@memefxcker - Tumblr Blog

They be blessing

WHO ARE THEY

me going to sleep: *cries*

me as soon as i wake up: *cries*

I think that what made the entire situation even worse was losing my bird. I always wanted a bird since i was a teen, mom always said no but my boyfriend at the time ended up losing his first one so we got a baby one together. I loved her so much, I cared for her every day so she was arguably more attached to me than him. i tucked her in every night, she talked to me in her sleep, we fake regurgitated to each other and i taught her how to bob her head........ I cant stop thinking about how she may forget all about me one day and have another mommy. and it KILLS ME. I mean that is how my ex got me int he first place, with his first bird.

and with all this on my mind i literally need to track all of my P C R reactions over the past /TWO MONTHS/ and compile results onto a spread sheet. I am getting so nervous. I am seeing my ex on Thursday to drop off the last of his stuff and hang out at the beach as a pit stop on the way to see my mom. All I can think of is 1) how much i miss him and our bird and how one day she might have another mommy and forget all about me. 2) how much faster he will move on than me and here I will be without d*ck for years because Im an insecureeeee bitch. 3) how i am not even justified to feel that way because I broke up with him and he wanted to stay with me long distancce?

I wish he hadn’t said the things he did. I wish he could take it all back, and that I could forget. I wish I hadn’t let him make me feel bitter to the point that I started to say things unkind to HIM that I didn’t mean. I wish he had seen me as caring and not critical. I had some light before but now it’s been pissed on. How can I be so weak that I allow people to affect me like this.

#i asked him out #3 years later i broke it off #i should have just let him go far away like he was planning before he met me

the worst part is that no matter what my weight is i will always feel the same way. I have lost 100 pounds in the past 3 years but mentally, I feel just the same. I felt the same when I was 40 pounds lighter in high school. I’ll always feel the same way regardless of therapy or medication. For fuck’s sake! My brain needs rewiring.

Fuck! fuck depression. I hate self doubt and hating how I look and feeling like a walking blob. For my entire life and I can’t shake the feeling, the only person who ever made me feel like I am not so ugly and fat looking is gone from my life but it was my doing - at the same time I couldn’t stay in a relationship with that person for my own good, but I just miss him terribly. I have never had such a tight soul connection in my life... when he wasn’t on his high horse. People tell me 3 years isn’t long but it is when you truly loved someone and lived with them almost the entire time. I’m so full of dread. I can’t focus on my work, I feel like crying at the drop of a dime, I feel so alone and lost in this world. I’m weak and constantly give in to all the people whose opinion about how I look shouldn’t really matter, I still let people from my childhood affect me as well as my ex’s family who criticized me without warrant when I was nothing but respectful and kind. I let the way my ex treat me at times (because of his own insecurities) get to me, I take things out of context and build my own story that reflects how I feel about myself, which makes me feel so weak. These times are pretty tough and it’s just going to get tougher. I am feeling that as I age I am going to harden and desiccate completely, I already feel like I am shriveling away. I wish I could disappear without a trace, so that the only people who care about me (my parents) won’t remember. I don’t know what I will do with myself when the only people who ever believed in me are gone. I don’t have siblings or family I am close too, I will be even more alone than I am now. How I long to give my life to someone who wants it and needs it. So hopeless and so anxious. About work, life. just everything.

whitepeopletwitter

gingersofficial

candiikismet

Life path unlocked. He’s a scientist now.

prolifeproliberty

If your dad is telling you in great detail about something he’s passionate about, you’re going to be hooked even if you don’t understand a word.

by-grace-of-god

He tells us more…

So now I have to deliver a quiet lecture on the Standard Model every night. He loves lists of things, like all the streets home from daycare, or the train stations between here and Central, so he loves hearing the list of leptons and quarks and bosons.

Anyway, I made this poster for him, based on the CPEP ones we used to have at uni .

Alas I ran out of room for antimatter, colour charge and confinement, but hey, maybe there can be a second poster later.

It’s funny though — on the surface of it, it seems like it must be far too advanced for a 3yo. But when you think about it, quarks and leptons are no more or less real to him than, say, dinosaurs or planets, and he loves those too. And he recognises the letters on the particles.

I am absolutely overwhelmed by the kind and sweet things people are saying about this, thanks everyone ❤️

Addendum: he has really grasped onto the “everything is made of atoms” part of this, so tonight he listed just about every object he could think of and asked if it was made of atoms.

“And my bed?” Yes, and your bed. “And that wall?” Yep. “And the armchair?” Yes, the armchair too. … … “And… the book case?” Y—

“And my home?” Yep, the whole apartment block. “And your home? Oh wait, your home is my home.” Haha, it is. … … “But is it made of atoms?” Yep. “And… [best friend]’s home?” Yes, it is. And [other friend]’s home, and [third friend]’s home.

“Is [yet another friend]’s home?”

Update from the other night:

“Is my… is… [extremely long pause] is my atoms poster made up of atoms?” —Yes! Yes it is.

I have never heard such a contemplative silence. I think the next poster will have to be on the philosophy of referential language.

Update from this morning: after listing everything in sight (mummy? daddy? fridge? milk? cereal? table? etc.) he asks “is [baby sister] made up of atoms?”

yep!

*runs over to her on the floor* *puts face up real close to hers* “HI! YOU’RE MADE UP OF LOTS OF ATOMS! DID YOU KNOW?”