MIXERFAN

It's more than I think so

[mixerfan]

“Hey, really quick. I know i get hung up sometimes, and that you are naturally a happy person and seriously a gift to my world. So it’s totally fine if you can’t get back to me but eventually do because I get so much happier knowing your still in my world. 🌎 “

-My heart

[mixerfan]

Teeth

We were in jail,

You got released first

A traveling acrobat

a wondering sun

Fourteen minuets wrapped in cotton bed rolls

Join my speed of timing,

saving silver memories.

The teeth in your smile,

reminds me of you.

[mixerfan]

F***ing A, A+

What a let down, aspirations unfettered man

I shake and quake inside my chest

Poor set of rituals, the many words I cuss

What the fuck do I have to do with any of us

I’m a bleep show, at this freak show

Cash money motions

All over my folding emotion

I showed up, Then gave up

Trusting the payout wouldn’t meet right

Cut off beside your worse, expectations on my ethereal birth, a list I sent to you first

A list you can’t regard, Left me scared and powerless

3 sheets of paper to keep safe, invaluable.

Staging my reputations swift shut down

Hollow words lost my security, a dream, a life.

A lifetime.

Now hollow from broken foundations tumbling like a cement truck in your life.

[mixerfan]

Pull the trigger

You were poisoned just to premeditate a cuter time.

The time in my life without you.

The annoying freak show.

I urge you to jump off any clift.

In my head, you are surrounding,

All my day dancing and blurbing like a bumbling idiot.

So I lock myself in my closet, I put on music, imagining what anybody would say about you.

Dirty shirtless hippie, waste punk dancing circles.

You’re in my room. By code I can’t suppress you,

Nay sayers could say I’m being unfair.

So at last, I wage no more efforts on you.

Your mindless Babel and frolicking because you can.

[mixerfan]

Two Hours Away, a poem-

Two hours away, I will find you

Two hours away, I will be in the city

Two hours away, every Friday we come together

Two hours from there, I find myself home

Two hours each way, I get a clue this time

Two hours each way, I stay connected

Two hours each way, makes no difference

Two hours I stay, so I can manage life

Two hours away, I ride on transportation

Two hours away, My dates await my arrival

Two hours each day, feels like no time to take away

Each moment I stay online with my own preference

[mixerfan]

Fast Pass

Who ever said to take time with everything you do is probably still working the situation they're in. Not me, I find that the more energy you put into the way you want things, and appreciate the way things go, you will see how fast your life will change. You will be in love.

[mixerfan]

Hana's Cellophane

She came by with a friend from college. The usual stoner type with burnt fingernails. Molly promised not to bring her around anymore, being she would frequently be a damper during a random adventure. Hana was pretty tho, a violet purple cape, dark hair, and eyes that grounded whoever got stuck in a conversation about drug dealers or free rides.

"Hey" I smile d at Molly. She gestured good tidings welcoming me to a 420 smoke-out. I hoped for something better. "Hey, Hanna's got bud." Molly exclaimed.

"Is that true Hanna? You have bud? I don't believe you, please show me." Hanna pulls out a wad of one dollar bills, a guitar pick and a pack of half used matches, and a cigarette cellophane stuffed tight and must have heated the lining up with a lighter because it was all sealed up with Lime green canibus with frosted white hairs.

I got out my pipe, and handed it to them. " I'm not going to smoke." I said. "I'm paranoid enough as it is, can't you tell I'm a total damper.. FUCK!"

I tripped and skinned my knee.

[mixerfan]

Love is uncomfortable, its beautiful, its a story Love is what it is, it’s scary, it’s fleeing, it’s freeing, its staying, it’s beautiful and it’s instant or its aged in years but has changed shapes and sizes. I have all these memories of love, family love, friendship love, mankind and planet love, animal love, music and going to the movies love, food love. Hair and photography love. When it comes to boy loving boy love, or souls loving souls, I seem to run. I want someone to love me but when I find myself in tangles of love (not that tangles is bad) I just screw it all up, I know a lot of people that do. I know a lot of people that don’t. As this year comes to end I have prayed for self love, I have prayed for my past loves, I prayed a new prayer… I prayed for love. The kind I see when I find myself staring at couples that have been together for ages. A comfortable love. A true love. A buffer free love, the love that rises above. I prayed for the cuddler of all cuddlers to come my way. It was a great day and night. This is the way I felt after you left. I love you

[mixerfan]

"I'M FRUSTRATED BY THE CHEMICAL."

-ANONYMOUS

[mixerfan]

Double occupancy: breathless

I woke up screaming “Call 9-1-1!”. Relieved it was just a dream, I could still feel it’s presents. I humbly requested it to “please leave now”, and could see it’s negative gamma form exit for the doorway. Specs of reflected light streaked across my peripheral view. As I write this I’m immersed in the late dark hour. The thickness of dark matter, dense fog and soft muted lights streaked by shadows, an oddly, this article is the most realistic description of my true reality.

Last night there were a number of things that led to my bad dream and vivid emotions. And before I went to bed, I had to turn the lights on a few times, and open my eyes every few seconds to notice a translucent deflection of light play tricks.

In my dream I was taking pictures and it was pitch black but I could see the edges of the room. It looked like an inverted image, or line drawing of the room. In my dream it was the same visions I feel when I am in the dark.

The field of energy mixed with conscious visual connectivity came over me. The double occupancy made it hard for me too speak. I got sleep paralysis and was panicked of what I could do. I remember trying to wake up and in total terror of not being able to speak or move. That when I woke up screaming out that phrase. The reality is, I am okay. Still I shouted fully demanding it to go.

[mixerfan]

The way he says I love you feels like warm breath on the back of my neck. His eyes smile when doing anything. Yesterday I watched him feed the ducks Cheetos. He offered me some before he crushed them up and threw them over the ground. Every date we’ve had is true in memory, something perfect and notable, truly. My discomfort with intimacy is quick to decay. My warm arms wrap around him to dysfunction letting go. The patterned way he walks away, makes it easy for me to catch him. He escapes from what I don’t remember. The things I can’t explain, the reasons I want to keep him. A glimpse past his dark clothes, and white skin and neon hair, I catch a smile that freedom chase forever to see. I think we’re lucky.

[mixerfan]

Nothing has a point. If you don’t get it and your definitely under water, aim for under the bridge. Take Passion for the things you say (patching up on my old ways). I forget the lyrics but this picture is unforgettable.

-Anonymous bleep.

[mixerfan]

Looking out my window, watching the alley way behind my building, thinking of today. I set a family Christmas party and invited everyone. It was a tough day... I tested their response to see if I was taken seriously in my family, or if I will ever be taken seriously. I didn't show up to the event I put together. As I was looking out my window tonight, I saw the lights on people's porches blinking hazy colorful LED's and my fan was blowing on me, I was thinking how happy I am this season with all the choices I've made and the places I've went in the past few weeks. Nothing more could make it better than it already was. Just then my Grandmother text me to ask about the event I planned. I said " There you are! " Holding on to Christmas can be a self made memory and everything that goes along with it is Christmas.

[mixerfan]

French fry

The elements of my neighborhood can be closer to a day in Paris. So much to see, many people and new new foods. The water holds sanctuary to the many native birds that own half of the man made shore.

Elephants and escalators are very different. Both you can ride on, and both are quite large.

I can almost be certain that I haven't seen much of a circus lately. Smooth styling. The weird things are leaving.

L.A. is becoming more and more lived in, urban, and prosperous. Even in drug tent cities, people are happy. Every where I go, people are happy. I smile because I am.

I hope you can be too.

[mixerfan]

Drive bye

Streams of gusts, what did you expect. Such short time and I haven’t forgotten. How come things left unsaid are not only unknown. I don’t know.

Fast rides and I can only say it with a grin. Simple notions of teleconecting anything and everything as long as they’re not words. You always say them right.

ILOVEGOD.

[mixerfan]

Him in December

Him in December. New safe and hearts beating. Let me explain one thousand yesses converted in to confusion tipped with mentionable me. He holds back, and still holds on…

All of my years the pages never passed through to the next chapter. How coy we all are in the way the second hand turns and one day points at I love you. Or if the first question you ever ask someone is can I kiss you? The sound of his voice on the phone is like a friend from every school I ever went to. His smile is so corrupt and beautiful. His glow beams magazines and kisses scented like scratch and sniff cotton candy.

I know I’m way to fast, but I need to enjoy the dream. And never wake up until the clock stops again.

The lie inside my heady chest turns and tries to warn me. I love my genetic pause to reproduce. Can I perfect the chemistry any more we ask God. I’m happy and prosperous. Wishes can be everyday if you let them. Doesn’t that make complete sense? Everyday, just not yesterday. Smile. Or jump. Into... not off.

[mixerfan]

Above and beyond

The better you are at everything, the easier things get. Halos fill the arena with a pinkish glow. "Will she remember?"

"Will she see this?" A snipet of the melodrama that plays on in my head. Sounds of laughter circling bubble dreams and high stake vacations. "Oh look over there, beyond the point of.. " well I don't know, I stopped listening.

That's the phrase that keeps me on my toes. Stumbling blindly we tried forgiveness at every turn. "Alice, you seem to forget, the road less traveled is soon forgotten, and there for, can only matter to those which may have crossed them."

She and I could smoke the tit off a witch. We are very close and now she is covered in home made wishes, and long disturbing phone calls.

Hello up there! Hello! Hevens only knows what she thinks of this. Will she even laugh over the funny parts. Like me, I smile absurd truths in the face of angels. "Sweet pointless silver silent films. I'm never in them since anyway. "