Life is More Than Lemons

My name is Hannah, I believe in a lot of things. Most importantly I believe in happiness and little victories.

[morethanlemons]

The vision of music.

My initial instinct when listening to music is to close my eyes and soak in the moment. Recently I’ve been toying with the idea of keeping my eyes open while enjoying a melody. And damn. I’ve never witnessed something so breathtaking. Once you let the music unfold, it opens your eyes to a whole new realm of vision. A simple sunset becomes an emotional spatter of colors with one lonesome star catching your glance. Music let’s you witness extraordinary in the seemingly mundane.  

[morethanlemons]

Pure Beauty

This is a double post kind of night. Especially since the 2 intertwine. I drove through so many amazing sights this weekend. I drove through the Pocono Mountains, and just through so many valleys and up so many hills. 

If you know me, you know I love mountains and hills. I didn’t realize until today why. I’ve concluded that I love hills and mountains because I love feeling small. I love driving and seeing a hill in front of me and just soaking in the beauty of it and taking account for the hundreds of thousands of people who must live in that area. Like all I’m seeing is trees and hills but there is so much more there than meets the eye. There is so much life. It was just a phenomenal morning/ afternoon drive today. The sun was out, and my mind was wide open with wonder.

On a completely different path of my day, I walked my dog tonight at about 11:27pm. No lights were on outside, i didn’t want to put shoes on, and it was just a tad bit chilly. Either way, I walked outside to where I usually just stop on my porch while Maple does her business. Tonight I got the overwhelming urge to just walk barefoot in the grass and I’m so thankful I did. While standing with my feet planted in the semi dewy grass, I tilted my head and glanced at the night-time sky. Boy, what a sight. I know it’s a little silly seeing as the night-time sky is there every night, but it was just remarkable. I could see the milky way galaxy with my bare eye. breathtaking. There is seriously just something about witnessing such a mystical sight that I’ve taken for granted for so long. I’m not sure what that “something” was. I can tell you though, that I am inspired. I am full of whatever make me, me. And I am ready to take on the world (what a hyperbole)! With that I bid you a goodnight, and embrace all of the pure beauty of this world. 

Life is more than lemons, enjoy it!

[morethanlemons]

Pure Me

I haven’t blogged in awhile. Partly because I’ve been busy and partly because I’ve lost myself a little bit these last few months. A piece of my heart died May 5th, I lost my dog Lily. How one copes is really a strange sight. I coped with just kind of shutting down. Suppressing my emotions, and just being numb with an underlying tinge of sadness. When someone is sad and they don’t necessarily have someone to comfort them, they look for someone to comfort them. I’m not saying that it’s the best thing to do, it’s most certainly not. Yet, that’s what I did. Lonely, sad Hannah wallowed in bed, and then decided that she was sick of being single. I went against all that I’ve come to value these past years. I started trying to look for a relationship. It ended with some pretty awful dates and a conversation with a friend that grounded me. 

I took my first long, solo road trip this weekend. I traveled 300 miles (5 hours) cross state to visit a friend of mine from high school. To be frank, I was really dreading this road trip. I’ve always had someone in my passenger seat for trips that lasted longer than 2 hours. Typically it was always her (or past boyfriends) in that seat with me. 

If you ever feel like you’re losing yourself I urge you to take a day trip of about 5 hours alone. Trust me. After about the first 3 hours with nothing by my thoughts, an album, a few podcasts, and just the open road, I was rediscovering what it meant to me to be me. 

I am lonely; I have forgotten what a nice warm kiss feels like, but that doesn’t make me weak. I am single, but that doesn’t mean I’m not full of love and compassion (because I am). There is so much good in being single right now and it took me a while to remember. I am free. I can go on all the adventures I want to, when I want to, with whomever I want to. I can have guy friends without a boyfriend getting possessive and jealous. I don’t have to worry about a guy being overly clingy. I don’t have to get weirded out by a guy who I’m not in love with calling me dear (because we’re not dating and if that happens I can just block him).  I can focus on myself. Although someone to love would make me happy, I know an immense amount of other things that are going to make me happy this summer.

The drive there just really made me appreciate how awesome it is to be living. And how amazing this year is going to be for me. What will happen will happen, and I can’t focus on being lonely. I can’t focus on a longing to love someone. I have to focus on just living in the moment and being happy. Purely me. 

Life is more than lemons, enjoy it!

[morethanlemons]

Why I Refuse to Apologize for Being “Too Nice.”

I recently read an article stating that being “too nice” was hurting my chances to find love.

Ummmm. Excuse me. Their first point was “Everybody’s playing games, if you don’t join, you’ll lose every time.” Furious. That entire article made me furious because for a millisecond it had me doubting everything I stand for. Who I am is built on kindness. It doesn’t mean I’m nice all of the time. I’m not. I have times where I complain, where I freak out over nothing, I have times where I’m just downright unpleasant. But everything I stand for comes from a more vast decision to understand people, to be honest with who I am and how I feel. 

The article also stated that revealing emotions is a sign of weakness. Shame on you. This is 2016. Emotions aren’t weakness and you telling men and women that, you’re the problem with this society. Emotions literally make up who you are. Emotions emphasize what you’re passionate about. I am an emotional human being. I’m so intune with myself I couldn’t fathom cloaking my emotions just so I can “Land Mr. Right.” This article was entirely offensive to me. 

I am nice, I think about people I care about. I am the type of person to see an article, post, picture, or even a song and think about another person and how much they would enjoy it. This article told me that I shouldn’t share things with others in mind because I would come off as clingy. So I shouldn’t show that I’m thinking of someone who I want to think about me because that would deter them from finding interest in me? 

Hi, I’m Hannah. I’m super nice and care way too much about others. You probably won’t ever like me because my niceness is just downright repulsive. Me having emotions just shows the world that I’m not suitable for companionship. God forbid anyone want to date someone who felt emotions. Emotions are utterly embarrassing!  How will I ever land Mr. Right?

Sounds kind of stupid right? How about this? 

Oh my gosh, so I’m Hannah! You probably knew that. Why am I announcing myself? I’m super awkward and my spirit animal is a Dad because dad jokes and bad puns make the world go round. Some people have an addictive personality, me, I have a passionate one! I feel things on a tremendously deep level. I Love like no other. I love in the purest essence of it all. I’m a leaper. I leap blindly into things. I’ve been broken before and that usually makes people bitter about love. Not me. I really just love loving people. I love loving myself too. I have a strong emotional sense of self. I’ve spent the last couple of years exploring who I am and who I want to be. And I just want you to know that I’m awesome. Spectacular, one may say. That being said, sometimes I stray away from thinking myself as amazing. I’m looking to find someone who will be there to remind me how strong I am. I’m also looking for someone who let’s me remind them how fantastic they are, too. Reassurance is so important in any kind of relationship, friendly or intimate. You see I’m what they call a nice girl, I’ll never intentionally hurt you. I will eventually fall head over heels in love with you. All that I ask is that you feel the same. If you let me, I’ll show you a view of the world you never thought possible. Because I notice things. I notice things nobody notices. But I also want you to share your world with me. There is so much out there that I don’t notice. I’m seeking someone to show me their point of view. I’m desiring someone to share adventures with; big and small. I’m a nice girl. I’ll want to get to know the real you, and I’ll want you to want to get to know the real me. You see I’m not afraid of being to nice and turning away suitors because ending up alone is far better than ending up with someone who doesn’t appreciate all that I am. 

Life is more than lemons, enjoy it!

[morethanlemons]

The Art of Happiness IV

When in your lifetime have you felt the most happy?

I am fortunate to say that the happiest time of my life, thus far, is right now! I don’t have everything figured out. That is precisely the joy of it all. How my life goes is entirely up to me at this point!! Who am I to be? I am to be whoever the hell I decide to be. The fact that my future is so unknown excites every bone in my body! My life is whatever I make of it. I owe most of my outlook to the good year I took to really work on me. The question Who am I to be? constantly floating around my thoughts. I can confidently say that I am currently who I want to be. I’m compassionate, devoted, hardworking, adventurous, I’m less anxious, and I’m still full of my quirks. But anyways this past year has really just been super eye opening for me. 

I owe a lot of my happiness on my new found outlook on things. I’ve been training myself to be more observant of beauty and positivity there is in the world. I’ve been cutting out as much negativity as I possibly can. My happiness comes from the small things. It’s all about the small things. The smell in the air, the warmth in the night, the feeling I have when I first wake up, the fact that I fall asleep each night but never actually remember falling asleep. There is so much to notice and so much to be ecstatic about in my life. I will have no regrets, I will live this life as fully as humanly possible.

My current happiness radiates from my soul. It radiates from my being. I have a super passionate and creative job that allows me to have many other hobbies (such as writing my neverending thoughts out on this website). I have amazing co workers who really have helped me grow as a cosmetologist. I have some pretty amazing friends too most of them aren’t around here but in this day an age they seem to be the closest. I’ve been going on adventures with friends and some alone. I’m exploring the world. Making my own decisions on what I think is right and wrong. I’m in the works of creating me. That small fact makes me happiest of all. 

Life is more than lemons, enjoy it!

[morethanlemons]

The Art of Happiness III

When was it in your life where you’ve felt the most unhappy?

It took me forever and a half to answer this question. Let me tell you it is quite the task to recollect your entire life and pinpoint when you’ve been the most unhappy.

I have been the most unhappy not in a pinpointed time in my life, but in a certain mindset. 

When I journey away from me and what I believe in is when I’m most unhappy. 

One instance was Senior Year. I was in a relationship in which I compromised who I was. I went from being an independant Hannah to someone who needed validation from some guy. I tried so hard for that validation and it took me entirely too long to realize that the only validation I needed was my own. Furthermore, I was under an extreme amount of stress as a 17 year old. Questions haunted me every night as I would try and unwind. Where am I going? What am I going to do? How am I going to pay for it? What do you want? Is this what I want? Am I making my parents happy? Am I making a mistake? What if I don’t see my friends after this? What if I’m not good at life? What if I suck?  It got to the point that I actually was going insane. There was a 2 week period in the beginning of 2014 in which I had gotten under 10 hours of sleep a week. Literally I would get an average of 1 to 2 hours of sleep a night. All from stress. Where was this stress coming from? Me trying to please everyone else. And then feeling guilty when for once in my life I put ME first. 

Everybody’s unhappiness is rooted from a different place. My just happens to be when I lose touch with who I am and what I stand for. 

Life is more than lemons, enjoy it! (and don’t focus on the negatives)

[morethanlemons]

The Art of Happiness II

Why do people suck at being happy?

I’m a firm believer that social media and technology in general is a big reason why so many people in this generation are unhappy. The technological age has brought us so many advances; yet at what cost? We as a whole have changed our mindsets due to having information at our fingertips. People suck at being happy because they are always focusing on what’s going on with everyone else on social media. Life and happiness isn’t a race with anyone else. It's you against you. But with the internet literally in the palm of our hands we find ourselves longing to be other people. We long for the success others’ have. What if I were to tell you that you can be happy even if you’re in debt, single, don’t get a lot of likes, etc. There is so much more to you than your online presence. 

Which brings me to, People don’t live in the present anymore! To many there is always a possibility of something better out there. What if all it took was making the best out of what you already have. I’m not telling you to give up. Dreams and aspirations are a key component to making sure you make the most of your life. What I AM saying is that you can’t sit on your ass all day hoping things will get better for you. You have to accept that cards you’ve been dealt and MAKE your life better if you choose. Things, believe it or not, don’t just magically happen. Instead of pitying yourself, work hard to make things better. Get out of a town that’s holding you back, quit your job that is making you miserable, dump that person that makes you hate what you used to love about yourself. Your life is in your hands. 

Ultimately, People suck at being happy because we (again as a whole) don’t take enough time to get to know ourselves. It took me 18 years of living to finally reflect on who exactly I was and what I wanted to gain from my existence. What I could do to live a happier life. 

Happiness is entirely different for everybody so ultimately you need to decide why you yourself sucks at being happy and do something about it.

Life is more than lemons, enjoy it!

[morethanlemons]

The Art of Happiness I

Recently I was asked a series of questions by a friend of mine. Questions that pull so deep into my soul I couldn’t help but blog about them. 

This will be a 4 part instalment here on More Than Lemons. Each post answering the simplest of questions in the deepest of manners. And I would absolutely adore to hear your answers to these questions as well!!

What is Happiness?

Happiness is life; in the way that sometimes it’s not about the destination at. Happiness is all about the journey. Happiness is waking up after an amazing night’s sleep and being ready to start your day. Happiness is a warm breeze on a dark night reminding you that spring is on it’s way. It’s the sound of rain pinging off of steel roofs. Happiness is feeling alive. Happiness is so many little things.

Life is full of highs and lows. Obviously the highs are very happy, and the lows are just as equally not. But there is so much happy to be found in the inbetweens. The days when you wake up and you could either have a really good day or have a really bad day. You’re not on a happy streak however you’re no feeling low all of your days. Those days when it’s all up to you to decide if you’re going to make your day amazing. Those inbetween days are what I live for. Those inbetween days in those inbetween months where it could go either way for you but you choose to make the most of it. Those are the days that create true happiness. 

You don’t have to be at a high point in life to be happy.

Life is more than lemons, enjoy it!

[morethanlemons]

4 Things I Learned When I Stopped Shaving my Armpits

A little synopsis for you to enjoy, In October 2015 I decided that I was just going to stop shaving my armpits and legs for the pure fact that I was single and who really cares. My legs lasted until the beginning of December and I needed desperately to exfoliate my skin with my razor, my dry dead skin was killing me, my i found that my leg hair doesn’t particularly grow that much at all, I have been graced with awesome leg hair genes!

No one knows. Literally, unless you want someone to know that you have armpit hair, no one stares at your T-shirts maniacally thinking “Man how disgusting. I can just tell from her aura that she has wicked armpit hair” No, just no. The first person to find out without me showing/telling was actually my gynocologist. She was giving me a breast examination and while she was feeling up my breasts, she laughed and said “you don’t see that everyday” And by that time I was so used to having hair that I didn’t understand what she meant and she explained that I have hairy armpits and I explained to her that I did it just to do it, but it’s helped incredibly with my ingrown hairs and that was that. There was no judging. Which leads me to number 3...

I am not ashamed. My body is a beautiful thing. And it’s my decision to make. It is my body. And my decision in October was to quit shaving my armpits, and my decision in January was to bleach them and color them blue. I love my body. And I think I’m beautiful with blue armpits. It’s not to say I’m going to keep them forever, I actually have plans to go get them waxed. But what I’m saying is that it shouldn’t matter how much hair you have on your body, it shouldn’t matter if you want to grow your hair out or shave it everyday. It’s your body. DO YOU.

I don’t get ingrown hairs anymore!! It’s so amazing to not have festering hairs right under the skin of my delicate armpits. It used to be a weekly thing trying to pick at my shaven armpits to try and release a coiled hair from under my skin. Now, nothing. My armpits don’t hurt, there is no digging with tweezers. I frankly don’t even pay attention to my armpits anymore!

Not everybody is going to accept you. I learned that the only way to really fight off negativity people have toward your armpits is to blatantly be super confident about your decisions. If someone really doesn’t like you because of your body hair then do you really want that person in your life? If after reading this post and you are just totally disgusted with me and my armpit hair feel free to unfriend me, unfollow me, whatever you may do. I don’t care. I love me.

Life is more than lemons, enjoy it!

[morethanlemons]

22 January 2016

“Are you seeking security or adventure?”

Simple enough question, right? Wrong. The first thing that popped into my head is that I seek security in things yet in others I crave adventure. That was going to be my answer. Plain. Simple. Secure. 

That question has literally bothered me all of last night and all of today (hence my need to write this post). Previously stated, I do seek security in certain aspects of my existence. Like let’s say my car, my family, friendships, relationships, my job, my finances and other things that I as a person depend on. Yet the things I crave adventure out of, are as followed; myself. 

How is one to crave adventure from herself when she expects, dare I say demands, security from the people and things in her life? I myself am a horrible contradiction. 

I fear to fall into the security of people, things, and a boring life. It’s safe. As a 19 year old woman just starting to realize who I want to be, I refuse to let myself so easily fall into such monotony. 

I am most myself when I am adventurous. And I’m starting to understand that adventure doesn’t have to mean gallivanting to fancy places. Adventuring means feeling alive. Falling in love with people and things and just life itself. Going camping in Maine for a week, driving back roads in hopes to get lost, going to a city you’ve never been to, talking to a stranger, climbing a waterfall that is literally 15 minutes away from your house, driving on a dark night listening to music that makes you feel so into the present you become numb with excitement. Traveling to faraway lands is an easy way for adventure, which I most definitely plan to do more of but until that day, the real adventure is finding things that make you feel alive everyday. 

Netflix is not one of those things, and I am cutting back greatly my consumption of it. It’s been so long since I’ve gotten lost in a book, or have done something entirely crazy with friends. I am 19 years old. The time is now to live.

Life is more than lemons, enjoy it!  

[morethanlemons]

Moments Change Everything

It was a winter day back in 2014 when my younger brother and I were driving and he said “Hannah, you’d love this band” and he played for the first time “Cigarette Daydreams” to me. Instantly I fell In love. I needed more. I downloaded both of Cage the Elephant’s albums and began binge listening. However “Cigarette Daydreams” just held as my favorite for the pure fact that it was my first.

Weeks go by and I text my boyfriend at the time telling him I was done with work and that I was coming over to chill. I made it to his house by the time he replied telling me he didn’t want me to hang out. I replied as my new favorite song came on the radio as I sit outside this guy’s house with something along the lines of “you never want to hang out, why are we even together if you don’t want to see me?” He swiftly replied agreeing with me and breaking up with me.

Did you stand there all alone? Oh I cannot explain what's going down I can see you standing next to me In and out, somewhere else right now You sigh, look away I can see it clear as day Close your eyes, so afraid Hide behind that baby face

Do do do do do do

You can drive all night Looking for the answers in the pouring rain You wanna find peace of mind Looking for the answer

Funny how it seems like yesterday As I recall you were looking out of place Gathered up your things and slipped away No time at all I followed you into the hall Cigarette daydream You were only seventeen So sweet with a mean streak Nearly brought me to my knees

From that moment forward my then favorite song became a reminder of that one moment in my life. And to my dismay it became widely popular and played on the radio daily. At first I cried, every. single. time. But as it played on and on I just became less emotional. I just tuned it out.

Months go by. Like 4-5 months. All of a sudden I find myself on a date with this guy and he’s riding passenger seat and we’re just driving around and he looks and me and says “I’m going to sing you a song” I said something dorky along the lines of “okay serenade me with your angel voice” Then my heart stops, what do I hear other than that all too familiar intro. I was absolutely dumbfounded.

Did you stand there all alone? Oh I cannot explain what's going down I can see you standing next to me In and out, somewhere else right now You sigh, look away I can see it clear as day Close your eyes, so afraid Hide behind that baby face

At first I was just silent, then I glanced over and saw how into it he was getting and how much he just really loved the song. Somewhere between the do’s I started actually smiling!! In that moment it just felt like a sign. He asked me if I knew the song and I just laughed and said I used to love it but I hadn’t listened to it in a very long time.

I began to date singer boy and every time that song played it brought me back to that moment. It made me fall in love with the song more and more, and with him.

Then one August morning that singer boy broke my heart. And what song was to come on the radio?

Do do do do do do... You can drive all night Looking for the answers in the pouring rain You wanna find peace of mind Looking for the answer If we could find a reason, a reason to change Looking for the answer If you could find a reason, a reason to stay Standing in the pouring rain

Until about November, that song haunted me. It brought back both heartbreaks and all of the great memories I had with singer boy of us driving and singing and just having a grand time. Every time that song came on my heart broke more and more. Then something changed. I found a reason to change, one may say.

Somewhere along the way, amongst my heartbreak I decided that screw these boys, I seriously just love this song. I made my own moment, and although I can’t pinpoint the exact moment in which I could listen to that song and just feel the love I originally had for it in 2014 that moment changed it all for me. That was the moment I became in charge of my own life.

Moments change the meaning of everything, but it’s never to late to create your own moment and become in charge of how you let things affect you.

Life is more than lemons, enjoy it!

[morethanlemons]

The Moon

So, tonight on my drive home I noticed how glorious the moon was. And at first thought it made me smile, but the more I drove in silence the more I realized that it didn’t make me as happy as I thought. Actually, I looked back at the glorious moon and a few tears ran down my cheek. At this point I didn’t know why I was feeling the way I was. It’s just the moon, why am I crying right now? The more I intensely thought about it, the more I realized that I kind of felt like the moon. Alone in a sea of darkness, reflecting light, looking glorious, but at the end of the day I’m just alone in the night. Somehow it just hit home. 

I feel as though I’ve been so focused on loving myself and doing things by myself that I haven’t realized I’ve spent the last 3 week completely alone. I wake up alone, I spend the day alone, I drive to work alone, I work (given I do have friends there but it’s only temporary relief), drive home alone, to sit in my bedroom alone only to repeat it again and again and again. I feel so isolated. 

The lightness that radiates from the moon’s reflection represents my love and happiness for myself. It’s real, and it’s there and it’s bright as can be. But I guess what I’m saying is that I don’t particularly have anyone to share my happiness with. I’m fine being single, but it’s just awfully lonely. I guess I miss sharing things with someone. I miss someone showing interest in me, and I miss showing interest in someone else. I long to get to know someone, and for them to genuinely be intrigued by me and my story. Mainly I guess I just miss having someone who wants and encourages me to get out of the house and have fun.

I’m just not one to “get out there” and do things. I’m not an introvert or and extrovert I’m somewhere between and it royally just blows. I’ll be fine, I just need some fun in my life. I need to get out of the house more. 

Life is full of lemons, enjoy it. 

[morethanlemons]

Life is more than lemons, try new food!

[morethanlemons]

To Love Thy Self.

The importance of loving one’s self has really been trending recently. I see (and share myself) post after post reminding people to love themselves. However, that’s as deep as those posts get. They don’t explain how to love yourself, they don’t tell you how hard it is to truly love yourself, and they surely don’t tell you that the most difficult part of yourself to love is the part that other people can’t see. 

There is no “How to” on loving yourself. My best advice for you is to seek at least 1 new thing a day that you just love about yourself. It’s going to be difficult. Somedays you’re going to convince yourself that you’re just not good enough, that you don’t deserve to be loved. I’m telling you this now, you deserve to love yourself. YOU ARE AN AMAZING BEING. It is so hard to love yourself in spite of all the craziness you have in your head. But nothing is more gratifying that realizing that your life shattering thoughts no longer control you.

I love myself fully. I really do. Sometimes I get frustrated with myself, but at the end of the day, I really truly believe that I am an amzing person. I’m not perfect and I love myself because of my imperfections.

On the outside, I love my appearance. I Love: My hair, My green eyes, my eyebrows, my nose, the way my lips are shaped, my round face, my long neck, my collar bones, the muscles I’m gaining in my arms, my breasts (that was weird, but it’s completely true, and it is a SHAME that some girls can’t bare to look at themselves naked in a mirror because they aren’t confident about their breasts or their vaginal area. I don’t care who you are, there is no need to be ashamed of your naked body) and so on! I can honestly say that 2 years ago I couldn’t look at myself naked in a mirror, I didn’t love myself. Quit shaming yourself one body part at a time.

Yet people stop there. People stop exploring their love for themselves when they truly love the way they look. The way you think is a beautiful phenomena that is greatly overlooked by most of society. Here are a few things that I have grown to love about the electricity in my mind: The needless anxiety I get over someone pumping my gas for me, the need to control certain things in my life, the nights my mind wont shut off and I end up creating beautiful blogs, I love how much excitement I have for the world, I also terribly love the way I can go off on weird tangents about things and I just can’t stop; I am at a point in my life that I can accept that, that was really weird and laugh it off and that is just so incredible. I love my love for deciphering and using new words, and my intrigue with diction. I even love that sometimes for no reason I can have a fantastic day only to come home and drown in my sorrows. 

Loving yourself isn’t going to magically make you the happiest person on the planet; It’ll make you appreciate everything about living on the planet though. It will fill your hear. You are so special. I am so special. EVERYONE IS SO SPECIAL, Because everyone is so similar yet entirely their own.

Life is more than lemons, LOVE it!

[morethanlemons]

5 Things I Hated About Myself 5 Years ago.

Bringing in 2016 has made me truly appreciate how far I have come in the last few years. This post is (obviously) going to be about 5 things I learned to love about myself in no specific order.

My Nose. I’ve always been self conscious about this giant, lumpy, crooked nose of mine. Somewhere along the years though i began to love it. Now, I love it so much that i have adorned it with fancy jewels so that people look at it even more. If I would’ve told 14 year old Hannah that, she would have screamed in horror.

My Teeth. They have always been a huge insecurity of mine. Between my wolf fangs, my snaggle tooth, and my baby tooth my mouth has just never been a very happy subject to me. Yet now, I find myself admiring my smile, snaggle tooth, fangs, and all. I look at people who had years of braces to get the perfect smile and I used to be so jealous, yet now I’m not. My smile is uniquely my own. My teeth are part of who I am. If given the chance to have perfect teeth I would turn it down. I LOVE my smile and I’m SO thankful that i never got it changed.

My Lisp. Where do I start? Let’s start from my side of things. I don’t hear my lisp. I didn’t even know I had one until I was in highschool and someone recorded me and I listened to it and I was like, that’s not me. But it was. I was SO self-conscious of my lisp after that. It’s especially noticeable with words that begin with “th-” or “s-” So for about a week I tried not to say those kinds of words. It failed epically. I worked on in though and more or less “made” my lisp less noticeable. It’s there for sure, but I embrace it now and it’s not as obnoxious as it was when i was growing up. I even recently recorded a couple of videos of me singing (eeekkk) with my ukulele, that’s how much I don’t mind my lisp now. It’s just a part of who I am.

My pudgy under-chin. lol just kidding I still hate it, just hate it less.

Me. I find the weirdest things about me. And I love them. I love the 2 freckles over my right eye (and even try to leave them uncovered by my eyeshadow) I love the weird dimple I get when I smile a certain way. I love the way my hair falls flat after the first wash of the week. I love that my hands are kind of large for a girl’s. I love the freckle I grew on my right palm. I love the height in which I have finally stopped growing. I love the way my legs are toning up from going to the gym. I love so much about myself now that I didn’t 5 years ago. I can look at myself naked in the mirror and love every inch of my body and that makes me so incredibly happy! 

Life is more than lemons, enjoy it!

[morethanlemons]

Good Days Are to Follow

        Do you ever just wake up on the wrong side of the bed, 30 minutes late, after a pointless dream, with a sore throat? Hello, and welcome to my morning. It takes a royally shity day to make me feel as odd as I have today. My drive to the gym sucked. My workout kicked my butt in all the worst ways, and in an attempt to turn the day around, I went for a drive on the way home only to stumble upon no joy for the day whatsoever. “it’s okay i’ll get home, I’ll make some chicken noodle soup” (which if you know me is absurd because I’ve probably only had chicken noodle soup less than 10 times in my life). We had one can. I start to heat it up noticing it doesn’t quite look right (which I kind of played off for a while because you know I never eat this kind of soup). About 2 minutes into the heating up process, I looked at the pan, then back to the can and decided something just wasn’t right. This only can of chicken noodle soup in my pantry expired in July of 2014. Soup lasts forever but somehow this soup with all it’s cobwebs must have been sitting in my pantry for an eternity. So no soup. “It’s okay” I’ll make pasta. So I make pasta, sit on my couch, and watch some netflix. All things that typically make me happy yet failed to do so today.          What I’m trying to get across in this lengthy synopsis of my day is: You can have a shity day. You need no justification. Even if looking back it wasn’t as bad as you remember it being, that’s okay. Days like these end. Tomorrow is a new day, a new you, a fresh start at a wonderful day. Sometimes you need shity days to make you truly appreciate the good days up ahead! 

        Good days are to follow, I can feel it.

Life is more than lemons; enjoy it!

[morethanlemons]

2015

               As 2015 comes to a close in just a few weeks, I’d really like to take a look back on all that this year has brought me. First off it brought me this blog, in which I feel without I wouldn’t be the happy person I am today. I really think getting my feelings and thoughts out into the void of the internet really helps me reflect and shape myself into a better person.

               I know it’s not like me to focus on the bad things, but I want to start there. A lot of shit has happened to me this year. 2015 literally started awfully. My Aunt died. My deceased cousin’s birthday is in January. And I had just been broken up with and I didn’t know how to be me. I didn’t know how to be happy. I was perfectly numb. It felt like I was submerged in a bathtub right under the surface, I was in no danger if I just sat up, but “sitting up” was such a hard task. I didn’t feel sad, I didn’t feel happy, I just felt nothing every day for about 5 months. When I finally realized how to be me, I rekindled with a guy I knew in high school. It was amazing, but it wasn’t meant to last and when that ended not only did I get hit with 1 broken heart but the first broken heart of the year was seeping back in.  Yet unlike the beginning of the year, I felt everything. Every emotion of mine was heightened.

               However with all the awful things that have happened this year, 2015 has got to be the best year of my life so far! I’ve never been more myself! I pierced my nose (technically it was still in 2014 but the very end of that year) which is such a little thing but I couldn’t imagine looking at my face without it now.  I was in a really bad place, but I came out on top. I realized that I’m worth so much more. I made it my goal for the year (and even my lifetime) to make people see their self-worth! Whether you’re a girl or a guy, you’re worth so much, you deserve to love yourself! I started to see beauty in things I have never noticed before: trees that grow crooked, grass that isn’t quite green, a chipmunk that lives near my car, the way the sun warms up a room, the moon, the smell of outside, the feeling of driving with my windows down even though I had A/C, the sound of my parents getting ready for work in the morning, and so much more. I just really started to appreciate life. I had some crazy adventures this year as well! I went to Maine, I drove to Rochester every once in a while, I decided to try so many new things, I started to try fruit that I had never tried before, I went on so many road trips, and I climbed a freaking waterfall! I also accomplished a lot of my aspirations! I graduated cosmetology school! And I received an amazing job offer before I was even graduated. I seriously love what I do, and where I do it. I work for a salon that used AVEDA products and it’s amazing. Not only is AVEDA conscious of the ingredients they use in their products, they’re aware of what they’re emitting into the atmosphere so every product they make is counteracted by using wind power! It’s just really cool for me. I’ve always been interested in the environment and it’s great that I work with products that care. Going to work every day seriously makes me happy.  

               All in all I’m super excited to see where 2016 takes me, my goals are to finally move out of my parents’ house.  

Life is more than lemons, enjoy it.