Sometimes it feels like CC and the fans are involved in an ongoing wizard war, or fairy battle or something, and in my less crabby moments it is actually hilarious, like we’re all just using our magic as hard as we can, and frankly, our side is winning:
CC: Mulder and Scully broke up and their relationship is reset to where it was in Season 3! *zap*
Fans: Hm actually no they didn’t! They did get married though! *zap*
CC: Mulder was suffering from a brain disease throughout all of Season 7! Surprise!
Fans: Huh? Never heard of that, sorry *erase*
CC: We never reeeeeaaaally found out who the father of William was…
Fans: We did though, it was Mulder, we witnessed them having sex in Chili’s and that was how William was conceived, I remember it vividly *creates fan wiki reflecting this*
CC: Mulder and Scully separately sat alone in their separate residences mourning their son (or…WAS HE their son)
Fans: Well, that’s one opinion, but actually, Mulder and Scully sat together under a blanket in the Unremarkable House drinking cocoa and listening to NPR while their children, Emily and William, built a snowman out in the yard
CC: Monica Reyes is working for the dark side! A BRILLIANT PLOT TWIST!
Fans: What?? That doesn’t sound right, especially since Scully and Monica kept in touch after leaving the FBI and are now best friends. Try again.
CC: Also, get ready for the most mindblowing plot twist of all: CSM IS WILLIAM’S TRUE FATHER! AHAHAHAHA! *thunder crashes* I’ve been planning this for 18 years and did not just think of it 4 days before filming started!
Fans: *cast blocking spell* I can’t wait to see what happens when Season 11 premieres on January 10!
DD (in a Comic Con interview): Happily married couple Fox and Dana were fired from the FBI in 1999 because they were unable to solve any cases. They retired to a cottage and adopted 11 dogs. I, a genius, recall this with absolute clarity. I also have it on good authority that someone close to the production spec-wrote several tie-in novels on this topic at one time.
GA: Really? Well, if you say so. All I know is, they have had a LOOOOooooOOOOOooooooOOOT of sex. I’ve seen drawings of it that are fact-based that independently confirm this.
DD: Well, obviously. I’ve also seen SEVERAL music videos in which we kiss a lot and gaze at each other tenderly, so, it seems pretty clear-cut.
GA: Speaking of, David, I looked all through the house set and I couldn’t find where Mulder and Scully put their canon Octopus Porn. Do you know?
CC (powers growing weaker) Whoooooooo is the fatherrrrrrrrrr
Fans: *toast each other with Shiner Bock, the official beer of Mulder and Scully canonically consummating their relationship*
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