mortalarchive

sperm race winner of 99' he/him

[kosmogrl]

oooh I get it it’s always gonna be because of the environment I grew up in

[aceofpans]

it’s because of the curse

[transjudas]

never take for granted the moments when you’re not nauseous

[theconcealedweapon]

[anywhoozles]

[geyfrog]

Referring to someone as your “partner” sounds as if you are deliberately obscuring their gender and may subtly out you. “My ex”, however, is entirely unobtrusively gender-neutral. #breakupallrelationships

[boringkate]

When I was a kid watching tv was idiot coded and nerds read books, but now scrolling shortform videos is considered braindead behavior and watching tv means you're some kinda intellectual. You might think this shifting assessment of media's consumers might make readers into absolute super geniuses, but no. Only perverts read now.

[diosapate]

looking at your phone is always one of these two experiences

[anticurses]

[suffering-and-misery]

adhd paralysis sucks bcuz im just sitting there and my brain is like

YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME

no work done no rest gained. literally no point of this at all

[sabrsiren-deactivated20250418]

just wanted to share these executive dysfunction comics i am so sorry to whoever drew them these have been saved on my phone for like 6 years

[veltroxx]

ugh, that feeling of stuck panic but no actual moving is the worst.

[the-haiku-bot]

ugh, that feeling of

stuck panic but no actual

moving is the worst.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[dreamcastmod]

me:*fills a water gun with printer ink* me:i dont even need a wii u to have fun

[valkvriesuitremade-blog]

if you bought a 16ml cartridge of ink at $18, and a 2500ml nerf super soaker barrage at $15.99, it would cost about $2,828.49 to fill it with ink once

[wichatime]

[teaboot]

I hate you Ozempic craze I hate you 'heroin chic' I hate you weight loss ads on public radio I hate Burn Fat Fast ads every thirty seconds I hate you I hate you I hate you

[rpfofficial]

my soul will return to me tomorrow press E to affirm

[kneesocks-hq]

Stephen King when his buddies got drafted

[stainlesssteellocust]

[kawaii--items]

[loveridden1999]

if i was a soccer player i'd simply kick that ball in the goal instead of wasting everyone's time

[slygirlboy]

yea

[dosmeow]

I’ve been seeing a lot of Scooby Doo on my dash lately. My friend discovered what he describes as “Shaggy eviscerating an ape”