Sharon the Nonexistent Duckling

I'm here whether you like it or not.

[misfitprose]

Is this REALLY a humble "light switch cover", Etsy?

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[danwhobrowses]

Me looking all over TLOVM S4E3 to see if there's a familiar-looking kid halfling among the Ashari crowd

[misfitprose]

I tried the same thing!

[misfitprose]

Gave my blog a new name!

Real Critters will get it.

[misfitprose]

Okay, so...

I don't remember Cerkonos being blind (or fucking dead) in Campaign 3. Have we entered an AU?

[misfitprose]

"Doty: Himself"

[misfitprose]

How does Keyleth keep getting ahead on a technicality?

[misfitprose]

(I don't know why I have to hide spoilers for you clowns when you don't even treat me like one of you, but whatever. LOL you haven't watched it yet? )

GROG'S SONG! THE DRAWINGS!

I feel like somebody had a fun time drawing like a drunk 5-yr-old.

Poor Matt stand-in.

I think Wayne Brady did an okay job as Taryon. Seven people can't play EVERY character, after all.

In a rare case of the CAPTIONS spoiling, the Gloomstalker was labeled before the characters even figured out what it was in-universe.

You released the Kraken!

"I'm going to kill Spike and Greg."

[misfitprose]

I've been in this fandom for at least half a billion years already and the goalposts for being a "rEal crITTEr" keep changing!

Now my blog needs a new name.

[misfitprose]

I was so much happier before the Cunternet turned being a fan of something into a COMPETITION, and I was told I was always LOSING and doing everything WRONG! Fandoms are toxic.

[misfitprose]

I just wanted to talk about something I love.

[misfitprose]

I almost made a post about hearing a song CR referenced while I was making pancakes for the first time, but that bitch would have commented "LOL u can't make pancakes!" and then immediately made a post saying, "As a LIFELONG PANCAKE MAKER, blah-blah-blah some dumb shit..."

You people focus on the dumbest things to get everyone to laugh at me.

[misfitprose]

Did you really have to act like you were "correcting" me? Like everyone was gonna "believe" me and that's something you simply could not have?? "Everyone" who???? Was it so fucking important that your stupid ass come out on top that you had to put me down? What was so fucking funny that you had to make sure you looked like a "better" Critter than me? Will they love you now, since you got the right time frame and I didn't? Are you jealous that I have Beacon and you don't? I PAID FOR IT WITH MY OWN MONEY! YOU CAN DO THAT YOURSELF!

The astronauts don't read my blog - OR YOURS! Ashley and Taliesin don't read my blog - OR YOURS! WHY WAS IT SO FUNNY?????!?!!?! MY CAT IS DYING AND MY MOM IS BLIND I DON'T HAVE TIME TO REMEMBER EXACTLY WHEN SOME FUCKING ASTRONAUTS GOT HOME AND NO DECENT HUMAN BEING SHOULD EVEN CARE ABOUT THAT! I WROTE A WHOLE ENTIRE POST AND ALL YOU TOOK AWAY WAS "LOL SHE DON'T KNOW WHAT TWO MONTHS IS UNLIKE US RIGHT GUYS SO DUMB!" THAT WAS YOUR TAKEAWAY? REALLY? YOU WERE SO OFFENDED BY ONE STATEMENT THAT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU SO YOU HAD TO MAKE SURE YOUR BLOG HAD THE "RIGHT" INFO? LIKE "I SURE SHOWED HER!" ??? SHOWED ME WHAT? OH, YEAH, I "LEARNED MY LESSON"! I'LL NEVER MAKE A VAGUE STATEMENT ABOUT A TIME FRAME AGAIN BECAUSE IT MIGHT BOTHER SOME ASSHOLE ONLINE!

You acted like I personally offended you because I didn't get the exact time frame right! You acted like I was making false claims about the episode and trying to convince others of it when I was just exaggerating! THERE WAS NO REASON TO MAKE AN ENTIRE POST HIGHLIGHTING THE "CORRECT" TIME FRAME AS A DIG AT ME!

IT WAS A BIZARRE THING TO HYPERFOCUS ON AND MAKE FUN OF ME ABOUT, AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT I DID WRONG THAT WAS WORTH ACTING LIKE I WAS THE BAD GUY!

[misfitprose]

I'm gonna do a thing sometimes where I dramatically misinterpret numbers because it pisses off people who are anal and I guess you all get a kick out of it? All three thousand of you?

Yeah, I have like a zillion followers, it's so cool. A million years ago, I posted a picture of my cat. I know it was 20 minutes ago because everyone in the world commented "LOL it's only been a second!" but really it was a lifetime ago. My niece has grandkids now, it's been SOOOOOO long since I made a Tumblr post.

[misfitprose]

I didn't even DO ANYTHING, and I got fucking dragged, as if all Critters are legally obligated to have an autistic level of memorizing statistics, like the exact time the space shuttle touched down, and not use any figures of speech or nebulous statements like "so long ago" because it sets off Monk's sarcasm-blind brain!

So maybe there's an official timestamp in the fucking Discord where everyone hangs out, and my inattention to detail is a big fucking joke?

IS THAT REALLY THE DUMBEST THING I'VE EVER SAID??!!?!?!

[misfitprose]

How do you make a long post about something that interests you, and the only thing someone focuses on is "You started the entire thing with the letter H! Hey, everyone, this LOSER starts sentences with H!! Unlike dummies we don't like, I start my posts with vowels!"

So tell me, what ONE word or phrase are you going to unnaturally focus on in THIS post? Should I just interrupt long blocks of text with the word "boobies" so you can whittle this whole thing down to "That Boobies Post" as if I talked about nothing else? Is reading comprehension in 2026 THAT piss-poor?

I have had a really bad day, assholes who don't care about everyone! I didn't get a fucking birthday party - I didn't even get my fucking birthday WRITTEN ON THE FUCKING CALENDAR! I've been sick for a few weeks now. Our house is falling apart. My mom needs surgery. She could actually go completely blind. Just this morning, I almost slipped in a pile of cat puke before I even made it to the bathroom. I suspect my asshole family is poisoning my cat because they think it's funny.

OH, BUT LET'S MAKE FUN OF ME BECAUSE I LOST TRACK OF HOW LONG THE SPACE SHUTTLE HAS BEEN BACK SINCE I WAS FOCUSING ON MY LIFE AND THEN GET OTHERS TO MAKE FUN OF ME BY POSTING ABOUT IT AS IF ALL THE COOL PEOPLE KNOW IT'S ONLY BEEN TWO MONTHS!! I'M SURE THE CAST OF CRITICAL ROLE WILL SURELY LOVE YOU FOR IT !

[misfitprose]

WHOLE FUCKING BLOG IS ABOUT HOW LONG TWO MONTHS IS NOW! DEAL WITH IT!

[misfitprose]

"LOL I'm making fun of people who were ALREADY HAVING A BAD DAY even though I look like Helga Phugly from the Oblongs! The hill I chose to die on is actually a dung pile!" Who looks at a long post I made and chooses ONE RANDOM SENTENCE TO FOCUS ON?!?!? SO FUCKING PETTY!