Game of Hearts
Summary: You would never have imagined this but playing an Otome Game becomes a path-changing way to live your life. Every choice you make dictates the way your real life will develop, and who you'll end up with. There is only one problem: Can you navigate this 'Game of Hearts' successfully?
Pairing: Hyunjin x Fem!Reader
WC: ~4,2 K
Genre: Romance, Drama, Blurb, Friends to Lovers (?), Confession, Game
Warnings: Language, 1st person
Notes: I had fun playing with this idea. This fic was inspired by "Back to 15" and my longing to build something that'd give a sensation of choice/participation for the readers. But for now, this is just a blurb.
Every single decision you make counts.
It could be something as stupid as having a vanilla ice cream today instead of a crepe, or something more meaningful as helping someone in need instead of turning your back away. It's terrifying, yet fulfilling. When you pile enough of those decisions, it becomes a part of you, a defining trait. Looking back, you may wonder: Wow, did I really do that? And in that moment, you could find yourself either smiling or shedding tears as you contemplate your past.
It's amazing, really, how much power we hold in our hands.
And frightening.
Not the kind of fear you experience when there's a loud thud outside your door, and you convince yourself that it was probably the cat or the wind. No, it's the fear that creeps in when you trail an unfamiliar path, risking a wrong way to a place you have never been before. It's that feeling you have when you can't help but wonder if you made the right choice. It's those haunting thoughts that make you question why you're taking so long to get there. It's the way your heartbeats fly through the window by the possibility of being left behind, all by yourself, as people move on, as they drift away.
The fear of moving forward or walking back.
Paralyzing, yet thriving.
"So? What's taking you so long?" Hyunjin uncrosses his arms, leaning back on his hands and inadvertently shifting my bed. Naturally, my body follows suit, sinking into the hollow he made.
Our shoulders bump.
It's nothing new, a familiar occurrence among friends. I've bumped shoulders with him a hundred times before. But it's different. Now, I feel every inch of my bare skin in contact with his, and inch by inch our arms connect. Suddenly, I miss the winter uniform and its sleeves going all the way down to my elbows, shielding me from the sizzling heat ignited by our skin-to-skin contact. A heat that spreads from my arms to my neck and face. A heat that swelters me. It is hot in here, isn't it?
The concept of a summer uniform seems pointless right now.
"Want me to take the lead?" Hyunjin's fingers brush against mine, breaking my reverie. My eyes snap to his fingers, to his face, to his eyes; searching for any traces of change in his behavior.
Instead, I find that mischievous, familiar sparkle in his eyes.
I quickly avert my gaze back to the screen, making a point not to lock eyes with him for more than two seconds.
Turns out he only needed one and a half to dazzle me.
Before me, three options gleam with white letters on a blurry scenario, backed by a soothing piano tune in the background. I hover my selection between the first two. The letters glow brighter as I shift through each one: Bad Boy and then Nerd. Carefully, I read the third one: Childhood Friend.
Hyunjin's face flashes back to my thoughts.
I catch myself gauging the glimmer of every little star sprinkling his eyes. I try not to notice how adorable he looks as his eye bags turn puffier than ever, his playfulness shining through them. He was just making fun of me, teasing me as he always does.
Classic Jinnie.
"You're not taking me seriously" Deflect your thoughts, I scold myself, "This isn't the time for games, Hyunjin" His gaze scans my face, as if he suddenly realizes I'm not just jesting.
"Hyunjin" He mutters under his breath, not low enough for my ears to miss. It's amusing how worked up he gets at something so silly, but I can't afford to be diverted by his antics, not with so much at stake, "I mean, it's a little hard to take you seriously when you're fooling around so much!" He snatches the joystick from my hand and toggles between the options. "How could this game change your life?" He scoffs, hovering over 'Childhood Friend'.
"Give it back!" I slap him, snatching the joystick back.
His intense gaze burns into my face.
"What?" I grumble, shifting my attention to the options, as I toggle between them, trying to distract myself from the way he's scrutinizing me, "What?" I repeat impatiently, still avoiding his gaze.
"You're... Snappy" He remarks, leaning forward in an attempt to catch my eyes. I flick my glance towards him and then back to the screen, then back to him, and then... "Do you..." He clears his throat, adjusts his collar, and swallows dryly, "Have a crush on me or something?" He fidgets, and I have enough.
"Really?" This time, I feel obliged to look at him. My expression morphs into an exasperated grimace, and Hyunjin seems to ease back in his seat.
"Well, I don't know!" He raises his hands, trying to defend himself, "You invite me into your room and get all flustered, silent, snappy, and weird! What do you want me to think?!"
"I'm not flustered!" My protest falls on deaf ears.
"You literally avoided my gaze for like five minutes, and there are just the two of us in this room" He gestures exageratedly around my bedroom to make his point, "And I'm sorry if I sound conceited right now, but I think I'm much more interesting than anything in here for you to avoid me this much. So, yeah! Excuse me if I thought you were about to confess or something"
"Hyunjin, get your head out of your ass for a second," I plead so genuinely that it draws a snort out of him, "I'm not confessing, stop freaking out"
"I'm not freaking out, and stop calling me Hyunjin!" He protests, and I sigh heavily.
"Ok, Jinnie" I roll my eyes but I notice his features brightening up, "Will you listen to me now?" I look into his eyes, and our gazes lock together as in a determined handshake.
We seal an unspoken deal. His expression shifts into something more sober, conveying his trust despite how insane I sound. His hand gently rests on top of my thigh, offering reassurance, and then he nods encouragingly.
"I'm listening" It's a promise.
"Somehow..." I'm at a loss for words. How could I even begin to describe whatever the fuck was happening in my life right now? "I mean... I think... Somehow..." He waits patiently, still locked in my gaze, "Could you look away for a sec?" I clear my throat, breaking eye contact as I try to gather my thoughts, "What I mean is..."
"Are you sure this isn't a confession?" He jokes lighthearted, trying to ease my mood.
"Hyunjin" I summon the courage to meet his eyes again. He seems bothered by the way I say his name, his fingers subtly gripping my thigh. His eyes darken, and he shakes his head slightly, as if to dispel a shiver, "Jinnie" I correct myself, but he doesn't seek my eyes again, and the warmth of his touch recedes, "I'm scared" I confess, nervously nibbling on my lower lip.
He doesn't say a word.
Of course, he doesn't. What could he possibly say? He has no idea what I'm trying to say, and I don't know how to make him understand me. Or believe me.
"Y/N" He coaxes, leaning forward to examine my face, "Trust me"
"I do, it's just..." I clear my throat again, inhaling deeply until it starts to hurt too much to keep breathing in. Then, I let it all out in a heavy sigh before studying his face, "You wouldn't believe me. Heck, I wouldn't believe me" I admit, praying for God that I could at least say something that made sense at this point, "I think... I know that this game has the power to change my future" I say in one breath, hoping it could fix any misunderstandings.
Silence.
Hyunjin stares blankly at me, almost as if he's in a daze. He fixes himself on his seat, shifting his gaze to the screen, completely absent-minded. I can't decipher his expression. Is he questioning my sanity, debating whether to call an ambulance or simply taking everything in? When he finally returns his gaze to me, I still have no idea about what is going on in his mind.
He opens his mouth and then closes it.
He does it again.
Then again.
"I know it's hard to believ—" He raises his finger to cut me off.
"Let me just check something" He takes a deep breath, closing his eyes, and then opening them to focus on me, "Are you on drugs?" I start to protest, making a strangled, high-pitched noise in my throat. Hyunjin gestures for me to stop, "Okay, right. Just had to make sure"
"Look" I groan, taken by the anger of not being able to convey my point, "I don't know how to explain it, okay? My life is somehow connected to this Otome Game. Each time I choose one option, someone in real life falls for me" I pause, allowing him some time to process this information.
"Y/N..." Hyunjin ponders his words carefully. His expression shifts through a range of emotions as he searches for something tactful to say. It's crystal clear that he is struggling with that, and about half a minute later, he finally gives up, "This is just insane" He declares, his eyes widening to emphasize his disbelief, as if attempting to shake me out of a reverie.
"Hyunjin" I take his hand on mine, diving into his eyes to show him my unwavering conviction, "I've never been so sure of anything in my life. I tried to deal with it by myself, but right now, I need a friend. I need you, okay?"
"Y/N, you'll always have a friend in me, but I can't pretend I believe in this shit. This is just crazy, you know that, right?" He squeezes my hands into his, returning my look earnestly, "There's no way a game can change the reality"
"I know that" I nod, and he seems relieved for a second, "But it's happening, Hyunjin. I'm not insane, I can assure you of that much"
"I'll probably regret this, but..." He takes a deep breath, letting out a heavy sigh, "What makes you so sure?"
"Before, when I played it, I went for the Bad Boy" I start my explanation, which seems to already bore him. I hope he's patient enough to hear me out, "And Minho hit on me. You know he doesn't even look my way at school!" Hyunjin doesn't react to it. I click my tongue but continue, "Then, I went for Nerd and Chan came to talk to me in the library. He was super nice and giggly! I swear to God he had the heart eyes" Once again, Hyunjin isn't impressed, "And then I went for Childhood Friend..." I glance at him shyly but he doesn't let me finish.
"So, let me throw a new perspective in here" He puckers his lips, then sucks them in, pursing them as he hums sarcastically, "Did it ever cross your mind that they might have a crush on you, and it was all just a coincidence?" He arches his eyebrows meaningfully, suggesting that he has just figured everything out. I roll my eyes.
"Alright, this isn't working" I fix my eyes on the ceiling, trying to gather all my thoughts and not just punch him and send him to hell. I pop my lips, clenching my jaw before looking at him before pleading, "Do you trust me?" He frowns but nods anyway, "Then, let me show you, cuz words alone can't and won't convince you"
"Go on" He shrugs his shoulders, "Show me" His disdain boils my blood, but I don't let it show on my face. At least, I hope not.
I hesitated for a moment, then selected 'Childhood Friend'.
The screen transitioned to a new scenario. The boy on screen looked nothing like Hyunjin, not a single strand of his hair, but his teasing smile and soft eyes were uncannily similar. Still, this wasn't convincing enough. Hyunjin slowly looked at me, grinning at me with oozing confidence, as if challenging me: "See? Nothing changed" His silence spoke volumes.
I keep my eyes on the game, contemplating the scene. It's a bedroom, different from mine, yet the characters were in the same position as us, sitting side by side in dreadful silence.
I've noticed you're getting closer to Reno. He says, casting a glance at the main female character. Is there something going on between you?
Hyunjin's eyebrow twitched, and he shot me a questioningly, curious, and troubled look: "Were you going for Minho before?" He scoffs, but his attempt at humor falls flat. I duck my head between my shoulders, shrugging unsurely.
"Yeah?" I admit reluctantly, avoiding eye contact. It's embarrassing to seek the most obvious choice: The bad boy with a good heart.
"Oh" He delivers quietly, "I see"
Despite the tension in the air, this isn't enough to prove my point, to make him believe in me. So I selected the option that would further test the game's impact on Hyunjin. No. Hyunjin fixes his posture but doesn't say or show anything else.
Oh! I see. Ironical, isn't it? I look at him with a smug face. So... You're just friends, right?
Hyunjin holds his breath, his eyes trained on the screen. There were three options for me to choose but one of them seemed to pop to him. He didn't say anything, but I could feel him restless by my side. The turmoil set inside his mind was evident. Something in the situation fascinates him and has his thoughts wandering.
Not as good friends as us! I scrutinize the option, knowing that this wouldn't set the romantic tone. It was a good thing to save both of us from further problems but it wasn't convincing enough.
Skip.
I... I might have a crush on him. The heartbreaking option. The tone would make me lose some affection points. Not the answer I wanted to give nor the one Hyunjin wanted to receive.
Skip.
Of course... I... I like someone else. The right answer. The one that would set the tone for something more vulnerable and heartwarming. The uncertainty would prompt him to seek answers, to unravel the truth. Who did my character like then?
Hyunjin digs his fingers into the mattress.
I go back to option number two.
Lock.
I couldn't risk losing his friendship and complicating things any further in real life. This should be enough to make him understand, right? It was already obvious that he was yearning for something more, for something that he wouldn't seek if it wasn't the game. It stirred something within him. Was it enough, though?
Unexpectedly, Hyunjin stands up.
"Jeez!" I bring my hand to my heart, startled.
"I have to go" He blurts, making his way to my door.
"Wait!" I reach for him, grabbing his wrist, "What happened?!"
"I don't wanna talk about it" He replied, not looking me in the eyes.
"Jinnie, what happened?" I ask softly, and he softens up with my tone.
"I don't wanna be alone with you right now" He turns back, diving directly into my eyes. I have never seen his gaze so... Disturbed. There was a storm inside his eyes, "I can't afford to be alone with you right now" He corrected himself.
"What do you mean?" I ask, confused by his reaction. This shouldn't go this way, I dismissed his character, diverted from any romantic engagement. It shouldn't develop any more feelings.
"This is some weird shit" He laughs humorlessly, as if trying to escape from his tension, "But I believe you"
"It's fine" I reassure him, taking a step closer. My hand finds its way to his cheeks, and I can see the muscles on his neck pulling, determined not to allow him to indulge in my touch, "I won't ever choose you again" It's a promise to protect our friendship, but it doesn't set too well on him.
"That's not what..." He gulps down, taking my hand away from his face, "I don't want you to choose anyone else"
It's a confession, isn't it? Plain and clear, echoing in my room.
"Oh my God, I'm so sorry, I..." I panic. My heart pounds inside my chest, reverberating all the way up to my throat, making my voice tremble, "It's just the game. Don't take it too seriously; it'll go away as I play—"
"It won't" His voice is unwavering, unlike mine. The turmoil in his eyes settles down; the calm after the storm. "My feelings for you... It wasn't the game. They were already there" He admits earnestly, with no armor to protect his feelings.
"No, no" It's my turn to laugh nervously, "You don't know what you're talking about. The game is playing tricks on you"
"Y/N," He says very seriously, holding both of my hands and bringing me closer, as if to convey the sincerity in his words, "I've always had feelings for you" Another confession. This doesn't make sense. That wasn't the path the game should be taking us, "I've never had the guts to face them, so I shoved them aside, pretending every single one of those feelings was nothing but a manifestation of friendship" Hyunjin's hands were slippery, or maybe that's me. Either way, I slip away from his grip.
"I don't believe you" I mutter under my breath, not strong enough to say anything above a whisper.
"Do you trust me?" He pleads the way I did before.
How can I say no to this?
"I do" The truth slips from my lips, falling with a thud between us.
"Then, let me show you" Another low blow. He knows how to sweep me off my feet.
With Hyunjin's words hanging in the air, the room seems to grow smaller, and the gap between our bodies diminishes until it fades away. On the other hand, my senses seem to expand, and every little thing becomes overwhelming. The way my emotions whirlwind, but refrain from unleashing, gusting inside my ribcage and shrinking my heart, which fights for its life, racing in a way it never did. The tick-tack of a clock in the back of her mind, or the back of my room, I can't tell. It counts the second to something that might tear my world apart. The way Hyunjin stands his ground, his expression sincere and vulnerable, his look lovingly enough to melt all of my worries away.
At some level, I realize I don't want it to be some game side effects.
"Hyunjin" My whisper breaks the silence like a screech. Both of us snap back to reality, and neither of us can face one another in this scenario, so I face the floor.
"Holy shit" He digs his fingers in my shoulders, and I can feel the way a shiver runs down his spine, making his body tremble, "When you call me by my name..." He takes a deep breath and lets it catch in his throat instead of finishing his sentence.
"Jinnie" I offer instead, and his hand finds its way to the back of my head. I shriek.
"Stop playing it, pause the game" He pleads, "It'll prove that my feelings have nothing to do with your choices" He places a kiss on my forehead.
"I've already tried" I admit, fighting my urge to be venturous, to explore everything unveiled before my eyes, to indulge in the practicality of letting him love me, to leave my problems behind, "But my life resets to the moment I played it for the first time. I'm trapped in a loop" There is a pain in my voice that he can't understand, but he can feel, so he hugs me thighter.
"So just choose me" It's a simple request, isn't it?
"Hyunjin..." I find the courage to look him in the eyes, and suddenly, I feel compelled to say: "I don't know if I love you that way. I can't simply put you through this. I'll keep choosing you and then what? We'll be married with two kids? When does it end? Do we want to end up together like this?" I feel like the words are gushing out my mouth, splattering like my feelings, but they're not. My speech is calm and composed, and it's so sober that Hyunjin steps back.
"I do" He admits, averting his eyes from mine. He knows that my answer wouldn't be the same as his, "But you have someone else in mind, don't you?" His tone isn't accusative, but the insinuation itself is.
"What do you mean?" I ask, confused by his antics. His arms slowly untangle from around me.
"You might have a crush on someone else, isn't that right?" His tone is bitter, catching me off guard. When I see his eyes fixed on the screen, everything comes together.
"Minho?!" I'm baffled. So much that I can't further elaborate on that, "I was choosing him just because! There's no deeper meaning in that"
"Yet, he's the first one you mention" He finally turns his gaze back to me, and I can see the hurt staining his eyes.
"Hyunjin, that's not..." But he doesn't let me finish.
"You know what?" He fakes a smile, shrugging as if the situation didn't matter after all, "You might be right. This all was just the game talking" He chuckles, gesturing for me to let it go, "I don't know where my mind was" his smile widens but it doesn't reach his eyes.
Hyunjin turns away, ready to leave my room.
"Wait, Hyunjin!" I rush to him, taking him by the hand. Hyunjin snatches it away with one wave of his arm, "That's not what's happening at all! I don't know who I like, I don't have a crush on any of you"
There is a single thought running through my mind: I don't wanna lose Hyunjin. I don't wanna lose Hyunjin. I don't wanna lose Hyunjin. It's hammering inside my head, giving me a migraine.
"You don't look good in white lies" He stops, his hand on the doorknob, "So don't lie to me, 'cuz our friendship always meant more than that" He doesn't turn back to look at me, but I know his eyes are tearing up, because his voice is breaking.
"I'm not lying" I pray for someone to make him understand.
"That's okay, Y/N" He mutters, turning the doorknob, "We're good friends. You didn't lose me"
But I did.
Each crackle my doorknob made as he opened the door felt like a bullet to my heart, all carrying the same message: I'm losing him, don't let him go! I'm losing him, don't let him go! I'm losing him, don't let him go!
Then, Hyunjin closes the door behind him.
I lost him.
I stood there, frozen in the middle of my room, as the sound of the closing door echoed in my ears like a ghost haunting my thoughts. My bedroom, which used to be a sanctuary of our friendship, was now reduced to crumbs and ashes, violated by something much greater than us. The room grew insufferably bigger until it felt emptier than it had ever been. My insides mimicked my surroundings, and tears welled up in my eyes as I missed Hyunjin's heat beside me. Suddenly, I miss the winter uniform again, although for different reasons.
I collapse onto my bed, feeling the weight of my feelings down on me along with the reality. Through my blurred vision, I stare at the screen, wondering why this game had happened to me. Finally, I allow my tears to flow, soaking my pillow, which muffles my wails.
Was it a bad ending? Did I screw up my friendship with Hyunjin? Should I stop playing and go back in time, reset all of this?
I wipe my tears away, looking back at the screen.
Chapter's 1 Reward Unlocked: First Confession!
Status: Bad Ver.
Jin can't stop thinking about what you said: You might like someone else. Was it Reno? Did that smug, insensitive guy conquer your heart in so little time? Jin can't let this happen! Snatching your heart is his only way to take you back. Did your heart flutter with his confession? He hopes so but knows better than to force you into this. Perhaps, he'll have another opportunity, when your heart belongs a little more to him and less to that prick Reno. But that depends on you. Who'll you choose next? The future is in your hands.
I stare blankly at the gleaming words.
Slowly but surely, small pieces of a puzzle start to connect inside my mind. There was no good outcome to follow up on my choice. All along, Hyunjin was supposed to be hurt by the possibility of me liking Minho. All along, there was no way you would connect on a deeper level because I was meant to lose points. It didn't matter how truthful our feelings were, or how kindly we tried to expose our views.
The future is in your hands.
Whatever my future was, it wasn't mine to take yet.
Not without conquering it in that damn game.
