Mom Life.

Cordelia Monroe James. 21. Mother to a threenager. Single. 

[misscordeliamonroe]

I still miss you.

Dear Gabe,

  Do I still say dad? I don't even know. Bella still asks about you. Not as often but she does. She misses you still. I show her old pictures and we still talk about you. You really did make a damn good impression on that little girl. Hell, what am I saying. Up until the very end you made one on me too. I think that's what broke my heart the most. The truth is I still wake up sometimes and I want to go find you because I miss you. I miss our talks. I miss watching you with Bella. I miss it all. I remember one night I was sitting up because I couldn't sleep and I was pregnant with Bella. I was staring out the window and I was thanking god for you. I knew that if I wasn't here in New York with you I wouldn't have been happy. I knew that finding you those years ago saved my life.

Do I miss Nancy Scott? Hell no I don't. She put me through hell for fifteen years. You really did save me from her and her husband. You made my life in New York and beyond possible and I can't thank you enough for that. I've been through so much that you don't know about. Yeah I moved to California. You probably know that much. California was definitely good for my career. California sent me to London for a while and London was wonderful but the truth was I missed New York. With that being said I'm home. I'm in the house I had before. It's hard not to miss you here because you're everywhere but this is home. I not only miss you but I miss the menagerie of animals. I miss all the little things too. You've missed a relationship or two in my life.

Da--Gabe.. Bella's so big and she's starting school this year. You've missed so much in her life and in mine and it sucks. When I got here just before my sixteenth birthday I thought it was forever. It felt like forever. I had the family I had dreamed of. You were taken from me so young and then you took yourself from me but from Bella. She's old enough to really understand holidays now and it's the cutest thing. You know every Christmas she still gets you a gift in case she gets to see you again. Or she'll make you a card or something for Father's day because you made such an impact on her small life. I don't stop her because it's something she wants to do. I don't stop her because you still mean so much to her. You still mean so much to both of us.

Oh and.. You missed another milestone. Bella's going to be a big sister. It's still early and she will be finding out soon but yeah another baby is on the way. And because of me and because of your strong willed granddaughter this baby will know about you too. I know you probably won't ever see this but thank you for saving me. Thank you for being here for me while you were. I still miss you. I still love you.. I hope you're doing well for yourself. Maybe one day we'll cross paths again.

xo, Cordelia Monroe James.

[misscordeliamonroe]

Friday Night!

Cordelia was excited. Her birthday was coming up and she wasn't sure what she wanted to do just yet but with it only days away she knew that if something was going to happen then it needed to be planned out soon. It was the weekend. Thank god it's Friday right? She picked up her phone and she texted the little chat she had with her sister and her sister's wife. TGIF! So.. My birthday is Tuesday. I mean it's a holiday too so we have to do something right? She hit send and hoped that one or both of them would respond so that they could discuss the big day. When an hour passed and they didn't respond she figured it was because Bella was over there and they were having fun. She shot them another text. We'll talk later. I think I'm going to go out tonight. She sent the text and went upstairs to get ready.

Her typical friday night was disney movies with Bella except when she had a sleepover with Delilah and Tati. Then she usually watched true crime or did things that were a little more difficult with her daughter around. Tonight was a night that she was going to go out and celebrate her birthday a little early. She knew on the big day that she'd have Bella. She wasn't one for pawning her daughter off on anyone including her sister but when Delilah wanted her or when Bella wanted to spend the night with her cousins, of course Cordelia wasn't going to say no. She found the perfect outfit and she quickly changed. Sitting at the vanity she'd had since she was sixteen she smiled. She did her make up quickly. Once done she pulled her hair back and smiled. She looked great.

She finished getting ready and headed out. She thought about texting one of her friends but she figured that she'd go out and see what the night had to offer. She didn't even text her bodyguard. She was sure that was a bad idea but she was in a mood. She couldn't explain it but she didn't seem to mind it. Every once in a while she liked to give him the slip. It just worked out better for her. She was hoping that this would be one of those nights. It didn't take long to get to one of the bars she liked. It wasn't too busy but it was busy enough that she had to order a drink at the bar and get one of a few tables. She sat down and drank her drink quietly while watching her surroundings. She stayed for one more drink before heading out. On her way out she bumped into someone. "Excuse me." she apologized before moving to help them up.

[misscordeliamonroe]

A visual of everyone in Cordelia’s life along with the favorite parts of her career. 

[misscordeliamonroe]

A few things about Cordelia.

She loves her job. She loves both television and movies. 

She loves to show off her style. Sometimes she’s not alone.

She has a real passion for music even though she pursued acting.

She’s a mom before anything else. Her daughter is her world.

Modeling isn’t her favorite part of the job but sometimes she does enjoy it.

She loves the beach even on days where it’s too cool to swim.

Sleep is something she can never get enough of.

Coffee is her sanity most days. 

While she isn’t the biggest fan of social media she does try to keep up for those she cares about and the fans that care about her. 

[misscordeliamonroe]

Emotional Scars.

Dear Diary,

Today was another one of those days. Bella asked about her grandpa again today. How do I open up and tell her that she probably won't ever see him again? I know I really should have a long time ago but for the first few years of her life he was a constant. It truly breaks my heart to see her hurt and I know once she realizes that she may never see him again it's going to hurt but I still can't bare to tell her. I want to protect her so much plus I want to wait until she's a bit older so she'll understand a bit more. Whenever she asks about dad for now I can redirect her and that's good. Plus having Lilah and Tati here help was a major thing. I can't thank god enough that they're over here with us. I missed them when they were in the states.

Back to Gabriel Anthony James. To say that's the biggest scar I have is an understatement. I wish I hadn't of let Bella get to know him just because of the upset it's caused in her life. When he first kicked us out and tried to keep Bella from me that was the worst thing he's ever done. I never thought he would do something like that especially since mom kept us from him when we were kids. It doesn't matter now. I have my daughter and my life is on track. I still think about him though. I wonder what our life would be like if that wouldn't have happened. Sometimes I wonder if after it happened if he ever thought about us but it doesn't matter. That's a chapter of my life that's closed for good reason. That doesn't mean the scars don't hurt.

Speaking of scars I've had a few others. Bella's dad is one but that one came out of nowhere so that's one I'm still trying to work through but I do get it. Work was important before he disappeared again. One day I will have to explain that to her but she's content right now. She knows as much as she needs to. I know one day I will have a lot of scars to open for my baby girl but I want to keep her as carefree and innocent as possible for as long as possible. I won't let my scars affect her until they have to. Right now they're my burden to carry for us both and I'm more than happy to.

[misscordeliamonroe]

I would absolutely agree with this. I am definitely compassionate and brave. Not so sure on the bold front but I’ll definitely take it. I’m actually glad I got something I thought all along. 

[misscordeliamonroe]

The life of Cordelia Monroe.

Simple. Preparing to go into a photoshoot or even go on set.

Baking is one of her favorite activities. 

Sometimes Cordelia gets overly excited about things.

When she’s around her family she is overwhelmingly happy. 

Lost in thought. Sometimes these are the times she loves. 

Eating. Fruit, food in general. 

Given all she’s been through she’s one to push before she thinks.

Living her life to the fullest for herself and her daughter.

She’s got a temper. No one wants to mess with. 

[misscordeliamonroe]

End of Summer Bucket List.

01. Quite simply put I just want a me day. Just a spa day or even a day to relax.  02. I want a mommy and me shopping day with Bella. 03. One last hurrah. I want a party with all of my friends and family. (pic 1) 04. I really just want to sit outside and watch the stars.  05. Go on a date. Just something fun and light. 06. A movie marathon. Cute romantic movies, halloween movies. (Pic 2) 07. Honestly I want to go on a shopping trip with my sister.  08. Rearrange/redecorate my living roo with my liddo helper. (pic 3) 09. Work on a project. My show is on break so working on something else would be great right now. 10. Have a photoshoot with Bella and the sister and her family. 

[misscordeliamonroe]

A ghost or not?

"Can you help me?" Cordelia turned around wondering who was talking and if they were talking to her. "Can you hold on sis?" she asked while on the phone with her sister Delilah. She spun around trying to figure out who was talking but she was a little confused. She'd heard a distinct voice and now she couldn't find whoever it was. "Mama!" She heard Bella's voice on the phone. "Hi baby girl. Tell Auntie Lilah that Mommy has to go. I love you." She smiled to herself. "Bye Mama." she heard. She quickly turned the call off before Delilah could get on and ask questions that she really didn't have answers to. She put her phone away and went back to looking for something for a premiere. She was excited and it wasn't even a project she was in. She was just happy that there was an event where fans would be at and where she could interact with people.

Cordelia turned around as an older woman bumped into her. She wasn't old by any means but she was a few years older than Cordelia. "Excuse me." Hearing her voice she was sure that was the voice she'd heard asking for help. She wanted to ask but she wasn't sure if it would be appropriate to do so. She paused. She watched her move away and she decided to follow her. "Excuse me ma'am." she started. "Did I hear you say you needed help?" she asked curiously. When the woman looked at her like she'd grown another head she offered a small smile. "I'm sorry. I can see that I've been mistaken." Cordelia turned around and made her way back to the dresses she'd been looking at feeling embarrassed. She couldn't believe she'd been so bold. Anyone that knew her knew that with all she'd been through that wasn't like her anymore.

She bit down on her lower lip and she thought about that move. She watched the woman from a distance so the woman wouldn't think she was following her but she was almost sure that was the voice she'd heard. She shook her head and shivered lightly. She wasn't sure what to make of the interaction though. She pulled out her phone and she dialed Libby's number. She waited almost impatiently for her best friend to pick up. She got her voicemail. When she did she sighed softly but she figured that would happen. "Libs. Are you free Friday?" she sighed to herself. "I need a plus one to a premiere and I could really use some best friend time anyways so I thought I'd ask you if you wanted to go." She smiled to herself. "Love you. Call me back." She left the voicemail and then she hung up hoping that Libby was free.

[misscordeliamonroe]

What did I do wrong?

Cordelia smiled as she watched Bella run around her dads house. It was fun to watch and she knew her dads loved having them over. After an afternoon of playing she was sitting on the couch waiting with a napping Bella. Gabriel James-Michaels came into the room and he smiled at Bella. "I'm going to put her in her bed." He said. Cordelia stopped him. "I'm going to have to wake her up soon anyways right?" she asked. She watched him shake his head. "She could just stay the night." he responded. "No. I mean for dinner and she is not sleeping this early." He nodded. "Oh that's right." He still carried her to her room to put her down. Cordelia sighed softly. Johnny walked past the room and she thought he was talking to someone but she wasn't sure. She didn't know what was going on but it didn't matter. Something about being there that day felt off. She just brushed it off as she was still upset about Kaide leaving.

She decided to go to the kitchen for a bottle of water and on her way she could hear voices upstairs and she heard little snippets. "It's time." She thought about seeing if everything was okay but she didn't want to intrude on a private conversation so she just went on about her own stuff. When her phone went off with Delilah saying that she and Tatiana were running late. Before she could respond in any way she heard Bella upstairs. She knew her dads would beat her there but she wanted to go get her so she went up. When she made it to the door before she went in she heard. "Tell her." then she opened the door and Johnny walked out past her. He didn't even acknowledge that she was there. She gave her dad a look. "What was that about?" she asked curiously as she made her way to Bella who was in his lap.

Cordelia was watching his body language. "You and your sister spend way too much time here. We don't mind watching Bella or even having her here but we're stopping family dinners. Don't get me wrong I love you guys but we'd like the time to be adults." Cordelia bit down on her lower lip and she took a deep breath. "Well you know Bentley's still on the boob and I appreciate you and pops watching Bella but if it's that much of a burden I can find a baby sitter." Cordelia moved to pick Bella up but he held on to her. 'Like I said. She can stay." Cordelia shook her head. "I think it's time for us to go home." She moved to pick Bella up again but once more she was held away. Cordelia sighed. "Give me my daughter." she didn't want to sound harsh but she was sure she had. "You know your pops and I could raise her. You could sign her over to us.." he began.

Cordelia moved forward and with a swift and forceful movement she picked Bella up off of his lap. "No. If you don't want me here I'm not leaving her here. I will find other childcare." Without another word she walked out of the bedroom. She walked downstairs and she grabbed Bella's bag and she grabbed her own stuff. "Cordy wait." He began. He tried to stop her. "With your work schedule we could give her something stable." Cordelia couldn't believe what she was hearing. She moved past him. "If I forgot anything let me know. I'll get it out of your way." she walked out of the house just as Tatiana and Delilah pulled up. "Can I get a ride to my place?" she asked. When they said yes she climbed in still holding Bella since it wasn't far.

When they made it back to her place they let the kids play so they could talk. She told them what happened and she sighed. "He was so happy to just keep Bella. He wanted me to sign my rights over to Bella. They want to take her from me. For all I know they could want to do the same for Bentley so be careful." She sighed softly. "I'd be careful if I were you. He doesn't want us there but he wants our kids there." she sighed softly. "I don't know what to do. I'm not sending Bella over there without me. And when I do find childcare I'm not putting them on the list. I will put you two on but not them." she sighed. "I don't know what to do. I'm supposed to have a job in Malibu soon and I want to go do it but I think I need to hire a nanny so Bella's taken care of while I work." Cordelia sighed at the thought but she knew that was what had to be done.

[misscordeliamonroe]

Cordelia Monroe James Aesthetic. 1. Cordelia is happy with life right now. 2. Cordelia is a foodie. 3. Cordelia values being a mom and her daughter over everything. 

[misscordeliamonroe]

A letter to my egg donor.

Cordelia sat down at her vanity while Bella was playing with Benny and Sofia. She knew that Tatiana and Delilah had things under control and for that she was thankful. She had a bunch of feelings that she needed and wanted to get off of her chest. She had a couple of different people that she had feelings about that she wanted to get off of her chest but there was one that she really needed to vent to. The truth was she wasn't sure exactly how this would turn out but she felt like it was something to do. Closing her eyes she took a deep breath before pulling out some paper and a pen. She wasn't sure how long this letter would be or even how long it would take. She just knew it was something that she needed to get done for herself. She needed to get back to herself if she could. Her family deserved that much. Her daughter deserved that. Picking up the pen Cordelia began to write.

Mom,

I'm sure getting this was the last thing you expected. I'm sure you're probably wondering why I would be writing you. It's really quite simple. I'm sitting here trying to figure out what I did wrong. Where  did I go wrong? Wasn't I a good enough daughter? Did I remind you too much of a man you wanted dead? The point is I wanted to write this letter. I wanted to tell you that I do forgive you. The truth is I forgave you for choosing a man over your own child. A man over the child you bore. A man over your own flesh. What was it? Was the sex just too damn good to pass up? Did he bend to your every will? What was it that made him better than me? I'm not trying to.. I just want to know what I did wrong. Was I that bad?

Was I a child you never wanted? What could possibly possess you as a mother to let your husband abuse your child. I was between three and four when it started and I know for a fact that you knew it was going on. I told you on several occasions. "Oh no. Kevin would never do that. He loves you and he's your father. Daddies don't abuse their children." Remember. Well for one he was NEVER my father. For two. I found Gabriel James. I lived with him in New York for years. I may be grown but I still classify what he ended up doing to me as abuse too so I guess that makes him no better than Kevin, or you for that matter. Here I sit. I'm twenty-two years old and I don't have a single parent left. I hope your proud of that fact. I'm an orphan mother.

I didn't come here to complain. I came here to thank you for being the reason I have the strength I have today. I will forever protect my daughter unlike you. I will forever be there for my daughter unlike you. And I will forever LOVE my daughter unlike you. My daughter is my reason for living. My daughter is my reason for breathing. I would do anything to make sure my daughter is well taken care of. She will always come first in my life. That's what a mother should do. She should put her children's well being over herself. Why couldn't you do that for me? You did it pretty damn well for Lilah and even Knox knowing he was dad's son. What was it about me that made you not like me in such a way that you let him treat me the way he did? I tried to be good. I always did as you asked. Why me?

Maybe one day I'll get answers,

Cordelia.

Cordelia wiped tears from her eyes before folding up the paper and putting it into an envelope. She wrote her mothers last known address on the envelope and she stamped it. Without missing a beat she got up and walked downstairs. "I'll be right back." she called to her family before exiting the house. She bit down on her lower lip as she walked down to the mail box. She put the letter in and then she pulled up the little red flag indicating that the letter in there was to be mailed. She turned on her heels and she walked back inside and she sat down on the couch and she smiled at her daughter and her sister-in-law. "Sorry about that. I had to mail a letter." she said as she leaned back into the piece of furniture.

[misscordeliamonroe]

Birthday Girl.

"Mommy! Hap Birfday!" Cordelia turned over mid groan and she opened her eyes to be met with her daughters staring right into her own. Cordelia couldn't help but smile as she fought the urge to stretch. "Thank you baby girl." Then it dawned on her. Bella was coming to wake her up. She grabbed her phone and she looked at the time. She very quickly sat up in bed. "Oh my god!" she jumped up. It was after nine in the morning on her birthday. What the hell was she doing still in bed? She had a toddler to take care of and she had a cookout to get to and prepare for. It was her birthday that was true but it was also the fourth of July. A holiday she truly enjoyed. The truth was this was her birthday without a single parent around but she definitely had Delilah and she was thankful for that.

When Cordelia walked downstairs she caught a glimpse of the flowers and balloons. She had no clue that there was more than she could see. As she walked around to the kitchen in hopes of a great cup of coffee but she was greeted with even more balloons and flowers. Shock set in. "Oh my god." The truth was all this took her breath away. She turned to the counter to find donuts for breakfast. She was surprised but oh so happy. Behind her she heard Bella gasp. She turned around and she smiled. "It's pretty huh?" she asked. When Bella smiled and nodded Cordelia found a card. Happy Birthday CoCo, Love Li, T, and the kids. Cordelia couldn't stop smiling. She was so thankful for her big sister and her family. "Are you ready for breakfast?" she asked Bella who was already headed for her seat. She shook her head with a small laugh before getting her daughter a plate and putting a donut on it. Before Bella could ask for a drink Cordelia brought her some milk.

"We're going to have a busy day." Cordelia said as she made herself a cup of coffee. The two sat there eating breakfast and talking. Once they were done Cordelia let Meeko out and the two got ready for the day. Once everything was done it was time to bring Meeko in and make sure he had food and water in his kennel. Once that was done it was time to leave the house for the party she was positive her sister had worked her entire body off for. She was truly thankful to have a sister like Delilah. She was even more thankful that Delilah was still in her life though. Making their way to the destination that Delilah had picked out for the party Cordelia smiled. She had a feeling this was going to be the best fourth of July and her birthday yet and she couldn't wait.

[misscordeliamonroe]

Summer Bucket List.

Bucket list time!

Summer’s here. So is my birthday so let’s make a list of things I want to do.

Watch the fireworks with Bella. 

Just sit by the bonfire on the beach and marshmallows.

Summer means rain right? What about a kiss in the rain?

Shopping day with Delilah. We need a sister day.

Honestly making a photo board of photos with Bella, Meeko, and everyone else.

Jam out. It makes me feel like a kid again when I do.

Learn to cook some more. Learn to make better foods.

Land a new role. Working is fun. 

Travel. I would love to go on a trip somewhere.

Face one of my fears. Maybe . We’ll see on this one. Cause that’s BIG.

[misscordeliamonroe]

Happy 4th of July, Happy Birthday to me!

[misscordeliamonroe]

NAME: Cordelia Monroe James. BIRTHDATE: July, 2000 NICKNAME(S): Delia, Lia HOBBIES: Singing, Drawing. LIKES: Coffee, Sushi, Spending time with her family, hanging at the beach. DISLIKES: Liars, cheaters, anyone who associates her with her past. PLACE(S) YOU'VE BEEN: Roswell, New Mexico, Queens, New York, Malibu, California. FAVORITE COLOR(S): Lavender, Teal or aqua. FAVORITE SONG(S): Confetti - Little Mix. FAVORITE FOOD(S): Spaghetti, Lasagna, anything like that really. FAVORITE DRINK(S): Caramel Frappe, Barqs Root beer, Gryffindor shot. So good! FAVORITE ANIMAL(S): My dog Meeko. FAVORITE MEMORIE(S): Any holiday with Bella and my sister and her family. WORDS TO DESCRIBE YOU: Stubborn, Naive, Trusting, A ball of energy. DO YOU HAVE ANY WEIRD HABITS: Weird? No. I took up a boxing exercise class does that count? FIRST SCREEN NAME YOU HAD: roswell_princess00 WHAT CLICK WHERE YOU IN IN SCHOOL: I didn't have one. I just hung out with whoever I wanted. HAVE YOU EVER DYED YOUR HAIR A WEIRD COLOR: Dyed.. No but I've worn wigs of weird colors. DO YOU GAME, IF SO WHAT DO YOU PLAY: Honestly I'm a little game nerd but my game of choice is minecraft. LAST TEXT YOU SENT: Lilah is Bella ready to come home? LAST TEXT YOU RECIEVED: Your order has been received. WORST MEMORIE(S): The beginning of this year. BIGGEST REGRET(S): Not figuring things out sooner. GO TO JOKE/ICE BREAKER: I'm lame as hell. I don't have one. GO TO CANDY AT THE REGISTER: Honestly? Reeses cups. GO TO DINNER ORDER: Oh that's easy. Chicken Chalupa meal from Taco Bell.

[misscordeliamonroe]

Wind beneath Bella’s Wings.

"Hold on Bella. Mommy has to get the phone." Cordelia said to her three year old daughter as she picked up her cell phone. Staring at the screen for what felt like minutes she realized it was a number she didn't recognize. Typically she was wary of these calls but for some reason she felt like she had to pick this call up. She stared at her daughter after pushing the answer button. "Hello?" she asked curiously. "Is this Cordelia James?" Cordelia froze for a moment. Whoever was on the other and of the call sounded so official. Had her dads done what they said they wanted to do? Had they filed for custody of her daughter? She'd promised them she wouldn't keep Bella from them and she fully intended on keeping that promise. She had no intention of keeping her daughter from them. They made their decision. They didn't want Cordelia to be a part of their lives. That was fine.

The truth was it had torn her up something fierce to find this out. She'd tried to make things better but somehow managed to make things worse. She still didn't know how that happened but when it did she knew she had to pack up and get the hell out of New York. That was what was going to be best for her and her daughter. "Excuse me? Is this Cordelia James?" The person on the other end repeated which managed to pull Cordelia out of her thoughts and back to the current moment. She stared at her daughter as she replied. "Yes. This is Cordelia James. How may I help you?" she asked. She sat down all while watching Bella. She smiled at her little girl when she smiled up at her. "Mommy I love you." Bella's face lit up as she spoke. Cordelia smiled and she knew as soon as the call was over she was going to pull her daughter into her lap to give her snuggles.

"I love you too princess." she finally replied. "Ms. James. I'm sorry to inform you that your fathers dead." Cordelia froze. She was trying to figure out how to deal with the situation in front of Bella when she stood up. "Mommy I's going to potty now." Cordelia had never been more thankful that her baby girl was potty trained. As soon as Bella was out of earshot she took a deep breath. "Which one?" she asked. "Gabriel James-Michaels or Jonathan James-Michaels?" she added. "Oh I'm sorry. Both of them. I was only told that Gabriel James-Michaels was your father. Cordelia took in a deep breath and she exhaled slowly. "Biologically he is. The other adopted me though." she pointed out. She stopped. "How did they die?" She asked curiously. They'd cut her out of their life and they were mad that she'd taken Bella with her instead of leaving her with them like they'd wanted. She couldn't handle not being able to see her and she had a feeling that they would try to keep her from Bella.

"Do I need to come back to New York?" Why had she asked that question? The truth was of course she'd have to go. No matter how Juliet felt about her or her sister they'd both probably be there. Well Delilah probably wouldn't but that's because her son was far too young to remember New York. Bella on the other hand asked about her grandfathers daily. She had no idea how she was going to break this news to her. "I don't know what to tell you to do. I'm just doing my job ma'am." Cordelia sighed softly. "Okay well thank you for letting me know." Her words were solemn but she was shaking on the inside trying to figure out what to say to her three year old daughter. She was finally able to hang up the phone and when she did she sat down and started crying. "Mommy?" Cordelia looked up to see Bella right in front of her.

"Don't cry Mommy." She watched Bella grab her face and wipe her tears away before giving her a hug. Cordelia wrapped her arms back around her tiny child and she pulled her into her lap. She kissed the top of her head and she looked down into her piercing eyes. "Mommy needs to talk to you okay?" she asked. When Bella nodded she sighed but inhaled slowly. "So you know how we left New York and this is our home now?" she asked. Bella nodded. "You know how really soon Mommy was supposed to take you back to see everyone there?" she asked watching Bella's face. Bella nodded. "I want to see--" Cordelia stopped her. Cordelia looked her three year old square in the eyes as she prepared to speak. "Baby girl. Mommy has some bad news." Cordelia took a deep breath while holding her daughter close. "Do you remember how Mommy told you sometimes really bad things happen?" Bella nodded and Cordelia looked down.

"Baby girl, Mommy can't take you to see your grandfathers." she started. She could see the protest in her eyes and on her face. She sighed softly. "Mommy knows this means she's breaking a promise but she can't help it. Remember when we had that talk about bad things happening? When people go away and they can't come back?" Cordelia asked. Bella looked a little confused so Cordelia continued. "Remember heaven?" she asked. "Where Jesus is?" Bella asked. That wasn't what Cordelia was going for but it worked so she nodded. "Right. Where Jesus is." she replied. "Remember how Mommy said when someone goes there we can't see them anymore but they are watching over us?" Bella nodded. "Angels." was all she said but Cordelia nodded in response. "That's right sweetheart. They are our angels." she was fighting tears but she wanted to be strong for this part. She wanted to be strong for her little girl. She had to be strong for her. No one else could be.

Cordelia bit down on her lower lip before making sure Bella was paying attention. "Now baby girl. I want you to listen to this very carefully." she started. She kissed the top of her head and she took a deep breath. "Bella you gained two new angels to watch over you." she sighed. She watched her expression. "I has new angels?" she asked. Cordelia nodded. "Both of your grandpas' are your new angels. We can't go see them here on earth but they are definitely watching over you from heaven." Cordelia hated having to tell Bella this but that was how things were and she couldn't change it. She held her close. "They gone?" Bella asked. Cordelia nodded slowly. "Yes baby they are. But they love you so much and they are watching over you. They want to protect you and I'm hoping you will always feel them around you." she held her daughter tightly. She sat there with tears streaming down her face and she bit down on her lip again as she felt her daughter shake and cry.