time.
I didn't know I would never sit on those bunk beds again, eating candy and dying for air conditioning. I didn't know I'd lose those comforting low ceilings.
I'll never take another shower where we showered together, you, me, and our ex-best friend.
So many memories are built into those walls countertops, and windows. I didn't know the last time was my last time.
It wasn't my house, but it felt like home. I grew up there. I learned that my parents weren't right about everything in that lake house. learned it's okay to be who you are.
Drinking games were played, dancing on hardwood floors, video games, and laughter up the stairs.
Those damn squeaky stairs. Ain't no way to move quietly up them. But we didn't have to, so it was okay. We were allowed to be loud. We were allowed to exist and try new things without judgment.
I smoked weed for the first time in that sunroom. Scared to get in trouble with the parents. Scared the cops were going to somehow know.
And I don't have a right to be angry because it's not my house, wasn't my house. But I swear on my life to you that it was my home.
So many firsts. And I knew they were "firsts" in the moment. It's the "lasts" that you don't see coming. Til it's too late. Til it's all long gone.
We'll never be those kids again.
But I don't have a right to be upset. You're all so excited about the new fancy place and it's bells and whistles.
But, I'm left feeling completely gutted. My teenage years just painted over. Like the walls of the lake house, now dark navy blue.
