I talk about recognizing narcissists so much in here and yet I still fall for their covert tactics every so often, so here’s a new list of subtle signs that migh help someone out:
they steer the topic to talk about themselves almost all the time. The attention they give you will be always less than what they give to themselves in a conversation. Every topic you start will serve as an excuse to talk about their life.
they will switch between bragging and telling you stories in which they are the victims. Details of these stories will be vague, and if you ask for details, they will worm out of telling you
Their words and actions will not match. They could be telling you they care for you, like you, flirt with you, tell you they love you, and right afterwards start ignoring you, forgetting about you, be too busy to talk, give you less and less attention and time (devalue-discard phase)
There will be phases to your relationship with them, it will usually start with a lot of warmth, adoration, potential, praise, admiration, mirroring (they act like someone perfect for you), only for you to then be discarded, neglected, devalued, and accused of being annoying or overbearing if you try to be close to them like before
They will eventually blame you for something so outlandish and untrue it might feel like it’s coming out of nowhere and completely stun you; this is projection, they’re actually doing the thing they accuse you of, they’re diverting the attention from themselves by accusing you
If you stick by them and patiently await for them when they neglect you, they will play by neglecting you more and more, just to see how far they can get away with it; they love to experiment with this and test the limits, you waiting for them feeds their ego
Even if they manage to get you to praise all their accomplishments and devalue yours, they will still be competitive and try to compete with you in every area, nothing will ever be enough for them to maintain superiority
They will make you feel like you have to keep following ‘the script’ they made for you, you will feel uneasy coming out with how they hurt you because you feel that you’re breaking the role they had created for you in their life
Once you do come out with your pain and ask them to stop, they will either play it nice the first time, to establish their reputation as a kind person, but afterwards they can get cold, vicious, lash out, discard you, focus on how this makes them feel to the point where your initial pain feels irrelevant
They will take your support for granted and always want more, if they get used to it, it will be the 'minimal requirement’ expected of you
You will be able to tell that this person lives in a personal bubble where they decide the value and importance of everything, and if you want to be in their life, you have to make yourself not only small but perfectly molded to fit inside of that bubble, and they will act like they absolutely want you there, but once inside, your value will plummet in their eyes, and you will become a toy to be picked up or discarded as they please.
If these remind you of someone, and a lot of these fit your experience, be very careful and try to get some distance. If they really are a narcissist, you trying to get distance and space from them will be met with hostility and disapproval.
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