When you’ve been working with your therapist on the issue of whether you are broken, need fixing, etc. and trying to focus on self love and self compassion -
And you get into an argument with your parents where both of them say things like “your angry social justice warrior stance makes you turn away good things” and “getting angry and upset about injustice is negatively affecting your life” -
And you’re caught between wondering if they are right about some things (even though you recognize that this sort of thinking is typically what leads me to place most of the blame on myself) or if that conversation really was as full of gaslighting and dismissive-ness as I think it was.
At one point my mom said something about how my feminist angry beliefs were like a religion and I said that was disrespectful and she said no it’s not disrespectful - but I am the one who should get to decide that no?
And after winding me up in the first place my dad keeps chiming on with little things that have nothing to do with the conversation or alternatively tone policing me. Because if I swear or raise my voice I am not being respectful, apparently.
I wish there was a court reporter, and an instant transcript so I could have constantly referred to it. This is what you said. This is what made me upset. Maybe I interpreted it differently than how you meant it, but here are the exact words. Because I can already not remember most of the phrasing which annoys me.
And I have nowhere to go? I want to leave for a few days but I can’t because I have no one I can run to and stay with.
To elaborate/add on - this whole thing started because my mom shared news about corruption in the Catholic Church with me and then I talked about it with my dad and he kept deflecting with things like yeah but that happens in every religion/organization and why do you care?
Because, as I said, this is the religion I was raised in, and the one I was pretty deeply committed to up until I was about 17 or 18. The hypocrisy still burns. But mostly it reminds me of feeling like that trust I had in something was broken, and I had that coming of age realization that religion is just another man made invention and not divinely inspired. I don’t have anything against most religions, and I don’t even harp against the Catholic Church. But the hierarchy covering up more abuse scandals is another unjust thing that upsets me.
And further more, so fucking what if it upsets me? I can feel however I fucking want about it. I can feel however I fucking want about anything. If it makes me especially sad and disappointed, so fucking what. Yeah, I can’t do anything about it. I’m a human being and I occasionally give a damn and that is my perogative.
