OK genuinely I’m. Very sorry. I’ve been off the plane for a while now but the shock was so bad I haven’t been able to properly respond and at most all I’ve been able to do is sleep and eat, and even thats because I don’t want people to worry about me or for their efforts to make me feel better to go to waste
The last few days have been rocky to put it inappropriately but I literally don’t know what other way to describe it without getting too deeply into things or over sharing
Anyone who knows me knows that my family situation is not great, and over the past few months my online situation also cropped up to be not great, so the night before last was not good
I’m honestly just really tired. I still don’t feel great about all what happened and I probably won’t ever feel great about it for the rest of my life. I know I hurt people by doing this. I know I can say sorry all I want but if people don’t want to accept it or find it properly worthy of an apology, then that means it means nothing, and makes it seem like I’m saying it just to say it.
I promise I’m not. I’m sorry, and there’s nothing I can do now to take back what I’ve done to hurt people. Unless there’s anything they even want me to say or do, there is nothing I can say or do.
I will let everyone know I’m not with my family anymore, and I’ve been distancing myself from online spaces pretty much entirely for the past few months, which is part of why you might have been seeing me less and less.
You might have also noticed if you shared a bunch of servers with me that I left those as well. This was from a different unrelated incident, but it is what started me on this downward spiral of not thinking right.
Note: I didn’t expect anyone to notice or say anything about me leaving the servers, I had genuinely tried to do this for my own mental health and it was just meant to be a short break from everything. That was it. I had been planning to come back to the servers one by one once I felt that I was in a better headspace and started feeling better, and was just hanging around friends and websites at large to keep myself connected and also sane from what was going on outside.
To clarify what it was that pushed me to do this: Twitter. Dont go on there. Lesson learned. If there’s going to be accusations about someone, it might be better to let the actual victims come forward and say something rather than trying to speak for them like they can’t say anything for themselves.
Ok I think I’ve made this post long enough. I genuinely have no idea how long I’ve been at this and I’ve said way more than I need to but I also think I’ve said all I need to. If anyone wants to reach out, feel free; Im feeling better now, but I also don’t really feel comfortable coming forward and saying something anymore because last time I did that was pretty much a disaster. lol.
But for the time being I’m still here. I’m free now, somewhat, though I don’t know exactly what that means for me. I do still want to be active online, but returning to full activity will be a Very Slow drip feeding process and whatever spaces I was in before I Probably will not be returning to (I say probably because not all of them were bad. It was just largely an overreaction on my part but given how much damage I might have done I might not even be welcome back and if I’m not that’s probably a good thing wether it just be through conflict of interest or just because people genuinely Do Not want to talk to me anymore. I can understand either way)
Ok I’m tired again and my phones on low battery so after I post this I’ll probably be going back to sleep so thank you to everyone who has all been supportive throughout this and even those who haven’t. You’ve all been wonderful parts of my life and I don’t regret meeting you for a second. Love you guys 💖