ʚɞ

Your average loser :P

[misguided-spiritcat]

Welcome ! ㅤ/ᐠ - ˕ -マ

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*ੈ✩‧₊˚ Evelyn, She/her, Istj, this blog is full of my midnight thoughts and such nothing too crazy. I'm just looking for comfort in sharing my inner thoughts.

I like anime such as - Tokyo Revengers, One Piece, A Sign of Affection, Steins;Gate, and many more.

I'm always open to making new friends, although I can be a bit awkward don't let that deter you I promise I'm a friendly person. :)

I also like a lot of video games my top three atm are Resident Evil (seven is my favorite), Red Dead Redemption II, and The Last of Us :3

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𓂃۶ৎ I'm always listening to music so here are some of my favorite artists - Paramore, Wave to Earth, PinkPantheress, Men I trust, The Marias, Jiwoo, Cigarettes After Sex, Sunday (1994), and a lot more.. :P

☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆

Idk what else to say :P

[misguided-spiritcat]

Do you ever feel like you’re the last choice?

The option they pick because you’re the only one left.

It’s all fake.

Everything seems to be an illusion to me.

Everytime I think I did something new, I find the people who like me.

No.

It’s just like back then, you’re the second choice.

They never want to see you, they want to see the better option.

I don’t know why I ever thought I was good enough.

I wish I was seen for who I am, not for who is beside me.

I’m tired of waiting for something that won’t come.

It's an endless cycle.

I hate how sensitive I am, I hate how much I care, I hate myself.

They only come because they think they get to see them.

Not me.

You try to put yourself into a space where you don’t belong.

I just wanted to be included, maybe I should go back to how it used to be.

If I isolate myself I can find inner peace rather than conflict.

I don’t want to feel this way anymore.

They only talk to you when they need something, they only look your way to see them.

Not me, Never me. 

I’ve always dreamed of finding that place where I belong, but it doesn’t seem like it’s come to me yet.

I just need to be a little more patient right?

Maybe if I stop caring so much nothing will matter.

I shouldn’t want to be included, I don’t belong in the first place.

Maybe I just need to hold onto hope a bit tighter.

Then maybe, just maybe I can find my own happiness.

[misguided-spiritcat]

One day I'll have a cat like this🥹

[misguided-spiritcat]

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 I wish I could disguise myself.

Pretend to be someone else,

Someone more likable I suppose.

Maybe then I won’t be excluded,

Even if it’s from my own volition.

I look into the mirror and force myself to smile,

It’s for them.

I repeat.

Over.

And

Over.

I can’t let anyone know I’m hurt.

At least not anymore.

I’ve learned what it’s like to be a burden to others.

If I pretend to be invisible,

That one friend who never cares about missing out.

Maybe then I can at least have some people to laugh with.

I don’t want to let anyone in, 

I know it’ll only be a bother.

No one needs to know how I really feel.

They just need to know that I’m okay.

And maybe that’s how it’ll always be.

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

[misguided-spiritcat]

addicted

[misguided-spiritcat]

One day this'll be me

[misguided-spiritcat]

Why can’t I feel?

What is the feeling of nothing?

Emptiness?

Sorrow?

Does it make you want to cry?

Does it constrict you into nothing?

Make it hard to wake up every day?

Wishing you didn’t wake up.

Wishing you wouldn’t have to get up.

How am I supposed to feel?

Sometimes I wish I could disappear into nothing.

Swallowing the rest of the pills,

Leaving the bottle empty.

The deep seated regret in your heart, 

Yet you feel free.

You feel that freedom that was only promised in dreams.

Lying in bed as you reminisce on the past,

The life you could’ve lived.

The life that you were promised if you didn’t give up.

The only memories you can seem to recall,

The ones of your friend’s smiles, your own smile in the mirror, the tears rolling down your cheeks.

The familiar smell of home yet it doesn’t feel like it.

It feels more like a nightmare that won’t end,

Yet it doesn’t scare me.

The idea of what comes beyond this doesn’t scare me anymore,

As long as it promises me a better life than this.

When everything swallows me whole, 

I’ll have that smile on my face knowing I was free from this life.

[misguided-spiritcat]

How I'm feeling today :P

[misguided-spiritcat]

I love falling asleep to this song

[misguided-spiritcat]

The feeling of nothing.

It’s like no other,

Void in your chest you can’t let go.

It doesn’t hurt,

Not like I wish it would.

The void of the feeling you can’t place,

Something you want to reach but can’t quite.

Wishing something out there was better,

Offered a chance at something.

Something that wouldn’t leave you.

The fleeing feeling leaving at your fingertips.

Till you lay in bed,

Staring at the ceiling with the same two songs.

Repeat.

Over and over.

The tears that burn at your eyes,

They don’t fall.

No.

They can’t, not without that feeling.

Wanting so desperately, to feel, to see, to want.

To want to feel something, something real.

Till you lay in bed,

The tears finally flowed freely.

The empty pill bottle resting in your hand.

That smile, it’s hard to place.

Everything you wished to happen,

The dreams that burned at the back of your mind.

They don’t matter anymore,

And when you finally close your eyes.

You know it was real,

Real as the time you fell off the swings,

Real as all the times you cried yourself to sleep,

Hoping for something more that wouldn’t come.

The voices of those you trusted till the end,

And maybe when the world fades from me.

I can still think about the fleeting memories.

The ones that go through my mind as I disappear.

The ones that allowed me to smile.

Allowed me to smile once more,

Knowing maybe something out there.

Would allow me to have one more chance.

Because I didn’t want to leave like this.

[misguided-spiritcat]

Chemistry is so annoying

[misguided-spiritcat]

I think I have daddy issues.

[misguided-spiritcat]

Love.

There’s no one way to define,

The feeling of love, wanting to be loved.

Something that burns in you, you can feel it

 but it won’t always come to be.

That special touch that keeps you up at night,

The image of them in your mind.

You see it, almost want to touch it.

It just barely leaves you like the rest,

All they do is leave.

And then maybe you start to think - 

When will it be my turn?

I’ve been patient, I thought I was enough,

Enough to be wanted.

It’s never been that simple, 

To want is to feel.

Without the pain, I can’t seem to think straight,

The desperation that burns through my heart.

Maybe if I was more, something better 

I wouldn’t be left behind too.

One day, I say.

One day I’ll be able to smile again.

With that special person that won’t leave me too.

Until then, you’ll be hopelessly grasping..

Onto something that won’t come.

When the time comes I hope I learn,

Learn what love is, how does it feel?

Will I ever know?

Maybe, I should just let those thoughts.

Go.

They will be swept away by everything else.

I’ll forget, and end up how I thought I would.

Alone, my greatest fear.

Just like they all thought.

My heart emptied to nothing,

And then I’ll understand. 

Maybe that’s just how the world works.

𓂃۶ৎ

[misguided-spiritcat]

bro is the whole forest, why can't men like him exist in real life? 💔

[misguided-spiritcat]

This will be my new hyper fixation for weeks now (˶' ꒳ '˶)

[misguided-spiritcat]

Someone save me from my obsession

[misguided-spiritcat]

My Shayla (っ˘̩╭╮˘̩)っ