@moql - Tumblr Blog

Folks who didn’t have tumblr before 2010-2011ish didn’t have to deal with all those fucking gifs of that guy who worked as Peter Pan at Disneyland and subsequently hear about the drama that ensued when Tumblr Kids kept fuckig stalking him at work

jheselbraum

Like. I’m a firm believer that porn online shouldn’t be within kids reach (those “are you 18” checkboxes for life) but. Like. Ok first of all, just ban cp? It’s not hard? Cp is what got you into this mess just ban it. Second of all, you could increase the age of sign-up from 13 to 18. Third of all, you could do what deviantart does and just. Require birthdays at sign-up. If your blog is flagged as nsfw, you can’t interact with minors. You want to follow an nsfw blog? Prove you’re an adult. You’re an adult but don’t want to see nsfw content? Safe search (that actually works).

It’s not hard to make a functioning website, but staff doesn’t seem to want to do that.

jheselbraum

“But people lie about their age” YEAH PEOPLE LIE ABOUT THEIR AGE TO DO ALL KINDS OF SHIT. WHEN I WORKED AT THE GROCERY STORE PEOPLE LIED ABOUT THEIR AGE TO GET BEER. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? WE DIDN’T BAN ALL BEER, WE REQUIRED AN ID CHECK, YES, KNOWING THAT SOME PEOPLE WOULD LIE. BECAUSE THE FAULT WAS THEIRS BECAUSE THEY LIED.

johnnyjoestarrelatable

i’m so fucking terrified that a persona character is in smash because that means a danganronpa character is now completely within the realm of possibility

dummythickstation

sir that’s my emotional support hyperfixation

siobhanblank-deactivated2019011

megapope-deactivated20220531

“can’t shake the devil’s hand and say you’re only kidding” is the most concise and powerful dismissal of people who are “jokingly” racist and i can’t believe it’s from a They Might Be Giants song

astronautmv

the way teenagers are presented in media is so fucking funny like u think this is how sixteen year olds speak. do u think they really communicate in dramatic monologues and deep metaphors and references to great literature. half my high school didn’t know what a metaphor was.

mrsmarlasinger

It’s alright, you can just say John Green.

berlynn-wohl

The different fanfic eras explained as lunch

Pre-internet era: You walk into a room and sit down at a table. Someone brings you a turkey sandwich, a bag of potato chips, and a soda. Perhaps you are a vegetarian, or gluten-free. Doesn’t matter; you get a turkey sandwich, a bag of potato chips, and a soda.

Usenet era: You walk into a room and sit down to your turkey sandwich, a bag of potato chips, and a soda. Someone tells you that over at the University they are also serving BLTs, pizza, coffee, and beer.

Web 1.0 (aka The Great Schism): You walk into a room. The room is lined with 50 unmarked doors. Someone tells you, “We have enough food to feed you and a hundred more…but we’ve scattered it behind these fifty doors. Good luck!”

Web 2.0 (present): You walk into a room. Someone points at the buffet and says, “Enjoy!” You turn to see a 100-foot-long buffet table, piled high with every kind of food imaginable. To be fair, some of the food is durian, head cheese, and chilled monkey brains, but that’s cool, some people are into those…and trust me, they are even more psyched to be here than you are.

roachpatrol

Tumblr (a hell pit): You try to serve yourself a baked potato. An angry child runs up and slaps the plate out of your hand. “NIGHTSHADE PLANTS ARE POISONOUS,” the child yells. You are hungry. The child gives you a turkey sandwich, a bag of potato chips, and a kick on the shin.

twocatstailoring

The fact that a potato is replaced with a different form of potato is what makes that last one so accurate.

tinglerer

Suddenly I have a craving for lemon hummus.

jackwynandmoved-deactivated2017

*finishes a game* haha what the fuck *reads the wiki for 12 hours*

unfortunately-awake

warmheartworm

tumblr sucked yet its the only thing people like us could ever have posted on. tumblr was a deep sea geothermal vent and we are all pallid, desperate crabs snapping at the dark toxcic nutrients spweing from its hole, and bringing us into the harsh light of the instagram influencersphere would kill us instantly.

werewolfbneimitzvah

modern horror story: a single 200 chapter fic on ao3 summarized as a “collection of drabbles.” it is tagged for 200 different fandoms and every single character who so much as breathes in any of the chapters. it takes you an hour to scroll past. it is always at the top of your search results because it updates three times a week.

thatsparrow

like I go on social media platforms sometimes, and I’ll put up with anything. i’ll log on to some garbage website, i don’t wanna name an actual website so let’s just make one up. let’s call it “tumblr”. so i’ll log onto tumblr and i’ll go, “can you ban all the porn bots?” and they go, “no, we’re not gonna do anything about it” and I go, “okaaay!” and then I go watch something on netflix. and then i come back to tumblr and I go, “any updates?” and they go “yeah, we flagged a bunch of posts incorrectly and deleted blogs that had nothing to do with the porn bots. because we hate you. now take this pointless april fool’s gag that doesn’t matter, go fetch!” and I go “okaaay!” and I @ staff and go, “can I have my blog back please?“ and they go “NO!” and I go “okaaay!” and they go, “you’re a little naive user, aren’t you?” and I go “nooo,” and they go “SAY IT!” and I go “i’m a little naive user.“ and then I go over to the tumblr support link (which is an oxymoron) and I go, “can this please be a functioning website?” and they go “no! in fact, we’re gonna ban all nudity on this site indiscriminately! and we’re going to keep incorrectly flagging sfw posts with our shitty algorithm! and we’re not gonna do anything about the white nationalists!” and I go “why are you doing this to me?!” and they go, “because we’re tumblr staff, and life is a fucking nightmare!”