˚୨୧⋆.˚ ❝ You don't know how lovely you are. ❞ ˚.⋆୨୧˚
⋆˙✦ 𝐓𝐨𝐩 𝟓 𝐁𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐒𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐫𝐬 ! - For Your Troubles 𐙚 Nothing Without Me 𐙚 I Lost Her 𐙚 Why Not Me? 𐙚 Hyacinth
˚₊ྀི⋆˙ CREDITS & INFO ˚。⊹𐙚⭒
⋆˙✦ The chibi Love and Deepspace drawings used in the masterpost header come from this post by @/martabakman1is on Twitter/X !
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Masterpost ☘︎ Main Masterlist ☘︎ Terms & Conditions ☘︎ Tag List
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Masterpost ☘︎ Terms & Conditions ☘︎ Main Masterlist ☘︎ Tag Navigation ☘︎ Tag List
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⋆˙✦ This blog is a fic-posting blog, as well as my personal blog where I reblog non-fandom posts. I have a seperate side blog that I use to reblog fandom posts, such as Attack on Titan, Love and Deepspace, Weak Hero Class, etc.
⋆˙✦ This blog interacts with dark/NSFW content ! Minors are free to interact, but do so at your own discretion !
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──── NOTICES / BYF ˎˊ˗
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It is nothing against you personally and I would love to still be friends with you, even if we are no longer mutuals <3
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──── I WILL WRITE ˎˊ˗
⋆˙✦ Love and Deepspace : Zayne, Sylus, Xavier, Rafayel and Caleb.
⋆˙✦ Fluff, Angst, Crack, Hurt/Comfort and Hurt/No Comfort.
⋆˙✦ Oneshots, Headcanons, Drabbles (Though I tend to word vomit so I prefer to write oneshots), Series.
⋆˙✦ REMINDER : Just because I am willing to write these things, DOES NOT necessarily mean that I am into them them or support them personally.
➜ Platonic and romantic relationships / Fem!Reader (I will not write a fic for exclusively GN!Reader, but in some fics I manage to not use she/her pronouns — which will be stated in the content warnings — so it can be perceived as GN!Reader c: ) / Obsession / Stalking / Drug and alcohol consumption / Yandere themes / Manipulation / Pregnancy / Petnames.
──── I WILL NOT WRITE ˎˊ˗
➜ Mean Caleb / Smut / Rape and sexual-assault (I will write rape/sexual assault COMFORT, but not the active rape/sexual assault process) / Reader with any specific features regarding physical appearance, such as hair colour/length, skin colour, body-type, etc / Incest/Stepcest / Age regression / Character x OC / Male!Reader/AMAB!Reader / Bully x Victim / Enemies to lovers / Dad's best friend x Reader / Genderbends.
──── LEGAL STUFF ˎˊ˗
➜ I ONLY post my work on Tumblr under the username @mischameow. I will NEVER post my work on any social media platform aside from Tumblr. If my work is found on ANY other social media platform — such as Wattpad, TikTok, etc —, please notify me as it has been reposted without my permission !
➜ DO NOT copy, modify, translate, plagiarize, repost, or create continuations of my work onto ANY social media platform.
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── .✦ SUMMARY : It started off as a tiny argument, but some of the things that he said in the heat of moment can never be taken back.
── .✦ CONTENT WARNINGS : fem!reader, she/her pronouns are used for reader, use of 'y/n', angst + hurt/no comfort, swearing (fuck, shit, bullshit), petnames (pipsqueak), depictions of deteriorating mental health (involuntarily sleep deprivation, appetite loss), very mean caleb (caleb telling reader that she is nothing without him :P).
── .✦ AUTHOR'S NOTE : *cough* let's pretend that i didn't spend a whole month on this..
── .✦ WANT TO SEE MORE? Masterlist ⋮ 'Console Me' Masterlist
“You don't need me? Is that what you think?” Caleb’s grip on your wrists was bruising, keeping you from moving away from him as his eyes darted to every fear-filled feature on your face with hostility sewn into every feature of his countenance.
“C-Caleb, you’re hurting me-” You sputtered as your frightened eyes met his unsettlingly placid ones, subtly — yet desperately — trying to pry your wrists out of his grip that was gradually tightening with every second that you struggled to free yourself from his grip.
“You really think that you don’t need me?” Caleb let out a disbelieving chuckle that carried a hint of thinly veiled offence at your — what he would classify as — ‘ignorance’. “Is that so?”
“Caleb… you know that I don't mean it like that-” Of course you still needed him. There could never be a moment in your life where you would not need your gege.
For the past nine months, you had been absolutely destroying yourself — both mentally and physically — for not being able to do anything about the unpredicted explosion that — you thought — had killed Caleb and grandma Josephine.
Hundreds of excruciatingly long nights spent wide awake because the guilt of being the sole survivor of the explosion would not allow you to close your eyes for even a second, and every time that you did manage to keep your eyes closed for longer that five minutes, your mind would automatically replay that exact moment where your front door was blown off of its hinges and you were blasted across the front yard of your childhood home. So you gave up on trying to sleep after a while, no matter how desperately your body needed the sleep.
Hundreds of meals — prepared and gifted by friends and coworkers — skipped and left to gather mildew on your kitchen counter in your apartment since you could not remember the last time that you have had an appetite big enough to eat a proper meal. Looking at any food began to make you feel sick, so you stopped opening the tupperware containers completely and just placed them on the counter to rot.
Yeah, you hated yourself for allowing that explosion to happen to him, and your rapidly deteriorating mental health captured your grief so perfectly that it pained the people around you to watch the light disappear from your eyes a bit more with each passing day.
You had always been so depended on your gege, and you only came to realize how much you truly needed him when you were standing alone at his gravestone in the pouring rain after his funeral service that filled with tears from people whom you had not seen or heard from since you graduated high school.
But with time, you had slowly learnt how to take care of yourself in the same way that Caleb had taken care of you. You had learnt to ask for help from the employees in stores when you could not find the specific item that you were looking for, and you have began to speak up when someone upset you or crossed your boundaries, no longer just turning the other cheek and pretending you never saw or heard anything. But one thing that you never learnt — and refused to learn — was how to make braised chicken wings. After Caleb's passing, you could never bring yourself to eat braised chicken wings anymore, knowing that they were not made by Caleb.
And after all of this, he came back, and he had the audacity to not only act as if he had just returned from a quick trip to the supermarket, but he had just asked you if you wanted to have dinner together before he left.
He had — indirectly — caused you so, so much pain. You would spend entire nights weeping until your eyes could not focus anymore; until your nose was so swollen and blocked to the point where you could not breathe normally for days on end; and to the point where people were beginning to worry that you may try to harm yourself because of the severe survivor’s guilt that you were experiencing. And he had not even given you a proper explanation or reasoning as to why he did any of it.
But you still loved him. Even after he admitted that he’d practically orchestrated the whole thing alongside the EVER Group. To keep you ‘safe’.
“Who do you think,” Caleb cut you off and impetuously shoved your wrists away from him, leaving you to staggeringly try to regain your footing as you brought your hands up to hover over your chest, rubbing at the faint stinging sensation that his fingertips had left around your wrists, “has kept you safe from danger all this time?”
Your jaw dropped in utter disbelief. Who the fuck did he think he was to insinuate that he has been the one keeping you ‘safe’ all this time? He hadn’t done a single thing for you except make you grieve a death that never even truly happened in the first place. And he had the nerve to tell you that it was all for your safety?
“For the past nine months? Certainly not you, Caleb,” You spat, malice dripping from your tone as you carefully observed his reaction, “because you were dead.” His eyes widened and a disbelieving chuckle — though, it sounded more like a scoff than a chuckle, and you’re not sure which one would’ve been worse — resonated from deep within his chest as he brought a hand up to run it over his mouth.
“Why do you think I helped EVER fake my death, Y/N?” Caleb quickly walked towards you, ignoring the soft, frantic patter of your bare feet against the cold, sterile tiled flooring as your back hit the wall behind you while trying to back as far away from him as you can. “I did all of that,” He harshly took your shoulders between his hands, roughly shaking you back and forth as he got close enough to your face to feel your noses briskly brush against one another's, “for you!”
“Stop saying that, Caleb! You did nothing to protect me! There is nothing that I even needed protecting from!” ‘I'm pretty sure that there never was.’ You thought to yourself.
Caleb dragged a deep breath through his nose, carefully thinking about what his next words should be as his eyes zeroed in on the wet tear tracks glistening on your cheeks in the light from the faint moonlight breaking through the thick clouds outside the floor-to-ceiling windows. Sighing, he ran his gloved thumb over the apple of your cheek, watching the track smudge ever-so-slightly as his leather glove did not really do much to dry your tears.
“I've already explained this to you, Y/N. I couldn't let you be publically involved with me anymore. You have no idea how much even knowing me puts your safety at risk.” He muttered, voice nearing the edge of a whisper as his gaze fell to the floor, strands of hair falling in front of his eyes as his head slightly tilted down, obscuring his eyes from you.
His bruising grip on your shoulders suddenly vanished as he brought his other hand up to cup your other cheek — an action that was so familiar between Caleb and yourself that it would’ve brought you solace if it weren’t for the terrifying situation that you currently found yourself wound up in — with a familiar, comforting look in his eyes that made your heart sink even deeper into the pit of your stomach. “You have to understand, Y/N. I had no other choice.”
“What have they done to you…” You whimpered, a fresh stream of salty tears was now dribbling down your cheeks, sparking an uncomfortable sting behind your blurry, bloodshot eyes as your tear ducts welled up with more tears, each patiently waiting for their own individual turns to cascade down your cheeks.
As if a switch in Caleb's mind flicked, his countenance immediately relaxed, eyebrows no longer furrowed and the corners of his lips no longer turned down in a frown. That dark look in his eyes from earlier replaced the comforting one and the condescension returned to his otherwise steady voice as he let out a hollow chuckle, sending a chill down your spine. He swiped his thumb over your tear-stained cheek one last time before removing his hands from your cheeks, finally moving away from you to place some distance between the two of you as you let out a shaky breath that you did not even realize that you were holding, though you could not help but notice that his sudden retraction left you feeling cold.
“Done to me?” He echoed, voice bouncing off of each wall of the large, freezing living room. “Well, let’s see,” he brought his hand up to rub his chin in in faux wonder and looked out the large, foggy windows into the dark, heavy clouds as if he were pondering the answer himself.
“They replaced my arm with this,” He lowered his hand from his chin to pull off his sable leather glove, revealing a bionic arm as he flexed his robotic fingers, the soft sounds of the metal parts clinking against each other and moving together entered your ears, “nifty new toy.” He smirked as he watched your eyes follow his bionic arm as he slowly lowered it back down to his side.
“Then, they fixed that pesky brain tissue that got scrambled during the explosion, and gave me a new, different set of priorities. A better perspective…”
“What do you mean by ‘a new perspective’...?”
A deep chuckle resonated from within his chest. “You never were great with subtext, were you, pipsqueak?” He quipped, a glint of condescension dancing in his scrutinizing gaze as he picked up his colonel's hat from the couch, turning it around in his hands before placing it on his head.
You scoffed at his quip, offence seeping into your veins as you spat, “I can pick up on subtext just fine. Don’t patronize me, Caleb.”
He could not help but release a sardonic laugh at your indignant retort, the sound bouncing off of the cold, sterile walls of his living room.
“Right. Because you were always so good at the guessing game.” His condescending chuckle faded out into an echo as he composed himself, crossing his arms over his chest, “but let me spell it out for you. EVER calls the shots, and I am the puppet dancing on their strings. Is that simple enough for you?”
“Stop talking to me as if I am a child, Caleb. I'm not.”
“Not a child?” He repeated, a mordant laugh escaping his lips.
“You always were — and you probably still are — in and over your head, getting into trouble and running off onto wild adventures; how could I not treat you like a child when you can barely stand on your own two feet?”
“You-” You began, but your bite-back was briskly cut off by another one of Caleb’s condescending, rhetorical questions.
“If I didn’t step in, who would?”
“Grandma-”
“Josephine? She had enough on her plate dealing with EVER’s bullshit.”
“Would you stop cutting me off?!” You snapped, gritting your teeth when all he did was roll his eyes, but he kept quiet, signalling that you could finally get a word in.
“I can handle myself, Caleb, and you know that. I have always been capable of taking care of myself. I never needed you to ‘protect’ me.” Your throat stung with emotional distress, and felt as dry as tree bark. Your head felt as if it was about to both explode and implode at the same time, and you just wanted everything to end. You wanted everything that had been said and done in the past hour to completely disappear, and you wanted to go on with your life as if it never happened. This was not the Caleb that you used to know.
This was not the Caleb that used to tenderly place sparkly bandages with cartoon characters on your bloody knees after falling down the stairs as you weeped.
This was not the Caleb that used to placed gentle kisses on said bandages after placing them on your knees.
This was not the Caleb that used to stay up with you until the early hours of the morning to help you with your math homework back in high school.
This was not the Caleb that used to drop everything that he was doing with no hesitation to cook your favourite meal the very second that you even subtly hinted to him that you were hungry.
This was not your gege.
“Oh, please. Don’t you get it, Y/N? You’re nothing without me,” Caleb taunted, and before he could even fully register what he was saying, he continued, “You've always been nothing without me. With your tendency to leap into dangerous situations without thinking them through, your lack of foresight and a reckless disregard for your own safety, all you could ever do was turn to me and hope to God that I would be your knight in shining armour every single time that shit would hit the fan.”
Feeling fresh tears begin to well up in your eyes again, you suddenly found yourself unable to use your voice, unable to say anything to try to get Caleb to stop.
“Don't you remember back in high school, Y/N?” Caleb began, placing his colonel's hat on his head and interlocking his hands behind his back and he began a leisurely pace back and forth in front of you, smirking when he felt your eyes follow his every move, before continuing, “You were always ‘Caleb's little sister’. Whenever people spoke about you, they always spoke of ‘Caleb and his sister’, or ‘Caleb and Y/N’. Never just Y/N. Don't you realize what that means?”
“Caleb... please...” You whimpered weakly in a last ditch effort to get him to stop his humiliating verbal assault against as you as your voice cracked with emotional distress; but he ignored your pleads.
“You never meant anything when I wasn't by your side, Y/N.” You remained silent as an an eerie silence fell over the entire apartment, covering it like a thick, suffocating blanket.
As if the switch was flipped a second time, Caleb stopped his pace and his pupils dilated as regret immediately began to seep into every vein inside of Caleb’s body, clawing at his ribs as he noticed the salty tears dribbling down your cheeks once again, and his blood ran as cold as ice when he came to the realization that he was the direct cause of your tears, this time.
The only sound that could be heard between the two of you was heavy breathing, and you swore that you could hear Caleb's heart beat thundering rapidly against the walls inside of his chest, and if you could hear his thoughts, you'd know that he could say the same for you, as well.
“Y/N, I-” Caleb’s voice was a weak murmur as he staggeringly took a few steps back, his confident façade immediately shattering and beginning to fall apart as he directed his gaze from your pale, shattered countenance to your fists that were trembling violently at your sides.
“Don't.” You swiftly cut Caleb off, hastily bringing your trembling hand up to try and rid your face of the tears as quickly as you could while you turned around to face your back to him so that he could no longer see your face. Was that really what he thought of you? Did he think that you were just some pathetic little lamb who constantly needed him by your side to actually mean anything to anybody?
You would think that after Caleb had known you for — quite literally — your entire life, that he would know that you were more than capable of taking care of yourself; you were one of Captain Jenna’s best hunters, after all.
Caleb's gaze fell to the floor where his feet met the ground, before bringing up his hands and allowing his gaze drift and fall on his hands, one still covered by his leather-glove, and the other — the bionic one — exposed to the chilly air that was so taut that not even a newly sharpened butcher's knife could cut through it.
The very same pair of hands that used to shield your eyes from how horrible and cruel the world truly was — how horrible and cruel people could truly be, were the same ones that had killed more people in cold blood than you've ever even met in your entire life.
The same pair of hands that used to hold your own when you had to get your blood drawn at the doctor's office, were the same pair of hands that orchestrated the explosion that blew up your childhood home and changed the rest of your life forever.
The same pair of hands that used to wipe the tears from your cheeks after you would scrape your knees against the gritty pavement gravel as a kid were soaked so much blood that you could never even begin to comprehend, and when you reunited with Caleb a few weeks prior, you were willing to look past the faint stains of blood that he’d never be able to completely scrub from his skin, because they were still the same hands that cradled you when you felt as though your whole world was falling apart, weren’t they?
“I thought you of all people would know that I am more than capable of taking care of myself, Caleb.” You muttered, your tongue felt like a thick, dry sponge in your mouth, soaking up all the moisture and leaving your mouth feeling as dry as sand.
“Y/N... wait-” Caleb’s voice was a shaky plead, quietly begging for you to give him a chance to explain with just the single call of your name. Though he did not know what there was to explain, he could not even remember a single thing that he had said; he just knew that you were crying, and he knew that he was the cause of it.
“Especially after you abandoned me.” No longer feeling tears welling up in your waterline or running down your cheeks, you turned around and started your journey to leave Caleb's apartment. Cool air hit your cheeks when you began to walk as they were still wet from the tears you spilled earlier. You walked past Caleb, intentionally bumping your shoulder against his, breaking his balance and causing him to stumble to the side, his colonel's cap falling to the floor with a thud.
Although you didn’t intend to shove him as hard as you did, you didn’t care enough to apologize, and that fact scared you, because the first thing you’d always do was apologize when you felt as though you’ve hurt or offended Caleb.
Caleb’s eyes stayed glued to the floor for a few more seconds after regaining his footing, before his gaze shot back up to follow you as you walked away, shoulders slightly shaking as you swiped your hands over your cheeks.
Stopping at the merge between the hallway and the living room, you peered at Caleb's slouched form over your shoulder, and muttered, “Unless you plan making up for the fact that I have spent the past nine months completely alone, don't pretend that you know what I've been going through.” Then you turned the corner, and Caleb was left alone, standing in the centre of his living room with his head lowered to the ground.
“Pipsqueak...?” Then everything went black, and Caleb's body hit the ground with a dull thud.