merry christmas, have some ironic strider bullshittery
[dave] [rose]
#oH MY GOD #OH MY GOD??? #SEND HELP #THAT SANTA HAS LITERALLY NEVER BEEN MORE TERRIFIED IN HIS ENTIRE LIFE #’AND WHAT DO /YOU/ WANT FOR CHRISTMAS’ HE ASKS AS ROSE PERCHES DAINTILY UPON HIS KNEE #’I’D JUST LIKE MOMMY TO LOVE ME AGAIN’ SAYS ROSE ‘IT HASN’T BEEN THE SAME SINCE DADDY LEFT’ #’SIS YOU KNOW YOURE NOT SUPPOSED TO TALK ABOUT DADDY’ DAVE CHIPS IN AS HE SPRAWLS ACROSS SANTA’S OTHER KNEE #’THE NICE POLICEMAN TOLD US THAT WHEN HE WAS HELPING US GUNPROOF THE HOUSE.’ #SANTA FEELS COLD SWEAT DRIP DOWN THE BACK OF HIS SUIT #HE HAS NEVER BEEN MORE UNCOMFORTABLE #’DO YOU DO THIS OUT OF PHILANTHROPIC URGES?’ ASKS ROSE #’OR IS THIS ODD CHOICE OF PROFESSION PERHAPS ROOTED IN THE LACK OF A REASSURING AUTHORITY FIGURE IN YOUR OWN CHILDHOOD?’ #’WHERED YOU GET THE SUIT BRAH’ SAYS DAVE ‘LETS BE HONEST I COULD ROCK THAT SHIT MORE HARDCORE THAN ANY OF YOUR WEIRD ELF BASED PORNOS’ #SANTA TRIES TO REACH FOR THE BUTTON UNDER HIS CHAIR THAT WILL ALERT MALL SECURITY#ROSE LETS OUT A LADYLIKE SHRIEK AND DAVE LEAPS TO HIS FEET TO DEFEND HER VIRTUE #THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF SANTA’S LIFE
i ship that shit…
