minnie's recs

bts fan fiction recs. i reblog everything i like. 18+ | mature content navigation | main blog

[minnies-recs]

recs navigation

note: message me if you need a rec, help finding a fic, have a rec for me, or just to say hi :*

Most of these are 18+ | Minors DNI

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my bts x reader favorite fics pt. 1 my bts x reader favorite fics pt. 2 my list of bts x mafia fics

some of my favorite writers

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[jeonstudios]

dextrocardia | 10

Dextrocardia. Originally a medical term, but also a way to describe someone who's got their heart in the right place.

"She's been moved to another operation to help out. This pairing is necessary because you'll be undercover as spouses. I know you two can be professional about this."

"What?!" It's Jeongguk's upset voice that sounds, and for once, you share his displeased opinion.

Spouses.

pairing: cop!jk x f detective!reader

genre: undercover cops, fake marriage, e2l au, angst, fluff, (smut?)

word count: 4.3k (a little shorter but y'know... short and sweet)

warnings: pretty brief mention of pet death

rating: NC-17 – Adults Only

masterlist

part 10/? 

<previous | next>

© dextrocardia is copyright jeonstudios. this fic can not be modified, re-posted, or translated without my permission.

You’re not really sure what’s going on with you, but you can’t seem to calm your heart from the scare he gave you. Jeongguk is Jeongguk, and whatever that might mean, you know it means something. 

“I… I can’t. You should go,” you look down at the ground as you start walking toward the house.

“Wait,” Jeongguk calls, catching up, “You know I would never hurt you, right?”

His voice is warm, but you need a moment, so you stop.

“Yeah, but I can’t. I–I wasn’t, I’m not… prepared.”

You shut your eyes for a moment. Don’t you owe it to Jeongguk to trust him and to give him a chance to talk to you? You definitely do, and ever since you left the hospital, you’ve imagined running into him again. There’s absolutely a part of you that felt more than just relief, seeing his face.

So you open your eyes to meet his. He watches you patiently with a trace of worry. 

“Can you… come back tomorrow instead? I get it if it’s too long of a drive, but I can’t–I can’t do it right now.”

Jeongguk’s worry grows, “Are you alright?”

You nod before continuing toward the house. Jeongguk follows, carrying the bag, “Okay, then, yeah, absolutely. Just give me a time, and I’ll be here.”

“Thank you. Well, it’s Monday tomorrow, so whatever works for you.”

“It’s no problem. Is two p.m. alright?”

You stop at the door, placing your grocery bag on the ground in front of it. “Yeah.”

“Okay, good,” Jeongguk gives you a small smile and hands you the other one.

Unsure about a lot of things, you watch him as he leaves, heading toward a big, black motorcycle you hadn’t seen parked behind two other cars on the street. He looks at you before he drives off, and although you can’t see his face behind the helmet, there’s something soft surrounding him.

You decide to sleep in the morning after, rolling out of bed at eleven-thirty. After some breakfast and a change of clothes, you start the process of cleaning. It’s not super dirty, and you doubt Jeongguk would mind, but you do vacuum and, while you’re at it, also mop the floors.

Five minutes early, there’s a knock on the door. You close the laptop on the kitchen table and make your way into the hallway to open the door.

Then, there he is. Compared to yesterday, daylight illuminates his features, and you almost feel overwhelmed, looking up at him. He’s wearing a large, black hoodie and some jeans, a black leather jacket hanging across his arm.

He smiles down at you, his dark eyes looking as soft as his hair. You remember catching the last few minutes of a press conference a month ago, noticing Jeongguk’s hair had been cut. It’s grown a little since then, but it’s still relatively short, and even shorter on the sides.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” you repeat, opening the door further and stepping back, “uh, come in.”

It’s then that it truly dawns on you that… you don’t know what you are to each other. You’ve been enemies, you’ve been fake married, you’ve been coworkers and partners, and maybe even… something close to friends? For a very short time that night, after seeing the cars pull up and before you blacked out with what you thought was a dead Jeongguk beside you, you trusted him. Well, you didn’t have much choice. Then, you left the hospital, changed your number, deactivated your social media, and left town.

What are you now, without the circumstances that forced you to trust him?

Jeongguk walks inside, removes his shoes and hangs his jacket on the coat rack before looking around curiously. Closing the door behind him, you lead the way to the kitchen.

“This is very cozy. Your aunt’s, was it?”

“Yeah, it’s nice. She’s very kind, letting me stay here.”

“Yeah, so where’s Fenrir?” Jeongguk asks, and you follow his gaze to the two empty bowls on the kitchen floor.

Your chest constricts with a sharp pain. 

“Fenrir’s dead,” you explain slowly, watching Jeongguk’s head shoot up.

“What?” he questions in shock, “How? When?”

“A little more than two months ago. I missed some meat in the backyard.”

It hurts all the way to the bone. Fenrir was supposed to protect you, and you were supposed to take care of him. You only had him for two years, but he was your best friend, the most loyal being in your life. It hit you afterward that maybe Fenrir knew Jeongguk was never a danger to you, and that’s why he liked him.

“You’re saying someone actually poisoned him?”

“Yeah.” Your voice doesn’t match the upset tone of Jeongguk’s, but you’ve had time to process what happened. Not that you actually have; you know very well you’ve only pushed it away to deal with later.

“But two months ago? All four were in custody back then?”

His observation makes you shrug sadly, “Yeah. But Jeongguk, everyone was in on it. Maybe not you, but everyone else. It was probably a warning to stay out of everything, and nothing has happened since.”

Jeongguk looks at you, appearing speechless. “God… I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” you say, pulling a little on the hemline of your sweater, “I try not to think about it too much.”

Jeongguk, however, is thinking deeply.

“...But that means you’re out here, entirely alone without any sort of protection and they know?”

You nod slowly. “I’m fine though. Here, sit down. Do you want something to drink? Coffee?”

Looking unwilling to change the subject, Jeongguk still follows your command and pulls out a chair to sit at the kitchen table while you search the cabinets. 

A few knocks at the door interrupt him as he starts to say something, and you check your watch. With a sigh, you stop a worried Jeongguk from rising from the chair. “It’s okay, I know who it is. Just… wait here.”

He keeps his hands flat on the table, ready to get up. “Are you sure?”

Nodding, you exit the kitchen and enter the hallway, opening the door to the same delivery man that has been a constant in your life ever since you moved out here. He’s pretty punctual.

“Hey, please stop coming here. They’re for house twenty one, not twelve.”

“I’m sorry, you’re gonna have to call corporate. Do you want me to throw them away?” You gaze down at the flowers in his hands. Most of the time, it’s roses of varying colors but this time, it’s a mixture of blue and purple hyacinths. And there’s never a card.

“No.”

With a polite smile, you close the door and turn to get back to your guest, your eyes on the beautiful flowers in your hands.

“I, uh… have this neighbor a few houses down,” you start, smiling as you turn the bouquet over. “Super sweet and pretty girl, many men wrapped around her finger, but whoever is sending her flowers keeps giving the wrong address. And the stupid delivery guy just won’t listen, he just keeps knocking on my door.”

You peer up at Jeongguk, your smile turning slightly apologetic, “Anyway, just… hold on while I drop them at hers? I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

“They’re not for you then?”

You stop in your tracks, looking down at them once more and trying to keep your smile from falling too quickly. Silence sets for a second or two, but what can you say? You don’t want Jeongguk to feel bad for being right about how flowers are for pretty girls only. You’re not a girl who gets flowers.

“...I’ll be back in five,” you inform, softly. “Make yourself at home in the meantime.”

“I sent them.”

Your eyes widen slightly, and you look at him before peering down at the bouquet again. What? You don’t understand.

“...Why?”

“I wanted to let you know I was thinking of you. That I knew where you were, giving you space, but that you were on my mind and that you could just reach out if you needed anything. Otherwise too, of course.”

You stare at the flowers. For you. You were on his mind.  “Oh. Thank you. I guess I’ll put them in a vase?”

With the hyacinths in one hand, you search the kitchen for vases, thankful that your aunt keeps a few high glass ones in a cabinet.

You decide on a fitting one, taking it out and moving it under the tap to fill a third of it with water. Then you place it on the counter and glance back at the flowers. You should trim the stems, right? Laying the flowers across a cutting board, you grab a big knife from its drawer. But you hesitate. You didn’t get a good look at how Jeongguk did it last time, and you don’t want to ruin them by doing it wrong.

“I just cut them? At an angle?” you ask quietly without looking back at him.

You feel very small and vulnerable, more so since you know you just confirmed to Jeongguk that you’ve never gotten flowers before, and you swallow nervously, almost expecting him to tease you for it.

Instead, you hear the chair move behind you, and feel his presence as he comes to stand beside you. He moves his arms, gently grabbing the knife from your hand and making sure to softly push yours away from the bouquet to avoid injuries.

“Yeah, you trim them to get a fresh area to absorb water. This is typically a good angle,” he says, positioning the knife against the stems. “And you’ll need a sharp knife and to hit them kinda hard, especially roses. That’s the easiest way.”

He lifts the knife and then cuts the stems with two clean chops all while your heart is in your throat. Warmth exudes him where he stands next to you even though he’s not directly touching you more than his arms grazing yours now and then. You remember the last time he held a knife around you. But nothing happened with the knife, did it? He never used it against you, did he?

“Why were you holding a knife?”

Finished with the flowers, Jeongguk places the knife down on the cutting board.

“Hoseok borrowed a lot of our cutlery and like the only sharp knife we had. I was gonna cook, so I brought it back from the game. But then I felt so betrayed after I followed Hoseok and saw him hug you in our backyard that I didn’t think to put it down before I went to confront you.”

It feels like the last puzzle piece is slowly pushed into place. “That’s why you asked if I was a double agent?”

“Yeah. But I’m guessing he caught you at a weak moment, and you told him you were sick?”

You nod, lifting the flowers to put them in the vase. “Yeah. I… needed a reason for looking sad.”

“Cause Eunha told me about you being sick and so I thought she was the one you told, not Hoseok, who then obviously told her, who in turn told me. Because to me, you had no reason to be hugging him.”

“Messy,” you comment, wanting to keep the air light.

Jeongguk chuckles. “Yeah,” he agrees, stepping back and returning to his seat at the table.

You keep fixing the flowers even though the vase and bouquet is pretty much finished, but you need something to keep your attention on. 

“I’m, uh, I’m sorry I complicated things,” you speak with your back against him, “Technically, a lot of what happened, maybe even everything, was my fault. If I hadn’t reacted the way I did–”

“–It wasn't your fault,” he argues softly, making you glance at him over your shoulder. 

“What happened was the culmination of years of actions and threats. I didn’t see it for what it truly was, and I’ll always be sorry for that, but I still came at you with a knife after unknowingly threatening to hurt you.”

You bite your lip, hearing him speak words that ease something inside you and seeing him look so genuine. 

He continues, “Your reaction was reasonable. I made the decision to confront them, and I made the choice of trying to save you. Nothing was your fault.”

“You’re a terrible son, you know that?”

He looks a bit taken aback, confused by your sudden attack.

“Your mom doesn’t like your motorcycle or your profession. Then you do that to her?”

You’re not entirely sure what you’re getting at, and you don’t know to what degree you would’ve grieved Jeongguk, but you’re relieved that you didn’t need to find out.

“I know. I haven’t made it easy for her. But these things… it’s what I want to do.”

You don’t find any words to that, so a surprisingly comfortable silence falls. The vase finds its place in the middle of the oak kitchen table, and you continue where you left off before the delivery man interrupted you: making coffee.

“So, how are you? Now, I mean?” you ask.

“I’m good. Made a full recovery.”

He smiles at you when you pour him a cup, and you can’t deny that the relief you felt, hearing he was alive, was most likely the strongest feeling you’ve ever felt. The moment you thought he died in front of you, the last piece of you died as well and everything that was left became numb. Until you found out he survived. The numbness returned later on though–turns out that it’s hard to get rid of.

“That’s… good. I’m really happy that you’re fine.”

He nods, taking a sip of his coffee. “Yeah. So, how do you feel about… everything?”

“Everything?” you question, taking a seat in front of him and reaching for your own cup.

“Yeah. I mean, first thing’s first, the mission. Our suspects?”

Oh. You realize that you never talked to him about it, how the material and evidence had magically vanished from what had become a crime scene.

“Well… Hoseok visited me at the hospital, and I… sorta promised him we wouldn’t go after him. Or I wouldn’t, at least. They saved us after all; came to our rescue and got us to the hospital. Besides, he sorta implied that they’re on some kind of Robin Hood mission, just not exactly stealing from the good rich.”

Jeongguk puts his cup down, “I guess I can agree with that. And what about… the current case?” he asks, looking at you carefully.

“I don’t know. I get what you’re trying to do back there, and although I admire you for it, I don’t think it can be done. You can’t sort out the bad apples if they’re hiding, and even if you could, there wouldn’t be any good apples left. You can’t run an entire station, just you, Jihyo and Sana.”

He looks… worried and almost like something’s paining him. “I get that you don’t want to return, but I wish you’d know that “good men” aren’t a miracle. The bar is way too low, like insanely so, but there are more good men than bad men. Maybe we aren’t all aware of what damage we potentially do in our day to day lives, but there are a lot of us out there that don’t wish to hurt anyone. I guess I can’t ask you to trust my intuition considering what I did, but I want you to know that.”

You take a sip of your coffee, thinking through his words. It feels weird. Strange to know that you’re actually talking about sexism and how shitty guys can be, and you’re almost on the same page. He’s not calling you names and trying to gaslight you into thinking you’re overreacting, but he listened to you, accepted your opinion as valid, and gave his own without disrespecting you.

“So… why did you come here? You said you wanted to talk but I don’t think we’ve covered anything you didn’t already know. Unless it was about Hoseok?”

Jeongguk shakes his head. “I wanted to see how you were for myself because I know you don’t always tell Jihyo the truth, like how she didn’t even know you were shipped out with me when I called her that night. Or the fact that you haven’t told her about Fenrir. I don’t think she’d be very comfortable with you being on your own here.”

Well, he’d be right about that.

“And I wanted to ask you to come live with me.”

You nearly choke on the hot liquid, managing to right it with a light cough. “What?”

“Yeah. I was worried even when Hoseong and the others were in custody and you had Fenrir, but with you alone out here? With them on the loose, knowing your address, and without Fenrir? I just–I can’t. So come and stay with me, at least until we find them.”

You just stare at him.

“I have a spare bedroom, and it’s close to the station. I do mostly paperwork considering the circumstances so I can work remotely, but it’d make me feel a whole lot better knowing you’re safe at my place when I do have to go in.”

You’re not sure what to say. A part of you wants to ask him if he’s lost it.

“You don’t need to hang out with me if you don’t want to either. You can do your own thing, and I won’t be in your way. There are locks on the door as well, I put them up before coming here.”

“Jeongguk…” you say, not knowing how to convey that, although you appreciate it–you think–you’re just so tired. You have no energy to fight anymore, otherwise you would’ve told Jihyo about Fenrir and everything, and he shouldn’t waste his energy.

“Please,” he says, looking at you with the most sincere eyes you think you’ve ever seen. “Do you want me to beg, cause I will. On my bare knees. Please, come with me.” 

“So this is my bedroom?”

You look around. It’s large and very nice, minimally furnished like the rest of his house has been so far. It’s light and bright, a lot of oak and white.

“Yeah. I hope it’s good enough?” Jeongguk asks, leaning against the doorframe.

“No, no, it is! I just feel like having a house big enough with spare bedrooms on one income in this economy and neighborhood is pretty… luxurious. Then again, you’re a guy so you probably earn a lot more than your female counterparts.”

It’s said in a joking tone–although you’re definitely a little bitter inside–but when you tear your eyes from the large shelves with a few books on them, you see Jeongguk looking at you.

“Don’t know if she told you, but Jihyo’s been looking into that, actually. And you’re right, there will be a pretty big reallocation of funds in the coming weeks.”

Your mouth opens slightly in surprise. Jihyo probably mentioned it in one of her longer texts, but you don't do more than skim those. “What? Really? And you’re okay with that?”

‘Reallocation’ means moving funds from somewhere to somewhere else, as in from someone’s pay to another’s.

Jeongguk nods. “Of course. I don’t want to have more if it means someone else is getting less.”

Watching him standing there, leaned against the doorframe in a dark, muted green t-shirt and jeans, you feel your eyes soften further. If he’s pretending, he’s doing a very good job. You’ve never met anyone like him, especially not a man like him.

“Anyway,” he changes the subject, taking a few steps inside so that he can close the door behind him, “You can lock the door, both by the regular lock and… here,” he explains, showing you the sliding deadbolt lock drilled to the door.

“As if you can’t still kick it down,” you joke. The truth is that you’re sure he knows as much as you do that you’re not entirely comfortable with him yet. You don’t actually know each other that well, and after everything he’s said to you? It’s not something you just move past in an afternoon or ninety.

He doesn’t like the thought of it, though, and you see his face turn just a tad softer before he lifts his eyebrow. “I don’t know what kind of supernatural creature you think I am.”

“I think you’re a gym rat literally trained in breaking and entering.”

“Touché. But I would never break the door down. Unless, it’s needed somehow. I don’t know, if you’re dying on the other side or something. I just want you to feel safe here.”

Maybe your heart does skip an illogical beat at that. “...Thanks.”

He smiles a smile that has the corners of his eyes creasing slightly and very endearingly. “You’re welcome. I’ll, uh, get started on dinner,” he says, but stops suddenly, “Or… do you want to just order something?”

You lift your black suitcase onto the gray bed throw and unzip it. “No, it’s fine by me. Whatever you want.”

Of course, a voice in your head whispers that, yeah, he might take the opportunity to poison you, that everything was just a long con, a long game to him. But it’s nothing more than another irrational thought, so you try not to listen to it.

“Okay, well I’ll see what I can come up with. I’m no master chef but I’m not completely useless.”

He’s grinning as he’s turning to leave the room, but you tighten your hold on the sweater you just pulled out of the suitcase. “Jeongguk?”

He stops, looking at you softly and curiously.

“Thank you. For… this.”

For giving a shit basically. You don’t know why, if maybe he’s doing it to repay you for treating you like shit or if he maybe actually does care, but it doesn’t matter too much does it?

“Don’t mention it.”

He leaves you to unpack your clothes into the mostly empty closet. 

There are a few things already in there; stuff you suppose he doesn’t use often, and you definitely note the military uniform among other things hanging neatly in the corner. The items don’t matter to you because you didn’t bring much anyway, hoping not to have to stay long. The feeling it brings, seeing your clothes hang next to his, reminds you of that first day on the mission when you unpacked your character’s costumes and hung them next to his. God, how things change.

After finishing, you place your phone charger by the edge of the bed, raising your eyebrows when you spot the handle of a baseball bat sticking up beside the bed. It looks unnatural where it stands, leaned against the wall and nightstand, and you doubt it’s usually there which means Jeongguk placed it there for you. You’re not sure how to feel. Either he’s really worried someone might come for you even though you’re staying at his place, or he’s lulling you into a false sense of security… No, he would’ve gotten rid of you ages ago if that was what he really wanted.

You trust him. You do. And you definitely trust Jihyo, who told you that it was a good decision to stay with him for a while, especially after learning about Fenrir’s passing. You guess she’s gotten to know Jeongguk pretty well the last few months.

Something’s frying on the stove when you enter the kitchen.

“I like your house,” you compliment toward his back, seeing him turn his head to grin at you over his shoulder.

“Thank you. I… never really got around to really decorate, though,” he scrunches his nose which is way too cute. “Did you look through it all? If not, feel free.”

“I didn’t want to pry too much.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that. I have nothing to hide, and we don’t know how long you’ll be staying so make yourself at home. I can show you around more after dinner?”

“Sure, that’d be great.”

Silence sets in, and you realize for what feels like the fifth time how little you actually know Jeongguk. His house–what you’ve seen of it so far which is basically only the entryway, your room, and the kitchen–don’t carry a lot of traces as to who he is and what he likes to do.

You lean back against the counter next to him, tapping your nails against the stone surface behind you, and decide to just… ask him.

“So… what do you like to do? In your free time?”

He looks at you, but your own gaze is lingering on his forearm and how the muscles work as he lifts the pan to flip its contents smoothly.

“Well, I usually work pretty long days. Then I workout, but I’ve got my own gym so that saves some time, and I can do it whenever I’ve got some to spare.”

“Of course you have your own gym.”

The sound of your chuckle makes his own smile widen, and the corners of his eyes crease in that way again. Is the heat from the stove spreading?

“Yeah. It’s not a super big or expensive one, just the essentials. And otherwise I see friends or I game with them or watch something on Netflix. Or I work on my bike in the garage.”

“Sounds fun,” you nod, not sure if it actually does but at least he has hobbies. “Also, uhm, sorry for calling you a bad son earlier.”

“It’s okay. I know I worry her a lot.”

“Yeah. She loves you.” You eat together after that, a comfortable sort of small talk filling the air. If your heart is beating a little too fast, it’s not because you’re eating food Jeongguk prepared. You don’t even think about that.

<previous | next> author's note: i hope you liked it, we're traveling in a different direction now <3

[minnies-recs]

Just read the whole fic today because I couldn’t put it down! And really glad I actually found it on this chapter because I don’t think I could’ve handled the previous cliffhangers. Really intriguing, suspenseful, and warm. Covers heavy topics in a sensitive but direct way. Can’t wait to see where it goes next!

[kookluvre]

gold is dull. || jjk || masterlist.

your once-love abandoned you to chase his dreams as a boxer, leaving you and unknowingly, at the time, his son. as much as you want to forget him, you can't. you see him on the billboard, tv commercials, and in your son's room, reminding you of everything you once were.

“momma! please take me to golden boy's fight! he’s fighting here! in our hometown. please, momma. for my birthday? i wanna see him in person!”

pairing: jeon jungkook x female reader

genre: boxer!jk, dilf!jk, single mom! oc, heavy angst, ex-boyfriend, eventual smut, fluff

warnings: financial struggles, mentions of off-screen death, angst, blood, fighting, mentions of pregnancy, *will be updated with every chapter *each chapter will have a warning tab

posting schedule: new chapter every tuesday!! (unless otherwise noted)

დmoodboards(teasers)

✩ playlist

❦ outfits

if you want to be added to taglist, please ask on this post დ

➺ chapter 1

"jungkook, the person you once believed was the love of your life, has turned into the stranger of your life."

♫: Come on Doom, Let's Party

➺ chapter 2

"it’s not a warm feeling, though. It’s something in between. it still feels strange. It’s the middle ground between cold and warm."

♫: Heal

➺ chapter 3

“you and me are never going to be okay. but…even if we aren’t, for him we are.”

♫: High Hopes

➺ chapter 4

"it’s slowly pulling him and he seeks a distraction to let himself enjoy everything before it completely consumes him."

♫: Falling

➺ chapter 5

“very happy that you are able to live with all this,” you spin around, imitating him, “with no remorse. no guilt. no conscience of leaving everyone behind. of leaving me behind. but who gives a shit, right?”

♫: lie

➺ chapter 6

"the look holds a certain longing to do more than just stare at each other. you feel the door that was opening up slowly, be slammed to its complete openness. the gaze has left you right at the entrance of his warm home."

♫: never let me go

[minnies-recs]

Likely won’t be finished but a pretty good read

[minnies-recs]

hello! I'm sorry to ask, but could you help me find a Jimin oneshot? I read it a while ago but I don't remember the name or username of the person who wrote it.

I remember it was about Jimin being something like an octopus or some kind of sea monster (? He had tentacles, and he came out to the surface of Busan once a year (if I remember correctly) to mate, that's how he meets the protagonist and they end up having their meeting. I would appreciate it very much if you could help me 😭🫶🏻

Hey! Hope this is what you were looking for:

Luminous

☼ Pairing: Jimin x reader ☼ Genre: tentacle monster!Jimin, some fluff, smut, mostly just pwp ☼ Count: 9k ☼ Warnings: 18+, public sex (no

[rendaze]

work on you (m)

+ featuring … manager!taehyung x idol!reader

+ summary … when your manager, kim taehyung, decides to avoid you after a massage turned sexual, you are determined to kill two birds with one stone: get him to talk to you again by fucking him.

+ genre … smut, fluff

+ wordcount … 12k

+ warnings … fem!reader, possessive/jealous!taehyung, dom!taehyung, perv!taehyung, brat!reader, a lot of dirty talk, orgasm denial, objectification, dumbification, degradation, dirty talk, cumplay, cum swallowing, exhibitionism, public fingering, 

For much of the night, Kim Taehyung is quiet. He rests on the crème couch, cat eyes observing you through the mirror. Outside, pink skies fade to indigo and crickets popcorn beneath the underbrush; the pattering of your feet against the practice room floor accompanies it. It has been hours since workers have clocked out and the last buses have run, but he knows this.

Your manager of two years is not known for the saccharine politeness of his peers nor the pedantic nature of his seniors. Instead, he is blunt. Reserved. An intrinsic part of your life whom you’d grown reliant on as winter faded to summer and back again.

His diligence is not due to principle but rather habit – if it wasn’t for you, he would be watching cable, cigarette ash tainting work clothes he was too tired to change out of. Instead, he waits—regardless of overtime—to drive you to your apartment where he bids you a weary ‘bye’ only to pick you up three hours later. He doesn’t need to, but he does. A habit.

But as entangled as your lives have grown, he has always kept a distance; hence your intrigue when he approaches you post-practice where he would have ignored you altogether.

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[ahundredtimesover]

I Want You to Stay (01) | JJK

Pairing: Jungkook x (f.) Reader

Genre/Tags: boss!JK x assistant!reader; idiot strangers to lovers; slow slow burn; k-drama feels; angst, drama, fluff, smut

Chapter (Series) Warnings: foul/explicit language; alcohol consumption & passing out, unhealthy coping mechanisms; family drama; minor injuries; power dynamics (JK starts off as a jerk); work-related anxiety, feelings of helplessness, insecurities; childhood traumatic experiences, nightmares; sexual harassment, prior incidence of domestic violence (PLS PLS BE CAREFUL WHEN READING); arts and business/property devt talk that’s probably inaccurate; commitment issues & emotionally constipated characters; cold and detached JK; explicit sexual content (specific warnings stated per chapter) (18+)

Chapter Word count: 12k

Series Masterlist

Status: Ongoing

Series summary: Working for Jungkook isn’t the same as working for Hoseok. For starters, Jungkook doesn’t smile, he doesn’t appreciate you, and he gives you too much work. It doesn’t help that he’s incredibly handsome and has women at his beck and call. But as the tension grows, it becomes impossible to resist him. You’ve dedicated yourself to your job for 8 years so when you finally decide to put yourself first, he asks you to reconsider. And while you know that leaving is difficult, you learn that when it comes to Jungkook, staying is always so much harder.

Playlist 🎶: on the way home

A/N: Happy 2024, everyone! 🎉 Dropping this tonight as a welcome to the new year and the start of the wild journey that is this story. It's a different JK that I'm used to writing. It's also a different arrangement for me as the story is still being written, so just a heads up that updates won't be as regular compared to before, but they'll definitely come (pls don't come at me hehe 😁)! This is also a painfully slow build-up with lots of details and office talk so please be patient! I don’t know how this will turn out and be revived but I hope you enjoy! 💕

Also my biggest thanks to @wonwoonlight as always 🥰

Jung Hoseok’s smile is like a ray of sunshine - warm on cool mornings, radiant on sunny afternoons. It’s light and infectious, but more than anything, it’s genuine. There’s comfort in the way his entire face beams and how the rest of his body follows; there’s this sense of openness that makes it easy to be around him, that makes it easy to work for him.

It was 10 years ago when you first encountered that smile - bright and encouraging as he welcomed you and the rest of the interns to his family’s company. It slowly dissolved the anxiety you were feeling over being 1 of 12 chosen students to work for one of the leading real estate and property development corporations in the country. You’d see it again two years later as an employee, and you recall how he perked up at the sight of you, having remembered those eight weeks you spent preparing the conference room for their meetings and serving the executives their coffee. 

You wouldn’t have expected that five years after that, you’d be seeing that smile everyday as his executive assistant, and it was one of the things that made the job bearable. Despite the long hours and the amount of work you had to do and events you had to accompany him to, working for Hoseok always felt worth it. Despite the insane amount of pressure he was put under and the stress he had to endure, Hoseok somehow always managed to smile. 

He was serious when he had to be, but there was joy in how he did things. He allowed himself moments of calm, of time to check in on his support team for a few laughs. He’d spare himself a few minutes a day to sway to the soft music he plays in his office, he’d preside over meetings with vigor, and he’d start and end every interaction with anyone with that smile - the same smile that assures you that all your hard work is appreciated and which encourages you to keep learning.

It’s that same smile that he has on right now, as he hands you a custom-made cake with ‘you worked hard’ written on it. He says the words as your eyes turn to him in surprise. 

“Thank you for all that you’ve done,” Hoseok says. “I know you were new to the role just like I was but you made everything so easy for me. I’m gonna have to get used to being without your brilliance, Ms. Cho. I hope you never doubt yourself ever again.”

Your astonished face turns into a pout, as it dawns on you that it’s Friday, the first unofficial day of you no longer being Hoseok’s executive assistant, given his appointment as President not long ago. Yet despite the big change he’ll be experiencing starting next week, he’s the one affirming and comforting you, something that’s rare for someone of his stature and something you’ll definitely miss. 

“You know I don’t cry, but I just might,” you respond, earning you a chuckle. “But really, I… I can’t thank you enough for taking a chance on me. I know my credentials weren’t like the others but—”

“Ms. Cho,” he interjects. “The only credentials those other applicants had were the universities they went to, but none of them matched your level of skill and dedication to the role. I can assure you that none of them would’ve managed the past three years like you did. I should be thanking you for dealing with all the craziness with me.”

“You’re a good boss, it’s that simple,” you return the compliment now. “You were patient with me and challenged me to be better without putting me down. That does a lot for a person’s confidence, you know?”

“I know that now,” he smiles again. “But really, I don’t think I could’ve asked for a more competent right-hand woman. Jungkook’s lucky he’s taking my position with the most capable assistant to help him out.”

At the mention of the man’s name, your face sours, something that Hoseok picks up, earning you another laugh. 

“Not a fan of him, I see,” he eyes you curiously.

“I don’t mean any disrespect, Mr. Jung, but your cousin is not you,” you explain. “I may have only seen him a handful of times but those are enough to let me know that he does not smile.”

“Yes, I do confirm that,” Hoseok chuckles. “Jungkook’s quite the perfectionist and very much a workaholic. But he’s brilliant and creative and you’ll learn a lot from him, too. He’s being primed to co-lead the company with me and he needs a strong support for that and I think that’s you. His father thinks that’s you, and for the CEO to think so means a lot, ___. Uncle has seen how you work and was adamant that you remain in this role, especially with his son assuming the Vice President position.”

You know that Hoseok means to reassure you, but you suppose your insecurities over having this role and even being in this company won’t ever really go away. You didn’t graduate from a prestigious university in Seoul like most employees here did, and in this society, that usually means everything. You’re thankful for the trust that you’ve been given and you agree that you worked hard for it, too, but it will always be overwhelming; even then, it sometimes still feels undeserved. 

At your silence, Hoseok speaks again. “___, as your former boss and as your friend, I’m here to back you up. Jungkook’s family but if he, for some reason, acts like a hard-headed jerk, you let me know, okay?”

He turns serious now, as he silently asks for you to promise him that you’ll speak out if you need to. Hoseok knows what you went through under Mrs. Byun, the former manager who abused her power over you until her own slip-up caused her downfall years later, and he doesn’t want you to go through that again. 

“Okay. But I didn’t mean to imply that he’s a jerk just because he doesn’t smile,” you clarify. “I guess I meant to say that… I’ll miss working for you. That’s all. We somehow always got a laugh in, no matter how stressful things were. I’ll miss being with A-yeong, too.”

“I know you also meant to say that I’m the best boss you’ve ever had,” Hoseok chuckles, though you don’t miss the sadness in his eyes, too. “But I’ll just be two floors above you. You’ll still see me everywhere. And A-yeong’s gonna miss you, too, that’s why she can’t let you go without having dinner out, that I’m apparently not invited to.”

“We’re just gonna gossip about you, don’t worry,” you tease, appreciative of the fact that his wife has been kind to you all these years, apologizing to you on his behalf during the rare times he’s cranky, and gifting you little things from their trips abroad. “But thank you again, Hoseok,” you continue, dropping the formalities when you mean to speak to him as a friend, because that’s what he is, and it’s a rarity in this industry where those in power tend to take advantage of those below them. “You’ve treated me well, and I’ll never forget that.” 

“Thank you, ___,” he smiles once more. “I’ll finish setting up my new office now. I’ll see you there in 30 minutes, okay? I know Jungkook officially starts on Monday but he wanted to get all the administrative stuff out of the way as soon as possible and since my old room is being sanitized, he’ll be staying at mine the whole morning. HR has everything he needs to sign so please get those documents from them before heading to my office.”

“Oh, so he’s coming today?” You ask, unable to hide the mix of surprise and disappointment in your voice. You’re clearly uninformed about this. “Didn’t he just arrive last night?”

“Yes, he did. I thought he’d at least spend today resting but no, he called me an hour ago to say he’ll drop by this morning so he can get straight to business on his first day,” Hoseok explains, shaking his head at the thought of his cousin wanting to get straight to work. “I know it’s short notice so you don’t need to brief him or anything yet. You’ve been buried in organizing all my files this past week after all.” 

“Okay, but I’ve got everything organized for him already anyway in case he wants to start,” you say, having prepared all the documents he’d need to ease into his role more smoothly, knowing it’s your job to help him with that. 

“Of course you have,” Hoseok chuckles, impressed as always with how on top you are of everything. “I’ll see you in half an hour.”

You sulk in your seat once he’s out of view, whining internally because much as your files are ready for your new boss, you’re the one who isn’t. You’d held off on mentally preparing yourself for meeting the Jeon Jungkook, second son of the current CEO of Jeon Corporation and the new Vice President, thinking you’d have the entire weekend for that, so you’re caught off guard at having to face him today. It’s one thing to move on from no longer having Jung Hoseok as your boss - that itself took you months to process and accept; it’s another to have to get used to assisting someone else, someone you know is completely different in attitude and approach to his work.

Jungkook used to be an executive in the Singapore office, the Southeast Asian headquarters of the company. In your three years as Hoseok’s assistant, you’d only seen Jungkook a few times, such as when he’d fly to Seoul for an official visit or a family gathering but you never interacted, as you didn’t really have a reason to, especially since you were always busy with making sure the event was running smoothly. 

But you’d definitely noticed him, partly because the female staff always talked about him when he was around, and partly because next to his parents and his cousins, who are all personable in their own ways, Jungkook sticks out like a sore thumb. You’re not exaggerating when you say that you’ve never seen him smile - not for the pictures and not when he’s talking to the other executives and employees, a contrast to his father’s infectious charm and his mother’s youthful energy.

You’ve gotten used to Hoseok’s passion balanced with his thoughtfulness and joy - you always enjoyed the videos that A-yeong would show you of their weekends doing ballroom dancing because it’s what he loved to do with her. You’re unsure how you’ll manage assisting someone who’s the complete opposite. You’ve heard of Jungkook’s abilities though; his father always spoke of them with pride. Creative and innovative, he’d say of his son, but he always lived in his head, too, and perhaps that’s why even if he can socialize with others, he prefers not to, given that you’d always seen him at the bar after said events, drinking on his own.

You didn’t think those times that you’d one day be having him as your boss. You didn’t expect the appointments to come this soon, nor did you expect to still be in the company by the time they happened. But here you are, about to meet him and hoping to the heavens that whatever preconceived notions you have of him based on what very little you know would be proven wrong. 

Wanting to calm yourself down before meeting him, you head to the management support team’s office for a cup of tea in the pantry, but you’re stopped by Do-hyun, one of the project assistants. 

She hugs you like she always does, even if you rarely ever return it, and she whines like you expect her to, given her unusually pouty face. 

“It’s only been an hour but I already miss Mr. Jung,” she laments. “Why did they appoint him as President so soon? They could’ve waited for another year or so, or at least let him take us with him!”

You find yourself being the reasonable one this time, as you pull her away from you so you could talk to her properly. 

“We always knew he was going to be President, Do-hyun. But then the Board decided to make Ji-woo head of the Singapore office after their uncle stepped down, and that meant Hoseok had to take his sister’s place,” you explain, knowing how generational corporations like this work, with family members rotating in the executive positions. “And much as he’d like to take us with him, the position already comes with its own team. He’s just two floors above us, though. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if we popped in every once in a while to say hi.”

“No, I’m bitter,” she pouts again, earning her a laugh from you.

“Well, at least the new Vice President isn’t a stranger,” Manager Lee chimes in. 

“I heard the CEO’s son doesn’t smile,” Do-hyun counters. “How do we go from assisting someone who literally gives all of us the energy to work each day, to someone who doesn’t think there’s anything worth being happy about? I also heard he’s a workaholic, so what if he demands that we can’t leave the office until he does? And that he’s kind of a fuck boy, so what if he has a scandal that we have to—” 

“Yah! Those are just hearsay, and we don’t listen to those,” you warn her, not wanting the team to start on a bad note because of some rumors about your new boss that may or may not be true. 

And if those are, it’s your job to make sure that those are handled properly and that there’s no friction between the management support team and the Vice President. The thought suddenly hits you and you feel nauseous. You’ve never had these worries with Hoseok because he always prioritized the team - he made sure that tasks were properly delegated, that you all took your well-deserved break, that you weren’t burnt out, that you all knew he got your back the way you all got his. 

But then again, it’s natural to be anxious about change, especially when what you had was already the best it could’ve been. And much as you were the one worrying about this earlier, you’re now the one who has to reassure the team, especially the younger members, that things are going to be okay. 

“You’ll meet him soon, and I’ll make sure he’s properly oriented with everything before he sits down with you all,” you say. “Let’s just be optimistic about this, okay? Manager Lee has been here a while and he can guide all of us when it comes to adapting to changes like this.”

The rest of the team nods, voicing their agreement about being open and welcoming to your new boss. 

“Okay, good. Now let me get my tea before I combust,” you chuckle, heading towards the adjacent room. 

You’re busy taking breaths in between sips of your hot drink when you see a familiar face in the room through the glass window, prompting you to head back outside.

“Mr. Ri,” you greet, causing the man before you to turn towards you. “What are you doing here? Does Mr. Jeon need anything?” 

Knowing you’re referring to the elder Jeon, Mr. Ri shakes his head. 

“I’m here as Jungkook’s chauffeur and bodyguard, actually. His father appointed me, wanting people he trusts to help his son,” he clarifies. “I’ve just driven him from his penthouse.”

“Oh,” you say, unable to control the way your face falls a little. “So, he’s here.”

“He is. He said he wanted to get things done today so he doesn’t waste his time when he starts next week. He’s at Hoseok’s office right now. I believe he’s supposed to sign some documents?”

“Oh shit,” you blurt out, immediately setting down your half-finished tea and rushing out the door to speed-walk to your desk, ignoring Mr. Ri’s demand for you to slow down. 

With what little you know of your new boss, he seems like the type to not excuse tardiness, so you take your files, head to HR to retrieve some documents, and then proceed to Hoseok’s office. You try to catch your breath as you head towards the door, which opens before you get to knock, revealing Bitna, the President’s assistant, who greets you with a sweet smile. 

“Hi, ___. I was just about to call you,” she says. “CEO Jeon is inside as well. Just walk in, they’re waiting for you.”

You cross the small hallway as the door gently closes, and you stop in your tracks the moment you hear Jungkook’s voice.

“I still prefer my old assistant,” he says, obviously displeased. “He was very organized, highly educated, and well-traveled. While this Ms. Cho didn’t even study in a top university in Seoul. And Hoseok says she doesn’t know any other foreign languages when that’s one of my requirements.”

“Son, you’re being too harsh,” CEO Jeon chides. “Ms. Cho is a top performing employee, very hardworking and dedicated. She’s worked here for eight years and she imbibes all our values; she knows the company culture and knows the ins and outs of things with how she’s been exposed to them. Ask your cousin; Hoseok speaks highly of her.”

“___ is great, Kook. She’s incredibly organized and highly analytical and observant. She doesn’t need a Seoul education to be good at what we need her to be good at,” Hoseok argues. 

“I still want my old assistant. It’s more convenient that way. Lucas already knows how I work and what I require of him,” Jungkook insists. “I’m just saying that I need things to be efficient and she and I can’t be adjusting to each other when there are multiple projects that I’d much rather give my attention to.”

“And I’m saying that Ms. Cho probably knows more than you do when it comes to these projects,” the elder Jeon counters. “Plus, your old assistant would have to adjust to life in Seoul and that’s harder. It’s just not practical, especially since you’re due to start in a few days. You have other things to worry about. ___ is there to make your life easier. Give her that chance to do her job.”

“But I—”

“Good morning, gentlemen,” you greet, not wanting to hear whatever unfounded things that Jungkook has to say, even if you have your own preconceived notions about him which, you remind yourself, are partly founded. Barely five minutes in and you already can’t stand his judgmental and entitled ass. 

You walk towards the middle of the room where they’re congregated on the couches, with the elder Mr. Jeon and Hoseok smiling at you while Jungkook merely glances at you, his jaw clenched, perhaps irritated at the fact that you’d overheard him completely misjudge and undermine your abilities without even knowing who you are.

“Good morning, Ms. Cho,” CEO Jeon says. “I know you’ve seen him a few times but I’d like you to officially meet my son and the new Vice President, Jungkook.”

Jungkook turns to you with a disinterested look but he doesn’t meet your eyes. You bow as a sign of respect, even if it’s the last thing you think he deserves.  

“My pleasure, Mr. Jeon,” you respond. “I was told that you’d like to proceed with administrative matters this morning. I have all the documents with me and I can explain each one to you before you sign them. I’ve also consolidated all the things you need to know prior to your meetings next week,” you add, handing him an iPad. “This has the resumes of each member of your management support team, including their professional and development goals. Mine are there as well, so you can read about my credentials and achievements in this company the past eight years, which I think have tremendously helped me in performing my duties satisfactorily. There’s also a folder of team profiles of each of the departments you’re overseeing. You’ll also find closure reports of completed projects from the past five years, progress reports of ongoing projects, and approved and working proposals of upcoming ones. I’ve included summaries and key figures for each of them. You may read them prior to your meetings, and if there’s anything missing that you’d like me to include, I can have them ready by the end of the day.”

“Hmm,” Jungkook hums, as he scrolls through all the folders you’ve prepared for him.

In your periphery, you can see the other two men holding in smiles as you seemingly render the younger man speechless, but while he assesses all that you’ve provided to him, you’re given time to observe the man seated before you. Other than his slightly longer hair, not much has changed from when you saw Jungkook in last year’s gala. 

As he drags his tongue across the inside of his cheek with his scrunched eyebrows in judgment, you’re reminded that this is the first time you’ve seen him up close. And even from his angle, you can tell. 

He’s unfairly handsome. 

He’s got dark expressive eyes, soft-looking pink lips, and a sharp jawline that complement his lean figure. You understand why the staff are enamored by him even from afar and - if the rumors about him are true - why women would shoot their shot with him at clubs, in hopes they’d be the lucky one he’d choose to be with for the night.

The illusion breaks, though, as he turns to you with a hardened gaze. 

“I’m sure I’ll find something that’s missing,” he states.

“If they’re relevant and necessary, I can have the files ready by today,” you respond, knowing full well that you’ve included every possible document that would be of use to him. 

“I’ll be the judge of what’s relevant and necessary, Ms. Cho,” he counters. 

“Of course, Mr. Jeon,” you say, conceding. “Whatever it is, then I’ll make sure to have them ready for you as soon as possible.”

Jungkook hums in response, turning his attention to the HR documents this time, breezing through the text and ignoring your brief explanations of the contents before signing at the bottom of the pages. You inform him of sections he’s missed, and he groans at having been corrected but you don’t mind. He’s the one who chose to do all this now and in here, in front of his father and his cousin.

Once he’s done, he hands you the signed files and holds your gaze. “Is there anything else, Ms. Cho?”

“I suppose that is all, Mr. Jeon. Unless there are other things you want to assess, or people you want to ensure are qualified to assist you with your functions,” you say. 

Jungkook huffs in displeasure. You can sense the tension build, as irritation paints his face. It’s at that moment that his father chimes in, suggesting that you introduce him to his team.

“You can maybe also orient him on the current projects and partnerships,” the older man says. 

“That can wait. I’ve had enough of engaging for today,” Jungkook responds, his voice cold, detached. 

“In that case, let me lead you to your floor, Mr. Jeon.”

You step back and wait for him to walk ahead, before you excuse yourself from the older men. You don’t miss the sorry looks on their faces, and you give them a smile as if to say that it’s fine, that Jungkook’s someone you can handle, and his obvious displeasure towards having you as his assistant doesn’t faze you. It doesn’t change the fact that you wish he wasn’t your boss though, or at least, that he wasn’t such a jerk like what he’s being right now.

Walking behind him as you both head towards the elevator, you see the way he carries himself - hands in the pockets of his sleek black trousers, his eyes focused straight ahead, nothing like Hoseok who was always gesticulating as he spoke to you every time you walked side-by-side from one place to another.    

Jungkook stands in front of the doors, seemingly waiting for you to press the buttons and you do it before he could even express his annoyance. You stand in front this time, then make sure you hold the doors open for him to exit, and you resume your spot behind him as you walk down the hallway. 

“On the left are two small meeting rooms and one conference room,” you start, thankful that there’s not much to tour him around on this floor, given that everything is exclusive to the Vice President. “On the right is a seating room, and up ahead is an archive room. Down the—”

“I’ve been here before, Ms. Cho,” Jungkook interjects as he looks at you blankly. “This is my family’s building; I’m very much aware of how the floors look like.”

Not rattled by his disruption, you nod and smile, wanting to show him that whatever intimidation or humiliation he’s trying to make you feel isn’t gonna work on you. You know if you show any sign of frustration, that will just give him a reason to have you replaced and despite your clear dislike for the man, you need this job, especially this position that allows you to pay your rent in a safe part of town and send money to your family every month. At this point, that’s the only thing that will keep you going.

Approaching the management support office, you walk faster and make sure to enter the room before he does, signaling the team with your eyes that their new boss is coming, your silently frantic gaze telling them to be on their best behavior because their usual antics won’t work on Jungkook the way they did with Hoseok. 

Once Jungkook appears, everyone bows and greets him, and you can sense them holding their breaths as they look up, taking him all in. You see him eye each person, and you can tell he’s already assessing them individually. You take it upon yourself to introduce each one, stating their name, where they studied and what course they took, describing their primary role in the team and their specific strengths. You see him follow your words, nodding and humming as you go, and you think he’s processing the information and making sure he remembers them. 

There are no pleasantries; Jungkook just goes straight to the point. 

“I’m sure you have concerns about having a new boss and the changes that come along with it. But I’m here to tell you now that you should get over whatever those are, as I’d like the adjustment period to be as short as possible,” he starts. “My cousin is brilliant at his job and so am I, but we work very differently, so whatever you got used to doing with and for him, don’t expect the same with me. I demand excellence and efficiency from each one of you because that’s what I commit myself to and that’s the only way that this team will be able to do its job. Am I clear?”

“Yes, sir,” the team answers in unison. 

“We commit to those as well, Mr. Jeon,” Manager Lee says. “As the head of your support team, I will make sure that all our deliverables are of high quality and that things will run smoothly so that we may properly do our job of assisting you.”

“That’s good, and that’s what I expect,” Jungkook says, nodding at everyone before walking out the door to head to his office, with you trailing him from behind. 

“Is my room still being sanitized?” He turns to you. 

“Yes, sir.”

“Why did it need to be sanitized? And why today?”

“It’s protocol, sir. We also had a sendoff for Mr. Jung yesterday so the room smelled of food. And he instructed for this to be done today so that I don’t need to come here tomorrow, as he doesn’t like any of his staff working during the weekend,” you reply. “This should be finished this afternoon. I’ve also purchased the oil for your diffusers. The room will be ready for you by Monday.”

Jungkook merely hums and looks around, specifically at your designated area with your desk and shelves at the back, then takes a call before turning to you again to say that he’s heading out to meet his friends.

“Is there anything else you need, Mr. Jeon?” You ask, thankful that you don’t have to deal with him for the rest of the day.

“No.”

“Okay then, sir. I’ll meet you at your apartment at 6:30 AM on Monday. Is that time alright?”

“Sure,” he responds, then turns around and starts walking out. “Just keep your phone on. I work during the weekend.”

He’s gone before you can even respond, and you rush to the support office once you’ve heard the elevator ding that indicates that he’s gone. When you get there, you’re greeted with everyone’s frowns, with Do-hyun close to tears.

“I don’t like him, ___. He looks so unapproachable and too serious!” She complains. “I miss Mr. Jung. Is there an opening in his team? Should I just resign?”

“Aish!” You reprimand her. “Don’t speak like that. And don’t let those few minutes determine everything for you.”

“Well, those few minutes are enough to tell me that I don’t like him. No matter how good-looking he is,” Chin-sun says.

“He is, right!” Do-hyun chirps now, a complete 180 from seconds ago. “I’ve seen him around but I didn’t think he’d be even more handsome up close! It just sucks that he’s a grinch and that makes all the difference. Maybe that’s why he doesn’t have a girlfriend! He’s probably too snobby and—”

“Yah! You really need to stop it with those rumors,” you scold her this time. “That’s your boss. His personal life is none of our business. Where do you even hear these things?”

“Every washroom in this building, basically. Staff are always gossiping there, you know?” Do-hyun responds. 

“And since when do we listen to gossip,” you scowl at her. “Sure, he’s not our favorite person right now but we don’t have the right to make claims about aspects of his life. And where are people even getting those ideas!”

“People talk, I guess,” she shrugs. “And he’s often spotted in clubs with those Kim brothers so maybe they see things. I’m not saying they’re all accurate… just that rumors often have some truth to them, you know?”

“No, I don’t, and we shouldn’t be sticking our noses in places where they shouldn’t be,” you say.

“Fine, but it’s just a heads up,” Do-hyun says, turning serious now. “You’re his executive assistant, and you have no choice but to stick your nose in places because personal and professional lines are often blurred in your situation, and that’s just how our world’s set up.”

“She’s right,” Chin-sun chimes in. “I mean, you need to know his personal schedule, go to his apartment, do errands if you need to, maybe buy a box of condoms if he runs out… You just got lucky that Mr. Jung’s pretty chill and has a wife who’s even nicer than he is. Your only problem was that he was damn scared of everything that moved and wasn't human.”

You’d laugh at the last statement if you could, but you know they’re both right. Hoseok wasn’t perfect, and neither was his marriage, but it never reached a point where you had to be put in a compromising position because you were his assistant who, by nature of your work, had to be privy to some of his personal matters. The most involved you were was when he and A-yeong had an argument and they used you as their messenger, but even that was more of a miscommunication issue than anything serious. They apologized to you after and promised to never put you in that kind of situation again.

But with Jungkook as a single man, you’re unsure what personal business you’d end up being involved in. You just wish it wasn’t something that would test your principles and cause you to lose your job. Regardless, whatever that would be isn’t something you can even really talk about with others.

“Well, I don’t wanna think about any of that right now,” you sigh, knowing you’ve got enough to worry about, such as how you’re going to start surviving everyday assisting a man who clearly doesn’t want you around. 

But if he’s gonna be a hard-head about it, then you’re just going to have to match him. You got to where you are because you’re determined to prove yourself constantly, and you’ll just show him that he needs you, and he doesn’t really have a choice unless he wants to argue with his father. 

You try to encourage your team once more and give Do-hyun that rare hug in comfort before going back to your desk, intent on finishing all the presentations for your briefing with Jungkook next week. You begin setting up his room by mid-afternoon, using a photo of his Singapore office as a basis since you were told that he prefers a certain style for his furniture and decor. You’re no stylist but over an hour after you finish, you think you did pretty good. You were so into designing the space that you didn’t notice the time fly by; before you know it, it’s 6PM, because you can hear A-yeong right outside calling for you.

“Hi,” she chirps, hugging you in greeting. “Are you ready?”

“I’ll just pack my things,” you say, walking to your desk. 

A-yeong takes a peek at the room and praises your efforts. “This looks so different from how it used to be. And that’s good because those cousins have such different tastes. But I think Jungkook will like this. He’s into the masculine and moody vibe, so good job, ___.”

You know that despite her kindness, she wouldn’t lie, and you could only hope that she’s right. You think it looks nice, but it’s what he thinks that matters; you’ll just have to wait until Monday to find out. 

As you’re about to leave, Hoseok appears in the hallway and asks how you are. Your scowl pretty much gives you away.

“I’m sorry about Jungkook, ___. He’s stubborn and a hot-head sometimes but he isn’t always like that, and this isn’t me making excuses for him,” your former boss says. 

“Why, what did he do?” A-yeong asks worriedly. 

“Basically implied that I’m not qualified for this role, among other things,” you respond. “But it’s okay. Not like I haven’t heard that before.”

“And you know that’s not true,” Hoseok comforts you. “He’s not good with change, that’s all, and you know how these appointments were all pretty short notice and he’s just been frustrated ever since. But whatever it is he said, don’t take them to heart. He’ll get a word from me, and he’ll definitely get one from his father.”

You want to say that it’s not easy to just disregard what Jungkook said; he’s your boss after all, and all that matters is what he thinks about you. But you’re not one to air out these feelings to Hoseok now that you’ve experienced a bit of what it’s like, so you just shake your head and ask the older man to let it go.

“He’s probably just tired,” you make an excuse this time, not wanting to discuss further with Hoseok. “And he had that assistant for over five years. I can understand wanting that familiarity and convenience. I’m just gonna have to adjust; there are a lot of things going on right now and he’ll need to focus on the projects, not his compatibility with his assistant.”

“But that matters though,” Hoseok insists. “I got things done because we worked well together. He’s gonna have to meet you in the middle with this one. And I’ll make sure that he does.”

“I know you said you want to look out for me but I don’t think it’s a good idea if you intervene this time, Mr. Jung,” you say, letting him know you’re serious and you mean business. “I’ll be okay, don’t worry about me.”

You give him a comforting smile, and you hope it’s enough to quell Hoseok’s own worries and it works this time. He returns it before letting you and his wife go, and it’s the Thai dinner and incredible desserts that somehow make up for your not-so-great day. 

You think the weekend will give you the peace you need to face your dreaded week - you do your errands and chores on Saturday and go to the market and watch a movie by yourself in the cinema the next day. 

All it took was a text from Jungkook that Sunday evening, asking for copies of certain policies and disapproved proposals from the last five years, that just had to ruin it, as you spend the entire evening consolidating the files, making you already wish it was Friday.

Jungkook’s apartment building is one of the Jeon properties that you haven’t been to yet, as it’s one of the newer massive residential structures that they built three years ago. You enter the sleek-looking lobby then submit your documents at the reception in exchange for your own access, and you internally marvel at how luxurious everything looks. 

You get to the 42nd floor, and it seems that there are only two units here. You walk towards the one on the right, choosing to be on the safe side by ringing the doorbell. It’s Monday, after all, and it’s your first time here; you don’t want to just enter without him permitting you to do so. 

You’re about to press the button again after a minute of no response, when the door opens and you take a moment to process the sight before you. 

There, standing just a few feet away, is Jungkook with nothing but a pair of black gym shorts on, his taut chest glistening in sweat, and his entire right arm covered in black and colored ink. His hair is damp and ruffled, and it’s probably due to the boxing he’d just done, as evidenced by the wraps on his knuckles and the way he’s panting heavily. 

You get your senses back and look away, not wanting to look affected by his half-naked form, even if you’re the one who has to catch her breath this time because much as you dislike the man, you can’t deny that his body is something that definitely deserves to be praised. 

“You’re here,” he speaks first, surprise laced in his voice as he takes in your obviously flustered form.

“I asked if 6:30 AM was a good time to come, Mr. Jeon,” you answer, glancing at him before looking at whatever you could behind him. “Perhaps I misheard your confirmation. I can wait downstairs if you’re not yet done with your exercise. My apologies for coming in early.”

You don’t actually have anything to be sorry for; he did confirm the time, and he’s the one who decided that working out at this hour was a good idea, knowing that his assistant’s scheduled to come. You would’ve appreciated it if he says you don’t need to apologize, but he doesn’t.

“It’s fine, I just finished,” he huffs. 

He leaves the door open for you to enter then heads straight to the large room on the right, which looks to be an indoor gym. You allow yourself a few seconds to look at his retreating form, quietly gasping as his broad shoulders and slender waist blind you a little, then scolding yourself for doing so. You stay rooted by the kitchen and look around the spacious penthouse as you wait for him to return. He exits the gym wearing a loose white shirt now, combing his hair with his fingers as he drinks a bottle of water.

“So, Mr. Jeon, uh, I would prepare Mr. Jung’s outfits for the week and then help his house staff make his breakfast. I run down his schedule as he eats. Are you okay with the same arrangement?” 

“Sure. I just don’t have any staff with me so you’re on your own. I’m fine with anything though. I’m not usually hungry in the morning,” he says before walking to the other side of the apartment.

You follow him, careful not to enter spaces you’re not given permission to, which is why you stand by his bedroom door before asking to come in. 

“How will you prepare my clothes from there?” He huffs. “Of course you can enter. Just be done before I finish taking a shower.”

You nod shyly and then head to the walk-in closet that thankfully has a separate door from the bathroom. He’s already unpacked his clothes, although not everything has been organized. You spot a few suits that are ready to wear, and you fix those first, taking note of asking him if there are things he wants dry cleaned or pressed. 

You leave his bedroom in time, hearing him slide open the door as you make it out, and proceed to make his breakfast. There’s really not much you can create with what little he has, so you make do with eggs and toast and whatever spread you find in his cupboard.

Jungkook walks into the kitchen not long after, the dark gray suit looking immaculate on him as you expected. Spotting his crooked necktie, you immediately walk up to him to fix it, unaware of how he holds his breath with how close you are. Noticing his body stiffen, you step back right away, apologizing for not asking permission first. 

He looks away and says it’s fine, then sits on the spot at the dining table where you’ve set up his meal. He stares at it for a good few seconds, prompting you to explain yourself.

“That’s… that’s all I could make with what you have, Mr. Jeon,” you say. “I can arrange for online groceries for you, as well as dry clean and pressing for your clothes and—”

“I’m having someone come in to clean my place and do all of that,” he says, as he takes a bite of his food. “So, what’s my week like?”

You start to enumerate the conference and lunch meetings he’ll be having this week, including who they’ll be with and their purpose. They’re mostly with the department leads to discuss updates on processes and current projects, and you’re thankful that Hoseok involved you as much as he did, given that Jungkook’s questions are more specific than you expected. 

Sure, he’s a Jeon and obviously works in the same company, but the Southeast Asian projects are different from the ones being implemented in South Korea, and while he used to oversee overall compliance to design standards, he’ll now be in-charge of setting those very standards this time. As Vice President, he’ll be involved in crafting policies; he’s also free to manage his own construction projects, and that’s what the support team is for. Given his much more expansive role this time, there are more departments and projects to oversee, and definitely more executive decisions to make. 

You suppose it’s why his questions don’t stop, even after he’s cleaned up and you both find yourselves in the backseat of the car and on the way to the office. He looks through the iPad with all the files you gave him, and you see the notes he’s made on them as you turn to him to answer his queries. Even if you know that he’s also still assessing you - perhaps on your knowledge and attention to detail - you can’t help but admire his thoroughness. You may have also cursed him in frustration for making you work on a Sunday, but he seems to have done way more than you, given that he went through all the documents over the weekend. You suddenly don’t feel too annoyed. 

But of course, he has to ruin it again.

“I need these annotated versions of the project and departmental documents ready before my meetings with the respective teams,” Jungkook says, his voice low and stern. “And I expect progress reports to be as detailed as possible, so make sure to check them first before they get to me. The ones you gave need revisions. I believe you’re trained enough to know immediately that these are lacking.”

“Yes, sir,” you respond, noting his instructions on your notebook while internally yelling, given that you’re unsure of the need for them before the meetings. 

Surely, he could give you some time to work on them, but with a meeting with one team in the afternoon and seven more the rest of the week, and on top of the other things you need to do for him, you already know you’ll be cramming to get everything done. 

You try to manage your breathing. Somehow, your habit of pressing your nails against your palm when you're stressed has miraculously come back today. It was something you developed while working under Mrs. Byun, which you eventually got over after working for Hoseok. You feel the anxiety build up, especially as you look at the half crescent marks on your skin, and it’s times like this that you wish your best friends were based in Seoul instead of Busan, so you’d at least have people to comfort you when things are a little tough. 

It’s not to say that work wasn’t overwhelming before. It definitely was, but Hoseok always found a way to make everything bearable and he was always reasonable with what he demanded of you. Now you’re stuck with a man who already makes you feel like your hard work isn’t enough. 

You make it to the office with no other words said and a thick tension in the air. It follows you to the elevator and into Jungkook’s room, where he dismisses you so he can prepare for the first meeting of the day. You rush to your desk and get on with your tasks, making sure to work on the annotated project file that he needs by the afternoon. 

It’s an hour later when you find yourself in the conference room for the meeting with the management support team. You prepped them just 10 minutes earlier, and while you tried to hide your frustration, your unusual lack of energy told them enough that it wasn’t exactly a good start of the day. 

They come in one by one, and you take the time to prepare Jungkook’s coffee, remembering from his former assistant’s notes how he wants it. He’d put it off earlier, given that he prefers to drink his protein shake after his workout, so this is the first time you’re doing it for him.

His eyes flit from the coffee in front of him to you as you place it on the table.

“Two espresso shots and half teaspoon each of milk and sugar,” you state, wanting to confirm that you got it right.

He merely takes a sip, places it down again, and then starts the meeting. 

How bold of you to assume that he’d thank you or even acknowledge it, as if he’d shown you even the tiniest amount of gratitude for anything you've done for him since Friday. Which he hasn’t. 

You let it go and proceed to sit next to him, your eyes and ears ready for what you already predict is gonna be a long meeting. 

It ends over three hours later. As you expected, he had a lot of questions. He made sure that each member had time to explain their current tasks and how they will monitor the projects assigned to them. You didn’t miss the way he’d acknowledged them with “good” and “well done,” and thanked them after they finished. He only nodded at you after your turn, with his eyes barely meeting yours, and for all the confidence you built over the past three years, you can’t process how it’s his non-acknowledgment that’s just going to undo all that. And quite frankly, you’re unsure if that’s on him or if that’s on you. 

Half of the meeting was spent discussing the big project that he wants to take on as Vice President. There’s a property they recently acquired - a non-operational arts center that he wants to revive by adding a performance hall, small theaters, a grand library, function rooms, and a permanent exhibition presenting the buildings that his family had developed over the years to showcase their architectural designs. 

You saw the excitement in your team members’ faces. Hoseok took over with several unfinished projects so you all had to focus on those. Aside from Manager Lee, this is the first time that you’re all handling something new and different. Even you felt the excitement creep in, a welcome emotion given how your day’s been going, but that shattered once he said that he wants it done by June of next year in time for an International Media Festival happening in August. The 12-month period he’s giving is too short with everything he wants to do, and you saw that the team felt the same. 

You go to them after Jungkook leaves for a lunch meeting, and their sighs and pouty faces tell you enough. Mr. Lee does his job of encouraging the team, and you add that you’re all gonna be supporting each other through it all. Sure, you’d have to match Jungkook’s ambition and thoroughness, but you should all take it as a challenge. 

You’re clearly not convinced yourself as the words come out of your mouth, but you don’t have time to debrief with them, as you still have that meeting with the design department that you have to prepare for. You take two biscuits and a cup of tea, and you decide that this is enough to last you throughout lunch, given that you’ll be spending the entirety of it working on the files. 

You don’t realize that an hour and a half have passed until you hear footsteps and see Jungkook’s form appear in the hallway. You stand to greet him, with him asking if you’re done with the annotated documents. 

“I’ll send it in five minutes, sir,” you say, hoping he’ll at least give you that. 

“Okay,” he responds. “Come to my office after you’ve sent it.”

“Yes, sir,” you say, quickly finishing the last two pages once he closes the door. 

You rush to get everything done and click send, then you head to his office and prepare yourself for more questions. It’s quiet inside as you watch him behind the desk, with his legs crossed and his eyebrows furrowed as he reads the document. You answer one of his questions and it’s at that moment when your very empty stomach decides to make itself known.

You freeze on your spot, as the grumbling sound starts low, getting louder for a few beats before it temporarily stops. Your eyes widen in embarrassment, and you press your belly so hard with your fingers in hopes that that would do anything, even if you’re too far gone at this point. Your only hope is that it was all in your head, but Jungkook’s eyes flitting to you tells you otherwise. The only other sound in his room is the air purifier, but it’s not remotely loud enough to drown out your intense hunger. 

It goes again, and all you can do is look away; humiliating yourself was definitely not the plan for your first day as Jeon Jungkook’s assistant.

“Do you need to step away, Ms. Cho?” He asks, not meeting your eyes. 

“Oh, it’s not… uh,” a bowel emergency or something, you want to say. “I just had a busy lunch break.” 

You settle for that, a hint that you’d spent its entirety doing something in such a short notice. Hoseok would always be apologetic whenever he had you do something during your break; he always made up for it with a nice meal as thanks. You doubt you’d get anything close to that from this man.

Jungkook hums and surprisingly doesn’t ask for anything else. He dismisses you and orders you to go ahead and prepare the conference room for the next meeting, and you do just that, dropping by the pantry for a muffin that you eat in four bites, in hopes that it would be enough to shut your stomach for the next three hours. 

Right as you exit, Jungkook picks up his phone to make a call. And then another one.

“Mr. Ri, please pick up the pastries that Ms. Cho ordered at the food hall,” he instructs his chauffeur. “She’s too busy right now.”

“Will do, Mr. Jeon.”

Taking minutes of a meeting when you’re starving is not a good thing. You know this because you’ve done this so many times, like during monthly executive meetings and the quarterly board meetings that have you spread out thin. It’s also not rare to miss out on lunch because there’s a report to finish or a site to visit; during events, you go on a day with having barely eaten anything. 

But just because you’re used to it, it doesn’t mean that your body has fully adapted, because here you are, eyeing the croissants in front of you, your mouth watering at the gloss and softness of the pastry. They’re so tempting and also out of reach, given that you need to be entirely focused on the discussion that you’re documenting, and munching on something is out of the question. You don’t even know where this is from and you think maybe the design department called for snacks but it’s really not helping your concentration.

You hope the way you’re nibbling your lips doesn’t give you away, but Yoongi from across the table picks it up, as you get a notification of his message.

[From: Min Yoongi] you didn’t have lunch, did you? 

You ignore the prompt on your laptop and respond to him with a look instead. You know your pouty lips will give him his answer, and he merely shakes his head at the confirmation. 

You do your best to shut out the sight and scent of the food before you, absorbing instead the discussion so you can note this down properly with just minimal edits needed. You have a lot of documents to work on for the next few days after all, and that’s on top of the file reorganization that Jungkook asked you to do. 

It works after you hang on by a thread for two and a half hours, a little earlier than you expected to finish. All you want is to sneak out that croissant and maybe some tarts, too, but your heart breaks when you look up and find the boxes empty. 

You let out a sigh, relieved that your boss didn’t hear you because he’s already on the phone and heading out the door. But it’s that same time that a plate of food appears in front of you, and it feels like the gates of heaven have opened. You’re not surprised anymore to find out who it’s from.

“Eat,” Yoongi says from next to you. “I could see your hands shaking from across the table.”

“What about you?” You ask, your lips in a pout once more. 

“You know I don’t eat these things,” he shrugs.

He doesn’t, and you know this, too. You also know he called dibs on these earlier, seeing as his staff were quick to get them, and he’d saved these so he could give them to you. 

“Ten years later and you’re still trying to make sure I eat, huh?” You say, nudging him with your hips to tease.

“If I don’t, who would?” He responds, walking out of the conference room with you. “You have a bad habit of not doing that.”

“Well, duty calls. What can I do?” 

“Take care of yourself even if it’s hard,” he replies. 

“Says the man who rarely does it himself,” you chuckle. 

“You know, the best advice I give are the ones I don’t actually follow, so disregard the fact that I don’t even do what I say because they apparently work,” he says. “But I mean it, ___. Eat this now.”

“Thanks, Yoongi,” you smile, taking a piece of pastry and eating it in two bites. 

Your puffed out cheeks cause him to laugh, and despite still being hungry after this, you suppose it’s enough to not make you faint at this moment. 

“And eat a proper dinner, okay?” He follows up.

“I’ll be off late, so I’ll just grab something from the convenience store,” you say. “That’s as proper as I can afford tonight.”

“Aish, fine,” he shakes his head. “But let me get you coffee at least. Those tarts won’t taste as good without one.”

“That would be life-saving,” you dramatically say. “What did I do to deserve a friend like you?”

“Don’t know. I mean, I’m not that great,” he shrugs. 

You playfully roll your eyes. “I’ll save the compliments once I have the coffee.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” he feigns annoyance, gesturing for you to get back to your desk then walking the other direction. 

You take your seat and clean up the document, deciding that you’ll just review the meeting minutes tomorrow so you can get on with other pressing matters. It’s 20 minutes later when Yoongi returns, a tall cup of coffee on one hand and a banana loaf on the other.

“This is all they have left,” he says. “I hope it can last you until tonight.”

“It will,” you smile. “Thank you again. No one looks out for me here as much as you do. And that means a lot, more than you know. I don’t think I would’ve survived all these years without you.”

“Wow, all because of coffee and snacks,” he laughs, teasing. 

“It’s a fair trade. You feed me during my greatest need, I boost your ego,” you tease back. 

“Yeah, whatever,” Yoongi huffs in submission, but you know he enjoys it. 

You’re thankful that after everything that’s happened, you’re still able to maintain the friendship that you created when you were a mere intern and he was just starting out his career. 

“Anyway, I’m quickly meeting Jungkook and I need the portfolio of the contemporary arts institution joint project from 2019. It was VP-led so I assume it’s still here? Unless it’s in the archive room,” he continues.

“It’s within five years so it should be here,” you say, turning to the shelf behind you to confirm. 

You spot what you need and make the attempt to pull it out but your fingers barely even touch the rack.

“Need help?” Yoongi asks.

“And what help could you give, huh?” You tease again, earning you a playful groan.

“You brat.”

You laugh and pull out the small stool you keep for times like this. 

“Just make sure I don’t fall and embarrass myself further today,” you say, climbing up the steps then pulling out the heavy folder. 

You feel Yoongi’s arm move from where it was near your waist to over your head, as he lightens the load. You both try to balance it and laugh at your distorted faces in the process, and it’s moments of relief like this one that you’re glad you’re afforded after a long day like today. 

From inside the room, Jungkook sees you through the window, your eyes crinkling as you laugh along with Yoongi, head of the design department and one of his very few friends in the company. It catches him off guard, as he realizes that since meeting you last Friday, he’s never seen you laugh, much less smile or even have an expression that isn’t agitated or serious.

He knows that that’s probably on him. He’d spoken ill of you after all, something he regretted once he saw the frustration on your face when you made it known that you were in the room with them and had definitely heard everything he said. But he’d been tired and HR confirmed that he could bring Lucas over as his assistant; CEO Jeon was the one who vetoed that decision. 

Jungkook had already mentally prepared himself for the ease of his transition, knowing that he’d be assisted by someone who knows how he works and the quality of outputs he expects, only to come here and be told by his father that the current staff will stay, and that you - someone he’d only heard of as Hoseok’s assistant - will be the one assisting him from now on. Your resume didn’t even impress him.

Jungkook doesn’t like change and when he has to undergo it, he needs as much of what was familiar and convenient to remain; that’s the only bit of control he can have and he hates not being in control of things. You just happened to unluckily be at the receiving end of his anger.

But unlike what he expected, you stood up to him in the subtle ways you could. He’s been so used to people just following him, partly because his way is always the best but also because he commands that respect, and he knows his capabilities enough to know that he deserves it as well. So when you answered back, he felt rattled and just a little bit uneasy. He was unable to backtrack after, but he didn’t really plan to.

That doesn’t mean that he didn’t plan on being a bit of a jerk today, too. He’d been exhausted working over the weekend after going through all the files you gave him that he snoozed his alarm so many times and ended up doing his workout later than he intended. When you rang the doorbell and stood by his door with your skirt and satin top, he suddenly felt lightheaded.

He mentally smacked himself once the thought that your pastel colored outfit brought out your eyes more than the monochrome ensemble from last week floated in his head. He just hated that not only are you thorough with your work, you have to be beautiful, too. He’d never admit to anyone that both of those things make him nervous, and it’s the only reason why he thinks he needs to establish his authority so that he doesn’t get rattled the next time you counter him.

That’s why he demanded more work, which he didn’t intend to take up so much of your time, like your lunch break. He’d seen how your hands shook while you were taking notes during the meeting, prompting him to end the meeting early so you can have something to eat of what he’d bought but he’d left before he could find out if there was anything left for you. 

Maybe there wasn’t enough, as he also witnessed Yoongi hand you what seemed like food with coffee that the man also got for you just minutes ago. The smile you gave him was bright and sincere. Jungkook doesn’t think he’d ever see that directed at him, considering how he’d been to you on his first day, but maybe that’s also good; that could be his defense. Maybe it’d help quell that initial attraction that he doesn’t want and cannot allow at all to grow.

It doesn’t mean it doesn’t agitate him to see you a bit too close with his friend, because with the way you seem so comfortable and with the way that Yoongi sports that rare smile, it almost feels like there’s something there.

Jungkook is the son of the CEO, and having personal relationships within the company isn’t exactly advisable, but he’d gone to university with Yoongi and their introverted personalities instantly clicked. The older man is perhaps the only non-relative company employee that Jungkook kept in touch with when he was in Singapore, not that he even really talked much to his family outside of work anyway.

But in all the years of their friendship, his friend never mentioned any relationship - nor the makings of one - with another staff member. Jungkook hates how his curiosity is slowly getting to him. Maybe a few more moments would tell him more, but something about the scene happening outside his room is making him nervous and uneasy, so he decides to step in.

“Hey, Yoon,” he says as he opens the door. “Can we discuss now? I have to meet my parents for dinner in an hour.”

Your bubble with Yoongi bursts at the sound of Jungkook’s voice, and you immediately return to your seat. Your friend nods at you then enters the room, leaving you the peace and quiet you need to plop down on the floor for a quick snack of your loaf before going back to work, glancing inside every once in a while to see how the two are going, and perhaps confirm the friendship that you didn’t expect the two would have.

“This building is a good starting point,” Yoongi agrees with Jungkook. “If this is the general feel you want for the Arts Center, I can look into other projects and designs and come up with ideas. I’ll just ask ___ for the files I need.”

“You two seem close,” Jungkook says too quickly. 

Leaning back against the chair, Yoongi processes the question that he didn’t expect he’d hear. More than that, he tries to read what’s underneath it, knowing that his friend’s tone of voice and feigned stoic expression mean something more.

“You could say that,” Yoongi replies. “She did say that no one’s looked out for her here as much as I have. And that she wouldn’t have survived all these years without me.”

“So you’re actually friends?”

“Yes.”

“Were you more?”

Yoongi chuckles, the question giving him the answer he’s looking for. Jungkook may often be too serious but he can be transparent sometimes, too.

“Does it matter?” The older man asks.

“Just don’t want to be surprised, that’s all,” Jungkook shrugs. “If there’s an employee relationship happening under my nose, I should at least know.”

“It happens here a lot,” Yoongi responds. “I mean, it gives people something to gossip about but it’s how things are - work sucks sometimes and we want someone to hold at the end of a terrible day.”

Feeling like he won’t get an answer to a question that Jungkook doesn’t know why he felt the need to ask in the first place, he just shakes his head to concede. 

But it’s what prompts Yoongi to reply. 

“We met when she was just an intern,” he says. “We used to take the same bus then found out we both came from Daegu. Then she was employed and we were both on the logistics team before I was reassigned and she got the EA role.”

Jungkook merely hums, taking in the information.

“I also asked her out before,” Yoongi continues, earning him a surprised look from the younger man. “You just can’t help what you feel sometimes, you know?  But she turned me down, said she didn’t want to lead me on because she didn’t feel anything more. She also doesn’t like being involved with a co-worker, so yeah.”

“How are you still friends?”

“Asks the guy who’s still friends with his ex,” Yoongi laughs.

“Chaerin and I are civil, there’s a difference. And we haven’t spoken in years.”

“You loved her, though,” Yoongi counters. “I never got to that point.”

“This isn’t about me,” Jungkook huffs. 

Knowing it’s a topic that his friend doesn’t like talking about, Yoongi relents. “I moved on. That was years ago,” he says. “And it seemed like she needed someone. I mean, she’s not from here and her friends aren’t here, either. She appreciated the friendship even if she said she didn’t think she deserved it. I guess that made me really get over her, you know? That’s all she wanted and needed from me; it was better than not having her around.”

“How brave,” Jungkook remarks. 

“You mean mature?” Yoongi corrects. “Yes, that’s what I am, and it’s the best I could be for her. Especially since she’s got a boss who makes her miss lunch because somehow, there’s just so much to do for your first day on the job.”

“Don’t remind me,” Jungkook groans. 

“I will. Only so you could feel bad.”

“I already do. That’s why I…”

“Bought the pastries,” Yoongi finishes. “I mean, I didn’t order them.”

“Was any even left for her?” Jungkook sighs, remembering how he was internally screaming for you to just get from the box and he’d been the jerk to not offer you some even if it was technically for you.

“Sort of. I put some aside for myself so I could give them to her.”

“You sure you don’t like her anymore?” Jungkook cocks an eyebrow, an attempt to hide his uneasiness over something he doesn’t understand. He finds you attractive, that’s it. He doesn’t know why his mind searches for more answers.

“You don’t have to like someone romantically to be nice to them, you know?” Yoongi responds. “And she needed it. Heavens know the support she’d need now that she has to deal with your rude ass.”

Jungkook sighs, but the remark is a welcome one because he did tell Yoongi not to treat him differently just because he’s the Vice President now. He also partly agrees. But he sees the effort; his friend wouldn’t call him out for how he does things, so the most he would do is offer help to you. And Jungkook could maybe take advantage of that, as Yoongi stands up to leave.

“Hey, could you, uh, grab dinner for her at the food hall? And not say it’s from me?”

“The food hall’s closed,” Yoongi says.

“The cafe down the street, then?”

“You can’t be fucking serious,” the older man groans. 

But Yoongi knows his friend, knows the distance he creates from the people around him, knows his need to have control over everything, including his feelings, and knows the walls he builds because it’s easier to keep others out rather than do the hard task of letting them into a space that’s become comfortable because he’s been the only one inside for so long.

So Yoongi does as he’s asked. He takes the money then heads to the cafe to order pork cutlets and curry. He returns and sets them on your desk to your surprise, and you ask what it’s for.

“Just thought you deserve more than just convenience store instant noodles and gimbap given the day you’ve had,” he says. 

“Hey, those are delicious,” you pout, but wanting to melt at how good the rice bowl smells. “But thank you, again. I owe you a lot, Yoongi. I mean it.”

“Just make sure to eat on time so I don’t have to buy your dinner again,” he teases. “I mean it. You have to stay healthy, okay?”

“Okay,” you smile brightly. “Get home safe tonight.”

Jungkook glances out the window and holds back a smile himself at how innocent and genuinely happy you look. There’s this joy that you seem to enjoy to yourself and he sees that, he understands that. And somehow that’s enough to lessen the guilt for now. 

He still doesn’t know if he’ll ever see that smile directed at him or if he’d ever want that because of how disarming it is. But seeing it from afar is enough; it’s trivial and short enough to let him bask in it without having to climb out of his walls. He’ll watch you from behind, he thinks. He just wishes he doesn’t push you away in the process.

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[threeletterslife]

34 | Legends of Darlaria

⨰ summary: You wake up in yet another unfamiliar place. This time, however, these strangers seem to recognize you. With your previous judgments and aspirations thrown out the window, you're now forced to face where your loyalties really lie. Who will you betray? And which General will you choose to stand by his side?

⨰ pairing/rating: yoongi x reader & jungkook x reader | PG-15

⨰ genre: 70% angst, 30% fluff | war!au & magic!au

⨰ warnings: profanity

⨰ wordcount: 8.9k

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⧖⧗Many, Many Circas Ago⧗⧖

His name was Jungkook. No one knew his last name. No one even knew where he came from; they said the 19-year-old showed up one day in the 12th city, eager to work with ragged clothes and hopeful doe eyes that they simply couldn’t refuse. 

He was shy, didn’t speak much but did good work as a varlet. His job mostly consisted of setting up the duels for the cadets and cleaning up after them in the barracks, but somehow you’d never crossed paths before. Hajin did say he was fairly new when you asked her about the mysterious doe-eyed boy wandering around the training grounds.

“Yeah, a recent hire, I think,” she said, then crinkled her eyebrows. “Why? Do you like him?” she said with a lilt to her voice that implied that she was teasing you.

“N-No!” you sputtered, feeling your face heating up. “Just curious.”

The curiosity continued for days as you began seeing him everywhere.

You saw him as you entered the training grounds at the crack of dawn, wiping the wooden dummies clean. You saw him as you began running your laps around the field, tending to the orchard, picking himself an apple when he thought no one was looking. You saw him diligently serving lunch, which usually consisted of some combination of meat, bread, and corn. You even saw him setting up an arena for a duel once. You were only passing by, but you made eye contact then, and both of you paused to stare before you looked away and headed off in the opposite direction, your cheeks growing too hot for your liking. 

It was only the last day of Circa Opal—the trees were nearly bare and the winds were chillier than ever—when he approached you. You were wrapping a black scarf around your neck, picking up a few of your belongings to head over to the castle for the night when you saw him. You froze, your fingers hovering around the warm wool around your neck as you stared at him. His face was backlit by the setting sun, and he was glowing once more. Your breath hitched as he approached closer.

“Hi,” he said.

It was the most breathtaking thing anyone had ever spoken to you.

“Hi,” you replied, though you didn’t know how you were getting any words out.

“I…” He fidgeted with his hands. “I’ve seen you around.”

“Yes… Um, so have I.”

There was an awkward bit of silence.

“I’m sorry.” “Do you want to walk around in the orchard?”

The two of you spoke simultaneously and the result was a jumbled mess of words. Embarrassed, you began tugging at the scarf around your neck, cheeks heating up.

“What are you sorry for?” he asked, eyes wide with surprise.

“I um… Well, I uh, last time, I bumped into you,” you managed to reply rather sheepishly. “Surely, that warrants another apology.”

Jungkook smiled, and it was the most beautiful smile you’ve ever seen. “It was my fault too,” he said. “No need to apologize.” He was fidgeting with his hands again as he glanced back towards the orchard. “So, um… About the…”

“About the…?” You blinked cluelessly. “Sorry… I-I um, I don’t think I heard you the first time.”

His cheeks blushed a rosy pink. “Do you… Would you want to walk around in the orchard?”

Oh.

Oh!

“Y-Yes!” you said, though it came out a lot more eager than you expected. But the truth was, you really were that eager to get to know him. There was something so comfortable about him. Something so familiar, though you swore you never met him before. And you were glad, so glad that he somehow felt the same—or it seemed so, at least. Perhaps this was what fate felt like, the same fate that was often described in your old bedtime stories. 

You were never really much of a talker, but with him, you weren’t able to shut up. You couldn’t help it. He was such an intent listener, his soft gaze never leaving yours, him hanging onto your every word. As the moonlight drenched the orchards, leaving every surface bathed in dim light, you told him everything—things you never thought you’d ever tell another person.

You told him about your parents, that even though they lived in the 12th city with you, you barely ever saw them. You told him about Donghoon, who you still thought about from time to time, wondering if he was doing all right on his own, if he still despised you. You told him about Joonhee and his valiance—that he trusted that his comrades would carry on his legacy even if he died on the battlefield. Then, you told him that sometimes, you wondered if Joonhee was still alive and well. You hoped he was, for he was largely the reason you were here today. You even told him about Instructor Shin and her guiding light of a letter to you, which pulled you out of the deep end. Finally, you indulged him with your adventures with Hajin, though you left out the bits about the underground tunnels, which were to always be yours and Hajin’s little secret.

Jungkook sat and listened to it all, nodding his head and staring at you intently the entire time. When you were finally finished giving him the spiel of your life story, the two of you stared up at the sky in silence as the grass underneath tickled your legs. It was a rather cloudy night, which was why the moonlight was so dim, but it was still beautiful nonetheless. 

“It’s admirable,” he said, quietly. “The way you lived your life so far.” His voice was as silver as the moon in the sky, as delicate as the wispy clouds, too. He always spoke in such a hushed voice, and it made you want to listen more intently than ever. As if his voice was the only music left in the whole world.

You felt your face heating up again. You hadn’t realized how much you talked—you’d given him your whole life story! An unfortunate croak left your lips when you attempted to respond. “Sorry,” you said, clearing your throat in embarrassment and wrapping the scarf tighter around your neck. You looked down at your shoes. “I didn’t mean to talk your ears off.”

He shook his head. “You didn’t. I enjoyed listening.”

Your face was burning now. “Um, but what about you?”

“What about me?” he asked, cocking his head.

“I mean, how did you end up here?—if you don’t mind answering,” you said.

“Mm…” He sighed, looking up at the sky once more. He was deep in thought, eyes glazed over, lips slightly parted. Then, he blinked, and his soft doe eyes were suddenly filled with fervent passion. “I’m trying to make a name for myself,” he said. “Thought the best way to do it would be here.”

He was short and sweet with his response, which you didn’t really mind. You had a feeling that he was a rather private individual, which you usually were too, though today had just been an anomaly for you. And part of this, this pull to this boy you had was because he was so enigmatic. Perhaps one day you could learn his life story.

“You know, you’re very talented,” the boy spoke, looking over at you. “I heard about your showcase that got you into the program. You know, turning a metal spoon into gold. I heard the General himself visited you to recruit you.”

“O-Oh,” you said, a little startled that he knew about that. “Y-Yeah… That was a few years ago. Three, in fact.” You fidgeted, always feeling a little awkward when others complimented you. “The General was the Lieutenant, then.”

“Ah. But how did you learn how to do that?” he asked, eyes wide with curiosity. “Turn something into gold?”

“I taught myself,” you answered, but that sounded a little boastful, so you added in haste, “though I had the resources to do so. I used to attend Botswana.”

He looked confused.

“It’s just some academy,” you clarified.

“Ah…” was his response.

“Why?” you asked. “Do you want to learn?”

His eyes lit up. “Yes. All things magic interest me.”

So you did the next most natural thing, which was to offer to teach him all that you knew. Mostly, it was an excuse to spend more time with him, and perhaps he asked to spend more time with you. But no, there was a hidden flame in his eyes, one that burned brightly behind those wide, innocent doe eyes. It was a look of pure determination to learn. You admired that.

The two of you didn’t leave the training grounds until the sun was peeking up above the horizon, bathing the land in its warm light. There was so much to talk about, now that you finally met each other as it felt like fate had planned. And though you didn’t get any sleep, you weren’t tired, simply exhilarated. 

It was only several hours later, after you parted ways, while you were doing your morning exercises, that you realized the two of you never exchanged your names. But it didn’t really matter because somehow, you knew he was Jungkook and he knew you as the excellent alchemist, though those were his words, not yours. He probably knew your name too; it was plastered at the very top of the large ranking board and often whispered by the entire squadron of cadets, anyway.

Every night, you met with Jungkook at the training grounds. It was cold now that it was Circa Citrine, but the weather never deterred either of you. You taught him everything you knew about alchemy, which was a lot more than you realized. He was a quick learner, taking up new skills as if he’d practiced them for years.

“You’re a natural!” you complimented him.

He shrugged. “I’m not.” Then, he casually size-shifted a pebble into a sizable rock and heaved it at the target. It landed with a satisfying thump! straight at the center, just like the last several times. His movement caused his birthstone to slip from his pocket again, but before it hit the ground, he caught it with one hand. He turned to you, slightly frustrated with himself as he often got during training. “I’m a natural divinist, that’s what I am.” He sighed. “Damn jewel,” he said, before shoving the sapphire back into his pocket. 

“Well, I think your birthstone is very pretty,” you said, trying to make him feel better, but it was also the truth. “And you’ve been doing really well! Size-shifting is infinitely more difficult than color-shifting and you’re great at it. You’re learning this much faster than I ever have.”

“You think?” He cocked his head curiously. “But I can’t do it like you. I tried thinking in steps like you taught me. I tried thinking that pebbles never existed and that all pebbles were really larger rocks, but it just didn’t make sense in my head. I couldn’t get myself to believe it. Only when I get a little frustrated or a little excited is my magic effective. I’ve been thinking about throwing that pebble so hard it would be out of sight in seconds.” He frowned. “That’s the only way that I can make it size-shift. I’d do anything to have a diamond like you do.”

“But your birthstone doesn’t dictate what type of magic you’re innately good at, Jungkook,” you tried to soothe him. “It doesn’t even dictate the branch of magic you tend to gravitate towards. There’s nothing wrong with practicing light magic,” you said. “It’s preferred in the army, anyway.”

“Mm…” He still looked unsure. “I never knew any of that stuff. The stuff about the birthstone not dictating the type or branch of magic we’re good at. Where did you learn that?”

“At Botswana,” you said, sheepishly. “They teach you the theory of magic there. Amongst many other things.”

“Sounds valuable.” A pause. “So why did you leave?”

“Um…” You looked away. “I guess I wanted to do something more for Darlae.”

“For Darlae?” 

“Yes, for my nation.”

“Ah…” He sounded a little perplexed but he didn’t press further.

You suddenly felt a little embarrassed, wondering if your reason didn’t come off as genuine as you hoped it would.

As if he could read your mind, Jungkook shook his head. “No need to be embarrassed,” he said, giving you a gentle smile. He didn’t need to say his next words because you gleaned them anyway: It’s admirable. You’re admirable.

Thank you, you told him wordlessly.

He smiled wider in response.

Sometimes, it was a lot easier to have these wordless conversations with Jungkook. It became sort of a little secret language, though it wasn’t really a language. You would exchange small glances and looks and somehow, the other would be able to translate. Silence became your comfort. You never had anything like this with another person. No one else ever understood you well enough to speak inside your mind, but he did. When you were with him, it was almost like seeing a reflection of yourself, only better.

He was everything that you weren’t.

What took you years of practice to learn, he caught on in less than a week. In a few circas, he had nearly mastered permanent color-shifting and size-shifting. He had essentially crammed the entirety of Botswana’s alchemy content in three circas—when traditionally, it would’ve taken four years. Now, he was trying his hand at masking, learning it at the speed of which you didn’t know was humanly possible.

What took you hours to understand, he understood the first time he read over it. You didn’t think that he would actually enjoy some of the strategy and logic books that General Son assigned you to read every week, but he did. Some of the text General Son asked you to read was unnecessarily verbose, filled with run-on sentences that perhaps no one but the author could discern. And when Jungkook first asked if he could read a few of these books, you warned him so. He admittedly was disgruntled by the long-winded ways of the logic and philosophy books, but he always understood the content—better than you ever could. Sometimes, he advised you on your assignments.

By that point, you couldn’t help but put in a good word about him to the General. 

“There’s this varlet boy I know, sir.”

“Hm?” The General said, looking up from his battle plans. “Is that so, cadet?”

“Yes, sir. I’ve been… Well, I’ve been overseeing his alchemy, and sir, he’s truthfully phenomenal.”

“Phenomenal?” General Son raised his eyebrows. 

“Yes, sir. He’s a quick learner. Specializes in divination, but has a knack for alchemy too. He has a knack for light magic, really. He learns skills more easily than anyone I’ve ever seen in my life. He’s also a quite talented strategist. I admit that he has been looking over a few of my assignments.”

General Son had no visible reaction. “A varlet boy, you say?”

You nodded. “Yes, sir.”

“What’s his name?”

“Jungkook, sir.”

“His surname too, cadet.”

“He… He doesn’t have one.”

“Why is that?”

“He doesn’t know who his parents are.”

General Son didn’t miss a beat. “And you say that his boy is phenomenal?” 

“Yes, sir. He grasped masking in a few weeks. He has this thirst to learn and become better. I’ve never seen someone so ambitious I think—if you would allow him, sir—he would be a great cadet and even greater strategist.”

“And he has had no prior alchemy training before meeting you, cadet?”

“Yes, sir.”

Silence.

There were often moments of stillness when you and General Son “discussed.” When you had first become acquainted with him, you were under the impression that these extended periods of silence were a bad thing. But the more time you spent with General Son, the more you realized that this was how he calculated his next moves and how he strategized his future steps. He needed absolute silence to think—as if he were alone with his thoughts—and you always admired his ability to block out the whole world to do what he needed to do.

“I’d like to meet him.”

Your head shot up as you stared at General Son with wide eyes. “Really, sir?”

“Send him over. I’d like to discuss a few things with him before I decide if he deserves to be let into my army.” 

Promptly a week later, Jungkook moved into one of the cadets’ barracks and began his new life as a soldier-in-training. Then, two circas after that, his name was right under yours on the ranking board. Cadets began wondering who the hell he was, popping out of nowhere like that and dominating the squadron’s ranks. You sometimes wondered that too. He was just so unbelievably perfect. 

Hajin, of course, had a few things to say about your increasing involvement with the young prodigy. “Ew!” she would always tease you after you got back to the castle late from your nightly training with him. “Don’t leave me for him, now! Remember? We’ll march into our first battle together. You promised!”

“I’d never leave you, Hajin!” you’d reply, and that was the truth. “I’d never even dream of breaking that promise.”

You truly wouldn’t, but you also didn’t want to leave Jungkook, either. So, you supported him in every way that you could, giving him alchemy pointers, watching all of his duels and cheering him on. He became the most formidable dueler in the entire squadron in just a few circas; everyone knew a match against him would mean an instant loss. He was quick and rather skilled at masking; plus, he wasn’t afraid of cuts and bruises as you were. What’s more, he always seemed as if he were ten steps ahead, somehow being able to predict his opponent’s movements. 

Jungkook was forever grateful to you for helping him become more than a varlet boy, and he did what he could to repay you, though you always insisted he didn’t need to. He watched all of your duels—plus Hajin’s—and gave you the quiet reassurance you needed from time to time. He didn’t have much, but if he found something that reminded him of you in the mini-markets of the 8th city, he’d come back with a little gift for you. He also had a knack for knowing when you were in a self-doubting spiral and always managed to cheer you up by taking you on a night walk around the orchard. 

After a while, Hajin didn’t make a face every time you mentioned Jungkook’s name, and Jungkook wasn’t so terrified by the princess’ presence. Still, they liked to play a never-ending game of fighting for your attention, which on the contrary, made you uncomfortable yet amused them. 

By the time you were 18, the three of you hung out nearly every day. On the off days that you reserved to visit the castle libraries, Hajin conveniently never felt well, so Jungkook was your only company. You and he would sit there for hours, reading book after book after book. He loved telling you about the new historical events and war tactics he learned about, and you loved retelling the fairytales you became newly enlightened with. This exchange of information would always last until Hajin barged in—looking perfectly healthy, mind you—demanding that the two of you quit your book marathon for dinner. 

But most days, and usually past midnight, you and Jungkook huddled in the castle libraries, swathed by the piles and piles of assignments General Son gave the two of you for the week. Sometimes, though rarely, he asked for essays. You were never satisfied with what you came up with; ironically, when you wrote, you were as verbose as the philosophy books you found confusing. Jungkook, on the other hand, delivered perfect, efficient essays with flowing paragraphs and impenetrable arguments. 

It was obvious that General Son was pleased with his new protégé, though he didn’t outwardly show it. He pushed Jungkook just as hard as he had pushed you, and Jungkook responded to it faster and better than you ever had. He never took any of General Son’s criticisms personally, and he never paused to doubt himself and his abilities. Even when the General threw a curveball that had you breaking out in nervous sweat, Jungkook barely reacted.

You remember once when you and he walked into General Son’s study, where the brooding man was already waiting at his desk and simply pointed to an open scroll, which had instructions scrawled upon it. He ordered, “You have five minutes.”

Your stomach dropped at his curt instructions, and you glanced nervously at Jungkook, your hands already flying up to play with your necklace. But Jungkook was already staring intently at the scroll, reading its contents with that look on his face that told you he was so focused he’d blocked out all external stimuli. You chewed on your lip, frowning, trying to focus too, your eyes desperately scanning over the words on the paper.

You are surrounded by enemy forces that outnumber your defenders. Food and supplies are running critically low, and your soldiers are exhausted. The enemy is offering you a chance to surrender with safe passage for your troops. What is the optimal strategy that will buy time, boost morale, and maintain your army’s capabilities?

It was a war strategy question, one that strayed a bit from the standard tactical assessments, but you would expect nothing less from General Son. You only had five minutes to come up with something that he would deem optimal. A rare test. Failing wasn’t an option.

Frantically, you thought about different approaches, the pros, the cons. You began weighing possibilities in your head, searching for the one that was the closest to ideal. You tried to remember a few of your assigned readings, attempting to garner inspiration from those texts. Your thoughts were a jumbled mess, and you could physically feel the time ticking close to zero. Sweat began accumulating on your forehead, and you broke your focus momentarily to wipe it away with the back of your hand. You still had around ninety seconds left. So you pushed yourself, biting down on your lip to focus on your thoughts. You began compartmentalizing your ideas with the speed of light—no doubt with help from the adrenaline. And in the last, agonizingly short thirty seconds, you rehearsed what you wanted to say over and over again.

When the five minutes were up, the General stood and splayed his hands on his desk. “Y/N,” he called, which made you nearly leap in fear. “Your strategy?”

Your hands were shaking, and your mind was threatening to go blank. You weren’t sure why you were so nervous; a wrong answer surely wasn’t going to make General Son kick you out of the lesson, but it might change his opinion of you, and that possibility terrified you. But the man was waiting for an answer. And keeping him waiting seemed worse than giving him a subpar response. So, you gritted your teeth and took a deep breath. 

“My strategy, sir,” you began, trying to still your shaking hands, “would be to begin negotiations with the enemy, entertaining their offer for us to surrender. However, I would purposefully elongate these negotiations, not exactly settling for an agreement but not quite rejecting their offer either, in order to buy time for my soldiers. I would hope that any amount of time will help them rest, ration the remaining food, heal the injured, and count and redistribute supplies. In that time, I would use a combination of the siege disguise and false flank tactics to confuse the enemy about our remaining stretch to give the illusion of a larger force. These methods will mask our ulterior motive for the prolonged negotiation as the enemy will be led to believe that our forces are much stronger than they had expected. Once I reach a favorable deal in the negotiation, I would take my soldiers and retreat gracefully.” It was a miracle you’d spoken so much without stuttering once. “My ultimate goal would be to have no more casualties.” It was like you were a completely different person. Your voice was clear, loud and confident, and you didn’t hesitate or blubber once. You didn’t know you had it in you, and your own eyes widened at your smooth delivery. 

I’m proud of you, Jungkook seemed to say. He nodded approvingly. It was as if he knew the mental turmoil you’d gone through to get to your response. You smiled at him nervously.

General Son, on the other hand, gave no reaction. “And you, Jungkook?”

Jungkook didn’t even hesitate. “I would not take their offer to surrender,” he said, which made your eyes widen even more. “The enemy’s promise of ‘safe passage’ is not guaranteed, and they have no reason to honor their end of the deal—not when they have the upper hand. However, I would agree with Y/N to drag on negotiations to keep them distracted, but for a slightly different means of distraction.

“While the negotiations are in session, I would organize hit-and-run raids on the outskirts of the enemy encampment. The raid will force our enemies to disperse their forces and slow down their advances, which will buy us more time to prepare an attack. I would strategically leak information to the enemy, making it seem like our defenses are crumbling, especially after such a last-ditch effort as a raid. I want to make them think that we are close to surrendering. This could potentially lead to the enemy underestimating our resolve and delaying their full-scale assault. Then, I would prepare my soldiers to attack. Surrendering is never an option; I would never lose my strategic position or bargain for power. When enemy morale is low and they are heavily distracted, I would lead the charge against them myself.”

“Hm…” General Son said. “Quite unorthodox, don’t you think?”

“You’ve led many ploys like this yourself, sir,” Jungkook replied. “It may be unorthodox, but it is unoriginal.”

General Son raised his eyebrows. “That is true, yes, I have led battles like this. But the prompt tells you that your soldiers are exhausted. Do you expect them to perform well on these raids when they are starving and fatigued?”

“Yes and no,” Jungkook said. “If they perform well, the enemy will be much more distracted due to their instinctive need for damage control. If they do not, it will be easier for the enemy to buy the idea that our forces are on the verge of surrendering.”

“Hm. And the casualties?”

“There is no war without casualties, sir,” Jungkook said. “If I had ordered a retreat and the enemy had ambushed us instead, we would be unprepared and therefore decimated entirely. It is better to attack first when we have had a hand at controlling the situation.”

“Perhaps, but the enemy could have kept their word.”

“I do not trust them to,” Jungkook replied. “Sir, if there is one thing I learned from reading thousands and thousands of battle plans and strategy sheets, it is that we never trust the enemy. Even if they come to us limping, bloodied and bruised, we should never show mercy.”

You nervously played with the necklace around your neck as you took in Jungkook’s words. 

“Do you not agree, Y/N?” General Son asked.

“It’s… Well… I…” You stared at your feet. 

It’s okay, Jungkook said wordlessly. He gave you an encouraging look. Disagree if you want.

The reassurance from him was all you needed.

“But what if the enemy offered us safe passage because they were dealing with internal escalations?” you said. “I define optimal as having the least amount of casualties while maintaining dignity and momentum for the next battle. If… if we were to attack, with fewer soldiers and depleted supplies, then I’m not sure if that would boost morale at all. Soldiers need time away from the battlefield to be able to rest fully. Perhaps it is a… safer idea to surrender with grace and give these soldiers a guarantee to see another day.”

“But what if the enemy offered safe passage knowing we would take the bait? I wouldn’t want to risk it,” Jungkook said. “Optimal in a war means victory. And it will always mean victory.”

General Son cleared his throat. “The word optimal will always mean whatever the current General wants it to mean.”

That left the question: What did ‘optimal’ mean to General Son? He didn’t elaborate upon his response, and something told you that he wanted you to figure it out yourself.

“Ahem,” General Son cleared his throat as if to change the topic. “And before I forget, lessons will be held twice a week from now on. The extra lesson will be done individually.”

Jungkook, without fail, waited for you outside of General Son’s study every Sunday after your private lesson. He would always be a little tired and sweaty from combat training but would always greet you with a smile on his face and a small loaf of bread he lifted from the royal kitchen. While you munched on the bread, the two of you would discuss war strategies all the way to one of the castle libraries, where you would start on General Son’s assignments together.

Sometimes, Hajin would tag along just so she could spend some time with you. But half an hour in, she always declared boredom and marched right out of the library, in search of an adventure. 

Most nights, you and Jungkook studied in silence in the grand castle libraries, often until dawn broke the dark sky and the yellow streams of morning light filtered in through the mosaic glass windows. It was these nighttime reading sessions where you and Jungkook found out about monocode. There was an entire collection of books about it, which Jungkook had quite literally stumbled upon after he’d dropped his birthstone again and had gone looking for it on all fours. The monocode books had been hidden on the very bottom of a shelf in the corner of one of the smaller castle libraries. They were so old that cobwebs feathered with dust linked the collection of books together.

When the two of you began reading these books, both of you became completely enraptured. Monocode was an archaic way of communication that consisted of binary sounds that would make up letters of the alphabet; one could speak without necessarily speaking. It was as if the language was made just for the two of you. 

Tap. Tap tap. Tap tap tap tap. 

You looked up to see Jungkook tapping his fingers on the page of his open book. He was smiling at you. Tap tap tap. Tap? Tap tap! Tap tap tap tap? he repeated. You smiled back, nudging Jungkook’s foot underneath the table as you looked down again at your book.

Tap tap tap tap, you responded, lightly tapping your quill against the ink bottle’s rim. Tap tap tap… Tap, tap tap!

Jungkook snorted, closing his book and standing up. He outstretched his hand, motioning you to follow. You’re right. Hajin’s going to start looking for us any minute now, he seemed to say.

You stood up as well, pushing in your chair and gathering up your scrolls. Of course, you smiled. It’s nearly dinnertime.

Well, I hope they serve roast duck tonight. Isn’t that your favorite?

Something fluttered in your stomach as the two of you walked side by side, out of the grandeur library and into an equally grandeur hallway.

You know me so well.

And Jungkook did know you very well. He knew you so well that he always seemed to know what you were thinking. It was fascinating how easily he was able to answer questions that had never left your lips but had steeped in your mind. And it was endearing how much he tried to help you understand him on the same level as he did for you. 

It was one of those nightly walks around the orchards when Jungkook finally told you about his past. He spent most of his childhood in the 3rd city, begging vendors for underpaid odd jobs and sleeping outside under the wooden stalls, hidden by the table cloths. He ate sparingly, only when he could afford it, which wasn’t often. And when he was desperate, he resorted to stealing. He wasn’t proud of it—more ashamed, really. 

“If I stole, I tried to steal from the vendors who were better off,” he said, “though it doesn’t justify what I did.”

“You did it to survive,” you consoled him, but it didn’t really seem like he needed it. He told the tale with a straight face, not a lick of emotion on his countenance. “Did anyone ever try to help?”

Jungkook shook his head. “No.”

“I’m sorry…” you said. “That must’ve felt horrible.”

“I got used to it,” he replied nonchalantly. “I always wanted to be in the army, though. I dreamed of it ever since I saw soldiers marching down the streets of the markets, on their way to the 1st city.”

“Really?” you asked, eyes widening. “What about them fascinated you?”

“They were very orderly,” Jungkook said. “I liked how they were marching in formation; you know, perfect straight lines, shoulder-to-shoulder… To me, it looked like every single person in that line had a purpose. I think I even caught a glimpse of the General once, the old one, not General Son. He was wearing the same uniform as everyone else, not a single embellishment to indicate his status, but it was the way he walked, Y/N. His chest was out, his head was held up high, and he was leading that whole brigade. I guess in that moment, I realized that I wanted to be like that.”

“A leader?” you asked.

“Not necessarily,” Jungkook said. He was silent for a moment, brows furrowing as he gathered his thoughts. “I want to become the best version of myself,” he finally said. “I want to be someone who exudes so much confidence that I don’t need embellishments to show how great I am. I know I have potential. I feel like I’ve always known. I just had no means of getting there. If my greatest self is someone who can command hundreds of thousands of people, then that’s fine too.”

It was your turn to call him admirable. Jungkook only shrugged.

“I do things for myself,” he said. “You, on the other hand,” he nudged you playfully, “want to make a difference in the world. It’s objectively more altruistic.”

“That’s true,” you said, “but in doing so, I’m also working hard to become the best version of myself. And I believe your best self is someone who can make a difference.”

Jungkook hummed in deep thought. “Different goals, same journey,” he said. “I like that.”

“I like it too,” you said. “And I’m really sorry,” you added. “That you weren’t shown kindness when you needed it.”

“It’s all right,” Jungkook answered. “I still made it here myself, didn’t I?” He shrugged. “Sometimes, I still can’t believe I’m here. Here, on the castle grounds. When I became a varlet, I thought it would be an uphill battle to convince someone to let me into the training program. I didn’t know who to ask, if I could even ask…” He trailed off, staring up into the cloudy night sky. “I can’t believe I go to bed with a full stomach,” he said. “I can’t believe I even have a bed. And I can’t believe that people here know my name.

“It feels like a dream,” he whispered, eyes glossy and voice softer than usual. “I’m a cadet now. And one day, I’m going to be a soldier. A hell of a good one too, considering how much shit we’re cramming a week with General Son.”

You smiled. “Well, I believe you have the makings to become the General,” you told him, and it wasn’t just to make him feel better; you believed it too. “One day, I hope I can boast that I was the one who taught the Darlaean General alchemy!

He smiled at you, and his eyes said it all.

Thank you for believing in me. No, thank you for everything.

Your heart nearly stopped when Jungkook reached over, his fingers lightly grazing yours, before they intertwined with yours perfectly. His hand was calloused and cold, but his touch burned. In fact, your entire body felt like it was burning.

This wasn’t the shy, fidgety boy you bumped into last Circa Opal. Or perhaps this was who he always was—someone who was confident, ambitious, and charismatic in his own way. Perhaps he never had the chance to grow into it before he entered the 12th city. Perhaps he was truly himself now. There were too many speculations, which you didn’t mind, for you always thought in questions and maybes. But there was also one striking certainty when it came to Jungkook: the way he made you feel.

Jungkook…

Mm…?

You looked away. Now, your heart was beating too fast. It felt like it was threatening to burst from your chest.

Tap tap tap. His fingers lightly drummed on top of your hand in monocode. He was asking if this was okay.

Of course it was! You stared at him wide-eyed and nodded a little too hard. Your cheeks heated in embarrassment, but Jungkook seemed to like your enthusiasm.

Well, then, he seemed to say. Let’s continue our walk, shall we?

And so hand in hand, you and Jungkook wandered deeper into the orchard, where the moonlight grew dimmer and dimmer, filtered from the dense leaves of the trees. But the further you walked, the lighter you felt, and soon, it felt like you were floating. It was such a strange feeling, one that you hadn’t exactly experienced before.

Only he could make you feel so lightheaded that the usual traffic of thoughts in your head came to a halt. In fact, the only thing you could think of at that moment was him. He and how he made you feel like you were soaring in the air like an incandescent phoenix.

Nearly a year after you first met him, Jungkook confessed his feelings for you. It was the 28th day of Circa Peridot, just four days before his 20th birthday. The night was warm with a slight, gentle breeze and the moonlight streamed down over the tops of the trees in the orchards. 

He stood before you, doe eyes staring fondly into your surprised ones. When he reached out to hold your hand gently in his, your heart nearly leaped out of your chest. You missed the feeling of your hand in his. You could feel yourself drifting in the air again.

Your lips parted, but no sound came out.

Jungkook…

Yes?

His stare was gentle, and his unspoken words were somehow gentler. Then, he was softly tapping on your hand with the pad of his thumb.

Your eyes widened as you translated the monocode in your head. 

He only smiled in response.

It was ever since I met you in Circa Opal, Y/N, he continued, slowly, but not hesitantly.

You, on the other hand, hesitated, fingers hovering over his hand. Ever since we met? you tapped.

Yes, he responded. You inspire me, and you helped me turn my life around. It took me 19 years, but I’m finally getting somewhere. Thank you for seeing potential in me. I’m forever indebted to you. He paused, staring deeply into your eyes. His intense eye contact almost made you want to look away in shyness, but you couldn’t. Your heart was beating faster and faster in your chest. You’re the kindest person I’ve met in my life. No one else has ever cared as much as you have.

You forgot how to breathe.

He only smiled his angelic smile.

You make hours feel like seconds, he tapped, gently, enunciating every word. You make me want to care about you. You make me want to be better. When he saw your frozen face, a crease line settled on his forehead. Am I being too forward? A blush rose on his cheeks. The shyness you haven’t seen in a while was back.

“N-No!” you said, breaking the silence. Then, realizing how loud you had been, you ducked your head down. I’m just… You hesitated. I’m just so happy.

Jungkook broke out in a larger grin. If I tell you that I want to be with you, would it make you happier?

The shyness had melted away again, replaced by his usual confidence; it made you feel weak in the knees. No, he made you feel weak in the knees.

And that night, that night when Jungkook confessed to you and told you he wanted to be with you and you said it back—though you could barely remember because you were so nervous you were seeing white—you couldn’t sleep. From midnight to the break of dawn, your heart refused to steady, beating rapidly in your chest hours after it had even happened. But it didn’t matter that you didn’t get a wink of sleep. Not when the entire time you were awake, it felt like you were in the most wondrous dream.

Hajin would not let you hear the end of it when she found out that you and Jungkook were officially together.

“A part of me’s thinking, ‘finally!!’ but another part of me wants to sock him in the face.”

“Hajin!!”

“It’s a love-hate relationship,” she snorted. “Jungkook understands. I give him so much shit, but he takes it. Also, he kind of has to because I have the authority to govern him!” She had a wicked smile on her face. “I’m just joking, Y/N!” She laughed boisterously, slapping her knees when she saw the horrified look on your face. “But seriously, if he ever hurts you, I’ll banish him out of the nation!”

You just patted Hajin’s shoulder, laughing. “Oh, Hajin. He wouldn’t do that.”

“You’re right,” Hajin sighed. “You think he’s so perfect.”

“And what if he is?”

Hajin just rolled her eyes. “Whatever. Come on, let’s throw him that stupid birthday party.”

It was Jungkook’s 20th birthday, which fell just a few days after he had confessed to you in the moonlight. Miraculously, it had been Hajin’s idea to host a small party for him in her chambers.

You presented him with your gift first, which was a beautiful silver sword you saw him eyeing the last time you visited the 3rd city together. There was an empty socket at the edge of the handle—where his birthstone would go.

“A trinket,” you said, shyly handing over the rather heavy gift to him. “So you won’t drop your birthstone around anymore.” You paused, eyes darting across his features to discern his reaction. “I hope you like it.” 

He could only stare at you, eyes wide, unable to speak. 

Hajin just snorted. “Come on, Jungkook! Just say something! You’re leaving us all in suspense!”

“Right. Sorry,” he said, blinking rapidly as if he couldn’t believe what was in front of him. “I wasn’t expecting a gift, Y/N… Not even a party.” He glanced at the small feast Hajin had the royal chefs put together. “Thank you,” he said, clutching the sword close to him. His voice had gone soft again, blending in with the slight breeze that wafted in through the princess’ window. “I’ll cherish it always.”

“Damn right, you will!” Hajin laughed. “You don’t even know how much Y/N would worry about you losing your birthstone. I don’t know how you’ve existed for 20 years now without having lost it!” She grinned. “But I suppose I’m happy for you. That new trinket of yours should come in handy when you go off to the 1st city to fight in a year.”

Jungkook turned to Hajin, a small smile playing on his lips. “Do you want me to leave that badly?”

“Well, it’s frankly annoying that you get to graduate before us,” Hajin huffed. “But you make my best friend happy so that’s that. Plus, you’re not too shabby of a cadet, either. Anyways, I have a present for you too, you know.”

Jungkook raised his eyebrows. “I’m surprised.”

Hajin rolled her eyes. “Well, don’t be. My present to you is giving you my blessing for dating my best friend,” she declared, crossing her arms over her chest and looking quite serious.

You laughed. “Hajin!”

“I’ll take it,” Jungkook said. “Thanks.”

He was still shaken by your gift, staring in awe at his silver sword and running his fingers down the shining blade. You watched him as he took out his birthstone from his pocket and carefully slotted it into the socket at the edge of the handle. 

“It’s perfect,” you told him. “Like the sword was made to hold your birthstone.”

“Yeah even I have to admit it suits you,” Hajin said, nudging Jungkook with a grin on her face. “And here,” she said. “I picked this up for you when Y/N was looking for your perfect trinket.”

Jungkook took the thick book she handed to him, cocking his head. He turned it over, meticulously taking in the silver binding and the violet leather cover, running his hands over it before flipping to the first page. “Tales of the Blackwoods,” he read. “You’re not trying to convince me to explore the Blackwoods with you, are you, Hajin?”

“Well, I will in the future, but this is just so you can brush up on Darlae’s fairytales,” she said with a grin. “You see, your girlfriend’s quite a fan if you haven’t noticed. So I suggest that you read up on Guseul’s Hill to win her favor. That’s her favorite.” When she saw Jungkook’s stoic face, she burst out laughing. “I’m just kidding! I know you don’t believe in fairytales. You can keep the book though because I won’t read it either. Hmph!” She crossed her arms over her chest. “I thought it was a funny joke, but you never laugh! Fine. Here’s your real present.” She handed him a black leather sword belt while avoiding eye contact. “A practical accessory. It’s a little boring for a present, but you’re a bor—I mean, a practical person, so I thought you’d like it.”

Jungkook smiled. “So you got me three gifts, then?”

“Oh, shut up,” Hajin sighed. “Just take them.”

“I think you’re warming up to me,” he replied. She shoved him lightly in response.

You laughed, sitting back on Hajin’s bed listening to their banter. Though both Jungkook and Hajin kept up a hard front, you could tell that they also cared about each other quite a lot. At least, you knew how much Jungkook wanted that blessing from Hajin, and you knew how long it took Hajin to pick out the perfect present for him. They had a strange way of showing it, but they did like each other, which was all the more reason to spend more time together.

True to her word, Hajin begged and begged you and Jungkook to explore the Blackwoods with her. When neither of you relented, she decided to wander off alone, and she would have succeeded in her lifelong dream of exploring the forest if you and Jungkook hadn’t caught her and dragged her back to her room. You had to sit down with your best friend and remind her of the terrible things that happened to the wanderers who dared to enter the Blackwoods. 

“But what if I can fight off what’s in there? What if we can fight them off?” Hajin countered. “Come on! No one’s been in there for decades! What if it’s safer now? I’m dying to know if it’s true—that cave in Guseul’s Hill.”

Jungkook shook his head in disbelief, not even bothering to interfere anymore.

“Hajin… It’s just… The risk—er, risks—are too high. Maybe… I dunno, maybe we shouldn’t get so distracted? Don’t you want to live to see the day you graduate and move to the 1st city?” you asked. “You need to avenge your mother, right?”

You hoped that pulling the vengeance card would work in your favor, but you didn’t think that Hajin would acquiesce so easily. Those words were all that Hajin needed for her to never mention exploring the Blackwoods again—much less wander around it.

There were plenty of other adventurous things to do in Darlae, anyway. Hajin made sure to take the lead, touring Jungkook around the royal family’s abandoned summer home and taking the two of you skating on the frozen lake. She showed Jungkook the best spots to watch the sunsets on the castle grounds and the best shops around the 3rd and 8th cities—all the things she shared with you too. The three of you became nearly inseparable, and your friendship with Hajin grew deeper, just as your relationship with Jungkook did. With Jungkook, you kept the secret of monocode, and with Hajin, you kept the secret of the underground tunnels. 

But things weren’t always about fun and adventure. The three of you were still cadets in the rigorous training program, and you had your ranks to maintain. (Of course, you tried not to train for the sake of keeping your name in the first slot, but you also couldn’t lie that a part of your motivation came from the fact that you would disappoint everyone around you if your ranking were to drop.) So, you trained hard with Jungkook and Hajin, practicing on dummy targets in your limited free time.

Occasionally, one of you would be matched with each other in a duel, and when that was the case, Hajin would always groan—she’d never been able to beat either you or Jungkook. On the other hand, Jungkook preferred being matched with you. He never won, of course, but he enjoyed the challenge immensely.

You always helped him up after he surrendered and he would always say the same thing to you, smiling, with his doe eyes sparkling. “One day, I’m gonna win. Don’t ever go easy on me.”

And you would always respond with a teasing grin: “I would never think of it.”

Life felt like a never-ending balancing act. This wasn’t a sometimes, but an always. On top of your training (which thankfully wasn’t difficult anymore), you still had your private and joint lessons with General Son, which led to at least eight hours of outside readings and work. Then, on your own time, you were also training with Jungkook and Hajin at night until you went to bed with sore muscles and a throbbing migraine. When you weren’t doing army-related tasks, you were either out exploring the nation with Hajin or the knowledge inside the castle libraries with Jungkook. 

That left only a little bit of time for you to spend alone, which you loved just as much as spending time with those you cared about. So, at obscure hours of the night, when inspiration hit you the most, you would sit under a lamplight in a library, sketching gowns and frocks and other garments in one of your collections of notebooks. Then, from the bits of fabric you carefully gleaned from your market trips, you would reify your designs. 

There were many failed attempts—most of your masking was temporary—but there were also a few tries that yielded successful results. One of them was this beautiful lavender-colored gown with sage green ribbons and lace that you spent weeks perfecting, little by little. You loved it so much that you wore it every day for a week, slipping into it as soon as you peeled off your uniform. 

Ultimately, however, you wanted to be able to mask your sketches straight into reality. It was going to take years of practice, but Jungkook was always supportive.

“It’s an effective hobby,” he told you, looking quite proud as you twirled around in your lavender dress for him. “Masking always goes far. It could save your life one day, too.”

“You really think so?”

He nodded. “On the battlefield,” he said. “Especially since you’re so good at it. You’re the most formidable cadet on the castle grounds, and you’ll become the most formidable soldier on the battlegrounds one day.”

Something about the way he said that made it seem like he knew that was going to happen. It was those divinist tendencies. Sometimes, things Jungkook said turned out to be true, so you didn’t have much reason to doubt him. Except, you weren’t a formidable person. You never were, and no divinist could convince you that you would become one in the near future. If anything, you believed Jungkook would become the most formidable soldier on the battlegrounds. You didn’t even have to be a divinist to see it.

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⨰ a/n: okay my bad this is late AGAIN. but i swear this chapter was in need of major surgery and i had to hang onto it for an extra day to fix it LOL. i hope you enjoyed it heh <3

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[minnies-recs]

aww the way their relationship has grown is so pure. love the juxtaposition of yoongi’s relationship with her where he’s the teacher and Jungkook’s relationship where she’s the teacher. just so many call backs to the beginning of this part; the phoenix, the dresses. And why do I feel like Hajin will leave to explore the forests and that’s why she wasn’t in the real time

[threeletterslife]

33 | Legends of Darlaria

⨰ summary: You wake up in yet another unfamiliar place. This time, however, these strangers seem to recognize you. With your previous judgments and aspirations thrown out the window, you're now forced to face where your loyalties really lie. Who will you betray? And which General will you choose to stand by his side?

⨰ pairing/rating: yoongi x reader & jungkook x reader | PG-15

⨰ genre: 70% angst, 30% fluff | war!au & magic!au

⨰ warnings: profanity, depictions of violence

⨰ wordcount: 6.9k

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⧖⧗Many, Many Circas Ago⧗⧖

That night, Instructor Shin came to you in your dreams—quite vividly too, for your dream worlds have always been picturesque.

She was staring at you with her sharp eyes, but her gaze was strangely gentle. It felt so real—especially as she held her black pointer bedazzled with her emerald birthstone, which twinkled in white light. May you one day change Darlae for the better, she whispered, her ruby-red lips moving just enough to enunciate her words.

You tossed and turned in your sleep.

She smiled at you—it was one of her rare smiles that brought slight wrinkles upon her face, but it made her look incredibly kind. And may you one day still remember me, your strict, old, incompetent instructor, who nearly stopped you from achieving greatness in the Darlaean Army.

When you woke up at the break of dawn, there were dried tear streaks on your face and a new fire burning inside of you. You’d forgotten your dream for a moment—amongst all of the fuss with the rankings and the training and the duels. Your life had picked up its pace and while living in survival mode, you’d simply unremembered what made you join the Darlaean Army in the first place. But Instructor Shin’s words reignited what you lost.

She believed in you and so did Hajin, her father, and even General Son, who was willing to give you a second chance. So how could you so easily give up on your dream? How silly of you to simply let go of all the efforts you’ve put into your training! General Son was right; there was no place for cowardliness in his army. Heroes got nowhere from fear!

But perhaps you could compromise. Sometimes, fear drove people to do great things; you couldn’t exactly think of any examples, but maybe you could be the first instance. Maybe you could leverage your fears—your fear of hurting others, your fear of getting hurt yourself, your fear of dying unaccomplished, your fear of losing the life you’d built for yourself in the 12th city—to drive yourself to stay in General Son’s army.

You gritted your teeth. You had exactly three days to pull yourself together and rise from the deep end, so you decided to put yourself through hell to prepare.

The only problem was, fear was a damn hard thing to shake off.

“Okay, okay, that was good, Y/N,” Hajin said, nodding her head as you masked a flower petal into a pebble and threw it hard at the wooden dummy before you. “But it was a pebble, Y/N. No one in their right damn mind would surrender to a tiny piece of rock.” She hummed, circling around you in the small practice arena. “It was an improvement, though.” She sighed. “Try to think bigger. Think, what is a showstopper?”

You nervously tugged at your necklace. The dirt arena was littered with harmless objects that were standard when it came to these duels. Cadets were expected to use alchemy to create non-lethal weapons to force their opponents to surrender. But to you, the term non-lethal truly meant something that couldn’t harm anyone. “I’m sorry,” you sighed, wiping the sweat off your brow. “It’s just… if I turned that pebble any bigger… I mean, what if I accidentally give my opponent a concussion?”

Hajin snorted. “It happens. They shouldn’t take it personally. And if they do, it’s on them. You’re dueling! Something like that is expected to happen! Look, I gave someone a black eye last week, but they healed it in several days! So don’t worry too much about hurting someone.”

You bit your lip. It was much easier said than done. You wished with all your heart that you could stop giving a shit about hurting your opponent, but there was always a degree of unpredictability in these duels—you never knew what arbitrary objects would be placed in the arena and you never knew who your opponent was until the duel began. What if something happened and you seriously injured them? What if something happened and you were seriously injured? It was such a selfish thought to have, and you hated yourself for it.

The truth was, there were soldiers out there, sacrificing their lives for Darlae and here you were, unable to participate properly in a small duel. On the battlefield, no arbitrary objects were littered on the ground for Darlaean soldiers’ ease of use. On the battlefield, Darlaean soldiers survived on pure instinct and adrenaline—at least that was what was rumored amongst your squadron, for no cadet truly knew what a soldier went through when they marched to battle. On the battlefield, it was kill or be killed.

But this wasn’t the battlefield, thank Guseul, it was a damn little arena. You weren’t expected to kill anyone, and now that you thought about it, your primary goal technically wasn’t to injure. In fact, your real goal was to make your opponent surrender.

“Look,” Hajin said, breaking you out of your thoughts, “you need to win this damn duel because I’m not letting my best friend leave me. So, you’re going to take this very, very seriously, all right? It’s just like when you taught me alchemy, Y/N. You told me to stay true to myself when I cast my whims. You let me continue to use light magic; you honed my strengths. You made me embrace them. So do the same!” She grinned. “What kind of alchemy are you best at? What can you use to make your opponent surrender? Surely, masking some rose petal into a pebble isn’t the best you’ve got. You’ve ranked first amongst 100 cadets before! You have it in you, Y/N!”

Hajin’s words of encouragement made you feel a little better. 

“You’re the masking master!” Hajin cheered you on. “You can mask everything into anything!!!”

That wasn’t exactly true as of yet, but you were trying to get there anyway.

You smiled, a new idea suddenly materializing in your head. “Thanks, Hajin. You’re the best.”

She grinned. “Now get to work, cadet! Time’s ticking!”

The sunlight was too bright. The dirt was too loose. And there were one too many spectators. You could feel their gazes, boring into your back, and in that moment, you felt so small, so tiny, so insignificant. Your hands were shaking, and you hoped no one was observant enough to notice.

“YOU CAN DO IT, Y/N!” Hajin yelled from the crowd. You couldn’t find the energy to smile, but her words did ease off a little bit of the tension. Still, your heart felt like it was in your guts, and you could barely see past arm’s length.

You clutched your trinket, trying to feel the magic course through your veins and calm your nerves. While taking deep breaths, you carefully surveyed the objects scattered around in today’s arena. There were cotton balls, a few towels, a roll of gauze, an apricot seed, a mug from the dining hall, and what looked to be someone’s lost sock to name a few. You looked away from these objects, not even bothering to study them at all.

Instead, you looked ahead to study your opponent, who was all the way on the other side of the arena. Unlike you, she didn’t seem too nervous at all, which made sense since rumor had caught on that you automatically surrendered every duel you were put into. For a second, you felt a little guilty that that wouldn’t be the case today—that was, if you were able to pull off what you spent countless hours practicing. Your opponent—Eunhae was her name—began studying the objects on the ground, which made you sweat just a little more. She was ranked fairly high—somewhere amongst the top 20 cadets—so you knew she wouldn’t surrender so easily. You could practically see her already calculating what to shift and what to mask.

Nervously, you looked to the stands, glancing momentarily at General Son. He rarely came to these duels—his officers were the ones who usually supervised them—but he was undoubtedly here for you today. Even worse, the man was staring straight at you, your eyes making contact with his sharp ones. You jumped a little and looked away. 

For a split second, you wondered if this was all a good idea.

But there was no time to second guess yourself. 

A vivid purple streak shot up in the bright noon sky, courtesy of one of the judging officers.

The duel had officially begun.

Your ears began to ring. 

Eunhae charged at you, her long, brown hair flying behind her. She had her teeth gritted, her fists clenched. 

But everything felt like it was moving in slow motion. 

You watched as Eunhae laggardly crouched down, carefully picked up the mug from the dining hall, then gradually size-shifted it, where it became the size of her head. Your eyes widened slowly as she sluggishly heaved the giant mug at you with all of her might.

Your breath hitched.

Then all at once, everything was moving too fast.

Every bone, muscle, nerve in your body screamed at you to surrender, to make it stop, to feel that sweet sense of relief and comfort that you were going to be safe. Instead, somehow, somewhere, something in you made you jerk away, and just in the nick of time, you managed to dodge the attack as the mug crashed into the arena’s walls behind you. 

There was an ear-splitting crack!

You felt like you were going to throw up.

Eunhae picked up one of the gauzes. 

You were stumbling away, attempting to avoid being cornered, but your feet felt so heavy; were you imagining it, or were your black leather boots sinking into the dirt? When you looked up from your daze, you saw an arrow—where the spearhead was the harmless white gauze—spiraling straight at you. 

You frowned.

Eunhae cursed under her breath.

Failed masking happened rather often during duels when the stress levels were high. You let the gauze-arrow hit you on the arm, trying not to expend energy unnecessarily. While trembling, you rubbed the impact area with your hand, not because it hurt, but as if to calm your nerves. It wasn’t exactly working.

Somehow, you were already panting. The breathing echoed in your ears in slow, loud huffs. A single drop of sweat rolled down your face, over the hill of your cheeks and down the slope of your chin.

It felt like you were running out of time.

Any minute now, after she recovered from the shock of her failed masking, Eunhae was bound to attack again. You knew you wouldn’t be able to keep up—stamina wasn’t your greatest strength, but it was definitely hers.

Your trembling hand reached up to clench the pendant of your necklace.

Immediately, just a tiny bit of courage flooded back into you.

Right. 

The plan. 

The plan that you weren’t so sure was allowed.

But you didn’t exactly have many options now that you were already here.

Focus, now…

Deep breaths in, deep breaths out…

And soon, the world fell silent, save for the loud beating of your heart.

The only thing in your vision now was Eunhae, running towards you in slow motion once more. Her face was contorted, and there was sweat beading on her forehead. She was already holding a new object—ready to attack you with it—but that didn’t matter to you at the moment. She was so close to you now that you could see the splash of freckles across her nose. Her lips were parted, and her dark eyes seemed to see no one but you.

But more importantly, she wore the standard cadet uniform—the black, stiff cotton material, the silver and purple stitchings, the shiny leather boots. It was identical to yours and that of the 70 other cadets left in the program. It was the uniform you saw every day, the uniform you hand-washed, the uniform you folded, ironed, and donned each morning. You spent more time in your uniform than not; thus, you knew every stitch, every crease, every stretch of the fabric like it was on the back of your hand. You could recreate the uniform from memory if you wanted to—even with brand-new material: velvet, corduroy, wool… It wouldn’t be so challenging, considering how well-versed you were in designing apparel.

Perhaps you could even recreate it with more untraditional fabrics like chenille, taffeta, or brocade.

Or what about with outrageous material like rubber? Wood? Perhaps stone? 

Yes, stone—that was perfect! You could practically feel the cool, hard sleeves, the stiff body of the uniform, the heavy boots… The smoothness, the dark gray color, the sheer heaviness… Yes, that charcoal color would suit Eunhae quite nicely—possibly bringing out her freckles. Gone would be the cotton and the silver purple stitchings, and gone would be the leather on the boots, too. Everything would be stone.

Dense, immovable stone.

Somewhere along your vivid train of thought, you must’ve closed your eyes—it happened often when you were attempting to mask something big. There was that familiar migraine seeping in, too. When your eyes finally fluttered open, relieving yourself from the darkness, you came nearly face to face with Eunhae. Her eyebrows were deeply furrowed, and her teeth were gritted in concentration. Her forehead was now wet with perspiration. And her eyes, they were screaming with what looked like anger.

You let out a tiny squeak, your whole body tensing up as you squeezed your eyes shut again—too afraid to face your impending doom. You waited for the blow to come, to feel some sort of pain in your side, but when nothing happened after several seconds, you slowly opened one eye, then the other.

Less than an arm’s length away from you, Eunhae was wobbling from side to side, on the verge of losing her balance. She grunted, her face completely red as she struggled with the new weight of her uniform. The sweat from her forehead began rolling down her face.

Your lips parted in shock.

“Y-You!” Eunhae stuttered, trying to move forward, but when that proved to be futile, she tried another tactic. With all of her might, and with a mighty scream, she swung her arm at you. You flinched on instinct, but her arm fell limp before ever reaching you from being encompassed in a stone sleeve. Eunhae was struggling to keep her arm up—she was trembling from head to toe—and she was successful for perhaps half a minute before her whole body collapsed onto the ground.

With a loud groan, she heaved her body forward, straining her muscles in an attempt to move, but she could barely keep her head lifted from the ground. Her face was growing near purple now as her stone uniform kept her pinned to the ground. Sweat continued to roll off of her body, streaking the gray stone with a darker charcoal color. 

You watched her struggle, which felt so incredibly wrong, but there was nothing else you could do. You would lose everything if you lost—you had to make sure you walked away victorious. So you stood your ground before the poor girl, staring down, shaking in your uniform boots.

Sweat rolled down your neck, disappearing underneath your cotton uniform. The masking had to hold until Eunhae surrendered. It was all you needed to win. You couldn’t bear looking her in the eyes, so you closed your own, your fists clenched at your sides.

“You can’t keep me like this forever!” Eunhae shouted, but she sounded desperate. 

For a second, you feared that she would somehow be able to unmask her uniform material back into cotton, but the logical part of you countered that with a simple fact: Eunhae was an expert at size-shifting, not so much masking. But, if she just so happened to be angry enough to unleash powerful light magic, that would also be a different story.

Nervously, you cracked open one eye, wondering if this was even enough to stop a cadet like Eunhae. There was unbridled rage in her eyes as she lay on the ground, unable to move. But the longer you stared at her, the look gradually morphed into one of capitulation.

Finally, Eunhae let out a long, labored sigh. “I’ll give you this one, then.” She was completely limp. “You win. I surrender. Now get me out of this thing!”

You collapsed to the ground in shock, and it was your loss of concentration—not quite exactly her request—that unmasked Eunhae’s uniform. As the stone eroded away and the familiar cotton material faded into existence, you stared at the dirt, unblinking. Grumbling, Eunhae sat up, stretching her limbs and brushing herself off while looking quite disdained at her loss.

There was an eerie silence.

Normally, there would be clapping by now.

Now you were shaking, though you didn’t know why, and suddenly, it felt like you were the one donning the stone uniform. You could hear your breathing echoing in your head, and your legs refused to listen to you anymore. It was as if all of the energy in your body had been zapped away.

Were you allowed to do this? Was masking your opponent’s uniform on the grounds for disqualification? Is that why everybody was so silent?

But then, you heard a joyous cry from the audience.

“YOU DID IT, Y/N, YOU WON!”

It was Hajin—bless her—and in no time, others followed the princess’ lead. Your victory was welcomed with a roar of applause. The world began spinning. You were still shaking, but when you turned slightly to the side, you saw General Son, standing up with the rest of the audience, clapping for you. He wasn’t smiling, because he never smiled, but he was nodding in approval, and that was all you needed for all of your worries to wash away.

You were safe.

You could stay here.

Who knew that the Fashion Studies class you took years ago would be so useful in the army? From your first victorious duel, you learned that you didn’t have to resort to violence if you didn’t want to. There were definitely officers who didn’t approve of that notion, but they couldn’t do anything about it since General Son never found it wrong, though he did later admit it was unorthodox. 

Still, he confirmed that you were no longer on probation, and with the momentum of your first victory, you went on to win a majority of the rest of your duels. As a year flew past, your ranking gradually, gradually increased until one day, your name was next to that shiny, silver number 1 once more. But you never really gave two shits about the rankings. In your mind, this was all for a bigger cause—the cause of one day changing Darlae for the better. The change that Instructor Shin believed you could make.

But you did have to admit, though a bit begrudgingly, that it always felt good when your opponent would take one look at you from across the arena and surrender right away. You didn’t let those instances get to your head, though; you worked hard, just like everybody else. If it just so happened that your masking skills were more advanced and your hexes were mostly successful, then that was that. There was no need to make a big deal out of it. But Hajin always liked to, anyways.

She was your biggest supporter, attending every one of your duels and cheering you on the whole time. As more circas passed, she grew into her light magic, and though she still occasionally cast an unpredictable whim, she was a much stronger alchemist than before. Her father was proud of her as any father would be, but he was just as proud of you, who he practically took under his wing as his second daughter.

And then there was General Son. He was always watching you with those sharp eyes of his, not saying much in both words and expression. But you knew he had a lot of thoughts—whether they were good thoughts or bad thoughts, you were never too sure. Still, he seemed satisfied with your performance in his army, and you liked to imagine that he looked mildly pleased every time you saluted him when he walked past.

Just like that, your life as a cadet in the Darlaean Army became routine once more, with the occasional ups and downs, but nothing life-changing. And before you knew it, you were already 17.

Hajin slumped over her bed in a deep pout. “I can’t believe he’s making us wait another two years, Y/N. Two! I swear on Guseul’s heart that I’m going to die waiting for the day we can finally go to battle!”

“Your father’s just trying to protect you,” you said, patting Hajin’s shoulder. “You’re his only daughter. Also his last living family member.” 

Hajin let out a loud sigh. “Everyone else in our cohort has already been moved to the 1st city!” She groaned, hiding her face in her silk pillowcase. “We’ll be the oldest ones in the new cohort! It’s going to be so embarrassing!” She suddenly sat up, turning to face you. “This isn’t fair! We were ranked in the top ten!”

“I know, I know,” you said, patting Hajin’s back. “It sucks, but I mean, we’ll be able to explore the tunnels for two more years, isn’t that the good part? Why do you want to go to battle so much, anyways?” You didn’t mean to sound so exasperated when you asked the latter question because you knew full well what Hajin was going to say. But before you could open your mouth to apologize, Hajin was already speaking.

“I just need to avenge my mother’s death!” she announced valiantly as predicted. She sighed, looking out the window, where the dim moonlight filtered in. “That’s all I want. I just need to be out there and fight the same bastards who killed her.” Her voice grew quiet, which happened quite rarely and only when she was dead serious, which was also a rarity. “You didn’t have to stay with me, you know, stuck in this damn training program. You finished first in our cohort; you should’ve graduated and marched on to the 1st city.”

The truth was, Hoseok had invited you to another private chat in which he’d given you a few options. One of them was, of course, graduating from the training program for adolescents and moving on to becoming a true soldier who would march to battle. But the other choice, the one that Hoseok wanted you to choose, was to stay in the 12th city with his daughter before he finally deemed her ready to leave the royal nest. 

“She still casts unpredictable whims from time to time,” was his biggest worry. “She must be absolutely formidable before I let her on that battlefield.” You knew it would break Hajin’s heart if she found out her father withheld her from graduating due to her erratic alchemy skills—when those who were far worse than she had already graduated—so you never mentioned it to her. The plan, if you stayed, would be to help train Hajin’s light magic skills until her alchemy was sound, and that would all be under the guise of her father’s protectiveness over his only daughter, which was also true. 

“But I don’t want to hold you back either, my dear. I don’t want to withhold such a promising soldier from my nation; General Son tells me he sees the future in you. But ultimately, my dear, the choice is yours.”

And you’d chosen to stay. Mostly because the prospect of going to battle terrified you, though you never admitted that to anyone—not even Hajin. It was too humiliating. But another part of you couldn’t bear the thought of leaving Hajin, of leaving her father, of leaving the secret tunnels, too. It would be like entering a new chapter of your life, which wasn’t always the worst thing that could happen. But you simply didn’t feel ready. What good was an unprepared hero, anyway?

You sighed, staring outside at the moon along with Hajin. “Well, I wasn’t going to leave you here. And besides,” you said, a small smile forming on your lips, “we can eat all the deviled eggs we want for two more years. Isn’t that paradise?”

Hajin didn’t laugh at your joke; she was too lost in her thoughts, which was something that you usually did and not the other way around. Then, she spoke in a quiet murmur: “Y/N, why do you want to fight in the war?”

Your eyes widened. “Oh, I mean, um… it’s…” You sighed, not having expected Hajin to ask such a question. “It’s going to sound silly.”

Hajin finally turned to you, and it looked like she was finally back to her old self because she was grinning madly. “Try me,” she snorted. “How silly can it really be?”

“Well…” You hesitated. “Okay, fine. Ever since I was little, I’ve always wanted to be some sort of hero. I guess I just read too many fairytales, but that’s beside the point. I want to accomplish something big, you know? Make a difference. I dunno. How cool would it be if I could contribute even just a little bit to Darlae’s freedom from the war?” You tugged on your necklace. “It’s stupid, I know. Your reason is much cooler—”

“No way!” Hajin’s eyes widened. “Your reason is so… mature. It’s high level, you know? Above seeking vengeance and all that crap. Oh, Y/N,” she laughed. “You could definitely do it. You’ve already made a difference in my life! I just know you’re going to do something great. Oh, I know! You’ll become an officer—I don’t need to be a divinist to know that!” 

You laughed along with her. “Aw, thanks, Hajin. I wouldn’t say it’s a mature reason—I mean, I’m 17 and I’m still dreaming of heroes. But thanks. Really. That was kind of you to say.” You nudged her playfully. “You’re more officer material than I am. You’ve got the energy and charisma. You’re a people magnet!”

Hajin beamed. “You really think so?” She plopped back down on her bed, rolling her eyes. “Tell that to my father, will you? Then maybe he’ll let us go to war.”

You laughed, plopping down on the bed right next to your best friend. “I don’t think he’ll budge.”

“Bummer,” Hajin sighed. “Whatever.” Then, she turned to her side, grinning at you mischievously. “Wanna have a late-night deviled egg party?”

You would be crazy to resist.

Even though you and Hajin weren’t technically allowed in the 1st city as both of you were still cadets in the training program, that never stopped the two of you from simply using the secret tunnels to infiltrate the 1st city’s sewers. But all there was to see in the 1st city was soldiers training. Though you found it fascinating, Hajin found it boring.

“What’s so fun about watching a bunch of soldiers train?” Hajin sighed. “We see that in the training grounds all the time.”

“No, but they train so differently,” you answered, your voice tinged with excitement. “Look! They don’t do the stupid duels at all. They’re focusing on masking scraps of junk into weapons! See how that soldier just masked that blade of grass into a dagger? See how it pierced through the wooden block without unmasking itself? Amazing,” you breathed. “That’s not easy to do.”

“I’d rather watch a duel. They’re more exciting,” Hajin snorted. “Come on, let’s get back to the 12th city before anyone finds out we left.”

“W-Wait!” you said, eyes widening. “Look! We can’t miss this—they’re practicing formations! See how impenetrable it looks? It’s a formation meant for defense! And see how perfectly identical every soldier’s stance is? That must take hours and hours of practice!”

Hajin just laughed. “Only you could be so excited by army formations,” she teased.

But it wasn’t just you.

General Son also had a penchant for formations, which he made obvious to you after he caught you and Hajin snooping around the 1st city. He wasn’t angry, only stern, but when he found out that you had been drawing out his army’s formations and studying them on your own, he invited you to his study in the 12th city to “discuss”—though what about, you weren’t quite sure. But the invitation, of course, only came after you and Hajin ran a couple of laps around the training grounds for breaking regulations—it was only a formality.

The discussion ended up being hours long and was more like a lecture than anything else. The General asked you to explain what you had gleaned from snooping around the 1st city and observing the different formations, and though you were nervous, you were able to explain each one and the purpose you believed it had. He had no discernible expression on his face when you finished, but you must’ve done something right because he began to spread out a few of his own battle plans, which were a work in progress.

“See this, cadet?” he asked, running his fingers through the five obvious sectors drawn into the paper in black ink. “This is the battlefield. Memorize it by next time,” he said. “A good soldier must know the terrain she fights on.” 

The mention of a next time filled you full of excitement, and you spent the following several days thinking about nothing but the battlefield. You woke up in the morning and stared at the copy of it that the General had given you. During your training—which was now too easy for you—you tried to draw it from memory in your mind. And at night, you dreamed of it—the five sectors, the soil, the hard dirt, and the soldiers charging through it.

General Son didn’t show much of a reaction when you completely redrew the battlefield from memory during your next “discussion.” But the more time you spent under his guidance, you realized that he had particular ways of showing his praise. When he deemed you ready, he simply moved on to the next thing he wanted you to learn. He pushed you harder than any other person in your life—nearly rivaling your own spirit—always sending you back from his study with a stack of books to read for the next discussion, along with formations to review and comment on. You spent your days training—though you always finished early—and your nights studying battle plans and formations.

Hajin found it tedious.

“You look like you’re having fun,” she snorted, staring at you hunched over, studying your books in the moonlight streaming through her large window. She shuddered. “On second thought, I don’t think I could ever become an officer. I can’t handle the logistics! I would never want to spend my free time studying battle plans and doing extra reading. But you’re fit for the job, Y/N. I think General Son thinks so too.”

You didn’t want to believe that at first. It seemed impossible to you that the General of the Darlaean Army could ever see someone like you as an officer. You weren’t even sure if you could handle it! What kind of officer was afraid of going to battle? What good was knowing the battlefield like the back of your hand if you were too afraid to fight? 

Despite your doubts, the General believed in you—at least it seemed like he did. He began granting you special access to the 1st city to observe the soldiers’ training. He also invited Hajin as a formality, for she was also a well-respected cadet yet to graduate from the training program, but she declined. “I’d rather give up a week’s worth of deviled eggs than go sit and watch soldiers train for what feels like an eternity!” she told you quite vehemently.

So, by yourself, you diligently traveled to the 1st city once a week to study the applications of the formations you’ve read about and to learn about the different charms that the soldiers used. Most of these charms were cast as whims because in a battle, where anger and passion drenched the air, light magic became much more powerful. It was still difficult for you to get rid of that scholarly instinct of using dark magic, and since the General never commented on your tendency for casting hexes, you continued to use the magic that brought comfort to you.

Sometimes, you wondered what the General saw in you to privately teach you the ways of battle planning. You often wondered if you deserved the treatment. Hajin was aware of your self-doubting tendencies, and she was always kind enough to point out that you were, indeed, a talented cadet, and you have been, for circas now, ranked first on the board—that the newer cadets feared dueling with you because you never lost. 

But you weren’t as charismatic as the majors, captains, sergeants and privates you observed in the 1st city. And you sure as hell would never be as charismatic as the General. There was something about him that elicited fear and respect. He never had to raise his voice; just one look from him and he could have even the strongest soldiers cowering. He was brutal out on the battlefield, you’ve heard. Perhaps actions spoke louder than words.

Of course you knew not to compare yourself to the damn General of the Darlaean Army, but self-doubt was in your nature. Still, your fear of disappointing the General was somehow greater than your self-doubting tendencies. You continued to make an effort in your private discussions and visited the 1st city with a fiery passion in your eyes, ready to commit everything you saw into memory. 

And slowly, as you began to catch up to his expectations, General Son became just slightly amiable. He no longer watched you with his sharp, discerning eyes, and he gave you short, laconic compliments when you deserved them. You had the feeling that he was warming up to you. Perhaps he wasn’t sure if he could trust you before, especially with the stunt you pulled when you had refused to participate in duels.

He asked you quite often about Hajin and her progress with her light magic, which you suspected Hoseok put him up to. It was no secret that General Son and Hoseok were quite close. You’ve heard them call each other by their first names, which was shocking considering one was the king and the other was the general of the nation. You don’t think you’ve ever heard anybody else refer to General Son as Taegi except Hoseok.

Though General Son didn’t exactly show you the same kind of warmth that Hoseok did, he showed you generosity and patience. The discussions no longer felt like lectures; they were truly discussions—an exchange of ideas and feedback. Sometimes, General Son invited over a few of his majors to participate, which made you incredibly nervous, but every time self-doubt sank in, you reminded yourself of Instructor Shin’s words: may you one day change Darlae for the better. You were going to do it—someday in the future. This was simply your journey of mentorship and preparation.

It became increasingly clear that General Son trusted your opinions, and you naturally trusted him, for he commanded the entire army with a steady hand. Gradually, things fell into a routine again. You still had your moments of diffidence, of course, but that was part of the routine, too. And soon, before you knew it, seasons passed until the leaves of the trees reddened and the weather became chillier.

You would never forget this particular day in Circa Opal. The day that altered the routine of your life.

You were walking back to the castle from a long discussion with General Son. In your uniform pocket was the smaller, size-shifted stack of books he’d assigned you to read and the shrunken scrolls he wanted you to annotate. The air was brisk and the sun was setting, which were all the more reasons for you to quicken your pace as you promised to meet Hajin for another one of your secret tunnel exploring rounds, which had become rare with your busy schedule. The plan was to explore Hajin’s favorite: the 6th city. She was undoubtedly already waiting for you, wearing her purple pantaloons that you’d gifted her two years ago—her “exploring pants” as she called them. You could just imagine her pacing around her room impatiently, wondering “Where the hell is she???”

You smiled to yourself, practically running now to get to the castle faster. The red leaves made a satisfying crunch underneath your feet as you sprinted. But in your haste, you bumped into someone nearby and the force of the collision caused both of you to fall to the ground. 

You felt a dull impact on your behind and winced, but you’ve been through worse during training. Luckily, your miniature textbook and scrolls didn’t fall out of your pocket, which was a better outcome than what you would’ve hoped. But the stranger—the boy—whom you’d bumped into wasn’t so fortunate. He’d been carrying a large bag of what seemed to be filled with all sorts of equipment, which dropped to the ground from the impact and landed with a raucous crash! At the same time, a twinkling blue stone slipped from his pocket and landed on top of a few fallen leaves on the grass.

“O-Oh! I’m so, so sorry,” you said, quickly scrambling to pick up the sapphire from the ground and wiping it clean from the dried leaf debris. “I wasn’t looking where I was going! Here, you dropped your birthst—” 

Your breath hitched as your eyes met his. The rest of your words became lost in your throat.

He was beautiful.

As the two of you slowly stood up together, you couldn’t help but notice his big, doe eyes, perfect nose, gently tousled hair, delicate, pinkish lips… The warm glow of the setting sun backlit his face, softening his features, and the mild autumn breeze mussed his raven-colored hair, where strands of it fell over his dark brown eyes.

Time slowed down as he reached out to take his birthstone from you. And when his hands brushed yours, there was a shy spark that ignited in your chest. Your eyes widened as you looked up at him in shock. 

His own tender eyes met yours, and he blinked slowly, his lashes long enough to kiss his face. It was as if you were in a trance. 

“Thank you,” he whispered. His voice was quiet, silvery, perfect as you would expect from someone like him.

Your lips parted as you readied yourself to respond, but no words fell from your lips.

Who was he? Why haven’t you seen him before?

He surely wasn’t a soldier, for he wasn’t wearing the uniform, which meant he most likely worked for the royal family or perhaps even for the army. He looked too kind to be a soldier, anyway. 

A soft splash of rosy pink emerged on his cheeks as the two of you continued to peer into each other’s eyes. His hands began fidgeting with his birthstone. “You…” he said, face brightening in recognition. “You…” he whispered again, eyes softening.

Did he know you?

You surely didn’t know him; you would’ve remembered if you did.

“You…?” you barely managed to get out when the boy suddenly picked up the bag he dropped from the ground and began stepping backwards, though slowly.

You wanted to tell him to wait, to at least ask for his name, but how could you? He was already walking away from you. Maybe something about this encounter terrified him. It was rather odd. He was a complete stranger, but he strangely felt like comfort. There was this foreign tug on your heartstrings—a fleeting feeling that maybe you will get to know him in the near future. Did he feel this too? Was that why he left? 

You couldn’t help but watch him walk away, your head tilting as you stared at his back. It was stupid to think such a short encounter could blossom into something more. But…

No. Nothing was going to happen. This fate-like encounter was nothing more than a figment of your imagination—perhaps it was acting up after all of those tales of romance you read when you were young. Perhaps the boy left because there was nothing to stay for. With a sigh, you turned around and began walking away, towards the grand castle and to Hana, who was undoubtedly waiting for your arrival.

But unbeknownst to you, soon after you turned around, the boy stopped in his footsteps to watch you leave. He had a bright look in his eyes, a look of mostly curiosity, really, but there was another thing. A look of longing. It was gone in a second, however, when he finally blinked. Then, he began walking away too, as if the encounter had never happened at all in the early days of Circa Opal.

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⨰ a/n: sorry for the short delay! had to attempt to proofread :') but hehe we finally get to meet jk!!!

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[jiminrings]

pink sapphire

pairing: jungkook x reader

wordcount: 11k

glimpse: having jungkook for a husband is great as far as arranged marriages could go; he’s easy to love. your relationship’s perhaps become so easy that jungkook doesn’t think sometimes — and that’s what makes it the easiest for you to hate him.

alternatively, you and jungkook married each other for business, but the both of you stay for love.

[ angst, arranged marriage au, fluff n really wholesome scenes (it cancels out the angst i swear), Jungkook Tries Hard (affectionate), miscommunication, jealousy, self-deprecation, sexual innuendos (no actual smut here!!), did i already say that jungkook tries rlly hard and is remorseful the whole time ]

notes: my year-ender fic for 2022 :) thank u for being here — i’m grateful for all ur love n support!! i’ll see u in the next one <3

as always, lmk what you think <3 send in feedback n love to my askbox anytime!!

Keep reading

[minnies-recs]

So cute and satisfying as a oneshot! I usually have tunnel vision for series but I really enjoyed this!!

[candlewaxandp0lar0ids]

if I can never give you peace — nine || Jungkook

Pairing: Jungkook x reader // Word count (chapter): 9.1k // Genre: Mafia AU, Hybrid AU, enemies to lovers

↳ It starts like quite a few stories do, in your world. Girl meets boy,  who happens to be a hybrid, girl buys him at an auction where hybrids are sold, boy falls in love with her, girl gets bored of him. Then  it’s not so typical anymore, when the boy ends up forced into illegal fighting rings, until he makes a wrong move and the girl’s father  decides he needs to be killed.

Where does that leave you? Well, you’re the one who handled Jungkook’s fights and generally organized his life, and, when the girl’s father, your boss and mafia leader, tells you he wants him ‘put down’, you’re the one who has to get it done. Except, instead, you let him escape, and everything turns out fine.

Until he comes back.

Warnings and tags (chapter): angst, guns, threats, generally dark, violence, car crash.

First · Previous · Next

Hours easily blend together when they’re left to stretch ad infinitum. That was a lesson that you had learned on the very first hectic night you had lived through under Mr. X. Back then, it had been a mere attempt at secession — one of the powerful groups of the Organization had thought they might be able to stand up on their own, without the Family’s support. They had wiped out all the people Mr. X had placed in one day, swift and efficient, and had announced their intentions mere hours after that. You remember that they had been delivered by a man bruised and bloody who could only slur his words, and you remember the thoughtful way in which Mr. X had tapped his fingers on his cane.

You didn’t think anyone in the Organization had gotten so much as a wink of sleep that night.

You had known from the second you had gotten the text that tonight would be no different. As a result, scrambled on the white board inside the conference room that you had not yet gotten the chance to inaugurate, were all the important events of the night.

6.00 pm: bomb goes off in front of HQ

6.34 pm: attack on a drug carrier exiting the harbor. cargo stolen.

6.48 pm: casino The Imperial announces its separation from the Organization. Followed by most similar establishments.

6.55 pm: raid

7.05 pm: departure from HQ

9.23 pm: attacks on two of Lucas’s clubs

10.58 pm: attacks on establishments under protection; two thwarted

2.41 am: storage warehouse burned down

5.10 am: altercation near the Circle. 8 dead, ? wounded. police intervention.

It had now been two hours since you had last received information you had deemed important enough to write it on the board, but your fingers still twitched in anticipation. People and informations had come and gone the entire time, and even now, your phone was still buzzing every few seconds, your eyes scanning the messages quickly as they appeared. Numbers, locations, defections, all things you would have to file after getting some sleep.

None of them had quite managed to shake you out of the numbness you had been feeling since the raid of 6.55 pm.

You had been the first one to get the texts, but Jungkook and Suga had not been far behind.

‘Descent on hybrid district,’ the text had read. ‘Scorched earth’.

Jungkook’s face had darkened, murderous rage filling his eyes. You hadn’t tried to hold him back after that, even the fear you felt for him not quite managing to seep through the horror you had felt at that statement.

This was a targeted attack. There were numerous innocent families, children, people who were just living their lives in the hybrid district. This was intended purely to hit where it would hurt Jungkook the most.

It had worked as intended.

You had attempted to send Hector home at eleven, since there were still men left in the building, but he had simply shaken his head. He was now sitting on a chair, by the door, in a drowse. He did not even stir when you made a phone call, but you had noticed his eyes lifting whenever there was a noise outside. You supposed you would feel guilty about it if there had been any room left for guilt within you in the last twelve hours.

The flow of information had been non-stop, and what you were putting out was almost as consequent. After that first night, Mr. X had compared you to a computer, able to treat the data in seconds and to figure out the best course of action from there. You had been the one who had been responsible for the plan that had effectively choked the opposing group to death. All exit routes methodically cut, all options taken into account.

None of them had made it out alive.

Tonight, you had done everything in your power to ensure that your side would not be put in the same situation.

“You might wanna head home, ma’am,” Hector suggests from his seat, and you look up at him. Your eyes have been open so long they burn.

“I probably won't be long,” you reply, and even you don't manage to keep the exhaustion out of your voice. “Just a few minutes more.”

You see, in the way that his eyebrows rise, that he does not find your decision to be judicious, but he doesn't say anything and you're thankful for that. If he did, you might have to confront the real reason you’re insisting on staying here, awake, and that is because you're desperate to hear from either Jungkook or Suga. Though you have gotten messages from people surrounding them — few and far between, as you don’t have that many informants around there — and they seemed to still be alive a few hours ago, it’s been a long time and you just—

God. You just want to know that Jungkook’s okay. You just want to know that he’s found somewhere safe and that he’s managed to minimize the damage. You know, realistically, that you would have heard far more about it if that wasn’t the case, and yet there’s this deep, dull throbbing in your chest that has not gone away once since Jungkook walked out the door, prepared for a fight to the death — though you doubted he had feared it would be his death.

And so, even though you should, you cannot find it in yourself to abandon your seat, to allow your eyes leave your phone for even a second.

The call comes long after you’ve stopped expecting it, and you pick up in an instant, index finger sliding on the screen.

“Hello?”

“They’re gone,” Suga’s voice comes through the phone, thick and tired. “We’ve run them out of the district. Gonna stay a bit to ensure no one comes back but—” There are some intelligible words coming from behind him. “By the time we arrived, they had barricaded themselves in a bar,” he sighs after barking an order you don't catch. “It took a while.”

“I see,” you say. “Are there many losses on either side?”

“Lots of wounded on ours, a few dead.” And then, with cold, furious satisfaction: “On their side, everyone.”

“Good,” you reply, and you surprise yourself with how sincerely you mean it. “I will call for an emergency meeting tomorrow. Will you and Mr Jeon be able to attend it, or have you been injured severely? Do you need me to call one of our doctors?”

There’s a moment of silence on the other side of the line.

“We’ll make it,” he finally answers. “But yeah, send someone to Jungkook’s place.”

Your heart jumps painfully in your chest, and you have to steel yourself to stop your voice from wavering.

“Is he alright?”

“He'll be fine,” Suga just says, and though it does nothing to calm your worry, you drop the subject. It should be enough to you, knowing that he’s alive and mostly okay.

It isn’t.

“Good. In that case, I will see you both tomorrow.”

The second the call ends, you’re getting up from your chair, Hector already on his feet.

“There’s a car waiting for you, and I’ve had men check out your apartment, ma’am.”

You nod at him thankfully. For a second, at the door, you think you’re going to falter, that your legs won’t be able to carry you any further. But they do, they always do, taking you one step further even when you feel you cannot, simply because you have to.

And they will carry you tomorrow as well, and the day after that, and the day after that. Never once allowing you to collapse.

The atmosphere is crackling with tension when you walk back into that very same room the next day. In a glance, you verify that every person who you had thought would answer the call yesterday, based on the new developments, is here. A sigh of relief bubbles in your throat, but you keep it contained as you make your way through the room, setting your computer down next to the place where Jungkook would soon be sitting.

The faces around the table are all more or less familiar, but their dark expressions are not. Fred Lucas’s signature smile has been wiped from his face, the corner of his lips pointing downwards. His usually impeccable suit is crinkled, and dark circles seem to have been dug under his eyes. He looks like he’s taken on ten years in the last night. He doesn't even bother nodding at you.

Most of the other humans here are more or less in the same state, but some of the hybrids look significantly worse for wear. They have to be the ones that joined Suga and Jungkook the night before, several of them sporting significant injuries. Your eyes land on Junho, and you instinctively dig your nails into your palm to stop yourself from flinching. You can see a compress on his neck, coming out from underneath a black shirt, but he doesn’t seem to be doing too badly.

You find some comfort in it — not because of him, but because in that sight, you find some hope that Jungkook won’t be doing too bad either.

“You got a problem?” he snarls, baring his teeth at you and you realize in horror that you’ve been staring.

This doesn’t happen to you. This never happens to you and, fuck, this is why you can’t ever let your guard down. Fear sets your veins on fire, and though your mouth opens, you have no idea what to reply.

Shit. Shit.

“I’m sorry you got injured,” your tongue miraculously answers even as your brain remains frozen, and you’re thankful for the years of training you have in this. He growls, pushing himself up on the chair. The movement seems fluid and easy, confirming your impression that he isn’t too severely injured, but this time you don’t let yourself get caught in that thought. Instead you brace for impact, straightening your back. You know that it’s your voice that set him off, that it was too flat and even, that it didn’t carry any concern. You also know that Hector is staring at you, just waiting for a nod from you to intervene, and that Fred Lucas’s hand has come to rest lightly on his belt, near the gun you’ve been informed he’s carrying by security.

The fear doesn’t quite leave you, but you’re not afraid of him anymore.

“Listen to me you—”

“Fucking drop it, Junho,” Jungkook’s tired voice orders as he walks in through the door.

“She just—”

“Welcome back, Mr. Jeon,” you interrupt him, bowing your head in his direction politely.

Your eyes meet his when you look up. Your gazes lock for a second, and your legs almost go weak from the overwhelming relief that washes over you. You only allow yourself a second to take him in fully, to see for yourself that, though he walks with a small limp, one hand over his abdomen, he’s alive, he’s alive, he’s alive.

He’s still staring at you with an undecipherable expression once you’re done with your brief check.

“If you would please take a seat,” you say, and you don't know if your ears are deceiving you or if your voice is indeed softer in that moment, “there is a lot we have to cover today. The sooner we can start, the better.”

“Sure,” he says and, despite his obvious injuries, he makes his way through the room with wide strides, letting himself fall on the chair next to you with a groan. Suga leans against the door, golden eyes watching over everything. He gives you a nod so small you think you might have imagined it. You certainly cannot think of anything you would have done to earn it, but you suppose events like what happened last night would have that kind of effect.

You press a key on your computer, and a slide appears behind you.

“For an overview of what happened last night—”

“What I’m saying is that you don't win a fucking war with fucking Powerpoints—”

“If you had two working fucking braincells, you’d see that we need to know the situation we’re in before we decide on—”

“None of you now what it’s like to actually fight your own fucking—”

“You’ve been in this position for two goddamn—”

You’re not sure why Jungkook is letting the argument unfold, insults shouted from across the room as no one listens to the answer nor seems particularly interested in reaching a productive decision. Mr. X would not have let that slide, you know that, but you also realize that no one would have dared raise their voice in his presence. Mere suggestions were uttered begrudgingly, as even some of the most powerful people in the Organization cowered in front of him. His word was law, and he didn’t hesitate to use that to pit people against each other.

You wonder for a second if that is what Jungkook is doing too, letting the tension build, dividing to conquer, but it doesn't seem to be the case. He doesn’t look amused by the situation, dark eyes attentive to everything going on in the room — for once, certainly more focused than you are. Slumped in his chair, probably to protect his injured side, you notice his fingers tapping on the table at a fast rhythm.

“Will you be taking on more security?” you ask quietly, knowing that it likely won’t be picked up on by the hybrids in the room, considering the degree of agitation.

He throws you a surprised glance, eyebrows scrunching either in confusion or from being torn away from the spectacle, you can’t tell.

“Why would I do that?”

“There will likely be more attempts against your life from now on,” you reply. “Having a couple of guards should deter some and ensure that you remain safe.”

“I can do that myself,” he says, though not quite with anger. “If anyone should take on more security, it’s you.”

You think of the gun that’s in your purse at this very moment, that you checked before leaving your apartment was filled with ammunitions, even though you’ve not once emptied it, and then you glance at Hector, who is surveilling the situation, arms folded over his large torso. You don't think anyone could keep you safer than he can, but that’s not what you tell Jungkook.

“That might be a good idea indeed,” you nod. “I will look into it as soon as we’ll have decided on a course of action here. I can also look for some men for you in the process.”

His frown deepens, a flash of anger in his eyes, and he opens his mouth, obviously ready for a sharp retort, before closing it again to study you. Under the attention, you feel your face growing warm. You have no idea what he’s looking for, but you’re all too aware of the way his eyes search yours, roaming over your expression like there is some sign in there that he cannot find. Finally, he leans back in his seat with an annoyed sigh and closes his eyes.

“You need to stop interfering in my business. I’ll have Yoongi around, and that’ll be more than enough.”

You bite the inside of your cheek. You should drop it.

“Would you consider having at least one additional man until your injuries heal?”

If it were up to you, he wouldn't leave the building without a full escort, but you’re— you’re trying, dammit.

“It’ll be fine in a couple of days, the knife didn’t go that d—”

“The knife?”

His eyes snap open at your tone, and you're not quick enough to school your features back to normal. He catches something on your face this time, though you’re not sure what — could be shock, could be fear, could be sadness or anything else — but again, there’s that spark of satisfaction in his eyes, and you feel yourself retreating immediately.

“Suga didn’t inform me of that,” you say, voice as emotionless as ever. “I suppose it’s—”

“Just— get me the dude. Or dudes. I don't care. I’ll get rid of them when I’m healed.”

It’s your turn to try to find something in his expression and to fail. You just can't seem to understand what he's doing these days, but you bite back the question you desperately want to ask. This is a positive in your book, and it’s probably better not to ask.

“I… will,” you finally say with a slow nod, unsure of what just happened there and unable to make sense of it. His eyes don’t leave yours, but his expression falters.

“Do you—”

“Listen to me you son of a bitch, you don’t get to—”

You both snap back to the room, in which two men have almost come to blows. One of them holds the other by the collar, while that one is reaching for something in his pocket that has to be either a knife or a gun. Just as you open your mouth, Suga appears between the two and they suddenly let go of each other without him having to say a word. He looks small, both in frame and in height, between the two, but you remember the day he took out some of Mr. X’s best men too well to underestimate him based on that.

“Alright,” Jungkook says, “what’ve you got, Yoongi?”

“No one’s expecting us to counter-attack this quickly, so I say we go for it,” Suga shrugs, and some in the room holler in approval while others grimace and shake their heads. “But we should only go against one district for now. After last night, it’d be suicide to do anything else. We have the city pretty well mapped out, so I say we try to eat at them slowly for the time being, then see what happens.”

Jungkook nods, then glances at you.

“What about you?”

One blink, and the surprise you feel at the question is gone.

“The casinos will be under heavy surveillance,” you say, “so they should be avoided for now. Based on the intel we got, it seems last night’s attack came from some of the Families that are mostly involved in the protection business, so it would make sense to go after them first. Some inner reorganization will also need to be done to ensure drugs are still being passed smoothly and ideally to block the supply for the other side. I can start looking into that.”

“Alright. Junho?”

The shark hybrid starts to answer, followed, one by one, by all the people present in the room. You scribble some notes down, watch Jungkook shoot down some ideas, tell people who to work with, and you certainly notice the glances exchanged by the people who, like you, were used to working with Mr. X. Though some seem skeptical, none appear to view it as a sign of weakness, which is a good sign.

The meeting is starting to fizzle out — roles have been attributed for the most part, only a few details remain to be explained — when a security guard walks in.

Immediately, a room full of some of the most dangerous people in the city, if not the country, spin around to glare at him, and he takes a cautious step back.

“Um, ma’am,” he says, looking somewhat relieved once he’s found you, “I have someone downstairs who says they have business with a Mr. Jeon?”

Jungkook sits up straight, and you hold back a curse. You’ll need to tell them to give the information to you in private next time.

“And who’s that person?”

“A lady called… Anna Xanders?”

Great. Great.

As Anna makes her way towards the conference room, the only people left inside waiting are yourself, Suga and Jungkook. You wish he hadn’t allowed her in the building, but you hadn’t made that opinion known, all too aware of the fact that it wouldn’t be well received. He was the one who had asked the two of you to stay, though, and that meant that you had to fight every fiber of your body to stop yourself from fidgeting. Above all, there was the creeping fear that he’d go back to the Circle after meeting with her, when he was in no state to do so.

Suga looked unbothered, but then again, so did you. Jungkook, on the other hand, seemed perfectly relaxed, and you supposed that had to be somewhat close to what he was really feeling.

“You shouldn’t be seeing her,” Suga says flatly. “Unless you want me to kill her.”

If that was the case, she should be taken to a remote location first. You didn't want that happening in the building. It would be a pain to get cleaned up.

“I’m not killing her,” Jungkook replies, rolling his eyes. “Just want to know what she has to say.”

You suppose in any normal situation, that would be good news, but in this case God do you wish he wanted to kill her.

Through the opaque glass, you make out her silhouette, leaving you a few seconds more to prepare yourself. One deep breath, one more attempt at getting rid of the surprisingly strong emotions swirling in your stomach, and then she opens the door.

She’s wearing all black, save for a long, elegant white scarf. She’s still carrying that look of hurt dignity, head held high, blonde hair falling down on her shoulders and behind her back. It must be so easy to fall for it, hook line and sinker, you think. Maybe if you made yourself look hurt, you would benefit from people’s sympathy as well.

Or maybe you would be dead.

“Jungkook,” she says, and then she releases a shaky little breath that makes her look weak under the strength she’s trying to present, and you refrain from rolling your eyes.

She is just as in control of herself as you are.

“Anna,” he replies, and you’re relieved that he at least doesn’t look impressed nor moved by the spectacle. He just looks somewhat— bored. “What do you want?”

There’s a look of hurt on her face at his direct approach, but she conceals it quickly.

“I— I heard about what happened last night,” she says softly. “I just wanted to check on you. I know— I know you haven’t replied to me and you probably don’t want to see me, but I— I just needed to know you were alright.”

You clench your teeth, unusual rage constricting your chest. Surely he’ll know that she didn’t once check on him when he was at the Circle, surely he’ll see through—

“Replied to you?” he asks, rising an eyebrow.

“Oh, I’ve been trying to get in touch with you, haven’t you…?”

You certainly don’t miss the tiniest spark of satisfaction in her eyes, even if she glances down to the floor to hide it. Jungkook glances in your direction with a frown.

“Anything suspect must have been thrown away,” you reply with a shrug. Not a truth, but not a lie either.

“Surely flowers aren’t suspect,” Anna says, and though her voice remains soft, you know that she’s annoyed, probably less because of your interference than because it means you have power over her. You’ve always been beneath her, at her beck and call. Now, she is the one who’s nothing.

“They’re an inconvenience to hybrids if they smell too strongly,” you say.

“But the engraved knife wasn’t,” Anna adds, sounding just a little too triumphant, and you annoyingly miss a beat to answer her, unsure what she’s talking about. A knife…?

“Oh, yeah, we assumed it was probably a threat,” Yoongi drawls from the other side of the table. “Figured there was no reason to bother the boss with it.”

Anna’s quick to mask her defeat, letting a small, soft ‘Oh’, while Jungkook rolls his eyes once more — but you’d swear you saw a grin on his lips.

“Next time, just transfer it,” he says. “I can deal with that shit. What d’you want?”

“Right, sorry, I— I just wish you and I could talk. There’s— so much I never got the chance to tell you, and I— I think I could help you with some of the issues you’ve been having. Many people are quite loyal to me, because of my father, you know. I’m sure I could have some sway over them and ensure that you and— and everyone remains safe. If that’s something you’d like, of course.”

Of course, your first thought is that this offer should be rejected. Anna should not be trusted, not in any scenario. The second one is more… puzzled. You know for a fact that she wasn’t very involved in the Organization, even if she very much enjoyed the money and status her father’s identity offered her. Could she have been approached by people? Was she trying to test the waters, to see who the highest bidder would be?

There was not much loyalty towards Mr. X, just fear — in most circles. Those who were loyal, you should be able to look into fairly easily. Maybe that was something you should get on, when you’d get a second.

“Yeah, that may be a good thing,” Jungkook says, and you jolt back to the present scene just in time to avoid throwing him a horrified look. Instead, you slowly tilt your head in his direction. Nothing. He’s not smiling, doesn’t look particularly annoyed either.

“There are other ways to gain loyalty,” Suga comments, and you know Jungkook also hears the dangerous, warning edge in his voice. Clearly, he wants this as little as you do.

“And we'll look into them as well,” Jungkook says, tone final. “What do you say? Do you want to schedule a meeting?”

A lovely blush colors Anna's cheeks, and she coyly pushes a lock of hair behind her ear.

You could rip her face off.

“How about having dinner together?”

Again, no emotions from Jungkook.

“That works too.” He glances at you. “Think you can find a time?”

“You’re going to be quite busy from now on,” you say, mostly stalling to swallow down anger, worry, and other things you don’t want to dwell on. “But I suppose I could arrange for you to have some time free next week.”

“Oh,” Anna says, softly, “this might be urgent, don’t you think you—”

“Next week it is then,” Jungkook interrupts her, giving a nod of approval in your direction. “We’ll handle the details.” Then he lifts his chin to point at the door. “You know the way.”

She presses her lips in disappointment, but that fades in favor of the victory she’s just gained — and which she knows she’s just gained over two of Jungkook’s closest advisors. Suga is obviously seething, and she knows you well enough to be able to tell. You can only watch as she exits the room.

She’s good enough of an actress not to smile until she’s out of sight.

“You two don’t get to decide that shit for me,” Jungkook’s voice resonates in the silence that follows. You expected anger, but there’s none there.

“We wouldn’t have to if you made good fucking decisions,” Suga hisses. “What the fuck are you doing? We’re not taking her in. She’d have sold her own fucking father to make it that day.”

“I know.”

“Then what—”

“My problem. Not yours.”

There’s a growl, and then Suga’s storming out, leaving you alone with Jungkook. Not a situation you want to be in right now, so you bow politely in his direction.

“If you'll excuse me, Mr. Jeon, I—”

“Why’d you hide the roses from me?”

He’s just asking, you see it in his eyes. The lie, or the half-truth, that you didn’t want him to ally himself with her, comes to you easily, fully formed. But it’s not what ends up making it past your lips.

“Last time you heard from her, you had to be picked up from a bar, where you got into a fight with a customer after hours upon hours of fighting at the Circle. I don’t believe that she is... good for you, Mr. Jeon.”

There’s more, too, but that will have to do for the moment. Even now, your entire body is screaming at you that you shouldn't have revealed that much about yourself, and there’s nothing you can do to calm your thundering heart.

Jungkook stares at you, then speaks slowly, like he’s choosing his words carefully.

“I won’t do it this time.”

“Certainly,” you nod, “I’m sorry I—”

“No, I— I won’t do it this time. Seriously.”

You don't know what to say to that. You haven’t got a clue. What you do know is that Jungkook is looking straight into your eyes, your heart is pounding in your chest, and you’re sure that you're letting things show on your face that shouldn’t be here.

So you don't say anything — don't trust your voice, really, not when the rest of your body is failing you treacherously —, nod.

And then you flee.

If you could avoid it, you don't think you would leave the office at all in the days that follow. You have considered transforming one of the offices into a small bedroom anyway, it’s always good to ensure there is place for people to rest — or to discreetly operate on someone who cannot go to a hospital because the wounds would raise too many questions — and in the current circumstances, anytime someone highly ranked in the Organization takes a step outside, they are putting their lives in danger.

Of course, everyone else is aware of that, and none of them would limit themselves in such a fashion, but the difference is that you hear about everything. Every attack is brought back to you, whether it is threats hurled at someone from across the road, a stabbing in an alleyway, or a car chase on the freeway. If someone switches allegiance, you’re the one who writes it down and updates the relevant people. If there’s a shootout, if a car burns down, if a gun goes missing—

You. It all comes back to you.

You suppose it makes sense, then, that you are the one who wants to take the most precaution to protect your life, though you know others are doing it as well. Fred, you’ve heard, doesn’t stray outside of the area he has full control over. You’ve also been told that even Junho has barely been seen outside of the hybrid district, not even showing up to the Circle. They could afford that, but you still had to leave your apartment every morning to take your car — was anywhere more dangerous than these metal boxes these days — and get to work.

Yet you kept doing it.

It wasn’t that you thought they couldn't get to you, you were nowhere near that naive. You had reinforced your security, were always followed by a second car, and you had men keep an eye on your apartment day and night, but even then you knew issues could arise. Corruption, carefully planned attacks, or even sheer bad luck, everything was possible and there was no way of accounting for it all. It had worked out for you so far, which you took as a sign that you were doing your job well, but it could all change at the drop of a hat.

It wasn’t some stupid, self-sacrificial decision either. You supposed some people in this new version of the Organization might see it that way, those who were loyal to Jungkook to the death. Thinking that there was something ‘noble’ about putting their lives on the line. The idea could almost rip a laugh out of you. There was nothing noble about your job, no matter who you were working for. You were receiving word of enough stabbings, arsons and grand larceny coming from your side not to have any illusions on the topic.

You were also fully aware of how important your role was in the Organization at the moment. You had tried to make yourself indispensable earlier, and now you were, without most of your previous efforts having played much of a role in that. It seemed that you shone through specifically in times of crisis. If something happened to you right now, you would not be replaced easily. And yet, every morning and every evening, you still stepped out of the towering glass building that was the current headquarters, and went back to your apartment.

Because, once more, it all came down to the image you were giving.

If the number three of the Organization didn’t dare to walk outside, if she didn't trust her own men to protect her, if she didn't believe that she was powerful enough to protect at least herself, then what was the rest of them to do? Lie down and await death?

You had even hesitated before taking on additional protection, only allowing yourself to do so because you thought that Jungkook’s presence and his very visible confidence in the people that surrounded him could counteract the fear that that decision would display coming from you.

‘Thought’. Ha.

The right word would be ‘felt’, but you didn’t make decisions based on feelings. You never did.

You weren’t going to start now, were you?

If you felt uneasy going to and then coming back from work, that was nothing compared to way your agitation spiked when you travelled through town with Jungkook. The two of you being together like that, that made you the easiest, most interesting preys, like pheasants’ release on the opening day of the hunting season.

You could explain the decision by pointing to the image it gave once again, but you weren’t sure if that wasn’t crossing the line between confidence and simple stupidity. Maybe you should have fought Jungkook harder on it, but the truth was you had barely brought it up. Because if you were in the car with him, even if that put the both of you at risk, it at least meant that you didn’t have to spend your days in fear of the phone call that would tell you he’d died.

What was wrong with you these days, you couldn’t have explained.

At least, as he’d told you, he had mostly healed from his injuries in less than a week, which allowed him to sit comfortably across from you, back straight, legs spread, as he looked out at the city with the eyes of a man who knew he owned most of it. His long ears were, as always, skillfully hidden underneath a discreet, black hairband. It made you wonder how much of his behavior was a façade. He was, clearly, at least as aware of the importance of the image he gave as you were.

You weren’t faring quite as well as him, though. You knew that, despite your best efforts and your years of work, there was tension vibrating through you that you couldn’t quite hide. It was in the slightly too quick cadence of your voice, in your movements that were just a touch too jerky, in the glances you were constantly throwing around the car — rear-view mirror first, then windshield, then left and right windows.

There had been two attempts against the two of you since the war had begun. Both had been easily thwarted, and none of them involved firearms, but you knew it was a question of when, not if.

“Hey,” Jungkook calls, and you're thankful that you at least don’t jump at that, but you’re still too quick at looking in his direction.

Dammit. You need to get your rhythm under control.

“Yes, Mr. Jeon?”

He rolls his eyes, you think at the name you use rather than at you. You don't know what he wants you to do with that. He’s the one that asked you to call him that.

“I know you don’t do chill, but seriously, you’re going to explode if you keep it up.”

“There’s a war going on, Mr Jeon.” You think you manage not to sound reproachful. You wouldn’t want him to be in the same state you are. You just can’t help yourself.

“I’m aware,” he replies and, where an explosion would have occurred just a couple of months ago, there’s only a frown on his face. “This still isn't helping.”

Before you realize what you’re doing, you’re allowing yourself a deep breath. When you do, when you brain starts screaming at you, asking you what the fuck is going on, you’ve already done it, and all you can do to try and save face is stop yourself from freezing like a deer in headlights.

Jungkook is just looking at you. You see something twitch in his jaw, his fists clenching, and then he’s the one who looks away, tongue pushing against the inside of his cheek.

“You might be right,” you say, dropping the usual ‘Mr. Jeon’ but unable to bring yourself to call him Jungkook, “but this has kept me alive so far. I— have no reason to believe that anything else would do the same.”

He closes his eyes shut for a second, then he looks back at you. His elbow is resting on the window, thumb hovering a few millimeters from his lips. He looks at you — really looks at you, takes you all in — and you feel a now familiar burn spreading over your body. You have no idea if he can tell.

Right now, you're not even quite sure whether you want him to or not.

He opens his mouth.

And that is you catch movement from the corner of your eye, and before you can turn your head, shock explodes through the car and then it's spent spinning.

Your hand shoots for the handle and you hold on to it desperately, eyes tightly shut, pulled back against the seat with bruising force by your seatbelt. You hear the window exploding, feel the tiny cuts the shards of glass leave on your skin, hear Jungkook curse, the smell of burning tires reaches your nose, your stomach lurches in your chest, and then it stops, but there is no time for the ringing silence to settle. By the time you manage to open your eyes, heart pounding so loud you think it might escape from your rib cage, there’s shouting outside, and then Jungkook’s pulling your head down as shots start to ring.

“Fuck,” he hisses through his teeth, hand still in your hair, as his body forms a shield between you and the direction the shots are coming from — you think, you’re too disoriented to tell at the moment, but he seems not to hesitate. What does hit you in that moment, when you inhale, trying to bring air into your frozen lungs, is the earthy smell coming from him, touches of pine, probably from his soap, and something musky that is definitely him.

If you could slap yourself for losing the precious second that thought takes to formulate, you would, but at least the rush of something that this proximity sends through your body easily blends with everything else happening at the moment, and Jungkook doesn't seem to notice.

“We’re followed by another car,” you manage to say, though the words stumble out of your mouth way too fast, “they should take action—”

“Yeah, but we still need to get out of here,” he growls. “We’re too good of a target. They’ll get brave and get closer any time now.”

You have to take his word for it. You’ve never been in that kind of situation before. Adrenaline is running through your veins almost painfully and you feel your fight or flight reaction kicking in — with one hundred percent of your energy going towards ‘flight’. One glance in the direction of the driver tells you that he’s slumped over the wheel, possibly unconscious, but likely dead.

You should probably feel more at that thought than annoyance at the fact that you’re going to have to replace him, but truth is if you felt sadness over every death that happened in this city, you would have crumpled a long time ago.

The loud screeching of tires on concrete outside tells you that the reinforcements have arrived.

“Alright,” Jungkook says. “That should buy us some time.”

For the first time, he looks down at you. Your heart flutters inappropriately — oh my God, just shut the fuck up — when you meet his eyes, but all it solidifies is the fact that he, unlike you, knows exactly what he's doing. In that moment, you don’t doubt for a second that, if you make it out alive, it will be thanks to him.

He kicks open the door behind him, the one facing away from all the turmoil. One of his hands holds a vice-like grip on your wrist, pulling with him in that direction. You stumble after him, your heels wholly unadapted for the situation, and crouch behind the car as he glances over it to surveil what’s happening.

The shots, briefly interrupted by the arrival of the second car, are picking up again, and with them your heart rate. You manage to take in the surroundings, but there isn’t much to be gained from it. It’s a quiet area by the river, long stretches of concrete and not a soul in sight.

You’ll have to do a better job at keeping to more populated areas.

“I think they only have one car,” Jungkook tells you, crouching back down next to you.

“So do we, for now,” you say with a frown. You have enough safety protocols in place to think that the men that are here must have called for help the second they saw something was wrong, but for now the forces are pretty much in equal number.

Which means that you’re stranded next to wrecked car, on a road on which nothing can move at the moment. The two of you might as well be sitting ducks.

Your phone buzzes and you fish it out of the purse that you have somehow kept in your clenched fist this whole time. As you open your hand, you grimace slightly at the traces your fingernails have left inside your palm. Shit. You didn’t even notice that.

Right next to your phone, you feel your gun. You've never used it in this kind of situation, and your fingers hesitate, hovering above the grip for a second before you decide against it. You'll still have it, should you need it, but it just feels so small and useless out here in the open, with shots and shouts ringing behind you, that you don’t want to give yourself some false comfort by holding on to it.

Your phone, on the other hand, is your life line in any situation, this one included, because on the screen, you see displayed four names and telephone numbers.

Someone is getting a raise this month.

Jungkook frowns, nose scrunching, when you type a reply, and even more when you press the dial button and bring the phone to your ear.

“There’s more important—”

“Who is this?” a voice groans on the other side. Even if it's hard to tell with all the noise, you think you're hearing the shots echoed through the speaker.

“Mr. Lee,” you say, “I recommend you stop shooting at us.”

There’s a silence, during which you glance at Jungkook, who now looks at least somewhat impressed.

“That’s— Wha— How d’you— How d’you know—”

As the man tries to find his words — and you don't doubt that he must be feeling sheer terror at the idea that you even know his name — you see Jungkook lifting up his head suddenly, one of his long ears, which slipped out of the bandana in the turmoil, twitching. You try to catch a glance of what’s happening, but you see nothing. He’s either smelling or hearing something you can’t, but it makes him nod decisively before leaning towards you.

“Keep him talking, and don't move from here,” he whispers in your ear, breath warm against your skin. You tell yourself that everything is just heightened in that moment, that every sensations are stronger, and that that is the only reason why your skin tingles where his hair brushes against it. Even then, you're thankful he leaves immediately after, quietly getting around the car, so he doesn't see the slow way you swallow after that, or the slow breath you let out.

It almost pained you, to have him so close to you, and even if you don't have time to think about it, even you are starting to realize what is happening within yourself.

“Mr. Lee,” you keep going nonetheless, compartmentalizing like it’s second nature — because it is —, pulling up the additional informations you’ve just been sent, “please think about what your sister would think about what you're doing right now.”

“Don’t you fucking dare—”

“She’s a school teacher,” you continue. “She sounds like a good person. So does Mr. Kang’s wife— a nurse, isn’t she?”

You think you should feel disgusted with yourself, right about now, but there’s only place for cold determination within you. You know that you would never go after anyone for their familial relationships, and that is enough for you. They don’t seem to know. Probably would, if they’d done their research, it’s something that’s been whispered about for quite some time in the Organization, but they’ve either been sent without any information, or foolishly saw this opportunity as a way to climb up in the ranks.

Either way, what a waste.

“And Mr. Min has two young children, isn't that sweet.”

A curse, and then he shouts a name.

“I’ll make you eat your fucking heart if you hurt them, you fucking bitch,” another voice yells in the phone, and you just stare into the dark, cold waters that stretch in front of you. None of these men will be getting back to their family alive. Even if they manage to kill you, you doubt they'll escape this place. “You’re just scared,” he adds, and you blink. You should be scared, he’s right, but you mostly feel empty. “You didn't even have to be in there. Could have just picked the right fucking side instead of being a hybrid’s whore. I swear to God, if you touch my kids, we’ll—”

“Mr. Min, I already have men on their way to your house,” you interrupt him. “The sooner you surrender, the sooner I can call off my orders.”

On the other side, a number of muffled ‘fuck’, and then a brief exchange between the group. You don't think the others will back up, and it's only a matter of time before they get desperate, but for now you get a second to try to see what’s happening — and, ideally, spot your boss.

It’s when you do that you see Suga, crouched on top of the car. Based on the way the men are talking amongst themselves, they have no clue he's here.

“I’ll get your head on a fucking spi—”

Things don’t last very long once Suga springs into action. The first kill is quick and messy, knife slicing into one of the men's throat, twice, back and forth. Blood splatters all over the floor and you wince in disgust. By the time he falls to his knees, Suga's already moved on to the next one. He gets a little more time to protect himself, but the killer’s movements are too fast. His hands wrap around his neck and he squeezes with inhuman strength.

As he struggles, the other two seem to regain their focus and start to take aim at him.

It only lasts a second before Jungkook is on them. He’s slower than Suga, but there’s also more power in his movements. His fist catches the first man’s jaw as the other hand rips the machine gun — where the fuck did they get that from — out of his hands. By the time the fourth man has spun around, he’s balancing on one leg, his foot coming up to kicking him in the chest and sending him reeling for several steps.

The gun spins in his hands, and then he's using the grip to hit the man he punched, still standing. It only takes three strikes before he falls, you think, but Jungkook lands a few more before he hits the ground. When he turns around, there’s no amusement on his face, unlike what you were used to see when he was at the Circle. There's just determination and anger, maybe, if you’re reading him correctly — an ability you’ve been doubting lately.

The only man left doesn’t stand a chance, but even then, Jungkook doesn’t drag the fight on any longer than he needs to. There are, you suspect, some unnecessary punches, done more to inflict pain than anything else — these ones get the man in the stomach, have him keeling over and spitting out blood — but really, it’s all over in a few minutes.

The guy Yoongi had been strangling is also down for the count.

Jungkook and him are the only ones left standing.

There’s a brief exchange of glances between them, then a nod, and Jungkook gestures at the men on your side, who are slowly coming out of the second car. You suspect that this was a baptism of fire for them, used to blades and fists, but much less so to the kind of guns these guys had been operating; one of them remains in the car, likely wounded and you see Suga walking over to them.

You get on your feet as well. Your brain seems to have a hard time registering the fact that the threat is gone, your muscles feel too tight to move. As you take your first step, you feel pain shooting up your leg.

Shit. You hadn’t noticed you’d hurt your ankle.

But that doesn't stop you from making your way over to the group. You’ll have it checked out later, you don’t think you’ll have a choice, but for now you’d rather people not know about it.

“Why did it take you so long to intervene?” Jungkook’s snarling by the time you arrive.

“We had to turn around,” one of the men, a tall, lean cat-hybrid replies. “They knew which car you were in.”

“And how the fuck would they—”

“We have moles on their side,” you offer as you come to stand next to him, “it’s no wonder they would too.” You don’t add that, while it could have been someone at HQ, it could just as easily be one of these men. If it is the case, you don't want the mole to do something desperate right now.

Jungkook’s eyes scan you briefly. Aside from your ankle, you think you only have minor injuries. He gives a sigh of relief, or maybe he’s just breathless from the fight.

“For now,” you continue, “we need to get out of here. The police will want to interrogate us, I’ll let you know what story we’ll be going for later, but we can't be caught—”

“Watch out!”

From the way the men rush out of the way, you have to assume the threat comes behind you, but your reflexes aren’t anywhere near as fast as the hybrid’s, and as you turn your head, catching sight of the car, the thought occurs to you, clear as day, as while it rushes towards you.

This is how it ends.

Honestly, you’d feared worst.

Much to your surprise, your body forces you to lunge forward, survival instinct kicking in where you thought you had none left. Your bad ankle just does not have the strength you need to make it completely out of the way, though, and you make yourself no illusions. At least, though, you go out trying to survive.

You hadn’t thought you would.

And then arms close around you and you’re pulled forward, barely hearing the scream of effort it takes over the roaring of the engine.

You blink at the car that goes past you, see it crashing one last time in the low concrete wall that runs alongside the river. The driver collapses on the wheel, and then Yoongi’s running past you, no doubt ensuring that he doesn’t move again. He makes it quick.

In your world, that is no small mercy.

But you don't get to think about that, not when the heat coming from Jungkook’s body is spreading through yours and when his hands grab your shoulders tightly as wide, panicked eyes search yours.

“Fuck, are you okay?”

You can’t do anything but nod.

He’s gripping you tightly, fingers digging into your skin, and he looks— he looks terrified. You don't know what to do with that.

So you lower your gaze, clear your throat. One of you has to keep their head on their shoulders.

“I’m alright.”

Still no ‘Mr. Jeon’.

“We need to leave this place.”

As you say that, you raise an arm, brush your fingers over the back of his hand. He jumps at the feeling, glances down at you even as you let your arm fall back down again, then back to your face. His gaze drops to your lips — you think — and then he takes a step back.

“Yeah. You're right, I just— fuck. I thought he was out for the count. I’m sorry.”

“You've saved my life twice today,” you say — softly, you think, but it’s hard to tell. “You don’t have to apologize to me.”

“Still, I—”

“Jungkook. Thank you.”

He looks conflicted, but then he sighs and gestures for you to get in the car.

In the crowded vehicle, you allow yourself a second to close your eyes. His arm, tense as bowstring, is brushing against you, and for a second, there’s just static in your brain, just exhaustion and his warmth that’s transferring to you.

Soon, of course, you go back to the planning, to the things you’ll need to change to ensure this doesn’t happen again, to everything that is to come and everything that needs to be done, the never ending list unfolding neatly in your mind.

But there is a second of quiet first. A second where, for once, you don’t try to fight the complicated feelings that have been going through you lately and where you almost — almost, but not quite — let yourself melt against the man who’s saved your life twice today.

So there it is. Uh. This might be the fastest chapter I've written as well as the longest. I did use a different writing method for this one so I don't know how this worked out. Because I wrote it on the heels of the last one, I was still in 'OC's voice', so it wasn't as hard to get back into it. I also wrote a lot more regularly. So... yeah, I would love it if you'd let me now how you feel about this, and hopefully getting another chapter in less than a month isn't too much of a shock for you lol. I hope you enjoyed the chapter!

[minnies-recs]

So glad to see you’re resuming this story! It has such a unique tone and vibe and I’m really happy it’s back! Also happy that mc and jk’s relationship is getting more complex!

[threeletterslife]

26 | Legends of Darlaria

⨰ summary: You wake up in yet another unfamiliar place. This time, however, these strangers seem to recognize you. With your previous judgments and aspirations thrown out the window, you're now forced to face where your loyalties really lie. Who will you betray? And which General will you choose to stand by his side?

⨰ pairing/rating: yoongi x reader & jungkook x reader | PG-15

⨰ genre: 70% angst, 30% fluff | war!au & magic!au

⨰ warnings: profanity

⨰ wordcount: 4.7k

⨰ join the taglist! (pm/send in an ask/reply/reblog)

⨰ previous | series m.list | next

⧖⧗Circa Opal⧗⧖

Purple. You see purple. Such an unnatural shade of it too—a hue you’d never see in the wilderness. Purple. It spreads across your vision, swirling in deep pools of violet, mauve, mulberry. At first, you think you’re imagining it—the swirling, the shift in hues. But you soon realize that the ceiling itself is moving.

No, not the ceiling.

A canvas. A woven canvas on the ceiling. The purple threads are in constant motion, rippling across the canvas and back, mirroring the waves of the Aranian lake. It’s mysterious. Majestic, too. You wonder if you’re still dreaming. The last thing you remember is being on the battlefield.

A gasp leaves your lips.

The battlefield!

You were attacked by a Darlaean soldier. Are you in Darlae? Have you been captured? Do you still have your memories? You quickly sit up, only to realize you’re no longer in your Solarian uniform. Instead, you’re wearing a frilly, off-white nightgown. The fabric is silky, soft and delicate when you run your fingers across it, but it feels so wrong on you. In fact, everything feels wrong. There are one too many plush pillows supporting your back, the luxurious bed is uncomfortably supple underneath you and the blankets covering your legs look excessive with their extravagantly embroidered designs made from silver thread. 

Then there are the people. There are so many people. People who you don’t recognize, people who have gathered around the bed three times the size of your cot back home. Not to mention, there’s also a stranger sitting at the edge of your bed.

No, not a stranger. Upon closer look, you realize he’s the man who attacked you on the battlefield. The man from your dreams. But it can’t be… He’s wearing a long cape with a fur collar draped over his shoulders. A silver sword sits sheathed around his belt. And his uniform… It’s black with silver and purple accents.

Why haven’t they killed you yet? Why haven’t they begun their torture? Is this all part of a larger scheme? Will they soon take away the nice clothes, the comfortable bed and make your life a living hell? 

Your eyes dart around the room you’ve been captured in. It’s quite large with oak-paneled walls and smooth, stone floors. A beautifully carved escritoire sits at one of the corners and on it is a colorful collection of candles, books, bottles of ink and parchment paper. You remember this exact room from your dreams. Could it be that you’re dreaming now? Maybe you’re dying and this is what your mind decides to conjure up in your last few seconds to live.

But then why does everything feel so real?

“You can give up the act now.”

Your head jerks towards the man sitting at the edge of the bed. He’s frowning, but it’s strangely not the murderous kind. 

“A-Act…?” you whisper. 

What act? How could any of this be an act? When you don’t even know what’s going on?

What is he even doing here? Why are you in a frilly nightgown? Why aren’t you being tortured? Why are you in a familiar room with unfamiliar people surrounding you? And why… Why do they look so worried?

There’s a sinking feeling in your stomach.

Your hands shake as they reach up to clutch the diamond pendant around your neck.

No. It can’t be. 

“They did something to you.” The man sounds accusatory. They? Does he mean the Solarians? Does he mean you?

“I…” The words won’t come out. 

“Did they do something to you, Y/N?”

His voice… It sounds so light and silvery. So familiar. And your name. Your name had fallen from his lips. You don’t remember ever giving it to him. 

Tears well up in your eyes.

It feels like you’re drowning and the waves are crashing over you.

You can’t seem to say anything. Can’t seem to register his questions, either.

But maybe you’ve always known. Maybe it’s time to finally fucking admit it.

You’re Darlaean.

Things make sense now. Why no one ever recognized you when you woke up in Solaria. Why you had to reconnect with fire. Why a Darlaean war prisoner recognized you. It all clicks into place.

Your fingers tighten around the pendant. 

Is this…? Is it really your gemstone? 

You spent so long denying it, so long hiding it that it doesn’t feel possible anymore. But what about the dream where the man had gifted the necklace to you? Had he only been fastening it on?

Your hands begin to shake.

It is him. The lover in your dreams. It has to be. The same stance, stature, aura… It’s all oddly familiar but you don’t find comfort in it.

Who are you really? If you’re not Ryu Y/N, then who the hell could you be? Have you stolen someone else’s identity? Someone else’s name?

Suddenly, you feel like you can’t breathe.

Your hands cover your face as you hunch over, tears streaming out of your eyes.

Cold hands press against your back. Someone leans in. You can feel his warm breath against your ear. “Get a hold of yourself,” he whispers. “There are people watching.”

The words bring chills down your spine. 

Does he know? Does he know that you don’t remember anything? Does he want you to pretend that you do? Will he kill you if you don’t comply? His demeanor, his near-threatening words… At one point, did you really love each other?

You choke back your tears, wiping them away with the lace handkerchief that the man hands you. “I’m… I’m sorry,” you sniffle. “I’m just so… happy… to be back.”

There are gasps and sighs of relief as a low, happy chatter begins to fill the room. You might’ve fooled them, but the man watches you with cold eyes. He knows you’re lying.

“Everybody out,” he orders. “I’d like to talk to my girlfriend alone.”

Before you can even register what he’d called you, the room quickly empties. And suddenly, it’s completely silent. He stares at you emotionlessly, yet you feel him scrutinizing your every breath, your every blink. And after a long, tortuous time, he speaks again.

“You don’t remember anything.”

Your hands begin to tremble uncontrollably. Your grip around the handkerchief tightens as you attempt to stop, but it’s no use. You’re terrified. Will he kill you if you admit it? Past girlfriend or not, are you nothing to him now that he’s seen you fighting for Solaria? Will he kill you if you lie? 

“You’ve always been a bad liar,” he says. His countenance is impenetrable, but he seems to be able to read you like an open book. “So tell me the truth. What do you know?”

“I-I…” Your voice quivers though you don’t want it to. “I woke up in a Solarian medical tent,” you squeak, “with my memory completely wiped. I… I only remembered my name. T-They didn’t know where I came from either, but… but they were kind enough to take me in.”

Silence.

Except for the rapid heartbeat in your chest.

“You thought you were a helluvian.”

“S-Sorry?”

“A tree hugger. A fire licker. A fucking Solarian.”

He looks menacing. And for the first time since you’ve met this man, you see emotion on his face: anger. But you can’t lie. He knows you can’t do it. If he catches you in one, you might as well have been killed in battle. You have no choice but to tell the truth.

“Y-Yes,” you whisper. “Up until now… Sir.”

The anger morphs into distress. “You can’t call me that,” he says, running his fingers through his hair. “For fuck’s sake, Y/N. We’ll be keeping this a secret, do you understand? The king has already arranged a celebration in the name of your return. If the people find out that you’ve been willingly living with those helluvians, they’re going to start a riot. I don’t want to send another army to one of the cities.”

You’re rendered speechless.

“There’s a potion that can expedite the memory-recovery process,” he continues. “It normally takes months to make… But if I get a few hand-selected, trustworthy royal healers to work on it from day to night, we could get it done in three days’ time. I’ll convince the king to postpone the celebration until then.” 

Just like that? You can get your memories back? But you spent so long trying to repress them. Even when they came as dreams, you spent circas convincing yourself that they were just that: dreams—nothing more. You don’t want your memories back. But you can’t really refuse, can you?

“For Sooht’s sake,” you murmur, hands reddening around the balled-up handkerchief. You don’t have a choice.

The man visibly stiffens. “No Darlaean wants to hear helluvian dialect. They could kill you for that.” He pauses slightly. “They could also have you killed for treason. For fraternizing with the enemy for three years.”

He’s trying to scare you. To show you how serious the situation is. But you know that already. You know you’re in deep trouble. You also know that he’s helping you in his own way, even though it doesn’t seem like it. He wants you to pretend to be on Darlae’s side. He needs you to remember who you were before. Urgently. But why? Are you someone special? Because you’re the Darlaean General’s lover?

He shakes his head. “Y/N,” he says. “You were our General. General Kwang.”

It takes a moment for his words to register in your head. And once they do, shock takes over your entire body. You feel frozen in time, unable to move, unable to react. It’s preposterous. There’s no way. No fucking way.

The world spins.

And once the spinning starts, things begin to make sense. It’s why creating battle plans felt like second nature to you. Why you were able to write them without remembering the terrains of the battlegrounds—because your subconscious remembered. It’s why you were so seamlessly able to rise up the rank of the Solarian Army—because you had experience. 

Oh no.

You used to fight head-to-head against the General. Your General. How many Solarian deaths have you indirectly caused? If he knew, would he have wanted to kill you?

And oh, oh how betrayed the Darlaean General must feel! You’d taken Darlaean war strategies and then used them against Darlae! Does he know? Did he suspect? Should you confess? Repent what you’ve done?

“You don’t have to say anything,” he says. 

How does he always know what you’re thinking? 

“I already know what you’ve done.”

Your hands have become white from your tight grip on the handkerchief. 

“I-I’m sorry.”

And you are. But you’re also sorry to your General. To all of the Solarians you hurt when you used to lead the Darlaean Army. To all of the families, friendships, relationships you ruined unknowingly.

“I don’t need an apology,” the Darlaean General says. “The only thing you need to do is pretend you never lost your memories. Follow along, don’t arouse suspicion, keep quiet and don’t look so clueless all the time. Unfortunately, I’ve already notified your parents of your arrival. They, of course, haven’t answered my message yet, but I’ll try to keep them from visiting you. It won’t be too hard.” He glances at you for your reaction. There is none. At least none that are visible. “The real complication would be convincing the king to let me keep my position now that you’re here.” Upon your inquisitive look, he’s generous enough to clarify: “I was your lieutenant general. I’ve only been appointed as the temporary General in your absence.”

He might be the temporary General, but he created permanent damage during his reign. He’s the one who undoubtedly endorsed all those cruel spells. He’s the one who refused to have a winter truce. And was he also the one who sent the monocodes? The codes that did nothing but aid the Solarians in victory? But maybe you were right. Maybe it was a message after all.

The words begin to unscramble in your mind.

Jewel. Usurp. Nineteen. General. Kwang. Opal. Orchard. King. You and the other officers spent circas trying to understand what they meant until you all gave up. But maybe you were thinking too deeply. Maybe it was something simple. Something so simple that everyone missed it. You run the words in your head again.

Jewel.

Usurp.

Nineteen.

General.

Kwang.

Opal.

Orchard.

King.

Your eyes widen and a shaky breath leaves your lips. It had been right in front of your damn face this entire time! The message! His identity! It had been an acronym!

“Jungkook,” you whisper. Something about his name feels so familiar. “The codes,” you say. “You sent them.”

“I knew you’d decipher them,” he says. “I never thought you’d use them against me.”

“I-I’m sorry.” It sounds as sincere as you mean it.

“You shouldn’t be,” is the surprising answer. “It was my mistake. I believed that you would come back for me when you figured out the monocode. So I repeated them, hoping you’d give me a signal that you were okay. I was wrong.”

You didn’t even figure out the full code until now. And even if you did figure it out in Solaria, what would you have done with a single name? Would you have connected it back to the Darlaean General? Maybe after some trial and error, but you and the rest of Solaria would’ve assumed it was some egoïstical move—not a desperate message to call for you.

Solaria.

Even thinking about it makes your heart clench.

How could you leave it behind so suddenly and without warning? You have friends there, dead or alive: Doyun, Nayoon, Hana, Suhyun, Wonmi, even Heli… The healers, the officers, the soldiers—your soldiers. You had a whole sector to run, for Sooht’s sake! And your General… No, not the Darlaean General but Yoongi. 

You can almost hear the echo of his scream in your head. When you were falling, when your vision had been crowding in black, he’d shouted your name. Not Officer, not Captain, but your actual name. You haven’t heard him say that since three years ago. What was the reason? Does the reason even matter? He called you by your name. And you don’t know why you’re so caught up on that detail when you have so many other things to be worried about, but you can’t help it.

He must be worried sick. 

Unless… Unless he already knows you’re Darlaean. What if he always knew?

Oh, for Sooht’s sake! Your gemstone! The necklace! You’d stupidly asked him to fasten it on for you. It can’t be, can it? Why he suddenly went silent, why his expression became so unreadable. When he said he trusted you… Is that what he meant? Did he know? Did he know and still let you fight for Solaria? You imagine the ghost of his touch on your neck, his fingers gently parting your hair out of the way… You want to see him. You desperately want to tell him that you didn’t betray him. That if you were given the choice, you’d choose Solaria in a heartbeat.

But no! You couldn’t possibly do that. You’re Darlaean by blood. You’d be betraying your birthplace… Yet, if you choose Darlae, you’d be betraying the only home you know.

You can hear your heartbeat in your head. It feels like it’s about to burst. Things you’ve wondered about for three fucking years—your family, your origin, your lover, your dreams—have all been answered within the span of several minutes. But it’s not enough! It’s not enough to change your mind. It’s not enough for you to swear yourself to Darlae. But you’re not Solarian, either. So what the fuck are you? Where do your loyalties lie now?

When the Solarians interrogated you to see if you were a Darlaean spy, were they right all along? Should you have been locked away years ago? Would that have been better for everyone?

“I’ll leave you to process everything.” The Darlaean General’s voice interrupts your thoughts, and when your vision focuses, he’s already standing up, making his way to the closed door.

“W-Wait.” 

He halts immediately.

“Was I supposed to be a spy?” you ask. You don’t know why. As if the answer would make you feel any better.

“No.” The Darlaean General shakes his head. “You disappeared in battle. It’s all I know.”

You frown. “But…” You’re hesitant, wondering if you should reveal more. But for fuck’s sake, this is your real home. He’s the man you’d shared so many memories with. He deserves to know, doesn’t he? “I woke up in a Solarian soldier’s uniform. I don’t understand. If I wasn’t a spy, then how…?”

The Darlaean General arches an eyebrow. “I see,” he says without so much of a shift in his expression. “You were always an excellent alchemist.” And before you can say any more, he walks straight out of the commodious bedroom, slamming the door behind him. It rattles everything in the room.

You stare at the dip in your bed—the one the Darlaean General had left. Is he acting cold and distant on purpose? He was or is your alleged boyfriend. Why isn’t he acting like it? Where is the worry? Where is the affection? Is it because he knows you don’t have your memories? Or is he usually like this? But then again, of course he would be wary! You lived with the enemy for three years! And for fuck’s sake he knows you fought against the Darlaeans. He knows you planned against them. 

Yet… he’s still protecting you in his own way. He could reveal what you’ve done to the king, but instead, he’s choosing to postpone the celebration to buy you time. He could have you killed for treason, but he’s keeping your involvement, your memory loss a secret. He lied to all those people. He made it seem like you had been in Solaria against your will.

But why? It doesn’t even seem like he likes you that much. But maybe it has something to do with his past love for you. The way he can read you so easily, predict your thoughts… He knows you better than you know yourself. 

An excellent alchemist. If only you knew what the hell that’s supposed to mean. Your knowledge of Darlaean magic is severely limited—the only thing you’re familiar with is transformation. What more do you need to learn? What more did you forget?

You collapse back on the bed, sinking into the pillows as the pliant mattress underneath swallows you whole. You feel a migraine seeping in.

If your Solarian friends knew you were really Darlaean, would they have shown you the same kindness? Would they have treated you with nice words and compassion? Would they have killed you?

The answer hurts. Back when Yoongi had been suspicious of you… when he had ripped your stitches… Back when Hyojung, Jeonwoo, Jaeno all believed you were a Darlaean in disguise… They’d treated you differently. As if you were the scum of the earth. Three years ago, Hyojung had called you a witch. Who would’ve thought she was right after all this time?

But are you really Darlaean? Sure, this was your home for possibly decades of your life, but if you can’t remember it, does it really matter? As far as you know, you’re Solarian. You spent three years thinking the Forgotten Kingdom was your enemy. So how can you possibly live here? In some sort of castle? With its oak-paneled walls, stone floors, and luxurious carpets and tapestries?

You slowly sit up, bringing your knees in to hug them and surveying the large room. There’s a wide window right next to the bed that’s partially hidden behind purple velvet curtains. You catch a glimpse of an upper-level view of a reddening orchard. Strange. Somehow, you must be above ground. There also appears to be a reflective material on the window—something you’ve never seen before. It creates a bit of a barrier between the outside world and within. As if you’re trying to keep the nature out. Feeling a little uncomfortable, you look away.

With the curtains obscuring most of the outside view, the room is void of natural light. It feels too dark, too regal. The crackling of the countless number of candles on the desk should calm you down, but it doesn’t. You miss the simplicity of your oil lamp. You miss the hardness of your cot, the small yet coziness of your tent… You miss the bareness of it, the scratchy straw mat, too. 

For Sooht’s sake, you miss the color red.

Everything is tainted in purple here: the intricate carpet underneath the massive bed, the woven canvas above you, the curtains, some candles and books—even the large oil painting on the wall next to the window boasts a purple palette. 

There are three subjects in the painting: two older women standing and a younger woman sitting between them. All three of them have on elegant, violet dresses as they pose quite rigidly in front of a dark background. It takes you a moment to realize that the woman in the middle is you. Is that what you used to look like? In Solaria, there were never many mirrors, so the most indication you got of your looks was in the water basins. Still, you look younger in the portrait—cheeks a little fuller, eyes a little rounder. When you turn your attention to the two women standing behind you in the painting, you realize you seem to resemble much of their features. You’ve got someone’s nose, someone’s eyes, someone’s lips. Are you…? Are you their daughter? If this is your room, then it would make sense that there is a large family portrait here.

So this must be the family you’ve yearned to meet. The family who wasn’t present when you woke up. The family who the Darlaean General said wouldn’t need much persuading to postpone seeing you. 

You have to look away.

In front of your bed is the wooden desk. Your heart aches for the trees that have been injured for it to exist. It’s perfectly fine to work on the ground, which is what you’ve done in Solaria for the past three years. Why is everything in excess here?

Slowly, you rise from the bed, your balance a little wobbly as you make your way over to the desk. The wood is dark, smooth, almost unnatural. There are books neatly stacked, and there is a bountiful collection of mauve-colored quills and black ink bottles. It all seems so familiar. You run your finger along the desk, expecting to see dust, but you don’t.

Even after three years, it seems that your room is being cleaned regularly. Or maybe they cleaned it upon your arrival. Maybe they let the dust collect back when they didn’t know if you were dead or alive. 

You slowly back away from the desk, turning your attention to the massive wardrobes against one of the walls of the room. They’re made of wood too, engraved in elaborate designs and towering over you in height. Back in Solaria, you had two sets of your officer uniform, one set of your soldier uniform and your old healer’s assistant uniform. How many clothes could one person need? Is this all really yours? Curious, you reach out to caress the knobs of the giant doors of one of the wardrobes. Then, you pull.

Immediately, a pleasant smell wafts into the air. You catch a hint of wisteria and white willow. Maybe a little bit of sage. Strangely enough, it feels undeniably you. But the clothes in the wardrobe—the dresses, gowns, frocks and robes—do not. You cannot fathom why anyone would need so many outfits. Aren’t two enough? Still, you can’t stop yourself from reaching out and admiring the different fabrics. There’s a handful of everything: silk, velvet, cotton, lace, wool, satin. But you stumble back in shock when your hand grazes fur. Then leather.

Your legs suddenly feel weak, so you walk over to your bed and slowly sink down on it, cradling your head in your hands. 

You feel sick. Is this who you were? Someone who neglected the outside world, exploited plants and animals, someone who was spoiled rotten, someone who was okay with this special treatment just because she had power? It feels so wrong—like you’re a fire tiger in water. All of this—the riches, the luxuries, the splendors—might have been you in the past, but this feels odd to you now. Solarians make do with what they have. It’s wasteful to take more, to have more than what you need. Yoongi taught you that. Even as the son of the General of the Solarian Army, even with a home as big as his, even with so many servants, he never used more than he had to.

Yoongi.

His name feels so foreign to you, after having addressed him as “sir” for so long. But you’re not his captain anymore. You’re not even Solarian, for Sooht’s sake. 

I’m sorry, you think. I’m sorry, Yoongi.

He must think you’re a traitor. That you lied to his face. That you fought so damn hard to be able to fight in the war because you needed an excuse to come back home to Darlae. He knew you were Darlaean, most likely as soon as you showed him that damn gemstone of yours. Yet he still let you fight, thinking you’d still be loyal to Solaria. You still are, of course, but he couldn’t know that. Now, he probably thinks you tricked him. If you ever did see him again, he’d probably kill you, wouldn’t he? You’re the exact thing he despises with all of his heart.

What if he thinks you swindled your way into his heart? What if he thinks you did it to lower his guard? What if he thinks everything you’ve confessed to him is a lie?

You can’t bear the thought.

And so you cry. It’s the ugly kind. The kind that has your shoulders shaking uncontrollably. The kind that’s loud. The kind that drowns your face in tears. And you don’t stop for a long, long time.

“She’s crying, sir.”

“I know, Seokjin,” Jungkook sighs. “I can hear her too.”

The man frowns. “Will you comfort her, sir? We’ll need her in the right mental state to extract the information we need. She must know a great deal about the Solarian Army. She even knows their magic! This could be big, sir. We must move quickly.”

Jungkook shakes his head. “She needs time to heal by herself. We’ll let her stabilize first. Then, we can ask questions.”

“But sir,” Seokjin says, frowning deepening, “you must be careful. If she really does think she’s Solarian, she may take the opportunity to assassinate you and get to the king.”

Jungkook doesn’t even move a muscle. “No, Lieutenant. That would never happen.”

“But sir, with all due respect, you don’t know her as you did before,” Seokjin says. “Three years is a long time. A lot can change.”

“That, I agree with,” Jungkook says. “But her kindness is innate, Seokjin. Such inborn traits don’t change so easily.”

“But you and I both saw her controlling fire out there, sir! She’s dangerous.”

“We think very differently, Lieutenant,” Jungkook sighs. “Don’t you think that her, a Darlaean, being able to control fire will work out to our advantage? If we beat those helluvians at their own game, victory will be ours.”

“I… I don’t know, sir,” Seokjin says. “With all due respect, what makes you think that she’ll be willing to help us?”

Jungkook ignores Seokjin’s question as he often does if it’s a stupid one and instead refutes it with an order. “Tell my personal healers to halt their current projects. From now until it’s finished, they’ll be expected to work past breaks to brew the memory potion. Don’t look at me like that. This is a crisis, Lieutenant. I want her to get those damn fucking helluvians out of her head.”

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⨰ a/n: the long-awaited chapter! i believe it confirmed many of your suspicions :) also what an intro for jungkook! he's my favorite character in this series :0

please consider telling me your thoughts with a comment, an ask or a reblog :) i love hearing readers' impressions/rambles/predictions! if you want to join the taglist, send in a private message, ask, reply to this post or reblog with your request!

[minnies-recs]

Wow pt. 2 has started! Jungkook is so different than Yoongi. And I like mc coming to terms with her previous identity. Can’t wait to see how this develops! ❤️

[chryblossomjjk]

practice | jjk (series masterlist)

⇢ PAIRING: fuckboy!jk x inexperienced reader

⇢ RATING/GENRE: m/18+ | college au, fwb, smut, fluff, angst

⇢ STATUS: completed

⇢ PART ONE — | 8.1k |

you usually spend friday nights on your own. tonight, however, your friend and campus fuckboy, jungkook, decides to pay you a visit.

⇢ PART TWO — | 8.1k |

everything is wet. you and jungkook tangled up on the shower floor. your eyes afterwards.

⇢ PART THREE — | 12.8k |

sparks fly as you try to forget about jungkook.

⇢ DISTRACTIONS — | 1.1k |

jungkook agreed to let you do his makeup, but he can't stop getting distracted.

© chryblossomjjk 2022 [do not copy, translate or repost] | gif in graphic is from @jung-koook

[threeletterslife]

24 | Legends of Darlaria

⨰ summary: You wake up amidst a war with no recollection of your past. Faced with suspicion and distrust, you struggle to assimilate into a foreign nation—otherwise known as your home. But on your enlightening journey to search for your identity, you come face to face with the General of the Army.

⨰ pairing/rating: yoongi x reader & jungkook x reader | PG-15

⨰ genre: 70% angst, 30% fluff | war!au & magic!au

⨰ warnings: profanity, implied mild depression

⨰ wordcount: 6.0k

⨰ join the taglist! (pm/send in an ask/reply/reblog)

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⧖⧗Circa Ruby⧗⧖

Within one circa of physical therapy, the General is able to walk around just as he normally had. He’s still unable to fully utilize his right shoulder, but the healers have been saying that he’ll make a good recovery. It’s good news for everybody.

You’ve been spending a considerable amount of time with him. Of course, the time you spend with the General is kept quite professional. Both of you treat the single conversation where you’d both admitted to everything as if it had never happened. But deep inside, his words lull you to sleep, echo inside your head when you wake up and follow you around when you complete your duties for the day.

But Officer, I don’t want you to think for a second that this will change how I feel for you.

You hope it might be the same for him—that he hears your earnest confessions in his head, even when you’re not with him. But on second thought, the empty yearning you’re forced to feel—emotions that can never be expressed in fear of blundering both your reputations and authority—you would never want another to go through them. Even if it means he no longer feels the same way that you do.

At first, you’d been in despair. It isn’t fair. He had no choice but to become the General of the Solarian Army. He was automatically handed the position after his younger brother had passed. But what if he never wanted to lead an army? What if he wasn’t born in the Min Clan? Then would he still hold the belief that love and war cannot coexist? And what about you? If your past self—whoever she was—had decided not to enlist in the army, would she have also thought differently? In another life, it could’ve been possible. And knowing that fact was heartbreaking. It made you want to lie down and take a nap so long that when you woke up, the war would be over. Or you’d be dead. Whichever came first. 

But when you think about it now, you feel fine. Sure, it hurts a little—nothing can ever come to fruition despite how you both feel. But it’s for the better. And besides, you have never stopped seeing him since then. Even back when the General was bedridden, he’d often called for you, whether to discuss battle plans or for you to read him some excerpts from borrowed books. And now that he’s able to walk around again, the two of you have begun the habit of going on brisk morning walks together, at the edge of the forest. Today is no different.

“How are you feeling today, sir?”

He nods a good morning to you and promptly answers your question. “Better than yesterday, Officer.”

“That’s been your answer for the past several days,” you smile. The two of you begin to walk to the edge of the camp, bordering the trees at the entrance of the Alderian forest.

“But it’s the truth,” he answers, hands lacing behind his back as usual. “I’ve been recovering well as you may have already gotten from the healers.” He pauses. “I hear you’ve been discussing with them quite a bit about my health.”

You whip your head around at the General, only to find him grinning just slightly. You can only scoff in reaction. “And you’ve been secretly asking my major if I’ve been overworking myself!”

“I didn’t want you to waste your time with me when you’re already fatigued,” he says. “Your health and duties are more important than keeping me company.”

You can feel your cheeks grow hot. “But of course! You don’t have to worry about me. I can handle quite a lot.”

He glances at you—you can see it out of the corner of your eyes. “Then don’t worry about me either. And for the same reason.”

You smile. “Yes, sir.”

He looks straight ahead, but you can see the faintest smile on his lips. 

There are often silent moments when the two of you walk together. But the silence is comfortable—peaceful, too. His presence keeps you warm on cold autumn mornings, even if you keep a considerable amount of distance between the two of you. Yet you don’t need proximity to feel close to the General.

Today, just like always, you slow your walking once you reach the central medical tent. You always hate when this time comes. Because it’s the time that your walk with the General comes to an end. It’s the time that he walks back to his own tent and you walk into the medical tent, ready to deal with the groans of pain and the stench of the dying. 

“Thank you, Officer,” he tells you—just like always—“for keeping me company.”

“Of course, sir,” you reply. 

Just like always.

His gaze on you lingers as does yours. And you love the way he looks at you, eyes softened, lips slightly parted, cheeks tinted a rosy hue. The latter might be due to the cold, but you like to imagine that it’s due to something else. Something that he’s feeling.

But before anyone can notice, and before you’re ever ready for him to leave, he always turns away. And just like always, you watch him go, longing for the next day to come so you could do this all over again.

⧖⧗Circa Peridot⧗⧖

There’s been a gaping hole in the army since one circa ago when the General had been attacked and injured. It’s extremely noticeable to Suhyun, who refused to step up to become the temporary General of the Solarian Army. It wouldn’t be right of her to swoop in to claim such a big title the moment the General became injured; she would look power-hungry and selfish, and that’s not the kind of leader Suhyun strives to be. And besides, she’s still far from prepared to take on such a big role.

Without Suhyun taking the General’s place, the officers have offered to equally share the General’s duties; yet, she had refused that, too. She’s his lieutenant. She should take the brunt of the work. And so she did. It puts some strain on her life, but she reminds herself constantly that this situation is infinitely better than the General being dead. At least now, she knows that this chaos is only temporary.

She has been working with a team of healers to investigate the properties of the fragment of the metal sphere that had threatened the General’s life. So far, they’ve figured out that if the fragment is locked away in an airtight container, it ceases to spew out lava every two minutes. They don’t know why, and they’re still unsure if these properties apply to the full sphere. It’s still an investigation in process.

So far, the officers who do go out to battle, everyone except you, have been ordered to attempt to bring back a fully intact metal sphere, but the efforts have been fruitless. Still, Suhyun hasn’t lost hope just yet. 

Sometimes, though, she feels as if the whole nation rests on her shoulders. She supposes this is how the General always feels—as temporary king, as the leader of the entire army, as the sole ruler of a nation at war. She now understands the gravity of having such a high position. Sometimes, it’s too much. Sometimes, she cries into Jaeno’s chest at night and wakes up with tear streaks dried to her cheeks. Sometimes, she even leans on you because, somehow, you’ve been handling the news of the General’s injury better than anyone in the campgrounds has. 

She realizes that she had been wrong about you. When adversity strikes, you do not crumble and fall as she had. Instead, you lead with stability and a sense of calm. You might initially panic—because who wouldn’t—but you recover quickly, think quickly, too. For Sooht’s sake, you’re the one who saved the General’s life! You need to be out there on the battlefield.

She must tell the General. But how? He’s always been so against you fighting. She suspects it’s something personal, but there’s nothing personal about a captain doing her duties! Your strength and mental resilience could bring who knows how many more victories? You write the battle plans, but if you were to act upon them too, the Solarians would be unstoppable!

“General? I’m sorry to ask to barge in so suddenly, but there’s something that I’d like to discuss with you,” she calls outside of the General’s tent, twisting the rings adorned on her fingers.

She hears a bit of silence, a bit of rustling and then a calm answer: “Come in, Lieutenant Ki.” When she obediently steps in, she notices that you’re setting wet cloths and empty dishes back on a tray. A surprised “O-Oh!” slips from her lips.

“Suhyun!” you exclaim, lifting the tray and inching towards the exit of the tent. “Sorry about being in your way; I’ll be out in a second.” After you give her a knowing smile, you turn to the General, and Suhyun can’t miss the way that his cheeks are flushed more than usual. “I’ll see you later, sir!” 

She watches in awe as he smiles. She can’t remember the last time he’s done that in front of her. Even when you wave goodbye to Suhyun and disappear behind the curtains of the tent, the General’s gaze lingers on the fluttering pieces of fabric, almost as if he was wishing for you to come back. She’s seen that same look on her boyfriend several times before. There’s really no doubt about it that there really are personal matters between you and the General. And maybe it’s not her business to care, but when these matters begin to affect the General’s judgment… then maybe that’s when she gets a say.

The General clears his throat, slightly shifting from his position on his cot. “What was it that you’d like to discuss with me today, Lieutenant Ki?”

“About Captain Ryu, actually,” she says, walking closer to the General. He visibly tenses up but lets her continue. “Sir, I want you to reconsider her duties. As a captain of the second sector, she is qualified to fight in battles.”

He raises his eyebrows. “Why the sudden change of mind?”

“I used to believe that she is unfit for the violence and cruelty on the battlefield. I believed that she would not stand a chance against the blood and the dying. But,” she says, taking care to choose the correct words, “I have seen her react to disaster better than I ever could. When you were barely conscious, sir, when you were practically lying on your deathbed, she was the one who stepped up and gave orders to save your life. She did not crumble as I feared she might under unfavorable circumstances. She, in fact, shined brighter. She knows how to lead in chaos, sir. I believe this gives her every right to be allowed to fight.”

The General’s face is contorted. “Well… She… I…” He takes a deep breath, seemingly gathering his thoughts. “Your example, Lieutenant Ki, would make her an excellent healer, but I fail to see how this will make her a good fighter on the battlefield. She may be able to delegate tasks exceedingly well in the medical tents, but the battlefield is certainly a different story.”

“With all due respect, General, is it?” Suhyun says. “We all began somewhere. I would argue that we were even less prepared than Captain Ryu is now when we were thrown into our first battles. Her experiences in the medical tents, as an officer, as a captain and a battle coordinator are more than enough to sustain her success out there. She can be an even more valuable asset to your army; I believe the battlefield will unlock the potential within her that we never even knew was there.”

“No.”

“No, sir?”

“I’ve said it time and time again, I will not allow her to fight.”

“General, with all due respect, that doesn’t make any sense,” Suhyun says. She knows she’s pushing things, but how can she not? She wants to fight for you—because she knows how much you want to be out there, fighting for your nation. Suhyun also wants to fight for Solaria, which will only benefit from your involvement. “She is a captain—not just an officer anymore—and with her new title and position should follow the correct responsibilities. There will always be soldiers out there who will undermine her achievements and her authority if she has less battlefield experience than they do.”

“I gave her an order and I expect you to respect it, Lieutenant Ki.”

She can feel herself wilt, but she can’t back down now—not without finishing things her way! You’re counting on her; she promised you days ago that she’d change the General’s mind. And it took Suhyun three days to gain enough courage to confront him. She’s not letting all that preparation go to waste.

“I trust you, General,” she says, slowly, carefully. “I really do, but I just can’t come to understand this decision. Please, if you could explain why she cannot fight, then I’d be delighted to obey.”

She can see him hesitate. “She just… she can’t. She’s not good enough.”

“I have overseen some of her training and have only heard of great things from Major Im,” Suhyun refutes. “She’s well over the minimum qualification level to be on the battlefield.”

“We can’t let her die.”

“But we can let the others?” 

“Well then, she is our sole battle planner.”

“We can find her a suitable apprentice.”

“But she’s already balancing multiple jobs.”

“Nothing that we can’t fix with a little bit of adjustment.”

“For fuck’s sake!” the General shouts. “I said ‘no!’ Do you not fucking understand what that means?”

Suhyun takes a step back. 

She’s rarely heard him raise his voice at others before, and he’s especially never done it to her—until now, of course. And though her hands suddenly feel clammy and her throat feels dry, she doesn’t feel shame. Instead, all she feels is something searing hot boiling inside of her, threatening to spill out into words. In the end, it does: 

“You’re being irrational!”

The General’s eyes widen. He makes no other indication of how her words might’ve affected him, but she knows that he’s shocked. She also knows she shouldn’t continue—even raising her voice at the General of the Solarian Army could be classified as insubordination. And sure, she’s being a hypocrite, too. Yelling irrationally at the General won’t solve anything except make things worse, but the past two circas have been hell for her. Can’t he understand? 

“I worked my fucking ass off ever since your injury!” she shouts, pointing an accusatory finger at him. “Do you know how stressed I am all the time? I haven’t gotten sleep in three days, running around the entire campground trying to listen to every issue and complaint, working my job but also yours, too. I don’t think I’ve sat down for a proper meal since Circa Alexandrite, for Sooht’s sake! I have battles to fight in, cooking duties to tend to, and even officer meetings to facilitate! 

“Just yesterday, for the first time in my entire life, I wished to go back to Ara. I just… I needed to quit everything and leave. But I stayed. I took on all of your responsibilities without so much of a complaint in front of you because I know you have it worse. I know you feel like a burden. I know how much pain you’ve been in. I’ve tried to understand, General. I really have. But this is too much. Let her fight! You know she’s overqualified. You know she’ll do well. You know how much she wants to do it! If she fucks something up, I’ll take the entire blame. So for Sooht’s fucking sake, let her go out there! Please, just please don’t give me another problem to be worrying about.”

She’s crying and she knows it; her vision is blurry and she can barely make out the General’s countenance, but she knows from the ringing silence that it can’t be good at all. If this is what gets her demoted, then so be it. She’s done competing for power; she’s done kissing ass and biting her tongue for a promotion. She’ll happily call out the General’s bullshit. It’s her job to do so, anyway—as his right-hand officer.

“I’ve always respected you,” she says, heaving for breath, her voice trembling. She wipes her tears with the back of her hand. “You’ve always listened to your soldiers, your officers, the people… You’ve always wanted to rule differently from your clan. But tell me, how are you any different from your brother now? How are you any different from your own mother?”

Maybe she went too far. Maybe she was being too mean. Maybe she should’ve persuaded him gently. But she’s human too! She has emotions. She gets angry and annoyed and irritated too. There’s a limit to how much utter bullshit she can take, and she doesn’t fucking care if it’ll backfire in her face anymore. Everything she does is for Solaria, and if her superior is guided by his personal feelings, then maybe she doesn’t want to work for him anymore. Maybe she’ll take matters into her own hands.

She stares daggers into the man in front of her, yet he still refuses to look up. Refuses to speak. 

It’s strange.

When she has outbursts such as these, she usually finishes them feeling much better. But why does she feel worse? The tears also won’t stop. She doesn’t know why. She should be angry at him! She should hate him for being so blinded by his feelings! Yet… something twists inside her stomach when she thinks of how deeply her words might have cut him. He’s already injured—did she really have to rub salt in his wounds? Did she really make a grave mistake? Oh, for Sooht’s sake, she can’t bear to be in the same vicinity as him anymore. And so, for the first time in her life, she leaves without his dismissal, stumbling out of the tent in desperation to get away.

Yoongi’s left in complete silence—an eerie standstill. He stares into his hands, feeling oddly numb.

How are you any different from your brother now? How are you any different from your own mother?

Well, in truth, he feels ashamed. Lieutenant Ki is right. What he did just now—what he’s been doing regarding your involvement in the army has been akin to what his mother and brother have done: selfish and intolerant ruling. He knows that if Doyun were here, she might have even slapped him for being so stupid. But he can’t help it. He barely got out of the battlefield unscathed, which means it’s an even more dangerous place for you, a newcomer. It’s illogical; he knows. It’s an abuse of his power, a misuse of his authority. But he’s lost everybody he’s cared for in his life to this damn war. Can’t he bend the rules just this once? It might not be the most rational thing to do, but since when have feelings been rational?

⧖⧗Circa Saphh⧗⧖

You’ve been visiting him less these days. Ever since he lost his temper at Lieutenant Ki last circa, his tent has been fairly bare, save for the healers who visit occasionally to check up on his healing process. You’ve suddenly become unavailable for your morning walks together. He doesn’t know if it’s because Lieutenant Ki told you about the argument or if you’re really that much busier now. Or maybe… Maybe you don’t want to see him anymore. Maybe you believe that if you cease to see him, you’ll cease to care for him. It’s the worst theory of the bunch—the one that hurts him the most. Because he can’t imagine ceasing to care for you. 

Now that he sees you less, he thinks of you more. It drives him insane.

When he goes on his assisted strolls with healers, he sometimes catches sight of you, running errands, training, walking with your sector’s soldiers. Those moments are always special to him because even seeing your face is enough to make him feel a little bit better. But he wonders if you ever notice him. He might be imagining it—he really hopes he is—but he thinks you might be avoiding him. In fact, everyone has. Soldiers do not even bow in his presence anymore, which is fine since that’s what he’s always wanted… Still, the sudden switch is unsettling.

He hasn’t talked to Lieutenant Ki since their argument, which means he hasn’t been getting updates on the officer meetings and the logistics of what’s been going on in his army. But he also can’t bring himself to seek after her and scold her for keeping him in the dark. There’s a large part of him that feels guilty for that day. He had been the one who had raised his voice at Lieutenant Ki first; he had been the one who had been purposefully ignorant and stubborn and irrational and stupid. He had also been the one who had been so oblivious to her internal stress and struggles. So in the end, he can’t necessarily blame her for keeping her distance. And seeing that there haven’t been any more disasters, Lieutenant Ki’s been running things smoothly around here, so he doesn’t really feel the need to interfere, either.

But he misses the presence of his officers. He misses having visitors other than healers in his tent. He misses those morning walks with you, your conversations (no matter how short), your voice, your smile, your company. Should he apologize to you?

But why? For barring you from completing your true duty as a second sector captain? For indirectly confessing his feelings to you when he’s your superior? For being born as the heir to the Solarian Army? For not reaching out to you first?

How pathetic would it seem if he tried to get ahold of you through one of the healers? But he can’t bear seeing you now—not when you’ve been actively avoiding him. Not when he’s surely done something wrong.

Mornings and nights alone in his tent are beginning to get quite lonely. He learns how to deal with the pain, his aching body, but it’s not so easy to learn to be alone with his own thoughts. He often feels powerless, stranded on his cot, with no one but himself and the figments of his past, haunting him. It feels like circas since he’s last dealt with his duties as the General. His brisk morning walks around the edge of the campgrounds morph into a mourning session within the burial grounds. He visits his brother, his sister, his mother, father, grandparents and his ancestors… He even visits Doyun, but those visits rarely do anything except make him feel worse. The hours of the day begin to blend together—to the point where he can no longer differentiate between morning and night.

He’s helpless—physically unwell and mentally fatigued. Yet, he doesn’t know what to do about it. At this point in time, he wonders if he’s old news. If the rest of the army has accepted the fact that Lieutenant Ki is now their new General. If he’s been disposed of.

He should be angry. Angry that he’s lost his position, his respect. Angry that he’s fumbled what the Min Clan has built and prided themselves in for centuries. Angry that he’s useless. That he slipped from his high seating, unable to claw his way back up. Angry that you haven’t been talking to him. Angry that Lieutenant Ki no longer looks up to him.

But he isn’t angry. Is it sadness? Despair?

No.

He simply feels numb. 

He’d rather feel something. Anything.

The weather has been getting colder these days, but even the cold doesn’t seem to bother him. But then again, the healers have also spoiled him with a few extra blankets and a couple of more oil lamps, which he believes he doesn’t deserve.

Even the good news that his shoulder’s been doing better doesn’t change anything.

But that’s when he hears your voice. “Sir?”

He nearly jumps up from his cot, which could have single-handedly reversed the hard work of the healers, but he manages to remain calm as he slowly rises. His balance wavers as he creeps closer to the entrance of his tent. Is that really you? He isn’t hearing things, is he? Has he regressed in health? Has he missed your voice so much that he’s beginning to hear things that aren’t there?

“Sir?” you call again. “May I come in?”

No, that’s definitely you.

He doesn’t know why after all these weeks you want to see him now. Still, he can’t help the hasty, “Of course,” that spills habitually from his lips.

You immediately part the curtains, walk into his tent and meet him face to face. You’re startled, probably not expecting him to have already gotten up from his cot. “O-Oh!” you say. “You’re standing.” Then, you look at your feet as if you’ve already humiliated yourself in front of him.

“I am,” Yoongi admits. He pauses. “It’s been a while.”

“I’m sorry.” You really do look apologetic.

“It’s fine,” he says. “I imagine you’ve been busy.”

“I have,” you reply, still refusing to meet his eyes.

“Have you been well?”

You shift your feet. “Yes.”

“Good,” he says. “Good.”

Unbearable silence.

Why is the atmosphere tense? Where is the comfort, the warmth that he usually finds when he’s with you? Why are you being so curt? Why do you refuse to look at him? Is he that repulsive to you? Do you no longer feel the same? Are you angry at him?

“I’m sorry,” you whisper. “I’m so sorry.”

Yoongi frowns. “There’s no need to apologize for being busy.”

“I-It’s… It’s not that,” you say. You mumble something so quietly that he doesn’t quite catch it.

“Sorry?” he says.

“I’m here to come to an agreement,” you say quietly. 

“An agreement?” he asks, frown deepening. “Whatever for?”

“For my duties as a captain,” you say, head still lowered.

“Oh.” Has it really been about this all along? You’ve been avoiding him because of his decision to bar you from the battlefields? “Unfortunately, I have already made my decision,” he says, voice soft. “I’m sorry, but I’m not open to any negotiations.”

“I’m… I’m afraid you don’t have much of a choice,” you say, and for the first time since you’ve entered his tent, you look up. Your eyes are surprisingly void of emotion, despite your quivering voice, and you look stern, eyes unblinking and mouth set in a stern line. “Your army has agreed on serving Lieutenant Ki—and only Lieutenant Ki—until you allow me to fulfill my duties as the second sector captain.”

He blinks. Then he blinks again. Impossible. It sounds rehearsed. As if those words would never come out of your mouth without another’s influence. But Lieutenant Ki would never stoop this low… would she? And even if she did, to have you be the one to break this news to him? 

“Am I being threatened with usurpation?” he asks. It surprises him how calm he is at the moment, how well he’s taking the news. 

His composed behavior even seems to surprise you as you struggle to find your next words. “It won’t be a threat if you only allow me to do what my title entails,” you say, eyes pleading. 

“Did Lieutenant Ki put you up to this?”

“That doesn’t matter,” you say. “I want this. I’m the one who wants to risk my life for this nation. Please. Don’t try to stop me.”

He shakes his head in disbelief. “Did you think I wouldn’t notice? I’ve already been cut off from the army. No one except healers has visited my tent until now.”

“I don’t want you to be humiliated,” you whisper. “That was never my intent. But…”

“But you would risk my humiliation and authority to fight for Solaria.” 

“That’s not what I mean,” you say, frowning. “We aren’t doing this because we don’t respect you. We just… This was the most effective solution we, I mean, I could think of.”

He hums. “Even if I don’t accept the agreement, things will still go your way.”

“It’s true. Lieutenant Ki would see to it that I would be allowed to fight.”

“Then this isn’t really a fair solution, isn’t it?”

“Well… Yes. Since it was created with only one outcome in mind,” you say, though you look sorry about it.

“I suppose I don’t have much of a choice.”

“Unfortunately not.”

“How much of this was your idea?”

You seem visibly thrown off by his question—and rightfully so. But he’s curious. Threatening usurpation is traditionally punishable by death. Of course, Yoongi had always been willing to break that tradition. Yet… who had thought so little of him that they believed this threat would back him into a corner and force him to make an agreement? 

“All of it,” you say. But you’re lying. Years and years of experience in the interrogation room have taught him how to differentiate between truth and fabrication. “I didn’t ever mean for things to get so big,” you admit. “I’m sorry.”

So you’re protecting the person (or persons) who gave you the idea. He has his suspects, of course, but he doesn’t think he’ll be able to fish that information out of you today. He sighs, shaking his head. He just wants this to be over. But for Sooht’s sake, she should’ve known—the person who orchestrated this entire ordeal—she should’ve known better. Lieutenant Ki should’ve predicted that threatening his position would do more than force him into a corner with his tail tucked between his legs. In a covert sense, it would single-handedly undermine his authority. Doesn’t she know that for years he had been insecure about the power he had at the tips of his fingers? Did she really have to come for something that he was already so unsure about? And to use you as her messenger!

But despite his thoughts, a simple, “I hope you don’t regret it, Officer,” leaves his mouth.

That single sentence brightens your entire face. “I won’t, sir,” you say. “I promise I won’t regret it at all.”

Though he loves seeing you smile, he can only seem to sigh today. “You are authorized for one low-stake battle. Your performance will be assessed, and only after I approve will you be able to fight regularly. Understood?”

“Oh, yes, sir!” you say. “Completely understood.”

He can’t answer, too consumed by his own thoughts. Is it the feeling of betrayal that seems to be weighing heavy in his mind? Or is it worry? He knows it’s selfish of him to extend his power to protect you, but after all the deaths he’s encountered throughout his lifetime, is it so wrong to hang on to just one person? 

“I told you it would work!” Suhyun exclaims, smiling widely as she moves in to embrace you. “I just didn’t think it’d barely take ten minutes. He agreed much quicker than I’d anticipated. But nevertheless, congratulations, Y/N! You deserve to fight for Solaria.”

“Thanks, Suhyun,” you say, but you still feel uneasy from the entire conversation. “I just don’t know if we should’ve threatened usurpation…”

“It’s not like we really did it,” she says, patting your back. “I only gave the soldiers a stern talk about not bowing to the General anymore—at least until he’s able to fight again. They did wonder why,” she adds after noticing the doubtful look on your face. “But I only told them that he wanted to step away from his work for a little bit during his recovery, and his soldiers bowing would remind him of the work he wasn’t doing. They seemed to believe me. Besides, this was really the only idea I had that would realistically work. And it did!”

You nod. “I’m glad it worked, but…”

“But you worry that he won’t be happy with you.”

You look up at her shocked at how easily she read your mind. “Y-Yes. That’s exactly it. If he thinks we backed him into a corner, then of course he won’t be very pleased with us. I don’t want him to think we were trying to subvert his authority. Suhyun, I’m pretty sure what we just did—even if it wasn’t real—is technically a punishable crime.”

“Traditionally, yes,” Suhyun says. “But the General tries to step away from the more extreme practices of his clan. I think it worked out fine. Sure, there are some things that could have gone better, but don’t you think the benefits outweigh the costs?” Even you have to admit that she looks a little disappointed with you. It’s almost as if she’s wordlessly saying, ‘If you have so many issues with my idea, then why did you agree to go through with it anyway?’ But maybe she’s right. Maybe you came off too strong. Maybe you’re being ungrateful. It’s thanks to Suhyun and her encouragement that you’re now able to fight for Solaria once more—after years of being unable to. Yet…

“What if he hates me now?”

Suhyun raises her eyebrows. “If anything, Y/N, the General will begin to resent me.”

“You?” you ask, eyes widening. “But I told him that it was my idea.”

Suhyun just smiles. “Y/N, he’s not stupid. He can see through lies most of the time. I’ve known him for a long time; just as he’s known me for the same amount. He’ll know I’m the only one who could suggest just a preposterous idea… and have it actually work.”

“But Suhyun, I’m not sure if that’s the best case, either! You’re his lieutenant, aren’t you? Shouldn’t you be his supporting officer?”

“I took a calculated risk,” she says with a shrug. “I agree with you, of course. It wasn’t right of me to threaten to take his position, but how else would he understand the gravity of the situation? I’m sure he’ll be wary of me now, but I did what I did for you. And for the good of the army.”

“Do you really think I’ll be of help on the battlefield?” you ask. “I… I don’t know if I’m worth all these calculations and plans and risks.”

“Even if you aren’t, which you are,” Suhyun says, “I think it’s best to enforce the duties of those in the army. Resentment grows when things are unfair, and I’d rather have an unhappy General than unhappy soldiers. And it’s not that I don’t want the General to be happy… I care about him too, Y/N. It’s just that I would never want to hear the things the soldiers have said about his brother to him. The General was being stubborn and irrational, and he said himself that he would never want to rule like his family. All I did was suggest that we slap some sense into him. For his own good.”

“It sounds like you’ve given this a lot of thought,” you say. “And you’re right. I agree with everything that you’ve said. I just—I worry.”

“I know,” Suhyun says. “The General does too.” She shakes her head, sighing out loud. “I respect him. I really do. It’s not his fault he was injured, and I can’t blame him for being stubborn, either. I know he struggles with his own authority, and sometimes it just ends up manifesting in unexplained, uncompromising orders. But I also know how betrayed he might feel. I did try talking to him; that was a bust. I didn’t know what else to turn to but this.” She sighs again, glancing over at you while twisting the rings on her fingers. “Let’s hope I didn’t miscalculate.”

You hope so too.

In the end, you got what you wanted. You’ll soon begin your rigorous training and finally, fight the first battle of your memory. But why? Why do you feel so shitty about it? 

⨰ previous | series m.list | next

⨰ a/n: gasp! the second to last chapter before the second act??? it's unbelievable how far we've come with this story :) i'll save my official thoughts for ch. 25, but just know that i am so grateful to you for coming this far and reading about my characters' stories!

please consider telling me your thoughts with a comment, an ask or a reblog :) i love hearing readers' impressions/rambles/predictions! if you want to join the taglist, send in a private message, ask, reply to this post or reblog with your request!

[minnies-recs]

Poor yoongi 🥺

This makes me feel nervous about Suhyun. I feel like her going into battle will either lead to capture (which will trigger the next act with JK/Darlaria) or trigger her memories (and the next act will be flashbacks with JK/Darlaria). either way, can’t wait to see how this act concludes! ❤️

[taestefully-in-luv]

Our Time | JJK (Four)

Summary: After an accident and being in a coma for three months, you finally wake. But the last nine years of your life have been completely erased. You rely on none other than your best friend, Jungkook, to help regain your memories and yourself. But what happens when the truth of your missing time starts unraveling and it isn’t all it’s made out to be?

Pairing: Jungkook x Fem Reader (Detective!Jk x Graphic Designer!OC) side pairing: Seokjin x Reader

Genre: crime au, fluff, heavy angst, smut, romance, darker themes, amnesia au. Best friends to ???

Word Count: 13k

Warnings: swearing, frustrations of amnesia, mentions of alcohol, slight panic attack, confession, secrecy, lots of bonding, mentions of sex, sexual tension, yearning, erection, dirty talk (details of sexual scenarios) over the pants action, mentions of oral (fem and male rec.)

a/n: another important chapter 🤭 please let me know what you think! Send an ask if you want to be added to the taglist or just want to chat :]

© taestefully-in-luv

Previous --- Next

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You finally lower the frame after staring at it with heart eyes for way too long. There are more than a million thoughts running through your mind but it seems your ability to truly think is somewhat halted because of the giddiness that trots around in your belly. Yes, you’re confused. Yes, you’re shocked. Yes, you’re in almost complete disbelief. But if this is true?

Then yes, you are also over the fucking moon.

You continue to look at the framed photo, eyes scanning every little detail. You take a moment to wipe your sleeve against the glass, built up dust making it harder to see clearly. You, in a long, beautiful wedding gown, fingers wrapped around Jungkook’s bicep and a look of bliss on your face. Jungkook’s suit is hugging his muscles, the tie neatly wrapped around his neck as one of his hands rest over yours. His smile is huge and his cheeks are rosy. You know when he looks genuinely happy and this is it. 

You try to suppress a growing grin, heart still racing and beating loudly in your ears. But suddenly, a headache starts forming and you roll your eyes. Maybe it’s ‘logic’ trying to push against your forehead, causing an ache to bring you back to reality.

You are happy that apparently you and Jungkook are married. But you also don’t know for sure yet. It might seem obvious but hey, you never know. This would explain the secrecy and his lonely apartment. He doesn’t actually live there, right? Maybe he just got that place quickly so he could keep up the façade of you two only being friends. 

But why keep this a secret in the first place? 

It is huge news so maybe that’s why. 

Regardless, you need to confront Jungkook. You need to tell him you know about this and if it’s actually true. And hopefully he will be just as pleased as you. He doesn’t have to pretend anymore. 

You decide to stick the frame under your arm as you close the box again. You glance around the attic one last time. Boxes everywhere, lots of dust and lots of evidence of a life you don’t know. But at least you know something and you’re going to stick to your word—nothing more than the recipe book…even though, you found something else entirely. 

Climbing down the attic steps, you can hear Jungkook’s snores from the living room. You finally get the attic closed but when the door shuts, your entire body goes still at the loud ‘bang’ when it slams shut. You’re quick to snap your head in the direction of Jungkook but when you don’t hear his snores anymore, you feel your insides twist and turn. 

Frozen, you keep your body turned in the direction of the living room and it seems Jungkook’s snores don’t continue. And then you hear the sound of feet on the wooden floors.

“y/n?” Jungkook’s voice is distant and groggy. 

You take a deep breath, eyes going to the ladder and the frame under your arm before you hold it in your hands and bring it to your chest, picture facing you. You know he’s going to appear in the hallway any second as he looks for you and you know you have to face him regardless.

“In the hall.” You finally call out. 

Not even five seconds pass before Jungkook’s sleepy figure appears before you. His hair sticks up in all directions, fist rubbing at his eye as he tries to adjust to the light in the hallway. It takes him a moment to register what he’s seeing. You, beneath the attic with a ladder next to you and something in your hands. 

“What—” He glances around much more quickly now, feet suddenly moving as he comes closer to you. “What are you doing?” He finally looks awake. Alert. Panicked. “Hey, what are you—are you trying to get into the…” He shakes his head, brows furrowing. “What are you doing, y/n?”

“Well—”

“—Did you go into the fucking attic?” He cuts you off, eyes on the ceiling as panic and concern paints his face. 

“I needed to find something.” You tell him calmly. “So I—”

“—What the fu…” He swallows hard, eyes not finding yours. “I told you not to…” Jungkook’s fingers go to his temples, eyes shutting as he tries to gather his thoughts. “You realize how fucking—”

“—I didn’t snoop into anything, really.” You rush to say though you speak slowly. Your own concern etching itself onto your features. “I was only looking for a recipe book.”

Jungkook finally looks at you and you feel small. “A fucking recipe book? That’s worth going into the attic for? I told you that there are too many things in there that would overwhelm you!” His chest moves up and down quickly, lips set in a firm line as he stares at you incredulously. “This—”

“—I only found this.” You keep your voice calm. You flip the frame to face him and you watch as his entire expression falls, every hard line on his face smooths out the moment he sees what you’re holding. And then suddenly his face begins paling.

“You—You…” He blinks at the photo, mouth fallen open. 

“Is this…” You speak quietly, suddenly insecure about the entire situation but you still move closer to him, eyes looking up into his and he immediately softens because of your delicate yet unsure expression. “Are we?” 

Jungkook’s teeth dig into his bottom lip as he gazes down at you, his eyes growing watery.

“Did we really get married?” You push the frame closer to him, your expression shifting from unsure to pleading. “Did you fall in love with me? Is this real?”

Jungkook’s expression completely crumbles at your questions, “Yes…” His voice cracks, pausing to clear his throat. “We got married…” Then he grows sad, “How wouldn’t this be real?” He asks, weak smile tugging at his lips as he takes the frame from you and he looks down at it.

“I don’t know…” Your heart starts thumping harder, you use every muscle in your face to keep you from smiling. “Maybe since I’m kind of crazy about you…that I photoshopped it or something.” 

Jungkook snorts and you feel your body relax. “Photoshop?” He laughs but his eyes are still watery. “No, no.” He brings the frame to his body like he’s hugging it. “This is very real.”

You can feel the tiny hairs all over your body rise in disbelief. You know how shocking and unreal this all is. But there’s something inside you that feels relieved, pleased and comforted. Because you have felt it in your bones that the connection between you and Jungkook was somehow different and you craved him more than your mind or body could explain.

“I’m married to you?” You stare at the frame in his hands, eyes huge with wonder. “You…this feels crazy.” You say, quietly trying to sort your thoughts. “How do we…” You finally tear your eyes from the frame and look at him. “How do we act now?”

Jungkook’s silence feels like hands wrapped around your throat. 

His body stands tall yet stiff. Fingers gripping the frame like he’s afraid it’ll drop and glass will shatter. Jungkook breaths are bated and you feel your own throat constricting when his silence continues.

“Jungkook?” You murmur his name, voice straying from confidence as insecurity leaks through the one word. 

He flinches. 

After another moment, Jungkook tries to clear his throat and speak but it seems any words he wants to say die somewhere in his chest, along with his heart. “Um,” He still doesn’t lift his eyes to you, avoiding your gaze as he continues to stare down at the frame.

“Jung—“

“—Did you see anything else in the attic?” He asks, voice slightly shaky as he doesn’t rip his eyes from the frame still. “Or was this it?”

“This was it.” You tell him honestly, his gaze finally meeting yours. Perhaps he wanted to catch your own telltale tic when you lie. But you aren’t lying.

“How are you feeling?” He asks, tone much softer. “How is your head? This doesn’t feel real for you, right? This probably might seem crazy.”

“Yes and no.” Your lips manage to form a hesitant smile. “It is crazy because wow, I’m married. But also, it isn’t crazy because even 24 year old me can’t imagine my life ending up this way with anyone else but you.”

Jungkook stares at you with big, doe eyes. A crease forming between his eyebrows as his lips twist, teeth suddenly digging into the flesh when he tries to control his obvious emotions. 

You thought he might be pleased you know but you don’t expect to see his eyes grow teary when they well with uncertainty and longing. 

He had to pretend this relationship didn’t exist between you both. It must have been incredibly hard for him.

“How are you feeling?” You try to step closer to him, but your body is still going through shock despite your mind feeling more at ease. 

Jungkook lightly scoffs at your question, lips twitching when he can’t answer with words. He’s growing more and more unknown to you. This is brand new territory. Jungkook knows you even more than you recall. He knows you differently than you know him. You’ve never experienced a romantic dynamic with him—well, you have, you just don’t remember. 

You eye him carefully, his muscles looking unbearably tense. You walk forward more, hand reaching towards him as you try to gently pry the frame from his hands. “You know you have the real thing in front of you, right?” You innocently tease, smirk on your lips but it gets immediately wiped clean from your face when Jungkook’s shoulders shake a little and he chokes on whatever words have risen to his throat. 

“I…do…” He finally looks at you, the uncertainty and longing now clearly evident on his features. “I miss you.” He whispers.

He doesn’t just miss you, his best friend. No, he misses you, his wife.

“I can imagine this has been hard for you.” Your fingers wrap around his. You’re met with his cold and clammy skin. “Pretending we’re just friends.”

Jungkook takes a deep breath, his watery eyes blinking back his emotions. “You have no idea.” He tells you, “How fucking hard this is. How hard everything has been.” His voice cracks and he pauses to take a moment to collect himself. 

“Well…” You dart around anxiously, cheeks growing warm. “You don’t have to pretend anymore.” You intertwine your fingers now, feeling brave but still so nervous.

Jungkook finally cracks a small smile, “I might not have to pretend there isn’t something between us but it doesn’t mean I can just act like how we used to. This is brand new for you.”

You shake your head quickly, a cute expression that makes Jungkook melt on your face. “I don’t mind, really.”

He laughs, his own head shaking. “It’s not a switch that can get flipped.”

“Fine.” You groan playfully, the atmosphere finally lightening and it seems the invisible fingers around your throat finally let you go. “But I can definitely ask questions now, right? And you’ll give me answers.”

Jungkook’s smile drops a little but he nods, although a bit hesitant.

“I can’t wait, Ribbit.”

~~~

You stare at Jungkook, teasing smile lifting your lips as you watch him awkwardly watch you. “You know, kind of strange that you choose now to not sit too close to me.”

He chuckles, fingers fiddling with one another. “I’ll admit it’s actually a little more nerve wracking.”

“Now that I know we’re…romantically,” You wiggle your brows, “Involved?” 

Jungkook’s cheek burn as he stares you, eyes filled with the same uncertainty and longing you’re beginning to truly pick up on. “Isn’t this weird for you?”

“What’s weird is how far you’re sitting from me, Jungkook.” You point out, “Or should I call you something more cute?” 

“Cute?”

“Mhm. What do I usually call you? Babe? Honey? Sweetheart? Baby?” You’re obviously teasing him. You always imagined he would get this flustered. He is. Even though you both have been married for seven years, it seems he still flushes under your gaze and your words. You love that.

“Just call me Jungkook.” He swallows down his own name, shy smile. “Don’t jump into anything you don’t really understand.”

He says this softly but you know he’s warning you—as gently as possible.

“You’re no fun.” You pout, loving this new dynamic. Well, you aren’t really sure it’s a new dynamic but it’s definitely a new way to tease him. Your best friend who ran home crying when he was a kid. Your best friend who got walked on from previous dates. Your best friend who grew up so incredibly well. 

“I beg to differ.” He smiles at you, “I think you’d describe me as really fun actually.”

“Maybe.” You lean back onto the sofa, “I think I’d think you’re more fun if you sat close to me.”

“And how exactly would that be fun?” He raises a curious brow.

Your eyes shine in amusement before you smirk, “I think you know.” You say slowly making Jungkook roll his eyes, uncontrollable smile on his face. 

“You’re really something.”

“But you like it, right?”

Jungkook meets your eye, serious expressing beginning to shadow his previous mirth. “You have no idea.” He tells you. “I’ll sit closer but let’s have some boundaries, don’t you think?”

You soften, smiling at Jungkook before you answer. “Okay.”

“Alright, I know you’re dying to know how this all began, right? What’s your first question, hm?”

“Hm,” You heart starts dancing in your chest when Jungkook finally scoots closer to you, his warmth suddenly caging you as if his arms were tight around your body. Well, you wish that was the case. “Okay, did something happen at Sana’s wedding? I kind of suspected we might have hooked up? Is that when I confessed?”

Jungkook suddenly looks incredibly amused, some shyness getting replaced with something more lively, “What makes you think you’re the one who confessed first?” He asks you, making your mouth fall open.

“There’s no way it wasn’t me.” You look surprised, “You did first?!”

He starts laughing, you swear you can feel the rumble in his chest just by the sound alone. “No it was definitely you.” 

Your face breaks into a grin, “I fucking knew it.”

“I wasn’t as brave as you.” He grows more tender, eyes filled with so much adoration as he stares at you.

“So…did I confess on Sana’s wedding night?”

“Nope.” He tells you, “Nothing happened that night.”

“What?” You purse your lips, “I was so sure.”

“Well…” He blushes, “Not exactly anyway.”

“What do you mean?”

“It was sort of the night everything changed between us though. Without anything actually changing?”

“I still don’t get it.”

Jungkook bites onto his lower lip, trying to remember how you both described it many years ago. “Everyone was making fun of as usual.” He starts, “And it’s like we both become extremely aware of each other. Openly?”

“Openly?”

“I already knew for a long time how I felt about you but I never made it obvious. There was no change in our dynamic. You had feelings for me too.” Then he smirks, “Just like you do right now, right?”

You conceal a knowing smile, eyes averting his gaze for a moment as you nod your head.

“Anyway, that night it’s like neither of us really hid the fact that we were looking at one another differently. We danced together and it became hard to ignore that something was forming between us without either of us ever saying it.”

“Wow.” You listen intently, “Then what happened?”

“After the wedding, we couldn’t go back to the feeling between us. The platonic feeling. It’s like things suddenly changed,” He pauses, cheeks dusting over more harshly. “It got awkward talking about dates, it got weird when I suddenly got jealous of every other man.” He starts chuckling, shaking his head at the past. “It’s like we couldn’t even hug without feeling so fucking…” 

You smile, hand landing right above his knee. “Then what?”

“One time when we were out, I—out of instinct—had a hand on your lower back, feeling protective I guess.” He shrugs, shy smile. “And you joked with me about how I’m going to scare away any future boyfriend and I still remember the stab I felt to my heart.” He laughs to himself, eyes on your hand. “After the wedding, everything was so different with us. Compliments felt different, touching felt different and I remember one night when I was feeling down you gave me some encouraging pep talk and I kept thinking about how I’ll never know anyone like you again.”

“I’ve always felt that about you.” You admit to him, fingers lightly brushing against his sweatpants. “Even when we first became friends.”

He beams at you, “I know.”

“Oh do you?”

“I know everything in your mind, y/n.” He focuses on your face with a smile. “In fact when you were 25 you were wondering if I was ever going to make a real move on you. Both of us fully aware of the unspoken new dynamic.” He admits with a chuckle, “You told me later that you knew you couldn’t have been imagining the romance between us. Always so intuitive.”

“Love that for me.”

“Anyway, as you guessed…” He touches the material of his sweatpants too, fingers dangerously close to yours. “You came to me and told me how you felt. You,” He silently snorts, “Told me you weren’t worried about ruining our friendship because it’s already changed and you thought you might as well take it into your own hands.”

“Sounds like me.” You look impressed with things that sound real despite the fact it also sounds unreal. 

“I admired you so much. Still do.” His fingers brush against yours every now and then. “I obviously returned your feelings. We started dating immediately.”

“Wow, we move fast, huh? Or maybe it was slow?” Perspective, you guess.

He laughs, “Fast. We moved in together only 8 months after dating and I proposed to you only a year and half into our relationship because we both knew this was forever.” He softens so much, fingers warm against yours, the slow and calculated movements making both of your pulses quicken. 

“Wow…” You stare down at his thigh, feeling silly for getting this excited at fingers barely touching. “I wish I remembered this.”

“Me too.” He says quietly. “I think about my life with you all the time and I wish I could just insert my memories into your head.”

“How was our wedding?” You ask him, “We look nice in the photo.”

“One of the best days of my life.” He looks up finally, his eyes willing yours to look at him as well. “I promise you that.”

“You’re a lot more romantic than I would have assumed.” You crack a smile, “Are we pretty romantic?”

He sighs, smile tugging at his lips. “Crazy for each other. So what do you think?”

You laugh a little bitterly, even when your body tingles in warmth and excitement. “I wish I remembered. I hate that nothing sounds familiar at all. It sounds like you’re reading my diary of future dreams to me.”

“I’d love to see that.” He teases. “But hey,” Suddenly growing more serious, “You will get your memories back.”

You nod, trying your best to convince yourself it’s true. “Yeah.”

“I told you I’m here for you. For all of it. No matter how this turns out, I won’t…” He looks away, visibly gulping. “I won’t ever give up.”

You realize with all this discussion that does feel overwhelming despite how pleasing it is to hear, that no actual words have been said about feelings.

“Jungkook?”

“What is it?” He hums.

“Do you love me?”

Jungkook’s brows pull together, blinking at you like you asked a ridiculous question.

“Do I love you?” His fingers finally grab a hold of yours. “I love you so much, y/n.” His confession almost looks overwhelming for even him.

Your lips lift, a sudden relief flooding your entire body. “You do?”

“Yes.” He gazes into your eyes more intense than before. “Isn’t it so obvious?”

“Tell me about our first kiss.” You request, your hand feeling a little sweaty thanks to nerves.

“Our first…” He releases a long breath, “I asked you. I wanted to take you on a date first but I didn’t really want to wait.” He admits, chuckling. “I kissed you and we didn’t really want to stop.” He looks sheepish now, his other hand rubbing the back of his neck.

“Do you think…” Your heart is hammering against your chest now as heat crawls up all your exposed skin. “If we kissed right now that it could spark something? Memories?”

And for the first time, not completely blinded by the joy you feel, you see obvious confliction cross his eyes.

“No, I don’t think we should.” He pulls his hand away from you, he wipes it on his other pants leg, ridding it of sweat. “Boundaries. Slow. This is new.”

He’s reluctant. You can understand his perspective but you sense there’s something more.

“Okay…” You mumble, “That’s okay.”

He finds your eyes, slight panic when he says, “I’m not saying I don’t want to. I just don’t think we should.”

“But what if it helps?” You try to reason with him. Yes, you’d love to kiss him because damn, you’ve been wanting to for a long time. But you also believe it could help. 

He looks antsy in his spot, eyes darting around while both hands rub his sweatpants. “I don’t know. If it’s right.” He says quietly. “I really—”

“—Jungkook, it’s okay. I’m giving you full consent if that’s what you’re worried about.” You put a hand over his, “I’d love to kiss you regardless but I also want to test this theory of mine.”

He deeply sighs out, struggling to look at you again. 

“Please.” You whisper.

He finally tries to relax his body, fully turning his entire form towards you. “Are you really sure?”

You feel touched honestly. He’s so caring and considerate and you’re wildly into him. “I’m sure.”

“Okay…” Jungkook licks the corner of his lips nervously. “Can I lead it?”

“Sure.” You nod, the feeling of a cage door breaking down when millions of butterflies escape inside your stomach, fluttering around making you feel lightheaded. “Yeah…”

Jungkook looks exactly how you’re feeling. 

Uncertain and longing.

Jungkook eyes meet yours and it’s like they’re screaming at you. In excitement? Nerves? Worry? You don’t really know. But you’re sure yours are doing the same. He breathes out, hands suddenly rising towards your face but his fingers only hover over your cheeks. You’re sure he can feel the raging heat radiating off your skin. You swallow hard, heart racing when he moves closer to you.

He continuously licks his lips, fingers finally barely touching your skin and you can feel the comfortable burn from the tips of his fingers, your breath getting caught in your throat at the small touch. 

His space is invading yours, strong tension on both sides colliding with a great force. You can physically feel the heavy, thick air between your bodies. 

You need to breathe.

His fingers cup your jaw more firmly, his skin merging with yours thanks to the heat that has you both melting. His eyes stay low, not able to make contact with yours quite yet as he continues to lean in. He’s moving so slowly, so hesitantly despite how you feel the need he exerts. 

“Jungkook…” You sigh out his name and you feel a bolt of electricity when his eyes snap up and lock with yours. His chest rises and falls and you sense he’s trying to calm his breathing while you’re reminding yourself to breathe.

You know he’s leading but you can’t help it when your hands slide up his chest, fingers splayed out, feeling the drumming of his crazy heart. He releases a shaky breath, eyes going back down to your lips and he leans in more and more. He’s breathing the same small space of air as you. His shaky breaths fanning over your mouth, a reflection of how hard he’s trying to keep it together. 

“Jungkook.” You’re barely audible, eyes closing at the close proximity. 

You want to fall apart. Jungkook’s lips ghost yours, tickling your bottom lip when his barely brushes against it. You want him to meld his lips against yours firmly but he’s so slow and careful, driving you insane. 

“Okay,” He breathes against you.

One of his hands slide behind your neck, surprising you when he urges you forward, your lips perfectly slotting between his and you immediately moan against his mouth, hands firm against his chest when they glide up, your fingers lacing behind his neck, pulling him closer against you. 

Jungkook’s chest pushes against yours, his heavy breaths hard to ignore but somehow you’re only focusing on the feeling between you both. His lips barely disconnect, more shaky breaths before he dives in again, much more force but he’s still so gentle. Little groans in the back of his throat making you ache. 

You know this is new for you. But kissing him already feels so familiar and your body has incredible muscle memory even when your brain lacks it. Your fingers grip the hair at the back of his neck, making Jungkook pull his lips away again, breathing against your mouth heavily. 

You match the pace of his erratic breaths before deciding you’ll lead now. 

You connect your lips but instead of long, firm kisses, you move your mouth against his and he reciprocates instantly. The kisses are slow even though all you feel is urgency. His hands drop from your head and find a comfortable place on your hips, squeezing your sides every time you move them. 

Another squeeze when you whine into his mouth, lips parting and Jungkook’s tongue shyly licks into you. He’s warm and quietly groans when you slip your tongue to caress his. This feels like a man you’ve made out with before. This feels like a man that knows how to kiss you.

But unfortunately no memories get sparked despite how familiar it all is. 

Jungkook’s hands slide up your frame, fingers back on your jaw when he pulls away again, same shaky breaths fanning your skin when he pushes his forehead to yours and sighs deeply. You slowly open your eyes to see how his are slammed shut, a peculiar expression on his face with beads of sweat on his hairline that soak into your own skin.

“Jungkook…” You murmur his name, fingers still tangled in his hair. 

He doesn’t respond, he doesn’t open his eyes, he doesn’t even move.

He tries to even his breathing…he simply tries to keep himself in one piece. 

With no warning, his hands drop from you altogether and he pulls away from you, a groan leaving his mouth when he leans back into the sofa, eyes still closed. 

You’re breathless, hot, lightheaded and crazy for him. You watch him with careful eyes, but it’s hard for your gaze not to lower to the prominent bulge in his sweatpants. He’s looking defeated, head tilted back, arms weak on either side of him and doing nothing to hide how hard he’s gotten.

After several long moments and he seems to be coming down from some sort of high, he opens his eyes and glances at you. “Anything?” He asks you quietly.

You frown, “No. It’s all familiar though. Good, too.”

He leans forward, nodding at your words. “Okay. It’s okay. Don’t worry, y/n.”

You feel bad for some reason. Guilty that his touch wasn’t enough for the world of memories to return to you. Like his love wasn’t enough. You know that’s not the case but you hope it’s not what he’s thinking.

“I love you too…just so you know.” You tell him, hand on his thigh.

You see how his expression twists, forcing the weakest smile you’ve ever seen as he gives you a nod. “I uh, I’m going to grab some water.” He stands from the sofa, “We should probably call it a night.”

~

It’s 4am and you can’t fall asleep. You’re tossing and turning in your bed—your lonely bed—unable to shut your brain off. Jungkook insisted on remaining on the sofa because boundaries or whatever. You get it. But you also don’t. 

You texted Misuk and Subin letting them know that the cat was out of the bag. You know you’re married to Jungkook and you couldn’t be more pleased with the revelation. There isn’t any response from either of them yet but maybe they went to bed early. You also texted your parents but they did reply almost immediately. Your mom only texting back ‘yes my favorite son in law.’  

After the kiss with Jungkook, you two put on a movie, hoping some tension would disappear between you but no, of course not. Instead it only grew, wrapping your body and pulling you under with little space to breathe. You have a lot to think about. Obviously.

You still need to ask Jungkook about the apartment, what case he’s working on and why Misuk has developed a dislike for him. But also, unfortunately, you’re thinking about the boner he was sporting after kissing you.

You feel hot and bothered at the fact you were able to affect him like after kissing for a couple of minutes. It’s relieving since he affected you just as strongly. You understand why he said the first time you two ever kissed, you both didn’t want to stop. You didn’t want to stop this time either. 

You miss him. Badly. He’s so close but not close enough. Your couch is not your bed. Isn’t it also his bed? Ugh. You’re craving to be close to him, feeling his skin and his warmth. Isn’t he itching to cuddle with you too? Although it’s not something you’re used to but you definitely could get used to it. And fast. 

You roll around in bed, body on one side and then the other but no position feels comfortable enough to relax in. You quietly groan, head banging against the pillows and you know you need to give up. Maybe you just aren’t sleeping tonight. Eyes focused on the ceiling, the moonlight seeps into your bedroom since the blinds are cracked open as it give the walls an illuminating glow. 

You just stare. Stare at nothing. An entire hour passes by and finally, you’re feeling the energy drain from your body. You realize your mind is hardly going wild anymore. Kind of loving that your mind is suddenly blanking as no particular thoughts feel busy in your head. Body feeling heavier and eyes opening and closing more often. You can feel that maybe you will fall asleep tonight. 

You blink lazily, eyes still on the ceiling. You can finally feel sleep trying to pull you under, the moonlight lulling you, a blueish white glow that is dim and—suddenly, the entire room goes dark for a quick, fleeting moment and your entire body jolts up. Heart already pounding, you’re quick to whip your head in the direction of the window because you know a passing shadow when you see one.

Sitting upright in bed, you stare at the window, holding your breath. Did you imagine that? Did someone pass your window? An animal? Maybe it was simply clouds momentarily covering the moon.

No. 

A strange feeling crawls all over your skin, unwanted goosebumps rising. 

A strange feeling that feels fucking familiar. 

You quickly get out of the bed, walking to the window when you peek out of it but there’s nothing around that you can see. You didn’t imagine that, right?

But the strange feeling makes a home within you. 

As if what just happened feels more like a dream than something you just experienced. 

Did you imagine it? Are you remembering something? 

Either way, fuck that.

You quickly close the blinds and step away from the window. Mind suddenly busy all over again. What was that? Did someone walk by your window? Did you even actually see a shadow? Or before falling asleep did you simply begin dreaming already? Or did a memory trying forcing its way out of you…?

You stand still, completely still. Palms growing sweaty because your brain is sending a million signals to your body but you can’t makes sense of even one of them.

You feel anxious. Your chest hurts and if that wasn’t enough, your skull suddenly feels on fire, a terrible ache causing your head to be on the brink of explosion. Your hands go to your face, rubbing your cheeks as you try to relax. What is happening?

You don’t need to think about it. You turn away from your window, feet taking you towards your bedroom door when you decide to wake up Jungkook.

Approaching the living room, you hear your best friend—oh, husband—snoring away on the sofa, an immediate sigh of relief leaves your lips the closer you get.

“Jungkook…” You put a hand on his shoulder, gently shaking him awake. “Hey.” 

Jungkook takes a minute to stir from his sleep, face all scrunched up as he barely opens one eye. “Hm?” He slowly tries to sit up and get a look at you. “Hey, what’s up?” He questions you softly, a curious look all over his face.

“Jungkook.” You mumble, your anxiety rising uncomfortably. “I feel…” You can’t even finish that sentence without your voice sounding panicked and overwhelmed.

Jungkook’s eyes finally adjust, his expression alert all of the sudden as he reaches for you, urging you to take a seat on the edge of the sofa. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” His hands are on either of your shoulders, rubbing them soothingly. “What’s wrong?”

Your heart is racing. Not in excitement. In fear. In fear of what’s real or what isn’t. In fear of dreams, in fear of memories, in fear of reality. “I don’t feel good.” You admit to him, “I feel sick, I think.”

“Sick?” He questions, eyes scanning your face, though it’s dark. “Upset stomach?”

“No,” You swallow hard. “Life.”

Jungkook’s expression turns pained, finally understanding what’s going on here.

“Are you overwhelmed?” He asks you, “Stressed about things?”

“I’m,” You hate the tightness in your chest. “I’m really fucking overwhelmed. My brain isn’t…” Your voice cracks, eyes stinging. “It doesn’t make sense to me. Nothing makes sense to me. This doesn’t make sense to me.” You feel panic settle. “ I don’t know what to do. I feel fucking lost. I’m lost. This doesn’t make sense to me. I don’t—”

“—Hey, hey.” Jungkook’s rubbing your arms, trying to comfort you. “y/n. Look at me. Please look at me.” His hands leave your sides when his thumbs brush right below your eyes. He’s wiping away a few miserable tears you never realized spilled. “I’m here, love. I’m here.” 

“Jungkook…” You reach for him, head falling into his chest. “Nothing makes sense. I don’t make sense. I don’t understand—” Your breaths pick up, “I don’t know, Jungkook. This doesn’t make sense.”

“Fuck,” He sighs, jaw tightening as he rubs your back, staring at the empty space behind your body. “I’m so sorry. This isn’t fair for you…I’m sorry you had to find out like this—about us—I wish things would—”

“What?” You lift yourself from his chest, teary eyes on his. “You think I’m freaking the fuck out because of us? Jungkook,” You swallow down the burn in your throat, “This news is the only good thing I’m holding on to right now. It’s everything else that fries my fucking brain.” You point a finger at the side of your head.

He looks at you, confusion swirling in his eyes. “This isn’t because of us?”

You shake your head before you wipe at your eyes, “No. This is because every other missing detail in my life. You’re the only,” You lean forward, desperate gaze set on him and he grows so weak at your expression. “You’re the only thing keeping me together. The news about you and me does make sense.”

Audible breaths leave Jungkook’s parted lips, eyes blown wide and the uncertainty and longing becoming the skeleton inside his body and it controls him. His possessed bones pull you closer to him and you quietly gasp when he kisses you. Strong arms wrapped around you, lips pushing against yours and your entire body relaxes in Jungkook’s hold. 

His lips feel so familiar. Like your brain is itching to give you more. But it doesn’t.

He pulls away, his face falling into the crook of your neck and he breathes you in, “Tell me what it is that you need from me, y/n.” 

You don’t really know what to say.

But the answer is more obvious than you realize, “This.” You tell him. “You.”

He inhales a sharp breath, head slightly nodding before he rises from your neck and brushes the back of his hand against your cheek. “Okay. I’ll give you this. Me.”

~~~

You stare at your phone, reading over your texts with Misuk and Subin even though they should be here any moment now. They finally replied to you about Jungkook.

Subin 2:14pm

🥹 I’m so glad you’re happy about it! Imagine if you weren’t in love with him yet? Lol that would be a shocker! 

Misuk 2:15pm

👍

Misuk 2:15pm

What all has he told you?

y/n 3:09pm

just some memories about how we got together and stuff

y/n 3:10pm

its kinda the only thing that doesn’t make me feel clueless right now

Subin 3:11pm

That makes sense . Just remember to take it easy, okay?💖

y/n 3:14pm

i know 

y/n 3:14pm

im trying at least 

Misuk 3:21pm

What are you doing after 5 y/n? Maybe me and Subin can swing by for a bit

Subin 3:22pm

Yes please 💕

y/n 3:25pm

really?? Id love that! Yes come over come over!!! Jungkook is off doing things so im home alone right now lol

Misuk 4:02pm

Okay we will be there after 5 then 😀

You exit the group when your finger slides over to Jungkook’s latest text now instead.

Jungkook 5:07pm

What do you think about going on a date tomorrow? 

Jungkook 5:08pm

If you’re up for it. 

Jungkook 5:08pm

But I’d love to have a date with you.

You aren’t sure if you’ll ever get used to this new, jittery feeling. The jittery feeling that causes you to smile even without meaning to. 

You look up from your phone when you hear knocking on you front door, excitedly standing to answer because you know it’s Misuk and Subin waiting on the other side. You open the door, welcoming your friends inside your home with a grin.

“Hi.” You sing out and do a little twirl, “Welcome to my humble abode where I live, as a married woman.” 

Subin giggles, her arms wrapping around you tightly in a hug. “Hey.”

Misuk watches you, sighing as she notices your big, genuine smile. 

“Should I order us something to eat?” You gesture towards the living room so you all can sit. “I want to eat a big meal.” You rub your stomach in a cute manner.

Misuk continues to stand at the doorway and you notice she looks deep in thought before she sighs again and cracks a small smile. “You look really happy.” She tells you.

“About some things, yes.” You admit before tugging on her sleeve, “Let’s sit.”

You three find spots on your sofa that you’ve grown to adore while Subin tells you both how Garam wants to go to Italy for a romantic trip, her cute, squealing voice as she gushes about her soon to be husband. You wish you could remember your excitement before getting married.

“You’re so lucky.” You speak softly, “You will have all these wonderful memories of you and Garam and you know, actually remember them. I’m jealous of you!” You laugh, “I’m so excited for you, that you’re getting married soon.”

Subin blinks at you, blush growing on her cheeks as she smiles timidly. “Thank you. But honestly, I was so jealous of you too.” She giggles, “If you think you’re jealous of me, you’d actually be more jealous of you.”

You tilt your head, “Why?”

Misuk chuckles, “Because no one was ever more excited about getting married than you.”

“It’s true.” Subin muses at you, “You were adorable.”

“Oh.” You think about it for a moment. “What was the process like? In a friend’s perspective?”

“What do you mean?” Misuk asks you, “Like, what were you like when you were only engaged? Or what you were like after getting married?”

“Both.” You grin at her, “Did I have a bachelorette?”

Subin snorts cutely, “You had more than just a normal bachelorette.”

“Yeah,” Misuk smiles, eyes going up when she tries to recall the crazy time it was. “It was more like a whole character arc.”

You purse your lips while narrowing your eyes at nothing. “I don’t understand.”

Subin laughs, “You know, most bachelorettes are like a weekend getaway. There might be strippers. Lots of alcohol obviously. Clubs. You know, the basic stuff.”

“You had a bit of a different idea.” Misuk shakes her head, smirk on her lips. “You created an entire monthlong list of things you wanted to do. Spontaneous things. Crazy things. Simple things. Things an unmarried woman would do shamelessly.”

“A month long what now?” You’re trying to think of what the hell could be on this list.

Subin glances at Misuk before questioning her, “It was one thing to do a day for a month right?”

Misuk nods, “Yeah. Ridiculous things.”

“Why?” You question your friends and Subin lights up as she responds.

“You said you wanted to do a bunch of stuff as an individual. Independent. Something personal for you, I guess.”

“I did?”

“Yeah.” Misuk answers. “And after you two got married, you guys made a whole new bucket type list that you did together.”

“It was really cute.” Subin chimes in, “But your personal list was great. You did some questionable stuff though.”

“…Like what?” You ask.

“Remember when I told you that you flashed your boobs to some guy?” Misuk smirks again. “That was like day 14 or something.”

“What?” You gasp, “What the hell! I even mentioned it to Jungkook!”

Subin waves you off with a smile, “Don’t worry. Jungkook helped you make the list and he approved of everything on it. He knows everything.” 

Misuk rolls her eyes, “He was even a part of one of the things you had on the list. Which was totally cheating, by the way! You were supposed to write a song.”

“There’s no way I wrote a song.” You snort, not believing that.

“You didn’t.” Misuk deadpans. “Jungkook basically did it for you, that romantic fucker.”

“He wrote a song with me?” You try to control your lips. Don’t fucking smile like you’re a whipped woman in love.

“More like for you.” Misuk tells you, her back meeting the couch cushion when she sighs. “He was like that.”

“I’m glad you know about the marriage.” Subin softens, her pink cheeks shimmering. “It sucked knowing something that you didn’t.”

“Regardless how I feel about Jungkook now…” Misuk mutters quietly, “You do look really happy so I guess I can suck it up for now.” 

You frown, her implication that her feelings for Jungkook now are anything but positive makes you heart sting. “Misuk.”

“I said you look happy and it makes me happy, okay?” A corner of her mouth lifts. “Seeing you like this…well, it’s nice.”

You try to erase the frown on your face. “Thank you.”

“And I got to say…” Misuk crosses her arms over her chest, “I was totally right and I’m kind of glad I’m able to shove it in your face again.”

“Huh?” You glance between her and Subin who just giggles.

“When me and Jungkook broke up.” Misuk reminds you, “I told you it was because, one, we were better off as friends and two, because I knew that the both of you were going to end up together.”

Your jaw drops a little, remembering exactly what she said.

“You were so ridiculous.” She snickers to herself, “All like, ‘oh my god, that won’t happen!’ but it totally did happen. I love being right sometimes.” 

“Well,” you pout, cheeks warming up. “Glad you were right then.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Misuk studies you for a moment. “Oh right, my mom is stopping by in a day or two but it shouldn’t interfere with our girls weekend.”

“Your mom?” You suddenly beam at Misuk. “I would love her forever if she happens to bake her famous blueberry muffins.”

“Lucky for you I mentioned it to her already and she said she would love to make some.” 

“Can you also ask her to bake that chocolate pie?” Subin moans to herself, “I would probably leave Garam if it meant I could fuck that p—“

“Oh my god, Subin.” You gape at the girl while she stares at you dumbfounded.

“What?” She glances at Misuk now, “It’s a really good pie.”

“It really is.” She nods, “Anyway, my mom is only stopping by for a bit so I’m not sure you guys will get to see her but yes, she is bringing desserts.” 

“Hell yeah.” You honestly dream about those muffins. “Can’t wait.”

“So,” Subin bites her lip, something curious and careful about her expression. “How are things with Jungkook since you found the photo?”

“Hm,” You sink into your couch in contentment. “Interesting? Not exactly what I thought of at first.”

“What do you mean?” Misuk raises a brow, “What did you think it would be like?”

“My delusional mind somehow thought that life was like a movie and we were going to fall back in step to married life—you know, the thing I actually know nothing about—and my memories would magically return. You know? etcetera, etcetera.” You shrug even though you know how ridiculous it sounds, smile creeping on your face. “But instead, I still have all my problems. But Jungkook is great. He seems conflicted, for sure.” You admit to your friends as a heavy sigh leaves your mouth. “Obviously because this is new for me and it’s something that has to develop.”

“Right.” Misuk mumbles.

“But it feels good knowing this isn’t one sided for me. That things went somewhere with him.” 

“Yeah.” Subin reaches over to pat your leg, “Things definitely went somewhere.”

“I just know that once my memories return…” You sit more upright again, determined eyes on your best friends. “Life is going to get so much better.”

Subin and Misuk exchange a quick glance and it doesn’t go unnoticed but you ignore it. Subin pats your leg again and you expect her to say something nice as usual but you realize, neither of your friends know what to say.

~

“The park?” You glance around, the grass tall and green, water calm and the breeze just right. “Ah, you did say we come here a lot, right?”

Jungkook reaches for your hand, intertwining your fingers and you try to remain cool, calm and collected even though his touch makes you yearn for him.

“Yeah.” He smiles, leading you towards that same pond on the side where the trees are. “Coming here became an escape for us.” He tells you, lifting up the picnic basket in his other hand.

You hum in contentment though you remember not loving this place as much last time you came. “Didn’t you say there’s some bad memories here though?” 

Jungkook gives a stiff nod, “Yes. But…we also have a lot of good memories here. Plus, I think if we create more good memories here,” he looks around with a hopeful expression. “Then the bad ones will eventually lose their power.” 

You squeeze his hand, “I don’t think anything could be that bad.” 

Jungkook doesn’t answer with words, just a low hum but you notice the detachment even though it only last a few seconds before he turns his head and smiles at you.

“So what’s in the basket?” You nudge his shoulder before you both stop in front of one of the trees that looks out over the pond. “A blanket I hope.”

“Of course.” Jungkook smirks at you, “I know you hate how itchy grass feels.” 

“Ah,” You eye him over, impressed. “My husband would know that, huh?”

He snorts, “Even best friend me would know that.”

“Details, details.” 

Jungkook places the basket to the grassy ground, opening it quickly as he pulls a folded blanket out, getting it all ready for you both to sit. Once sitting with crossed legs over the soft material, you watch as Jungkook pulls a few more items out. This basket reminds you of a magic, endless bag of items. 

“Oh.” Your eyes light up. “Sandwiches?” 

“Mhm.” He hands you one before pulling out his own. “And also,” He digs deeper before pulling out an assortment of fruits on a little platter. “Fruit. But we can’t forget,” he sets the fruit tray down before digging back into the basket. This basket really is like a magic bag of endless items. How the hell did this all fit? “This too.” He wiggles his brows when he shows you a box of an assortment of chocolates. 

“This is cute.” You laugh a little, “Are we going to feed each other?” 

“Is that something you’re into?” Jungkook raises an amused brow, “Because you’ve definitely never told me before.”

“Maybe I just never had a chance to discover it.” You tease him, “You know?”

“Sure.” He chuckles, “If you say so.”

“Anyway,” You admire the calm pond, “It’s a date. A first date for me. Aren’t first dates a good place for people to get to know one another, right?”

Jungkook sways into you, while his fingers are busy unwrapping his sandwich. “You want to get to know me?”

You poke his cheek innocently while you ignore your own sandwich for now. “As a lover, yes.”

“As a lover?” He glances at you, “Okay, go ahead.”

You beam at his willingness, “What are you love languages?”

“My love lang—Ah,” He nods, “That’s an online quiz you made me take one time. I don’t remember…maybe it was the quality time one?”

You giggle, “Definitely. You like quality time and my guess is acts of service.”

“Hmm, I don’t know.” He shrugs cutely.

“Are you affectionate?” You wonder, “Like to a needy degree?”

“Needy degree?” He repeats your words.

“Yeah.” You nod, “I don’t ever recall you being super touchy with anyone you briefly dated in the past. And it’s not like we ever really showed too much obvious affection either.” 

“Ah,” He gets what you mean now. “I might not be super into PDA if that’s what you mean. But in private…well, yes. Any opportunity to touch you, I take it. I love being all over you.” He admits, averting your gaze while he stares out at the pond. “And I really, really like it when you cling to me too. It makes me feel,” His chest rises before releasing a long breath of air. “Makes me feel needed by you. Loved by you. And as stupid as it might sound,” He tries to suppress a smile, eyes still on the water. “I get kind of sad when I can’t hold you whenever I want.”

His words honestly surprise you. You wouldn’t have guessed any of this especially because his touches with you are so scarce even now. How much is he holding back?

“Really?” You’d cling to him right now if he gave you the word. “That sounds like something I might enjoy too.”

Jungkook finally turns his head towards you with an adorable grin on his face, “It is.”

You feel your skin pleasantly burning. “What are some of your favorite married moments with me?”

Jungkook’s smile slightly drops and a frown that’s too cute to take seriously forms on his face, “Why don’t we wait for you to remember too?”

“No,” You rest your head on his shoulder for a moment, “I like hearing these kinds of things even if I’m unaware. It kind of gets me excited to see it from my perspective one day.” 

Jungkook studies your serious expression when you lift your face again and gaze at him. “Okay, I can share some things.” His all too cute frown disappears when he smiles again. 

“Perfect.”

“There was this time we were visiting our parents for Christmas, I think it was actually our first Christmas as a married couple now that I think about it…anyway, this might be a bit inappropriate—”

“—Thank goodness, I was hoping you’d say something that might be steamy.”

Jungkook laughs at you, “Inappropriate doesn’t automatically mean sexual, you realize that?”

“Oh so it’s not?”

“No, it is but—”

“—How inappropriate are we talking?” You smirk at him.

“If you’d let me tell my story then you’d find out.” He scolds you, “Anyway, we were walking from your parent’s house to mine, they were all already over there, by the way. You took forever to get ready and it was already dark by the time we walked over. And you remember my old car?”

You eye him suspiciously. “…Yes. The magnet.”

“Yup.” He bites his lip while raising a brow quickly. “You made a comment about how you know there’s a long list of girls that I had in the backseat of that car.”

You roll your eyes.

“It’s not even a long list by the way.” His hand goes to your thigh, giving it a squeeze. “But you said and I quote, ‘I wonder if we were actually close in high school, you would have gotten me in the backseat of your car too.’ Which of course just made my imagination run a little wild.” He chuckles, “It almost felt like a fantasy once you said it.” 

“You fantasized about what it would have been like or what?”

“I didn’t really have to rely on my imagination for long.” He admits, voice dipping lower. “I told you that you could easily erase any trace of another girl from that car if you really wanted to.”

Your eyes go wide, “You did not fuck me in that death trap in front of our childhood homes on Christmas.” 

“And if I did?” He challenges you with a sly smile.

“I wouldn’t have let you! I became just another girl in your backseat, oh my god.”

Jungkook’s fingers dance across your thigh, his eyes staring down at the little patterns he’s drawing on your jeans. “Don’t worry.” He says quietly, “Only think of you when I remember that car now.”

You act annoyed, but his touch, even through your jeans…feels enticing. “I better be.”

Jungkook chuckles, finally bringing his hand back to his own lap. “Another favorite memory is when you and I got really, and I mean really bored…and we decided to do something we might have liked to do together if we were actually friends as kids.” 

Your lips form an ‘o’ when you clearly look intrigued, “Okay, that sounds pretty cool. What did we do?”

Jungkook closes his eyes, lips spreading super wide as he recalls it. “We made a homemade movie.”

You immediately nudge his shoulder playfully, “Oh my. A homemade movie? Is this steamy too?”

He scrunches his face, “Something we would have liked as kids, y/n.”

Your teasing smile drops, “Oh yeah.”

“Anyway,” He shakes his head, grin reappearing. “It was so bad yet also so good. We made a scary movie in the house. I’m talking about dramatic light flickering, shadowy figures walking by, cabinets opening on their own and of course, the cheesiest dialogue. I still remember my favorite part. ‘who’s there?’” His voice gets high pitched as he starts dramatically looking around him, getting into character, “’whoever you are…” He pauses again as you stare at him completely amused. 

“wait!” He shrieks, you realize the one he’s mocking is your character obviously...a safe assumption. “It got so cold!” He hugs himself, rubbing his arms dramatically. “Are you a…” He snaps his head to the side, brows comically furrowed. “A ghost?!’” His eyes crinkle as he laughs. “And then it cuts to a scene where the lights start flickering nonstop with creepy music in the background but the best part is, you can clearly see my hand in the background, flipping the light switch on and off.” 

You snort when you hear that part, laughter erupting because you can definitely imagine it. 

You and Jungkook laugh with ease, eyes connected and you realize how natural this all feels. How easy it is getting into this new groove with him and you realize it’s probably because your brain, deep down, feels how familiar and well known this all is. Instead of feeling as nervous as you were previously, you realize this is just you and your best friend. But with a more deeply connected and intimate bond.

You really can’t wait to uncover more of that.

“I’m having so much fun with you.” You tell Jungkook with soft eyes. “I can’t believe this is my life for the last nine years.” 

You hope this bliss isn’t too good to be true. Because you clearly see Jungkook’s lips twitch while an odd look flickers in his eyes. He faces forward again, throat bobbing when he swallows. “You know we’ve barely touched our food, right?” He chuckles, the detached look from earlier revisits and you’re wondering what he isn’t telling you. But you choose to be blind because right now, this magic with Jungkook is all you can see.

~

“Home sweet home.” You yawn out as you and Jungkook walk through your front door. You bend down to unbuckle the straps of your shoes, Jungkook’s hand on your hip as he helps keep you balanced. “It’s only after 8, should we watch a movie or something?”

Jungkook hums out cutely while slipping off his own shoes, “I don’t know…I thought maybe the gentleman thing to do would be dropping you off after our date?”

You turn to look behind you, incredulous look on your face. “Yeah, right.” You scoff, “I’d be mad at you if you did that.”

Jungkook laughs, “I know.” 

You drag your feet to the sofa, plopping down onto it with a satisfied sigh, “Come sit with me.”

Jungkook follows behind, sitting right next to you. No awkward distance this time.

“You know,” Your pointer finger taps against his leg as you look at him, “You can bring your stuff here…you don’t have to pretend to live at that shitty apartment anymore.”

Jungkook leans back, eyes on the ceiling instead of looking at you, “You don’t know what it’s uh, what it’s like to live with me so we should probably not jump into that yet.”

“Jungkook,” You stop tapping against his thigh, instead you rest your palm against it. “If it really bothers you that much you can just stay in the guest bed—”

“—No.” He shakes his head, “That’s okay. Seriously it’s okay.”

“Okay…you’ve been sleeping here most nights anyway so I don’t really see the big deal. That apartment isn’t like you at all.” You watch his reactions to your words carefully, “Doesn’t it make you feel uncomfortable to be in there? There’s nothing in that apartment that reflects you…doesn’t that make you feel like you’re staying in a strangers place?”

“It’s fine.” He mumbles and you notice the detachment once again but then he turns his head to look at you, his features turning softer. “That’s how you felt first coming to this house, right?”

Well, yeah. You nod and when he frowns you immediately wave him off with your other hand, “It doesn’t feel like that anymore. Somehow when you’re here it feels way more like home.”

You can tell he tries not to smile at that but his lips betray him, “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” You confirm. “Anyway, my mom said that her and your mom are throwing us a little celebration now that I know about us.” 

Jungkook brows pinch, “They’re doing…what?”

“I don’t know, I think they’re excited that they don’t have to pretend like we aren’t together anymore. You know how our moms are…” You chuckle, “They want any excuse to have a party.”

Jungkook nods though he looks conflicted, “Is that really a good idea?”

“Why wouldn’t it be? We’re going there next weekend anyway, right? Plus, they wouldn’t listen even if we said we didn’t want it.” 

“Well, that’s true.” He sighs in defeat. “They’re a force when they’re together.”

“Hey, is Pingu still around?” You suddenly look excited. “He’s not still fighting dogs on the streets, right?”

“Pingu?” Jungkook lifts his back off the couch cushion when he leans into you with a curious expression. “Pingu…the cat?”

You nod slowly, “Who else would I be talking about?”

“You remember Pingu?” He glances to the side, gears working in his head. “Or did our moms mention Pingu?”

“No?” You suddenly grow confused. “Why wouldn’t I remember Pingu?”

Jungkook’s face morphs, looking more fixed than before. “y/n…” He meets your eye again before he’s piecing it together. “Mom didn’t adopt Pingu until just a few years ago. I think we had only been married a couple years…but you remember him?” 

Your mouth falls open to speak but suddenly you’re realizing he’s right…you don’t remember Pingu ever existing as a 24 year old so that means… “Holy shit.” Your eyes begin expanding as your mouth falls open further. “I remember Pingu.”

You remember Pingu!

Jungkook mirrors your exact expression, a giant, excitement filled smile starts growing on his face and then he’s grabbing your hands, “y/n, you remember…” Now he’s laughing, pure joy in the sound. “You remember that fucking cat but not our wedding.” He grips your hands tighter, still exuding his excitement. You can’t but laugh too.

“Yes!” You squirm in your spot, completely thrilled. “I do!”

You both relax, excited eyes on each other when you both soften, his thumbs now brushing against your fingers, “That’s amazing.” He speaks much quieter now, front teeth momentarily sinking into his bottom lip as he smiles. “You really remembered something. This is…”

“Good.” You finish, you match his smile with your own. “I remember that damn cat.”

He tilts his head with a benevolent glint in his eyes, “More will come.” He whispers. “The memories, I mean.”

“No matter how insignificant, I’m happy to remember something so normal.” You tell him but Jungkook shoots you an amused grin.

“Insignificant?” He squeezes your hands. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell my mom you just described her cat like that.”

You can’t help but laugh, “Life is crazy, huh?”

Jungkook’s smile falters but he doesn’t lose the softness on his face, “You have no idea.” 

You pull your hand away from his when you raise a finger and tap the side of your head, “Eh, I might have a clue.” You chuckle. 

Jungkook’s lips tug down, serious eyes on you when he leans closer to you, “Yeah but no matter how crazy…it’s better if we’re together.”

You feel your heart whisper to you in steady, rhythmic beats. Something about its desire to break through your ribcage, falling into your belly with adrenaline pumping in love, in thrill, and into the hands of this man. It wants nothing more than for Jungkook to steal it away.

You take a breath. Eyes focused on him and you don’t blame your heart for feeling this way.

“We are together.” You whisper, your hands going to either sides of his warm face and he nods, looking lost in your touch. Your heart wants to surrender yourself to this man and you are so willing to oblige. As if he wasn’t already the one who owns it. 

“Yeah.” He pulls one of your hands from his face and brings it to his lips, pecking your palm with light, fluttering kisses while he watches you watch him.

“Hey,” You call for him slowly, dreamily, lost in this moment. “How’s…”

“How’s what?” He places one last kiss to your wrist now before lowering your hand.

You suddenly crack a small smile making him eye you curiously.

“How’s our sex life?” You blurt with complete shamelessness.

Jungkook’s eyebrows climb slowly towards his hairline, suddenly looking taken aback before he snorts to himself, a chuckle at the back of his throat. “I shouldn’t be surprised that you asked that.” He shakes his head, “You really…you’re really asking me that?”

You show him a sheepish smile. “Why not? I mean, if you don’t want to tell me…I could always just,” You look around innocently, “You know, find out for myself.” You speak slowly, eyes finding his again.

Jungkook frowns a little, “Not yet.” He swallows, clearly trying to clear his mind from the image of you finding out just how incredible the sex is between you both.

“Are you going to give me another speech on taking things slow?” You tease him.

Jungkook looks pouty, meaning your teasing is successful. “Yes.” He says with a firm nod and furrowed brows. “It isn’t fair for you…I know you in ways you don’t even know that I know. You don’t…I just know you differently. I don’t think it’s fair.”

You release a long puff of air, “You’re the only one who sees it like that, Jungkook.”

“We have to…develop things like it’s the beginning—for now—so please…let’s not rush, you know?”

You chew your lips for a moment before asking, “Did we wait a while back then too?”

Jungkook’s face falls before an embarrassed look flashes across his face, cheeks heating up. He’s so cute, you think. “Um, no. Honestly, we did sleep together the first night.”

You smirk, “Oh really?”

You watch a blush darkens his cheeks. “Yeah.”

“Hmm,” You scoot a little closer to him, leaning your face closer with seductive eyes. “Do you think you could tell me about it?”

Jungkook feels himself drawn closer to you, but he glances away for a second. “Well…we had sex.”

“No, no.” You give him a knowing look. “Can you describe it to me?”

Jungkook releases a shaky breath, lips curved into a small grin. “You want me to describe the night we first had sex?”

“Yeah.” You tell him, “But I want to know the details. From start,” You pause, leaning more forward when your warm breath is at his ear. “To finish.”

He tenses at your close proximity but he doesn’t have it in him to back away, your mouth at his ear, your hands steadying yourself on his thighs with how you’re leaning into him. 

“You want details?” He quietly chuckles, his face feeling hot. “You want to know all the things we did? What I did to you?”

“Mhm.” Your lips graze the shell of his ear, the tickle making his hands act on instinct when he lightly grab your hips, a deep breath leaving his mouth, disappointed his hands moved on their own. “What you did to me…what I did to you.”

“I told you after we first kissed we didn’t want to stop.” He says, voice lower. “I swear I could have just kissed you the entire night,”

“Really?” Your hands slide up to the middle of his thighs, his muscles tense beneath you. 

“Yeah…” He swallows hard, your lips still at his ear when he feels your breaths buzzing around his skin. 

“How did I kiss you, Jungkook?”

He closes his eyes when he feels your lips pressing against his ear. “Um,”

You smile against his ear before you finally pull back a little, your face now just inches from his, his eyes opening again. “When we kissed…did you get as hard as you did the other day?”

Jungkook’s fingers dig into your skin as he lets out a frustrated low groan, “y/n.” He’s warning you.

“What?” You smile. “I’m just wondering how it went, that’s all.”

“You really want to know how that night went?” He asks you, eyes growing darker, maybe heavier.

“You’re right…I should just let you speak, huh?”

“I kissed you,” He begins, “And the moment my mouth was on yours, I felt like I was going to explode. You kissed me back. So fucking needy, did you know that? That you’re needy?”

You stare at him, lip twitching. “I could guess since it’s you.”

Jungkook chuckles, “Mm, you’re right. But do you know how handsy you are too?”

“Was I not handsy enough for you the other night?” You challenge him with a dark gaze. 

He keeps his eyes on you, so focused as his muscles grow more and more tense, your hands still sliding up his thighs. “I won’t answer that.” He says.

“What happened after we made out?” You continue to push the conversation.

Jungkook eyes close, like he’s seeing the vision of it behind his eyelids. His lips part when soft breaths escape. “I kissed you any place you’d let me.”

“I think I’d let you kiss me anywhere.”

He nods, eyes still closed, satisfied smile lifting his lips. “Yeah.”

“So then?”

“I kissed your neck, sucked your skin until you grew impatient with me.”

“Hm,” You watch him carefully, his flushed face making you see the effect on him. You lean forward again, his eyes suddenly opening when your lips attach themselves to the side of his neck. He doesn’t stop you. He only continues.

“I sucked your skin until you were mewling beneath me.” His voice sounds hoarse, eyelids growing heavy again when he feels how you do the same thing to him now. “I kissed down your body, taking your clothes off.”

“Mhm.” You hum against his skin, lips pressing against the side of his neck over and over, fingers pressing deeply into his thighs.

“Fuck,” He groans lowly, “I…touched you everywhere. Feeling you with my hands and my mouth.” He doesn’t realize how his hands that grip your hips are jerking you forward, your body obeying his unintentional commands. “How I tasted you…fucked you with my tongue, my f-fingers.” His hands slide to your lower back, “You felt so tight, y/n. W-Wondered how you’d take my cock.”

You pause the ministrations against his sensitive skin, an intense ache flooding the senses of your core. “And how did I take it?” You breathe heavily against him, “Hm?” Jungkook urges you forward again and before either of you can make sense of it, your knees are on either sides of his thighs, seated in his lap while your chests push up against one another.

“You took me so well…” He looks up into your eyes, a lewdness swirling messily in his dark irises. You bite onto your lip, core barely pressed over the bulge you didn’t get to feel the other night. You keep your hips still though. The aching between your legs only growing stronger at the lack of friction. 

“I hardly fucked you for three minutes before you were creaming my cock, you know that?” 

“Sounds like you knew what you were doing to me.”

“Sounds like you were desperate to have me inside you.” He retorts with a lazy smirk, eyelids half open at this point. 

“Keep telling me.” You softly command, your ass scooting back on his thighs a little so you aren’t sitting directly over his hard length anymore. 

He think you’re being wise.

“I thought we were going to leave it at that but no,” He closes his eyes again. Imagining it. “You crawled over me and took my cock into your mouth. Fuck, you swallowed all of my cum and you—"

You sneak a hand between your bodies, your palm pressing down onto his bulge, making him choke on his words, losing his focus. His eyes remain closed when his brows pull together. 

“Keep going.” You begin rubbing your palm against him, his resolute crumbling when he feels how you touch him over his jeans. It’s not exactly comfortable but it’s fucking relief.

“Um,” He struggles to keep it together. His breaths have grown heavy and erratic, chest rising and falling with each wordless moment that passes.

“Did you like the way I sucked your dick, Jungkook?” You ask him, your core dripping wet just under your pants. 

His tongue pushes against his cheek, trying so hard to focus. The concentrated look on his face makes you so turned on. He’s losing his control, you can tell.

“Your-Your mouth is heaven, love.” He pushes the words out, “Your pussy is too.”

You grind down onto his thighs, unable to keep yourself still anymore. The friction against your clit makes you softly moan above him, your hand pressing harder on the bulge that continues to grow. 

You take the next natural step…other hand going to the band of his jeans, fingers going to the top button when Jungkook, much to his dismay, opens his panicked eyes when his fingers wrap around your wrist to stop you.

“No,” He breathes out roughly, “We shouldn’t. We can’t…y/n we shouldn’t.”

Even he hates what he’s saying, you can tell.

You remove both of your hands from his body, slight sting to your ego when you nod in understanding. He shakes his head, hating how rejected you look.

“Hey,” His hand goes to your jaw, eyes still coated in lust but he tries to clear the fog. “You have no idea how badly I want to be touched by you. How badly I want to touch you.” He bores into your eyes, “But we can’t. Not now. We…” He looks how you feel. “We just shouldn’t.”

You know he might be right no matter how much you don’t want him to be. You want him so badly in every way possible. But you sigh, smiling for him and he immediately relaxes.

“I get it.” You say, “But just so you know…I don’t doubt that you want me too. I can feel how badly you want me, Jungkook.” You lean down slowly, hesitant because you’re afraid it’ll send the wrong message. But Jungkook closes his eyes the moment he realizes you want to give him a kiss. He accepts it. Kissing you back softly. Well, It seems you’re both needy.

~~~

You and Jungkook sit across from one another at the dining room table, amused glances and smiles getting exchanged by you both while you munch on the lunch he made. After the little accidental fun you had together last night, you both decided to relieve the tension with some movies to distract this feeling between you.

He slept on the sofa like usual. And you got off by yourself in your bedroom with him in your mind when you came. 

You know Misuk is going to be over at any moment. She said her mom did in fact make blueberry muffins and she was going to drop some off to you while they’re still fresh. 

Once you’re done eating, you wash yours and Jungkook’s dishes in the sink when there is knocking on your front door.

“Can you get it? It’s Misuk with the muffins,” You inform Jungkook, he nods in understanding, feet taking him out of the kitchen while you continue to wash the dishes from his cooking. 

In the distance you can hear the door opening and shutting and the slight mumbling of voices. You’re wondering what they’re talking about since they aren’t exactly the best of friends right now. You’re curious but you don’t want to snoop. Besides, they’ll probably be walking in here at any moment.

You’re scrubbing a pan when you feel bothered from the inside out. They are still mumbling in the living area. You won’t snoop.

But well, you want to pretend you aren’t snooping but with your back pressed against the wall and ears on high alert while you try to breathe silently as possible—well, you aren’t sure that this isn’t snooping. Especially because you left the sink water running so it isn’t suspicious.

You try to focus on their voices and you’re definitely making out words.

“You don’t have to keep reminding me, Misuk.” Jungkook grumbles. “But once again, I’ll remind you. These are doctor’s orders.”

“Oh?” Misuk scoffs, “How fucking convenient for you.” 

“Can you keep your voice down?” He obviously scolds her. “Look, it makes sense, okay?”

“How the fuck does it make sense?”

Your hands feel clammy as you listen, concern etching itself onto your face.

“Because I’m the one who it closest to y/n. Obviously I—”

“—Closest?” Misuk spits out the word. “That’s fucking hilarious, Jungkook. ‘Closest’” You can hear how she mocks it, your confusion growing so incredibly strong at their exchanges.

“Misuk—”

“—Closest.” She repeats one last time. “She hasn’t spoken one fucking word to you in two years.”

You feel your blood run cold. Heart completely stopping. 

What does she mean? What does that mean? Two years what? You haven’t spoken to Jungkook in two years? No, that’s not…

“But right,” Misuk lowers her tone even more. “Closest.”

[minnies-recs]

Love this series! On one hand, I’m glad I’m reading it as it’s coming out so the anticipation builds and I’m getting to watch it grow. But on the other hand, I have no patience and want to binge read the shit out of it

[threeletterslife]

Legends of Darlaria

⨰ summary: While standing at the crossroads of your forgotten past and your tumultuous present, you strive to survive—to win—a gruesome war. Amongst pools of blood and unmoving bodies, you traverse foreign territory in search of your lost identity. But unexpected twists and disastrous turns hinder your path to glory. What lengths will you go to be loyal to your nation?

⨰ pairing/rating: yoongi x reader & jungkook x reader | PG-15

⨰ genre: 70% angst, 30% fluff | war!au & magic!au

⨰ warnings: profanity, many deaths, torture, blood & gore, graphic depictions of battle scenes, slow burn, non-graphic smut

⨰ wordcount: 350k+ (predicted)

⨰ join the taglist! (pm/send in an ask/reply/reblog)

⨰ 𝐀𝐂𝐓 𝐈 [𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐒𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐚] let’s find out where we are…

⨰ 𝐀𝐂𝐓 𝐈𝐈 [𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐃𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐚𝐞] let’s find out who we are…

⨰ 𝐀𝐂𝐓 𝐈𝐈𝐈 [𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐁𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐰𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐬] let’s find out why we are…

⨰ 𝐀𝐂𝐓 𝐈𝐕 [𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐃𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐚] we’ve found ourselves.

𝐄𝐗𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐒 ⨰ meet the main characters | character list ⨰ which kingdom are you from? ⨰ interested in beta reading? ⨰ the uniform ⨰ music playlist ⨰ official ost (instrumental) ⨰ the creation of lod

[minnies-recs]

✨BIG RECOMMEND!! Read this! ✨

This may be one of the most underrated bts ff stories out there! I can’t believe it took me this long to find it. The world building is excellent—it’s complex and the internal myths have their own poetry and significance. Even though element based fics are not new, there’s a really unique and well-thought-out mythos behind the elements here. The characters are nuanced and their motivations aren’t obvious. The amnesia plot device is used very well. This is one of the few slow burns where the evolution of their relationship is very much earned and worth it.

I just caught up and I can’t wait for the next chapter. And on a personal note, yoongi is my bias and jk is my bias wrecker so this just feels tailor made for me.

[smoochkooks]

—chapter eighteen: my tears ricochet

this is a part of my an ode to a broken heart drabble series.

pairing: jeon jungkook/reader

genre: unrequited love, best friends to (?), heavy angst, smut

word count: 1.7k

summary:  once he’s gone and you’re alone in the empty apartment, your tears ricochet again.

previous || next

“Why didn’t you tell me that you’re in love with me?”

Jungkook’s words pierce the silence between you like an arrow cutting through the air. It strikes you right in the heart, robbing you of breath. You stare at him, wide-eyed, but no sound leaves your mouth.

Keep reading

[minnies-recs]

Hooked on this now! Can’t wait for the next chapter!

[taestefully-in-luv]

Our Time | JJK (One)

Summary: After an accident and being in a coma for three months, you finally wake. But the last nine years of your life have been completely erased. You rely on none other than your best friend, Jungkook, to help regain your memories and yourself. But what happens when the truth of your missing time starts unraveling and it isn’t all it’s made out to be?

Pairing: Jungkook x Fem Reader (Detective!Jk x Graphic Designer!OC) side pairing: Seokjin x Reader

Genre: crime au, fluff, heavy angst, smut, romance, darker themes, amnesia au. Best friends to ???

Word Count: 14.4k

Warnings: swearing, alcohol, mention of face riding, going through changes

a/n: hi hi im so nervous. but also so excited to start this series. really hoping yall will give it a chance bc its gonna be my best one yet (hopefully lmao) and if this interests you pls let me know! Send an ask if you want to be added to the taglist or just want to chat :]

© taestefully-in-luv

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your reflection is lying. It must be. This isn’t you or who you know yourself as…still, even with the physical evidence, you are doubtful that the person staring back at you in this mirror is even someone you recognize. This very reflection has nine years over you…nine years you know nothing about. 

But you’ve had almost two weeks now to get used to this new reflection. Your hair is different, your clothes are different, even your skin feels different. And once your eyes meet your reflection you feel different. Your face is different yet it is still the same. Yes, it’s the same. But it has nine years sticking to it. And that might take more than just a couple of weeks to get totally accustomed to.

Imagine you are 24 years old and when you wake up you are in a hospital bed with doctors questioning you with no mercy. And imagine that you take note of everyone’s paling faces when you tell them you are 24 and the year is 2014. And imagine the feeling of your heart dropping into the most empty stomach when your parents walk into the room and they don’t look how you remember. Gray hair and fine wrinkles that have become more and more prominent.

And imagine your bright, doe eyed best friend comes into the room as well and he becomes more evidence for you to question your reality. His once long, wavy hair is chopped into a short cut and his face looks thin and his eyes look weary. Imagine being told the year is 2023 and you are actually 33 years old.

Well, you don’t have to imagine. This is your reality.

That’s right. Naturally, your first thought was that something happened to you when you were 24 and you’re now just waking up. The heartache of missing an entire nine years of your life feels pitiful. But it turns out you have only been in a coma for three months. And you did live those nine years…you just don’t remember them.

33 but your soul is 24. 33 but you don’t even know how you celebrated being a ‘quarter’ for your 25thbirthday. 33 but you don’t even have the memory of mourning your 20’s once you turned 30. 33 but you don’t even remember undoubtedly crying about the first gray hair on top of your head. 33 but you are 24. 

Every little thing about you slips through the cracks and crevices of your brain, a whole nine years of your life somehow lost inside this electric goo. You stare into the mirror and wonder about who you are now. The doctors are cautious with how much information your poor little traumatized brain receives and it’s relieving but also annoying. You imagine how overwhelming it could be to get told about nine years of your life that you have zero clue about. Would anything even sound real? But you’re also so curious.

“Alright, miss y/n.” One of the doctors, Dr. Lee, that has been working with you comes inside the room. “We just have a few more exams today and then you are free to do what you’d like.”

“You mean in the comfort of this hospital room?” You shut the compact mirror closed and toss a glance at the doctor, “If I was really free, you’d let me go home.”

“Let you go home? But then I would be so bored miss y/n.” He chuckles, coming next to you. His fingers fiddle with the IV in your arm before resting a clipboard against his chest as he writes on it. “You are keeping the other doctors and I so busy.”

“Oh really?” You narrow your eyes at him while you try to keep a playful smirk at bay. “I asked one of the nurses for some spicy chips and she totally forgot. Never got my chips!” 

“Well, according to your charts, last year you dealt with some pretty bad gastritis. Spicy chips might be your end.”

“Damn, they weren’t kidding…” You laugh to yourself before leaning your head back onto the hospital pillow. “It’s all downhill after you turn 30, huh?” 

“Hey,” Dr. Lee lift his eyes to you, his pen still working against the paper. “I’m almost 50 and my life is fantastic. You just need to eat right and exercise and you’ll—”

“—That’s fantastic? God, I could eat 3 bags of spicy chips in a row, drink an entire case of beer and somehow eat some cakes right after and I never got sick. You’re saying I can’t even eat one bag of chips now without my body complaining?” 

Dr. Lee chuckles, his head shaking as he finishes writing on the clipboard. “I’m not saying you couldn’t. I’m just saying things might be different now.”

You blow out a puff of air as you open the compact mirror again and you steal a glance at your reflection, “Yeah, no kidding.” 

“Plus, I’ve been working with your parents to get your discharge ready.” Dr. Lee sets his clipboard down and he smiles. “It seems they’ve worked out a plan with your friend, Jungkook. My guess is another day or two so bear with me miss y/n.”

“Day or two?” You groan while a smile tugs at your lips. “Why not today?”

“Because today you still have examinations!” 

“Anyway, where are my parents and Jungkook? Still at lunch?”

“No, no.” Dr. Lee shakes his head, “I believe your parents came back already but your friend had some things to do. But he did tell me to tell you he will see you later before visiting hours are over.” 

“Liar.” You scoff to yourself, “He says things to do but I bet you he’s just going home to take a nap after eating.” 

Dr. Lee tries not to frown but his lips betray him. “Well, I wouldn’t be against him getting some extra rest.” He tells you, “He has been here every single day since your accident and I’m not sure he slept very much.” And then Dr. Lee clears his throat and motions for you to get up from the bed and into the wheelchair he brought. “Anyway, let’s head to another room for your first exam. Your parents will be around when we are all done.” 

“Okay, okay.” You smile at the doctor, “Also, you know I can walk, right?”

“Ah, but this is more fun.”

~

“Can’t believe just one more day and I am out of this prison!” You yawn out as you stretch your arms over your head. “Longest two weeks of my life.”

Your mom sighs out with the roll of her eyes, “It’s been more than two weeks for the rest of us. This is nothing.” She then smiles, her hand going to your shoulder. “Anyway, it’s your last night in this hospital bed. We can celebrate?”

“Celebrate? Leaving this amazing bed?” You show her a half smile. “I am going to miss it.” You tell her sarcastically but she joins in. Where do you think you learned it from?

“I bet you are.” She nods enthusiastically. “What are these sheets? At least 600 thread count?”

“I think they’re even temperature regulated.” You glance down, your fingers spreading over the very obvious cheap cotton. “You think they’ll notice if I steal them?”

“Well,” Your mother looks over at your father who just shakes his head with a quiet chuckle. “We won’t tell on you.” She looks back at you and winks.

“Wow,” You widen your eyes at your mother and father, “Who knew my parents were such ride or dies?”

“I don’t know what that means.” You father speaks up, peeking over his book. “Does this mean we would die for you?”

“Basically.” You shrug, “You’d stick by my side no matter what.” Then you whisper dramatically, “Even when I commit crime.”

“Well, you’d be horrible at committing crime and getting away with it. Do you even notice when you have witnesses?” Your mother tilts her head towards the nurse who is just on your other side, messing with one of the machines that is connected to you.

“Ah dang.” You look at the nurse who is stifling her own laughter and say, “That is unfortunate.” 

“Don’t worry, you’ve been a favorite patient of ours.” Nurse Choi’s eyes fall to you, they’re kind yet playful. “I won’t tell either.”

“Wow.” You nod at her, impressed.

“Speaking of not telling,” Nurse Choi walks across the room and digs into a basket she brought in with her before she is pulling something out. “If you tell Dr. Lee I gave you these…” She walks back towards you when your eyes go wide in pleasant surprise when you spot the bag of spicy chips. 

“On my last day!” You reach for the chips, “I guess I can properly celebrate my last night in this prison.” Then you whip your head in your parent’s direction. “See? This is an example of a ride or die.” 

“Someone just has to sneak you some chips and you think you’re bonded for life or what?” Your mom cocks a brow at you, “I’m your mother! I am the most ride or die there is.”

“Did you sneak me chips?”

“Well, no—”

“—Mom or not…” You cut her off with a grin, “You failed your only daughter.”

“I’m sure your two sisters would love to hear that coming from you.” Your mom conceals a smile, trying her best not to crack and laugh. 

“Well, my two sisters and I haven’t spoken since I was 18 so…and according to you that hasn’t changed in the last nine years.”

Your father clears his throat, clearly feeling uncomfortable. “Anyway, sweetheart, why don’t we do something fun? Want to play a game? Watch a movie?”

“Why don’t we wait for Jungkook?” You lean back onto the bed, eyes going to your fingers as you inspect your cuticles. “He fell asleep yesterday and didn’t come in time for visiting hours.” 

“I’m glad he’s gotten some rest.” Your mom takes a deep breath. “I’ve been so worried for him, you know?” She asks this in your father’s direction. He only frowns in response. 

You feel the slight pang of guilt hit your chest, like someone is knocking against your ribcage from the inside. Jungkook, your best friend since the first week of college. That isn’t where you two met but it’s where you two finally became friends. He has been your best friend for the last six years—well, fifteen years—but nine of those years are lost on you.

“I know it hasn’t been easy on any of you…” You mumble quietly, “I’m sorry for all of this…”

“Honey, what are you doing?” Your mom’s voice is soft enough to know she feels for you but on the edge of scolding to where you know she’s serious. “The accident was not your fault. Just some asshole hit and run.” 

“Yeah but you guys had to deal with all the stress while I slept like a baby.” You try to lighten the mood with a harmless joke but your mom’s expression twists.

“Of course it hasn’t been easy. It still isn’t.” She admits, “But—”

“—But,” You father cuts in, voice soft while your mom looks at him gratefully. “What matters is that you’ve woken up. And you’re here. The rest is something we can work through…your memories will return with time but we can’t rush it…the doctor says you could get overwhelmed.”

“I know.” You sigh out, “But okay, tell me again, some of the things I want to know?”

Your parents glance at the nurse who gives an unsure smile and small nod to her head.

“Which are?” Your mom looks at you again.

“Okay, so I am working woman.” You begin counting on your fingers, “I am not married. I’m still friends with Misuk and Subin. Do I at least have a boyfriend?” You put your hand down. “Oh and I live in a house now. Wow, so adult.” 

Your mom stares at you, the expression in her eyes betray her trying smile. “All correct. You work from home though…but they aren’t expecting you to come back for some time.”

“I still cannot believe I work from home!” You suddenly smile, “That means I never have to get out of my pajamas.”

Your mom continues to stare, eyes still betraying the smile that continues to grow on her face. She looks conflicted. Another pang out guilt hits your chest. You’ve come to pick up on this specific expression…your dad has also shown you it and Jungkook has too. The expression that screams how sad they are but their smiles hold their joy.

“You okay?” You reach for your moms hand and she releases a shaky breath.

“Yes,” She shakes her head as she tries to clear her throat and show you another smile. “It’s just…you said the exact same thing a few years ago when you started working from home. Truth be told, you weren’t excited to be home all the time but you looked at the positive,” She chuckles now, “That you could wear your pajamas while working.”

“…I did?” You blink at her. Absolutely no recollection. And you know she sees the emptiness behind your eyes. “How old was I when I started working from home?”

“Uh,” Your mom looks down at her lap, her throat feeling a slight burn but she ignores it. “Oh when was it?” She wonders to herself.

“I believe you were 28.” Your father answers. He finally closes his book and sets it down to your bed. “Eh, you know us old people can’t remember every little detail.”

“Hey!” You grin at your parents as you try to lighten the mood again. “I’m the one who is supposed to have memory problems!”

Both of your parents crack a smile, “Well, that’s why you have Jungkook.” Your mom’s smile finally looks real again. “The doctor says since he is the person you’ve spent the most time with that he is probably the one who could trigger a lot of memories naturally.” 

“Well,” You lean against the hospital pillow again, “He does know me the best.”

“He does.” Your father agrees, “He’s always been a good guy and even when we couldn’t be here…he was. Every single day he came and stayed with you during your coma.”

“I know, I know.” You don’t mean to have an edge to your voice. “I feel bad about it. Obviously.”

“y/n…” Your mom’s voice is back to scolding. “You should feel blessed that you have people in your life who would do that for you.”

“I know.” You say a bit more softly this time. “How blessed am I though? I don’t even know—”

“—Why does it matter?” Your mom cuts in, cold. “You’re alive. My prayers have been answered.”

“Well, why don’t you pray that I suddenly get my memories back?”

“Maybe God intended for it—”

“—Oh please.” You say dryly. “Right, because this is the better life.”

Your mom stares at you, no smile for her sad eyes to betray. She finally tears her eyes off of you to glance at your father who offers her some sort of comforting smile. You feel the pang of guilt again. You know this has been hard on everyone but damn, you think it’s you who deserves the ‘comfort smile’.

“Anyway,” You tilt your head up towards the ceiling, eyes closed. “I think—Ow! Fuck!” You suddenly yelp when you open your eyes and the lights on the ceiling are blaring down into your eyes. You’re quick to shield your face with your hands. You forgot how sensitive you are to light now thanks to all the head trauma. 

Your mom stands just as quick, her hands on your cheeks, thumb brushing against your cheekbones. “You okay? y/n?” She sounds worried.

“I’m…I’m fine…” You lower your head again, eyes still closed as you continue to shield your face. “Sorry for cussing. I just—”

Your mother snorts to herself, “You’re 33, y/n.” 

“Oh yeah.” You laugh bitterly, “Guess so.” 

Your mom continues to stroke your skin with her thumbs, worried eyes staying on you. Your father is also gripping your ankle from over the hospital blanket. “You guys don’t need to baby me.” You finally open your eyes again, the sensitivity finally easing.

“Let us.” Your father offers a weak smile. 

“Yeah.” Your mom uses the back of her hand to barely skid over your cheek. Then she sits again. “You’ve really grown up on us and I haven’t been able to baby you in years…so let us.”

You soften at their admission. You assume she’s right. You’re technically all grown up now. Your parent’s don’t even live in Seoul but in Busan. And they’ve paused their lives to be here for you but so has—

“—Hey.” 

And just like magic, the same feeling that has drowned you for the past two weeks has returned. Jungkook looks slightly out of breath, his hand resting against the door way as he grins at you. “Hi.” You return his smile with one of your own. “Surprised you showed up. Figured you were too busy.” Then you raise your nose in the air as Jungkook chuckles while walking inside.

You are having trouble with your own reflection, yes. But you are also having trouble with this view. Jungkook is a whole nine years older than you remember. He’s filled out more, body packed with lean muscles and more tattoos that decorate his skin with his own art. His eyes are tired and his jaw is sharp and his once long hair is now short. Maturity is dripping from his features. And you are not used to it. 

“I should have figured you were going to complain that I didn’t show up yesterday.” He comes next to your parents, offering his greetings. “I’m sorry! I fell asleep and by the time I woke up the visiting hours were over.”

“God, it’s almost sad how well I know you.”

“Well, at least some things never change.” Your mom speaks up, obvious joy laced in her tone. “We were just babying our daughter. I’m sure you can guess how she was dealing with it.”

“Oh, right.” Jungkook glances at you before looking at your parents again. 

“I swear if you mock me—”

“—You don’t need to baby me!” Jungkook shows your parents an exaggerated pout on his lips, his hands wiping away imaginary tears.

“I say don’t mock me and he mocks me. Classic.” You roll your eyes but your lips curve into a satisfied smile.

“Like I said,” Your mom barely scoffs, heading shaking. “Some things never change.”

Jungkook can’t help the smile that spreads across his face, something excited but also content. He walks to the other side of the room to grab another chair and he drags it across the tiled floor until it’s placed right next to you on the side of the bed that Nurse Choi is on. Jungkook looks at her with a smile and she greets him.

“I see the best friend is here.” Nurse Choi puts a hand on your shoulder, “Okay, y/n. Your last dose of the good stuff going directly into your veins. Enjoy it because you’ll be missing it once you’re home again.” She giggles.

“Ugh,” You playfully groan, “How will I survive?” 

Everyone laughs but you blink, expression suddenly falling flat. “No, I’m serious.” 

“Oh.” Nurse Choi blinks at you in return before laughing. “Right. No worries, Doctor Lee sent over some pretty strong pain relievers to the pharmacy.”

“He did mention that….” Jungkook waits for the nurse to leave your side before he sits in the chair. “When will they be ready again? I’m the one who is picking them up.”

“Doctor Lee will have a whole set of instructions for you, Jungkook.” Nurse Choi tells him. “He—”

“Aren’t I the patient?” You wonder aloud, “Shouldn’t it be me who gets this set of instructions?”

Nurse Choi softens her features as she eyes you, “You will receive them too. But…y/n…Jungkook is going to be your main helper…right?” She glances at your parents and Jungkook. All three nod. “So, it is important he knows everything. You aren’t going to be totally adjusted for a while.”

“Really looking forward to that.” You huff out, any ounce of excitement totally void from your words. 

“Anyway, you’re all set for the rest of the day. I’ll come check on you periodically but this is pretty much it. You get to leave tomorrow! How exciting!” Nurse Choi grins at everyone in the room, “I’ll leave you all to it then.” And then she is walking away, closing the hospital room door behind her.

“So,” You release a long breath. “What even is the full plan?”

“Well,” Your father shares a look with your mom and Jungkook. “Unfortunately, your mom and I have to return to Busan…if we could stay long—”

“—No, I get it.” You cut him off softly. “You guys have an entire life to get back to.”

Your dad pauses, a solemn expression creeping on his face. “You are our life too.” He assures you. “But it’s important we all get back to a normal routine, you know?” He steals a glance at your mother who is now giving him the ‘comfort smile’. 

“We thought we could just take you to Busan until things…” Your mom trails off, unsure of her own words. “But Jungkook made a good point.”

“Which was?” You ask slowly, eyes sliding to the side as you look at Jungkook. 

“Jungkook is probably the person who could be the most help to you.” Your mom answers, almost sounding hurt that it couldn’t be her. “And your life in Seoul as well.”

“That makes sense.” You agree easily, “Jungkook has always been pretty logical.”

“Thank goodness too.” Jungkook looks at you knowingly, “One of us had to have a brain.”

“Mom? Dad?” You snap your head towards your parents, feigning annoyance. “Are you hearing this? He is insulting me!”

Your mom rolls her eyes, “We all know Jungkook saved you too many times in college. Plus, he basically had to force you to come home to Busan during the holidays. So he’s allowed an insult or two.”

“Wow.” You stare at your mom, betrayed. “Dad?”

Your father raises a hand, silently asking you leave him out of this.

“Didn’t y/n graduate because of me?” Jungkook continues to tease. “Completely different departments yet she was still having me do her homework.” 

“That was one time, Jungkook. And I was sick!” 

“You weren’t sick. You were hungover.” He deadpans.

“Anyway,” Your mom clears her throat, glancing towards her husband. “I’m craving something to drink…maybe a juice or a tea?”

“I was thinking coffee. Should I go grab us something?” You dad responds quickly, “You two want anything either?” He asks you and Jungkook.

“I’ll just go with you.” Your mom begins to stand from her chair. “I can decide when I see my options.”

“Okay.” Your father nods, standing as well. “Nothing for you both?”

“I’m good.” You glance at Jungkook who is rejecting the offer as well.

“You sure?” Your mom links her arm through your dads as they stroll out of the room. “We will be back then.” 

As soon as the rooms door has shut behind your parents, you continue to only gaze at the door. Coughing awkwardly as your eyes roam around the opposite side of the room that Jungkook occupies.

“It’s been two weeks, y/n.” You hear Jungkook mumble from beside you. “Why is it that when we’re alone you completely avoid me?”

“I’m not avoiding you.” You whistle, “Just chillin.”

“Make eye contact with me then.”

“Gross.”

“Look at me.” Jungkook sings out cutely, “Come on.”

“I’m capable.” You roll your eyes before finally shifting them in his direction. “It’s just weird.”

“How is it weird exactly?” 

“Because you look…different.” You mumble lamely as you gesture towards him. “You’re older than I remember so it’s kind of weird.”

“You’re also older than you remember.” He points out innocently but you give him an unimpressed look.

“No shit. And it’s fucking weird!” You whine, clearly making your point.

“So,” Jungkook stretches out in his seat, his long legs spreading out and lifting above the floor as you imagine he is wiggling his toes. Even with nine years having past…he still does this. “You say I look different but is different bad?” He throws a look your way, an eyebrow lifted in curiosity. 

“I never said it was bad.” Well, maybe it is…perspective. “You just look different.”

Hot. Handsome. Sexy. Cute? Adorable? Fine as hell? 

Jungkook keeps his eyes on you before he’s smirking, toes still wiggling as he finishes his stretch. “Older obviously.” 

“Mature.” You shrug. “Something like that.” Then you force your eyes to stay on his and you soften. “But you also look more tired than I ever remember.” 

“Well, it’s been a hectic few…well, yeah. I can imagine.” Jungkook chuckles, “Sorry if I’m looking rougher nowadays.” 

He’s grinning at you but the familiar wave of guilt washes against you, pushing your body uncomfortably. “I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with all this.” You motion towards yourself with a timid smile. “But according to everyone you stuck by my side the—”

“—Of course I did.” Jungkook’s brows pinch, his expression hardening. “What kind of friend would I be if you were alone in this room?”

“A bad one?” You finally comfortably lock eyes with him and smirk. 

Jungkook stares at you, his own eyes gazing and you can physically see how his features relax. “And when have I ever been a bad friend?”

You lightly scoff, tearing your eyes off his as you start counting on your fingers. “Okay, remember when you—”

Jungkook’s hands go to yours, lowering your fingers back down to your lap as you both laugh. “I should have known you’d list at least something.”

“I was only going to mention when you completely forgot about my existence when you first started dating Misuk! Remember when you canceled on some plans—”

“—That was one time! And let us not forget when you stood me up three times in a row!” Jungkook counters childishly, pout on his lips. “You were fake as hell for that.”

You blink at him before cracking a smile, “I admit I was wrong for that. You didn’t talk to me for four days. I think I went insane.”

“There is no way it was four days.”

You raise an unimpressed brow, “You and I both know—”

“—Okay, fine. It was four days.” A lopsided grin grows on his face, “I was only giving you a taste of your own medicine though.”

“How mature.” You roll your eyes before a soft smile barely turns up your lips. “That’s our biggest fight, huh?”

Jungkook parts his lips to speak but his throat grows a little dry before he manages to swallow, “Life would be way too easy if that was our biggest fight, y/n.” He tries to smile, “But that’s all ancient history now.”

You frown, voice quieter. “Well, for some of us.”

“Can I ask…how long ago was this fight for you? I don’t really remember…”

“For me?” You point at yourself, “Less than a year, probably.”

“Oh wow.” He nods, eyes lowering to his shaking knee. “It feels like a lifetime ago for me.”

“So,” You aim for a subject change. “I feel like everything has been about me and how I will adjust, blah, blah, blah…tell me about your life? You have barely mentioned anything and I am not used to a world where I don’t know every little thing about you.”

Jungkook chuckles at this, his anxious knee pausing. “In your world, you know every little thing about me?” then he continues to shake his knee up and down.

You look at him in a playful disbelief, “Are you serious? Jungkook, I even know what face you make when you really have to poop.” You laugh when he gives you the middle finger. “Well, in my reality you are working on becoming a detective. I assume with how much time has passed you are already one?”

His knee stops again. “I was, yeah.”

“Was?”

“Yeah.” He forces his lips to twist into a smile.

Your eyebrows scrunch in obvious confusion, “And you’re not…anymore?”

Jungkook continues to smile, his knee shaking again. “A lot changes in nine years, y/n.”

Before you can respond, Jungkook speaks again, “You leave tomorrow. Excited?” He’s the one aiming for a subject change now. You decide to comply.

You shrug before groaning, “I don’t know about excited.” You admit hastily. You are. But you aren’t. “I’m going home to a place that isn’t my home.” Then your eyes expand as you look at him innocently, “Apparently our apartment complex got torn down a few years ago?! Can you believe it?!”

Jungkook nods, “Ah, yeah, I remember. It got demolished a year or two after we moved out of there.”

“Unbelievable.” You slump over. “Hey.” You raise your eyes back to him, “Are we still neighbors? Like, do you live in the same neighborhood as me?”

Jungkook laughs, “Not necessarily. I live really close by you though.”

“What?!” You yell out wide eyed. “But we promised we would always be neighbors for the rest of our lives!” 

“We promised that?” He teases.

“Yes.” You tell him with a straight face, “We have been neighbors since we were kids and now we aren’t. I refuse to believe it.”

“It’s only a five minute drive. If that.” Jungkook shakes his head, “Real close to your house.”

And then you immediately brighten, “That’s right. It’s a house. How adult is that?”

He cracks a smile, “Very. I don’t live in a house though. Am I not an adult?”

“You are but a child.” You respond with no pause. “I am really glad you’ll be with me though…I am not sure how comfortable it will be navigating a place that is supposed to be my home.”

Jungkook leans back in the stiff hospital chair, legs feeling weak. “Home doesn’t have to be some building.”

“You know 33 year old me. What’s my home then?” You ask, the uncertainty, the timidness doesn’t go unnoticed by your best friend. “Because for me, 24 year old me, thinks of my home as the apartment I live in—well, not anymore—but also, with you as my neighbor.” Then you mumble, “Home is walking 3 feet to the right and knocking on your front door.”

Jungkook chuckles a little, his fingers lacing together in his lap as he leans forward in the uncomfortable chair. 

“Okay.” You groan louder, head falling into the pillow behind you as you laugh. “That was so cringe! But you get what I mean, right?”

“It wasn’t cringe, y/n.” Jungkook subtly shakes his head, his fingers detangling from one another before he starts cracking his knuckles. “Also,” He lifts his head and smirks at you. “When did you ever knock?”

“That was a cute little detail, huh?” You giggle.

“A cute little lie, yeah.” He smiles as he straightens in the chair again. “I didn’t knock either so I guess we’re even.”

~~~

“Okay.” Your mom holds you at arm’s length, her eyes investigation your face carefully. “You’re sure you’re ready to leave?” Her grip on you feels strong, she bores into your eyes but you don’t verbally answer because she already knows. She sighs before continuing, “Are you sure you don’t want us to come too?”

“It’s okay. Seriously.” You see the worry on your mother’s face. “You guys need to catch your train home. Jungkook’s got it covered!”

“I know…” Your mom glances around the packed parking lot. Eyes dancing across cars, people, street lights and even the cloudy sky. “I know he will.” She steals a quick moment with Jungkook, their eyes locking and he nods in assurance before she’s looking at you again.

“I will call you every day.” You promise your mom and dad. “Well, when I get a phone.”

“We will go tomorrow, don’t worry.” You hear Jungkook say from beside you.

“Okay.” Your mom nods. “Please take everything Dr. Lee said seriously, y/n.  Be careful with bright lights, loud sounds…and when you get one of your headaches—”

“—I know, I know.” You smile, body softly lunging forward when you bring your mother in for a hug. Her grip on you is still strong, tense even. “I’ll take things slowly. And I won’t miss one single appointment.”

You feel her relax, “Don’t push yourself too hard. And remember, if you feel like you’re remembering something…don’t force yourself to think about it too hard. Nine years is a lot and Dr. Lee is worried your brain will go into overdrive and you’ll…” She pauses, taking a deep breath. “Get too overwhelmed.”

“Slow and steady.” You lean away, “I know.” 

“Okay, my turn.” Your dad tugs at your arm, a tender smile on his face. Your mom lets you go, her worried eyes find your fathers but he only waves her off. “This is good.” He tells her before he’s got his arms wrapping around you. “We better be your first phone call.” He hugs you tightly before letting go.

“Okay, we really do need to leave.” Your mom sighs, “Jungkook.”

He nods at her, “I’ll keep you both updated.”

She smiles gratefully, “I know.”

You watch as your parent’s disappear, your heart growing slower in its beats. You have enjoyed spending the last two weeks with them. With you moving from Busan to Seoul for college years ago, seeing your parents became more and more scarce. Holidays being the center of your visits. It feels bittersweet.

“Okay, ready?” Jungkook speaks from behind you now, a hesitant hand coming to your shoulder. “To go home?”

You stare out into the parking lot, one, long breath leaving your lips slowly. “Wherever that is.” You grumble before spinning in your spot and giving Jungkook a smile. “Okay, where’s The Magnet?” You ask him, eyes roaming around again.

Jungkook blinks at you with wide eyes. “The Magnet?” He tries not to laugh. “You think after all these years I would still have the car I got in high school?” 

You mouth opens in disbelief and disappointment. “Don’t tell me he doesn’t exist anymore.” 

“I am in my thirties,” He tries to conceal his toothy grin. “That car would have killed me by now.”

“Nonsense. That car only ever wanted to help you.” You counter.

“Did you ever think that I’m the reason girls wanted me in high school? And not my car?”

“No, I know no one wanted you for your car.” You chuckle. “Trust me. That car had to grow on me. Ugly as hell. But for some reason, you managed to hook up with girls and the stories were always about how it was in the backseat of that deathtrap. He was the babe magnet.” 

Jungkook rolls his eyes, “I was in high school. It’s not like I could bring them home to my childhood bedroom. Had to do it somewhere.” He shrugs cockily.

“I never believed those rumors about my innocent little neighbor.” You laugh to yourself, remembering the old days. “You know, until I was out on a night run—”

“—Dangerous, by the way.” He cuts in quickly but you continue.

“And I see your car parked in front of your house and you getting busy with someone.” You dramatically shudder and he laughs loudly, shaking his head at the memory you claim to have seen.

“Anyway, I got rid of that car years ago. Come on,” He nods vaguely in another direction in the parking lot. “Let’s go.”

~

The air around you feels cold, stale and uninviting. You are standing in the entry way of your ‘home’…the place you apparently live. But everything feels foreign to you. Out of reach, out of place, out of your own reality. It feels like standing in a strangers home that you broke into. 

You glance around and your body feels weak when you don’t notice any evidence of 24 year old you around at all. No sign that the you that you knows even exists. And the cold, distant feeling that swallows you only grows. You understand the concept of taking things slowly. You understand the warnings you have been given. “Adjusting will take time.”  As you look around a strangers home, you feel the weight of those words. You are wondering if adjusting is even something you’ll achieve. 

“Wow,” You gulp in your spot, eyes darting from place to place. The decoration on the walls, the decorative pillows on the sofa, the lack of personal touch making this harder to believe this is your home.

Jungkook stands next to you, his own eyes taking in your place. You look over at him and he looks as lost as you feel. Like he doesn’t believe it’s your home either. But then he exhales a long breath before speaking, “I took down a few things.” He tells you. “Framed photos and other things that might feel too…” He pauses, chewing his lip as he comes up with the right wording. “…Too unreal for you.”

“Oh.” You blink at his side profile, letting his words process as you realize it might have been a good idea. You don’t recognize so much already.

“I thought if you saw memories that are not your own…it could…” He grows quieter, “I don’t know. Not exactly a natural way to trigger memories but more of a shock for you.”

You realize he is right. The idea of seeing you, yourself, in scenarios that you couldn’t even imagine because you just wouldn’t know…feels like it could send you spiraling. You understand too well now…how taking it slow truly is the smartest thing. “Yeah.” You mumble, “I don’t think seeing that would…feel very good.” You admit with a sadness in your voice. 

“Hey,” Jungkook turns towards you, his feet shuffling forward slowly. “One step at a time. I know the you that you know. And I also know the you that you don’t. I’m with you every step of the way.” He is almost whispering. His voice gone so soft and quiet like he’s trying to share secrets with you despite the fact you are both alone and no one else can hear.

“Thank you.” You slowly close your eyes, the tension in your forehead easing. “I know so much has changed in nine years,” You open your eyes again, an annoyed scoff leaving your lips. “Trust me, I can see how much everything has changed. I fucking hate it.” You try to smile but your throat feels tight as you speak. “But I am so glad nothing between us has.”

Jungkook’s fingers twitch against his thigh, the urge to touch you to offer comfort but he remains calm. “You will always be my best friend. y/n.” He continues to speak quietly.

You clear your throat, “And as my best friend,” You slide your eyes towards your living room. “Why the hell did you let me buy this ugly ass couch?” You raise a finger towards it.

Jungkook’s head whips in the direction as he snorts, the atmosphere feeling a little lighter. “I told you it was ugly.” He defends, “But you were so sold on it.” 

You finally take the real first steps into your home, your feet taking you closer to the sofa before your fingers slide against the top of it. “It must have been on clearance there is no way—”

“—Full price.” Jungkook bites down onto his bottom lip with a grin. “I’m telling you,” He follows closely behind you. “You were obsessed.”

“Wow,” You say under your breath as you continue to eye the sofa. “Turns out I’m a loser now.”

He snorts again, a pleasant rumble in his chest. “You’ve always been a loser.” He bumps into your side playfully and you roll your eyes at him. “I am too though. Isn’t that how we basically became friends?” He reminds you with a sparkle in his eyes. They’ve been dim but sometimes they light up like this.

You shrug but nod in agreement nonetheless, “I wouldn’t say we were losers but okay, kind of.” You respond, the memory so clear of your first week in Seoul, attending University for the first time. When you and Jungkook actually became friends.

“Keep exploring?” Jungkook grips the top of the couch with his hand, “Or?”

“No, yeah, let’s keep going.” Your feet slide against the floors as you take a look around. You’re impressed with your kitchen ware, that’s for sure. You’re also impressed with your well decorated bathrooms and guest room. Even your bedroom seems like something you’d like. 

Relief.

“I was worried my bedding would be totally hideous.” Your teeth dig into your bottom lip, concealing a relieved smile. “But this is cute and it feels nice.”

Jungkook stares at your comforter, his fingers barely feeling the fabric. “I liked your comforter before this better.” He mumbles, slight frown on his face. 

“Ignorance is bliss.” You shrug, “Okay. Clothes.” 

Jungkook leads you into your closet, looking a little emptier than you’d assume. “I guess when you work from home you don’t need a million outfits.” You glide your fingers over a bunch of hung clothing before you stop and examine a blouse. “Is…is this what’s in style now? Didn’t think this would come back.” You hang the shirt again and keep browsing. 

You drag your fingers against a variety of fabrics again before your fingertips alert you that they are touching something familiar. Something you do know. “Hey!” You light up immediately, hands scurrying over the hangers as you show off the shirt you’d just found. “My favorite shirt!” You hold it up, proud you still have it. Jungkook’s face falls into something uneasy. Or maybe dubiety. “You still…” He pauses, eyes still glued to the shirt. “You still have that?”

“Apparently.” You smile. “Why would I get rid of my favorite shirt? I mean,” You jiggle it around, “It’s cool. Stylish. But still so soft and comfortable that I even sleep in it!” 

“That’s because it’s a million years old.” Jungkook chuckles, though he looks tense. “I bought that shirt for a first date, didn’t I?” He wonders aloud, “But you stole it before I even got to wear it.” He laughs now, body relaxing a little. “I thought you would have gotten rid of it by now.”

“Oh,” You smirk at him, “Maybe you don’t know 33 year old me as well as you claim?”

You look back at the shirt and feel a huge wave of relief softly crash into you. Not everything has changed.

You and Jungkook head back into the living room, taking a seat on the couch you claim to hate so much as you continue to chat. It is the strangest sensation…speaking with someone you feel like you know but the Jungkook you know isn’t the one sitting with you now. It feels familiar, of course. But still strange. Still strange to see Jungkook as a man. Just like yourself, he is the same but different. 

“Well,” You lean against the couch cushion. “It’s Tuesday. We should probably get ready for dinner, right?

Jungkook rests against the couch as well, sitting in the spot he claimed is ‘his’. “Sure. Is there anything you’re craving?”

You almost want to punch him in the face! How dare he ask a question with an answer as obvious as this. Your brows pull together as you speak slowly, “Uh, it’s Tuesday.” 

The look on his face tells you he is not understanding. So you repeat, trying not to sound too annoyed. “It’s Tuesday, dude.”

He looks around for a moment, still a little confused before it hits him. “Ah,” He opens his mouth when he realizes. “You want barbeque and soju.” 

Bingo.

“Well, yeah.” You say with a little attitude. “It’s our tradition.” You remind him, “One of them…we haven’t broken it in years. Right?” You ask the question but you’re starting to realize you know the answer and it just feels like another thing you cannot accept.

“Right, right.” Jungkook answers carefully but you see through it.

“So have we?”

He sighs out, softening. “It’s just…it’s harder to keep up with so many things nowadays.”

You knew it. Your heart pinches and the sting is lingering in your chest. “Do we still have movie nights every Sunday?”

“Um,” He looks around awkwardly and you don’t even want an answer anymore. “It has been a while.”

You huff out, knowing yourself well enough to know you feel hurt right now but you try to keep it light. “Wow, getting older is stupid.” You force a laugh. “Life really got to us, huh?”

“To everyone.” He gives you a smile. “Also, you know damn well you aren’t allowed to have alcohol.”

“A girl can dream.” 

Jungkook orders take out for you both and within an hour, you’re eating happily on your ugly sofa. Your favorite place from college is still kicking and no recipes have changed. It tastes as good as you remember.

“Subin,” Jungkook points his phone in your direction, showing you the screen. “Says that her and Misuk will get here around 5pm tomorrow. And,” He taps the screen so it lights up again since it’s dimmed. “She’s,” He reads the text. “Never been more ready to see her oh my god!” He quotes one of your besties in a high pitched voice.

You can’t help but giggle, “I’m excited too. Sucks they couldn’t visit in the hospital.”

“Because—”

“—I know.” You say softly. “I have to ease into life, I get it.”

“Yeah.” He nods, sliding his phone away from him on the couch.

“My life is lame though. I still want to know more about yours!”

“My life is probably more lame than yours.” He tells you and you snort. “I’m serious!”

“Still,” You grow more serious, “I’m curious, you know? You could start with telling me what happened with the whole detective thing?”

Regret visits you immediately when you see Jungkook’s face pale and his expression growing distant. “Um,” He shakes his knee up and down, eyes darting in every direction. He does not want to talk about it. 

“Forget it.” You smile, voice gentle. He sighs, relaxing once again because you saved him from a conversation he might just not be in the mood for. “What else?” You ask. “Do you…uh, do you have a girlfriend? Or wife? You are old.”

“You’re old too.” He deadpans then shakes his head. “But no. Not really in the place for that right now.” 

“What a pair of besties, huh?” You begin to joke. “Both going to die alone.”

He laughs, “I forget you used to be more cynical. But anyway,” He lifts his legs onto the sofa, getting more comfortable. “If it’s too much for you, feel free to tell me to fuck off but…where exactly are you all at? With your memories and um, the point of life you’re in, I guess.”

“Ah, that’s mostly easy.” You tell him, brushing off any concerns he has. “When I woke up some of the things I remember thinking is that I’ll be 25 soon and what I plan on doing to celebrate but also, I remember I have a wedding to go to in a few weeks.” 

“Wedding?” Jungkook thinks about it for a moment. “Wait…Sana’s wedding?”

“Yeah!” 

“So that’s where you’re at.” Then he smiles at nothing. “That’s interesting.”

“Is it?” You tilt your head but Jungkook chuckles to himself, looking playful. 

“Anyway,” He yawns, “Tomorrow we will get you a new phone since yours wasn’t recovered in the accident. Is there anything else you want to buy while we’re out?”

“Besides groceries?”

“Besides groceries.”

“Not really.” You say until you’re yawning yourself. “You know, maybe 33 year old me was onto something. This couch is comfortable as hell.”

“Yeah, it is.” He gazes at you, smile forming. “Do you know how many nights you have slept on this couch instead of a bed?”

“I’m so loyal to this thing.” You pat the cushion until your eyes go wide. “Oh my god,” Your fingers rub over the couch material. “This stain looks awful.” 

Jungkook raises his brows before his eyes follow your hand and he goes still. He stares at the stain you pointed out and you notice immediately. He tries to lick his lips but it feels like even his tongue has dried out. 

“Jungkook?” You call out for him but he continues to stare and you notice when his eyes look glossy. “You okay?”

Jungkook blinks repeatedly for a moment, shaking himself out of his thoughts before he looks up at you. “Yeah, sorry.” He laughs awkwardly, “It’s just…um, someone spilled hot chocolate on the couch a few years ago and it never came out. You were so mad.” He laughs for real now but a sadness still lurks.

“Jungkook are you—”

He sniffles to himself, trying his best to smile for you. “Sorry if it seems like I’m getting a little emotional. It’s just harder than I thought…I see so much evidence of a life you’ve lived but you don’t remember much of it.”

The pinch your heart feels this time almost makes you flinch. You’re both quiet, mutual understanding how complex this all feels. Your eyes drop back down to your hand, fingers still rubbing the cushion. While you see a stain…Jungkook sees a story.

~~~

“The wild thing is that we never notice when quality of stuff is actually getting better because it’s so gradual! But dude!” You keep snapping photos with your new phone. You already have pictures of the sky, trees and even one selfie you aren’t proud of. “Nine years and I can tell you the camera quality is nothing like I remember! But,” You go into the photo library and eye the selfie you took. “Maybe it’s too good. I need it blurrier. I was prettier when the camera sucked more.”

You can hear Jungkook laughing from your kitchen before he yells out, “I’ll buy you a shitty camera if that makes you feel better.”

You roll your eyes, finger still swiping as you view pictures you’ve taken today, you mumble, complaining to yourself. “No, y/n, how could you say you don’t look absolutely breathtaking in your phone from the future? You’re the most gorg—”

“—I can hear you.” Jungkook says from behind you, giddiness in his voice. “And I never said you weren’t pretty.” 

You jump in your spot, body whipping in his direction. “Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”

Jungkook brings a hand to his chest, feigning his hurt. “I’d never do that to your heart.” He then walks around the couch to take a seat with you. “Alright, you’ve taken your medicine for the day but remember two of them you take at night as well.”

“I know.” You go back to looking at your new phone. 

“We have a few hours to kill before Subin and Misuk get here…I was thinking we could watch a movie. You haven’t seen any new movies since 2014 so this is going to be fun.” He grabs the remote for your TV and pulls up Netflix. “Movies, shows, music…all great things to trigger memories!” 

“Are you going to play one of my favorites that I don’t even know about?”

“Yes.”

You narrow your eyes at your best friend who starts browsing the catalog, “And you swear you aren’t going to show me a movie you love and claim I love it, right?”

He pauses his browsing before he turns his head to you, his lips curving into something devious. “Okay, well now I’m not.” He admits completely shamelessly.

“Idiot.” You chuckle, watching as he goes back to looking for something to watch. After a few minutes of Jungkook talking to himself as he decides on which movie, you decide to propose something to him. “Hey…” You call out softly, urging him to give his attention to you instead.

And he looks at you immediately. “Hm?”

“Last night…after you left.” You begin, a warmth spreading across your chest as you suddenly feel a bit embarrassed. “Being alone here…uh, I don’t know, it kind of felt like I was in a house with ghosts and none of them want me here.” 

Jungkook’s brows furrow, pity etched on his face before he nods, trying his best to understand. 

“And I just think…” You try to continue, but you keep trailing off, hoping he’s getting it. “You know, that maybe, I don’t want to…be…” You gesture around, warmth spreading to your neck and up your ears and finally on your cheeks.

“Alone?” He asks.

You gulp as if that is your entire response. And he knows.

“I get that.” He tells you, “I can stay with you tonight.”

“Really?” You ask him, feeling shy all the sudden and it makes you laugh internally. “Okay, thanks.”

It’s almost 5 now and unfortunately no movie triggered anything. You’re a little disappointed but it’s okay. It’s just day two of returning to life. Plus, how can any feeling of disappointment linger for too long when you’re buzzing in excitement. Seeing two of your closest friends. Misuk and Subin.

You met Misuk your sophomore year of college and she was in the same department as Jungkook before he switched. You met her because she, for a brief period of time, was Jungkook’s girlfriend. They broke up mutually, understanding there wasn’t more than just friendship between the two. 

Although, Misuk gave you her true reasoning. You laughed about it then but as you’ve gotten older you realize maybe she was right. Regardless, she still stands by it…that friendship was better. 

You are the one who brought Subin into your small circle. You met her around the same time because of a mutual elective and she fit in with you, Jungkook and Misuk like a glove. Your friendship with the two girls is something you treasure and you’re so happy to know that it hasn’t changed all these years later.

You get taken from your thoughts as you reminisce about your friends when your front door is being gently knocked. You rise from the sofa and take a deep breath as your eyes find Jungkook’s. You feel nervous for some silly reason but so does he. You reckon you’re rubbing off on him. 

You both go towards your front door and you open it. Door swinging towards you, a fresh gust of air blowing through and your lips part at the view. Well, damn. Everyone looks different.  

Subin used to be a make-up fanatic, no matter the day or the event she always had some glamorous look. Her hair used to be long and always decorated in bows and clips. But now, her face is bright, natural and free of anything and her hair…a whole ass pixie cut. 

Misuk looks more like how you remember but instead of the bob she always had, her hair falls down to the middle of her back but her style is more or less the same. 

“y/n!” Subin shrieks in excitement before she throws her hand over her mouth, eyes wide in terror. “Oh my god.” She lowers her hand as she panics. “I know loud noises are—”

“—Are you hugging her first or me?” Misuk cuts Subin off, “Hurry.”

Subin bites her lip and offers you a look of apology. “Me, please.” She raises a hand cutely. 

You crack a smile at your friends before you open your arms, offering some affection. You kind of questioned it was even them…so many changes but you realize their voices, their gestures…it’s them. 

Subin is quick to grin at you, her arms wrapping around your middle as she sways you gently from side to side. “You look great.” She tells you before pulling away. 

Misuk is quick to hug you herself, her body stays still unlike Subin, but her hands rub at your back. “You really do.” She says, pulling back now. “I thought you’d still have cuts and bruises and I don’t know,” She pinches your cheek, “Like ten casts on your body and looking like a total badass.” 

“A badass?” You giggle, throat feeling tight because suddenly this is strange. Like everything is.

“Of course.” Misuk nods, “I was going to tell everyone that you fought off an entire gang and won.” And then she gestures towards you, “And though you made it out alive, you still, you know…” She tries not to laugh but Subin starts giggling and so Misuk cracks as well. “Is that not a good story?”

“No, it’s way cooler.” You sniff, lips spread into a smile. “Come in!”

You step back, letting the girls in and they both slip their shoes off, glancing around your home and also seeing Jungkook here behind you. 

“Hi Subin.” Jungkook gives her a closed lip smile and a small wave to his hand.

Subin returns his smile, her eyes going to Misuk before she looks at Jungkook again and she gives him a quick hug. “Hey.” She greets sweetly.

“Misuk.” Jungkook looks at your other friend now too, his stance less relaxed than before. She barely even looks at him as she brushes past you all and goes to your couch. 

“Wow,” She whistles out, “This place looks so empty without your millions of photos.” 

“Uh, yeah.” You follow everyone into your living room. “Better that way.”

Misuk keeps looking around, “I guess.” 

Everyone kind of stands around, unsure of what to say. You can understand…they probably don’t know what to talk about. They’re aware of the fact you’re living in a different time than them but all you want is some normalcy. But this atmosphere isn’t that.

“Anyone want tea?” Jungkook suddenly asks. “I could go make some.”

“Oh!” Subin lights up, “I’d love—”

“—Why are you even here?” Misuk looks over at Jungkook. You’d think she’s glaring but that would not make sense. “We’re here. You don’t have to keep an eye on y/n. We got it.”

Jungkook’s jaw slightly clenches, his eyes on Misuk’s. She doesn’t look away, instead she raises her brows at him, as if urging him to answer the question. 

“Do you want tea or not?” He asks her with a low voice.

“Why don’t you ask me something I actually want to answer.” She responds, voice as low. “Like, ‘do you want me to leave or not?’ because then yes, yes I would.” 

Jungkook’s eyes go to the ceiling for a moment, his tongue pushing against his cheek. You look between your two friends and the strange feeling from earlier has transitioned into discomfort. Jungkook finally releases a long breath, his eyes going to you and Subin now. “I’ll make the tea.” 

“T-Thanks.” Subin’s worried eyes go between Jungkook and Misuk.  

Misuk rolls her eyes, her lips pressing into one another before she shrugs. “I guess we’re having tea.”

“Misuk.” Subin says her name carefully but you know a warning when you see one.

“What?” 

She quickly shakes her head and smiles at you now, “You know Misuk can get moody when she hasn’t eaten all day!”

“Have you not eaten today?” You glance at Misuk, feeling worried. “It’s dinner time already!”

Misuk takes a seat on the sofa and Subin plops down right next to her, “I was stuck in meetings all day. Had no time.” She shrugs, “Plus, Subin has no excuse.”

You look at Subin now, clearly puzzled. “Have you not eaten either?” But she only waves you off cutely.

“I have.” She confirms. “I’m just on a diet!”

“Why are you on a diet?” You eye her over. Nine years later and she still has an incredible figure.

“I have wedding photos next week and I want to look amazing.” She pouts. “Since I’m not having an actual fancy wedding I only really need to worry about these photos.” 

Your jaw drops in slow motion, “You’re getting married?!”

Then Subin blushes, suddenly looking shy yet giddy. “Right, sorry. That would be new information for you…I’m so sorry.” 

“No, no. Congrats.” You can’t help it when your lips turn up. “That’s incredible…honestly.”

“Thank you. Um, his name is Garam and we’ve been together for around four years now?” She continues to blush, “And you guys get along well. Well, you will.” She rushes to correct herself, “Um, when you meet…again.”

“Right.” Your mind returns to this unknown place. You look at Misuk now. “What about you? Married? Single?”

“Definitely not married.” She chuckles, “But…” She pauses before smirking. “Not entirely single either though?”

“Oh?” You wiggle your brows, “Who is the lucky man?” 

Misuk bites onto her top lip, a bashful looking smile spreading. “Woman, actually.”

“Huh?” Your eyebrows climb to your hairline, lips parting as you blink at your friend over and over. “Wow.” You start to slowly nod your head, “A lot does change in nine years.”

The room goes silent for a few awkward moments, you three girls exchanging blank stares and then suddenly Subin is the first to bust out an unattractive laugh before you and Misuk join her. Immediately so much tension in the room breaking and falling away. 

All three of you are basking in your own laughter and each other’s. Suddenly, things feel more like the old days. “You’re into girls now. Noted.” You conceal your teasing smile but Misuk shakes her head.

“I’m into boys too!” She tells you. “That hasn’t changed. But I don’t know, out of nowhere I realized they aren’t the only ones.”

You snort, “So is it serious?”

“Not at all.” Misuk shrugs, “But it is fun.”

“I did not see this coming.” You start trying to think of college and after and what hints there might have been.

“That’s true.” Subin giggles, “When Misuk first told us, you,” She points at you. “Literally choked on fried chicken while I—”

“While she pointed at me and said ‘I knew it’” Misuk fills you in. “I swear she didn’t though.”

“You literally said my ex roommate was so hot you wanted her to ride your face.” Subin raises a brow, “One time, okay. But you said is every time you saw her and I said to myself. ‘yeah, she ain’t straight.’” 

You fall back into the couch cushion, shoulders shaking as you laugh. “No way.” 

“Oh wow.” Subin stares at you with soft eyes. “I can’t really remember the last time I saw you laugh like that. Or smile this much.”

You relax, smile still on your lips. “Hm?”

She shares a look with Misuk, her eyes looking watery when she gazes at you again. Subin is known for crying easily but you see actual hurt on her features but also relief. “You look so…” She pauses and sighs out. “Bright eyed? Happy?” Then she looks at you even more softly. “It’s nice.”

“It is nice.” Misuk says quietly. “Really nice.”

“Okay?” You look between them, feeling unsure of their words. “I—”

“—Okay, I made tea. It’s still really hot but you all can help yourself whenever. Um,” Jungkook comes into the living room, hands on the back of the couch right behind you. “I actually need to run a quick errand.” Then his hand finds your shoulder and he gives you a gentle squeeze. “Be back.”

Subin sings out a ‘See ya later’ while Misuk checks her phone. You watch as Jungkook leaves, the door shutting quietly behind him. You turn your attention back to the girls, a frown pulling at your lips.

“I hope he didn’t leave because Misuk was being moody…” You mumble more to yourself.

“Moody.” Misuk scoffs before she glares at Subin. 

You exhale a deep breath, “Everything feels so different. I didn’t think things would feel so…” You feel your throat getting tight but you swallow hard, opening some space. “Lots of changes.”

“Things…have changed.” Subin smiles. “It’ll get easier once you…” She stops to nibble on her lips, she realizes no words will really help. She can’t imagine what you’re experiencing. 

“Have things changed,” You gesture between you three. “Between us?”

Subin and Misuk share a look, both harboring strange expressions. Because everything is strange.

“Yeah.” Subin decides to admit, “But that’s normal. We just aren’t,” She looks at Misuk for help and internally groans when Misuk doesn’t pick up on it. “Well, we aren’t as close as back in the day.”

“Oh.” Another pinch to your heart. 

“But hey,” Misuk finally speaks, “That’s what happens when you get older, you know? Everyone has their lives. It’s completely normal, I promise.”

You know that something like that is normal. But reality is much harsher than you were anticipating. 

~

It’s dark outside. The sun hiding away. You don’t blame it since you also want to hide away. You have a random blanket wrapped around your body as you sink deeper into the couch, only the sounds of your breaths and the ticking of a clock that hangs on the living room wall. 

Misuk and Subin left a little while ago and Jungkook is still gone. You’re here in a house you don’t know with ghosts who don’t want you. It’s lonely. You want to convince yourself that the thing causing your lonesome is the empty house but you know it’s because everything you know doesn’t exist anymore and you’re stuck in that place. The place of the past. 

Except for you it isn’t the past. 

Finally, your head snaps up when you hear Jungkook opening the front door. He looks confused as he glances around, “Why are you in the dark?” He asks you, his fingers feeling up the wall as he finds the light switch. The light comes on suddenly and you yelp. 

“The light!” You whine, head falling into your hands. “Too much, too much.”

Jungkook’s eyes expand, panic filling them as he rushes to flip the switch off. “Fuck. Sorry, sorry.” He mutters quickly, feeling bad about it. “I forgot, I’m so sorry.” 

You try to laugh a little, “Hey, I’m the one who is supposed to forget stuff, not you, buddy.”

Jungkook rubs his temples, worry still written all over his face. You don’t see it but you know. The only light on is one from a hall way so warm light barely spills enough into the living room…enough to guide Jungkook to you. He sits right next to you on the sofa and with no thought his hands go to either of your cheeks. 

“You okay?” He asks you soothingly. “I’m so sorry…fuck, I really…”

His fingers on your skin feels familiar. Of course it does. The familiarity makes your head feel woozy though. “I am.” You look at him in the dark. “It’s okay. It calms down pretty quickly. But my head does hurt…”

“Have you taken your night dosage yet?” He asks, thumbs stroking both cheeks. You shake your head no in his hold. “I told you 9pm didn’t I? It’s almost 10.” 

“I don’t think one hour is a huge deal difference.”

“It is.” He scolds you, finally dropping his hands from your face. “You have to take this seriously.”

“Okay, okay.” You groan, wrapping the blanket tighter. “I just…can I relax for one second?”

Jungkook tilts his head, his worried expression only growing. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” You snap. “Seriously, just…” 

“Hey,” Jungkook’s voice softens and it immediately relaxes you more. “Are you feeling okay? You have headache…anything else?”

You close your eyes in defeat, body falling against the cushions again. “Everything else.” Your voice cracks, “I feel so fucking stressed. I…” 

“I know this must be hard for you.”

“I barely got told any life altering things today about some of the things I’ve missed…and Jungkook, the doctor was right. Even that…” Your throat burns as you speak. “I’m so fucking overwhelmed with everything.”

“I—”

“—And,” you continue to vent. Your eyes stinging now as well. “I just don’t know how I can handle more…I don’t want to.”

Jungkook’s heart breaks at this. He knows how hard you’ve been trying and he wishes he could make it easier for you.

“y/n…” He rubs your arm over the blanket. “Nine years is a lot. You have plenty of time to adjust. Day by day…step by step. I’m here with you. For all of it.” He swallows hard. “I promise all of it.”

“Yeah?” You wipe at your nose, your eyes and nose feeling a little leaky. 

“Yeah.” He tells you earnestly, his body pressing against yours when he leans in to hug you. He feels warm against you, firm too. You’re still wrapped in the blanket so you don’t hug him back but his scent that suffocates you feels enough like you are. 

This is the first time Jungkook really hugs you since you’ve woken up. He hugged you briefly when you woke from the coma but you didn’t totally register it at the time. Now you are. His scent floods your nostrils so heavily that you think his scent now fills up your veins. It’s all so familiar. Old and new.

~~~

The next few days go by slowly—in a good way—things feel a bit better than before. You and Jungkook have spent your time at home, cooking together and watching more movies and TV shows. He even shows you music you apparently love, even adding, “I wish I was you! You’re so lucky you’re wiped of remembering this album and listening to it again like the first time.” And you replying with a snort, “Did you just call me lucky for having amnesia?” and then you adding, “God, why couldn’t my brain wipe out all of the Avatar the last Airbender series so I could watch it again like it’s the first time.”

It goes like this and it feels so pleasant. Yes, fucking pleasant. 

But pleasantries don’t last forever. 

You and Jungkook wrap up the night, changing into pajamas and washing up for bed. You’re returning from the kitchen with a glass of water when you see Jungkook fluffing up a pillow before getting comfortable to sleep on the couch.

“Why do you sleep out here? Why don’t you sleep in the guest room?” You point down the hall, “Don’t you—”

“No, it’s okay.” Jungkook mumbles, his eyes focusing on the hallway from where he lays. “Um, not a fan of that bed so I will just sleep here.” 

You eye him curiously before shrugging it off. “Whatever you say. Night,” You sing out cutely, “See you tomorrow.”

“Don’t forget I’ll be busy tomorrow and won’t see you until the evening.” Jungkook reminds you, “I already bought the wine for movie night tomorrow. Since it’s Sunday after all.”

“Not fair that you can drink and I can’t.” You groan, “But anyway, what are you doing on a Sunday?”

“I just have things to take care of.” He responds simply. “You’re hanging out with Subin during the day right?”

“Yes, yes.” You roll your eyes. “Don’t worry, Subin is willing to babysit me.”

“It isn’t like that.” Jungkook frowns, “You know that.”

“I know.” You soften, “Night, Jungkook.”

~

Another thing that is taking some time to get used to is all the differences throughout the city of Seoul. New shops, restaurants, cafes…the list goes on. Of course lots of places and things you do recognize but so much new, new, new. 

Subin drove the both of you to a favorite restaurant of hers with a ‘to die for breakfast selection’, saying she only found it a few months ago so even 33 year old you isn’t familiar with it. Which somehow feels relieving. 

You’re both seated at a small table against a window, menus in hands as you wait for the server to come to you both for your orders. It feels nice being out, the feeling of a friend showing you a new place is almost normal. It’s not a place you’re supposed to know and that’s a great thought. 

“I really need to pee. Bathroom?” You look up from the menu, eyes on Subin.

“Oh,” She lifts a hand to point behind her. “Down that way! Do you know what you want? If the server comes before you’re back I can order for us.”

“Oh, fantastic.” You grin, setting the menu down and sliding it in front of her. “I want this.” You point excitedly. “But can you ask for the potatoes to be extra crispy.”

“You got it.” She offers a thumbs up.

You get up quickly to head to the bathroom. After you finish using the toilet, you stand in front of the bathrooms mirror at the sink, washing your hands. A heavy feeling is pushing against your forehead and you curse yourself for forgetting to bring extra pain relievers. Maybe it’s because of the florescent lights in here and they’re messing with you.

Once you make it back to the table, you rest your head in your hands. “Head is killing me.” You explain before Subin can even ask. She chews on her lips, feeling bad about your state. “Did you order?” You raise your head again, hoping the pressure on the other side of your skull eases.

“I did!” Subin smiles at you. “We will be eating delicious food in no time.”

“I cannot wait.” You return her smile. “So, your wedding photos are this coming week, right?”

“Ugh, yes.” Subin squeals quietly on the other side of the table. “Today is my one cheat meal so don’t judge me.”

“Right, right.” You chuckle, “So is there a reason you guys aren’t having a wedding?”

“Garam and I?” She points at herself innocently. “Well, we don’t really want to make a huge thing about it. We’re going to do it the easy, simple way. No wedding.” She shrugs, soft smile pulling up her lips. “The photos are our fancy time.”

You frown at her words, “But you always talked about your dream wedding…”

“Oh.” She blinks at you before cracking another smile. “I guess I used to, huh? Ah, well, I am way more practical nowadays.” 

You hate the feeling inside your chest. Like this is another thing you don’t want to accept. “Everyone is so different…” You mumble, eyes going to the water on the table. 

“Not completely!” Subin rushes to say, her cheery voice still intact, trying her best to steer you away from disappointment. “For example…” She starts thinking, “According to what you know about me…you know, as a 24 year old…what do you think I ordered for breakfast?”

You immediately sigh out, not even wanting to answer.

“Oh, come on.” Subin grins, pushing you to answer. “No matter where I go I always got the same thing, right?”

You sigh again. “Two blueberry pancakes. Exactly three slices of bacon. Scrambled eggs…runny. And of course, a very random side of shredded cheese.”

“It’s not random! It’s for the eggs and you know this!” Subin pouts at you playfully. 

You shake your head but you can’t control when your lips twitch to smile. “Anyway,”

You both continue chatting for a little while longer. She tells you more about Garam and how they met and fell in love. It’s still strange hearing all of this when you’re already supposed to know it. But since you aren’t directly involved it feels…manageable. 

Suddenly, Subin’s eyes light up when she notices the server coming with the food behind you. And the next thing you know, plates of food are now on the table, both in front of you and Subin and it smells delicious.

“Anything else?” The server asks, her voice kind and patient.

You look at the food and sigh in contentment before looking up to respond, “No I think—“ But you come to a sudden halt the moment your eyes meet hers. It’s almost immediate when your brows pull together in confusion, maybe concentration. She looks at you with a similar expression.

“O-Okay.” She nods quickly. “I-If that’s—that’s all then I…” She blinks down at you, something unsettling falling on her features. 

You can’t look away from her face. There is something so familiar about this woman. But not familiar in the way that you actually know. No, familiar in a way that you have yet to uncover. You glance to her name tag…’Nabi’. And swallow hard. You don’t know that name? You don’t know her. But it feels like there is a memory that lingers annoyingly on your tongue like a flavor you can’t quite pin. But it isn’t enough.

“Do I know you?” You blurt without much realization.

Nabi’s eyes go wide before she’s shaking her head and forcing an awkward smile, “Oh, no. No. I probably have one of those faces, you know?” She laughs now. You watch her carefully before giving a curt nod.

“Okay, sorry.” You look back down at your food and then to Subin and you smile at her. “Let’s dig in.”

A man comes to the table as well, handing Nabi another plate while she takes it and sets it down in front of Subin. “Your side of shredded cheese.” She stares at you both for another moment before walking off.

You look down at what Subin ordered and you roll your eyes playfully at her and she winks at you.

“Didn’t I say some things don’t change?”

~

You’ve spent the entire day with Subin. You two walked around the city, went to some parks, got sweet drinks and snacks and gushed about the beautiful weather. You’re tired though, you’ll admit. Today has been an event and you cannot wait to walk through your front door and be lazy on your couch. 

It’s already after 7 when you make it home again, the sun setting and quiet hoots of owls nearby. You see Jungkook’s car parked out front and you feel giddy that he is already here and no doubt waiting for you. A long day of activity and sitting on the couch watching movies with your best friend while he drinks wine sounds like a great night. (Even if you don’t get to partake in the drinking.)

“Hello!” You call out as you walk through the front door. “I’m home!” 

“In the kitchen!” You hear Jungkook call out from the distance.

You make your way further into the house, light footsteps dancing across the floor until you’re in the kitchen. Jungkook is sitting at the counter, a glass of wine next to his laptop that he’s buried himself in. When he hears you approach, his lifts he eyes to you. And you see his immediate smile.

“Hey.” He pushes down onto the laptop, closing it. “How was your day?”

You walk to the side of the counter he is on and you take a seat next to him. “Long. Fun. Good. Weird. Fuzzy. Headaches. Good food. The weath—”

“—Headaches?” Jungkook’s lips tug down. “Still? Or have they gotten better throughout the day?”

“More or less.” You shrug. “I can’t wait to take my medicine at 9 though.”

Jungkook chuckles, “I’ll make sure you take them.” He raises his fingers to your cheek, they barely skid your skin but it’s enough to feel like the temperature has gone up. You glance down at the countertop quickly as you nod. 

He drops his hand, “You okay?”

“Duh.” You force a smile as you stand from the chair. “Aren’t we watching a movie now?”

The third movie of the night is on and Jungkook is on his fourth glass of wine. He’s giggly and losing his perception of personal space. It never really bothered you much until…well, it still doesn’t bother you. 

“Why are your hands always cold!?” Jungkook whines, his fingers wrapping around yours. “I feel like I’m holding onto five icicles.” He says while raising your hand up.

“You’re the one who keeps touching my thermostat.” 

“You know I like to sleep cold.”

“Same.”

“Then don’t complain.”

“I’m not complaining.”

“Feels like you’re complaining.”

“Hey,” You escape his hand, freeing your freezing fingers. “Can I ask you something?”

Jungkook gazes at you, his eyes are so big and wonderous and you see the little boy from a million years ago.

“Hm?” He hums while reaching over his other side and throwing a blanket at you. You get cozy quickly, feeling grateful for the warmth and even almost forgetting your question. “Hm?” He hums again.

“Oh yeah.” You chuckle. “Okay, I’m curious…what’s your favorite memory with me?” 

Jungkook’s expression shifts subtly, eyes on you. “A memory you’d actually know, right?” 

“Yeah.” You nod before growing soft and hopeful. “You can tell me your other favorite memory of you and me if I get my memories back.”

“When.” He corrects you as gentle as possible. “But okay…” He leans back into the sofa, eyes on the ceiling. “I got it.” He smiles to himself.

“What is it?” You lean towards him, interest piqued. His eyes slide towards you before he smirks. “You have to tell me Jungkook!”

“I mean…do I have to?” He teases you. He keeps his gaze on you, watching for all your reactions to his teasing. You whine and pout and when he continues to be secretive you pinch him. “Ow! Okay! Okay!” He rubs his arm.

“Heh.” You look at him, clearly pleased. A warmth still spreading across your body.  He’s still the same Ribbit, you think. 

“Okay, I don’t know if it’s actually my favorite favorite…but it’s the first thing that came to mind.” Jungkook informs you, “Remember when I told you I wanted to apply for the police academy instead of finishing at the University?”

“Of course I remember.” You mumble, cute pout forming. “I was devastated we wouldn’t attend school together anymore.” 

Jungkook breaks into a grin at that, “I know.”

“My devastation is your fav—”

“—No, no.” Jungkook chuckles. “After my first day of the academy, I remember when…”

You feel heat creep up every inch of skin because you know exactly what he’s going to say. So long ago and you’re still embarrassed.

Jungkook continues when he sees the shame on your face and he tries to conceal his teasing smile. “When I walked out of one of the buildings I saw you coming towards me and—” He tries to speak but he can’t help but laugh now. “Fuck,” He starts cackling by himself while you shrink in shame.

“Shut up.” You groan loudly. “You know I was just trying to be funny!” 

“Sure, yeah.” He tries to calm down, huge smile on his face still. “I’m not sure I thought it was hilarious in the moment.” He admits, eyes growing a little darker but only for a moment. “But eventually yeah, that shit has me dying when I think about it.”

“It was your first day.” You mope in your spot next to him. “I knew how nervous you were, Jungkook. I thought it would…make you feel better?” 

“You thought showing up on my first day of the academy in a sexy detective costume was what would make me feel better?” He starts cracking up again. 

“I thought it was funny.” You groan again, cheeks on fire at this point. 

“Funny.” He shakes his head, teeth poking out as he smiles. “My classmates thought you were trying to seduce me.” 

“Well, your classmates didn’t know shit.” You pout defensively. 

Jungkook keeps grinning like a fool, the memory still making him laugh. “But I guess your goal to make me laugh worked because once I registered what the hell you were doing, I couldn’t stop laughing.”

“Yeah.” You glance away, annoyed. “I recall. You told everyone about it and everyone made fun of me. Glad to know me being embarrassed as fuck is one of your favorite memories.”

Jungkook snorts, his features softening before his fingers come to your cheek again. “It’s a favorite of mine because you were willing to do something like that just to ease my nerves.”

Speaking of fucking nerves. Yours are free falling in your belly. “I guess that’s a better answer.” You say quietly, eyes having a hard time staying on him. 

“Hey,” His fingers brush against your skin. “You know I would do something like that for you too, right?” He smiles. It’s gentle. Honest. “I would really do anything for you.”

And just like that, that feeling you’ve been drowning in for the past few weeks continues. 

That’s right…nine years have passed. You are apparently 33 but woke up with only the memories of the first 24 years of your life. Memories that bring feelings that drown you. You woke up with the memories of that time of your life and the feelings. 

Your brain erased so much so why couldn’t it have erased this too? 

For you, you are 24. And at this point in your life you are disgustingly in love with your best friend. The man in front of you now. And the familiar ache of yearning resides deep inside your chest, like it never left at all.

“Hey, Jungkook?” You call out for him softly, he hums in response as he drops his hand from your face. “We are still best friends, right?” 

Jungkook pushes his head back in slight disbelief that you’d even ask that, “Of course.” He grows a little more serious. “We will be for the rest of our lives. No matter what.” He states like it is a promise.

Yeah, the ache returns and the art of yearning is painting a mix of wild colors across a canvas, a piece of art one day worthy for the Louvre.

“I’m by your side forever, y/n.” He says more softly now.

Well, fuck. Just one more stroke of the brush against this canvas…and you might crumble.

[minnies-recs]

Already in love with this. So much suspense and mystery. Great idea and execution ❤️