please be nice to me @mother-fluffing-queen - Tumblr Blog

I think at some point Ilya’s therapist gets concerned by what seems to be a codependent and anxious attachment btw Ilya and Shane. When Shane the Doer hears about it, For the sake of his husband’s mental health’s improvement and the preservation of a healthy marriage, he convinces Ilya to try installing boundaries and do activities separately. It lasts a week before Ilya comes home sobbing from a video game session with Troy communicating that if they keep this boundary thing up he’ll need to switch his meds’ dosage because he’s miserable. Shane jumps from the couch he’s been sitting on for 40minutes because he was supposed to eat diner with rose but he kept wanting to make jokes and look at ilya to see him laugh but he wasn’t there and it SUCKED OMG and Shane starts sobbing too because if they keep this up he will have to get on his own meds and let’s never do this again I hate it when I can’t smell you near me

liarsblade

Yeah you're right. It WOULD be pretty fucked up if you were a swan but you were raised by ducks and you grew up never seeing another swan or even knowing that such a thing as a swan even existed so you just thought you were a duck with something super wrong with it.

liarsblade

a-potato-of-death

worldheritagepostorganization

World Heritage Post

emmikay

Ilya Rozanov: Baby, you wanna go-

Shane Hollander: Yeah.

Ilya Rozanov: -On date with me?

Ilya Rozanov: OH YOU DO?

Ilya Rozanov: OHH! GOT YOU!!!

Shane Hollander: YOU’RE SAYING THAT LIKE I FELL FOR A CUNNING PRANK I’M ALREADY DATING YOU, ASSHOLE!

jakeyjake22diary

You guys don't get how Slavic Ilya looks to a person who grew up in Russia, that mf looks like a big chunk of my old classmates and friends. I don't mean his talking because he sounds like he learned Russian as a teenager from old sitcoms.

I mean the fucking pout and frown, the way he's so grumpy despite liking someone, the way he calls shane by his second name because he's scared itll be too personal, the way he can't keep his mouth shut during sex, especially those little bits of hair by the side of his face, like BRO whoever did the casting for Connor storrie did a fucking amazing job (I'll personally eat their ass) because when I first watched the show I was like 'oh second gen russian immigrant, my bro' then I found out that mf is from Texas 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

gayhockeyshow

Ilya comes into the locker room with a black eye he didn’t have the night before. Everyone’s oohing and aahing and shane is. Very quiet. A little perturbed. People are making jokes about their sex life and shane is seething into his locker. The team finally fully gangs up on shane like hollander what kind of freak shit are you doing, huh? Sex swing gone wrong?? Knee to the face? And shane turns, crosses his arms and stares at the floor and states, very solemnly, “ilya got a yo-yo”

czech-hunter-reject

Teeheehee, off to do my little schemes 😜

czech-hunter-reject

Teeheehee, on my way back home from doing my little schemes 🤪

monster-at-the-end-of-this-book

How were the schemes Were the schemes successful

czech-hunter-reject

Oh- hehehejehe huhuhuhu hæhæhæ, my little schemes were an astounding success!! 😝 they never saw it coming teeheehee

chubby-cry-baby

shane and ilya swap jerseys during their last montreal vs boston game!!! its already public that ilya isn’t signing back with boston and it’s part of their 300 step plan of showing the public they’re friends before announcing the irina foundation.

its a show of respect as captains who have been playing against eachother for years and they weighed the pros and cons for weeks!! the pictures of them holding eachothers jerseys are very popular and circle back when they’re out and people start speculating the timeline.

thethirdromana

Putting the term "Catholic guilt" on a high shelf where fandom can't reach it until everyone learns how to identify characters who are very very clearly coded as Protestant.

vampfuneralprye

porcelain-rob0t

i need to go to margaritaville

rainbow-femme

Oh shit wait ok

So one year for charity different pro athletes get asked to participate in a live game based on one of those “how well do you know your partner” games but instead it’s “how well do you know your rival” and participating means you get to raise money for a charity of your choice and obviously Shane and Ilya want to promote the Irina Project so they agree and go up against other current famous rivals from other sports

And Shane and Ilya discuss ahead of time that obviously they’ll have to just play things off as they usually do, light hearted chirps back and forth and what not, “winning” is just for the show and won’t impact how much money gets made for their charity so it doesn’t matter. Except then they get there and become overtaken by the need to Win and Be the Best and they are the best. So without needing to discuss changing the plan, as soon as the questions start they lock in and decide that actually they have to demolish everyone else

The other rivals are laughing and making jokes at the questions but Shane and Ilya are deadly serious and the host starts to get a little weirded out by the fact that they actually know the answers and aren’t just saying things like “how many goals last season? Probably one less than me haha” and actually have each others stats memorized

Because the audience is loving it they go to a lightning round that’s just Shane and Ilya and it’s now the usual couple game questions and they’re still getting them right because they can make excuses for knowing later, right now is about Winning

“What is Shane’s favorite breakfast?”

“Kale protein shake with a scoop of peanut butter and a handful of blueberries.”

“Ok um, what is Ilya’s favorite breakfast?”

“Two sausage egg McMuffins with an extra slice of cheese and hashbrowns.”

“What is something on Shane’s bucket list?”

“Sleeping in one of those see through igloos under the northern lights.”

“What is something on Ilya’s bucket list?”

“That thing where you feed giraffes at a zoo.”

“Ok last one. I think we all know Shane’s answer is former paramour Rose Landry, but who do you think is the most famous person Rozanov has ever slept with is?”

*through teeth gritted so tight he is in danger of chipping one* “Probably a model. Or something.”

“… Yeah, let’s go with that.”

Years later when they’re out Shane reshares the clip and the only non-PR approved thing he says on the matter is “It was me, by the way. I am the most famous person Rozanov has ever slept with.”

watermelontuesdays

AU where Shane and Ilya don't hook up or have a decades-long secret. They don't really know each other at all, except to play each other.

Shane comes out of the closet sometime after Scott does, and in some random, lighthearted interview, they ask him what he's looking for in a man. And Shane's just, off-hand like, "Well, he'd have to have at least one Stanley Cup. Obviously." And when he gets a good reaction from that, he keeps going, like "Needs to be amazing at hockey. Definitely needs to be at least an All-Star, if not a captain. Hot too. If he can't bench-press me, I'm not interested."

And it's all in fun, except two days after the interview prints, Ilya Rozanov shows up at his door like "knock, knock. I am here to apply for boyfriend position. Do you need resume? I brought my Stanley Cup ring, just in case."

weewoo911

Loads of Hollanov fics have them getting walked in on while making out etc which is great

But I’d love a fic where one or both of Shane’s parents drop by the cottage for phone charger/laundry pod reasons and find Shane snuggled on the couch fast asleep on Ilya’s chest and that’s how they find out

They’re dressed in soft casual clothes, sleeping like the dead and wrapped around each other like vines and Ilya’s hand is in Shane’s hair and Shane looks so so comfortable and relaxed

Meanwhile his parents are staring slack-jawed at the sight of their son using his archenemy the Russian Rage Machine as a teddybear/pillow

msbarrows

I hope I'm online when it happens. I want to see a sudden flood of crab rave memes right after refreshing my dash, and in the middle of it all, the Castiel news meme. That's how I want to learn of it; not through anything solemn or serious, but via overwhelming silly celebration.

berdyayeva

It’s just me and my stupid clit against the fucking world

omens-of-what-is-to-cum

Okay justice for Ilya Rozanov, a man who notably managed his entire families finances and his dementia-having fathers caretaking since he was literally a teenager, while also essentially raising himself to be an elite, generational athlete by himself.

like what is this ‘Ilya needs the threat of a sex ban to pick up his socks’ slander or this ‘Ilya has terrible financial literacy’ misinformation or this ‘Ilya only eats junk food and needs to be forced to eat his veggies’ tomfoolery