hello loves 🖤 I'm j, I'm 24 years old, and I use she/her pronouns. I created this blog to be a safe space for us, a little spot of comfort in this crazy world. I'm glad you're here!
my ults are xu minghao (seventeen), bae jinyoung (cix), and park sunghoon (enhypen) 🖤🖤🖤
- please note that I write smut on this blog. if that's not your thing, feel free to go elsewhere and/or block me. I will not tolerate harassment in my inbox!
💫 masterlist
💫 before you request
💫 hot off the press!
please do not interact unless you are 18+, this blog contains nsfw content and mature themes. any minor accounts I see interacting with smut will be blocked!
BITCH(lovingly ofc) i read your ‘to love easily’ when you first published it, i cried, i kept going back to it- i even took ss. it’s so good and you’re an amazing writer. i only hope to be loved so deeply. please keep writing if it’s something you love because you’re so good at what you do.
wishing you the best love <3
this is so incredible, thank you so so much for your beautiful words 😭🫶🥰 I’m so glad you loved it so much, you have no idea how happy I am right now!! seriously I’m at a loss for words, thank you thank you thank you 🖤🖤🖤
brain absolutely emptied part two … i hope you like this one too hehehe 🫶🏻
phone sex with cix !
minors dni, sexual content ahead!
byounggon is gonna be a little confused about why you’re calling him when you know he’s in dance practice, but when he hears your needy whimpers of his name he immediately gets the idea. soft dom byounggon would be immediately activated, excusing himself out of the room and into the nearest private space. he’d love listening to you like this, palming himself over his jeans as you tell him just how much you need him. his voice would be so soft, so sweet as he comforts you, reminding you that he’ll be home soon and that he’ll be able to take care of you then. if you say that you need him now, he’ll stay on the phone with you for as long as he can, telling you just how hard you’ve made him and how much he can’t wait to get home to you.
seunghun would’ve been just about to call you as you called him, smirking when your name pops up on his screen. just by the tone of his voice, you’d be able to tell that you both had the same thing in mind. that wouldn’t stop him from teasing you regardless, mentioning how desperate you must be to call him that late. he’d be so filthy with his words, much different to his usual soft praises and gentle encouragement. he’s not going to be afraid to tell you how much he wishes he could be with you, how much he can’t wait to be inside you again and how his hand is never vas good as yours. his main goal would be to have you a whiny mess for him, loving how his words affect you even when he’s not with you at all. feel like he’d also be very open to doing a video call with you, letting you have a great view of just his much he needs you.
jinyoung would rely on phone sex when he’s away from you, specifically when he’s on tour overseas. i think he’d be one to focus more on the sounds you’re making more than talking, closing his eyes and listening to how strained your moans are as he pretends the hand on his cock is yours instead of his own. he wouldn’t be totally silent though, being more freely louder over the phone than usual. he’d love saying your name in a deep groan, hearing your breath get shakier as he does. the cherry on top for him would be being able to hear just how soaked you are for him, encouraging you to go faster in order to hear it more. it would drive him absolutely wild, making him think back to the last time his face was buried between your thighs, vowing to find himself there again as soon as he gets home to you.
yonghee would definitely prefer video calls over regular ones, unable to stop the way his face lights up when you appear on his screen. i feel like he’d get really into it, absolutely absorbed in the way you moan for him and how amazing you look all spread out on the bed. thinking about how he’d be one of the ones who would direct your actions the most, telling you to just listen to what he says and he’ll take care of you. his gentle directions paired with the incredibly hot sight of him getting off would honestly be a lot to take in. he’d love putting on a show for you, making sure everything looks great on his end in the hopes that it’ll only affect you more. he’d want you absolutely begging for him by the end of it, promising that he’d be home as soon as he possibly could to give you what you need.
hyunsuk would be interesting in the sense that he’d feel more confident talking to you over the phone, taking an even more dominant position than when he’s actually with you. he wouldn’t be afraid to tell you just how he felt, how painfully hard he was and how glad he is that you called him. he’d be so loud too, not even thinking about the possibility of anyone else hearing him, his only focus would be on you. i feel like he’d tease you so much too, making comments about how your hands could never compare to his and how he knows that you can’t take care of yourself the way he can. your whines agreeing with him would too much, his head tipping backwards as his hand moves faster. promising to fuck you just how you like it when he gets home, he’d lose his mind when you ask for his permission to cum, telling you just how proud of you he is afterwards.
Hii!! I loved the first time Hyunsuk story! It was all I could’ve asked for. Thank you!
Am I able to request another?
This time can I request a CIX reaction/Drabble of how CIX would react if their girl best friend had to sit on their lap during a car ride?
Thanks in advance! 🖤
-🐢
hi my lovely 🐢 anon!! I’m so glad you liked the hyunsuk story, it was so fun to write! I’ve actually already written this request, here’s the link! is this along the lines of what you’re wanting?
CIX reactions to you sitting in their lap during a bumpy car ride
if you or anyone have some ideas for other fics you’d like to see, my inbox is always open!! 🖤
warnings: heavy mention of cheating and resulting trauma, fem reader, food consumption, kissing, dirty talk, pet name (darling), very explicit sexual content, unprotected sex, oral sex (m. and f. receiving), penetration (vaginal), some angst but more fluff, some marking, I'm sure there's more but you'll have to read to find out hehe
a/n: drum roll please.......... ta da! at long last, I've written for the namesake of this blog, the actual love of my life xu minghao! I hope y'all enjoy reading this one, it was such a joy to write and I'm excited to be able to share it with you! please like or reblog if you like it and thank you for reading!
synopsis: fake dating the beautiful stranger you met in the men’s room: what could go wrong?
~ DAY ONE ~
When you burst through the men’s bathroom door like a bat out of hell, you weren’t quite sure why you were surprised to find a boy on the other side.
Luckily, he wasn’t doing anything worthy of sprinting back out for. The boy stood at the row of old, slightly rusted sinks, the water running but not actually washing his hands. He had frozen the second the door opened, actually, which you figured was a pretty appropriate reaction.
And he was staring at you. Black hair hung into wide eyes, glasses you suspected he didn’t really need perched on the bridge of his nose.
Your chest heaved as you tried and failed to catch your breath. For all your many talents, running was not one of them. You offered a tired wave. “Sorry,” you panted, “I’ll just be a moment, promise.”
“What… are you doing.”
Phrased like a question, but not quite. You squinted at the boy as the automatic sink finally shut off, plunging the bathroom into silence. He straightened to his full height and shoved his hands into his jacket pockets, appraising you warily. The boy knew how to dress, you’d give him that.
“Is there anyone else in here?” You demanded.
“What?”
“You heard me.”
The boy made a show of looking around, allowing his eyes to slide back to you after concluding the two of you were obviously alone. He shrugged. Not much for words, this one.
You finally managed to catch your breath enough to speak in coherent sentences. “Look, my ex-boyfriend is out there, okay?”
“Is that really a dire enough situation to warrant hiding in the men’s room?”
You scoffed. “Not that it’s any of your business, but his new girlfriend is with him. Who also happens to be my used-to-be-best-friend, okay? I’m not hiding, I’m saving everyone a headache.”
The boy grimaced. “Sounds messy. Well, good luck with that—”
“Do you have a name?” You interrupted. The boy levelled an impatient look at you over his fake glasses. When he said nothing you blurted your own name, at which his lips pressed into a hard line.
After what could have been hours of tense silence, the boy sighed. “Minghao. My friends call me Hao.”
“Nice to meet you, Hao.”
“You can call me Minghao.”
Despite his severe tone and the fact he definitely wasn’t joking, you laughed. You stuck out a hand for him to shake, more than pleased when he raised his own to meet yours halfway. He wore several delicate silver rings on his fingers, his skin slightly damp against yours from the sink. You took some solace in the knowledge he’d been able to finish washing his hands before you barged into the bathroom.
You froze, your hand still clasped in Minghao’s, at the sound of two horribly familiar voices on the other side of the door. The deeper of which was getting suspiciously close.
“Shit.” You moved before you could think better of it. You inadvertently dragged Minghao with you into the closest stall, managing to slam it shut and lock it mere seconds before the bathroom door opened.
“I’ll wait out here, okay?” Chaeyoung’s voice floated in from the hallway, as high and pretty-sounding as ever. Footsteps echoed as your ex-boyfriend crossed the tile floor to the urinals on the opposite wall.
You gritted your teeth, trying with everything in you not to listen to the sound of your ex-boyfriend’s piss. Minghao, looking hopelessly confused, opened his mouth to say something and glared down at you when you immediately covered his lips with your hand.
Don’t even think about it, you shouted with your eyes.
Minghao cocked an eyebrow, something akin to mischief shining in his eyes. Oh, I’m definitely thinking about it now.
To your despair, Minghao cleared his throat. Even through the barrier of your hand the sound echoed, and you scowled at the floor as your ex finished his business and washed his hands. It was good that he did, you thought. You hadn’t been convinced he was a dedicated hand-washer before.
You didn’t release the painful breath in your lungs until the bathroom door clicked shut behind him. Minghao immediately shook off your hand over his mouth and massaged his jaw, gazing down at you with mild dislike.
“I implied you were dramatic before, but I was wrong. That was dramatic.”
You rolled your eyes and unlocked the stall, marching out into open floorspace. Minghao followed, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest.
You ran your hands over your face, now attempting to catch your breath for an entirely different reason than before. That was a close call, too close, and you were certain you’d never be able to live it down if you were caught in the boy’s bathroom with a total stranger.
“I’m sorry, that was out of line.” You glanced up at Minghao for all of one second before your embarrassment got the better of you and you looked down again. “I don’t even know why I dragged you in there with me, you would’ve been fine out here.”
He looked you up and down, allowing the silence to drag on for long enough that your skin prickled with unease. You took the opportunity to appraise him, as well. You’d be damned if you let some random college guy in a bathroom make you feel small.
Minghao’s hair, you realized now, was cut into a tasteful mullet. He wore some variation of streetwear, though you recognized the logos of a luxury brand or two as you examined him. Was he rich or just really into fashion? Maybe both, though you suspected it was more of the latter.
“Your boyfriend is Joshua Hong?”
“Ex-boyfriend,” you corrected sourly. “But yeah. We dated for two years before I caught those two in bed together.”
Minghao didn’t react, which you weren’t sure how to feel about. He didn’t seem to pity you, at least. You were so sick of people pitying you. “I have a proposition for you,” he said neutrally.
“No, I won’t have sex with you.” You answered immediately.
Minghao smiled humorlessly. “If we have sex, darling, I won’t be the one asking for it.” He ignored your scowl and continued calmly, “I think I have an idea that can fix your problem.”
You tried to let it go, you really did, but curiosity swiftly got the better of you. With an aggrieved sigh, you motioned impatiently for him to go on.
“Go out with me.”
“What?”
“You heard me just fine. I don’t mean actually, of course, but no one else needs to know that. There’s nothing to make the ex jealous like dating someone new.” He spoke like it was the most normal thing in the word. Like the prospect of fake-dating someone was completely logical.
Your mouth opened and closed several times, completely unable to form words. “We go to a big university but it’s not that big,” you choked out. “Some people are bound to remember you and I have never spoken before today.”
“So? People form new, spontaneous relationships every day.”
That was true enough. You eyed him warily, trying to find any hints of ulterior motives in his cool exterior. Unfortunately, Minghao didn’t waver an inch. He stared back at you with an expectant smile, obviously anticipating you to agree, and it was around this time that you realized he was intimidatingly handsome.
“Why? What’s in this for you?” You asked.
He waved a dismissive hand between you. “It doesn’t matter. Just know this is a mutually-beneficial agreement. Think about it, you know I’m right.”
You couldn’t decide whether you wanted to kiss him for his great idea or punch him because he’d thought of it before you.
“For how long?” You asked. With every passing second you came closer to folding.
Minghao considered for a moment, staring at a point somewhere over your head. “Six weeks. That’s a month-and-a-half—if Joshua isn’t begging to have you back by then it means he probably won’t.”
Ouch. He was right, you figured. You did want Joshua to beg for you back, but you had absolutely zero intention of actually saying yes to him if he did. His and Chaeyoung’s actions had cut far too deep to heal back to the way it was before. There was a jagged, metaphorical scar that would probably give you grief until the day you died.
Without another word or attempt to convince yourself otherwise, you stuck your hand out in front of you again. Minghao’s eyes fell to it. They widened slightly, your only indication that at least some part of him had doubted that you would say yes.
“You’ve got a deal, Minghao. The arrangement will last six weeks—no more, no less.”
Minghao smiled down at you, the sight only confirming your suspicion that he was very handsome. His long, delicate fingers grasped yours, gentler this time than when you’d shook his hand to introduce yourself.
“Six weeks,” he agreed. “No less.”
You took a deep, steadying breath. What the hell had you just gotten yourself into?
~ DAY EIGHT ~
“Why are you making me go to a football game, again?”
“Because I’m president of the photography club and I have to be there. If we’re dating that means you do, too.”
“But Joshua’s on the football team,” you lamented.
“Even better. Who knows, maybe I’ll get a candid shot of him eating his heart out.”
Despite yourself, you grinned. You figured out more every day that Minghao was genuinely funny when he wanted to be.
It had been a little over a week since the incident in the bathroom. As you’d mentioned in passing, the university you went to was big, but Minghao somehow managed to find you wherever you were.
The day after the restroom debacle, you’d been eating lunch by yourself in a dining hall close to your apartment. It was a struggle not to mope, most days, especially when this dining hall was one you used to frequent with Joshua. Your ex-boyfriend himself had strode into the building right as you took a massive bite of your soggy sandwich, Chaeyoung perched on his arm. It was moments like those that really made you consider arson, but your urge to light things on fire dissipated the moment Minghao plopped into the booth at your side.
He'd offered you a lazy grin and slung his arm over your shoulders before you could protest. Don’t freak out, his eyes told you. The arrangement, remember?
It had taken every ounce of strength in your body to heed his silent warning. Rather than let your surprise show, you’d offered him a wide smile and leaned further into his side. Foolishly you’d planted a sloppy kiss on the edge of his jaw—that was something couples did in public, right?—and immediately flushed with embarrassment.
It worked, though. The one time you dared to look, Joshua kept glancing over at you, mingled confusion and worry lighting his face.
It continued like that for the next week. Minghao made you give him your phone number and text him your class schedule, which he exchanged for his. He showed up to your classes anytime he could, waiting outside in the hall so he could walk you to your next one. He began eating lunch with you in the same dining hall as the first time and put extra effort into his boyfriend façade when Joshua was around.
Outside of that, though, you tended not to speak to one another. He didn’t text, so you didn’t bother to either. He hadn’t yet asked you on a date off-campus, something which simultaneously relieved and disappointed you. You knew you’d have to, eventually, and going to the football game with him seemed like a good way to dip your toe in the water.
Minghao waved his hand in front of your face, forcing you back to the present. “Well? Are you coming with me or not? You can’t deny this is a perfect opportunity for operation jealousy.”
You sighed, but it was mainly for dramatic effect. You both knew you would say yes, especially when things like this were the whole point of your fake relationship, anyway. “Yeah, I’ll come with. Don’t expect me to start making out with you every time they score a touchdown, though.”
The smile Minghao gave you was downright diabolical. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”
-----
For all your protesting, the football game was actually kind of fun. Really fun. On a good day you didn’t know the first thing about football, so you tended to watch games based on vibes alone. Today, your university was leading 4-0 and Joshua was playing poorly, hopelessly distracted by the way you hung off Minghao’s arm on the edge of the field. The vibes were immaculate.
Minghao shifted so he stood behind you, looping his camera strap over your head so you could hold the camera while keeping your back pressed to his front. Your mind hyper-focused on the way his chest brushed your shoulders on every inhale. He was blissfully warm, especially when contrasted with the brisk November air around you.
“I already adjusted the settings for you. All you have to do is point and shoot.”
You lifted the camera so you could squint through the viewfinder. “Point and shoot. Got it.”
Minghao made it look way easier than it really was. He’d taken you to the photo lab a few days ago so you could talk through the details of your arrangement, speaking lowly under red light while his pictures developed. Every photo you took turned out just blurry enough that it was unusable, save for one or two shots of the crowd.
He didn’t seem to mind. At some points he rested his chin on top of your head while the two of you flipped through pictures you’d taken. At others his hands drifted up your forearms to your wrists, his fingertips raising goosebumps across your skin. He was good, you had to give him that. If you weren’t careful, you would start to believe his act.
The crowd went wild at something you didn’t see. You raised the camera like it was a gun, searching wildly for what had caused the ruckus. “What happened? What did I miss?”
Minghao chuckled in your ear. “Joshua just got the ball thirty yards closer to the endzone in one play. It’s impressive.”
You scowled, unconvinced. “Yeah, well I’d like to see him not cheat on one of his girlfriends. That I’d be impressed with.”
Minghao laughed again. You pointedly ignored the swell of warmth in your chest at the sound. He raised the camera until the strap lifted over your head, freeing you once again. You stepped away from him, more for your sanity than anything else, and rolled your tense shoulders.
“How many innings are left?” You asked. He just stared at you, his eyebrows raised so high they disappeared behind his hair. “Close your mouth, you’re going to catch flies.”
Without a word, Minghao raised the camera and snapped a picture of you. You narrowed your eyes, confused. He tugged on the end of one of your braids. “There aren’t innings in football, darling. You’re thinking of baseball.”
Embarrassment flooded your cheeks. “Damn. I promise I’m not stupid, I’m just not much of a sports girl. Not these types of sports, anyway.”
Minghao nodded knowingly. “At least you’re pretty.” Did he really mean it or was he just teasing you? Usually that phrase was meant to be mean-spirited, but you could never really tell with him. “What sports are you referring to?”
“Hockey, mainly. But competitive swimming was always my favorite sport in the summer Olympics, so.”
He gave you a strange look like he was trying to hold in a laugh. “Weirdly enough, that makes sense for you.”
“Yeah, well.” You gestured to the field in front of you, scanning the players for the dreaded #05. You found Joshua just in time to watch him blow a kiss to Chaeyoung on the other side of the field, her cheerleading outfit glittering under the stadium lights. You exhaled heavily through your nose. They were perfect together. Straight out of some college romcom—you never stood a chance.
Minghao noticed what had drawn your attention. He took another photo of you staring across the field and approached to stand at your side again. “Her hair looks hideous.”
“No it doesn’t.”
He tugged on one of your braids again. “No. It doesn’t,” he conceded. “I’m trying to help you feel better.”
You appreciated it, you really did. Appreciated him. This past week had been the best you’d had since Joshua cheated on you, something you didn’t realize until this moment. For several seconds, you just stared at him. Minghao stared back, his expression unreadable. He’d lost the fake glasses—blue light glasses, he’d corrected—for the game tonight, his eyes a warm brown without them.
Before you could respond, the crowd erupted into screams. You whipped around to face the field, your eyes straining to find what was happening in the cacophony of male bodies.
There. Joshua had the ball. And he was running—sprinting for the endzone twenty yards away. Despite yourself, despite your anger and hurt with him, your heart squeezed painfully. Your blood sang, urging him to run faster. You might have yelled it, doing some sort of awkward side-trot along the field with him. Minghao did the same, obviously as invested in the score as you were. He kept his camera raised as he did, continuously snapping pictures of the action.
Several members of the other team closed in on him, but Joshua only pushed himself faster. He narrowly dodged the two men that attempted to tackle him and, in a display of athleticism that stunned you, dove across the line into the endzone.
The noise that followed was deafening. You jumped and screamed along with the crowd, just for a moment forgetting about everything weighing on your mind. Minghao’s long arms encircled your waist and he lifted you off the ground so he could spin in a wide circle with you. You laughed so hard your cheeks hurt, joy bubbling in your chest.
The crowd was still shouting when Minghao finally set you back on your feet. You kept your arms around his shoulders. He made no move to release your waist, either, grinning down at you the same way you beamed up at him.
Later, you would blame it on the heat of the moment. The stadium’s screams, the fact Joshua had just scored what would likely be the winning touchdown, the blinding lights—yes, it had to be that. Regardless, you looked into the stars in Minghao’s eyes and pressed your lips to his without thinking.
The kiss was barely more than a second. You shocked yourself so thoroughly that you pulled away immediately, you and Minghao staring at one another with equal expressions of surprise. But without warning, he crushed his lips to yours again. They were softer than you’d imagined as they slid against yours, Minghao exploring your mouth with languid curiosity.
Your heart felt like it would pound out of your chest. You allowed your hands to timidly drift from his shoulders to the back of his neck, then gently tangle in the roots of his hair. Despite the riot of noise all around you, Joshua being carried on the shoulders of his teammates in celebration, all you could focus on was the feeling of kissing Minghao.
He pulled away after what could have been seconds or hours, his breathing erratic. He stared down at you for a moment and took a step back, releasing you once more. You swayed on your feet a bit after his sudden retreat out of your personal space.
“I just had to check,” he said through a heavy exhale.
“Check what?”
Minghao shook his head as if to clear it. “Nothing.”
You turned your attention back to the game and ignored the shaking in your hands. What the hell just happened?
~ DAY TWENTY-TWO ~
“I think we need to have rules,” you said around a bite of your sandwich.
Minghao raised an eyebrow. “Rules? Why?” He continued poking at his pasta, cutting individual noodles into perfect, tiny squares.
You cleared your throat, aware of the self-conscious heat creeping up your neck. “At the game you, uh, kissed me. Well, I kissed you, but then you kissed me—whatever.” Minghao looked down at his food instead of you, but he didn’t seem uncomfortable. “I know it was just the excitement of the game, I don’t want you to think I expect anything out of you now.”
“I think it’s a little late to establish rules,” he said, finally taking a bite of his strangely diced pasta. “We’re already halfway through the arrangement.”
Your mouth fell open. “We are?” You did the mental math, the surprise shocking you into silence for several seconds. It felt like a week had passed, not a little over three. You had spent almost every day with Minghao, even if it was just for a few minutes between classes on campus. Other days you did things like this, going out for dinner and sometimes studying afterwards, sometimes not. You tried not to dwell on the fact you and Minghao had begun hanging out even when you knew Joshua wouldn’t be around.
Minghao smiled knowingly at you. There was a familiar look in his eyes nowadays, one that was somewhere between affection and thinking you’re a dumbass. “Cat got your tongue?”
You stuck said tongue out at him. “Well, my point still stands. I don’t want you to think I’m trying to trap you or anything just because we kissed once.”
“I don’t think that.”
Great, super helpful. “Hao. Help me out here.”
His smile dropped, his expression turning contemplative. “Fine. How about… no more kissing? At least, not unless you ask.” He wiggled his eyebrows and you frowned.
“That won’t happen. I think we should just tack no sex on there too, while we’re at it.” At your words, Minghao’s face changed to mirror your frown.
“Fine. No sex.” He considered for another moment. “Is the point of this arrangement for you to get back together with Josh?”
“Nope.” You popped the ‘p’ sound for emphasis. In a way, the conviction with which you said it surprised you. Until now, you weren’t exactly sure how you felt about the end-goal of your fake relationship. If not to win Joshua back, what was the point? “He chose Chaeyoung, end of story. I think I’m more interested in giving him hell by being happier without him.” You smiled mischievously and Minghao snorted.
“As you should. Fine, then next rule: either of us can end the relationship at any time. If one of us decides we’re done then that’s it, no questions asked.”
For reasons you didn’t understand, your heart swooped into your stomach. You forced a swallow. “Okay.” After a beat of hesitation you plastered a teasing smile onto your face. “You’re not trying to fake-break up with me, are you?”
Thankfully, Minghao laughed. “No, darling.” He smiled when you scowled. “I enjoy the look on your face when I call you ‘darling’ far too much for that.”
“Fine, fine.” You took another bite of your sandwich, chewing slowly.
“Is that all?” Minghao asked.
“One more.” You held up a finger while you finished the sandwich in your mouth and tried not to choke. Anxiety gnawed at the edges of your mind. You weren’t quite sure how he would react to your last rule. “No falling in love. It would just complicate things unnecessarily. Even though you’ve told me that there’s no one else, I don’t believe you.”
“Why?”
“You have that look. I don’t know, I can just tell. You’re in love with someone but you won’t tell me who she is.”
Minghao stared at you, completely silent. His expression had gone back to the unreadable mask he’d frequently worn at the beginning of this whole thing. You hated it.
“Well?” You pushed.
Like someone had pressed play on a remote, Minghao resumed cutting and eating his pasta. “There’s no one else, but okay. I agree.”
You leaned forward. “Are you sure about that?”
He looked up at you through his eyelashes, his expression resolute. “What do you want me to say? There isn’t. I’ve gotten used to you these past few weeks. I’m having fun and I don’t care to have it with anyone else at the moment.”
You leaned back in your chair and crossed your arms over your chest, evaluating him through narrowed eyes. He looked casual enough—he didn’t have to force the words out and there were no physical indications that he was lying. Minghao, apparently sensing your energy, set down his fork and mimicked your stance.
“Do you want me to break it off with you?” He asked neutrally.
“What? Of course not.”
“It seems like you do.”
You weren’t sure what to say to that. You didn’t, not at all. In fact, you were far enough into this… thing with him that you worried how you’d react after this arrangement was over. Would you replace being heartbroken over Joshua with being heartbroken over Hao?
When you said nothing, Minghao continued, “The same goes for you, you know. If someone you like tries to pursue you I’ll step aside. Even if it’s Joshua.” His face turned abruptly nervous and he swallowed. “However, I want to talk to you about something—”
“Did you say my name?”
Every ounce of curiosity at what he’d been about to say turned to ash at the voice that interrupted him.
You didn’t want to turn around. You didn’t need the confirmation that it was Joshua standing behind you, anyway. Minghao’s eyes raised to your ex-boyfriend’s face, his expression holding poorly-concealed dislike. He gave him a saccharine smile that you didn’t believe for a second.
“Joshua. What brings you here?”
He was standing far too close to your chair. Even though you still wouldn’t turn to look at him you could feel his presence behind you like a looming shadow.
“I’m meeting Chaeyoung for dinner. It’s our six-month anniversary today.”
Six months. You thought you might vomit. You knew Joshua had cheated on you, obviously, but according to this timeline he had gotten with Chaeyoung over four months before you caught them.
Minghao’s eyes flicked to you, fast enough that you could’ve imagined the worry in them. “Is that so?”
“You two are dating, then?” Joshua completely ignored Minghao’s pointed question. You knew he was addressing you without having to see his face.
You cleared your throat as a way to buy yourself time to breathe. “Yeah, we are. A little over a month now.” You were too afraid to exaggerate yours and Minghao’s relationship timeline any more than that. Joshua was known to poke holes in anything until it broke, especially when it was you.
At last, you turned to look at him. Joshua was smiling down at you, an expression that didn’t reach his eyes. Months of heartbreak surged to the surface and you pressed your lips into a hard line to keep your face from betraying your emotions.
“I didn’t know you two knew each other, Hao.”
Hao? Since when did Joshua know Minghao? Let alone well enough to call him Hao. You threw a carefully blank glance in Minghao’s direction, one he was smart enough to look nervous at.
“We met at school.”
Joshua stared at him like he expected him to continue, then looked slightly uncomfortable when he remained silent. You tried to squash your pleasure at this. It seemed Joshua didn’t know Minghao well enough to be used to the fact he was a man of few words.
“Did you need something, Josh?” You asked, your voice strained. You lied as convincingly as you could, “Neither of us said your name.”
He looked back down at you. “Oh. No, then. Just stopping by to say hi, I guess. I wish you two the best of luck with… this.”
Joshua hesitated before walking away, following a host to a booth in the corner of the restaurant.
Your eyes bore holes in the plate in front of you. You wrung your hands beneath the table, attempting to slow your racing heart. A cacophony of emotions stampeded through your mind, moving too quickly to focus on any of them individually.
This plan was stupid. You were three weeks into your fake relationship with Minghao and what did you have to show for it? Anxiety that Joshua somehow knew you were lying? Even though you’d begun to feel better in your new friend’s presence, you couldn’t bring yourself to look at him as he repeated your name to get your attention.
“Are you okay?”
You didn’t speak until you mastered the stinging in your eyes. “I’m fine.”
“Liar.”
“Don’t push me, Hao.” You raised your eyes to his face, aware of the redness in them without having to see yourself. Minghao’s face was hard with concern and he held eye contact until you broke and looked away. “You’re on a first-name basis with him?”
He was silent for a long moment, considering his words. “Yes. We used to be close.”
You released a controlled exhale, continuing to hide your shaking hands under the table. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It wouldn’t have helped.”
“I had a right to know.”
“Yes, you did. Hey—” Minghao reached across the table so he could lift your chin with his fingertips, forcing you to look at him “—I wasn’t trying to hurt you by not telling you. You know that, right?”
You didn’t answer. You leaned back in your seat so that his hand was no longer touching your face. Seemingly disappointed, he withdrew it and folded his hands together on the table in front of him.
“When we met, you said this arrangement would be mutually beneficial.” Your throat was thick enough that you had trouble asking the question nagging at you. “Is it because of Joshua?”
Minghao’s answer was immediate. “No. I want nothing from him.”
You wanted to slap yourself at the involuntary relief that surged through you. You took several calming breaths, all too aware that Chaeyoung had just arrived for her date with Joshua. As much as you didn’t want to look, you watched through your periphery as they embraced and took their seats.
“I need to go home.”
Minghao seemed like he wanted to protest. He opened and closed his mouth but produced no sound. At last, he nodded tightly. This time, you weren’t sure if it was relief or extreme disappointment that bloomed in your chest.
When you stood, you held your head high. You threw some cash on the table for your meal, which Minghao deeply frowned at. Wordlessly, you squared your shoulders and walked away, aware of Minghao’s eyes following you until you disappeared onto the street outside.
It wasn’t until you were safely in your car that you finally allowed yourself to cry.
~ DAY THIRTY ~
Minghao decided, with very little planning, to take you on an I’m-sorry-I-hurt-your-feelings-and-you-cried-over-Joshua date. Or something like that. He settled on taking you to a hockey game.
He knew little to nothing about hockey, but you didn’t mind. The two of you had made up about the confrontation with Joshua last week. Or rather, you had finally decided to stop being angry with him. You had wasted a precious four days locked in your apartment, ignoring his texts and calls while you tried to sort out your feelings. So what if he and Joshua had been friends before? You had no more ownership over him than he did of you.
Strangely, your time apart hadn’t helped. If anything, it only made your yearning for him worse. You kept having the urge to talk to your best friend about him—to scream and cry until it dissolved into healing giggles and easy conversation. Only, Minghao was your best friend nowadays. After losing both Joshua and Chaeyoung in one fell swoop, the man beside you now was basically your only friend. Your person.
So, you allowed him to take you to the hockey game. You shared stale popcorn and egregiously large soft drinks, appropriately cheering and booing where necessary. You explained the rules of hockey as best you knew how, though the old woman eavesdropping behind you corrected you on multiple occasions. You had fun. A stupid, concerning amount of fun.
Halfway through you glanced over at him and realized that you loved him. It was sudden enough to steal the breath from your lungs. You didn’t allow yourself to commit to the idea of being in love with him, but your denial could only go so far. You loved him all the same.
He caught you staring and gifted you a brilliant smile. Minghao had somehow managed to become your best friend and sort-of-lover in the span of a month, and you suddenly couldn’t imagine your life without him.
You had no idea if he felt the same, but you decided then that you didn’t want to find out. Even if he did, Joshua had ruined you for anyone else. You weren’t in love with him anymore, not by any means, but you suddenly couldn’t trust anyone who dared try to be a romantic partner. Even Minghao.
On your way out of the game, he pressed a gentle kiss to the top of your head, his arm slung comfortably over your shoulder. It was around this time, while Minghao gazed down at you with genuine affection in his eyes, that you realized what deep shit you were in.
~ DAY THIRTY-FOUR ~
“If I see you take one more picture of me I’m going to throw your camera in the river.”
Minghao didn’t laugh at your threat. Instead, you heard another conspicuous click as he took the hundredth photo of your side-profile. You didn’t look at him, still shielding the sun from your eyes and reclining lazily on the sloped grass. It was freezing outside, to say the least, but it was the first day in a week the sun had made an appearance.
The two of you laid out on a grassy hill along the river, bundled in three layers each and soaking up what little December sun you could. Minghao, in his usual fashion, had brought his camera and spent the past hour taking pictures of you.
“If you do that who’s going to know you died of hypothermia out here?”
You scowled in his direction without opening your eyes. “Oh, I’m not worried about that. I’m sure you’ll shout it from the rooftops.”
Minghao sighed. You half-listened to the sounds of him laying back on the grass beside you, your bodies barely touching from shoulder to knee. Goosebumps erupted on your skin everywhere you touched, even through your combined layers of clothing. You mentally reprimanded yourself for the involuntary reaction.
There was one week left in the arrangement. One single week before your fake break-up. You hadn’t brought up your relationship’s impending doom. Neither had he. As if he sensed the direction your thoughts had taken, Minghao’s long fingers sought yours on the grass. He tangled your hands but made no move to touch you further. You couldn’t decide whether to be relieved or aggravated.
“What are we doing?” Minghao’s quiet words surprised you. Not only because he’d broken the careful silence he so revered, but because it was the question you’d been wishing he’d ask for weeks. In truth, you hadn’t expected him to.
“We’re cloud watching.”
“Darling.” You flinched at that one word, so softly spoken. A plea, a warning, an affectionate reprimand—you would never understand how Minghao was able to convey so much with so little.
“I hate that you call me that.” Minghao’s head turned to face you, a look you didn’t return. If you looked at him now, your resolve would surely crack. You forced yourself to stay strong—you only had one week left. One week, then you could get out of this with your heart unscathed.
“Sometimes I think I don’t like you very much.”
The hurt was immediate. You finally turned your head to look at him, every thought rushing from your brain at the way his eyes burned into you. Your hurt rolled off you in subtle waves, despite your fierce attempt to hide it.
“Why?” You whispered.
“Because you make me wonder.”
That gave you pause. In all honesty, you had no idea what he meant. You voiced your confusion aloud, albeit softly, like you were trying very hard not to scare him away. Minghao still hadn’t released your hand, his skin warm and dry against yours. Despite the brisk winter air, the few small places your bodies touched warmed you enough not to notice.
“You make me wonder.” He repeated himself and shrugged, like it was the simplest explanation in the world. “I’ve never been one to believe in things like fate or destiny or whatever else the romantics tell us to dream for. I was very peaceful before all this, you know. I had my camera and a regular schedule and the few friends who stuck around after we graduated high school. Every day was simple, but I’ve always preferred it that way. Then you crashed into the men’s bathroom like a bat out of hell and… now I wonder.”
The breath had long since been stolen from your chest. “What do you wonder about?”
A ghost of a smile flickered on his face, its beauty there and gone in an instant. “I wonder about fate and destiny and the things romantics tell me to dream for. I always thought it was disappointing to watch the people around me fall in love. A waste of potential, or something like that. People become so wrapped up in those they love that it leaves little time for everything else.
“Yet here we are. The majority of the pictures on my camera are of you. When Joshua made you cry at dinner I thought I was going to tear his throat out with my teeth, and I am not a violent person. I could see so clearly, for the first time, what type of person he made you when you were together. Small and helpless and sad—nothing like the fierce girl that came into my life like a fucking hurricane and stole my peace right out from under me.”
Your chest was painfully tight now. “Hao, stop.”
He didn’t. “I value sleep more than most things in my life and I haven’t been able to get more than four hours a night since we kissed at the football game. When I got frustrated looking at all the photos of you on my camera I switched to painting, only to find I had painted your eyes without even meaning to.” Minghao sat up jerkily without releasing your hand. His eyes earnestly searched yours with an intensity that made you want to shrink under his gaze. You forced yourself to remain still, returning his stare without flinching. “You are… incandescent. Breathtakingly beautiful. I can’t breathe when I’m with you and I’m half-mad when we’re apart. Don’t you see? I can’t win.”
“Hao…” Your warning trailed off, his rapid breaths the only thing to fill the silence. Even the chatter of passerby and the drone of the city fell away, leaving you in a cocoon of quiet.
His hand released yours so that he could hold your face, his thumbs tracing gentle circles across your cheeks. Fire bloomed beneath your skin, flaring everywhere he made contact. Your hands raised to cover his, neither of you moving as you stared deeply into one another’s eyes. You were certain you looked crazy to anyone walking by.
For one tiny, insignificant moment, you allowed yourself to hope. It unfurled in your chest and beat alongside your heart. The possibility that this beautiful man could truly want you the way you wanted him rendered you speechless.
Minghao’s thumb traced your bottom lip and he groaned softly at the heated breath you released. “I have fallen so deeply, irreversibly in love with you that I don’t think my heart will ever truly belong to me again.” His words shocked you to your very core.
He leaned forward, watching your expression through hooded eyes. His warm breath mingled with yours and your entire body locked at his proximity. He was going to kiss you. Again. Only this time there was no crowd, no Joshua watching from the football field, no adrenaline to spur you on. If you kissed him now, there was nothing to blame it on.
Minghao’s lips brushed yours. You’d forgotten how soft they were—the way his breath made goosebumps skitter like beetles across your spine. His fingers were so long that they disappeared in your hairline, tangling in your roots like he never meant to let you go. He parted his lips to deepen the kiss and you felt his tongue ghost across your bottom lip.
You jerked away. You scrambled to your feet faster than he could react, your chest heaving. Minghao stared up at you, dazed, his breathing irregular for an entirely different reason than yours.
“What are you doing?” There was venom in your voice. More than you had intended, judging by the way he flinched back. When he said nothing, you bit out, “Are you trying to hurt me?”
Minghao’s eyes widened. “What? No—”
“Just stop, Hao.” The angry beast in your chest settled, retreating into its slumber as fast as it had awoken. Your shoulders sagged and you looked at your feet. You were abruptly exhausted, sadness nipping at your cheeks as surely as the winter around you. “You don’t mean it. I know you think you do—” you rushed when he opened his mouth to interrupt you “—but you don’t.”
“How could you possibly know that?” he huffed indignantly.
“This whole arrangement is based on a lie. We’ve been pretending to be in love for five weeks, it’s bound to have affected one of us after a while.”
“One of us?” Minghao surged to his feet, suddenly crowding your space. His hands took hold of your face again and he earnestly searched your eyes. You kept your expression blank, worried that if you showed any sort of emotion then you’d crack. “One of us? Tell me you don’t feel it too. Look me in the eye right now and tell me you aren’t in love with me.”
And there it was. The point of no return. You knew you’d have to lie, but would he believe you? It was the only way to spare him—spare either of you—from any further heartbreak because of your baggage. You couldn’t stand to see him hurt, to be the one that hurt him, but you had no other choice.
So, you once again placed your hands over his on your cheeks and took a deep breath. “I’m not in love with you, Hao. I never have been.”
For several moments, it appeared as if he hadn’t heard you. Minghao froze until, all at once, your words crashed into him and he stumbled back as if he’d been burned.
“You’re lying,” he breathed.
You squared your shoulders, still keeping your mask in that unkind, emotionless mask. “I’m not. I’m so sorry I led you on, I swear I never meant to. But we had rules, Hao. We made rules to prevent anything like this happening and you went and broke them anyway.”
You were being cruel, you knew you were. It was the only way. That’s what you kept telling yourself, over and over, as the affection in Minghao’s eyes turned to hurt, then to ice.
“Why are you saying this? Did something happen with Joshua?”
You attempted to laugh but it sounded strangled to your own ears. “No, nothing happened with Joshua. I want nothing to do with him. If we were to do this, it would only hurt worse down the line. I just… I wish you hadn’t said anything.”
Minghao backed up a step, then another, each of his footfalls a resounding crack in your heart. “Forget I did. You know what? Forget all of this.” He turned to walk away but stopped immediately and looked at you over his shoulder. “I don’t know you. I don’t know what happened, but if you’d rather be alone then fine.”
“It’s better that way.”
Minghao’s eyes shuttered. He turned and began striding up the hill as fast as his legs could carry him. He didn’t turn to look at you again, and never once did you look away.
~ DAY FORTY ~
“You’re a fucking idiot.”
You jumped hard enough that you dropped your noodles in midair. They plunked back into your bowl and nearly splashed Joshua’s expensive leather jacket as he slid into the booth next to you. Your eyes raised slowly to look at him, taking in the look of vague distaste he gave you. “And you look like shit.”
You smiled sourly. “Gee, thanks.” It wasn’t anything you didn’t already know. In the past six days, you had barely eaten or slept, and you’d taken your first post-breakup shower only yesterday. Breakup, if you could even call it that. It sure felt like one.
“I heard you broke up with Minghao.”
You cringed. At this point, who hadn’t heard? It seemed like everywhere you turned, someone was whispering or staring at you. “That’s none of your business.” You tried to nonchalantly take another bite of your ramen but it might as well have tasted like tar.
“Fair enough, but who else is going to talk to you about it?”
Unfortunately true. “Why do you care, Josh?”
His eyes softened, just barely. “Because I still care about you.” You threw him a skeptical glare. “And because you’re infecting the entire campus with your heartbreak. It’s making everyone uncomfortable.”
“Everyone meaning you?” The timid smile on your face faded. You stabbed at your food, your appetite long gone. Before you could think better of it, you blurted, “It wasn’t real.”
Joshua’s brows furrowed. “What wasn’t real?”
“Any of it. Minghao and I never dated. It was… stupid, now that I think about it, but this all started because I barged into the boy’s bathroom trying to avoid you and Chaeyoung.”
Your chest felt inexplicably lighter after your confession. You thought that you’d be humiliated if Joshua ever found out, but you realized now you didn’t care. You’d gotten a best friend out of it, even if you’d gone and fucked it up five weeks in.
Joshua stared at you beneath lowered brows, his arms crossed over his chest. Your eyes flicked nervously between his face and the dining hall around him. “Why aren’t you saying anything? Don’t feel like embarrassing me today?”
“I don’t believe you.”
You scoffed. “What?”
“I don’t believe you.” Joshua shrugged. He leaned forward and stole your chopsticks out of your hand, then proceeded to brazenly take a bite of your ramen.
You stared at him, speechless for several seconds too long. “I… don’t know what to say to that. Am I supposed to convince you that I rashly entered a fake relationship to both make you jealous and angry?”
“Maybe it started out that way, but you’re definitely in love with him now. You weren’t this heartbroken after we broke up, I can tell you that much.” Joshua hit his chest with a fist and returned your utensils, a grimace on his face. “This is so spicy, what’s wrong with you?”
You didn’t reply. You just looked at him, your mind racing. You muttered at last, “It doesn’t matter if I’m in love with him. Hell, it doesn’t even matter if he’s in love with me. He doesn’t want me. He doesn’t want all the baggage I have to bring into a real relationship.”
“What baggage?” He shot back. You stared at him incredulously, waiting for him to get it. Recognition flared in Joshua’s eyes and he smiled apologetically. “Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“Have you asked him if he cares about your baggage?”
You frowned. “Well, no. But who would?”
“I think you’re forgetting that he already knows about your baggage. At least the me part of it. If what you’re telling me is true—which is crazy, by the way—then he literally got involved with you on the basis of your emotional issues.”
That was a good point, actually. You took another bite of your noodles, attempting to shake off the misplaced hope Joshua had instilled in you. “It doesn’t matter. I broke it off when he confessed. I was kind of a bitch to him, actually, so I’m not sure he ever wants to see me again.”
“I wouldn’t hold your breath on that. He looks just as bad as you do, you know. Whatever you said to him, it worked, but I know Minghao. At least, I used to. To this day I haven’t met anyone even close to the man he is. He’ll forgive you if you’re honest.” Joshua stood and stretched his shoulders, his neck still flushed from eating your food. You stared up at him, more than a little dumbfounded. “Look, there’s an exhibition for the school of photography on Friday. Student admission is included in the cost of tuition.”
You knew what he was trying to tell you. Minghao would be there, no doubt about it. If you wanted to mend things with him, it was your best opportunity to talk to him somewhere he couldn’t shut a door in your face.
He had just turned to walk away when you spoke. “Why do you even care, Joshua?”
He stopped. When he looked at you again, there was genuine regret in his eyes. “I owe you. A lot more than this, considering what I did. Consider this my first act of earning forgiveness.”
“It was Chaeyoung’s idea, wasn’t it?”
He smiled wryly. “She misses you. Even if you never speak to her again, she wants you to be happy.”
Joshua said nothing else before he walked back into the throng of students in the dining hall. You remained frozen for a long time, your ramen now ice-cold and your thoughts running circles around you.
Fear had made you break it off with Minghao at the moment he told you everything you’d been dying to hear. He’d confessed and you’d thrown it in his face, believing yourself too broken to be with someone like him. He was the sun, you were a violent storm. Where he was peace personified, you often felt closer to screaming until the heavens fell. It shouldn’t work between you, but it did.
You loved him. That much was simple. It wasn’t until this very moment that you truly considered he might love you too. He had basically said as much, but it was now, six days late, that you believed him. If Minghao felt even half as miserable as you did now, you would spend the rest of your life trying to get over the guilt of hurting him.
You groaned and let your head fall into your hands. You had royally fucked up.
~ DAY FORTY-TWO ~
It seemed kismet that the exhibition—a.k.a. your excuse to beg for Minghao’s forgiveness—took place on what should have been the last day of the arrangement. You hadn’t even been sure you would show up until you arrived at the gallery.
I’m not gonna go, you’d said to yourself while curling your hair. You’d struggled to choose between two outfits, both of which Minghao had bought for you towards the beginning of this whole thing. Sooo not going. You’d decided to put on a little bit of makeup at the last minute. I’m just gonna order takeout again.
Now, you stood in front of the glass gallery doors, your heart in your throat and fear creeping in at the edges of your vision. It would be so much easier to walk away. He hadn’t seen you yet, it wasn’t too late to back out.
Your feet carried you forward without your permission. Each step was more confident than you really felt. Even if he wouldn’t give you another chance, which you wouldn’t blame him for, you were possessed by the need to tell him he’d been right. You did love him, and you were a fool, and your inability to love maturely was not his fault.
The gallery was beautiful, architecturally speaking. Everything inside the white stone building was pale, glossy wood, accented with stainless steel and glass. A large crystal chandelier dominated most of the lobby space, looking more like dripping ice as it hung over the crowd below. Every wall, even disappearing into the corridors branching off from the lobby, were covered by student work.
Low voices formed a steady hum around you, most people enraptured by the photos on the walls. You found yourself among them. Some of these photographs were incredible. It was obvious to you that your peers had poured their entire souls into their work, and some of these images were somehow better quality than your actual vision. For the first time, you understood what drew Minghao to photography as an art form.
You walked slowly along the wall, stopping briefly to admire each piece. For reasons you couldn’t fathom, a photo of a wilting flower nearly brought you to tears. You weren’t sure if it was really the art itself or if you were just feeling fragile. Possibly both. You continued on aimlessly, almost forgetting why you were here in the first place. You had no idea where Minghao was in all this, but you were bound to find him eventually.
You stopped when you reached the end of one of the hallways, this entire section seemingly occupied by one photographer’s unique style. Most of the pictures were in black and white, a select few of them rendered in shocking color. It was one of the color photographs that drew your attention.
Recognition teased the back of your mind as you approached. It depicted a dripping sink in a public restroom, the entire space covered in grime except the vibrant blue flower sitting on the counter. You had no idea why this scene seemed familiar to you—you certainly hadn’t been in this bathroom before.
You moved on to the next color photograph, but you didn’t really see it. Your entire body seized without reason, suddenly aware of a subtle change in the air.
You felt his presence without having to look. Despite your anxiety at baring your soul to him, you felt inexplicably lighter knowing he was here. Minghao walked up to stand beside you, mirroring your stance with his arms crossed over his chest. You gazed at the picture in front of you together in silence. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t focus your eyes on the art.
“Why are you here?”
His voice almost brought you to tears. I love you. “I came to see you.”
“Why?”
I love you, I love you, I love you. “To apologize.”
Minghao looked over at you. His eyes took you in, heat flooding your skin everywhere his gaze touched. “For what? Breaking up with me before we had a chance to date or crashing my senior photo exhibition?”
You recoiled. “Both, I guess.” You forced yourself to turn so you could look at him. It was a mistake. Minghao looked amazing. His skin was flushed with lively color, wonderfully offsetting the deep black of his hair. He’d foregone the blue-light glasses today, meaning there was nothing to protect you from the weight of his gaze. You realized with no small amount of certainty that you would do anything for Minghao to wear a suit forever. You opened your mouth and closed it several times, unsure of what to say now that he was in front of you. I love you, Hao. You were right. “Are these your pictures?”
“Yes.”
“They’re lovely.” You meant it. Minghao had a mastery over color that you would never be able to fully appreciate.
He looked back at the photograph hanging in front of you, a pensive look on his face. There was a strange, subtle humor there, too, though you had no idea why. “Thank you. It took a lot of sleepless nights, but I’m glad I didn’t give up on them.”
Guilt nagged at your thoughts. He hadn’t given up, but you certainly had. “I’m sorry I gave up,” you voiced aloud. “You didn’t deserve the way I treated you.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“I was afraid. I know that’s no excuse, but it’s true.” You took a deep breath and lifted your chin, staring at Minghao’s side profile as he looked at his photo. “Joshua fucked me up, Hao. I’ve been so terrified to open up again, to anyone, and I ran away the second you tried to give me what I’d been hoping for.”
“I’m not him.”
“I know. I know that now. I’m sorry I didn’t trust you. I’m sorry I tried to lie so that you would leave first. It was wrong, and I promise I’m trying. Because I—” you choked. I love you. You cleared your throat and tried again. “I love you.”
He was silent for a long time, long enough that you wondered if he would turn and walk away without a word.
“You love me?” He said at last. He spoke the words slowly, like he was tasting them, testing the weight of them on his tongue.
You shuddered. “Yes.”
Minghao took a deep breath and nodded once to himself. “You haven’t really looked at my work at all, have you?”
It was, without a doubt, the last thing you’d expected him to say. “What?”
He gestured vaguely at the piece in front of you, your eyes following the movement. You processed the couch first, then the fact that there was a body beneath a blanket on top of it. Hair fanned across a pillow, the girl’s face obstructed from view by a glare of sunlight. But one of her arms was extended, reaching limply towards whoever was behind the camera as she held up the blanket covering her. Beckoning them closer, asking them to join her.
Realization broke over you with the force of a tsunami. That was your living room. It was you on the couch, two weeks ago, sleeping the day away while Minghao watched TV from your secondary loveseat. At least, you’d thought he’d been watching TV. You remembered being cold and having trouble falling asleep, enough that you’d sleepily asked Minghao to join you. He’d pretended to be annoyed as he clicked off the television and slid onto the couch beside you, easily gathering you into his arms like you were made to be there. It was the best sleep you’d gotten since before your breakup with Joshua.
Apparently, he’d taken a picture of you before granting your tired request. The photograph, blown up to massive size and framed, was titled To Love Easily.
“Oh my god.” You covered your mouth with a shaking hand, your eyes darting to take in Minghao’s other displayed photographs. The bathroom. The bathroom, depicted more symbolically than it appeared in real life. Another of your hands, covered in flour from when the two of you attempted to make homemade pasta. A shot of Minghao’s fingers in your hair, a tiny blue flower petal tucked between the strands. You remembered it. He’d braided your hair for you before went to the hockey game because you were sick of it touching your neck.
All of these photos, in one way or another, were about you. The story of you, told through Minghao’s eyes. Suddenly, with blinding clarity, you saw yourself the way he did. Yes, you were a raging storm, but one seen through the window of a warm, dry home. If you decided to scream until the heavens fell, Minghao would be there to catch them.
“You love me.” You repeated his earlier question back at him, but it was no real question. Minghao loved you.
“Yes, darling, I love you.” A strangled sob broke from your chest, instantly embarrassing you. Minghao’s fingers gently took hold of your elbow and turned you to face him. “I tried to tell you, but you wouldn’t listen. I already knew why you lashed out the way you did—expected it, even. You were just a little meaner than I expected, that’s all.”
You laughed despite yourself. One side of his lips kicked up in a small smile. His hand gently squeezed the back of your neck and he pressed a chaste kiss to your forehead.
“How do you not hate me?” You murmured.
“I can’t hate you for making a mistake. I knew you would come around. I mean, have you seen me?”
You halfheartedly punched his arm as he snickered. Before you could process that he moved at all, Minghao’s mouth was on yours. The kiss was gentle. Exploratory. It was what the last kiss should have been before you ripped yourself away.
His tongue gently probed yours, one small lick across your bottom lip turning your limbs to jelly. Minghao increased the pressure, his hand drifting from your neck to between your shoulder blades, then to your waist. He gently squeezed your soft skin and, completely on accident, you released a tiny moan that only he could hear.
You broke apart immediately. You stared at one another wide-eyed, embarrassment setting your cheeks aflame. Slowly, a sly smile took over Minghao’s face. Oh god. You’d seen that look many times before.
He leaned in so his mouth was pressed against the shell of your ear. He exhaled softly, drawing a small, contented sigh from you. Minghao squeezed your waist again.
“The exhibition is over in twenty minutes. Think you can wait?”
-----
You didn’t even make it through your front door before Minghao had you off your feet. You squealed as he lifted you into his arms, your legs instinctively wrapping around his trim hips. He pressed you against the wall of your entryway, his hands braced on either side of your waist.
He nuzzled the juncture between your neck and shoulder, his lips dragging soft lines along your skin. Your sleeve had fallen down past your shoulder, baring your collarbone to the mercy of his mouth. You groaned at each small love bite he left, his mouth so gentle that you hardly felt the sting.
“I have waited—” he began, and you groaned when he sucked particularly hard on the side of your throat “—so long for this.”
You shared the sentiment. You’d developed feelings for Minghao fairly quickly into the arrangement and your brain had been plagued by imagining this exact scenario since. “Kiss me, then,” you said breathlessly.
He needed no further encouragement. Minghao’s lips eagerly found yours, this kiss nothing like its predecessors. He kissed you urgently, hungrily, like he might very well die if he stopped. You flattened your hips against his, a choked sound of pleasure escaping both of you when you ground against his erection. You hadn’t expected him to be hard already, but you figured he probably had been since the two of you hastily left the gallery.
His tongue invaded your mouth with an intensity that drew sharp pants from your throat. You returned his energy stroke for stroke, unable to get enough of him. Your hands dragged from his hair to his shoulders and further down, your nails digging in as you gripped his ass and forcibly pulled his hips tighter against yours. Minghao thrust against you, the friction making you see stars even with your clothes still on.
He gripped your ass hard enough to bruise and jerked you away from the wall so he could stumble to your bedroom. You barely made it, both of you kissing wildly and breathlessly giggling the entire way.
His body blanketed yours as you fell onto the bed, his warmth comforting and heartbreakingly familiar. You both muttered incoherent praises and I love you’s into the other’s mouth, still unable to get close enough. You sighed contentedly as he began to work his way down your body, taking clothes as he went. His chilled fingers slid beneath your blouse and helped you remove it completely, leaving you in a lacy white bra. He unabashedly moaned at the sight, and you would have giggled if not for the wet kiss he placed on each of your nipples over the fabric.
He continued his leisurely journey downwards, his hands kneading your breasts. His lips drifted across your waistline with infuriating slowness. You whined when he caught the button of your pants between his teeth and tugged lightly before moving on. Your fingers tangled in the roots of his hair, simultaneously enjoying its softness and lightly pulling to urge him on.
“Hao, you’re killing me here,” you murmured.
“Call it payback.” Despite his cocky words, his voice was strained with lust. You looked down at him and immediately regretted it when you almost came at the sight. His hair was wild from your hands running through it, flushed color high on his cheeks and his pupils blown so wide that hardly any brown remained.
No matter what he said, he wouldn’t be able to resist burying himself inside you for much longer.
At last, Minghao unbuttoned your pants and carefully pushed them down your legs, taking your underwear with them. You tried to find it within yourself to be embarrassed at your nakedness, but you couldn’t. Minghao’s eyes devouring you like this felt so right that it put a lump in your throat.
“I love you,” you told him again, as if you hadn’t said the same three words a hundred times in the last hour. Regardless, Minghao blushed again as if it were the first time you’d told him, a sweet smile pulling at his lips. When combined with the lust-crazed look in his eyes, though, you found yourself clenching woefully around nothing.
When your lower half was sufficiently stripped naked, Minghao lifted himself off the bed so he could remove his suit jacket and button-down, stepping out of his shoes at the same time. He did so slowly, methodically, and you watched him through hooded eyes, appreciating the tension of the wait as much as he did. Your mouth dried at the sight of him. His body was leanly-muscled and utterly perfect, dotted every so often with constellations of moles and small scars from past adventures.
“You’re so pretty,” you sighed, pleased when Minghao blushed again. He didn’t let your words distract him, instead settling between your thighs and roughly tugging your hips closer to his face. You gasped as you slid down the bed, anticipation thrumming in your veins.
His breath was unbearably warm against your overheated core and, like he could sense how it drove you wild, he blew lightly on your clit. Your entire body seized, your hands immediately burying themselves in his hair again.
“If we do this, darling, I want to make something abundantly clear.”
You cracked your eyes open, unsure when you had actually screwed them shut. “Yes, Hao?”
Minghao groaned and pressed an open-mouthed kiss to the inside of your thigh. “If you say it like that again I might never let you leave this bed.” You squirmed, the need to have his mouth on you all-consuming. He kissed your other thigh, allowing his tongue to drag to your pelvic bone as you moaned. He waited until you were looking down at him, your chest heaving, before he spoke. “After tonight, I’m yours, do you understand me? You won’t be able to get me away from this pretty pussy.”
Your entire body flooded with heat. “Yes, Hao. You’re mine. I’m yours—” Your declaration cut off in a cry when Minghao’s tongue parted your folds in one long stroke. He stopped to dote on your clit, working you in tight, expert circles that catapulted you to the edge in three seconds flat.
You weren’t sure when one of his hands left your thigh, but you jolted in surprise when two of his fingers poised themselves at your entrance. He gathered your slick on his fingertips and pushed in at the same time his tongue increased its pressure. You moaned loudly and ground your hips against his face, tugging hard at the roots of his hair now. Minghao groaned against you, the vibrations driving you wild. His fingers pushed into you at an angle, over and over again, long enough that they easily bumped that incredible spot inside you on every pass.
You climbed higher and higher with no end in sight. You were a thread one small breath from snapping, your entire body quivering with your need to orgasm.
“You taste—” he sucked hard and wet on your clit “—so fucking good.”
“God, Hao, please—”
“Come for me, darling.” Minghao withdrew his fingers from you without warning. Before you could protest their absence he replaced them with his tongue, thrusting it into you with the fervor of a man starved. Your back arched and you cried out. A light sheen of sweat covered your entire body as you writhed. “Need to taste it, please—” His nose bumped your clit at just the right angle and the thread finally snapped.
Your orgasm tore through you like a shooting star. Your body lit up, explosions rippling all the way to the tips of your toes. You clenched hard around Minghao’s tongue and he moaned, obviously satisfied beyond belief, as you came in his mouth.
It felt like hours before you finally came down. Your entire body shook in the wake of what was probably the best orgasm of your life. Definitely better than any that Joshua had ever given you, a thought which made you giggle.
Minghao kissed his way up your body, his lips and chin shining with you. “What’s so funny?” He nipped at the spot below your ear before capturing your mouth in his. You groaned at the taste of you on his lips, instantly ready for him again.
“Oh, nothing.” You giggled. “Joshua could never—”
Minghao cut you off with an honest-to-god growl. He moved back to kissing your throat, leaving new hickies over the ones he’d already created. You bit your lip, still smiling at the ceiling as he lightly ground his clothed dick against your core. “Will you not say his name after I’ve just made you orgasm?” He asked indignantly.
You pushed Minghao off of you by his shoulders, pleased by the surprised look on his face as you rolled him onto his back. You felt unbelievably powerful as you straddled him now. He couldn’t keep his eyes off your breasts even if he wanted to. You wordlessly reached behind you to unclasp your bra, taking your time sliding the straps down your shoulders. At last you were left bare before him and you tossed your bra across the room.
He began to sit up, his face dark with lust, but you stopped him before he could take your nipple in his mouth. He met your eyes, confused, and you answered him with a knowing smile.
You kissed his jaw, then his throat, pushing him back down onto his back as you moved to his torso. You didn’t torture him by moving slowly as he had with you, looking up at him through your eyelashes to observe his reactions. His breaths turned into quiet, short gasps when your mouth reached the skin just above his pants.
You unbuttoned his pants slowly, taking your time pulling those down first, then his underwear. Your mouth dried when his hard cock sprang free, the tip flushed and glistening with precum. You had no doubt that the stretch would be incredible—both his size and shape were perfect for you, like he had been designed with you in mind. Or perhaps the other way around. If there was ever a doubt in your mind about how much he wanted you, it was gone now.
His hips thrusted gently into the open air, seeking nonexistent friction. You took a moment to admire him and bit your lip. You pressed more kisses to his soft thighs, his knees, his hips. His cock twitched.
“Pretty boy,” you purred. He shuddered.
Minghao moaned again. “Please, baby—”
You cut him off by wrapping your lips around the head of his cock. He instinctively thrusted hard, nearly choking you, but you didn’t mind in the slightest. You wantonly moaned around him, gratified by the hard shudder that worked its way through his body in response.
The taste of him was addicting. You recklessly sought more of it as you took him further into your mouth, stopping only when he hit the back of your throat. You gagged and Minghao’s hands threaded into your hair, pulling it into a loose ponytail at the nape of your neck. You were dripping down your thighs now, a mixture of your cum from your last orgasm and the new need to have his cock inside you.
“You’re so sexy—ah—yes, just like that.” Minghao’s praises were music to your ears, only fueling you to bob your head on him faster. You relaxed your throat as best you could, pride swelling in your chest when you managed to take him deep. He gasped sharply when you swallowed around his length. “Fuck—yes, do that again—”
You obeyed, ignoring the tears overflowing onto your cheeks and the lewd sounds you were making. Minghao seemed so turned on now that he might explode out of his skin. Your hand found his sac, gently massaging it in time with the movements of your mouth. You felt him tighten beneath you, a telltale sign that he was seconds from cumming.
Not for the first time tonight, Minghao moved too quickly for you to process in a timely manner. Before you could blink you were trapped beneath him on the mattress, tears still staining your face and the taste of his cock in your mouth. He kissed you feverishly, his dick sandwiched between you as he ground himself against your stomach.
“I want to finish inside you, not before,” he said into your mouth, eliciting a groan from deep in your chest.
“Yes,” you hissed. You took his cock in your hand and smiled when he jerked. By this point, even with your previous orgasm, both of you were so sensitive that you wouldn’t last long. “Are you clean?” you asked.
“Yes, why—”
“Good, because I want you raw. I have to feel you—”
Minghao cut you off with a wild moan and kiss, his lips barely giving you time to catch a breath. “God, I love you.”
Your heart bloomed with warmth. This is what you’d been so terrified of? Loving and being loved in return?
He helped you line up the head of his cock with your entrance, notching it in just enough to stay there as he pressed a shaky kiss to your forehead. Your eyes were locked on where he entered you as he pushed in to the hilt.
You both released simultaneous moans of relief. Your limbs trembled as you tried to accommodate his size, the stretch burning through you in delicious licks of pleasure.
“You feel so good…” he murmured, taking one of your breasts into his mouth and sucking relentlessly at the nipple. “God, you’re so tight—”
You whined, urging him to move. He obeyed, slipping out of you almost completely before pushing back in. His face fell against your shoulder and he softly bit down on your flesh to stifle his moans. You unintentionally clenched around his length in response, dragging another strangled groan out of him.
He easily hit your g-spot on every thrust. You found yourself coiling tighter and tighter, dangerously close to your orgasm once again. Your walls continuously fluttered around him, made more intense by the string of unintelligible praises and curses that fell from his lips.
He captured your mouth in his again. Your nails dug into his shoulders and dragged low on his hips—you knew you would leave scratches, but you didn’t care in the slightest. Neither did he, apparently, because his thrusts turned wild. He impaled you on his cock over and over again, his pace brutal and unrelenting as you both sought your highs.
There wasn’t a single thought in your head save the feeling of Minghao pounding into you. You were an absolute mess, as was he—hair tangled, sweat-slicked bodies colliding and faces pinched with pleasure.
“Cum inside, baby—” you moaned “I’m on the pill, please. I need you—”
“Ah, fuck—” Minghao cut himself off and his thrusts grew sloppier, signaling that he was close. The sensation of his cock pulsing inside you ignited your second orgasm like a wildfire.
Your walls contracted hard enough that he moaned unrestrained this time, and he stilled momentarily as he filled you in repeated, thick spurts. Euphoria shattered through you, so intense you could scarcely breathe around it. He rocked his hips against yours slowly, working you both through your highs without crossing the line into pain.
When you both returned to earth, Minghao still didn’t remove his cock from you. Instead he rolled onto his side with his arms around you, taking you with him, and you threw a leg over his hips. You laid like that for a long time, just basking in the comfortable silence and aftershocks of your orgasms.
Tonight had ended the best way it possibly could have. You kissed Minghao lazily, like you had all the time in the world to do so. And really, you did. His fingers traced gentle lines up and down your spine as you drew small circles on his ribcage.
“Why did you agree to fake dating me?” You asked suddenly.
“Hmm?”
“The day we met, you said the arrangement would be mutually exclusive. What did you mean?”
Minghao laughed softly. “I’d forgotten about that. That day in the bathroom wasn’t the first time I saw you,” he confessed. “The first time I saw you was last spring outside the library. You were carrying this huge stack of books and you dropped them without question so you could help a caterpillar off the staircase. You put it in the grass and continued on like it was nothing.” Your jaw dropped. You barely remembered that and were shocked that he did, especially in such detail. “I think that’s when I fell in love with you, but who knows.” He drew back to look at you, satisfaction oozing from his every pore at your shock. He kissed the tip of your nose. “I have a proposition for you,” he murmured.
Your eyes narrowed. The last proposition had taken both of you for a wild ride, to say the least. “What is it?”
Minghao smiled.
“Will you be my girlfriend?"
~ DAY FOUR HUNDRED SEVENTEEN ~
You were almost more nervous to walk across the stage because Minghao was in the audience. Graduating college was already nerve-wracking, but put a smoking-hot boy who only had eyes for you in the mix? You were a goner.
You gripped your fake diploma for dear life—the real one was tucked safely in your purse beneath Minghao’s chair—and prayed you wouldn’t eat shit halfway through your walk.
You glanced out at the audience, finding your boyfriend’s face immediately. No, scratch that—fiancé. You still couldn’t get used to it, even if it had been a month already. You glanced down at the ring glittering on your finger, a dainty, whimsical thing that perfectly suited the man who had given it to you.
The sight gave you comfort. You looked back up at Minghao, who now had a pleased smile on his face as if he could sense the direction your thoughts had taken. He flashed you a conspicuous thumbs-up and you giggled quietly.
You turned back to the stage, suddenly aware that you were next to walk. You wished Minghao were up here with you, but he had graduated the semester prior and was left to support you from afar. You watched as Chaeyoung—the valedictorian, funny enough—shook hands with the boy who had gone before you, a radiant smile on her face. She looked beautiful. But then again, she always was. One of these days, you might actually achieve fully forgiving her so you could ask where she got those earrings.
Distantly, you heard the announcer call your name and the following whoops and cheers from Minghao and your family. The grin on your face wasn’t faked—over the past year-and-a-half, more and more of your smiles had become genuine.
You took a deep breath. Aware of Minghao watching you, you took the first step into the rest of your life.
BOOM! and with that, minghaoyoudoin is finally deserving of her name haha 😆 thank you again for reading if you made it this far, please leave a like and/or reblog if you enjoyed!
rating: 18+ ONLY!!! fr don't even think about it, minors
warnings: the concept of virginity, mention of and consumption of food, lots of kissing, dirty talk, oral sex (f. receiving), unprotected sex (don't be stupid like these two), hyunsuk is hung, some minor biting and hair pulling, creampie, aftercare, I'm sure I missed some but that's all I can think of lol
a/n: I'm baaaaaaack 😈 this was requested a very long time ago by my lovely 🐢 anon, I'm so sorry it's been so long! with this, I've finally written for all the cix boys mwahahaha. feel free to keep the requests coming, I'm finally done with school so my tumblr shenanigans are back on schedule!
Hyunsuk looked like he was going to vomit.
You stared at him across the small dining table, your forkful of pasta frozen several inches from your mouth. His usually golden skin had turned ashen, his face so pale it was actually bordering on green. Whatever he was thinking about to make him look this way was making the other restaurant guests stare.
“What is going on with you?” You blurted at last. You set your fork back on your plate as Hyunsuk’s eyes flicked up to meet yours. Panic weighed heavy over his warm brown irises, a blanket of fog to mute their hue.
Your best friend grimaced and swallowed thickly, his strong throat flexing. God, you were so tired of noticing things like that. “I think I ate something I shouldn’t have,” he choked out at last.
It was a lie. A poor one, too. “I asked you to lunch so I could ask you a question. Why are you the one about to throw up with nerves?” Your teasing helped disguise the anxiety eating away at you, but you weren’t completely sure if Hyunsuk bought it.
In all honesty, your reason for inviting Hyunsuk out today had everything to do with the fact you noticed things like his adam’s apple bobbing.
“You know I hate when people do that,” Hyunsuk said roughly. He took several deep gulps of his water, your eyes tracking the movement of his throat. “’Sukie, we need to talk’,” his voice rose several octaves to imitate yours, “’Can I ask you something over lunch?’. Do you realize I’ve been shitting myself since then?”
You laughed and reached across the table to pat the top of Hyunsuk’s head, at which he scoffed indignantly. “You know it’s nothing bad, Hyunsuk. I would have stormed over to your place to talk right away if that were the case.”
Hyunsuk had been your best friend for nearly a decade now. You knew him better than you knew yourself most days, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t have your fun with him every now and then. If the roles were reversed you were certain he’d do the same thing.
The majority of the green tinge to Hyunsuk’s skin subsided as he finished the last of his water. “Fine then.” He motioned in your direction and finally took a bite of the sandwich in front of him. “Go on, ask your question.”
You opened your mouth and promptly stalled. You hesitated for several moments, abruptly nervous again. When you had played and replayed this scenario in your head earlier, you hadn’t actually considered what his real reaction would be. Would he laugh at you? Storm out of the restaurant? Declare he was done being your best friend for all eternity?
Hyunsuk raised an eyebrow. “Well?”
“We’ve been friends for a really long time.” It was not what you had intended to say.
“Yes?” He looked more confused now, though it was obvious his curiosity outweighed any annoyance. “What does that have to do with anything?”
You ignored him and pushed on, “Have I had a boyfriend in all that time?” Hyunsuk frowned and looked at a point above your head, obviously trying to remember.
“No.”
“Exactly.” You leaned forward in your chair, your pasta forgotten. “I think I’m going insane. Like, actually. No matter how much I thought about it I couldn’t figure out why, and then a couple weeks ago I realized. I’m frustrated.”
“…Frustrated.”
“Yes. I’m restless all the time, I can’t concentrate. I can’t even be alone in the same room with you without—”
“Hold on.” You cut yourself off as Hyunsuk raised a hand to stop you. His other one fidgeted with the white tablecloth, worrying the edge between his thumb and forefinger. “You can’t be in the same room as me?”
You realized now how that sounded when spoken aloud. “No, no, that’s not what I meant. I…” You hesitated again, anxiety gripping your throat in earnest. “I’m twenty and I’m still a virgin. It’s driving me up a wall and—I, well…”
Hyunsuk looked like he’d seen a ghost. His eyes were wide, though they had taken on a different quality now than the panic that had been in them earlier. You couldn’t place it. “Say it,” he urged.
You leaned further towards him. He mirrored your movement, his face close enough to share breath. You glanced around to ensure no one was obviously eavesdropping and, once satisfied, you took a deep breath.
“Hyunsuk, I want you to fuck me.”
You internally smacked yourself. Why would you say it like that?
Hyunsuk released the breath he’d been holding in a strained exhale. He leaned back in his seat and crossed his arms over his chest, brown eyes studying your face. You tried to ignore the disappointment rearing in your chest. You’d been expecting more of a reaction from him.
After what could have been minutes or hours, he quietly asked, “Why?”
“What do you mean?”
“Why me? I know we’re best friends, but you’ve never mentioned anything close to this before. Are you even attracted to me like that?”
Oh yeah, this would hurt to admit. Reluctantly and unable to meet his eyes, you nodded tightly. “I wouldn’t be asking if I weren’t, idiot.”
You knew he was grinning without having to look at him. He was still near vibrating with nerves. “Okay. That’s… good to know. I just… are you just using me to ‘get it over with’? I don’t want to be that to you. I don’t want to ruin our friendship like that.”
At this, your eyes snapped back to his face. “It won’t, I swear it. And you aren’t just some tool I can use, you know. It takes two and all that, so if you aren’t up for it then I’m okay with never bringing it up again.” You paused, trying to gather your thoughts. “I suppose when I figured out I was frustrated sexually like this, I realized there’s no one else I could imagine doing it with. Someone has to be the first and I want it to be you.”
Hyunsuk was still staring at you with that unfamiliar gleam in his eye, something you now realized might be desire.
A new thought crashed through your fragile wall of hope and wiped the smile off your face. “Do you…” You cleared your throat. “Do you not… like me like that?”
Hyunsuk laughed softly, his expression gentling. “Are you kidding me? Of course I do. You’re, well, you’re you.”
That was as close as he would get to calling you beautiful, you supposed. Even so, it was enough to stoke the flames of hope in your heart higher. “Then that’s settled. I know it’s a lot to ask, trust me, I do. If you need time to think about it I completely understand—”
Hyunsuk was out of his chair before you could blink. He looked close to throwing up again, this time with his new knowledge rather than the lack thereof.
“I just need a minute to think.” Hyunsuk began to stride away but froze as soon as he turned around. He looked down at you, his expression pained. “I promise I’ll call you, okay? I swear it."
Despite yourself, this helped you relax. When you spoke, you meant every word, “Take all the time you need. I’ll love you either way.”
Hyunsuk flinched, just barely. He tossed some cash onto the table for lunch and walked away, his long legs carrying him much too fast. You watched him until he vanished around the corner, the anxiety in your chest only worsening when he was out of sight.
What have I done?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You found the only way to forget how horny you were was to bake. It didn’t matter what it was. Cupcakes, brownies, cobbler, muffins, you name it—anything that allowed you to focus on a recipe and quiet your mind was good enough for you.
The second you’d gotten home from lunch you busted out every baking-related item you owned. You’d started with a cake, then cupcakes because you accidentally made way too much batter. While they were in the oven, you took the opportunity to take a long shower.
You went through the motions of washing yourself on autopilot. First shampoo, rinse, then conditioner. Shave while the conditioner soaked. Rinse. Wash your body, then your face. The routine was second-nature, unfortunately, which meant it did nothing to distract you from your thoughts. Even after finishing, you stood under the scalding water for as long as you could, just staring at the wall.
You’d scared Hyunsuk away. You knew it in your bones. His promise to call you had made you feel better in the moment, but every time you obsessively checked your phone the screen was blank. At this point you didn’t even want him to say yes. Honestly you wished you’d never brought it up in the first place. You weren’t quite sure what you’d do if you lost your best friend over something as stupid as your virginity.
You didn’t get out of the shower until the water ran too cold to bear. Your teeth clattered violently as you pulled on underwear and one of Hyunsuk’s sweatshirts, big enough on you that it hung nearly to your knees. Across the front in big, bold letters was the phrase EXTROVERT UNIVERSITY. Perhaps not the most appropriate for you, but certainly accurate for Hyunsuk.
You were brushing the knots out of your wet hair when you finally remembered you had food in the oven. There was no way it had been less than 30 minutes since you got in the shower. You dropped your brush and ran, spewing profanities under your breath as you went.
You expected to see your apartment filled with smoke. Or, best case scenario, open the oven to see a pan of inedible hockey pucks. What you didn’t expect to see, however, was Hyunsuk seated at your kitchen island, slathering butter onto a cupcake.
For several moments you could only stare. Hyunsuk hadn’t noticed you yet, since his back was to you, and he was lightly bobbing his head to whatever music was playing in his airpods. You shook yourself free of your stupor and strode forward so you could lightly cuff the back of his head.
Hyunsuk jumped so hard he nearly fell off his chair. He ripped his airpods from his ears as he whirled around, his eyes comically wide. “Dude, you scared the fuck out of me.”
“I scared you?” You shot back. “You’re the one who used your emergency key to get into my apartment! And you’re eating my food.”
Hyunsuk grinned. “Be glad I did, the oven timer was going off when I walked in. I saved your ass.” You plopped into the barstool next to him, unable to hide your smile. He’s here, he’s here, he’s here. Hyunsuk’s eyes drifted to your chest—more specifically, to the writing printed across it. “Is that my sweatshirt?”
“Your observation skills are incredible. If you hadn’t noticed, I just got out of the shower. Would you prefer I be naked?”
Color flooded Hyunsuk’s cheeks, all the way to the tips of his ears. He avoided your eyes, instead watching the cupcake in his hands as he picked it apart. “I guess that’s sort of the point, isn’t it?”
You paused, dumbfounded. Surely you misheard. “Sukie… is that why you’re in my apartment? To fuck me?”
“Would you stop saying it like that?” Hyunsuk huffed, his face impossibly redder. “And… no. Not necessarily. I just don’t like how we left things earlier.”
“Me either. I’m sorry I sprung it on you like that.”
“I’m not sure there’s a better way to ask your best friend to fuck you. Taking me out to lunch was certainly a good start.”
You giggled softly. “I guess that’s true. Want to tell me why you ran off?”
The cupcake in Hyunsuk’s hands was little more than crumbs now. He didn’t answer immediately, much to your dismay, but you allowed him time to gather his thoughts as best he could. Eventually, he asked without meeting your eyes, “In all the time we’ve known each other, have I ever had a girlfriend?”
Your eyebrows furrowed. “Um, I think there was one. Sophomore year of high school, right?”
Hyunsuk threw you an insulted look. “Are you talking about my partner in chemistry lab? No, dude, I don’t even remember her name.”
“Oh. Then… no, no girlfriends.” Hyunsuk said nothing, he just stared at you expectantly. You looked back, hopelessly confused. “What are you… oh. Oh.” You leaned forward and he looked back at his hands again. “Hyunsuk, you’re a virgin too?”
“Don’t act so surprised.”
“It’s not that, it’s just—I don’t know, I’m confused. How can you still be a virgin? You’re, well, you look like that.” You motioned vaguely at his face, hoping that was all the explaining you needed to do.
“The same could be said about you, you know.”
Your cheeks heated. There he went again, finding a way to call you attractive without explicitly saying it.
“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” You asked.
“I was flustered. You caught me off guard and you were looking at me with so much hope on your face. I didn’t want to disappoint you.”
You laughed, earning yourself another dirty look. “Sukie, how could I be disappointed? I can’t exactly throw stones, you know.”
“Still.” Hyunsuk turned to look at you again, this time swiveling in his stool so you were head-on. The look in his eyes was earnest now. “Look, of course I want to have sex with you. The way you asked me earlier gave me the worst fucking boner in the history of boners. You’re just so fucking innocent. Don’t look at me like that, I don’t mean literally. I mean, you have no idea what you do to me, do you?”
Your heart felt like it would leap from your chest. “What do you mean?”
Hyunsuk stood fast enough that looking up at his face nearly gave you whiplash. You copied him in an attempt to even the field but he still towered over your head. “I get a raging hard-on because of you every other day. You’re so unfairly gorgeous that I can’t concentrate when I’m with you. Half the time I’m pretty sure you think I’m an idiot because I can’t even string two sentences together without messing up.” Hyunsuk pushed his hair away from his face, obviously agitated, but he didn’t seem to notice when the strands immediately fell over his eyes again. “I’ve wanted to fuck you since the first moment I laid eyes on you. Not just that, I’m pretty sure I fell in love with you that exact same second—”
Hyunsuk cut himself off, his chest heaving. The black shirt he was wearing was tight, emphasizing the hard lines of his pecs and defined abdomen. You fought to keep your eyes on his face, though his admission had nearly knocked you flat on your ass.
“You’re…” You swallowed roughly, your eyes burning. “You’re in love with me?”
Hyunsuk gave you a tiny nod, his eyes never leaving yours. “You’re in love with me, too, you know.”
He was right, you realized. You hadn’t thought much about it before—you’d purposely tried not to—but now that he said it aloud, there was no way you could deny it.
You loved Hyunsuk.
Hyunsuk loved you back.
“I don’t know what to say,” you admitted. “I guess I could crack a joke to ease the tension but that doesn’t feel appropriate—”
Hyunsuk moved before you could register it. One moment he was frozen, staring at you with wide eyes. The next, his mouth crushed against yours with enough force that you stumbled back a step. His broad arm snaked around your waist to steady you, simultaneously hauling you closer to his chest while his other hand gripped the roots of your hair at the base of your scalp.
You were kissing him back before you’d finished processing the feeling of his mouth on yours. His lips were unbearably soft, warm as they slid against your own. You whimpered quietly at the sensation, at the fact you were finally kissing him—something you hadn’t realized you’d been waiting your whole life for until this very moment.
Hyunsuk’s fingers gripped your ribcage, his hand large enough that his fingertips brushed the underside of your breast. His other hand, still tangled in your hair, forced your head back further, allowing him better access to your mouth.
You remembered your own hands and immediately shoved them between you so you could touch his chest. His heartbeat thundered against your palm, its rhythm mirroring your own. Further south, you were painfully aware of the hard length now straining through his jeans.
You couldn’t get enough. Your hands roved over him constantly, unable to stay in one place for longer than a second. His chest, his arms, his shoulders, his hair—you needed to touch all of him, all at once. Hyunsuk’s muscles tensed everywhere you touched and, when your fingers lightly tugged at his hair, he rewarded you with a small moan into your mouth.
His hips pressed insistently against yours, though you were certain he wasn’t aware of it. His body sought friction the same way yours did, the hot pounding between your thighs making your head spin. Hyunsuk’s hand around your waist moved to join the other one in your hair.
Gently but firmly he tugged your head back so he could look at you. You gazed at him through hooded eyes, your vision hazy with lust. Hyunsuk had an expression on his face you’d never seen before, one that would come back to visit you in wet dreams for years to come.
“Tell me you’re still sure.” He pulled the roots of your hair for emphasis, earning a surprised moan from you. Hyunsuk groaned. “Please.”
“I’m sure, I’m sure. Please, Hyunsuk.” You barely recognized your own voice. Rough and low, it belonged to someone else entirely.
He needed no more encouragement than that. Without warning Hyunsuk stooped so his shoulder pressed into your abdomen, forcing your whole body over it. You shrieked as he stood, both because of the fact you were being carried over his shoulder without warning and because of the sharp smack he gave your ass.
He didn’t need directions to your bedroom. Hyunsuk spent nights with you more often than not, though this would be the first time you’d done something in your bed with him other than sleeping.
Hyunsuk, despite the ferocity with which he’d kissed you, was gentle as he set you down on the bed. You sprawled on your back and propped yourself up on your elbows, allowing your eyes to rove over his body. He stared down at you with the expression of a man starved, but with every second that passed it turned more into insecurity. He didn’t know what to do now. Shit, neither did you.
You smiled up at him reassuringly. With as much sexiness as you could muster, you beckoned him closer with a finger. “Kiss me, Hyunsuk.”
As if under a spell, he obeyed. Hyunsuk placed one knee on the edge of the mattress and covered your body with his. He held most of his weight on his elbows, caging you in on either side. When he kissed you this time, it was softer. Sweet, like he was trying to savor you.
Your fingers hooked into his belt loops, pulling his hips flush against yours. You both released small groans at the resulting pressure. You allowed your hands to drift up his sides beneath his shirt, dragging it up his torso as you went. His skin was fever-hot and soft over hard muscle.
He sat up only long enough to yank his shirt over his head, immediately dropping down over you again. You touched as much of him as you could reach, the same fervor from earlier rising fast inside you. Everywhere your hands moved made goosebumps erupt on his skin. Hyunsuk broke the kiss, his breathing heavy. You watched him as he looked down at your chest, obviously unsure if he was allowed to touch you.
Wordlessly you sat up, forcing him to do the same. He stared at you in tense silence as you pulled his sweatshirt over your head, leaving you only in your lace underwear and bare skin. Your nipples tightened painfully under his gaze. The only word you could find to describe his expression now was hunger.
When he remained silent for nearly a full minute, you decided he needed encouragement. “Hyunsuk?”
It took him a moment to find words. “Yes?” He breathed, his voice hoarse. His eyes flicked between your face and your breasts, unable to stay on either one for longer than a second.
“If you don’t touch me in the next five seconds I think I might explode.”
He laughed lowly and palmed the impressive erection straining through his jeans. Curiosity nipped at the back of your mind, followed immediately by nerves. With painstaking slowness, he gently pushed you back down on the bed so you were on your back beneath him. He kissed you again, only once, before he began to move down your body. You squirmed as he left small love bites along the column of your throat, your shoulders, your chest. His touch was gentle, too gentle, but each time his teeth grazed your skin earned a breathy moan you couldn’t seem to control.
At last his full lips closed around your right nipple. Your entire body jerked at the unfamiliar sensation, followed immediately by a shaky groan of relief. Your fingers tangled in the roots of his hair as he sucked, his mouth unbearably hot and wet as it worked you. Your heart felt very near to thundering out of your chest.
“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he murmured against your skin, almost to himself. His teeth tugged at your nipple for emphasis.
Just when your pleasure began to mingle with pain, he shifted his focus to your other breast. He dragged his tongue across your chest, leaving a hot trail of saliva across your skin, and brought one hand up to knead the breast he had just finished doting on.
Each moan that left your mouth seemed to encourage him further. With every passing second Hyunsuk’s confidence increased, his ministrations turning from gentle exploration to eager sucking. The bright purple marks that bloomed across your skin made you see stars.
“Hyunsuk, please,” you whimpered, both your hands now pulling lightly at his scalp. Hyunsuk wordlessly continued his leisurely journey down your body. He created constellations of kisses across your ribcage, your stomach—his tongue dipped briefly into your navel and ghosted across the hem of your panties.
You genuinely wondered if you would go insane when he looked up at you through his eyelashes, a small smile tugging at his swollen lips. “Where should I touch you, baby?”
You tried not to let your surprise at the pet name show. An unfamiliar sort of pleasure clenched in your core, drawing your attention to the wetness between your thighs. You couldn’t manage to form coherent words—instead, you allowed your legs to fall further open around him, baring your center to his face.
His eyes fell to your core and he released another shuddering breath. His long fingers hooked beneath your panties and pulled them to the side. For the first time, you felt truly exposed. Hyunsuk said nothing, the heartbeat in your clit reaching astronomical levels under his gaze.
He blew gently on your overheated core and your entire body convulsed. “Now seems like a good time to remind you,” he said roughly, “that I don’t know what I’m doing. You’ll have to tell me.”
“You’re doing great, Sukie. Just… do it, please, before I die.” Your hands in his hair tried in vain to push his face where you wanted it, but Hyunsuk was far stronger than you were. He didn’t move an inch, much to your despair. Instead, he helped you pull your panties down your legs until they were completely off, lying forgotten somewhere on the floor.
Without warning, his lips closed around your clit. You let out a sharp gasp, inadvertently yanking on his hair as you did so. Hyunsuk, to your surprise, moaned loudly at the sensation, his hips thrusting against the mattress as he sought to relieve the pressure between his legs. His forearms snaked beneath your ass, his hands large enough that they rested on top of your hipbones and locked you against the bed.
You didn’t know what feeling to focus on. His tongue circled your clit slowly, exerting just enough pressure to make you squirm. Your core spasmed with every movement, but you already knew it wouldn’t be enough.
“More, Hyunsuk, please—” your voice broke off into a moan as he obeyed. Hyunsuk’s teeth grazed your clit at the same moment his lips closed hard around it, sucking forcefully now. You sighed heavily, the breath whooshing from your chest at some of the pressure between your legs finally easing. Your back arched off the mattress and you tugged harder at his hair—you weren’t sure whether you were trying to trap him between your legs or push him away.
“You taste—” he said, his voice muffled against your core “—absolutely incredible.” Hyunsuk released your hipbone so he could position two fingers at your entrance, gathering some of your arousal onto his fingertips before timidly pushing into you. You muttered incoherent praises as his fingers curled, his middle and ring fingers finding your g-spot with ease.
You weren’t going to last. Hyunsuk rammed his fingers into you at an angle at the same time his mouth suckled your clit. You looked down at him, struggling to keep your eyes open, to find him already watching you. He growled against your center—actually growled—as he felt your walls tightening around his fingers.
“Please, harder,” you begged.
“I have to prep you, baby,” Hyunsuk scissored his fingers against your walls for emphasis, eliciting another gasp from you. “I’m big.” He didn’t say it as a brag but rather like it was a known fact, something which inclined you to believe him.
You threw your head back, lost in your pleasure. Hyunsuk’s pace didn’t falter. He continued to moan into your clit, the vibrations ricocheting up your spine and forcing you closer to your orgasm. The lewd sounds of him fingering you were broken only by his muttered praises about tasting so good or being so good for him.
“Hyunsuk, I—I’m gonna—”
“Yes, please, please cum on my tongue—”
Your hips rocked against his face, any sense of shame lost in your desperation to cum. Hyunsuk groaned against you again and it was the final push you needed to catapult off the edge. Lightning streaked through your veins, your orgasm barreling into you with such force that your thighs snapped closed around his head. He didn’t seem to mind in the slightest, instead feverishly moaning as he tried to prolong your high as long as he could.
“Oh my god.” You pressed your head and shoulders into the mattress, trying and failing to catch your breath. The echoes of your orgasm still zinged through your body long after Hyunsuk removed his fingers from you. When you finally managed to open your eyes, you nearly came again at the sight of Hyunsuk smiling up at you, his lips shining with your arousal.
He examined his glistening fingers and, like he was curious, he placed his fingers between his lips. He blinked innocently at you, smiling either at your taste or the expression on your face. Perhaps both. You groaned shakily and gently massaged his muscular shoulders. Somehow, your orgasm hadn’t calmed you down. You were more turned on than ever, actually, and you had never needed anything the way you needed his cock.
You pulled Hyunsuk up your body by the back of his neck, appreciating the startled noise he made. When his face hovered above yours you pressed an enthusiastic kiss to his lips. He tasted of chocolate cake and you, a flavor which instantly became your new favorite.
“I swear I’m going to return the favor,” you whispered into his mouth, “but if you aren’t fucking me senseless in the next thirty seconds I’m going to scream.”
Hyunsuk nodded fervently, all too excited to oblige you. You helped him out of his pants and underwear, almost too afraid to look down. As he’d warned you earlier, he was big—you could tell that much just by his height—but when his naked length brushed your thigh you seriously worried it wouldn’t fit.
“Raise your legs, baby.” Hyunsuk looped his arms under your knees and hauled them up, holding them there with his hands braced on either side of his ribcage. He kissed the tip of your nose and moved his face so you couldn’t look anywhere other than him. “Please stop me if I hurt you. We’ll go as slow as you need.”
Something in your heart fractured. Hyunsuk, your best friend. Your friend turned lover, and probably the sweetest person you’d ever met.
“I’m okay, Hyunsuk. Promise.”
He nodded, his eyes sharing lust and anxiety in equal measure. You finally allowed yourself to look down as he took his cock in a hand and pumped slowly. Any coherent thought left your head at the sight. Hyunsuk wasn’t just big, he was huge. Long and thick, his cock was flushed an angry red and looking very much like it would hurt.
He dragged the tip between your dripping folds, his precum only adding to the slickness there. Hyunsuk fitted the head into your entrance and pressed a chaste kiss to your brow. He thrusted experimentally, his cock entering you just enough that you both gasped in unison. You bit down hard on your bottom lip, unable to look away from your joined hips.
He captured your mouth in his again, probably to distract you from the pain. Even with the lubrication from both your cum and his, the stretch was enough to steal your breath. Hyunsuk kissed you like he was trying to stay grounded to earth. Low, frenzied moans rumbled in his throat on each pass.
The muscles in his shoulders bunched and flexed beneath your fingers. You gently bit down on the flesh above his collarbone to muffle the sounds coming from you, somewhere between moans and cries.
Your walls wouldn’t seem to give way. He took his time, never trying to force his cock all the way into you or increase his pace to one you couldn’t handle. Just looking at the size of his dick was intimidating enough, but having it inside you was something else entirely. He managed to get halfway in before the pain subsided enough that you began rolling your hips against his, silently begging for more.
He pulled out and, at long last, your walls relaxed as he pushed in. All at once, his cock plunged into you to the hilt, both of you gasping in surprise and pleasure.
“That’s it…” Hyunsuk sighed into your hair, his entire body shaking. “Atta girl.”
You whimpered, tears stinging the backs of your eyes. God, it hurt. He was massive and you were too tight, and holy shit you needed more, more, more.
“Move now, Hyunsuk,” you choked out. Your heels dug into his ass, feeling it flex as he timidly pulled out and thrusted back in. It still hurt, certainly enough to make you grit your teeth, but there was pleasure there now. Something in your lower stomach was already tightening like it had when he used his tongue. The urge to chase that feeling was enormous.
You bit down on his shoulder, harder this time. His hands found both of yours, lacing your fingers together and forcing them to either side of your head. His pace was still unbearably slow, his fear of hurting you blocking him from truly fucking you.
“Hyunsuk—”
You couldn’t finish your plea. His name cut off into a sharp whine as he snapped his hips into yours. He did it again, and again, and you were gone. Your moans were sometimes words, sometimes not, but they were completely wild and all for him.
The hard pace he set had your walls clamping down hard around him with every brush to your g-spot. Hyunsuk’s teeth were fastened onto his bottom lip, his eyes locked on the place your bodies collided, over and over again.
“Oh god, Hyunsuk, please, please—”
Your legs violently shook around his hips, the pain from before replaced only by pleasure now. Your walls spasmed and clenched around him, drawing deep whimpers from his throat.
“You’re so tight, baby.” His voice was unrecognizable. “You like this, hmm? You like your best friend fucking you stupid?”
You nodded, barely registering the words coming from his mouth. You were overcome by pleasure, by the feeling of his cock stretching you out and filling you so full you wouldn’t ever be able to forget it.
With skill you couldn’t understand, Hyunsuk pulled out completely and flipped you roughly onto your stomach. He hauled your ass up and closer to him, his cock easily filling you again before you could mourn the initial loss of it. You gasped, partly from shock and partly from pleasure.
Your forehead fell against your arm as he fucked you from behind, his pace fast enough now that it forced you further up onto the mattress. His body leaned over yours and he kissed any part of you his mouth could reach—your hair, your throat, your shoulders, it didn’t matter to him.
Hyunsuk was getting close now. His moans had turned breathy, his thrusts becoming more erratic as your pussy clenched hard around him. He gripped your waist hard enough to bruise, fucking you on his cock at a ruthless pace.
The hot ball in your stomach grew unbearably tight. You begged him to make you cum, to fill you with him, and his only response was to pound into you harder. When his fingers dove between your legs and found your clit again, your orgasm exploded out of you with the force of a falling star.
Your walls clamped down on his cock hard enough that he couldn’t fully thrust anymore. “Yes, baby, that’s it…” Hyunsuk sighed heavily, allowing his forehead to rest between your shoulder blades. “Cum for me, sweetheart.”
Your lips parted and your entire body locked, unable to produce any sort of sound under the weight of your orgasm. Hyunsuk’s cock twitched inside you, filling you with hot cum in thick bursts. For the first time, you remembered that you weren’t using protection and were extraordinarily grateful for the birth control pills you took regularly.
Your sweat-slick bodies trembled in the wake of your orgasms, his cock still nestled deep inside you as you came down. You weren’t sure how long you stayed that way, just holding each other and panting heavily. At some point Hyunsuk shifted so the two of you were spooning, but he didn’t try to remove himself from you once you were both laying comfortably.
There were tears in your eyes again. You tried to control it but a small sniffle escaped you despite your valiant effort. Hyunsuk was immediately on alert. He took your chin between his thumb and forefinger and forced you to look at him, the look on his face a perfect combination of adoration and worry.
“Why are you crying?” He whispered, panicked. “Are you hurt? Did I… Did I do something wrong?”
“No.” You hastily wiped away the tear that had escaped one of your eyes. “Sukie, no. I’m amazing, actually. Better than amazing.”
“Then why are you crying?”
“I’m just… really happy.” You sniffled again, the truth of your words making another tear slide down your cheek.
Hyunsuk didn’t look convinced. He placed a delicate kiss between your eyes and at last removed his cock from you, both of you grunting at the sudden loss. Your pussy throbbed, a deep ache that you were certain would last for the next few days.
You admired your view of his nakedness as he padded into your connected bathroom, coming back a minute later with a washcloth in hand. You watched him through your eyelashes and let your legs fall open again. Gratification echoed through you at the way his cock twitched in response.
He knelt between your thighs and cleaned you gently. “We, um. We made a mess,” he admitted sheepishly. His throat and face flushed a deep, pretty scarlet, all the way to the tips of his ears. You grinned down at him lazily.
“Care to do it again sometime?”
He blushed further, eliciting a giggle from you. Wordlessly he stood and pulled on his underwear—something you protested to no avail—and he gave you a timid kiss before leaving the room. He returned before you could ask where he was going, holding two butter-slathered cupcakes and a bottle of water in his hand.
“I didn’t even get a chance to frost these, you heathen,” you laughed. Still, you accepted the cupcake he offered you and smiled at him warmly in thanks.
“So,” he began, his mouth stuffed, "is the internet right?”
“What do you mean?”
He motioned between you, both still naked except for his underwear and the sheet tucked around you. “Is our friendship ruined because we had sex?”
You pretended to think for a moment. You didn’t really have to ponder this question at all, but you did enjoy the frazzled look that appeared on Hyunsuk’s face. You took a bite of your cupcake and socked him playfully on the shoulder. “I definitely think it’s ruined, yeah.”
“For real?”
You leaned forward and kissed him too quickly for him to react. “I’m gonna be thinking about that tight ass all the time now.” You squealed when he pounced, caging you between his arms and nearly squishing your cupcake between your chests. You gave him a radiant smile, exhilarated.
Hyunsuk returned it, looking joyous and thoroughly spent. “I think I could get used to this.” He adjusted so that he rested casually between your legs beneath the sheet you’d covered yourself with. He took your cupcake and set it safely on your nightstand, now able to let his head rest on your chest as you held each other.
You petted his hair, just savoring the feeling of his heartbeat and his breaths that evened into sleep quicker than you’d thought possible. This boy, you thought, smiling sleepily at nothing.
Yeah. You could get used to this.
thank you for reading!! if you enjoyed, please leave a like and reblog to show your support!
y’all… i have a finger-lickin good idea for an au but I don’t know who to write it about. any thoughts on who you want me to write for next? it can be someone new or someone I’ve already written about! gimme all your thoughts 😈🫶
Ahhh omg I’ve been following the mafia boss!Hyunjin au series since part 2 and I wanted to read it all again and was SO excited to see a part 4 and 5 omg all of the feelings I had, such a beautiful and riveting story by you 😭😭
OMG 😭😭😭 I log onto tumblr after a couple weeks and this is the sweet message I see 🖤 you are so nice what the heck!! I’m so glad you enjoyed the hyunjin story, it’s been my baby for almost a year now and it feels so good to have it complete for y’all. thank you for the love, I’m so so grateful! 🫶🫶🫶
genre: angst / smut (minors GET BACK 🤺) / non-idol au
words: 10.1k (whoopsie)
rating: strictly 18+, stay in school kids
warnings: so much angst, heavy alcohol consumption, cursing, brief nosebleed, break-up and commitment issues, fem-bodied reader, more angst, making out, hair pulling, choking, wonwoo is hung, rough sex, dirty talk, possessiveness, fingering, oral sex (f. receiving), praise, pet names (baby), maybe a sprinkle of masochism idk, edging and orgasm denial, dom wonwoo, sub reader, dry humping, unprotected sex, spanking (just one, to be exact), overstimulation, creampie, brief fainting, aftercare, some more angst and a little bit of fluff to top it off, sorry if I forgot anything!
a/n: HAPPYYYYYYY NEW YEARS!!!!! here's to hoping 2023 is better than 2022 lol. I'm finally back to writing for seventeen, it's been wayyyy too long. I hope everyone enjoys reading, please leave a like and/or reblog if you do!
Sometimes you wonder what would have happened if you’d never gotten into that taxi.
What if it hadn’t been raining? Or the cab driver had been different—one who had the path across the city memorized, rather than getting lost after making a wrong turn onto 32nd street? After clambering onto the slick sidewalk, still a little drunk and wishing you weren’t wearing heels, what if you had turned right to head toward Main instead of left toward Adams? What if you had remembered to charge your phone before going out with friends so it wouldn’t have died in the middle of the night? If you had chosen a different bar in your search for a payphone, would you still have met him?
All these questions were pointless, of course. Because you had met him that night, a night which you would later recognize had irrevocably changed your life.
You’d stumbled into the bar at 2:57 AM—you only remembered because it was three minutes before closing and the bartender had given you the look. The I-wish-you-were-never-born look. You hadn’t minded, not really. Even now, you remembered the warm brown color of his eyes as he blankly stared down at you, apparently confused by your half-drunken request to use the store’s phone.
We don’t have one, he’d said.
How do you not have a phone?
The bartender had raised an eyebrow, and it was around this moment you realized he was very, very tall. Almost comically so. Well, I have a phone. You just can’t use it.
Why not?
Because I said so.
You recalled the acute urge to strangle this tall, rude bartender. If you don’t let me borrow your phone I’m going to order one of every single drink on the menu, you’d declared.
The stranger just stared. He’d stared at you like he could see directly through your skin and into your soul, and though you’d itched with the urge to blink, you refused to do so first. A long moment passed, during which your drunken mind was struck by the perfect idea to persuade him.
I’ll fuck you for it.
He’d released a loud, startled laugh, sounding almost as if he hadn’t meant to do it at all. The bartender had laughed and laughed, unable to stop unless he was turned completely away from you. In all honesty, it had hurt your pride.
Once the stranger had mastered himself, he reached into the pocket of his apron and fished out a small, rectangular object. His cellphone, mercifully, and damn you if the sight didn’t make your shoulders slump with relief.
He’d reached a muscular arm across the bar to hand it to you, his shoulders still shaking with barely-restrained laughter. Even shivering with the cold rain in your hair and a hangover already pounding at your temples, you had offered him a genuine, warm smile.
The bartender had smiled back, for the first time looking like he didn’t want to squash you under his shoe.
I’m Wonwoo.
~~~
Three years had passed since the night you first met Jeon Wonwoo.
You couldn’t recall every moment of those years with perfect clarity, but you always remembered that first night. He had let you use his personal cellphone so you could call your roommate for a ride, though it had turned out to be pointless when he didn’t answer. Since you were effectively stranded, you’d sat at the bar alone while Wonwoo closed up, asking him a plethora of questions that he sometimes answered, sometimes didn’t. After that initial smile he’d gone back to treating your presence like a thorn in his side, but he never kicked you out. And much like your abrupt realization that he was tall, you realized sometime around then that Wonwoo was intimidatingly handsome.
When he offered you a ride home himself, you were mostly sober and still very much stranded. It surprised you when he asked his own round of questions during the drive to your apartment, but what surprised you more was that you were honest in your answers. It wasn’t particularly in your nature to open up to a stranger, but what did it matter when he would find out where you lived, anyway?
Wonwoo had parallel parked in front of your apartment building and you’d scribbled your phone number on a napkin before he could argue otherwise. That was also out of character for you, but you had known then that Wonwoo was different. Someone worth getting to know.
You’d been right.
It started as a not-quite friendship. You would have, on a good day, referred to Wonwoo as an acquaintance, only really spending time with him when you needed a ride home after a night out partying. It was the only excuse you could think of to justify seeking him out, especially when he never used the phone number you’d impulsively left for him. He never seemed particularly bothered when you showed up at the bar, though, and he always gave you a ride home.
Then, after about six months of this, you had gotten a text message from an unknown number:
Come out. We’re going to dinner.
Wonwoo’s car had been in its usual spot outside your apartment building, a sight which nearly made your heart fall out of your ass. But you’d done it. You’d gone to dinner with Jeon Wonwoo.
And it was fun. Ridiculously, unexpectedly fun. He was carefree and confident in a way you deeply admired, never seeming to be bothered by anyone or anything. He’d asked you to be his girlfriend two weeks after your first date and you had said yes without a second thought.
You’d loved him. Wonwoo kept the napkin with your hastily scrawled phone number on it stuck to his fridge. He laughed with you and cried with you and kissed you until your lips were swollen and bruised. You frequently wondered what would have happened if you’d gotten in a different cab that first night, then decided it didn’t matter. He made love to you at every available opportunity and worshipped you like you were the sun personified. He was your entire world.
Until six months ago.
You hadn’t heard from him. Not for a while now. As far as you knew, he’d skipped town. You supposed that was normal considering the way you’d blown him off. The second you had seen him sitting on that park bench, fidgeting anxiously with that goddamned velvet ring box in his hand—
Nope. Nope nope nope.
Wonwoo had loved you. Maybe as much as you’d loved him. Enough to ask you to marry him.
But you couldn’t. Wouldn’t.
Regardless, you still loved Jeon Wonwoo almost as much as he hated you.
~~~
You woke up on New Year’s Eve with a nosebleed. Never a good way to start your day but not exactly something that could be helped. You just hoped it wasn’t a bad omen. You stared at your bleary-eyed reflection in the mirror as you stemmed the bleeding and cleaned your face.
Not even ten seconds had passed before someone banged on your bedroom door so hard it rattled in its frame. You rolled your eyes as you crossed your room and yanked it open, still holding a tissue to your nose.
“Mingyu, you realize that I will still answer the door if you knock normally.”
The origin of the incessant banging, your roommate Mingyu, gifted you with a shit-eating grin.
“I was making sure you were up. You don’t pay me to let you sleep until noon.”
“I don’t pay you at all.”
“Still. What happened to your face?”
You shrugged. “Who knows. I just woke up and my nose was bleeding.”
“That’s got to be a bad omen or something.”
You socked him on the shoulder and strode further into your room, catching sight of the sparkly dress hanging off your closet door. “Are you sure this is appropriate for tonight? They’re predicting snow.”
“Are you kidding?” Mingyu plopped onto your bed and punched your pillow until it was an acceptable shape for him to lean on. “It’s a New Year’s Eve party, I think it’s perfect. Maybe you can pick up a hot date or something.”
The last part of his statement was pointed, you both knew it. You shot him a dubious glare and sat next to him on the bed, throwing away your bloody tissue as you did.
“I told you I don’t care about dating right now.”
“I’m not talking about dating. What would be so bad about a hookup?”
You grimaced. “Not interested in that, either.”
Mingyu groaned. You didn’t hold it against him, his attempts to push you back out into the dating pool. He was obviously worried about you, though you hadn’t told him exactly what had gone down with Wonwoo all those months ago. And though he tried to hide it, you knew Mingyu missed Wonwoo just as much as you did. Those two had been partners in crime, once upon a time, but you’d inadvertently ruined that, too.
“I’m not letting you flake out on going with me, you know,” Mingyu said.
You had no intention of doing so. You’d been a bad enough friend to your roommate during the months you’d spent moping in Wonwoo’s absence—ditching your so-called “date” to Chan’s New Year’s party wasn’t an option. Especially when he had stuck by your side through everything.
Mingyu had been your randomly-assigned roommate in college. There had been some glitch in your University’s housing system, hence why you’d wound up with a male roommate, but you didn’t mind. The dorm was at full capacity, anyway, so it wasn’t like you had the option to move.
You weren’t sure when Mingyu became your best friend, though he considered you his after the time you kicked out your blind date for eating Mingyu’s emergency stash of Hot Cheetos. You had been inseparable ever since, opting to live together even after college graduation.
You realized you had never responded to Mingyu’s statement and cleared your throat. “Of course I’m going with you. No one throws parties like Chan.”
Mingyu snorted. “Hopefully no one winds up passed out in the pool this year.”
“I wouldn’t bet on that.”
Chan threw a New Year’s party every year. In college there had always been a few hundred people there throughout the night, though in your adulthood that group had shrunk to a few dozen. But regardless of the size of the party, something ridiculous always happened. A few years ago Soonyoung had drunkenly fainted into the pool after a particularly cutthroat game of strip poker. Last year Wonwoo had sprained his wrist when he decided it was a good idea to jump onto the trampoline from the second-story veranda.
It was the first New Year’s in two years you wouldn’t spend with him. Your heart squeezed at the thought.
As if he could read your mind, Mingyu offered casually, “I’ll kiss you at midnight, if you want.”
You wrinkled your nose. “No thanks, hotshot.”
“Hey now,” he raised his palms defensively, “I’m just trying to be helpful.”
“I know. Thank you.” You meant it. Mingyu was arguably the one person in the world you knew would have your back no matter what.
He groaned as he stood and strode across your room. “Whatever. You only wish you could get some of this.” Mingyu hesitated as he started to close your bedroom door behind him, poking his head through the crack between the door and frame. “Definitely wear that dress. It makes your ass look great.”
He slammed the door shut before you could find something to throw at him.
~~~
When you got to Chan’s house in the suburbs it was a little past 9:30. Mingyu parked the car on the street, one of many other vehicles here for the same reason you were. You adjusted your dress around your hips as you stepped onto the curb.
It really was pretty. The material was a deep, shimmering gold that hugged your curves in all the right places, scooping low across your back with the skirt stopping just above midthigh. It wasn’t particularly practical for the cold weather but you had faith it would be warm enough inside.
Mingyu bounded up the front steps with the grace of a deer learning to walk, drawing an unbidden smile from you. By the time you reached his side he was banging repeatedly on the front door, the sound nearly drowned out by the chatter of the drunk crowd on the other side.
Your joked, “Maybe no one’s home,” was immediately disregarded when Chan wrenched open the door. Deafening music and party noise filled your ears like a warm wave the second the barrier was removed. Chan’s face was splashed with rosy color, his eyes a little glassy as he grinned. Most definitely drunk, probably had been for a while.
“You made it, thank god,” Chan grabbed yours and Mingyu’s elbows and yanked you inside the house.
“Hell yeah, man, I wasn’t going to miss this.” Mingyu and Chan fist-bumped, laughing in that ridiculous way they only did with each other. You closed the front door behind you as Chan dragged Mingyu off into the crowd, no doubt to ply him with alcohol. You grinned to yourself. Mingyu was so hard-working all the time, he deserved to have fun more than just about anyone.
You didn’t mind that you were left alone. You had been to dozens of parties like this in the past, some of which made the scene before you look tame. It helped, of course, that you already knew almost everyone here. People at Chan’s parties tended to run in the same circles and there were very seldom new additions to the guest list.
You pushed your way towards the kitchen, hunting for alcohol. You waved hello to your friends as you passed them, your warm smile so broad you almost convinced yourself of its authenticity. Just because you were moping didn’t mean anyone else had to share in your post-breakup blues.
Minghao waved at you from beneath the red-haired girl sitting in his lap, his face visibly softening when he saw you. He had been your lab partner in o-chem junior year of college—there were many fond memories of almost setting things on fire between the two of you. Despite your affection for your friend, you pretended not to see his hand beckoning to sit in the living room with him. You needed a shot, fast.
Soonyoung and Jun were having some manner of odd dance-off in the dining room, a sight which made you giggle. Seungcheol was pressing some girl firmly against the wall, kissing her with such passion it seemed as though he wished to swallow her whole. You looked away from that as fast as humanly possible.
By the time you reached the kitchen, Mingyu had a line of four empty shot glasses in front of him and was working on a fifth. The small crowd which had gathered to cheer him on was too distracted to notice when you swiped a bottle of tequila off the counter and took several deep swigs. The burn was glorious as it went down, warming your chest and fingers and toes simultaneously. It was exactly what you needed.
You wiped a trickle of alcohol off your chin with the back of your hand at the same moment Mingyu clapped you on the back.
“Drinking your sorrows?” He shouted over the music. His face was already tinged pink, his smile too wide and a little blurry. Or maybe that was just you.
“Always,” you laughed. You passed Mingyu the tequila bottle as Joshua offered you a glass of whiskey, a single pink feather from the boa around his neck floating in it. You took it anyway.
You reveled in the noise and chaos around you for what could have been minutes or hours. You weren’t much for partying nowadays, but it was nearly impossible not to have fun at one thrown by Chan. It was somehow already 10:45 and people were still showing up.
You kept to the kitchen most of the time, occasionally flitting into the living or dining rooms when you felt motivated to do so. Seokmin had produced a karaoke machine from somewhere and was shouting into the mic with Joshua, his feather boa now around both of their necks.
You took another shot—you had lost count of how many you’d taken, though it was enough to not taste the alcohol as it went down—and spun around, intent to join in on the karaoke. You’d had Careless Whisper stuck in your head for the better part of an hour, anyway. You strode for the doorway that led to the living room, your smile wide and feeling more genuine than it had in weeks—
You froze.
No.
No no no
You cursed the alcohol clouding your mind as you stared at Wonwoo, standing in the center of the living room with a red solo cup in his hand. Even if you hoped he hadn’t seen you, it was already too late. He was staring directly at you, his jaw clenched hard.
Seeing him again like this, when you couldn’t prepare yourself for it, took your goddamn breath away. His hair was longer now, curling into the collar of his shirt. He was as ridiculously tall and handsome as ever, though your memory of him did not do him justice. Wonwoo was beautiful in every sense of the word.
The lights and music dimmed as time slowed. Your vision darkened until all you could see was Wonwoo’s face. A thousand emotions flashed through his eyes, passing too quickly for your drunken mind to focus on one.
Your breaths turned shallow. Panicky. You could only see the image of that ring box in his hands, stuck behind your eyelids like some sick still from a movie.
You did the smartest thing you could think of in the moment.
You turned and ran.
Mingyu was nowhere to be found, his car keys with him, though both of you were certainly too drunk to drive his car anyway. You hardly felt the cold pricking your bare legs and arms as you tore open the front door and shot through it. If anything, the sensation was a welcome one to help clear your mind.
You willed the alcohol to process through your body faster. The shock of seeing Wonwoo already had you half-sober, but your movements were still jerky and uncoordinated as you stumbled onto the sidewalk.
A loud gasp tumbled from your lips when a strong hand grasped your elbow. You didn’t need to turn around to know who it was. His hand was distractingly warm as he yanked you around to face him, forcing you to stop.
You stared up at Wonwoo, petrified. He glared down at you, his gaze setting your entire body alight.
“Where do you think you’re going?” He no doubt tried to sound cold, but there was an undercurrent of tension in his voice that ruined it. A painful twinge sparked in your chest at the sound of his voice. You’d somehow forgotten the magnitude of his presence in your time apart. The tone which had once whispered sweet praises in your ear and professed his love for you was nowhere to be found now.
“Uhm… home?”
“You’re drunk.”
Despite your panic, you grinned. “Astute observation.”
Wonwoo released your elbow like you’d burned him. You swayed, abruptly dizzy as you mourned the loss of contact. “Go back in the house,” he bit out. “You’re too drunk to walk home and it’s freezing outside.”
You stared for a moment, at a loss for words. You finally settled on, “I’m sorry. If I’d known you’d be here I wouldn’t have come.”
Wonwoo’s gaze darkened. “Why?”
“What?”
“Why wouldn’t you have come?”
It seemed so obvious to you. This was no longer a world where you and Wonwoo fit in the same room. Rather than answer his question, you took a wary step back.
“I should go home.”
“Absolutely not.” Wonwoo’s tone was firm. A bolt of indignation speared through you at his assumption you would still listen to anything he said. He seemed to notice the rebellion in your eyes because he insisted slowly, “You’re obviously drunk. Even if it wasn’t freezing outside you’re in no condition to walk yourself home.”
He was right, though you had no intention of telling him so. “Mingyu is waiting for me at the convenience store down the street,” you lied.
Wonwoo crossed his muscled arms over his chest, a slight smile quirking his lips. God, you’d forgotten how big he was. “Mingyu is playing spin the bottle in the living room with the others. If I’m not mistaken, he was trying to bargain his way out of kissing Jeonghan when I left.”
You just stared. What could you possibly say to that? He obviously knew you were lying.
Wonwoo sighed abruptly, his arms falling back to his sides in a fake show of nonchalance. You would have believed it if not for his hands clenched into white-knuckled fists at his hips. “Just go back to the party, okay? If you’re that uncomfortable with seeing me then I’ll leave.”
He turned to walk back towards the house and you surged forward before you could stop yourself. Your brain was still fogged with alcohol, but you were all too aware of your hand clasped around his forearm to stop him.
Wonwoo’s nostrils flared as he looked down at your point of contact, almost like he couldn’t believe you were willingly touching him. Or maybe he was disgusted by it, you couldn’t really tell.
“You don’t have to leave,” you insisted quickly, not completely sure why you bothered. “I’ll go. I’ll just call an Uber or something.” You offered him what you hoped was a reassuring smile. Perhaps it was the drunkenness still obvious on your face, but Wonwoo didn’t seem to believe you in the slightest.
It was at that moment the sky chose to release a very poorly-timed clap of thunder, the sound close enough to make your bones sing. You groaned inwardly. Thunder during a snowstorm was rare enough on its own—your nosebleed this morning had definitely been a bad omen.
Wonwoo’s face shuttered, suddenly resolute in whatever silent choice he’d made in his head. “That’s it.” He used the grip you still had on his arm to tug you back towards Chan’s house. “If you’re so dead-set on leaving, I’m driving you home.”
Panic closed your throat, tight and fast. “No.”
Something akin to hurt flashed across Wonwoo’s face. “You’re being ridiculous.”
“I’m not going to let you corner me in the car for some sort of stupid interrogation.”
Wonwoo wrenched his arm from your grasp quickly enough that you stumbled. He spun to face you, a muscle feathering erratically in his jaw. “Have you stopped to think that maybe I just want to drive you home because it’s cold and about to snow and you’re wearing fucking lingerie as clothing?”
That brought you up short. Fury crackled in Wonwoo’s eyes, the heat of it matched only by the fire in your own.
“Feeling possessive, are we?” You spat. “You have no right—”
“I guess I don’t, do I? You decided that all on your own.” Wonwoo’s words had lost some of their bite. You stared at him, your rapidly-sobering mind reeling as you tried to decipher his expression.
Sadness. That was sadness in his eyes. The fact that you were the cause of it made your heart swoop into your stomach.
“I’m sorry, Wonwoo.” You hadn’t meant to say the words, but there they were. His jaw flexed again at the sound of his name on your lips. “You… you deserve better than me. You always did.”
He shook his head before you’d even finished speaking. “No, I don’t.”
This time, when he took hold of your wrist to lead you back to Chan’s house, his touch was gentle. Somehow, it was a thousand times worse than the bruising grip he’d had on you earlier.
You walked together in careful silence, each of you too afraid to shatter the illusion of peace which had temporarily settled between you. One wrong move, wrong look, risked sending you into a screaming match.
You were only half surprised when Wonwoo strode past the walkway that led to Chan’s house, instead making for his car parked down the street. It was directly behind Mingyu’s. Your eyes flickered to the back of Wonwoo’s head where he walked a step in front of you. That would mean… he knew you were here when he arrived. He’d known you were inside and still chose to go in.
“I need to tell Mingyu that I’m leaving. He’ll throw a hissy-fit if—”
“I already did.” Wonwoo opened the passenger door for you, pointedly looking anywhere other than your face as you lowered yourself into the car. “I texted him the second you ran.”
Ran. Yeah, that little episode was going to be embarrassing tomorrow.
Wonwoo’s car smelled exactly as you remembered it. Woody and masculine, an undercurrent of your perfume staining the leather seats, even after all these months. Yet another sensory detail to break your heart.
You didn’t have to direct him back to your apartment building. He drove in silence, his fingers clenched so hard around the wheel his knuckles paled under the strain. You very deliberately ignored the way his forearms flexed as he drove, his sleeves rolled up to the elbow.
It was all too easy to pretend it was six months ago. The dark car, the scent of Wonwoo invading your nostrils, the careful silence; if you tried hard enough, you could convince yourself nothing had happened. It was just like old times—you had spent the night bothering Wonwoo at the bar, now he was driving you home and sneaking glances at you from the corner of his eye. There were no painful emotions save the secret yearning for one another neither of you wanted to express.
You cracked your knuckles nervously as Wonwoo pulled the car to a stop in front of your building. He leaned forward in his seat so he could peer through the windshield, his hands still clasped on the wheel.
“It looks the same,” he said quietly, almost to himself. “I don’t know why I expected it to be different.”
You swallowed thickly. “Do you… want to come up?”
He was quiet for a long moment. “I shouldn’t. I thought seeing you would help, but… fuck, I don’t know.” Wonwoo rubbed a hand over his jaw and glanced over at you, a strange glint of amusement in his eyes. “I was hoping that you were doing poorly, you know.”
“You were?”
“I thought it would make me feel better, to see you suffering. Turns out that backfired.”
You felt like a broken record, your only available words coming in the form of questions. “Why?”
“Because you aren’t suffering. You aren’t sick or ugly or depressed. You’re just…” You felt the stricken expression on your face without having to see it. “You’re still as beautiful as the day you left me.”
You closed your eyes. You were no longer tipsy enough to feel numb and with each passing second you questioned how you had managed to find yourself in this situation.
“Come up, Wonwoo. We can talk.”
He was shaking his head before you even finished speaking. “Just go. Please.” He flexed his fingers on the steering wheel, his knuckles a glaring white. “I’ll let Mingyu know you got home safely.”
Even if you wanted to move, you couldn’t. Your muscles locked, your hands folded tightly in your lap. Perhaps you subconsciously wished to prolong this stolen moment with Wonwoo as long as you could.
“If there were anything I could say to take your pain away, I would.” You could feel the scalding heat of Wonwoo’s gaze on your face without looking at him. “Just know that I’m sorry. I think I will be for the rest of my life.”
“Did you even have a reason?” His tone was abruptly harsher than before and you flinched. “We were doing fine. Better than fine, I thought. We had breakfast like normal, you went to work like normal, we were supposed to meet in the park for lunch, then–nothing. I got home and all your stuff was gone.”
Hearing it aloud like that, especially from his perspective… guilt gripped your throat like a vise. What you’d said a moment ago was all too true: there was no way to explain your commitment issues in a way that would make him feel better.
“I’m sorry,” you repeated weakly. There was a distant throbbing in your temples, a sure sign of your approaching hangover. You mercifully regained control of your muscles and shouldered the door open, frigid winter air prickling your bare skin. The scent of snow hung heavy in the air.
You had barely reached your full height on the curb when the sound of Wonwoo’s door opening and slamming nearly made you jump out of your skin. For what had to be the third time tonight, he grabbed your elbow and spun you around to face him. You tried not to cower at the way he towered over you, his expression nothing short of seething.
“Tell me why,” he hissed, his tone half pleading and half a curse. You opened and closed your mouth several times, unable to speak. What did he expect you to say? You could hardly think around the proximity of his face to yours—it had been over six months since the last time you were within kissing distance of Wonwoo. Now, the possibility was so dizzying you were struck dumb.
You stared up at him, wide-eyed. His face was a conundrum of sharp angles and delicate features, made harsher by the passion written across it. Maybe you were still a little drunk, because you lifted a hand to drift your fingertips across his cheekbone before you could stop yourself. You hadn’t realized how much you missed his glasses until this moment.
Almost like it was on instinct, Wonwoo’s eyes fluttered closed at your touch. His skin was fire-hot beneath the pads of your fingers. You were certain the two of you would look ridiculous to any random passerby but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. At some point one of his broad arms had encircled your waist, his forearm trapping you to his chest as you timidly explored his features.
Heaven. Touching Wonwoo was nothing short of heaven. And by some miracle, despite his fury with you, his hurt, he was allowing you to continue.
“I saw the ring,” you whispered, hardly more than a breath of air moving.
Wonwoo’s eyes snapped open. “What did you say?”
You swallowed. “That day at the park. I was walking up from behind you and… I saw the box in your hands.” His face further paled with each word that left your mouth. “You looked terrified and I… I couldn’t let you down like that.”
Wonwoo’s fingers curled around your wrist and pulled your hand away from his face, though he didn’t release you. And to your intense surprise, he began to laugh. It was a sharp sound, like he didn’t really find it funny at all, but you had no time to process the sound before Wonwoo crushed his lips to yours.
For a moment, you were simply frozen. Wonwoo’s mouth was starkly warm compared to the winter air around you, the feel of it as familiar to you as your own. Snowflakes had just begun to drift in the air around you, getting caught in his dark hair and eyelashes before turning to slush.
His hands moved so they gripped your hip bones, pulling you further into his heat. His jeans scratched against your upper thighs, and it was that sensation that made you realize you were kissing Wonwoo back. Your lips moved demandingly against his, your mouths and teeth and tongues dancing together. He kissed you like you were the cure he’d been searching for, you returning the fervor as if he were the very air you breathed.
Completely by accident, a whimper escaped your throat. The sound was tight and breathless, one you hadn’t made for anyone or anything since Wonwoo. He groaned low in his chest and it sent warmth pooling straight to your core.
You raked your cold fingers through his hair at the base of his neck. You enjoyed its length far more than you thought you would—like this, it was long enough to tug at the root and draw more pretty moans from him. You clenched around nothing each time he did so, your mind laser-focused on the hard length you felt pressing insistently into your lower stomach. It was another thing you’d failed to recall about Wonwoo—after six months of his absence, you severely doubted he would fit. It had taken months to adjust you to his size the first time.
Wonwoo bit down on your lower lip and roughly sucked, forcing another moan from you. It was intoxicating, kissing him. His large hands groped your ass, your lower back, your ribcage; no matter where he touched you, it was never enough for him. He kissed you with the desperation of a man starved.
Which was why when he abruptly pulled away, his lips kiss-bitten and expression wild, you unabashedly whined. Wonwoo stared down at you, his chest heaving. His hair was spiked in strange directions where you had run your hands through it, the top three buttons of his shirt somehow undone.
He averted his eyes at the same moment you did. You feared one wrong look would send you both back into the frenzy and a snowy sidewalk was not the place for it. Wonwoo met your eyes again, some unspoken words contained within them that you couldn’t begin to decipher. He looked like he wanted to throttle you as much as he wanted to kiss you again and, if you were being completely honest, you weren’t sure which you’d prefer.
Without another word, Wonwoo spun on his heel and marched back to the other side of his car. You silently begged him to hesitate—to turn back and pounce on you again. The part of your brain crazed by lust wanted him to take his anger out on your body more than you wanted to breathe.
He did no such thing. Wonwoo didn’t spare you another glance before he slammed the driver’s side door shut behind him and sped off, the car almost instantly consumed by exhaust and snowfall.
Later, you would not be able to recall how long you stood there, frozen on the sidewalk. You stared after him, your breaths shallow, until painful chills rose on your skin and your teeth began to chatter.
What the hell had you done?
~~~
You couldn’t sleep.
You tossed and turned for hours, met with the image of Wonwoo kissing you every time you dared close your eyes. The taste of him still lingered in your mouth, the feel of his skin tingling on the tips of your fingers. The new year came and went, and you realized that Wonwoo had wound up being your midnight kiss, after all.
It was close to 3:30 in the morning when you decided you couldn’t stand it anymore. Mingyu still wasn’t home—he likely wouldn’t be until after dawn, and you doubted you could take another second of the silence without him. You’d walked into your apartment alone and stone-cold sober, a fact which didn’t help with the empty ache in the center of your chest.
After finally managing to pull your feet free of the sidewalk, you hadn’t bothered to remove your party dress before you fell into bed. It wasn’t the most comfortable sleepwear in the world, but you’d been too dejected to mess with it.
You rolled out of bed, annoyance prickling the backs of your eyes. You knew you had no right to be frustrated, not after what you did to him, but you couldn’t understand how Wonwoo could just leave like that. The second he’d pulled away from you he looked as though he’d seen a ghost.
You left a living room lamp on for Mingyu and shoved your feet into a pair of tennis shoes, running your fingers through your hair by way of brushing it. You didn’t dare look at your reflection in the mirror as you shrugged on a coat—looking a bit unhinged was probably appropriate for what you were about to do, anyway.
The drive was quiet, only the sound of your car and the drifting snowflakes outside to keep you company. The roads were mercifully empty, for the most part, save a few stragglers making their way home after their own New Year’s Eve celebrations.
When you arrived at Wonwoo’s apartment, you sat in your car for what felt like an eternity, contemplating if you should risk going up or not. He probably wouldn’t be happy to see you—hell, you wouldn’t be happy to see you.
“Fuck it,” you whispered to yourself. You had to try. You’d regret it for the rest of your life if you didn’t. The walk to Wonwoo’s front door was mechanical, your body running on pure muscle memory. An odd sort of nerves quickened your heartbeat as you stopped on the mat. He hadn’t gotten a new one since you left. You had bought his welcome mat as a joke a year and a half ago, an ugly monstrosity that read I’ll only answer for Girl Scouts that he insisted wasn’t funny.
You knocked twice and stepped back, your arms crossed tightly over your chest. You should just go home. He didn’t want to see you again, that much was obvious from the way he left you earlier. Yet for some reason, you couldn’t force yourself to walk away.
You waited for long enough that you thought he wouldn’t open the door. Maybe he was asleep—the thought he wasn’t kept awake by the memory of kissing you the way you were sent embarrassment flooding your veins. You had just turned to leave when the door swung open, and all you could do was stare.
Wonwoo didn’t react to your presence, seemingly unsurprised to find you on his doorstep. His gaze was hard, faint shadows staining his undereyes behind his glasses. His hair stuck up straight on one side, a sure sign he had been tossing and turning the same way you had been. All the words that had been building in your throat during the drive here dissipated into nothing at the sight of him.
He wordlessly stepped aside to let you in and damn you if your expression didn’t crumple with relief. His scent enveloped you as you entered and your heart lurched. You stopped in the open kitchen and turned to face him, your arms still protectively crossed over your chest. He mirrored your stance, his gray sleep shirt pulled tight across his shoulders.
“I don’t know why I’m here,” you choked out at last. It wasn’t exactly a lie, you realized. You weren’t really sure why you had bothered to come here—the only thing you knew was that being in his absence felt akin to dying at the moment.
“You shouldn’t be,” he said flatly. The expression on his face was very carefully neutral, a sort of coldness that didn’t suit him at all.
Your heart sank. “I know. I’m sorry, I just… I’m so sorry.” You weren’t making any sense, but it didn’t really matter.
Wonwoo released a deep sigh and sank into a bar stool at his kitchen island. He massaged his jaw with a hand, his eyes flickering between your face and a point over your head.
“When you didn’t show up to the park, I thought the worst had happened.” His voice was tense and he hesitated. You held your breath while he collected his thoughts, trying your best to allow him room to think. “What if you had gotten into an accident? Or there was an emergency with Mingyu or your family and you couldn’t contact me? I had already started thinking about what my hobby would be in prison if someone had hurt you.” He smiled bitterly to himself.
“I got home and everything you had left here over the years was gone. I would’ve thought you were a dream if it weren’t for the smell of your damn perfume all over everything. Two weeks later I saw you walking downtown with Mingyu and Hao.” Your breath caught. You knew exactly which night he was referring to. Your friends had forced you out of the apartment when they tired of watching Dirty Dancing on repeat. “You looked… fine.” Wonwoo’s voice dripped with disbelief. “You laughed at something Minghao said and followed him into a bar. Why were you fine? How did you manage it so quickly?”
When you spoke, your voice was hoarse. “I didn’t. I was pretending, even tonight at the party.”
Wonwoo nodded distantly. “Me too. The second I saw Mingyu’s car I thought I was going to go insane. If you had brought someone else to Chan’s…” he cleared his throat. “I still can’t think about it. When I saw you inside I thought my heart would fall out of my ass.”
Despite yourself, you giggled. Wonwoo tossed a dirty look in your direction which you returned with a small smile. If only he knew.
“Anyway, I…” Wonwoo trailed off and reached into his pocket. Your heart ceased beating completely as he set a small velvet box on the counter between you. “Open it.” When you remained frozen, he urged softly, “Go on.”
After a moment of hesitation, you reached out. The crushed velvet was soft beneath your fingertips, warm from being in Wonwoo’s pocket for so long. You took a deep breath, held it, and at last opened the box.
Inside was a key.
You would have sworn in that moment the entire world came crashing down around you. The key was small and a burnished gold, Wonwoo’s apartment number engraved on the rectangular handle.
God, you were a fucking idiot.
Wonwoo cleared his throat. “Since you didn’t respond to any of my attempts to reach you, I couldn’t ask you what happened. I would have been able to explain myself to you.” He stood and approached you slowly, moving as if he wished not to frighten you. You only became aware your cheeks were glistening when Wonwoo took your face in his hands and wiped your tears away with his thumbs.
“I’m not ready to get married, baby. And I’d like to think I know you well enough by now to know you aren’t either.” Wonwoo took another deep breath, his eyes unreadable. “I was going to ask you to move in with me that day. I had no idea it would drive you to break up with me, though.”
Your teeth chattered, likely with nerves as much as the cold. You couldn’t believe what a fool you were. Even more than that, an ass.
Ever so slowly, Wonwoo kissed each corner of your lips, his hands still braced on your jaw. Gradually, beneath the heat of his touch, your jaw ceased its chattering. You remained perfectly still, not completely sure what you were supposed to do.
“Tell me,” he began lowly. “Are you really sorry?”
You nodded hastily. You wished there were a way to express it so that he would never doubt its truth. “I’ve never been so sorry in my life.”
“Do you even know how much you hurt me, baby?” Wonwoo breathed, his tongue ghosting over a tear that had escaped your eye before it could fall. A shudder worked through your body. “Mind if I return the favor?”
You froze. You had no idea what he meant, but you still didn’t move when Wonwoo’s lips pressed gently against yours. He kissed you softly, delicately, like you were something he would break if he wasn’t careful. If your kiss earlier had been fire, this was frost.
You kissed him back, allowing your arms to rest over his shoulders as you rose onto your toes for better access. Wonwoo watched you through hooded eyes as his tongue slipped into your mouth, exploring and tasting as if he hadn’t done it a thousand times before.
He pried the key from your cold fingers and set it gently on the counter without removing his lips from yours. You hardly noticed. Though Wonwoo was moving at an excruciatingly slow pace, there was a heat building in your stomach that demanded your complete attention.
Each time you tried to kiss him more intensely or grind your hips against his, he drew away. It was infuriating, this game he played, and after several minutes you released a shameless whine into his mouth. Your hands drifted from his shoulders and down his chest until your fingers found the hem of his shirt. He shivered when your fingertips ghosted across the muscled strip of skin below his navel.
Enough playing.
Your lips curled into a smile against his at the same moment you palmed his impressive length through his pants, already half-hard. It snapped whatever internal leash he’d been holding on himself.
In one swift movement, Wonwoo grabbed your ass hard enough to bruise and yanked you off the ground. You gasped sharply, your legs instinctively wrapping around his hips as he used one arm to sweep everything off the island behind you. He didn’t give you a chance to collect yourself before his lips crashed against yours again, far more demanding than before.
His tongue invaded your mouth with an urgency that drew short pants from your throat. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t seem to catch your breath. You barely noticed when he ripped his glasses off and tossed them onto the counter beside you. His hands were everywhere. In your hair, on your face, your throat—he shoved his fingers beneath your coat and yanked it off your shoulders, nearly popping a button in the process.
He groaned, the sound a near growl, when he saw your dress beneath it. He pulled away to admire you and you gasped shallow breaths, the sudden access to oxygen making your head spin. His long fingers toyed with one of the straps, simultaneously undressing you with his eyes.
“This fucking thing,” he muttered roughly. “Who did you wear this slutty thing for?”
God, you were so wet you could feel your slick halfway down your thighs. If Wonwoo pulled the hem of your dress any higher he would see. You breathed at last, “You, baby. Only you.”
Wonwoo made an appreciative noise and allowed his mouth to drift over yours, his lips parted just enough to allow your tongue past them. He gave you no warning before his hand dove beneath your dress. His fingertips pushed against your entrance over your panties and you writhed, not caring how desperate you seemed.
He took his time, much to your dismay. His fingers trailed over your slit, flimsy lace still separating skin from skin, and down your inner thighs. Wonwoo released a shaky sigh when he discovered how drenched you were, your only sign that he was exerting an insane amount of self-control not to fuck you. His thumb pressed down briefly on your clit and you jolted at the bolt of heat that speared through you.
His other hand lifted to grip the back of your neck, holding you in place as you squirmed. “God, I missed this,” he said into your mouth. “You think this pussy still remembers me?” You were so hyper-focused on his hand between your legs that you couldn’t manage to respond.
At last, his fingers nudged your panties to the side. Your body locked as his middle finger circled your soaked entrance once, then sank inside. You loosed a shuddering breath of relief at the sensation, your pussy tensing and unintentionally sucking his finger deeper. Wonwoo hissed with approval.
His eyes burned with lust as he began to pump his finger in and out of you, watching every micro-change in your expression through half-closed lids. You moaned readily for him, not only to motivate him to continue, but because after six months of celibacy your body felt like a live wire.
He smoothly inserted another finger with the first and you whimpered softly.
“You’re so fucking tight,” he growled, his voice so laden with desire he hardly sounded like himself. “You haven’t fucked anyone else, have you?”
You clasped the back of his neck in a hand, mostly to keep your shaking body from falling off the counter. “Never, no one else.”
Despite the show he was putting on for you, you felt Wonwoo’s body marginally relax at that.
Wonwoo moved his hand that was on your neck to your chest and forced your body down until you laid flat on the counter. His fingers increased their pace inside of you and curled, each thrust bumping your g-spot and drawing lewd moans from your throat.
He bent over you and tugged at the roots of your hair until you had no choice but to look at him. It was a monumental effort to keep your eyes open, especially when his thumb began moving over your clit in time with his fingers. “You will not cum, do you hear me?” He commanded softly. You clenched hard around his fingers. “Say it.”
“I won’t cum,” you gasped out. “I won’t cum, I swear it.”
Wonwoo’s answering smile made you whimper. “That’s my girl.”
He pulled his fingers out of you and shoved your dress up your body, barely giving you time to help him in getting it all the way off. You only half noticed the sound of lace tearing as he ripped your panties off you and, since your dress didn’t allow you to wear a bra, you laid on the counter completely bare to him in less than ten seconds flat.
Wonwoo pressed his hard length against your pussy, the roughness of his pants against your overheated skin making your eyes roll back into your head. His fingers curled around your throat and squeezed at the same moment he tapped your lower lip with the ones that had just been inside you. Your lips parted immediately and you fought the urge to gag when his fingers sank into your throat to the knuckle.
You sucked greedily, reveling in the deep flush that crept up Wonwoo’s throat and onto his cheeks at the sight. He was teetering on the edge of a cliff, you could tell. One wrong move and he would dive off of it.
You moaned softly as he sank to his knees and roughly tugged your hips further off the edge of the counter.
He pressed a kiss to the inside of your knee. “You’re going to take what I give you, do you understand?”
You knew better than to respond nonverbally. “Yes, sir.”
Wonwoo groaned deep in his throat and dragged his tongue up the inside of your thigh. He repeated the action on your other leg, eagerly cleaning any of your slick that remained there. You were quivering with tension, your body so tightly wound that you worried your muscles would snap.
When Wonwoo’s full lips at last closed around your clit you thought you would pass out. Your hand immediately shot into his hair, your nails scratching at his scalp as you wantonly moaned. He made expert work of you, his tongue licking several stripes up your slit and circling around your fluttering entrance.
You couldn’t even look at him for fear of cumming. The one time you did, you nearly plummeted off the edge. His eyes were closed, that same pretty blush staining his cheeks and climbing to his hairline. Wonwoo couldn’t stop moaning into you, the vibrations shooting up your spine and curling white-hot in your belly.
“You taste so fucking good, baby,” he cooed, his condescending tone completely at odds with his praise. “Even better than I remember.”
Your hips ground against his face, desperately seeking your orgasm even though he’d instructed you not to cum. Wonwoo plunged two of his fingers into your heat without easing you into it this time and you released a tight cry. The burn of the stretch was glorious; you had the thought that if he removed his fingers you might very well die. He scissored you opened roughly, any gentleness now out the window as lust clouded his brain completely.
You rocketed higher, your body shaking and pulsing completely out of your control. Wonwoo suckled your clit in tandem with his fingers pumping in and out of you, his pace so brutal that stars flickered behind your eyelids.
You whined defiantly, your eyes snapping open as he pulled his fingers out of you. His hand grasped your jaw hard, forcing you to meet his gaze. He met your furious expression with a saccharine smile.
“Be a good girl, now,” he said sweetly. He licked every bit of you off his fingers, obviously enjoying the way you panted at the action. Wonwoo pressed his lips to yours and pulled away before you could deepen the kiss. “You don’t cum until I say you can.”
Your head fell back onto the counter, your denied orgasm still thrumming through your veins. You saw now what he intended to do. You had hurt him, so he would hurt you. Wonwoo planned to draw this out as long as he possibly could, no matter how you begged.
You snapped back to attention at the sensation of his clothed cock on your center. Your eyes fell to your point of contact, both of you completely enraptured by the sight as your slick stained his pants. When you risked looking at his face, Wonwoo was biting his lower lip so hard you were surprised he didn’t draw blood.
He thrust against you gently, ever-so-slowly forcing you back up the climb to your orgasm. Wonwoo braced his hands on either side of your waist, the veins in his forearms bulging as his arms shook.
“You look so damn pretty like this,” he muttered, almost to himself. His cock strained against his pants, practically begging to be freed as he ground against you. If he wasn’t inside of you soon you were very sure you’d go insane.
You rolled your hips on him and he’d finally reached his breaking point. Anticipation thrummed through you as he yanked his t-shirt over his head, at last revealing his perfect torso. Even after all this time, you couldn’t believe the way he was built. His skin glistened with a light sheet of sweat, only accentuating his muscled pecs and abs.
He took one of your nipples into his mouth and sucked hard while he shoved his pants down his legs. Your fingers tangled in his hair again at the sensation, offering him whispered praises while he left a smattering of love-bites across your chest.
Wonwoo paid no mind to his hard cock as it rested on your pelvic bone, instead kneading your breasts in his large hands and showing your other nipple the same attention as the first. His hips thrusted, pushing his dick through your folds, almost as if the action was unintentional. The friction was driving you wild and you moaned for him, your orgasm just barely out of reach.
He continued sucking your nipple as one of his hands snaked between you, his fingers resuming their earlier effort to prep you. The thought made your mouth go dry. Not for the first time tonight, you wondered how your body would respond to his impressive size.
Just the scissoring of his fingers made you squirm, adrenaline and endorphins making your vision go hazy. This time, his denial of your orgasm was likely unintentional as he extracted his fingers from you.
He lined the head of his cock up with your entrance, stopping once it had fitted itself inside just enough to stay there. Your tight ring of muscle pulsed, desperate to have him inside. Still, he didn’t move, just staring at you as if he worried you would vanish into thin air.
Then he began to push in. And in. And in. You both gritted your teeth, pain and pleasure seamlessly mixing as he attempted to fit his cock into you. The months without him had not done well for your ability to accommodate him.
Tears stung behind your eyes and you released a half moan, half cry. “It hurts, Wonwoo.” Your fingers clasped the back of his neck, pulling him down until his face was just over yours.
He grimaced but didn’t look away from your face, seemingly enamored by your pained, blissed out expression.
“You can take it.” He pressed a swift kiss to the corner of your eye. So slowly, Wonwoo continued to work himself into you, thrusting gently and barely gaining any depth on each pass. You panted into one another’s mouths, both of your lips parted as pleasure consumed your bodies. It hurt like fucking hell, but you would be damned if he tried to stop.
All at once your walls gave way.
Wonwoo sank into you to the hilt, your hips pressed flush against each other. You released simultaneous sighs of relief at the pressure that was immediately eased. His forehead fell against yours and he let out a shaky, quiet laugh, obviously pleased at the way you managed to take all of him.
“Atta girl,” he whispered and rewarded you with another kiss.
He began to thrust and immediately that tight ball began to form again in your stomach. You moaned senselessly, recklessly, begging him to go deeper and faster and not to stop all in the same breath.
Wonwoo grunted with each thrust, the head of his cock knocking into your g-spot over and over again.
“So fucking tight,” he groaned in your ear. You clenched around him and he released his first true moan of the night. He had to be careful—the tight, wet heat of you had driven him to the edge of orgasm so fast he genuinely feared he would cum before you. It was obvious to you that he wouldn’t last long; his gaze was laser-focused on the spot he drove into you, that same muscle in his jaw spasming repeatedly.
“Wonwoo, please—” you raked your fingernails across his shoulders as you whined, if only as a way to ground yourself. “I want to cum on your cock, please let me—”
“Desperate, baby?” Whatever tone he’d tried to achieve in his taunt was lost by the pleasure laced through his voice. He increased his pace, thrusting into you hard enough that he pushed you further onto the counter. Wonwoo grabbed your ankles and threw your legs on his shoulders—he somehow reached even deeper in this position, deep enough you thought you might be split in half—
Your high began to crest out of nowhere—
Wonwoo pulled out.
You let out a terse cry, your walls fluttering around nothing as you mourned the loss of yet another orgasm.
“You fucking asshole—”
Wonwoo cut you off when he literally threw you over his shoulder and smacked your ass hard enough to sting. You protested the entire way to his bedroom, both pleased and a little concerned when you saw angry red lines where you’d scratched his back earlier.
He tossed you onto the bed and wasted no time positioning himself behind you. “When you cum—” he pulled you up by your throat so you were both on your knees, your back pressed tight to his chest “—I want you to land somewhere soft when you pass out.”
He entered you again in one smooth thrust, your walls now so drenched and plush that he sank in easily. Wonwoo thrust mercilessly, his pace brutal and hard and perfect. You ground your hips back into him, your hand rising to cover his where his fingers squeezed the sides of your throat with expert pressure. Your head felt light as a cloud, your vision swimming in and out of focus at the lack of oxygen.
Your head fell back onto his shoulder and his fingers found your clit, rubbing quick, precise circles onto the bundle of nerves. Your orgasm rose and rose and rose—surely you couldn’t last much longer.
Wonwoo pressed a fierce kiss to your brow and moaned in your ear as his thrusts became more erratic. “Cum,” he commanded.
And you were gone. Your orgasm streaked through you like a lightning bolt, your vision failing completely as your pussy clenched so hard that Wonwoo was forced to stop thrusting. He loosed a shuddering moan into your ear, raising goosebumps on your scalp, as he too found his release. He came inside of you in thick, hot spurts, his cum trapped inside your walls by the sheer girth of his cock.
Between your walls and his cock pulsing in response to the other, both of your orgasms were drawn out to the point of pain. Each time you began to come down, his dick twitched against your g-spot and started the process all over again. At some point, much to your embarrassment, you proved Wonwoo right when you slumped against him for several seconds, completely oblivious. He held you through it, whispering sweet praises in your ear and tracing gentle shapes over your bare abdomen.
At last, you both came back to earth. He pulled his softening cock out of you and you both whimpered at the sudden loss. For a long moment though, you just remained like that—both on your knees, his arms wrapped protectively around you as you caught your breath.
You turned your head and smiled softly into the kiss Wonwoo gave you. “Stay here,” he murmured. He was only gone for a moment, during which time you laid completely on the bed and basked in the post-orgasm bliss and the ache between your thighs. When he returned, it was with a warm wash-cloth and glass of water in hand.
He cleaned you up quietly as you drank the water he gave you. You couldn’t take your eyes off of him even if you wanted to. You were so completely enamored by the sight of him—surely there was no man more perfect in the world than this one.
“I truly am sorry, Wonwoo. There’s no excuse—”
“I get it,” he said, cutting you off. You swallowed thickly. “I just wish you would have talked to me. We could have avoided this whole mess in the first place.”
“I know. I want—I mean, if you want… Fuck.” You rubbed your eyes with the heels of your hands, frustrated with your inability to speak. “That is, if you’ll still have me—”
Wonwoo cut you off again, this time with a harsh kiss to your lips that almost left you moaning and ready for him again. He stared intensely into your eyes, the warm brown color of his bathing you in comfort.
“You’re mine, baby,” he said confidently. “That didn’t change when you ran away and it certainly doesn’t change now.”
You nearly slumped with relief. You shared an abruptly shy smile with Wonwoo which he returned, one only meant for one another. He glanced over at the clock on his nightstand that read 5:15.
He shrugged lightly, the muscles in his powerful shoulders shifting. “I think some people would consider this a good time for breakfast. Hungry?” You nodded lightly, unable to rid yourself of the smile on your face. “I think I have pancake mix around here somewhere.”
You greedily watched his bare ass as Wonwoo pulled on a pair of sweatpants and left his bedroom. When he returned, it was with your phone and his gray t-shirt from earlier. You gratefully pulled on the latter and accepted the thousandth affectionate kiss Wonwoo had given you tonight.
He left again to cook breakfast, leaving you to smile at the empty doorway like a lovesick idiot. You shook your head to clear it as you turned on your phone, waiting for it to boot back up.
You knew it would take time and patience with Wonwoo. You had hurt him in a way that many wouldn’t forgive, yet somehow you were lucky enough that he understood and loved you anyway. You truly hoped that when the day came for Wonwoo to actually propose, you wouldn’t react like such a goddamn coward.
The smell of pancakes filled the apartment as your phone finally lit up, among the living once again. Immediately, a string of texts filled your screen, all of which were from Mingyu. They varied in subject and capitalization, but the most recent three made you laugh out loud.
U so got laid, didn’t u?
So much for ur nosebleed being a bad omen
Fuck u for getting laid when I didn’t
“What are you laughing at?” Wonwoo called from the kitchen. You sighed contentedly and rolled over, tossing your phone to the other side of the bed.
“Nothing,” you responded cheerily. “I guess Jeonghan is a bad kisser.”
thank you for reading!! I hope you enjoyed this angsty wonwoo moment to start off your 2023, please leave a like or reblog to show support!
pairing: mafia boss!hyunjin x mafia boss!fem!reader
genre: some residual angst (very little), smut, sooo much fluff
words: 4.3k
warnings: explicit sexual content, bad language, these two are so stinkin' cute and I'm mad about it (even though I wrote them lol)
a/n: I can't believe this series is finally finished! thank you to everyone who has stuck with it, this au will always have a very special place in my heart. I hope y'all enjoy reading, please leave a like and reblog if you do!
part one here!
part two here!
part three here!
part four here!
You stared blankly into the mirror, taking in your appearance. To anyone else, you were certain you looked the same. Your eyes the same shade, your hair the same length, the small scars decorating your body still ever-present. But you could have sworn there was a newfound glow to your skin–a careful hope in your expression that never would have been there before. And, of course, there was the ring now glittering on your left hand.
Despite what anyone said, there was a freedom that came with revenge. An emptiness, too, though you weren’t keen on evaluating that sadness just yet. Even if you wanted to, the man who had just entered the bathroom door behind you chased any thoughts of it from your mind.
A sly smile crept across Hyunjin’s face when he saw you. His eyes roved over your body, drinking in the bikini you wore through the mirror. He strode forward as if he couldn’t quite help himself, his hands ghosting across your skin while you leaned into his bare chest. He, too, was dressed for the beach, his hair already crusted with seawater and wavy around his face.
Fiji looked incredible on him. You had only arrived here a few hours ago and his skin was already flushed with sun, the salty sea air making his lean muscles glisten with sweat. You couldn’t get enough of him.
You leaned further into his chest, allowing your head to rest on Hyunjin’s shoulder. “We made it,” you said, your voice no more than a sigh. He pressed a soft kiss to your temple, directly over the small scar where Mr. Chae’s blank had once fired.
He turned you in his arms so you faced him. You ran a fingernail over the long vertical scar in the center of his chest, the only physical evidence either of you had of that night. The scar had faded over the past four months, though it was still rosy and puckered compared to the skin around it. Hyunjin insisted it didn’t hurt, but you still found yourself being unconsciously gentle when you touched the area. He was completely healed now, aside from the mental wounds left on both of you.
You would never forgive Jihyo. It didn’t matter that she was gone–she had paid the blood debt she’d earned by murdering your father. Somehow, though, you felt that she had left this earth without atoning for attempting to murder Hyunjin, too. It was an itch you couldn’t quite scratch, but your therapist–one Felix had insisted you get–said the feeling would lessen with time. You weren’t so sure, but it didn’t hurt to hope.
Hyunjin seemed to notice the direction your thoughts had taken, because his gaze softened as he ran his thumb over your jaw. “I’m right here, Wife.”
You smiled despite yourself. “I can see that, Husband.”
“What do you say we blow off going back to the beach?” Hyunjin kneaded your ass in his hands, pulling your hips flush against his. Your skin flamed. “I think the guys will be fine building sand castles without us.”
You pretended to consider, pointedly ignoring the half-hard length you felt poking your lower stomach. That was how it always was, nowadays. Hyunjin had accepted your “no sex” challenge all those months ago, obviously convinced you would break before he did. You hadn’t. Even after the doctor had cleared him for sex, both of you had been too painfully stubborn to crack first. It made for a lot of cold showers and restless nights.
Now, the evening of your wedding day, the challenge had officially come to its end at a draw. Hyunjin had a half-crazed spark in his eye at all times, looking prepared to jump your bones at the drop of a hat. You were a little surprised he hadn’t bent you over the second the officiant declared you husband-and-wife.
At your silence, Hyunjin looked close to vibrating out of his skin. You shook your head coyly. “I want to go back to the beach. Lee Know and Seungmin will kill each other if we’re not there to mediate.” Your husband threw his head back and unabashedly groaned.
“Fine. I live to serve you, Viper Queen.” You swatted Hyunjin’s shoulder and he pretended to look wounded. He palmed himself through his swim shorts, grimacing. “I’m almost convinced you’re trying to finish what Jihyo started.”
“Not funny,” you griped.
Hyunjin threw his arm around you, grinning by way of answering, and led you out of the beach cabana the two of you had rented for your honeymoon. You greedily inhaled the warm air, scented with salt and brine, as you walked towards the water. Your residence was on the beach itself, much to your delight, and the second you stepped outside your toes squished between fine grains of white sand.
Just out of reach of the waves, indeed building sand castles, were Hyunjin’s Family. Your Family, you mentally corrected yourself. You couldn’t keep the grin off your face. Your heart felt full to bursting at the sight of them, the air filled with competitive shouts and screams when one of them sabotaged other castles.
You didn’t mind that Hyunjin’s inner circle had accompanied the two of you on your honeymoon. They were, after all, his personal protection detail, and yours now, too. Then there was the fact that they were your best friends, but you wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of telling them that.
You and Hyunjin weren’t acknowledged as you settled on the sand a few meters away, you between his legs with your back pressed to his front. Jeongin, foregoing stealth altogether, sprinted to Seungmin’s sand castle and kicked a turret over with a screech of joy.
Seungmin’s head whipped in your direction, his eyes wide with rage. “Did you see that?” He leapt to his feet and Jeongin only had a moment to look panicked before he turned and ran. “I am going to KILL YOU!”
Your laughs mixed with Hyunjin’s, low and warm in your ear. It was the most wonderful sound you’d ever heard. You settled further into your husband, still not able to quite wrap your head around the word.
You’d made it. Both of you. Not only were you in Fiji, the place you had spoken of as an impossible dream for years, but you were married. No longer enemies, no longer king and queen of rival empires, but the royalty of one. Your fathers, for all their sins and flaws, rested easy in their graves.
“Penny for your thoughts?” Hyunjin murmured in your ear. You shivered when his warm breath tickled your scalp, raising goosebumps.
“I’m thinking that I’m the happiest I’ve ever been,” you said without hesitation. “I’m thinking that our friends are idiots, but I love them.” You tilted your head to the side so your lips ghosted across his. “And I love you.”
He shuddered lightly. “I don’t think I’ll ever tire of hearing that.”
“GET A ROOM!”
You jumped but didn’t move away from Hyunjin at Changbin’s abrupt exclamation. You smiled into each other, certainly looking like a pair of lovesick idiots to everyone around you. It didn’t matter.
You were here, in Fiji, and for the first time in your life, you believed everything was going to be okay.
~~~
Seungmin, despite Jeongin’s attempt at sabotage, won the sand castle contest. He’d done a victory dive into the ocean, the rest of them following suit, while you cackled and took pictures. You stayed at the beach until dusk, watching the sunset with your Family and eating soggy sandwiches and fresh fruit until you were full to bursting.
The rest of the boys waved goodbye and offered parting hoots and suggestive hand movements when you separated for the night. They were staying in the cabana attached to yours, all seven of them crammed into the three bedroom house for the next two weeks. The only one who didn’t look elated about it was Lee Know.
You released a nervous breath when Hyunjin closed the glass sliding door behind you, blocking out his friends’ antics. You just stared at one another for a long moment, basking in the wonder of the moment.
“Convincing me to marry you wasn’t an elaborate scheme to murder me, was it?” You joked tightly. You had no idea why you were so nervous–it’s not like you hadn’t done this countless times with him before.
Hyunjin smiled, as always seeing your humor for what it was, and jokingly rolled his eyes. “Ah, yes, you’ve caught me. I still hate you and I’m going to kill you while I’m inside you.”
Your mouth dried slightly at his words but you snorted. “You’d have to catch me first.”
Both of you froze. You hadn’t intended to challenge him. You immediately caught your misstep when Hyunjin’s eyes darkened, a slow smile spreading across his face. Your core tightened, both with nerves and excitement as he ran his tongue over his full bottom lip.
“Run.”
You didn’t need to be told twice. You turned and bolted, an exhilarated giggle breaking from your chest when you heard Hyunjin’s footfalls pursuing you. You sprinted around the corner into the hall, nearly knocking a painting off the wall with your shoulder. Hyunjin was giggling too, the sound sweeter than any song you’d ever heard.
You catapulted into the bedroom and, though ending up in that location wasn’t completely intentional, Hyunjin snorted knowingly anyway. You scrambled over the massive bed until you were on its opposite side, bracing your hands on the mattress as you and Hyunjin stared at one another. You were both panting and out of breath from the chase, wide smiles of equal intensity gracing both of your faces.
You feinted to the side as if you’d try to run around the foot of the bed, taking advantage of Hyunjin’s lunge to climb across the mattress again. Unfortunately, despite your flawless battle tactic, Hyunjin didn’t fall for it. He caught you around the waist as soon as you were within reach, effortlessly pulling you down with him until you were flat on the covers, his body half-blanketing yours.
He gazed down at you, grinning and as out of breath as you were. Your breaths calmed, though your smile didn’t fade as you gently trailed your fingertips across Hyunjin’s cheekbone. His skin was smooth and warm, a pretty blush staining his cheeks.
By the time he kissed you, your nerves had quieted. You kissed him back at a languid pace, neither of you battling for dominance or fucking the other’s mouth like you usually did. This kiss was sweet and loving, a promise for a thousand more kisses like it over the decades to come. For once, the thought of spending the rest of your life with Hyunjin didn’t terrify you the way it once did.
Your skin heated against his, your peaked nipples scraping against the material of your swimsuit. You whined quietly when Hyunjin palmed your breast, simultaneously rolling his hips against your core. Your fingers dug into his ribcage then drifted down to his hips, urging him to increase the pace.
After nearly six months of celibacy, you thought you would go insane with your need for him. Hyunjin seemed to share the sentiment, because he loosed an unrestrained moan into your mouth when your hand snaked between you to palm his clothed length. He was already fully hard, an observation which sparked smug pleasure in your chest.
“Not going to run away this time?” He teased against your lips. His tone was strained, shaking with his need to feel you squeezing around his cock. If he wasn’t in your mouth or your pussy in the next five minutes his brain was going to melt out of his ears.
You just moaned instead of verbalizing a response, mostly because the sane part of your brain had already clocked out for the evening. You were going mad with need.
You rolled so you straddled him, pleased by the adoring look on his face as he gazed up at you. Your fingers found the tie at the back of your bikini top, taking your sweet time pulling it loose. Hyunjin growled low in his throat, an obvious command to hurry the hell up. You smiled to yourself as your top fell from you, baring your breasts to him. He wasted no time sitting up so he could suck one of your nipples into his mouth. You both groaned in unison, you at the sensation and he at the taste of your skin.
You ground your hips in slow circles on his lap while he doted on your breasts, switching between them when he felt compelled to do so. He thrusted up against your heat, eliciting moans from your chest. You were already cresting dangerously close to your orgasm and he hadn’t truly done anything yet.
You gently pushed him into a lying position by his shoulders and moved down his body, enjoying the way his eyes focused hard on your every movement. His pupils were blown so wide with lust that only a thin sliver of brown remained. You pressed openmouthed kisses to the skin between his navel and waistband, his knees, the inside of his thighs–you left a love bite anywhere your lips made contact.
He lifted his hips off the bed so you could slide his swimsuit down his legs and his hard cock sprang free, his arousal already gathering at the tip in thick beads. Your inner thighs clenched together, slick enough that you doubted he’d need to prep you at all before he fucked you. Just the thought of the stretch made you dizzy. You were somewhat surprised the two of you had made it this long without exploding.
You experimentally swirled the tip of your tongue across his head. Hyunjin’s hips jerked at once and he released a vulgar moan. He looked so pretty with his eyes screwed shut, his face and chest flushed, that you couldn’t help but moan lightly yourself. You wasted no more time before you wrapped your lips around his cock and hollowed your cheeks.
His fingers tangled in your hair, and you weren’t sure whether he was trying to make you go faster or stop you as you bobbed your head on him. Hyunjin moaned senselessly, his balls already spasming in your hand every few seconds. Each sound he made fueled you to go faster, harder, so intent on making him cum that you could think of nothing else. You willed your throat to relax and ignored your gag reflex with a vengeance when his cock slipped in deeper.
Yet, for old times sake, you released him just as his orgasm threatened to break. Hyunjin didn’t seem surprised, but it didn’t stop him from loosing a frustrated groan when your mouth rose off his cock with a lewd pop. You smiled lazily up at him as he glared down at you, his chest heaving. Even if you didn’t know him so well, you would have known he was close by the tremor in his limbs alone.
You pressed a wet kiss to the inside of his thigh. “Color, Mr. Hwang?”
Hyunjin yanked you onto the bed with enough force that you yelped. You were beneath him in less than a second, his body half-blanketing yours. He shoved your bikini bottoms down your legs and split you with two of his fingers, sinking inside you to his knuckles. You clenched around him instantly, so ready for him that you saw stars the second his fingertips brushed against your g-spot.
He let out a shuddering breath into the shell of your ear at the feeling of you around his fingers. “Green, Mrs. Hwang. And you?” He thrusted his hand for emphasis, his thumb pressing gently on your throbbing clit. You captured his mouth with your own in answer. He didn’t reprimand you for not answering verbally–he was too far gone with desire to bother. Hyunjin just moaned into your mouth at your eagerness, his tongue exploring yours with the hunger of a man starved.
His fingers increased their pace, pounding into you hard enough that all you could do was yelp. Your leg hooked over his, your hand clasped hard around the back of his neck for stability. He watched your face through heavy-lidded eyes, a muscle in his jaw feathering each time you reacted to his movements.
You were lost in sensations. At some point you stopped kissing him, instead pulling him until his forehead pressed against yours. Your lips still touched as you panted into one another’s mouths, catapulting so quickly towards your orgasm that you could barely open your eyes.
“Gonna cum?” His taunting question was weakened by his breathlessness. He was completely enamored by you, by every change in your expression and sound that came from your pretty lips.
“Yes yes yes, please don’t stop–” you chanted. He obeyed, his hand thrusting into your center at a pace that had your knees shaking. His thumb drew tight circles over your clit, knowing exactly the way you needed without having to tell him. Hyunjin was so focused on your pleasure that he didn’t think to edge you as you had him. Instead, he moaned with you as your high crested over you in a merciless wave.
You clenched hard around his fingers, your arousal coating his hand. He didn’t slow his movements, rather attempting to work you through your orgasm as long as he possibly could. After months without this, without him, your body felt like it was consumed by fireworks. He whispered rough praises into your ear as you came down, his hand at last slowing in time with the fluttering of your walls.
The second you were able to form a coherent thought you crushed your mouth against his. Even after the orgasm he had just gifted you, you were nowhere near done. He made a surprised noise into your mouth as you rolled, stopping when you were straddled across his hips.
He traced a gentle finger across the curve of your breast at the same moment he licked the fingers on his other hand clean of your arousal. He held your gaze until every last drop of you was gone. You shuddered, certain your face was dark with lust by the gleam of anticipation bright in Hyunjin’s eyes.
You ground your hips in hard, slow circles over Hyunjin’s cock. Between his wetness and yours, his length slid easily through your folds. You groaned in unison as you rocked back and forth, his tip barely catching in your entrance on each pass. When at last you couldn’t take it anymore, you lifted so you could fit his head into you.
He gripped your hips with bruising force, holding you in place above him. “I’m not going to last long,” he admitted shyly, his voice shaky. You offered him a predatory smile, allowing your intentions to shine on your face.
You slammed down onto him before he could say anything else. Hyunjin’s head kicked back into the mattress, releasing a whine that had your walls clenching again. You stilled, your muscles locking from the shock of taking all of his impressive length so quickly. Neither of you could manage to speak, silently attempting to adjust to the fit without cumming too soon.
When you’d reached your limit, you said through clenched teeth, “Color?”
“Just–” Hyunjin gasped, his eyes closed “–give me a moment.” If you so much as breathed wrong he was going to cum. Somehow, over these months, he’d managed to forget how incredible your tight warmth felt around him.
After what could have been seconds or minutes, Hyunjin exhaled deeply. “Green, baby. Do your worst.”
Thank god.
You lifted until just the tip of his cock was inside you and slammed back down, the stretch making both of you gasp. It didn’t hurt as much as you anticipated, thankfully, and that realization was the only permission you needed to let go. You rolled your hips on him faster, harder, tight whimpers escaping your throat with every stroke. You trailed your hand over the scar on Hyunjin’s chest, pleased at the goosebumps that rose on his skin from the contact.
Hyunjin couldn’t seem to get a grip on himself. He jerked and moaned beneath you, seeming torn between closing his eyes and watching your breasts bounce above him. He sat up abruptly, his hands holding your ass while his mouth found your nipple. He sucked hard, as if to ground himself to reality, and you tugged harshly at the roots of his hair.
He effortlessly flipped you over without removing himself from you. The pace he began was ruthless, far swifter than the one you had set a moment ago. You raised your knees until they were nearly pressed against your chest, allowing him deeper between your walls. Hyunjin’s head fell into the junction between your neck and shoulder, and you groaned when you felt his teeth lightly clamp down onto your skin.
His hips began to stutter, their rhythm losing their usual grace. You grinned at the ceiling, your nails digging harshly into Hyunjin’s shoulders. “That’s it, baby,” you breathed, your impending orgasm taking your breath away. You chased it with lethal focus, your need to cum shuddering through your entire body. “Cum, pretty boy.”
Hyunjin groaned heavily into your hair, raising chills on your scalp. His body locked and he froze, unable to continue thrusting as his high raged through him. The sensation of his cock pulsing inside you pushed you over the edge. You came together, each twitch and pulse only drawing it out longer. He began to lightly thrust again, using your heat to draw every last drop of cum from him.
You tried and failed to catch your breath, tracing the lean muscles in his back as he gradually relaxed on top of you. Hyunjin’s weight was comfortable, his face still hidden in the crook of your neck.
You winced when he removed his softening cock from you, predictably mourning the sensation of being full the second it was gone. Hyunjin gazed down at you with nothing short of adoration on his beautiful face, his cheeks reddened and hair sex-crazed. You smiled softly, allowing your fingertip to trace the shape of his jaw.
“I love you,” you whispered.
Hyunjin kissed you gently, reverently, as he drew you into a sitting position. “And I you.”
He left the bed to retrieve a warm washcloth and some water. His process of cleaning you up was just as sensual as his foreplay, a fact which had you aching for him again far too soon. You shared the water, giggling like children each time you made eye contact.
Hyunjin sighed contentedly as he curled around you, pulling you snugly against his warm chest. You allowed your eyes to fall closed beneath the weight of him, pleased at your ability to relax in his presence.
“We just had sex in Fiji,” you giggled. It still seemed so surreal to you. What you had thought to be your life’s mission was over, and you had come out the other side unscathed and with a husband, of all things. All that was left in front of you were possibilities.
Hyunjin chuckled in your ear. “And we will again.” He pinched your ass for emphasis, eliciting a small squeak from you.
It seemed impossible that the two of you had survived so much in such a short amount of time. You were sure that there would be more dangers to come, given the sort of life the two of you led, but the thought of them didn’t scare you as they once had. Whatever life threw at you, you no longer had to face it alone.
Hyunjin’s Family had a saying, one that meant the Hwang legacy would survive even after the world turned to ash around them. You were the Viper Queen, one of the last surviving members of your bloodline, and you were fiercely loved by a man who stroked the embers in your soul until they turned to flame.
Yeah. You were going to be just fine.
Hyunjin’s lips ghosted across your temple like his thoughts were in line with yours. You turned your head so you could look at him, all too aware your eyes were glistening. His gaze softened as he returned your small smile.
“I’m very glad you’re not dead,” you said quietly. Hyunjin had said something similar once, after you survived your encounter with Mr. Chae. Only now could you understand the overwhelming relief he must have felt back then when you lived.
“So am I. You’re terrifying when I’m not here to check you.” His tone was teasing, though he certainly wasn’t wrong. You were a force to be reckoned with on your best days.
You laughed. Randomly, you remembered that your bedroom bordered the cabana your friends stayed in next door. Hyunjin followed your gaze to the wall and he grinned.
“Think they heard us?” He joked, pulling your body further into him. You both jumped in surprise at the two firm knocks that sounded on the other side of the wall. There were several long moments of shocked silence.
You both dissolved into giggles. They had most definitely heard. Embarrassment surged through you in a rush, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. You could only imagine how red Felix’s face was right now.
It didn’t matter. You were happy, and you had earned it. Through heartache and pain and struggle, you had battled your way to this moment. Your giggles finally subsided and you stared at Hyunjin, basking in the way he gazed back at you. He was yours, as you were his, and no one in the world could take that away.
“Until the ashes,” you murmured. Hyunjin looked near-glowing with happiness. He pressed another fierce kiss to your brow.
“Until the ashes, Mrs. Hwang.”
they finally got their happy ending 🥹 thank you again for your support during this series, please leave a like and reblog if you enjoyed reading!
taglist: @midnightchanis, @aerastus, @a-person-with-void, @xhazmania, @coquette-amor, @lenfilms, @cyder-puff, @mongnara-deactivated20220818, I'm sorry to those of you it wouldn't allow me to tag!
pairing: mafia boss!hyunjin x mafia boss!fem!reader
genre: angst, smut (MINORS GET BACK 🤺), enemies to lovers, some fluff
words: 9.2k
warnings: explicit sexual content, bad language, DETAILED AND EXPLICIT VIOLENCE, blood, death (I'm sorry in advance), guns, poison, knives, I'm sorry if I left anything out but I don't want to put too much because of spoilers hehe
a/n: SURPRISEEEEE! part four is here y'all! I hope she lives up to your expectations, I am so endlessly thankful for your support and patience throughout this series. there will be an epilogue posted soon (I swear)!
read part one here!
read part two here!
read part three here!
⚠️ THERE IS DETAILED VIOLENCE AND DEATH AHEAD. READERS PLEASE BEWARE! ⚠️
Hyunjin was fucking exhausted.
He traced the rim of his water glass with his index finger, collecting condensation until it slid down the glass in thick drops. His father droned on, saying something about alliances and new threats they’d received and god knows what else. It was something he had come to expect from these lunches—his father would speak at him, rather than to him, about the family business Hyunjin was to one day take over. Conveniently forgetting, however, that Hyunjin had no intention of doing so.
Not that he reminded him.
“Are you even listening to me?”
Hyunjin’s eyes snapped to his father’s face, abruptly alert. “Of course.” He offered what he hoped was an aloof smile. “Our people are loyal, if only for the money we stuff into their pockets. I’m not worried.”
His father didn’t look so sure. He appraised Hyunjin coldly, taking a bite of his lunch as he did so. Hyunjin didn’t mind, not really—at this point, he was used to it. No matter what he did, he was always one step behind, just barely falling short. It had bothered him when he was younger, but not anymore.
The elder Hwang said at last, “Your mind is elsewhere. Why.” Not quite a question, though Hyunjin pretended to look confused anyway.
“I’m with you, Father. Until the ashes.”
It was a saying in his family, one that went back more generations than Hyunjin cared to count. It went beyond simple family relationships, though that was how Hyunjin chose to wield it in this context. When blood ran in the streets and the world burned, only the Hwang legacy would remain standing in the ashes.
His father nodded, momentarily appeased. In actuality, Hyunjin guessed discussing the legal side of the family business wasn’t why he had called his son to lunch. The… unsavory bits were always far more interesting.
He risked saying as much. “Why are we really here, Father? You haven’t brought me to this restaurant in over a year.” It was true. His father favored this place because of the tight-lipped staff as much as the excellent food.
Hyunjin watched him carefully as he waited for his response, analyzing his body language to pass the time. Tense, a bead of sweat gathering in his hairline. Interesting.
“I need you to take care of something for me.”
Hyunjin fought the urge to scoff. He knew exactly what that phrase meant. You’re going to kill someone tonight, son. He waited for his father to continue in silence, his interest completely waned now. It had been weeks since the last time Hyunjin saw him, months since they held an actual conversation, and this was what he wanted?
“The Others are growing too powerful for my liking. They’ve assumed control of the redlight district.” His father continued speaking but Hyunjin inwardly rolled his eyes. The “Others”, as he called them, were the one other organization whose power rivaled his own. Hyunjin didn’t know all that much about them, to be honest, except that they were bloodthirsty and known to incite passion within their ranks unlike anything he’d ever seen.
When Hyunjin zoned back in, his father was casually saying, “But the father isn’t my priority. I’m far more interested in the daughter.”
Hyunjin raised a brow. “And that’s because…?”
“They call her Viper Queen.” Hyunjin must have looked interested, because his father smiled knowingly. “Intriguing, isn’t it? She’s only your age, yet her reputation precedes her in a way that empties rooms before she even enters a city. She’s where the true power lies.” Hyunjin understood perfectly what his father was asking him to do. Her, he’d actually heard of. Kill the girl, take down the organization from its epicenter. Easy enough.
“Consider it done.”
His father rewarded him with a small smile and—there it was. The reason Hyunjin continued to do as he asked. Continued to attend every lunch his father called, even when they always went the same way. Somewhere in there, beneath the King façade, was his dad.
The elder Hwang called for the check and Hyunjin rose from his seat, understanding his dismissal. He resisted the urge to crack his knuckles, the only sign of his nerves that ever accidentally slipped through the mask.
There were no goodbyes. Hyunjin turned on a heel and stalked out of the restaurant, finally letting the act fall once bright sunshine bathed his face.
Killing her would be easy, he thought to himself. The idea nearly bored him to death. Hyunjin couldn’t know, of course, that he had just been tasked to kill the girl destined to stand beside him in the ashes.
-
You woke to lips on your skin.
You sighed contentedly, allowing your fingernails to scratch lightly at Hyunjin’s scalp as he left a trail of kisses across your bare stomach. Pale morning light streamed through the curtains, the air in your hotel room balmy and humid the same way it had been last night.
“Good morning,” you murmured sleepily. “Sleep well?”
Hyunjin hummed in affirmation and gently pushed back the covers until your lower half was exposed, his mouth drifting across your waistband. You shivered despite the comfortable temperature, your skin instantly sensitizing as his fingers dipped beneath your satin sleep shorts.
You lightly pulled Hyunjin’s hair by the root until he was forced to look at you, his eyes hooded with lust. “We have things to do,” you chided him softly.
“Things can wait.”
You giggled quietly as he pulled your shorts and panties down your legs in one go, leaving kisses along the inside of your knee as he went. It was strange, acting this way. Being like this with Hyunjin, after all the time and heartbreak that had passed. In all honesty, you didn’t mind it, though that was a thought you preferred to keep to yourself.
It had been two months since the night at the casino. Two months of hunting and research and stress, all finally coming to a head now that you were in Australia. The man who had killed yours and Hyunjin’s fathers was here, you were sure of it.
Also in those two months, you still hadn’t responded to Hyunjin’s proposal. Though you were certain it bothered him, he never asked you about it. You were grateful—for now, this was easier. It was hard enough getting used to the sex between you not being fueled by hatred.
All thoughts eddied from your mind when Hyunjin planted a kiss to your panties, directly over your clit. Unexpected fire surged through you, pooling in your core and begging to be freed.
You made eye-contact as Hyunjin licked a path up your clothed slit, his eyes darkening at the whimper you released. His long fingers tugged your panties to the side and easily found the sensitive bundle of nerves yearning for his attention. They rubbed slow figure eights over it, Hyunjin seemingly unconcerned with the way your hips rolled and bucked beneath his touch.
He lowered his head until his lips made contact with your heat. Your vision blurred as his tongue fucked itself into you, the tensed muscle causing you to whine and tug harder at his hair. Just when you had reached the precipice of your high, Hyunjin’s mouth and fingers switched places.
He suckled your clit as his two middle fingers dove eagerly into you, crooked at the perfect angle to bump your g-spot on every thrust. You moaned recklessly and increased the pace of your hips now rolling with more urgency on his face.
“That’s it, come on baby,” he murmured against you, his words muffled. “I’ve got you.” You couldn’t think too hard on that part. The idea of relying on anyone, even Hyunjin, made your fight-or-flight response flare.
Regardless, your orgasm crested through you in a white-hot wave. Your muscles locked as your walls fluttered sporadically around Hyunjin’s fingers, inadvertently sucking them in deeper.
When you finally came down, Hyunjin was smiling lazily up at you. For reasons you couldn’t begin to explain, your first response was anger. He seemed to notice the change in your expression and had the good sense to look nervous as you pushed him into a sitting position with your hand to his throat.
You climbed into his lap until you straddled him, pleased by the hard length you felt prodding insistently at your core. Hyunjin sucked his lower lip into his mouth when you ground your pussy against his clothed dick.
You pressed a soft kiss to the side of his throat, taking note of the thundering pulse you felt below your mouth. “What was that for?” You breathed, enjoying the goosebumps that rose on his skin in response. All the while, you continued to rock your hips on him.
“Because I love you,” he gasped breathlessly. You stilled momentarily. Oh, how you wished he would stop saying that. It didn’t matter that he found a way to say it to you at least once a day—it was as if, because you hadn’t yet accepted his proposal, Hyunjin was convinced you would somehow forget his feelings for you.
Rather than respond directly to his words, you said, “What’s your color, pretty boy?”
Hyunjin shivered. “Green. Very, very green. Neon, even.”
You giggled breathily and lifted your hips off of him just enough to allow him to shove his pants off his hips. His cock sprang free, an intense shade of red and so hard it stood up straight. You pumped him with your fist, savoring the husky moans that escaped his throat.
When you at last sank down onto his length, you both released shuddering sighs of relief. The stretch was incredible, just barely tinged with the pain of overstimulation as you lifted your hips and dropped back down. Hyunjin’s gasps turned sharper and his forehead fell against your chest. His lips found your nipple as you continued to ride him, your fingernails digging into the tops of his shoulders.
No words could describe the way you adored being on top. Especially with Hyunjin. You had to fight for any shred of dominance during sex, but your best chances of success were typically during moments like these—stolen first thing in the morning, exploiting the way sleep still clouded his mind.
You pushed him until he was lying flat on the bed, your hand still braced at his throat. You dared to squeeze the sides and clenched hard around his cock at the way Hyunjin’s eyes rolled back into his head. Oh yes, even when everything else was difficult, this—this always made sense to you.
You picked up the pace, rapidly rolling your hips on his until you were both whining messes. Hyunjin’s long fingers wrapped around the wrist that held his throat, preventing you from releasing him. You couldn’t bring yourself to be embarrassed by the wet sounds your bodies produced, instead using them as fuel to push you closer to your orgasm.
When you began to tire, Hyunjin’s hands found your waist and used his grip as leverage to control your movements. He forced you to ride him faster, harder, moaning nonsensical praises each time your walls fluttered around him.
After what could have been minutes or hours, Hyunjin’s body locked beneath you. “That’s it—yes, atta girl…” His eyes screwed shut, pretty lips parted, as he quivered and came inside you in thick spurts. You sighed shakily at the sensation of his warm cum, the feeling finally making you plummet off the edge again.
You didn’t rise off him until you were both spent, post-orgasm bliss relaxing your muscles and overstimulation tingling between your thighs. Even then, you didn’t go far. Your head was tucked into the junction between his chest and shoulder, your limbs hopelessly tangled with his on top of the covers. For a while, you just enjoyed the steady beating of his heart beneath your ear.
Two months had passed since Mr. Chae gave you information that changed everything you thought you knew, but you were glad that this, at least, stayed the same. You and Hyunjin had spent as much of your waking hours together as possible without raising suspicion. Eventually you’d had to come clean to Jihyo about the nature of your relationship with your rival, and after that the time you spent together only increased.
Hyunjin whispered again that he loved you, almost to himself. Your heart squeezed painfully in your chest. You wondered sometimes if one day you would say yes to Hyunjin’s proposal, if you would return the three words he offered you so freely, but there was one thing he refused to admit.
Love was weakness. And weakness only ever resulted in pain.
You were ratcheted from your self-reflection when a loud banging sounded on the door. Both of you shot upright immediately, producing guns from god knows where and training them on the door in one second flat.
“Come on, you fuckin’ incubi,” Changbin’s loud voice filtered through the barrier and you and Hyunjin relaxed simultaneously. You were more than a little impressed that Changbin even knew what an incubus was, let alone the plural form of the word. “We’ve got a location.”
You froze. Hyunjin levelled a hard look at you, his mask of death now set firmly in place once again. Only for a moment, you mourned the loss of the man he’d been moments ago. It was a version of him he would let no one see but you.
“Chan wants us ready to go in thirty,” Changbin continued when neither of you answered. At the continued silence, Hyunjin’s friend huffed in annoyance and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like morons before his footsteps faded down the hall.
You met Hyunjin’s eyes again, certain that you expression mirrored the one on his face. Without warning, your lover flashed a vicious smile.
“It’s showtime.”
-
You decided, with no level of uncertainty, that you hated the weather of the Southern Hemisphere. Your group had arrived in Australia less than 72 hours ago and you were already sick of the incessant sun. It beat down on you without mercy and, when combined with the thick humidity, made your light tank top stick to you like a second skin. You licked the ice cream cone in your hand and tried your best not to look like you wanted to murder someone.
Somewhere down the street, a child’s peal of laughter drew your attention. You couldn’t spot the source of the sound through the dense crowd, but you appreciated the sight in front of you, regardless. The street was a riot of color, flags and banners and tapestries of all shapes and sizes fluttering lightly in the breeze. People milled between buildings, their high, charmed voices filling your ears as they browsed merchants’ stalls. It was market day in this particular subdivision of the city and you were convinced you’d never seen such a lovely sight in your life. It almost made the heat worth it.
It had been a long time since you’d left the city you reigned, let alone your home country. And though you were here on a mission, it was a welcome reprieve to get away from your regular life. No one here knew you as Viper Queen. People actually smiled at you. And they didn’t even look like they were pretending!
You licked your ice cream again, only slightly agitated that it was beginning to melt down your hand. What was taking so long? You felt like you’d been standing on this street corner for hours, though it couldn’t have been longer than twenty minutes.
A man shuffled into your peripheral vision, his arms laden with trinkets that looked very near to falling on the ground. You raised your eyebrows but Jisung just offered you a wicked grin.
“Do I even want to know?” You sighed.
His smile didn’t falter. “I may have gone a little overboard, but this stuff is really cool. Jeongin dared me to buy a Ghost pepper, but then he actually ate it—”
“You realize we’re not here to shop, right?” He didn’t seem perturbed by your interruption. Jisung just shrugged and, before he could manage to say anything else, his attention was dragged to Lee Know approaching from your other side.
Lee Know, unlike his companion, held a permanently stoic expression on his face. He wordlessly offered a paper bag to Jisung for his treasures and stood motionlessly to your left, his hands folded behind his back.
After a moment you couldn’t stand the silence anymore. “Anything?”
“No word. We’ll know when he does.”
You fought the urge to roll your eyes and lost. “Oh good. Your constipated expression made me think someone died.”
Lee Know didn’t laugh at your teasing, but the small smile he gave you was as good as you were going to get. You had a sneaking suspicion that he still hadn’t forgiven you for the time you had spent away, not that you could blame him. Hyunjin may have told his inner circle about the misunderstanding regarding his father’s death—specifically your lack of involvement in it—but you understood why some of them were unwilling to immediately welcome you back with open arms. At the end of the day you were still their enemy, even if it was only by title.
You finished off your ice cream and casually licked the remnants from your fingers. Perhaps not the most ladylike you’d ever been, but you thought the whole concept was stupid anyway.
You nearly jumped out of your skin when an arm snaked around your waist. Hyunjin leaned down so his lips were nearly pressed against your ear and whispered, “If you keep doing that I might just fuck you against this wall.”
Your hand fell limp to your side as you gaped at him. Not only for his crass greeting, but also for the fact you hadn’t heard or seen him approach at all. You really needed to sharpen your skills if you were getting this rusty. Next to you, Jisung pointedly groaned.
Hyunjin offered you a small smile, one that was only for you. Your stomach twisted. He seriously had to stop acting like that. The urge to turn and bolt was tremendous.
You managed to piece your thoughts back together long enough to say, “Anything?”
Hyunjin’s smile vanished, the mask he so often wore firmly back in place. He nodded tightly and moved his sunglasses from the top of his head to the bridge of his nose. To any passerby, you would look like any other group of tourists enjoying the market.
“I still can’t figure out the bastard’s name, but I figured out where he operates. There’s a warehouse near the beach—abandoned to the public, but his operation apparently still uses it as a base.”
Your chest tightened further with every word that left Hyunjin’s mouth. It was almost difficult to focus on what he was saying around the adrenaline pulsing through your skull. Had you really done it? After all these weeks of gathering intel and searching, had you actually managed to find your fathers’ murderer?
“His guys are everywhere but they’re easy to spot,” Hyunjin continued. “Most of them have a tattoo under their left ear—a scorpion.” He must have noticed the look on your face, because his fingers brushed your forearm in an attempt to comfort you. “The intel is good this time. We have every reason to believe it’s him.”
You took a steadying breath, then another. Down the street, Felix and Seungmin were admiring a tapestry in one of the stalls, oblivious to your galloping heart. Jisung had managed to wrangle Lee Know into a conversation about one of the keychains he’d bought, which the latter was being a good sport about. Changbin was certainly off somewhere terrorizing innocent bystanders.
Around you, your friends were at ease. Happy, even. And one word from the man beside you, you knew without a doubt every one of them would charge into battle by your side.
At last, you looked up to meet Hyunjin’s eyes. Even through his sunglasses, you could see the warmth in them. The assurance.
You allowed a predatory smile to creep across your face, one which Hyunjin returned. He remained still, patiently waiting for you to smooth your frayed nerves and give the command.
“Let’s go,” you said at last. You started down the street immediately, a thrill passing through your blood when you felt more presences gathering at your back. You weren’t sure where they all came from, or how exactly they knew it was time, but all seven of Hyunjin’s inner circle flanked the two of you as you broke through the town limit.
The moment you were out of earshot of the crowds, Hyunjin beckoned Chan to join him at the front. You tried not to look at him as he did, not wanting to draw attention to your already suspicious-looking group. As much as you tried to look like tourists, the nine of you stuck out like a sore thumb.
“Tell me.”
Chan didn’t need to gather his thoughts before he responded to his friend’s command, rattling off intel like one of the computers he so favored. “Home base is on the beach, an old shipping yard. Looks like it’s been abandoned for years, but I picked up a ping around 3 AM on the radio tower I tapped.” You took repeated, steadying breaths as Chan spoke, only taking comfort in your father’s pistol tucked safely in the back of your waistband and the dagger strapped to your thigh. “No incriminating info, unfortunately, but Jihyo is monitoring the feeds back at the hotel.”
You felt a brief pang of appreciation for your friend. Luckily it hadn’t taken much convincing to get her to accompany your group to Australia—all you’d had to do was promise her one uninterrupted day at the beach. If you were being honest with yourself, you had needed at least one other female presence in this godforsaken sausage-fest.
Hyunjin nodded to himself. “Were you able to find any chinks in their system?”
At this, Chan grimaced. “Honestly… no. It’s some really sophisticated stuff they’ve got going on and all my good equipment is back home.” Hyunjin didn’t appear phased by this, but his attention shifted when Felix stepped forward.
“I found something, though.” He looked at you as he spoke, his eyes darting to the small scar on your temple from where Mr. Chae’s blank had fired. You sighed inwardly. No matter how many times you threatened to beat the shit out of him, Felix refused to stop blaming himself. “I heard a few seconds of radio chatter when we were getting ready to leave. I couldn’t tell exactly what the conversation was about, but it’s like they’re preparing for something.”
“Then we hit them before then,” you interjected smoothly. Changbin made an appreciative noise behind you, apparently pleased at the cold violence in your tone. God, that guy had issues. “Jeongin, where’s the safe house you set up?”
The youngest of Hyunjin’s friends smiled cheerily and jabbed a thumb over his shoulder. “Seven blocks that way.”
“Good. We go there and prepare. Does two hours sound good to everyone?” Your question was met with a chorus of silent nods. You met Hyunjin’s eyes, his expression once again matching your own. An approving light shone in his eyes, one that sent heat swooping low in your stomach.
Hyunjin took your hand and, for once, you didn’t shy away.
“Let’s go kill a bastard.”
-
You spent the next two hours preparing the best way you knew how. Fucking Hyunjin.
This time, unlike the one this morning, was anything but gentle. He fucked you upright against a wall, hard and fast and completely unyielding. You were both aware that you were expelling anxiety by using one another’s bodies, but neither of you could bring yourselves to care.
Each time he made you cum was a way of forgiving your sins, each of your kisses over his brow a silent declaration of forgiveness for everything that came before. A kiss for all the pain you had caused one another, a kiss for the pleasure you would hopefully get to experience together after tonight.
That was the thing about battle, you supposed. The before was always the worst part. You couldn’t seem to convince yourself this was just a mission—recognizing it as anything other than war felt wrong.
Ten minutes before your group was to infiltrate the shipping yard, you had all gathered in the living room of the house Jeongin had somehow acquired. You didn’t bother to question how he’d done it—the kid had a way of doing things you were sure he didn’t want to know.
The place had already been stocked with weapons and ammunition and blueprints, courtesy of the few guys Hyunjin had brought along that were outside his inner circle. Per your request, Jihyo had remained in the hotel where it was safe. You didn’t want you friend anywhere near what was about to go down.
You couldn’t lose anyone else.
It was with that thought in mind that you took your time looking around the room, spending a moment on each of the faces around you. These were some of your best friends, once upon a time, before everything had gone to shit. It seemed odd that you had only met because of Hyunjin’s failed attempt to murder you a couple years ago, but beggars couldn’t be choosers.
Jeongin, Felix, and Chan would stay behind at the safe house, monitoring what they could of the shipping yard remotely. Changbin and Lee Know would be the only ones to enter the facility with you and Hyunjin, Seungmin and Jisung preparing the getaway plane elsewhere in case things went to shit. Even so, every life in this room was at stake tonight. If any one of you were compromised trying to get to this bastard, the rest would likely spend the rest of their lives on the run.
The thought must have made you shake, because you felt Hyunjin’s hand ghost over your lower back. Comforting you. You still couldn’t wrap your head around the idea.
“Everyone’s ready?” Hyunjin asked calmly. You admired the steadiness of his voice—no matter what display of bravery he was putting on for his Family, his hand was tremoring where it rested on your back.
“Hell yeah, boss.” Changbin slashed a grin.
Hyunjin returned his smile. “Until the ashes, my friends.”
Every one of his friends returned the saying, their tones steady even with the varying expressions on their faces. Tears prodded at the backs of your eyes and, not for the first time tonight, you prayed to every god out there that these people would live to see sunrise.
And even as you crouched on the border of the shipping yard half an hour later, the stone in your gut still hadn’t settled. The last sliver of sunlight had just slipped beyond the horizon, one side of the sky still stained a watercolor of pink and orange and red while the other writhed with stars.
Your vantage point sat at the top of a hill, allowing you an unobstructed view of the rusted compound below you. Abandoned, indeed, except for the dozen floodlights spread out across the property. You watched through narrowed eyes, trying and failing to spot any movement below. The lights meant people should have been milling around, preparing like Felix had spoken of, but there was no one.
“Your best entrance point is right in front of you, ten o’clock.” Chan’s voice filtered through your earpiece, and you knew without looking that your companions had heard the same instruction. All four of your gazes snapped to the line of shipping containers at the bottom of the hill, positioned in a way that blocked out most of the floodlights and led directly to the massive building at the center of the compound.
Too easy.
“Anything on the radio?” Hyunjin breathed. Neither of you risked looking away from the enemy possibly hiding in front of you, instead finding solace in your shoulders pressed snugly together.
“Not much,” it was Jeongin who spoke this time. “As far as I can tell they don’t know anything is up. They’re down there somewhere.”
Somewhere, indeed, but where?
The next voice that came through your earpiece belonged to Felix. “Don’t forget why you’re there. The second you kill their boss, every alarm in hell is going to be raised. You get the fuck out of there before then, okay?” You would have believed your friend anyway, but his warning was made all the more serious by his foul language. You smiled to yourself, just a little proud.
“Don’t worry, guys,” you whispered, your lips still subconsciously quirked upwards. “I have no plans to die tonight.”
“Goody.”
Without another word, your group began the steep trek into death.
-
There wasn’t a fucking soul in the shipping yard. It was too quiet, dangerously so, a sign which you understood usually meant a gun was lurking around every next corner. But there was nothing. Not a soul.
You searched the grounds for the better part of an hour, eventually signaling silently to Hyunjin that you needed to spread out in order to cover more ground. You could see in his eyes he didn’t want to, but he thankfully took your order without vocalized protest.
If you were honest, you weren’t too keen on leaving him either, but that moment was a highly inappropriate time to prioritize sentimentality.
The next hour prowling through shipping containers, even risking so much as to venture inside the building at the center of the compound, yielded as little as the first. You regrouped with your friends in the same spot you’d crouched scouting hours before, each of you sharing a confused expression of resignation.
“What’s the plan?” Lee Know intoned quietly. His face, of course, looked shockingly similar to the mask of neutrality he usually wore.
Hyunjin, for once, was truly at a loss for words. You were sure no one else would be able to tell except you—he carried it in the set of his mouth, the delicate line drawing his eyebrows together. He said anyway, “This doesn’t feel right at all.” You were inclined to agree. There was a heavy weight settled in your gut that felt suspiciously like being watched. Hyunjin continued tightly, “You two stay here, wait to see if anyone returns. They could have known we were coming and temporarily moved their operation off-base. She and I will go back to the house, talk to the others in person.”
Changbin looked inclined to argue, but you rushed before he could speak, “It’s a solid plan. Chan might have picked something up over the radio, Jeongin could have been tipped off by one of his birds—there’s no way to know securely unless we speak in person.”
Your support of Hyunjin’s order quieted your companions. Even with the camaraderie of Hyunjin’s Family, there was still a distinct chain of command to follow. Though you weren’t technically an official part of their group, you severely outranked them.
“They’ve been quiet a while now.” Lee Know tapped the subtle earpiece tucked into his ear, referencing your friends back at the house. You’d noticed about an hour ago. Of course you had—you had firsthand experience with Felix’s inability to keep quiet during covert missions. The lack of chatter was eating away at your insides like poison.
“Go,” Lee Know continued. “At least to make sure the house is secure. We’ll radio if we find anything.”
Hyunjin nodded, his mind already elsewhere. “If no one shows up in the next thirty minutes, you follow us back.”
“Hopefully we’ll get to knock some heads before then,” Changbin added, his tone almost bitter at the fact there hadn’t been bloodshed yet. He was seriously psychotic. You loved him.
“Until the ashes,” Lee Know muttered.
Taking that as your cue to leave, you turned your back to the shipping yard and started into a brisk walk, Hyunjin close at your heels. You both had your guns drawn, holding them subtly at your sides. You used your free hand to pat your leather-clad thigh, ensuring your dagger was still there.
It was the same one you had once carried when you snuck into Hyunjin’s club, intent on stealing 100 million dollars from under his nose. It hadn’t exactly played out the way you thought it would back then. You had trouble believing that the same dagger was now with you as you stalked through city shadows, Hyunjin watching your back for unseen threats.
Hyunjin. The man who had been your first in almost every regard. Your first kiss, your first time making love, then your first fuck. Your first love. He’d raised the stakes when he asked you to marry him and still, after all these months, you were lost as to how to answer him.
You were comforted in the knowledge that you had time. You and Hyunjin had years—decades—to figure one another out. For reasons you couldn’t fathom, he continued to pursue you each time you ran. He nursed your wounds and challenged you, both in your stubbornness and to be better than the day before.
When you finally reached the house, you instantly knew something was wrong.
Everything looked unchanged. All the windows were dark save the one leading into the kitchen, exactly as you’d left it. The black van your group had rented for equipment was still in the driveway, completely untouched. Yet for some reason, the hairs on the back of your neck prickled and stood straight. Adrenaline pulsed slowly in your veins, steadying your hands as you cocked your gun.
Hyunjin shared the sentiment. His face was hard and unyielding, the opposite of the raw expression he’d worn when he was inside you this morning. He raised his gun and jerked his head to the left, indicating that you were to split and circle the house. You obeyed without question, having already decided on the same plan yourself.
You melted into the shadows, your gun raised unflinchingly in front of you. The house was achingly quiet. You hardly dared to breathe, each step calculated as to not crack the twigs or rocks lining the path beneath your feet. Only once, you attempted to radio Lee Know and Changbin and were met with deafening silence. You couldn’t rid yourself of the gnawing suspicion that someone had sabotaged your radio frequency.
Nothing. Not a single sign anything was amiss with the house. You regrouped with Hyunjin at the back door, the same look of frustration written across both your faces.
“Were you able to contact the guys?” You asked, your breath a harsh whisper.
Hyunjin shook his head, worry still creasing his brow. You resisted the urge to smooth the line away with your finger. “Nothing. Just static when I try to radio any of them.”
“This is not good.” You were stating the obvious. Resolve gripped you with such force your stomach clenched. If anything had happened to your friends… there would be hell to pay, that much was certain.
Wordlessly, Hyunjin tried the back door. It swung inward on silent hinges, the interior of the house dark save the artificial yellow light bleeding from the kitchen. Silent. So dreadfully silent.
You entered first on silent feet, Hyunjin following swiftly behind. Neither of you dared call out for your friends. You checked the house with bated breath, painstakingly clearing each dark room before finally making your way to the lit kitchen.
You stopped in the open archway where carpet met tile, your blood freezing into icy shards in your veins.
On the kitchen floor laid your friends, each sprawled sideways as if they'd been knocked unconscious from behind. At least, you hoped they were just unconscious. You couldn’t see any blood but, in truth, your eyes were drawn immediately to something else.
In the middle of your friends, unscathed and smiling, was Jihyo.
-
You almost dropped your gun to your side in relief. Almost, if not for the empty smile gracing Jihyo’s beautiful face.
“You made it,” she said cordially. “I was beginning to think you’d never show.”
Your mouth worked several times, unable to form words. At last you choked out, “What are you doing here? You had orders to stay at the hotel.”
Jihyo scoffed, the sound more dismissive than she’d ever dared to use with you. It was an effort to keep yourself upright. Hyunjin stood unmoving at your side, his gun still drawn and unwavering where it trained on your oldest friend. Unlike his, your weapon was violently shaking in your hands—at this rate you were more likely to miss her if you fired.
“Orders,” she repeated you mockingly, her smile widening. The sight made you nauseous. Until five minutes ago you would have said without hesitation that Jihyo was the most beautiful woman you’d ever seen. Now, her grin warped her face until something shamelessly evil stared back at you. “I suppose the one good thing about you getting too close is that I’ll never have to obey your orders again.”
You didn’t need to ask what was going on. Your gut had sunk to record lows, your insides biting at you like they were intent to get outside.
It was Jihyo. All of it.
You voiced as much. “You’re Mr. Chae’s boss.”
“Was,” she corrected unhelpfully. “You killed him.”
Hyunjin spoke at last. “He killed himself. He was so afraid of betraying you that he shot himself in the head.” His voice was so cold he hardly sounded like himself, venom dripping from his words. “Don’t you dare put that on her.”
Jihyo shrugged. “Semantics.”
Your heart felt like it was fracturing in your chest. Jihyo, your friend.
Your father’s killer calls themselves your friend. You had feared Mr. Chae was speaking about Hyunjin, or another one of the boys—not Jihyo. Never Jihyo.
The only sound you managed to produce was a strangled, “Why?”
“At first it was money, then I got a better offer for more money… Well, you know how it goes.” Jihyo casually sucked her teeth, thinking, like she wasn’t actively killing you with each confession. “The boss of the foreign mob that recruited me was murdered, ironically, and I took over. Decided he had the right idea, only I actually had the balls to carry it out.”
It made no sense. Someone didn’t pretend to be your best friend for over a decade solely for money. Did they?
“What else?” You bit out.
Jihyo smiled knowingly. “So clever. Always so clever.” She sighed deeply, like what she was about to say actually pained her. “In truth, I started to resent you. I have now for years. Working for your family, even since my childhood, and never being treated the way I knew I should be. Because I am clever too. But you, and especially your father, were content to keep me a fucking personal assistant until I became bone dust.”
“So you killed my dad?” You hissed, finally enraged. “And Hyunjin’s? Did you ever even think about just asking for a promotion?”
“That’s not how our world works and you know it. You rise through bloodshed alone and hope to god none of it is your own.”
You trained your gun directly between Jihyo’s eyes with renewed strength, fueled by your fury and the presence of the man standing beside you. Unflinching. Unwavering until the ashes.
Jihyo sighed again, the sound grating in your ears. “I knew it would come to this, one day. I didn’t think it would be like this, though.” She toed the nearest body on the floor beside her, Felix’s head limply lolling with the movement. Mercifully, he released a quiet, shuddering groan. It was the most beautiful sound you’d ever heard. Hyunjin, like you, seemed to wilt slightly at the knowledge his friend was still alive.
“I can’t let you leave this place,” you said through gritted teeth. “Not after everything.”
The smile on Jihyo’s face returned, rattling you to your soul. “Oh, you sweet, stupid girl. You truly have no idea who you’re dealing with.”
A brutal, piercing sound ricocheted through the air. You nearly dropped your gun so you could slap your hands over your ears, though the damage had certainly already been done. Your eardrums rang, a peculiar wetness pooling in the shell of your right ear where blood flowed.
You had no idea when Jihyo had drawn the gun. It had happened so fast you didn’t register the glint of gunmetal until the shot had already been fired. Several seconds passed, during which time you looked around, confused. It looked like nothing had happened, but Jihyo was still grinning with a peculiar glint in her eyes as she casually pulled foam earplugs out of her ears.
Then you looked at Hyunjin, expecting to see the same confusion on his face, and your entire world buckled around you.
He was staring downward, his extraordinary face now slack with disbelief. He had dropped his gun to the floor, the clatter of its fall masked by Jihyo’s shot. Hyunjin watched the blood spread across his chest as if he didn’t feel it at all. He at last looked up and met your eyes, uncertainty and… and fear shining in them.
Hyunjin fell to the ground. Someone screamed. Possibly you, but you couldn’t be sure.
You fell to your knees beside him, your ears still ringing loudly enough that you couldn’t make out whatever Jihyo said next. You dragged Hyunjin into your arms, aimlessly running your hands over him as if you could find something to fix. His blood was hot, so hot—certainly hotter than any blood you’d had on your hands before. It burned like acid everywhere it touched you.
Hyunjin gasped shallowly, unable to get a full breath around the bullet lodged somewhere in his chest. His eyes searched yours, panic shining in them as he struggled to speak. Terror like you’d never known gripped your heart, your throat—it clouded your vision until you couldn’t see around the tears.
“Jihyo, why–” you sobbed, your shaking hand pressing hard on the bullet wound in Hyunjin’s chest. “Please, please, you can’t leave me baby–”
Jihyo just stood there. She stared down at you emotionlessly, watching as the love of your life took his final breaths.
“It’s only business. You would know that better than anyone, Viper Queen.”
You couldn’t even bring yourself to cringe at the title. When you realized the bleeding in Hyunjin’s chest wasn’t going to slow, you moved your blood-soaked hand so you could stroke his face. You left streaks of crimson across his forehead, his jaw, his skin deathly-white beneath it.
He had stopped struggling. Hyunjin just stared up at you, his eyes glassy. “Don’t leave me, baby, please–” you moaned quietly. “Not you, too. Please, please–”
You were only half-aware of Jihyo approaching. Barely noticed the sound of her thumb pulling the gun’s hammer back again. That was fine. It was fine. If Hyunjin was going, surely it wouldn’t be so bad for you to go too.
“I love you,” you whispered, only for his ears. “I’ll marry you. Of course I’ll marry you. I’m a goddamn fool for not telling you sooner.”
Hyunjin’s eyes widened, unseeing. It was the only signal that he’d heard your confession.
“You have to stay, baby. I’ll wear the big stupid dress and the ring. I’ll let you paint me flowers every day and I swear I’ll try not to kill your friends.” You laughed weakly, though nothing was funny. Jihyo stopped behind you. The cool press of metal permeated your hair, sending chills skittering like beetles over your skin.
You pressed a shaking kiss to Hyunjin’s bloody forehead, savoring the sounds of his weak breaths and fading heartbeat.
“Now, Lee Know,” you half-whispered, half-sobbed.
You didn’t care when your friend swiftly stepped around the corner, gun already raised. Couldn’t give a shit when his silenced gun fired, the bullet landing in Jihyo’s thigh and met with a blood curdling scream. You just held Hyunjin, smiling softly down at him in an effort to ease his fear.
Jihyo stopped screaming, instead whimpering in pain and horror when Lee Know and Changbin entered the kitchen, wearing identical expressions of icy rage.
You allowed yourself one second to inhale as deep a breath as you could manage. “Get him to a hospital. Now. I don’t care what traffic laws you have to break,” you ordered tightly. “Take Hyunjin yourselves, do not let him out of your sight, and call Seungmin and Jisung to come get the others.” Neither of your companions questioned you, instead moving simultaneously to obey. Both their expressions would have made a Navy SEAL shit themselves on a good day, but they were made worse by the genuine fear that also lingered there.
It took an extraordinary amount of effort to release Hyunjin from your arms. You did, your movements jerky, if only because every second you delayed risked losing him forever in death. You swore to every possible supernatural entity that you would burn down the hospital if the doctors let him die.
Changbin effortlessly scooped Hyunjin into his arms, wincing at the contact with his friend’s blood. You met his eyes, aware of the emptiness in yours, and he nodded in Jihyo’s direction. “She’s all yours, Viper Queen.” There was no teasing in his use of your title. Just cold respect, along with a command of his own. A request for a blood debt to be repaid. You nodded once.
“I’m right behind you,” you whispered in farewell.
You kept your eyes locked on Hyunjin’s heartbreakingly still frame until they vanished from sight. You stayed there for what could have been hours, though surely it was no more than a minute, just kneeling in Hyunjin’s blood on the floor.
Finally you stood, taking the time to stretch your tight neck and shoulders. You approached Jihyo, no longer shaking. Now, you only exuded death. Jihyo had the good sense to look afraid when you kneeled next to her.
“Do you know why they call me Viper Queen?” You asked, your voice a strained sort of friendly. It didn’t matter that your façade wasn’t really working—Jihyo knew exactly why you’d been given your title. Genuine terror flared in her face when you drew your dagger and she attempted to scramble away from you. You dug the hilt of the knife into the bullet wound in her thigh and she froze with a sharp cry.
“Inland Taipan venom,” you continued lightly. “I coat the blade in it before every mission, every fight. It’s a ritual at this point.” A forced laugh. “The most venomous snake in the world—not a viper, but it doesn’t roll quite as easily off the tongue, does it?”
“If you kill me,” Jihyo rushed, “you’ll have no friends left. You’ll be alone.”
There was a beat of silence before you leaned in and sneered into your former friend’s ear, “I have eight of them.”
Before she could speak again, you lightly drew the blade across Jihyo’s unmarred thigh, leaving a shallow scratch directly over her femoral artery. It didn’t take much, you’d come to realize over the years. A frustrated cry bubbled from Jihyo’s throat and you winced despite yourself.
You unsteadily rose, abruptly exhausted, and sank into one of the kitchen chairs. It wouldn’t be long now. You resigned yourself to keep an eye on her until then—make sure she didn’t attempt to harm your remaining friends, still unconscious on the floor.
So you released a pained breath and settled in, patiently waiting for your former best friend to die.
-
Hyunjin was asleep for three weeks.
He was lucky, the doctors said. So lucky… Could have struck an artery… One centimeter higher… Who did you say you are again?... The words bled together until your brain was a convoluted pool of word-soup.
You stayed by his bedside at all times, refusing to leave except to use the bathroom and eat, on occasion. A thousand emotions thundered through you every second of every day, the largest of which being guilt. If he died…
You didn’t allow yourself to think about it.
Hyunjin wasn’t allowed to die. You forbade it. The bastard had to marry you first. Because even after everything, after the initial shock and grief and trauma had died down, you realized it was something you still wanted. A seemingly obvious truth that had been yanked out of you by the Reaper itself.
When Hyunjin at last opened his eyes, you were on the phone in the hallway. Felix had all but fallen through the door, almost hitting his head on the frame as he did so. You’d known immediately what was the cause of such alarm and hung up on your guys at home without so much as a second thought.
The next few hours had been a blur. Explaining to Hyunjin that his inner circle were fine—Felix, Chan, and Jeongin had been knocked out by a heavy sedative but were awake and lucid within two days. Jihyo was dead, a fact which Chan very kindly voiced for you when you couldn’t get the words out. Her organization had already been liquified, their assets evenly reallocated between yours and Hyunjin’s Families. There were countless other tiny details Hyunjin demanded to know, though you couldn’t remember them now.
He hadn’t mentioned your frenzied acceptance of his proposal while he laid dying in your arms, and you couldn’t decide whether to be relieved or worried. He hadn’t forgotten, had he? Something held you back from bringing it up yourself—likely because he couldn’t walk on his own without turning the color of a corpse.
So, four weeks later and back in your own city, you waited in careful silence for the right moment to bring it up.
You were sprawled in Hyunjin’s bed, delicate morning sunlight drifting in through the curtains. The man himself was tucked around you, his breaths deep and even and very much alive. More and more these days you lost sleep over a simple catch in his breathing or stutter in his heartbeat. It wasn’t good for your health, certainly, but you were so terrified of losing him in his sleep that you couldn’t bring yourself to miss a moment.
Currently, however, Hyunjin was trying to worm his way into your pants.
You giggled and firmly—but kindly—pushed him back until he was a respectable distance away from you. “Step on the brakes there, hotshot. You still have a week until we’re cleared for sex. Doctor’s orders.”
Hyunjin groaned dramatically in your ear, sucking on the lobe for emphasis. You fought the urge to moan. “What do doctors know? I think I might die if I’m not inside you in the next five minutes—”
“No, you freak.” You flicked his nose affectionately and he frowned. “I’m not letting you die for one last hurrah.”
“But I’d die so happy.”
“Uh-huh. You say that until you go into cardiac arrest,” you glanced at his chest pointedly, trying not to grimace at the long vertical scar now puckered in the center of his chest. Evidence of a lifesaving surgery that he would carry with him to the grave.
At last, that seemed to appease him. He released another frustrated groan and rolled onto his back, the evidence of his arousal tenting the sheets draped over him. You bit back a smile. You turned so you were laying on your side, your head propped on a hand as you traced his scar with a fingernail.
“How about this?” You tried to keep the lust out of your voice, you really did, but it didn’t quite work the way you wanted it to. “As soon as we’re cleared, I’ll suck you so dry you won’t want to have sex again for another two months.”
Hyunjin released a loud, staccato laugh that continued into a fit of giggles so intense he wheezed. When he finally managed to calm himself, there were tears of laughter in his eyes and heartbreaking affection on his face.
He pressed a gentle kiss to the tip of your nose. “God, I love you.”
Your heart soared. Nowadays, saying the words was almost as easy as breathing. “I love you, too.”
You laid there in comfortable silence for a long time, just listening to the birds sing outside the window and watching the sun make its steady trek across the sky.
“So,” Hyunjin began, softly tracing abstract shapes on your shoulder. “When do you want to have the wedding? I’m thinking summertime.”
You shot upright in bed, your eyes near bugging out of your head. “What?”
Hyunjin grinned. “I remember what you said loud and clear, baby. The voice of an angel beckoning me back to life, pleading with me to stay so I could marry her—” He barely had time to deflect the pillow you hit him with.
Your cheeks were painfully warm, but you reeled in the foreign nerves in your stomach as quickly as they appeared. “I meant it. I still do. I’m sorry I was such an idiot about it for so long, but I… I want to spend the rest of my life belonging to you.”
“You weren’t an idiot. You needed time—I don’t know how anyone could fault you for that.” Hyunjin pulled you back down so you were laying with him again, his arm wrapped securely around you. You felt safe and… protected. It was strange. “I’m a little upset it took me nearly dying to get you there, but hey, beggars can’t be choosers.”
You laughed, open and free. When you’d quieted, all that was left was you and Hyunjin staring at one another, adoration shining from your expressions in equal measure. When he kissed you, it was firm, powerful, but somehow soft in a way that told you he wanted to kiss you in this moment solely because he could.
You settled into one another, feeling more at peace than you had in years.
“I think we should get married in Fiji,” Hyunjin said quietly. You perked up at that, excitement stealing your breath.
“It feels right, doesn’t it?” You hummed. Feeling abruptly brave, you allowed your hand to drift down Hyunjin’s abdomen, appreciating the hard ridges of his abs that hadn’t faded during his time healing. He froze instantly.
“What about doctor’s orders?” He hissed through his teeth, lust glowing like embers in his eyes. You smiled and bit your lip, toying with his waistband.
“I have a challenge for you, pretty boy.” You planted a soft kiss on his full lips, pulling away before he could deepen it.
“Hm?”
You palmed him through his pants and smiled at the way he whimpered for you, somehow already hard and ready to go.
“How do you feel about waiting until marriage?”
part five (epilogue) here
AW HELL YEAHHHHH!!! part four baby!! please keep an eye out for the epilogue coming soon, I pinky swear it will be nowhere near as intense as this one. I know I said it already, but I am seriously so grateful for everyone who has read and loved this story! you guys rock fr!! PLEASE LET IT BE KNOWN THAT I LOVE TWICE AND JIHYO THANK U GOODNIGHT
taglist: @midnightchanis, @aerastus, @a-person-with-void, @xhazmania, @coquette-amor, @lenfilms, @cyder-puff, @mongnara-deactivated20220818, I'm sorry to those of you it wouldn't allow me to tag!
a/n: y'all, I CANNOT get stray kids off my mind 😵💫 in an effort to get my brain to stop rotting, here's some fluff. is this an original idea? definitely not, but I wanted to give my two cents on this trend!! please like or reblog if you enjoyed, bye loves! - j
bang chan -> second chance
chan has some of the most comforting energy in the world. maybe you had a bad experience with relationships in the past, or your outlook on romance just wasn't great to begin with, but if there is anyone to change your mind, it's him. he would be so caring in a relationship, he constantly does everything in his power to show you exactly how special you are to him. when you met he intimidated you because of his looks and the way he carried himself, but as you got to know him you realized that he is kind to a fault and will always have your back, no matter what. not to mention, of course, he's a total dork.
rest of the members below the cut!
lee know -> brother's best friend
you were really not supposed to have a crush on your brother's best friend of who knows how many years, but how can anyone blame you when he looks like that? he teased you mercilessly growing up, but as you aged you found that your fake-hate relationship turned into something more. it would probably start with lee know sticking up for you when your brother starts his usual jokes at your expense, which would definitely get a few weird glances in his direction. eventually it turns into late-night adventures, laughing until you pee, pranking your other friends, and hoping with everything you have that your brother isn't mad when he finds out.
seo changbin -> enemies to lovers
we'll put it mildly and say that you and changbin did not like each other when you first met. you were constantly annoyed by everything he did and you agitated him to no end, and you became comfortable in your mutual dislike for one another. that is, until changbin kissed you during a game of truth or dare at a party. you both realized at the same time that, hey, maybe hatred isn't actually what you've been feeling this whole time. it's that push you need to start up a careful friendship, but neither of you can deny the genuine romantic affection that begins to grow between you. and when he finally asks you out officially, he is, without a doubt, the sweetest and most devoted boyfriend you've ever had.
hwang hyunjin -> forbidden love
you were never supposed to love hyunjin. yet no matter what you did, the two of you were drawn together like moths to a flame. you would be constantly terrified of other people finding out about your relationship, but somehow he always manages to put your fears at ease with his genuine kindness. hyunjin is the type of boyfriend to pick you flowers on the side of the road simply because they made him think of you; paint you abstract versions of your eyes or hands just to get you out of his head. a relationship like yours is unavoidable, no matter how hard you try, and you can only hope love will be enough once other people find out.
han jisung -> fake relationship
when he approached you on campus and proposed a scheme to make his ex jealous, you'd laughed in his face. then, for reasons beyond logic, you'd said yes. you would feel so awkward at first, considering jisung was holding your hand and bringing you flowers to keep up appearances, but eventually his charm and humor started to get to you. you would both argue over who actually fell in love first, but it didn't truly matter in the end. eventually, the relationship shifted from forced to destined completely on accident. the fake-dating scheme actually worked on his ex, who approached him at a party a few months later, and jisung cackled in their face. why go back to gold when he'd struck diamond?
lee felix -> soulmates
from the first second you spotted felix, you were done for. the two of you danced around one another for weeks after that, each of you unable to stay away for more than a few days at a time. from day one, being with felix felt like waking up from a very long dream. you would be embarrassed trying to describe your feelings for him out loud but they were still unlike any romantic feelings you'd experienced before. he's sweet and devoted, truly the sunshine in your world full of clouds. your favorite part about him, however, is that you're allowed to see the parts of him no one else can. his sorrows and fears that he reveals only to you. you love him endlessly and have never felt the need to act like anything than what you are with him.
kim seungmin -> school crush
kim seungmin is the coolest kid in school, the boy everyone wants and can't have. when you first met he seemed completely disinterested in romantic relationships, a fact which bothered you more than you liked to admit. you saw him once a day in class, never able to really concentrate because he sat directly behind you and was always cracking jokes with his friends. you were convinced he didn't know you existed, but you couldn't have been more wrong. when seungmin asked you on a date out of nowhere, you thought it had to be a joke. nope. he'd been crushing on you just as hard since the moment he laid eyes on you. your relationship with seungmin is sweeter than honey and full of teasing, late-night karaoke dates, and matching outfits. you couldn't ask for a better first love.
yang jeongin -> childhood best friends to lovers
jeongin lived three houses down the street from you growing up. you walked home from school and every day, without fail, he was always in his driveway shooting hoops (badly, though you'd never tell him that). you had playdates every afternoon until dusk and remained friends all the way through high school. he was your platonic date to every school dance and club function. you never admitted to anyone that every time he got into a new relationship, your heart broke a little more. finally, in college, jeongin reaches his limit and asks you when you're finally going to let him take you out, a question that nearly gives you a heart attack. after that moment, everything changed. jeongin is obsessed with you, to put it mildly, and spends all of his time trying to make you see yourself the way he sees you. relationships, you realize, are effortless when your partner is your best friend.
thank you so much for reading!! if you got this far, please leave a like and/or reblog to show your support :)
hellooo! i just want to thank you for writing RAIN because omfg it is sooooooo good. the way it built up from yn doing the hating but she doesnt even know why she hates sunghoon. and then sunghoon trying to ignore her BUT HE CANT???? and then the seggs come along and UGH PERFECTION now every time it looks like it will rain, i'm going to say, "looks like rain" asdfghjkl;
YOU ARE SO NICE WHAT THE HECK 😭😭😭 thank you for this, I literally adore you!!
Helllllo!:) I’m sorry if this has already been asked (I’m new I just found your blog sorry. Also  absolutely love it your soo cool) but is there a part 4 to dangerous,deal,deadly ff? I love it so much it’s soo good the grip it has on me is not healthy but anyway I just love it a lot and saw that the last part,part 3 was made about 5-6 months ago and I was wondering if you were continuing.if your not that’s totally fine no pressure I hope that everything is good and ok, love you beautiful have an amazing day;)
hi, please don't be sorry!! just to confirm, there will be a part 4 + an epilogue to my dangerous series! to be totally honest, I've been struggling with some writer's block and y'all love this story so much I want it to be perfect. I promise I'm trying to get over it though!!
honestly I would love to hear y'all's thoughts on the series. how are you hoping it will end, what would you like to see happen, stuff like that! maybe it will help restore my sense of direction lol 🫡
thank you for your sweet comments, love you!! I'm glad you love this series 🖤
hiiiiiii!!!! I'm so glad it's december, it's definitely the best month of the year to me! I hope you're having a safe and happy holiday season sweet friend 🥰🫶
