Motto of My Life

what is social media?

[hotboyproblems]

me: *on my period*

me: sometimes u gotta bleed to know that ur alive and have a soul

[hope-crest]

me: wow things are actually going really well for once!

the crippling anxiety, waiting in the corner:

[thegaythirtysomething]

date someone who will…fuck I don’t know *spins wheel*…make you blueberry pancakes *spins wheel* on wednesday mornings *spins wheel* after you lose at mario kart 

[careerboyfriend]

dont let people tell u ur attraction to fire is "abnormal" or "hazardous" prometheus doesnt have his liver eaten every day for u to ignore the allure of arson

[just-shower-thoughts]

I hate that SEPTember OCTOber NOVember and DECember aren’t the 7th, 8th, 9th, and 10th months.

[advanced-procrastination]

Whoever fucked this up should be stabbed

[maybe-its-jake]

Today’s your lucky day

[commonly-used-penis-jokes]

One of the greatest scenes in television history by one of the greatest shows in television history.

[purplepiercedpeopleeater]

I want to be Louise when I grow up

[cellobeer-deactivated20200726]

The writing in this show is so flawless

[jigglyturk]

the “dont tell me to shut up” part has me in stitches all the time

[rehlaxe]

Have you ever really thought about how when you look at the moon, it’s the same moon Shakespeare and Marie Antoinette and Van Gogh and Cleopatra looked at.

[hotcommunist-deactivated2019032]

they all looked at the moon they’re all dead the moon is killing people wake up america

[oh-mother-of-darkness]

Your power is out but I guide you down the hallway with my sickass light-up shoes

[oh-mother-of-darkness]

Stop

[vonraptor]

No no, keep going.

[wreckofthewoods]

just dont look back

[fuckyeanihilism]

[greelin]

the spell can only be broken by true love’s high-five

[mjalti]

listen, when i go to open my mouth & what comes out is 12 degrees of seperation from what the original topic was, u need to connect the dots bitch. think fast. i’m not gonna hold ur hand but we’re leaving now and visiting every topic along the line. wave it goodbye, don’t get hung up on it

[theprideful-deactivated20251201]

everyone who reblogged this has adhd

[hotboyproblems]

me: goodnight moon

moon: goodnight lil bitch

[rosewater1997]

where are my fellow hysterical women who would have either been a) an oracle in ancient greece or b) burned at the stake in medieval times…..make some noise ladies 

[cockhunt]

can they like release new vegetables 

[ba2umia]

2020 is what 2012 wanted to be

[official-portugal]

twitter

[belldomar]

A quick translation:

Dude: OK, guys, let’s assign the disasters. Hum, tsunami. Who wants the tsunami?

2004: Yeah, I’ll have the tsunami.

Dude: OK, 2004 has the tsunami. 2012, do you still want the asteroid?

2012: Nah, no need.

Dude: Cool, let’s schedule that for 2030. OK, 2020, I have-

2020: FIRES.

Dude: OK, we can do fires, no problem-

2020: NUCLEAR TENSION.

Dude: Fires and… nuclear tension?

2020: PANDEMIC.

Dude: 2020, you can’t just- just have EVERYTHING-

2020: KOBE BRYANT DIES IN A HELICOPTER ACCIDENT.

1986: Wh-who’s Kobe Bryant?

1347: Heli-what?

Dude: So, you’re asking for fires, nuclear tension, a pandemic AND the death of basketball legend in your year!?

2020: TILL MARCH.

Dude: C’mon. Guys, help me with this.

1986: I would say something, but… CHERNOBYL! Oops, am I right?

2014: At least you still have the twin towers.

2000: Wait, what do you mean?

1347: I agree that 2020 is pushing it-

1945: YOU’RE LITERALLY- You’re the high point of the Bubonic plague!

1347: Oh, much apologies, Sir TWO ATONIC BOMBS!

1945: It’s ATOMIC, you f*ing medieval-

1347: Who are you calling medieval, G.I. Joe. Go play with your-

1945: Here we go again-

2000: Now, seriously, what-

1: Y’all want BREAD?!

1347, with a funny accent: Look at me! I have ME.DI.CI.NE.

[kayvsworld]

my body, tearfully: when sleep???

me: my dude we just woke up!! It’s time for wakefulness and doing things and Productivity

my body, weeping: but???? when sleep?????

[rizaoftheowls]

me: okay, finally now is sleep

my body: no. wrong.