Hydrate or diedrate, folks.

[mmmarchingmmband]

"I’m going to find out where you live, sneak into your house while you’re sleeping, and shove protein powder down your throat."

[mmmarchingmmband]

(showing a white screen when signing up for something) "Wait, my phone is privileged."

“Dude it’s white”

"Yeah exactly"

[mmmarchingmmband]

“They’re dead!” “So? Just because you’re dead doesn’t mean you have to be disrespectful.”

[mmmarchingmmband]

This is the last Dr H stuff I have until he comes back (hopefully he does)

“I’m Flute 28, only my mom loves me.”

“If I believed in hugs, we’d have a group hug right now. But they’re gross, so no.”

“Trombone Jack! You win the trivia! You get a gift card to Chipoooootttttllleeee! It’s only 2 dollars.”

“If you don’t have feelings, go buy some. They’re probably BOGO. BOGO is life.”

[mmmarchingmmband]

More Dr. H stuff because we stan

“The goal is not to just be better than them-” “YES IT IS” “Ah ah ah, you didn’t let me finish. What I was going to say is The goal is to be so much better than them that there’s no competition.”

“This is just like Dancing with the Stars, except you’re not famous and there’s no money.”

“Stop staring! Have you never seen a boy cry? I’m kidding, he’s not crying. But stop staring.”

[mmmarchingmmband]

“Do either of you know how to strap a microwave to your foot?”

[mmmarchingmmband]

On the bus for the DC trip

“You lost a sushi tray?” 

“We lost a TRASH CAN”

[mmmarchingmmband]

Person 1: “I met John Lennon.”

{at the same time}

Person 2: “Yeah, well I met Paul McCartney.”

Person 3: “Who’s that?”

[mmmarchingmmband]

When it rains, we either go inside for no reason because it doesn’t end up raining or we get poured on because we didn’t go inside when the thunder first happened (we wait for lightning).

So one day we heard it, and a snare behind me announced “10 points if you get struck by lightning, 50 if you get paralyzed.”

I turned and asked what happens if I die: “That’s 1000 points and you win the game.”

[mmmarchingmmband]

Last year, there was a part in our show where we got to walk crazy for a couple measures. During rehearsal we were going over it and Mr. W said, “Normally I point out the all star marchers but this time you need to have fun walking. IN FACT, I’m going to call out all the deadbeats.”

[mmmarchingmmband]

Nik just sent me a video of him doing a puzzle of Mr. W’s face on the Return of the Jedi movie poster.

I don’t think any of us are listening as intently as we should be.

[mmmarchingmmband]

Some Great Things In A Leadership Meeting

Dr. H, who is a great man and who helped us out last band camp, picked some of us to instruct him on how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Some features follow. Bold is Dr. H.

"Open the bread" [rips it open] "That's not what I meant" But that's what you said

"Put some peanut butter on the bread, adding some more if you need it." [the bread looks awful- the center has a very thin spread of it] I think that looks very attractive!

"Scoop out some jelly" [scoops out half the jar onto one slice of bread]

"Take some of the jelly off and put it on the table" [wet smack]

"Go like this" [claps hands together] [yet another wet smack]

[mmmarchingmmband]

“I’m not getting motivation-”

“Unless they sell it on Amazon.”

[mmmarchingmmband]

“Imagine having two X chromosomes.”

“Imagine having an even number of chromosomes.”

“Imagine standing in a section that’s not even yours, Nathan.”

“Imagine picking on someone for where they stand. That’s so mean.”

[mmmarchingmmband]

“When I graduate, I’m going to move to Columbia and become an alcoholic.”

[mmmarchingmmband]

Our squad leader and band captain (yay Cassie) has decided to give us stickers when we do awesome stuff in squad. Whoever has the most at the end of season is getting a prize. So Ryan saw them and asked what the prize was. This is what followed.

Ryan: “Cassie what’s the prize?”

Me: “She said she’s coming up with something better than her love and affection.”

R: “I want a date with Cassie.”

Cassie: “NO Ryan NO why would anyone want that??”

M: “YES Cassie, you have to. Ryan’s gonna die soon. He has cancer he has two weeks to live you have to don’t deny him this.” (He doesn’t actually, but it came out of my mouth. Sorry if you’re offended.)

R: “Cassie, it’s my Make A Wish, you have to.”

M: “He has one condition though, right Ryan? You can’t take him to Waffle House.”

C: “Why would anyone go to Waffle House on a date?”

R: “Don’t take me to Waffle House, it’s my last date, I want to go somewhere fancy. I’m a classy bitch. Take me to Cracker Barrel.”

[mmmarchingmmband]

“You’re not God. I think I’d know.”

“Oh yeah? Well I’ve met him.”