Perfectly blessed...

I guess when you already found the one for you, there will be no doubts, fears, and questions if he really loves you or not. You'd already be sure of it ♥ The Haelierd Chronicles ♥ Blogger's Name: Unknown Property of Andrei Anives ♥ Believing on Mark 9:23

[mindofalovedinsecure-blog]

I guess we’re destined to break..

But our faith and love that God has given us did its best for us not to. 

In the 17 years of my existence, I’ve always loved adventure and mysteries. It gives me excitement and the feeling of courage to take it. But never did I have been into one because honestly, I’m a hell of a coward. I hate hassles. I love adventures but hates the travel and the walk to it. I hate the process, the road along the way but has always loved the ending. 

And I never thought that having this relationship with you would make me face my fears. 

Last week, only the three of us (God, you and me) knew the trials that we faced. The challenges, the threats, the fear and the pain we confronted aren’t that of those you can call ‘ez tweazy’. It is beyond my imaginations and expectations that we would enter such trial in our relationship. And being a coward as I am, I thought of giving this whole thing up. And for the first time, you agreed because you were too hurt to see me hurting while in a relationship with you. We were almost doomed to end. But as tears fell from your eyes as you were saying sorry, blaming yourself for what happened, my heart started to ache and get broken. ‘Damn, I love this guy’ is the only thought that came into my mind. And seeing you cry because you didn’t want me to leave you but you wanted to set me free of all the pain breaks my heart even more. 

And so for the first time in my life, I became strong. 

All for you.

And God didn’t forsake us nor abandon us on our way to the new life we’ve been wanting to have. He didn’t look at our imperfections and mistakes. He looked beyond it and now he helped us and forgave our sins. And now, we’re going back to His presence. Thank You, Lord!

I just wanted to conclude that, also, without you, I wouldn’t be strong to face all of these. You became my strength. You became a man I never thought you would be. And I loved you even more for that. I love you so much. And I’ll never get tired of facing trials with you because this is, I think, what I’m destined for. To fight and have more adventures with you, my love. You are the granted wish and answered prayer, Andrei. I love you. 

[mindofalovedinsecure-blog]

Happy girlfriend.

Yes and I am very proud to say that I may be the happiest living girlfriend in the whole wide world, thanks to my man. Habang nagbabasa ako ng mga achuchu na status at confessions sa Facebook at sobrang madramang tweets sa Twitter tungkol sa mga boyfriends na walang time, ma-pride at nagbabago ang ugali kapag nagtatagal... may narealize ako.

Napaisip ako.... bakit ako hindi?

Hindi ako umiiyak gabi-gabi. Palagi akong masaya. Palagi kaming masaya. 

Thank you, bby. Kasi hindi ako namomoblema sayo. Palagi kang may time sakin, hindi mo nakakalimutan magtext sakin, hindi ka matagal mag-reply, hindi ka sinungaling, wala kang china-chat na babae, hindi mo ako pinagseselos, hindi mataas ang pride mo, pinapakita mo palagi yung pagmamahal mo sakin. Lagi kang gumagawa ng paraan para makita ako at makausap ako. Hindi ka rin tulad ng iba na nagbabago ang ugali. Consistent ka lang sa pagmamahal mo at effort mo para sakin. Palagi mo akong inuuna. Napaka-sweet mong lalaki kahit maton ka at may pagka-siga. Salamat. Salamat kasi pakiramdam ko, napaka-blessed kong girlfriend. Dati kasi, puro iyak ako gabi-gabi dahil sa isang maling lalaki. Ngayon, palagi akong may ngiti bago matulog dahil sa mga nakakakilig na messages mo. Hindi nakakasawa. Sobrang nakakatuwa. Salamat ha?

You are the best, buddy! I love you!

[mindofalovedinsecure-blog]

Are you home?

A home is a place where you feel comfortable, safe, and loved. It is a place wherein you can be whoever you want to be and still be accepted in spite of the flaws along side with it. That is why a lot of people says, "Your house might not be your home." because there are times that even inside your own house, you wouldn't feel that affection you are longing.

But as for me, I'll put simple that a home is a place where you truly belong.

I've been in many frail relationships in the past. Relationships that I truly regret up until now. Relationships that wreck my whole being, destroyed a lot of me, and made me not know myself anymore. Since I usually feel neglected inside our house, I guess I was too hungry for attention, care, and affection that I kept on trying and searching for a place wherein I can call 'my home'. Searching for it over and over again in the past made me weak and tired. Thus, I have concluded that maybe it is destined for me to be alone. To be happy and feel like I am the princess of the story at the first 5 chapters of the book and find out that I am just a damsel looking from afar at the end. I lost my trust for all the people I have and will have in my life. For I thought that love is a game that when you're weak, you couldn't win.

But when I met you, all those things started to change. You gave me the same butterflies I feel inside my tummy, the dreams, the smiles, and the princess feeling. Thus, I thought you were the same as they are. And I've locked into my mind that one day, you will leave too. Thus, I admit that I have loved you for so long now without trusting that you would stay. Little by little, you're proving that my suspections are wrong. That I am wrong.

And I was. I was wrong.

As I've slept in your arms that night, I've felt something I never felt before with my past relationships. As you held me tight, caress my hair with your hands, and pull me close to kiss me on my forehead each time... I couldn't help but to smile. I felt that love that I was looking for... for so long. Every sweet kiss you give on my forehead, I felt the respect I was longing. And every time I open my eyes and look at you, you are already looking at me. The warmth that I've been wanting, the assurance I've been searching for, the attention I've been craving, the affection I've been yearning and most of all, the true love everyone wants to feel and have. I found it all in your arms. I guess that night, I didn't feel the same butterflies in my tummy, the sparks flying or even the slow motion and all those juvenile lore in falling love. What I felt was different.

I felt like.... I am now home. The barriers and walls that I built for years has now been destroyed.

I've never been so happy in my life. I've never been so sure before. Now, I am full of courage to take steps in our relationship. To be with you, no matter how hard this will get.  No matter how many times we'd fight, no matter how many times you'd hurt me, no matter how many times you'd make me cry, and no matter how many trials we'd face before the end of our line. And lastly,  I will love you, no matter how wrecked you'll be in the future and no matter how insecure you'll be because that is how you're loving me. I love every inch of you. I love how you make me happy. Thank you for this wonderful feeling.

All those years I've been searching, I never thought that I'd find it beside me. Thank you for now I can say... I am home.

In your arms, I found my home.

And please be rest assured my love, that you are also home in my arms. You'll never be left alone. I promise.

[mindofalovedinsecure-blog]

"Miss na kita, gusto kitang makasama"

Minsan kapag sinasabi mo yan, ayaw ko ng maniwala. Umaasa lang kasi ako e. Umaasa ako na kapag makita mo ako, sasalubungin mo ako ng yakap kasi sobrang excited ka makita ako, diba? Umaasa ako na kapag nakasama mo na ako, di ako makakaimik sa sobrang dami mong maikwe-kwento kasi sabik kang makausap ako. Umaasa ako na walang sandali na masasayang kapag kasama kita. Wala kang sasayangin na sandali para sa pagkakataon na magkasama tayo.

Pero minsan, mali ako. Minsan iba ka, minsan naiinis na rin ako at napapailing kapag sinasabi mo sa text na miss mo na ako dahil alam kong kapag nagkita na tayo, hindi mo naman ipapakita yon. Wow, uy, sana text ka na lang o kaya naman ay emoji para kitang kita ko kung paano mo ako kamiss. Kasi minsan, walang ngiti akong nakikita sa mga labi mo kapag papalapit na ako sayo. Walang mahigpit na yakap na sumasalubong, walang kwento, walang imikan, at walang wala yung sinabi mo na miss mo na ako. Nakakaloko nga e. Nakakainis na kapag tinamaan ka ng pagka-wala ng mood, antok, o pagod, mawawala na rin ako sa paningin mo. Para bang, "wala ako sa mood e, bakit ba, ikaw ang umintindi". Nakakaloko.

Yun lang siguro yung ayaw ko sayo. Yung parang hindi mo na ako girlfriend kapag wala ka na sa mood. Hindi na ako mahalaga kapag inaantok ka na. Wala na, nasaan na yung mga sinabi mo? Wala na.

[mindofalovedinsecure-blog]

Simple 'kiligs' and little joys.

Make me fall in love with you even more.

I guess that is the best thing about our relationship. Everything always feels like it's brand new. Parang kahapon lang naging tayo, ika-nga nila. Ewan ko ba pero hindi naman tayo kasi yung couple na palaging PDA. Hindi tayo yung tipo na masyadong showy ng pagmamahal natin sa isa't isa. Iba tayo e, tayo yung kengkoy lovers na parang mga tanga habang naka-tambay sa ilalim ng puno. Nagkakantahan, nagkukulitan, naglalaitan, nantri-trip sa mga taong dumadaan at bume-belat sa mga maliit na bata kapag hindi nakatingin ang kanilang mga mommy na hawak sila. Ganon tayo e. I guess that is what makes us special. Dahil iba tayo. Hindi tayo mapagkamalang mag-syota minsan kapag magkasama tayo, magugulat na lang yung mga schoolmates mo na nakikita mo sa daan kapag bigla mong hahawakan ang kamay ko habang naglalakad tayo.

Sa totoo lang, ang boring natin baka yung relasyon natin ayawan ng mga publishing houses kapag gagawing libro. Baka kasi wala silang makitang special satin. Sino ba naman kikiligin sa magkarelasyon na paramihan kumain ng fishball, tusukan ng stick, suntukan sa daan, laitan todamax, pagandahan ng chiix na maituturo, pacute-an sa selfies, palakasan ng dighal, pagalingan sa Tekken, at barahan ng mga korning jokes. Ni monthsary nga, wala tayo dahil tinatamad tayo magkaroon non kasi korni. At isa pa, ang natatandaan ko, ang pinaka-mahal na date na nagawa natin ay umabot lang ng hindi hihigit sa 150 pesos. Bike lang yun, fishball, isaw, tokneneng, drinks, at yung natira e, pinang-funhouse natin. Hindi tayo tulad ng ibang magkarelasyon na buwan-buwan may pinupuntahan, may mga videos na sweet, may relationship goals na tinatawag at kung ano ano pa. Hindi mo nga ako madalas i-compliment kapag bagong gupit ako o may bagong damit, madalas mo pa ngang laitin. Kaya naman kapag sinabi mong maganda ako lalo't haggard ako, sobrang kilig na yung tumbong ko don.Wala tayong ganon! Ang tanging meron lang satin e pangakong magmamahalan habang buhay. At ang pangakong sa tuwing magkasama tayo laging masaya.

Pero kahit baduy tayo at cheap, ito yung dahilan kaya araw-araw mas minamahal kita. Mas natatakot akong mawala ka. At mas pinapangarap ko na makasama ka sa habang buhay. Dahil alam kong mahirap na makahanap ng ganitong ka-relasyon na sakay sa lahat ng trip ko. Mahirap na makahanap ng best friend na at the same time, karelasyon ko. Sa buong buhay ko, ngayon lang ako naging sobrang sigurado sa gusto ko. Ang gusto ko? Itong relasyon na to. Ikaw. Lahat sayo.

Kaya ulupong (tawag ko sa kanya), salamat ha? Sana makayanan mo pa lahat ng kakulitan ko at pagdra-drawing sa batok mo. Mahal na mahal kita. At gagawin ko lahat para lang magsama tayo ng habangbuhay.

[mindofalovedinsecure-blog]

Kapag ex, EX na. Papel pa more?

Tapos kana. Hindi naman sa tinapon kana, pinagsawaan, ayaw na sayo at nakaraan kana. Pero ganon na nga. Kaunting respeto naman sa present girlfriend/boyfriend, wag ka nang pumapel! Iwas-iwas rin pag may time. At talagang yung mga magulang nong ex mo, 'mommy-daddy' pa rin ang tawag mo? Maka-close ka sa kapatid niya, daig pang Sta. Claus? Iba naman yung kindness sa pagiging mapapel e. Ang sakin lang, hanapin mo ang lugar mo. Hindi na ikaw, may bago na. Tanggapin pag may time.

[mindofalovedinsecure-blog]

"Gusto mo ba na palagi tayo magka-away?"

That question froze me for a moment. Siyempre, ang sagot ay hindi. Ngunit bakit niya naitanong yun sakin? Napailing ako, ilang beses na nga ba ako nagalit ngayong araw na'to sa kanya? Mga tatlo yata, sa walang ka-kwenta kwenta naman na mga dahilan at rason na pinapalaki ko lang yung issue. Reason why? I don't even know. Napakabilis uminit ng ulo ko ngayon, kakatapos ko lang naman magka-period. Nakakabwisit tuloy ako. Naaawa ako, at the same time, nabwibwisit sa kanya.

Andrei is the type of guy na mas masarap kasama kasya kausap sa text. Barok kasi yan magtext minsan tapos mamaya napaka habang magreply tapos mamaya, kakaunti na lang at para bang walang gana. E, ako? Consistent. Hindi nagbabago. Doon ako naiinis sa kanya, alam mo yung nasa climax na kayo ng kwentuhan at magandang usapan tapos bigla naman siyang mawawalan ng gana at biglang magpapaalam na matulog. Minsan nga, hindi pa e, diretsong tulog na. Antok na raw kasi kaya ako nagiinit. Sabagay, human needs niya ang matulog. I wonder why bakit napaka-galitin ko.

Ngunit alam ko naman kung bakit. I just kept on denying in myself that I already knew. Reason why? Pakiramdam ko kasi nagiging kumportable na siya sakin. Alam mo yon? Kahit anong gawin niya, mapapatawad ko siya. Kahit anong gawin niyang mali, mahal ko siya. Okay lang lahat. Nawawala na yung effort minsan. Nawawala na yung takot at yung pagpapahalaga. And ayaw na ayaw kong mawala yun pero ayon ang nararamdaman ko.

Ayaw kong igaya niya ako sa ex niya na palagi niyang pinapahabol at binabalewala. Ibahin niya ako. Gusto kong ipakita sa kanya na ako ang boss, ang masusunod at hindi pwedeng gawin niya sakin ang ginawa niya sa ex niya. Maybe that's the consequence of his bad acts to his ex girlfriend before that I knew everything about. Minsan wala akong tiwala sa kanya na kaya niya akong mahalin hanggang dulo. Minsan nagdo-doubt ako sa kanya. Siguro yun ang consequence, palagi akong may takot. At dahil sa takot na yun, nagagalit ako sa kanya kada may gagawin siyang hindi ko nagugustuhan. Given the fact na naibigay ko na lahat sa kanya, mang-iiwan pa?

But I am thankful. Kasi sa huli, siya pa rin ang humingi ng sorry, siya pa rin nagpakumbaba, siya pa rin ang nag-ayos nitong problema namin. Mahal niya kasi ako, mahal na mahal. I just wish I'd have a bigger space in my heart to believe again.

[mindofalovedinsecure-blog]

Hi baby. Miss ko kausap ikaw. Seryoso. Pero nagpapahinga ka tonight kaya no disturb muna. Sobrang sama ng pakiramdam ko. Sana andito ka. Mahal kita.

[mindofalovedinsecure-blog]

Matuto kang umintindi, hindi yung puro ikaw ang iniintindi.

Lahat ng tao napapagod. Lahat ng tao pwedeng sumuko. At maswerte ka pa dahil andyan pa rin siya hanggang ngayon. Konting problema lang, susuko kana. Para kang shotgun na walang tigil sa pagputok, dire-diretso, walang kasa-kasa. Nakakarindi ka pero pinapakinggan ka pa rin niya. Nakakapagod ka pero sinusuyo ka pa rin niya. Nakakasira ka sa utak pero iniintindi ka pa rin niya. At sa huli't huli? Magkakaayos kayo. Bakit? Hindi dahil sa pagpapatawad mo kundi dahil sa hindi niya pagsuko. Kasi mahal ka niya. Matuto kang umintindi. Mag-isip. Mahal mo siya diba? Paramdam mo naman.

[mindofalovedinsecure-blog]

Badminton Buddy and Trainor

Out of boredom and the urge to try new stuffs together, naisipan namin na mag-Badminton since ito rin yung PE ko na hindi ko maipasa-pasa (yes, wala akong bones for sports) at kasalungat naman sakin, player siya ng Badminton. So, why not? So, we decided to rent a court at Greencourt located in our place. 

The experience was super, duper fun! Noong una, kami pa lang dalawa ang naglalaro. Bigayan lang kami ng tira and then, nag-scoring na kami. Langhiya ng apat na beses hindi ko siya matalo-talo. Maige sana kung kalaati ang lamang ng score niya sakin. Ay hindi, mga 1/6 ang lamang. Okay, I don’t suck at Badminton. I play good. Just good. Hindi mo naman kasi ako pwedeng isabak sa kaya na player ng Badminton. Luckily, dumating ang friends ko na Badminton geeks at ayon, nakalaro niya sila. Nawili naman siya. 

And alam mo yung nakakatuwa sa araw na’to? Yun yung kahit sobrang bulok ko sa Badminton, kahit sobrang napagod siyang sumimot ng mga tira kong mas malayo pa sa outside (dahil sa katabing court tumalsik) at kahit alam kong bored na bored siyang kalaban ako, hindi siya nagrest even for a minute to say, “Tama na nga, maya ka na ulit. Pagod na ako sayo” but instead tuloy tuloy lang siyang binibigyan ako ng serve, tinuturuan ako ng tamang pagpalo, at sa huli, natuto naman ako. Siguro nakikita niya yung saya ko sa tuwing sala yung tira ko kaya nagiging masaya na rin siya. At isa pang nakakatuwa, yung effort niya na makilala yung mga kaibigan ko. Hindi siya naging aloof, nakipaglaro pa siya sa kanila. Medyo tahimik siya ng kaonti noong una, syempre nanga-ngapa pa. Pero thankful ako kasi, nakakatuwa yung paglalaro nila. Parang magkakakilala na sila. Nagpasalamat nga ako sa kanya kasi sa suplado niyang yun, nakikipagusap siya sa mga kaibigan ko at hindi yung parang batang paslit na ako lang ang sinasamahan. Wala, natutuwa kasiako sa ganon. Who wouldn’t want your friends to be also friends with your boyfriend? Diba, wala? 

I am also glad na I’ve given him this day para maglaro. I know how much he missed playing. And nakakatuwa kasi, kasama niya ako. 

Thank You, Lord! A “first” that we both experienced together. (Yesterday: October 25, 2015)

[mindofalovedinsecure-blog]

#BitternessKayExGirlfriend101

Siguro, nature na ng mga present girlfriends ang maging bitter sa naging karelasyon ng kanyang boyfriend? Lalo na doon sa ex-girlfriend na pinaka-tumagal sa piling ng boyfriend mo ngayon. Yung ex-girlfriend na hindi maka-move on, bitter pa rin, wagas magparinig at sinusubukang pagselosin yang boyfriend mo sa mga ginagawa niya (which never works, btw). Sounds familiar ba?

"Jusko, di naman maganda. Pinost pa" "Sana nilagyan ng filter. Ay, may filter na pala, pangit pa rin" "I look better, bitch"         - pag nagpost ng selfie.

"Umay naman! May nagtatanong baga?"          - kapag nagkwe-kwento siya sa Twitter tungkol sa kalandian niya

"Desperada ka. Pangit mo na, desperada ka pa" "Palunukin kita dyan ng muriatic, hayop kang higad"          - kapag inaalala niya yung moments with your boyfriend noon

Pero lahat yan ay sa isip mo lang. Unless, war freak ka. Inaaway mo sadya siya. Wag ganun, bad yun. Sa isip na lang. Ngunit kapag kaharap mo na siya at kausap.

"Oh, hi! Okay naman kami. Ikaw? May lovelife kana ba? Oh bakit wala pa? Ganda mong yan"

O'diba? Pero kanya kanya lang tayo ng paraan kung paano makapagreact sa ex girlfriends na kumikire pa rin at lakas maka-papel. Nakakatuwa nga yung iba e, ka-close nila yung ex girlfriend ng boyfriend nila tapos in good terms sila. Ewan ko kung paano nila nakakayanan yun. Hindi sila bitter kaya eto, isang slow clap para sa inyo. Clap clap clap. Kasi ako? Sakin siya ngayon at habangbuhay. Hindi ko hahayaan na mailapit ko siya o yung relasyon namin sa isang taong naging parte na ng buhay niya at naging karelasyon niya. Parang ipi-nain ko ang manok sa isang ahas. Very wrong. Hindi ko kayang makita sila magkasama dahil sa tuwing nakikita ko sila na magkausap, magkasama o nagkukulitan. Feeling ko may 'throwback' na nagaganap sa hindi araw ng Thursday.

[mindofalovedinsecure-blog]

"The FIRSTs are magical and unforgettable.. but I'm not your FIRST.."

Does that mean the moments we're having aren't magical? And does it mean that the memories you've shared with your ex-girlfriend is still in your mind till now? Don't I affect you? Is she still in you? What about me? How can you differentiate your feelings with me with the ones you had with her?

I'm an insecure girlfriend.

My man came into my life as an experienced casanova. He had flings with a lot of girls before. Flings that didn't last for a couple of months but one of it did. It lasted for about a year and a month and the so called 'fling' turned into a real relationship. And it was my man's first real relationship. Hence, it is my man's first time to have a girlfriend. For one year and one month,  a lot of things already came to their relationship. Good memories, trials, tears, pain, joy, and a plenty of unforgettable stuffs. That is all new to my boyfriend.

She's his first kiss. 

She's his first real love. 

She's his first happiness. 

She's his first movie date, lunch date, valentines partner, Santa-baby on Christmas, and sneak-outs partner. 

She's the first girl that my boyfriend has ever put effort on. 

And lastly, she's the first girl my boyfriend had sex with.

And their relationship ended because my boyfriend fell out of love. Reason for it? I also knew but that is not what I'm pointing out in this blogpost.

My point? It's hurting me. It's painful. It's sick. I feel terrible typing this post. Literally, I feel my heart is breaking into two while I think about their past relationship. The things they've shared together and all those memories they had. The feeling is tragic. Being not your boyfriend's 'first' in everything is one of the worst feelings for a girlfriend. I don't know about the other girlfriends but it is making me broken. You might call me pathetic for feeling this way but I don't think there is something that can heal this pain easily.

I am so insecure. Everytime my boyfriend and I go to dates, special dates by the way, my heart is exceeding with joy as I share that moment with him. Every moment I have with him always feels like the first time and every time that comes into my mind... it breaks me once again. Because it might be my first time to have that kind of moment...but it is not his. It's distressing that out of my patheticness and overthinking, sometimes I see his ex-girlfriend all over him when I look at him. Everytime I kiss him, it's like I'm kissing her too. Each time he hugs me, I picture them cuddling. And everytime we make out, I imagine them making love. And I repeat, it's painful. It's sick and it's tearing me apart.

I love him so much that I couldn't take to see him with another girl even if it's just in my imaginations. Yeap, imaginations of mine. And you might say that to end my insecurity, I should stop thinking about it. But hella believe me, I am trying to! But I couldn't. I really can't because it all happened before. It is reality. I'm not just making it all up. And every time we do the same thing as they did before (dates, kisses, cuddling, movies), I couldn't help but to compare myself  to her. Am I a better kisser? Do I look even prettier than her? Who's the better partner?

And all these things.... all these pain that I'm feeling... all these tears... all of it... hurts him even more. There are times when my insecurity hits me, I overreact so hard that it looks like I'm blaming him. He can't stand to see me hurt that there came those moments wherein he feels regretful of the past that he wishes for me to be his first girlfriend instead of her. Don't get me wrong, he is the perfect boyfriend to have. He does everything for me not to feel insecure. He does everything to show that I am better his ex, than anybody else. He does everything to make me feel like a princess. His princess.

But my insecurity just stopped for a while but it keeps on going till now. Boyfriend, please never get tired of having me. I promise. I promise to accept everything. I will on the right time. Please stay with me, I love you.

I'm insecure but I am loved by you, babe.

[mindofalovedinsecure-blog]

“Tinulugan mo nanaman ako kagabi.”

Minsan hindi ko na alam ang iisipin, kung magtatampo ba ako o iintindihin ko na lang na inaantok ka na. Maarte kasi akong girlfriend, gusto ko nagpapaalam sakin bago matulog. E, paano ka magpapaalam kung hindi mo namalayan na napapikit ka na at nakaliban na sa ibang dimensyon ng mundo dahil sa antok mo? Chos lang. 

Nakakatampo naman sadya. Lalo kapag nasa gitna kayo ng maganda-gandang topic na pinaguusapan o kaya naman ay nasa gitna kayo ng mainit niyong away tapos bigla na lang ang tagal magreply. At ang mahahaba mong texts ay naging, “Uy?”, “Dyan ka pa?”, “Huy”, “Bahala ka dyan”, “Huy ano ba?” hangga’t sa huli, suko kana, tampo na siya. Hue hue. 

Pero look at the bright side mga tinutulugang mga karelasyon! Hindi siya nagrereply dahil nakatulog siya ng hindi niya namamalayan. Marahil habang katext ka e, kinukurot niyan ang sarili niyan, mareplayan ka lang. Effort diba? At isa pa, at least ikaw ang huling katext, walang ibang kausap kundi ikaw. Hindi nagrereply yan dahil tulog na, hindi dahil sa may ibang kausap. Unless yon nga ang dahilan. That’s a different story, paimbestigahan mo na kay Conan. 

[mindofalovedinsecure-blog]

You know what I hate about life?

People change. People leave. Friendships are doomed. And relationships are broken. And you have no choice but to....move on. 

[mindofalovedinsecure-blog]

I never win over you...

We are not a perfect couple. Some observers and friends say that we are because of the way how they're smitten every time we're together. They love the way how we act like kids in making each other laugh, act like best friends while we're together, and take care of each other like husband and wife. I guess that "Ohmygosh, you two look so cute" is what all observers comment about young couples like us.

But what they don't know is that we fight. A lot. 

We quarrel about the stupidest things we talk about. At first, it's all jokes, teases and making fun then moments later, it's now a debate on who gives more concern and who gives the stress in this relationship.

And as an insecure girlfriend I am, who got used to the tears, pain, and hatred from the past few years in my past terrible relationships.

I get hurt so easily. I overthink abruptly. Thinking that you are doing this fight because you wanted to get rid of me. That you don't want me in your life anymore. Which will turn the heat up on you and will accuse me of not trusting you again. 

Then, I will curse your name a lot of times. Will ask you to leave me right away, will pity myself, and will burst into tears. And there goes I am, broken and vulnerable, just waiting for the judge to declare who the winner is in this battle. Even though, I know it wasn't me.

And just as I am expecting you to give your last blow, your last shot. Your winning shot that will immediately kick me out of the game.You raised your white flag, wiped my tears, and hugged me tight. And instantaneously, I felt your love healing my pain, breaking those walls, and making me believe again.

"Okay then, you win babe. I never win over you because I can't stand to see you cry. If winning every fight means you getting hurt and broken then I'd be declaring myself as the loser every time. Don't cry now, baby. I love you..."

You may have broken my heart a few times. You may have been the reason for my tears at night. But I'll never forget how a man like you, who got used to winning in life and hates to lose, would forfeit just to keep me happy.

[mindofalovedinsecure-blog]

You ain’t perfect, babe.

So, please. Try not to. Know why? Because I’m here to love you and your flaws. 

(This is a picture of me and my guy)

Not only girls have the right to feel weak and insecure, even guys feel it too! The difference is that they don't want to be given much attention because of it opposite to what we wanted. Because let's face it, we girls are mega attention seekers. However, some guys aren't because it makes them feel weak and feminine. Case in point, my boyfriend, Andrei.

I admire my boyfriend so much because I can see that 'superman' toughness in him. I feel safe and secured whenever I'm with him. Aside from being manly, he is also protective, respectful, and a true gentleman. And having this image makes him uptight. He seldom expose his true emotions, especially if those emotions are pain, sadness, and insecurity. I get that he wants me to still see him as my superman, as a strong person. He doesn't want me to worry much about him because all that he wanted was me to be worry-free and happy. He doesn't want to be a burden to me.

A lot of people may say that my boyfriend is good at faking smiles and showing fake emotions. But to me? You still need some workshop for your acting skills, honey. That's not going to make me believe. I've been so attached to him that I notice the slightest change in the tone of his voice. You can't fool me. And I know I have to make a move about this. So babe..

Not all superheroes can fly. 

Not all superheroes have inevitable powers.

Every superhero has his own weakness.

And I am your weakness.

But I'd like to introduce to you a new plot of a superhero movie that I just invented. In this story, the weakness will be the strength of the superhero. The weakness will help the superhero to be strong. The weakness will make the superhero happy, driving all his fears away. What about that?

Andrei, please don't be scared of showing what you really feel to me. Please don't conceal those tears. Show me your pain. Show me how afraid you are. Show me how terrible you can be. And I will show you the great love I have for you inside. The love that won't let you go. The love that will keep you warm in a cold night. The love that will sing you melodies when you can't sleep at night. The love that will never leave your side. The love you should trust. The love that is for you.

I won't be your Lois Lane, Superman. Instead, I'd be your Superwoman. You save me, I'll save you.

[mindofalovedinsecure-blog]

Loving the Creator, not the creations.

Ever hated the world around you? Heck, yes, I’m sure that’s your answer. As days, months, years and centuries pass by, this world is rapidly changing its character from being lovable to despicable. And as your grandma always say, “Di na gaya ng sa amin dati.” (Far from what we had before)

To condense it, this world that we live in is polluted. 

Polluted of wicked people with evil minds pure of thoughts on how to destroy, kill, and devastate. 

Polluted with lies, broken promises, fake identities, double personalities, hidden motives, and abusive individuals. Finding a living is a becoming a hard thing to do. 

Words are misunderstood and feelings are left unspoken. Truth is concealed and lies are easily believed. Pain becomes a usual feeling and crying becomes a part of your routine every night. People changes and hearts are broken. Good people are usually taken advantage of and bad people usually win. 

I am sick. Sick of this pollution. Sick of this life in earth. And at the same time, SCARED. Scared of what I am living on. 

But as I look at the blue skies above, the remaining trees around, the chirps of the birds, the laughs of children, the smiles of happy people, the waves of the ocean, and feel the air that I breathe. 

I smile, look up, and whisper, “Hey, Big Guy, my God and my Father, Yahweh. I know you’re looking down with love. I still thank you for there is still light and love here in earth.” 

I realized that if you look on the things around you, you’d be disappointed about of almost everything. But if you look up and look at the Creator, you will see His righteousness and grace upon your life. You’d be motivated to keep on going. Stay on what is right. Stay on the right track. For He is up there, looking at you, watching you, and trusting you not to be like everybody else. He trusts you to be faithful to Him. 

Just remember this reminder from the book of Corinthians. Get up, smile, and start your day right. Trust God. And, do not get polluted!