foolish wanderer

[miichellabella]

Foolishly eating less.

So it’s not quite Friday anymore, but I woke up Friday afternoon having the urge to film a video and uploading it to my YouTube channel.

Here’s the rundown. • I have a mild case of anorexia, I’ve been on and off with my eating habits for as long as I can remember - it is only now taking a toll on my body. I believe it is because of all of the stress and pressure that I get myself into, I end up either forgetting my meals and/or skipping them entirely because of the mood that I am in. The longest I have gone to date was about a month or so ago when I fainted (I hadn’t anything to eat for about two weeks - on top of working about roughly 30hrs every week). I am, in all honesty, trying my best to maintain a healthy diet - I always hated the idea of self harm, but I whole-heartedly had no idea what I was doing to myself until things went awry.

• I’m 23 with no degree, a brother to compare myself to, and a set of parents who are disappointed in me. Okay, maybe that’s just my words getting in my head and my parents really are proud of me, they’re just looking out for my best interests at heart. Nonetheless, the stress of finding different ways to help my family out financially is taking a toll on me - on top of my mother pressuring me to go back to school (even when I have yet to have a clue on what I want to study), my father secretly wanting me to be like my brother, and my brother thinking that I’m kind of worthless until I finish school and find a career.

• I get myself into opportunities that I don’t quite believe is right for me. I’m a “say ‘Yes!’” kind of person, and I am easily convinced to do so. These opportunities are great, but a lot of the times I feel like they aren’t for me and I’m taking someone else’s opportunity while they struggle to find such a great opportunity. In the long run, I’m running myself ragged and I’m slowly losing myself.

• Growing up as the youngest in the family, I was always given what I wanted. Although I appreciate everything that my family has done for me, as an adult, I’ve grown into thinking that I can get whatever I wanted and that it was easy to obtain what I wanted. My parents spoiling me was without a doubt something that sucked while growing up because at a young age, I’ve noticed my brother complaining all the time about it. Yeah it upset me, but it also clicked in my head that it was unfair to him because we both weren’t being treated equally. Come to think about who I am, I’ve grown to have a spoiled mindset and I don’t like it at all. I don’t want to feel like I need the help, or pity from people who think that they’re doing me a favour. I want to for once show that I can work for something for myself, and make something of myself by myself. Doing it that way feels more rewarding for me (although I’m still not turning away all help, it’s just the ones that don’t feel a genuine... y’know?).

• I just want a piece of mind - a stable mind. I want to let more people in, so I don’t have to wait until things get too out of hand for me. I’m thankful to those who don’t stop to get my attention when I want to be alone. I’m thankful to those who know that there’s something wrong with me and care to ask even though I won’t say anything. I’m thankful that at least one person made me feel like I wasn’t a waste of space when I needed it the most.

All in all, I just want to be happy. I want to find the person in me that I lost. Nowadays it’s really easy to get lost and feel like you have to be someone that you’re not.

Much love, live foolishly, wander safely, Chella

[miichellabella]

Let’s wander foolishly and get intoxicated.

Ever get those days where you just want to be completely shitfaced to the point where you want to black out and forget things? I usually get them quite often. It’s hard to comprehend the things life throws at you when you’re constantly struggling to solve the things that life had already thrown at you. That sentence definitely did not make any sense whatsoever, but that’s exactly how I’ve been feeling as of late.

I’m sorry life, I’m trying to figure out the shit you’ve already thrown at me so please stop throwing more things on top of that to spiral my life into chaos. Meltdowns happen, I get it. I feel the pressure from everyone - mostly I feel all that pressure from myself. Personally, I push myself to the limit and beyond it because I already have people who have high expectations from me. It’s literally fake it until I make it. And as of late, I’ve been faking it all round and haven’t been making it.

But as I’m still trying to figure this life out, I’d like to shed light and say that there’s always good out there for everyone. Sometimes it just takes time, and besides it’s harder to find a diamond in the rough right?

[miichellabella]

Foolish Wanderer.

Who’s that you ask? Chella’s online pseudonym. I figured, why not just keep it real with the feels? I’m human too, it’s just I don’t have the voice to voice my emotions.

So let’s “talk” every Fridays with tidbits of Foolish Wanderer.

[hiphoptoday]

Chance The Rapper & Lil B - Free (Mixtape) (New)

[fedswatching]

[miichellabella]

me... sometimes my friends, but usually me.

[miichellabella]

So let’s talk music.

Alessia Cara. Let’s take a minute to talk about this 19 year old singer-songwriter from Brampton, Ontario. So a friend of mine had shown me the lyric video to her debut single Here about a month ago, and it kind of slipped my mind about this girl until I stumbled upon her again looking through soundcloud. To my surprise I quickly realized that I had heard this song before and forgot how much this song resonated with me and how it was a good song in general.

With a deep sultry sounding instrumental, and her accompanying silky and smooth r&b voice, Alessia takes the listener through the story of an introverted girl surrounded by people who don’t “care about her wellbeing” and is only at the party because her girls are there. I’m easily impressed with songs that relate to everything you go through when you’re in your late teens to late twenties (hey, this song is literally written FOR ME).

I’ll be on the look out for this girl who’s touring right now and is signed with Def Jam. Her Four Pink Walls EP will be out on August 28th. Support ya homegirl!

[miichellabella]

So let’s talk music.

YouTube sensation, 22 year old Tori Kelly blew up the world (or at least the US) with her debut album Unbreakable Smile on June 23rd 2015. It’s crazy to grow up watching and listening to this girl cover songs on YouTube. From covers like Frank Ocean’s Thinkin’ Bout You ft. AngieGirl (peep it), or when I first discovered her through AJ Rafael’s channel - it’s insane how far this girl has come since then.

People’ll probably hate me for being late on this album, but I don’t care. I’m glad I found it when I could ‘cause music heals - and ya girl needs healing.

It’s usually rare for me to come across an album where I can sit and go through so many emotions just by listening to one album. Letting Tori sing sweet melodies that speak true to her and undoubtedly to fans and people who can relate to each song is a whirlwind.

Unbreakable Smile brings you a pop/r&b/soul mixture, with features such as Ed Sheeran, LL Cool J and Daye Jack. I’m in awe with the range that she has in her arsenal, I mean I’ve seen it all on YouTube. I find myself not skipping a song, and looking at live performances on Jimmy Kimmel or Ellen, I’m impressed with the acoustic versions of the songs that are studio produced (I’m looking forward to whether or not she’ll come out with an acoustic version of this album). 

The way you live your life, depends on you That’s when I realized I wanna make a difference Change other people’s lives, give hope, even for a moment Use my name for good and change the game I could

Unbreakable Smile - Tori Kelly

Clearly it has been a long time coming. I’m a sucker for underdog stories, Kelly being signed at 12 only to find out she can do this music thing on her own through YouTube, to now being signed by Capitol Records and managed by Scooter. It’s one of those stories that tear at the heartstrings. I look at Tori now, and I see this beautiful, strong, and independent girl repping all the ladies trying to make it big in the industry. The come up being the struggle, but getting there is rewarding.

C’mon support a homegirl and buy her album on iTunes here.

[miichellabella]

Hello world, I’d like to make a comeback post regarding Wired Wednesdays.

I know I’ve been quite inactive in the YouTube community, I’ve been quite focused on future endeavours that I can’t pass up (I’ll be sure to update you all on that as well). Great news though!

Remember how I said in my previous post that I would be completely modelling Wired Wednesdays into something completely different? Well, I’ve been on my music grind and I’m getting ready to post a whole bunch of new content for this segment. Some will be filmed, others will be blog posts, nonetheless, MORE CONTENT!

Bringing it back to my very first WW back in 2014 when I talked about 2 On by Tinashe ft. ScHoolBoy Q before everyone else hopped on the track and then everyone enjoyed it in the mainstream world.

^ This is precisely what I wanted WW to be. Stay posted, keep it gangsta.

Chella

[miichellabella]

Warm Welcomings

Hello, good morning, good afternoon, evening, night, whenever you are reading this really! Blogs have always been a big past time of mine, so whilst creating content for my YouTube channel I've come to the conclusion that putting up more content on here would complement the stuff that I post up on my channel.

Allow me to explain. I've always been an awkwardly shy person, it somewhat translates on the videos that I've posted on my channel. So as an exercise, this blog will help me voice my opinions eloquently and thoroughly. Once I've figured out what my voice is, I'll be a little more comfortable talking in front of a camera. I AM NOT QUITTING YOUTUBE! I'm still going to be posting YouTube content, but just not as often as I am going to be posting up on here.

Fear not m'loves! YouTube has always been one of the things that I've wanted to do growing up. As an aspiring dancer, YouTube made my passion for it that much more stronger with all these inspirational dance videos flooding my subscription page. As for being a complete make up junkie, I've caught myself tens of thousands of times talking to myself in front of the mirror talking through my holy grails or my foundation routine. So, expect a bunch of lovely beauty related things in my blog and on my YouTube channel! Oh, and maybe even some knitting/crocheting tutorials as well because I'm a grandma at heart.

I'm also a music junkie. For those of you who have been following my channel and Wired Wednesdays, after a lot of thinking and consideration I've decided on completely changing the way I've intended WW to be. Initially I had news related content to artists, and then reviews however it didn't resonate to what I really wanted WW to be. So I hope you guys are excited to see what I have in store for this segment because I know I am!

As I launch this blog, please do feel free to peep my other videos!

YouTube