Spider plopped down at his desk with a heavy sigh. He didn't mean to snap at Kiri and Lo'ak, or maybe he did. Nonetheless, it was still mean and he'd have to apologize to them the next time they visited. Well- That is talking in the sense that they will visit again. After his little outburst he was sure that they'd given up on him. Although he was used to it, 'it' being the abandonment, it didn't stop the pain that lingered in his chest.
But like he said, he was used to it. So he'd do what he always did. He'd move on with his life.
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The sun hadn't risen yet, which meant that no one on base was awake. Except for the few who strayed a bit too far from their beds, like Spider Socorro. The kid never slept through the night, it was almost like he was some sort of nocturnal species. He'd go to sleep at a late hour and be awake by 4:00AM, perched on top of his rock wall or scrubbing his hair in the showers. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't sit still.
No one had asked him why, and he wasn't even sure he had an answer for whoever would. Maybe he'd say that being active kept him happy, or it felt good to be doing something. But the real truth was that if he sat still for too long, he would be opening himself up to the thoughts that darkened whatever horizons he found himself facing. The thoughts that haunted him every night, the thoughts that maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't belong anywhere. Ever.
Not the labs, not airlock, not Room, not Earth, and definitely not Pandora.
And those were scary thoughts for a sixteen-year-old to go through, especially one who hadn't received an ounce of affection in his life. Especially one who-
Crap. He'd been sitting too long.
Spider rubbed away the sorry excuses for tears that had been forming in his eyes. He let his hands wander back down to rest on his desk, the windows at the top of Room casting beams of moonlight around him. It made for a pretty melancholic scene, it could've been an album cover. The song would probably be called 'come pick up your depressed and lonely child please'.
Spider cracked a smile at that one.
He shook his head before standing up, the legs of his chair scraping along the wooden floor noisily. Luckily there were no Na'Vi on base. Otherwise, he would've been caught. Advanced hearing and all.
His fingers skimmed over one of the many bookshelves, lightly tracing each and every cover. Spider had no intention of reading them, he had outgrown his reading a long time ago. Back on Earth, he wouldn't need to know about the stars, since according to Norm, he wouldn't have been able to see them anymore anyways.
Norm was a pretty smart guy, according to Jake. The man possessed the personality perfectly suited for a scientist, but something was missing in him. A gaping hole.
Spider knew that hole all too well. Hell- He lived in it.
But unlike Norm's habit of trying to fill up the hole with healthy things like studying or cooking, Spider filled the hole with junk. Porn magazines that he stole from Jake's old room, expired beer that made him feel more nauseous than drunk, the occasional wallow in self-pity with sad music playing in the background. Sometimes Spider would try to do something worth while, maybe clean up the lab one day or cook everyone a nice dinner, but it always ended up ruined. He couldn't even blame anyone, because every time it was his mistake.
He'd knocked over a beaker of acid over important paper-work one time, and almost burnt down half of Hell's Gate the other time.
That Spider was long gone now, though. That was the Spider who tried to get the scientists to like him, that was the Spider who wanted the scientists to like him.
All that was left now was an empty shell of a human being.
An empty shell that kept zoning out when he needed to focus.
"Focus." He whispered to himself, snapping out of his daze. He looked down to check his watch. "Only two more hours until 7AM. That's time for one book."
Spider bit his tongue as if deep in thought, before letting his shoulders curl inwards. Beer it is.
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"What the fuck happened, Norm? You said he was fine here!"
"How was I supposed to know he was getting drunk every night, Jake? Did you want me to check all of the security cameras before going to sleep? We thought we could trust him."
"I can't believe this. Spider could've died. I expected you to be more vigilant!"
"You expected me to be more vigilant? I didn't even want to look after Quaritch's kid, Jake! I've tried my best, he's impossible to communicate with. I'd like to see you try to talk with him."
"You know how Neytiri feels about him-"
"Neytiri isn't here though, is she?"
"What's that supposed to mean-"
"It means that Neytiri isn't a factor in this. This is between me and you. Who's going to take care of Spider until he turns eighteen, because we're sure as hell not going to do it?"
He could take care of himself, thank you very much! He'd been doing it for the past sixteen years. Jake never tried to be his father or stay longer than necessary. The Na'Vi kept Spider just out of reach, just close enough for him to get attached and then thrust aside once again. It sucked balls.
"Norm. You said you could handle this, you promised. Neytiri and I have Tuk now, we can't be raising another kid." Jake Sully sighed, one hand perched on his hip, the other on his forehead.
Norm peered up at him with a scowl on his face, the sight reminded Jake of when he first joined the Avatar program, when Norm despised him. "Well what if I don't want to handle it anymore, Jake? Max and I have studies to do, we have jobs! Spider is old enough to live in the forest with your family, we have Exo-Packs that will last long enough."
Spider listened to the conversation in his curled-up state, not bothering to move an inch to let his presence known. He wanted to hear this conversation, he knew it was a turning point in his life.
Norm had never admitted his dislike for Spider, and that's what kept Spider there. Alive. Long story short, Norm's tolerance of Spider kept him from placing his life in the hands of Eywa.
So what did Spider really have to live for if not for Norm?
He knew it sounded stupid, he knew it sounded absolutely ridiculous to put an important aspect at such risk. But Norm was the only one who looked out for him, in a very basic sense, but still.
Spider's eyelids fluttered as he tried to contain the tears shoving mercilessly at them. Jake's response was long-awaited, and Spider knew it would just be another punch to his already bruised gut.
"I don't want Spider with my family. Lo'ak and Kiri are preparing for their Iknimaya, and Tuk is still growing up. Not to mention how Neytiri would feel about it.."
"I don't think it's a good idea for him to be with us anymore."
Well there you have it then.
I don't think it's a good idea for him to be with us anymore.
Jake couldn't have been clearer.
An uncomfortable silence settled over the room, heavy like the fog that clouded Spider's mind. Oh, how he wished he could've been anywhere else. In Room painting on his wall, reading a book about the newest constellation he'd discovered, swimming in the training pools.
It's funny how he never realized how much he missed Room until he wasn't in it anymore.
It was beginning to feel like he wouldn't get to see Room again, his closest friend, and it was a fucking room.
That's all Room was. A room.
A room that he had convinced himself was living. A room where he felt safe and content, and sometimes lonely. But Room kept him warm when Norm couldn't, and Room never turned him away.
And. It. Was. A. Fucking. Room.
Maybe Spider would be happy if his only friend wasn't a room inside an old military base. Maybe that's what he needed, a friend. A friend on Earth.
Norm let out a string of incomprehensible curses before storming out of the room, leaving Jake and Spider alone.
"Fuck this shit." Jake turned and walked off in the opposite direction, and Spider wasn't sure it was the right one. Oh well, at least now he could wallow in his own filth.
Only then did he open his eyes. And boy, was it horrible.
His vision was hazy, and it just wouldn't focus on anything. His stomach was coiled tight and cramping painfully, a dull ache crawling its way up his chest and throat. He realized what was happening a little too late as he sat up, thick streams of vomit pouring out from his mouth as he gagged and wretched.
"Fan-fucking-tastic." Spider muttered, wiping his mouth weakly with the back of his hand. He slid off the table, a sigh leaving his lips. As he walked in the same direction as Jake, he created a checklist in his head.
Shower and get this disgusting vomit off.
It would be easier said than done.
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*me giving the most traumatized characters more trauma*
Anyways- ONE OF MY FAVOURITE AVATAR WRITERS REPOSTED THE FIRST CHAPTER!?!?!? WHAT? I'm sobbing.
Also Spider is so Merida from Brave and Rapunzel from Tangled idc if they're princesses :) The wall of stars is heavily based off of Rapunzel's paintings of the lanterns because why not?
Oh also- Does anyone know how to add a link to a chapter on Tumblr? I'm so lost :')