[screenwriter]

me adding 8 cloves of garlic instead of the 2 required for the recipe

[striders]

i CANNOT stop thinking about this job ad. i am absolutely losing it over the implication that someone is going to apply to this job who 1) loves chasing birds and 2) is disturbingly competetive about it

[theweirdwideweb]

[dwight-schrutes]

one of the most underrated characters in tv history 

[maeborowski]

[heaven4d]

Sol Koroleva 𝓈𝒽𝑒𝓇 @soldatsot https://twitter.com/soldatsot/status/1123606012060098561

[zombietango]

[thoodleoo]

my absolute favorite thing about pliny the elder is the sheer comedic effect that results from an ancient roman who thought that there were only like 170 fish in the sea claiming that the romans knew everything about the world around them. like in one paragraph he’ll say something like ‘isn’t it astounding how much we know about the world!’ and in the next breath he’ll by like ‘and now here is a list of animals that have no blood in their body during certain times of the year’ and it never fails to kill me every time

[hashtagloveloses]

admit it, we were all primed to hate america from the start because that fucker in Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron tried to hurt the horse and they made sure to put that American flag RIGHT THERE IN THE SHOT and then follow it with some BLATANT AND AWFUL RACISM…..they would not have the balls to release that movie now….the bryan adams bops……the female directors….the blatant american colonialism callout…….a masterpiece of american cinema

[flockofdoves]

i love linguistics

[strangehunger]

love how all of hozier’s lyrics imply that either a. he will one day be murdered and buried by the hands of his lover, a beautiful and mysterious woman who renders him utterly powerless or b. it’s already happened

[catilinasuggestions]

as the saying goes: one man’s “"conspiracy”“ is another man’s Economic Policies That The First Man Happens Not To Like

[bahrains]

it’s so difficult not being able to use milennial humor in a corporate setting. like i made a mistake today and i wanted to tell my supervisor it’s because i suffer from Dumb Bitch Disease, but do you think that would fly?? fuck no. i gotta say shit like, “sorry for the misunderstanding!” i can’t wait till the workforce is made up entirely of millennials and i can say “sorry i drank idiot juice for breakfast this morning” and my coworkers will be like “oh worm.”

[tinypi]

i’ll be honest i’m not even sure half of these are vines but here we go

[thefurtrade]

VINES ARE THERAPY

[dont-fear-thereaper]

imcrying

[markv5]

Когда приехал от бабушки

[dustingrayves]

the caption says “when you come home from grandmas” and honestly?? y

[fimbry]

Waking up to the best little boy on the planet.

[fimbry]

@cheedho

Right here

[sedgery]

that’s not better

[fimbry]

He heard that

[airyairyquitecontrary-deactivat]

how did you get the candle inside

[antinwo]

http://www.ijreview.com/2016/01/524662-real-estate-agent-shares-family-secret-to-keeping-burglars-at-bay/?author=kbn&utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=owned&utm_campaign=life&utm_term=ijamerica

[insideguppysworld]

Save a life

[newmodelminority]

Totes good data.

[airyairyquitecontrary-deactivat]

The part of this I don’t like is “they will most likely move on to an easier target.” Like I’m supposed to feel fine about someone else with a less sturdy door getting ripped off?

[aubreyplazaofficialblog]

Change your neighbor’s screws too

[gojinero]

Channel your inner dad

Chage everyone’s screws

[tygermama]

Mythbusters did this but not exactly on purpose, they put together a door to test how to kick it down and didn’t have the right sized screws so they used the longer ones and even Jamie running at speed had trouble breaking the door with the longer screws

[meggory84]

Not only will longer screws keep you safer, they also prevent your door from sagging over time, which leads to scraping or your door not closing properly.

[thatsyawholethanghuh-deactivate]

✍🏽✍🏽✍🏽

[uncleromeo]

make sure you install longer screws on the hinges too. contractors often cut corners by using whatever they have lying around and s door can be kicked off from the hinge side too. this is especially important with older homes and apartments. depending on the maintenance standards (if there are any), a door that has been repaired or replaced could have mismatched screws.

[the-adhd-society]

Just a random note.

[jaybarou]

Let’s all screw around.