#depressing stuff

[hcnnibal]

hi vati!!

if it’s not too much trouble could you share more about the Cambodian angels/days of the week deities? i tried to find info myself online but unfortunately i couldn’t find much and it was confusing what i did find. some said the 7 days of the week were goddesses and some said they were gods, and some sources only listed one or two names, and i’m not taking anything from facebook as an accurate source of information 😭 …i like learning about other religions but it can be difficult to find good/accurate sources. or ones that are easy to understand.

thanks for sharing your time and art, i hope you have a great day/evening!! 💕

yeah! i’d love to share what i know about them!

so from my understanding of the khmer new year myth, the seven angels/goddesses are the daughters of Maha Brahma/Mohar Prom and every year, based on which day of the week the new year falls on, one of the daughters will be that year’s guardian. and she’ll will be in charge of bringing her dad’s head around the sacred mountain? and also to our houses? or something?

so like for example, this year, new year starts on April 16, which falls on a Thursday, so កិរិណីទេវី (Keriny Tevy) will be our angel. and she’s got a gun… sometimes. EYYYE choose to believe that she’s got a gun

but here are some other versions of her

anyways, ive done my best to translate this chart from the khmer wiki (the auto translation was…. terrible, written/formal khmer is very different from modern/spoken khmer)

in the days leading up to the new year, you set up offerings on your altars to welcome the new angel of the year for good luck, protection, etc etc. like you set out her favorite food and flowers and stuff, it’s very cute

[bbygirlverstappen]

again, i don't wanna be making this post but there's another ai picture of max (him celebrating new year's shirtless) going around.

the fact that google's ai photo generator can create such lifelike images of real actual people is scary and shouldn't be possible. the fact that the only way to surely know the photo is ai is to ask gemini to read the photo's synthID is even more messed up. anyone unknowingly sharing ai pictures has my sympathies. if this ever happens to you, the responsible thing is to turn off reblogs and delete the post. nobody unknowingly sharing ai photos is at fault. i have been fooled, you have been fooled. we all will be fooled.

i hate that we're at a point with this nightmare technology that we have to question very real looking pictures. be critical of sources - especially if someone posts a photo without providing any source or the source is something like pinterest or twitter. generally, you can trust photos where the photographer is mentioned or where the photo is sourced to an ig account of someone who knows the person in the photo.

anyone refusing to delete their ai generated photos or knowingly sharing ai generated images (especially without disclosing they're ai) and ignoring it when they're called out - fuck you.

[atemdernacht]

Mein schlimmster Gegner?

Mein Kopf...

[pikabysss]

I don't think I ever related more to any other fictional character than I do with Ragatha. Ragatha is not happy. She looks happy, she looks likes she's not taking things that seriously but she's actually deeply anxious. So anxious to make people happy to a point that if someone is unhappy it's because she failed them. She's here, but she wasn't able to help. Once her help fail, it's now HER FAULT if the person is unhappy or mentally unstable and she thinks that the person must certainly hate her.

Some deep thoughts rambling under the read more

This dirty eraser on the left was erasing better than the one on the right which looks cleaner. All the dirtiness around her was made with the right eraser. I tried to make things better with the cleaner eraser but ultimately failed. That eraser completely covered in filth, however, did the job correctly. I think both erasers held something significant in this piece so I decided to include them. The pencils worked hard too so they can be there too.

Okay, story time: One thing that happened in my life was that boy who was always mad at me. I was what I thought was the kindest I could be yet he would be very harsh with me because of mistakes I wasn't realising I was doing. And by harsh I mean very harshly and very often.

My brother told me "You were the nicest you could with him, I don't know why he was so hard on you."

He knew that my happiness was fake, and that bothered him, yet when I would be honest with my feelings, that boy wasn't treating me better. So, I tried to be on his side as much as possible and even then he would get mad.

When you're always trying to be good for everyone, you get crushed by the pressure.

Ragatha admitted that she was thinking that everyone in the circus hated her. Kinger assured that nobody hates her and I think he's right: I don't think people hate me either, but I certainly look "fake" to them and that's someone lots of people are not inclined to know deeper. You're just that nice acquaintance who gets along with everyone but nothing more. And most people who wants to be with you are the one who see your vulnerabilities and uses them.

But, now and then, there's going to be that "Kinger" that likes you. Even if you're not fully genuine, it makes them happy because those are not complete lie either: it's just amplified joy to look happier than you actually are because you're hoping that that extra happiness will make someone happier and there's some people that just needs that sometimes.

Yes, I don't think Ragatha is "fake", I think it's all about what she omits. She omits the negative things she wants to say and she omits some of her emotions by bottling them up.

I wanted to omit my feelings and my little storytime right now, but I think it goes against what I am trying to say...

I never quite saw a character written like Ragatha. The anxiety attack that she has when Kinger asks if she feels better are the EXACT types of anxiety attacks I have. It comes out as tears and not so coherent thoughts. It's not always crumbling on the floor breathing hard or all that, it's the type of "emotionally repressed" anxiety attack. Your body is begging you to explode but you're so used to holding back that all you end up doing is cry and breath slightly faster. They usually fade faster too. (As shown when Gangle arrives, Ragatha seems already over it.) Also, yeah, I do believe this scene was supposed to be an anxiety attack scene since Ragatha is not shown to cry a lot and is not someone silent, she talks a lot. But, when kinger asks her "are you alright?" she only shakes her head, not responding with a word which is usually what happens with me too: so overwhelmed I can't talk at first, I need to take a few breaths before I can even say a word because my brain is in anxiety mode. When Kinger asked "you want to talk about it?" that's when her brain got the message that she could talk. (I think that is linked that if the authorities in your childhood didn't want you to express your emotions and would tell you to stop talking or scream when you're upset or they would be extremely mad at you if you do. So, your body adapts and when you're about to have a strong emotional reaction, your vocal cords squeeze and your throat block because if you make a noise, someone will know you're unwell and you certainly don't want to bother people by being unwell, right?)

PS: I gotta add that, like her, I seem to have a fine life where I shouldn't complain. Ragatha was rich; I live in an okay house and have financial stability and yet... I'm still emotionally drained, depressed, anxious. And I also had abusive/immature parents but we still don't know what kind of abuse Ragatha received as a child so I can't really compared myself with her for that yet.

[bitterswtdvll]

[igakc]

spider socorro songs!

songs that i think represent spider socorro so go listen to them rn

Blood - The Middle East

"Oh, and you'll find somebody you can blame. And you'll follow the creek that runs out into the sea. And you'll find the peace of the Lord." OH MY GOD?? THE SULLYS? JAKE AND NEYTIRI SORT OF BLAMING SPIDER AFTER HE WAS CAPTURED BY QUARITCH, JAKE SAYING THAT 'SPIDER KNOWS EVERYTHING', HINTING AT THE FACT THAT THEY HAD TO MOVE FROM THE FOREST BECAUSE SPIDER WOULD EVENTUALLY GIVE THEM UP!!! 'follow the creek that runs out into the sea' chat. do NOT tell me that that line doesn't represent the Sully family leaving the forest, QUITE LITERALLY RUNNING OUT INTO THE SEA. 'and you'll find the peace of the Lord' THE SULLYS SHOWN BEING HAPPY WITH THE METKAYINA WHILE SPIDER WAS BEING TORTURED IM SOBBING.

"And the cancer spread, and it ran into her body and her blood. And there's nothing you can do about it now." Neteyam. Just Neteyam. Oh my god, there's nothing they could've done about it once he got shot im crying. This also relates to 3/4 of the fandom blaming Spider for Neteyam's death, and saying that it should've been Spider instead. I think the line 'theres nothing you can do about it now' just proves that it wasn't anyones fault, like once Lyle Wainfleet caught Neteyam in his line of sight, it was over. It wasn't anyones fault, and blaming Spider is just downright stupid! Anyway after this verse, a beautiful instrumental begins with just voices singing, no words, and I think that it perfectly encapsulates Spider's character, specifically the youthful joy he carries with him, and the upbringing he had with the Sully children.

"Older father, weary soul, you'll drive. Back to the home you made on the mountainside. With that ugly, terrible thing. Those papers for divorce and a lonely ring." Quaritch. Sigh. Just Recom Quaritch and his sad, recycled life. Spider having a father but he's old and weary and ugly and terrible, and who wants to kill his other father-figure, and who keeps trying to hold his friends hostage, and who saved him from being tortured, and who threatened to beat him, and who protected him from being stabbed, and who burns down Na'Vi villages, and who hurts the people, and who renounces Eywa, and who killed Neytiri's family, and who begged him to go with him. SIGHHH SPIDER SOCORRO YOU WILL ALWAYS BE LOVED BY ME.

500 Miles - Peter, Paul and Mary

"Lord, I'm one, Lord, I'm two. Lord, I'm three, Lord, I'm four. Lord, I'm 500 miles from my home. 500 miles, 500 miles, 500 miles, 500 miles." CRIES. SPIDER YOU WILL ALWAS BE LOVED BY ME. This song literally represents Spider's time as a captive with the recombinant squad. One, two, three, four. One, Kiri. Two, Lo'ak. Three, Neteyam. Four, Tuk. Spider counting the people he loves the most, the people he fights for and the reason he keeps going. '500 miles from my home' SPIDER HAVING TO LEAD THE RECOMS THROUGH THE FOREST, HIS HOME, WHERE HE GREW UP, BUT HE CAN'T RUN FREE LIKE HE USED TO. One, two, three, four. Four people who aren't in the forest anymore but Spider is, and he's so alone </3 this doesn't even make sense im just upset and typing bullshit atp.

"Not a shirt on my back, not a penny to my name. Lord, I can't go home, this away." Spider reflecting on how much he's lost over the course of his time with Quaritch, he literally has nothing. Not a shirt on his back, not a penny to his name. And when he finds Lo'ak and Neteyam on the ship, he's finally so close to home but they have to fight their way out and Neteyam gets shot and he dies and suddenly it's one, two, three, four, five hundred miles away from home again because an aspect of the home in his heart is dead and gone. And Neytiri holds him hostage and threatens to kill him and he'll never find his way home again.

angst-o-clock over here

River - Leon Bridges

"Been traveling these wide roads for so long, My heart's been far from you. Ten-thousand miles gone. Oh, I wanna come near and give ya. Every part of me." Spider traveling with Quaritch and the recoms, reflecting on the Sullys and Kiri. Ten thousand miles gone, so far away from his family in spirit but not in body. He's so close, he can feel it. They're in the same ocean, feeling the same breeze. He wants to come near them and give every part of himself like he used to,

"But there is blood on my hands, and my lips aren't clean" BUT THERE IS BLOOD ON HIS HANDS, NA'VI BLOOD AND TULKUN BLOOD THAT HE WASN'T RESPONSIBLE FOR SPILLING BUT HE FEELS IT ALL THE SAME. THE NA'VI PEOPLE THAT QUARITCH HAS INJURED, THE ILU HE'S SHOT, THE TULKUN THE SKY PEOPLE HAVE HARVESTED. He feels ashamed for what the sky people have done, what he's witnessed and yet been unable to stop. His lips aren't clean either, he's translated for his father and his squad, aided in their interrogations. Even if none of the Na'Vi blame him for it, he'll still blame himself.

I'm just imagining Spider seeing Kiri again, perhaps in a universe where Neteyam didn't die and Spider's guilt and self-hatred was amplified tenfold. The Sully family, whole and complete, shelter together on the same rock that Neteyam had died on in a different lifetime. The air is still, the calm before the storm of grieving and burying the dead. Spider bursts from the water, scrabbling up and onto the rock. He's deathly pale, his eyes wide and bloodshot. He's seen death before, but not like this. The Sully family rushes to grab ahold of him, but Spider flinches back. Blue hands, blue like Quaritch's who he'd seen drown. Blue like Wainfleet's, who he'd lost sight of half-way through the assault on the ship. Blue like Mansk, like Z-Dog, like Fike and Prager and Lopez and the Tsahik of the Ta'Unui clan, blue like the water around the dying Tulkun before it ran red with blood. Guilt, heavy and sweltering, presses down on Spider's stomach. He heaves and shouts, and falls still. Kiri presses close while the rest of the family retreats, their eyes wide and their mouths hanging agape in shock. Spider was strong, always strong and happy and so, so loud. Now he is quiet in all the wrong ways. Kiri presses close, her hands lifting to press palms against his mask, above where his cheeks are. Spider looks up, up, up into her golden eyes and sees Amrita flowing from the Tulkun's head, so much death for such a small prize. He sees Quaritch's eyes, hears his voice and feels his heart punch at the inside of his ribcage. Kiri whispers sweet nothings into his ears until he doubles over-- the saltwater that had managed to push through the seal of his mask puddles at his chin as tears replace it.

"In my darkness I remember, Momma's words reoccur to me. Surrender to the good Lord, and he'll wipe your slate clean."

Spider's darkness swallows him, drowns him, yet he prays to Eywa, and then to Kiri, and then to Neytiri and Jake and the Tulkun mother and calf, and then to Neteyam and Lo'ak and Tuk, and Norm and Max, and the Tsahik and Olo'eyktan of the village they'd burnt down. And then to Quaritch and the recoms. He prays for forgiveness, bent over with his knees cutting into the rock, with Kiri's warmth burning away the chill settled deep into his bones.

"Take me to your river. I wanna go. Oh, go on. Take me to your river. I wanna know." idk just Spider begging and praying to be taken away. Or praying for his guilt to fade, to wash away by the river's current. I love Spider and Kiri's bond, whether you see it as platonic or romantic, I don't mind either way I just love it so much. Spider's guilt and Kiri's ability to see the good in anything, Kiri is Spider's river, able to cleanse him of his self-imposed sin.

idek chat this is too sad now and im tearing up. listen to the songs please <3 half of this doesn't even make sense but yk when does my writing ever make sense

[coolskeleton66]

an excerpt from a wip I'm working on

[ tw: heavy angst, depression, implied/referenced drug & alcohol use, child death, grooming ]

Asleep or awake, he could hear her…hear them. Their screams, their pleas, their final breaths—child and adult alike—as they died by his mockingly blue blade. 

‘Master Skywalker, there are too many of them; what are we going to do?’

He hit his head to try and make it go away. They were traitors, he tried to convince himself. They had to die. Palpatine had said so, and Palpatine cared for me. Palpatine never lied to me. 

For all the physical punishments he had endured the last seven years, Vader still loved Palpatine, even if he had killed him. 

And then there was her voice—her sweet, stinging voice. Like nectar and poison, a melodic cry that dared to play through his ears by the vessel of deep-seated memories that tried to seep through when sobriety loosened their locks. 

A scene spun through his rotting brain: an argument almost a decade old on the gender of their child. She had been so sure it was a boy, yet Anakin had been so sure it was a girl. He had been foolish back then, as the child was neither—it was dead. 

The most painful part of a hangover wasn’t the drumming headache or the unquenchable thirst or even the seemingly irreparable nausea, but instead, the memories. And as he clenched his entire body, knees to chest, on his thread flaring couch, they didn’t stop. They would never stop. They would never leave him alone, and for as long as the fucking Force seemed fit, he wouldn’t get the mercy of permanent separation from them.

[gliscor]

vape shop exploding causing a building thats existed since 1851 to go up in flames and collapse was not on todays bingo card but here we are i suppose