unshared world of thoughts

sharing my thoughts here because i can’t always say or explain them directly. somehow they make more sense in solitude.

[moonychuw]

do you think pain, disgust, sadness, is relevant for later beyond life? arent emotions biological things? if they are then even if we do feel it, our soul can initially cancel it out right? if were aware enough.

i mean im not saying we shouldnt feel. but surrender to the emotion not to let it consume us, but to live beside it. it just.. is. i mean its temporary anyway. so feel it, dont repress it, it really doesnt matter.

emotion is just another part of the body, your soul isnt, so you can essentially detach yourself while still feeling and accepting

—-

idk can someone elaborate their thoughts on this. cause like, many things ive already done, like getting over fears, disgust, and stuff. basically gaslighting myself to be able to do things because i know that the emotions are just a part of my body, and so yeah, somehow made myself rewire? not that good at it though since i am still human after all.

[moonychuw]

once someone who is driven by human connections has lost anyone beyond their soul, they try to find meaning in the smallest depths of what surrounds them.

the brain needs constant stimulation, whether thats from socialization, academics, new findings. but humans are social creatures, once taken away from them, the mind spirals into an endless void of confusion.

idk just yapping, idk what my point is, the point is, that the human mind cant help but find new things to stop itself from actually stopping, which can end up in a hyper philosophical state, could end up good, could end up worse.

[moonychuw]

i was walking out my house this morning to go fetch some groceries that the farmer guy left on my gate.

my steps usually get caught on the grass of the walking steps towards my gate, so this time i decided to look down and make sure i didnt get my feet tangled.

the grass was quite green every morning, but today i had only realized that every morning the grass seem to protrude more and looked more fluffy.

so now ive concluded that grass sleeps and wakes up every morning and night. because at night, the grass seem to flatten, so i assume theyre sleeping.

now i dont wanna step on my grass. how i love small things in nature

[wordx]

i think humans are meant to lay in bed with the love of their life all winter.

[moonychuw]

my ultimate goal and what i wish to leave long after i die, is that i wish to leave this earth with a pinch of good positive energy.

be kind. not for the notice of people. understand them fully, even if you know your biological brain cannot comprehend and has its limitations.

the reason why i havent committed suicide nor do i plan doing it no matter how much i want to give up. is that if i die that way id leave a scar in this world only for myself. the after life is unknown, we dont know if its painful, calm, a bliss. so whatever it may be atleast i leave hope and the slightest bit of possibility to make it better for everyone else.

the smallest bit of positive energy can influence many. one negative energy might spread, and so does the same.

im not the best person in the world, but i wish to have pure intentions and be a good memory.

[moonychuw]

ive never really had someone to look up to, nor talk to about the inner world i have.

something i really wish for currently is to have a fatherly figure i can admire. the wise tired mentor archetype who has crumbling vulnerability behind their intelligent facade. someone i wish to have an intimate relationship without it being romantic in the sexual way, just a mentor student relationship.

call it father issues or whatever i dont care. i just want someone i can feel safe and spill all my curiosities of the world.