lord, what a shame that was! @miquellas - Tumblr Blog

God forbid you ask a pharmacy to fill a prescription

really, lothric as a character speaks to me so much more than anything else because the existence of being disabled is one of non-autonomy, non-personhood. and lothric's disability is metaphorical for him being a scapegoat, true. but equally it manages to be such an explicit depiction - you don't get to have your own dreams, your own identity. you are always going to live in the meagre shadow of what people wanted from you, and what you failed to give them. not just your life but you are going to be defined by that line. and your obeisance to them, your begging them to remember their familial love and their duty to you, as their son and their brother, is the only thing that keeps you treading water. alive, but barely just

along the lines of the oft-quoted "the vitamin that fixes everything wrong with you" tumblr post there is something so unbelievably, incredibly frustrating to finally be medicated (even ineffectively!). there's a certain kind of grief under every new successful thing i can do, where had only people believed me in my childhood and didn't write off my disability as laziness and impudence or "growing pains" i could have actually gotten help and lived more like a real person. i wouldn't have had to spend my whole life struggling.

chronic fatigue and brainfog have genuinely ruled my entire life. i stopped being able to do schoolwork because i just couldn't think. i couldn't read or pay attention to things for a long time. the only exceptions i could make were my special interests to a prohibitive extreme and even then my engagement was worse, of a lesser quality and wholeness than my peers. lol. my ability to draw - my favorite hobby - was so deeply impacted by that. until i was medicated i wasn't able to actually absorb anything. i would forget how to draw genuinely every day.

and it's so frustrating to be years behind my artistic peers, even the self-taught ones. it's sad to know it could have been avoided, even in a small part. it's upsetting to know that i'm still suffering with fatigue and brainfog and that i will never be fully cured, will never be able to experience things as wholly and as presently as a "normal" person.

#this isn't really a vent post inasmuch as... i still feel the need to explain myself #there's a real shame behind my inability and my delay #when in reality i have spent my whole life beating on these walls begging to be able to expend effort like other people do #it feels like i really have failed as a person on some level and all i have is to beg people to understand that no i really do want to be #a virtuous hard worker who never complains and never stops and always has her nose to the grindstone! but i can't #and i have to live inbetween the lines of other people's mercy and forgiveness and leniency #and knowing that there is always a moment when that patience is going to run out.

atomicwrongs

I also ☝️ think it's important to tell the difference between "the author's barely-disguised fetish" and "the audience member's unrealised kink that they're projecting onto the author because seeing a character tied up is making them feel funny in their Audience Member Parts"

crimewave420

paranoidgemsbok

Stardew valley is problematic because it forces you to have an outside cat in a threatened woodland environment

#fields of mistria is problematic because it forces you to have an outside cat to make it work for you

randomalistic

mourning dove moodboard (made of choclate chips)

neon-ufo

𝔈𝔩𝔯𝔦𝔠 𝔬𝔣 𝔐𝔢𝔩𝔫𝔦𝔟𝔬𝔫𝔢 ✧ "In the glare of my steel I see the face of a god"

#elric of melnibone

faithschaffer

the author's barely disguised scheuermann's kyphosis

nekomimidusteon

(with unconstrained lust and heart shaped pupils) hey. I liked your wordplay.

#iseult

rubysapphrald

i feel so defensive and protective of people with ARFID like if i had a disorder that made my brain register 90% of food as poison for no reason and i had a bazillion people on the internet constantly calling me a manchild who needs to just grow up and stop being a picky eater i would start killing people

rubysapphrald

people with ARFID and people with very few autism safe foods and people with contamination OCD and people in ED recovery and everyone else with a complicated relationship with food that no one takes seriously GET BEHIND ME!!!!!!!

museumofagony

#pkmn #fav

watched a playthrough of frlg.ips. ultimately: if you can stomach creepypasta horror it's really good. i liked the prose. the concept is cool. the spritework is really enrapturing in some places. more detailed + spoiler discussion under the cut, but luckyloomagoo essentially sums up my thoughts in their review on the thread.

i do wish like. there was something similar with pokemon platinum. sorry giratina is my favorite pokemon and i think it's an untapped wellspring of interesting horror LOL but the abyss maps onto a similar feeling of giratina's narrative anyways

i think the sailor kind of sucks as a character. i know it's a mixed bag between leaning very heavily on UTDR influences but also the sailor anti-piracy myth, and yet at the same time it feels like there's kind of no point for him to exist other than to have an arbitrary "antagonist"/opposing force against the MC.

it works in e.g. deltarune's weird route with berdly, or sans with the violence only route, because they get to be articulate characters outside of attempting to stop you.

relatedly, i do feel like trying to emphasize that leaf is rejecting the player character's input/creating a chara-frisk-kris-player dynamic doesn't reaaaallly work out as well as intended. i think the only time i really liked it was the PUNISHED ending, but also the very end of the ABYSS ending where the king offers leaf and her loved ones protection and offers her sympathy and pity. like, that kind of specific emotion towards kris isn't something that's been relayed through deltarune yet and it's potentially a really powerful resolution for that kind of story.

so... really my biggest criticism is that there isn't more, haha. i think it's a good loveletter to old pokemon glitch-hunting and rumors, and it was a fun experience to sit through.

#i actually just watched the Dark Souls Player Devoured By The Game unfiction/ARG video #which funny enough is really similar in concept to this. purely coincidentally

recent stuffs (mostly iseult). happy disability pride month

#iseult has a tbi + blind on right side and lothric... is lothric. perhaps i will make a lorian one #u

crabussy

when you eat a Normal Sandwich (bread meat greens cheese relish) and your body goes ooohhh fuck! oh fuck! what have you done! heartbeat GO! sweating GO! temperature GO! like sorry man I'm just trying to keep you WORKING!!!!!!!! ASS HOLE!

crabussy