If Jake thinks about it too long, about being separated from this group heâs spent the better part of two months with, it makes his chest ache.
(Weighs down on his lungs so heavily that he has to fight for every inhale. Stings so deeply he has to press the heel of his hand into his ribs to stop the pain.)
So he makes a very conscious decision to not think about it.
He has orders to fly out in the morning to his next assignment. They all do. But tonight, theyâre here on the beach, playing football by the light of the bonfire theyâve built and the patio lights of the Hard Deck, and if he doesnât think about it â
if he doesnât think about leaving, then the hole in his chest canât swallow him up.
Phoenix comes to sit next to him on the sand, quietly watching with him as the next round of football starts, and Jake tries to watch anyone but Bradley.
âYou love him, donât you,â Phoenix says, and she isnât asking. She knows. Hell, Jake thinks sheâs probably known it longer than he has, and that makes him uneasy.
He doesnât know how she figured him out so fast.
Years ago, he wouldâve deflected. Years ago, they werenât anything real. Years ago, theyâd fight and hook up and it didnât matter because it wasnât about knowing each other. Not really.
Bradley cheers at one of the catches Coyote makes, and his laughter carries across the beach easily despite the noise. Jake thinks he could pick him out of a crowd in seconds.
âEven if I do,â he finally answers, shrugging, âit wouldnât matter. It ainât worth it to fight for a long distance thing in this line of work.â
â⌠I heard you on the radio when his plane went down, Jake,â she says, voice oddly kind in a way thatâs usually reserved for Bradley. âIâve never heard you like that before.â
âWhat, angry? They werenât gonna let me find him âtil they knew about the F-14.â
âNo,â Natasha replies. âYou sounded - terrified.â
He swallows. Looks down at his hands in his lap. âI was. We all were. Thought weâd lost two of our best.â
âHeâs more than just a pilot to you,â she says, scratching a hand over his back gently. It reminds him of their relationship in the academy, back before he and Rooster fought and she picked sides.
(He doesnât blame her much. Heâd have picked Rooster, too.)
Jake forces himself to watch as Bradley laughs with Mav about something, clearly planning some kind of trick play, and -
âHeâs everything, Nat,â Jake whispers, voice thick. âWhen the fuck did that happen?â
Again, sheâs unfazed. Squeezes her hand over his shoulder.
âTell him. Youâll be glad you did, Jake. Trust me.â
And he does trust her. So he tells him.
Telling him means finding out that he and Bradley have been given the same orders for their next assignment.
(Which Phoenix absolutely knew. Sneaky little devil. Jake adores her.)
âSo, wouldnât be long distance,â Bradley says, smiling a bit. âMight even be in the same bunks, Jake. You think we can handle that?â
Honestly? Jake doesnât know. Theyâve always been quick triggers with each other, ready to ignite and burn away everyone and everything in the path of their destruction.
But Bradleyâs smiling at him, theyâre boarding the same plane to the same destination, and every day of his foreseeable future will include this stubborn, smiling asshole of a man that makes Jakeâs heart race.
He shakes his head fondly. âGuess Iâd be willing to try if you are, Bradshaw.â
âGood,â he nods, picking up Jakeâs bag along with his own. âThen letâs turn and burn, baby.â
ââŚ. Rooster, you know this plane doesnât do that.â
âHangman, my god, it was a cool line. Official boyfriend rule number one: support my funny jokes.â