Shamelessly Depressing

just my distraction from dying, babes

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he’s a 10, but he has a girl bestfriend... 🤔

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a friend of the frogs

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I’ve been following the Johnny Depp trial quite closely, probably too closely.

last night, I had a dream that I was watching the trial on my phone, when Johnny’s legal team went to the podium and requested to call a last-minute witness: me. it was earth rattling to hear my name across this video. as soon as I could get the thought in that it was bizarre I was being called to the stand, I was immediately transported there. I began pleading that I knew nothing about the trial and my testimony couldn’t help any, Johnny and his legal team pulled a Star Wars moment, stating that I was his “only hope.” I agreed that I’d try my best. when the courtroom had settled down, Amber’s lawyer stated that if I can’t perfectly sing Alvin and the Chipmunks “Witch Doctor,” Johnny would immediately lose the case. I thought to myself how I hadn’t seen the movie in a while, but rocking all the Alvin and the Chipmunks covers on my MP3 player in the 2000s prepared me for this exact moment. needless to say, he has this case in the bag.

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I desperately wish I were part of the 7% of American adults that still believe chocolate milk comes from brown cows. just to be part of that blissful ignorance.

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everyone keeps complaining about the chemical burns from Old Spice’s Fiji deodorant, but, in actuality, Old Spice infuses their deodorant with advanced technology that rejects the unworthy

[impostersyndromegal]

I want love. I’m tired of seeing cute couple videos and things to do and not having anyone to send them to. I’m bored And I want someone to talk to me and entertain the stupid I do.

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“So much of what we learn about love is taught to us by people who never really loved us.”

— r.h. Sin

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if you really think about the movements that Dr. Strange has to do in order to do magic...

Dr. Strange be like, “this spell will destroy *hits the woah* the entire galaxy as we know it *busts out into the macarena* if I make the slightest of mistakes.” broski literally looks like he’s directing airplane traffic for one little magic trick

the movie gets 10x funnier if you imagine Benadryl Caboodle just doing some extreme window cleaning

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ib: hobi.paint

I haven’t been painting much, or posting, for that matter, because, for the last few months, I’ve been fighting sepsis. while in the hospital, treatment caused me to develop c-diff and a few other infections. I was told I’d need surgery to help make sure I don’t get sepsis for that reason again, but I’m still having to wait until I get better enough for the procedure (and my insurance to approve the ct scans).

so, anyways. enjoy this ‘lil doggo. hope everyone is well 💜

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i don’t know who needs to hear this. maybe it’s you. maybe it’s me. who knows.

don’t give a piece of yourself to temporary people, even if you truly thought they were permanent. because you’ll be curled up in a ball on your bed on a random Wednesday afternoon, unable to get up. that comfort movie that was a staple of your childhood? yeah, you won’t be able to watch that anymore without thinking of your inside joke about it. or doing the things you once did with them will become completely unbearable. eventually, though, this will pass and you’ll find yourself doing anything to keep yourself busy so you can’t have a moment to falter. however, a second slips in anyways, and you’ll think of the inside jokes and laughs the two of you shared. those good memories come in like a rush and are immediately followed by never ending pain, as realization hits that it’s over. 

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picture day 🥳

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not to get political but...

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first and foremost, I’m not a Harry Styles fan, so don’t attack me for inaccuracies of the tattoos. second, idk who made the original so props to them, but this is my rendition

anyways. my friend liked it

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what is the stem behind parents wanting to keep their child’s teeth? why is this accepted in society? is this a rightful passage of becoming a parent? a sudden crave to cling to the fallen teeth of your spawn? if so, if a lack of the crave indicates that you are, in fact, not the father, can this hence forth be used as a paternity test? so many questions.

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I’m nobody’s favorite. I’m nobody’s anything. I’m nobody.

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idk. I took this picture yesterday and actually really like it haha