Cyrus

Hi! I'm Cyrus and this my random account. I'll be posting about my transition ( ftm), experiences in life and just in general random things!

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Hey!

I posted at the beginning of this month a little life update and one of the things I included was about me finally starting the process of getting on testosterone and starting to medically transition.

Well as of July 22, 2020 I am officially 2 days on testosterone!

I went to my appointment on July 20th, I met with the first nurse and she went over the effects of testosterone again with me and my mom and allowed us to ask any questions we had. I had to also get bloodwork done at this appointment but I chose to do my shot over with since I was really excited for it. The nurse guided me through it and told me what to do, eventually my syringe was filled with testosterone and prepped with a proper injecting needle and I gave myself my first shot. I was nervous and my hands were slightly shaking but the shot did not hurt. It was kind of a foreign feeling to have the needle poke through my skin completely but besides that the shot went smoothly and I had no issues. The nurse said I did a really good job and was a badass for going through the shot process so smoothly.

Next was my blood work, I was nervous for this since I wasn't doing it myself and have never gotten my blood work done. The second nurse came in, told me what the blood was gonna show for results then proceeded to try and take my blood. My veins are extremely tiny and do not show up easily throughout my skin, this runs through my whole family and has always made things difficult. She was able to find a vein in my left arm and get a tiny bit of blood out but then it stopped. I drank some water incase it was dehydration and while we were waiting for the water to process through, my finger was pricked to test for iron. I honestly think my finger getting pricked was the most painful thing to deal with, everything else didn't really bother me. After letting the water process the second nurse tried my right arm, was able to find a vein but could not get any blood out. She then went to get a third nurse who could not find a vein at all so after they realized they were not gonna be able to draw blood they had a paper printed out for me to bring to a hospital to check in with a specialist and get the blood work done then. My familys car is in the shop right now and I don't really want to take a cab up to the hospital so I'll be getting my blood work done sometime later this week.

My appointment took about 45 minutes, all the staff was incredibly friendly and very helpful through everything. I think going through planned parenthood for this process was a great decision.

My shots are 100ml of testosterone intermuscular every Monday.

I have to give myself another shot in 5 days and if I feel comfortable enough I am going to try and film it.

That is all for today, thank you for reading!

Cyus

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Hola!

I know I haven't posted for about 4 months even when I said Id be posting more. Sometimes I just can't find the moviation or time to do it but I hope that will change. I do have a couple big announcements to make!

#1. February 1st, 2020 I came out to my mom offically about my sexuality ( about being bisexual) and told her about my relationship with my boyfriend. I had never told her about me being in a relationship before and I'm pretty sure before this point as far as my sexuality goes, she thought I only liked girls. Around Christmas was when I decided coming out to her about my relationship is something I wanted to do, it was Christmas break so me and my boyfriend were both out of school so we spent alot of time gaming and on the phone and honestly it was my best Christmas break ever. I realized how truly in love i was with him and how I actually wanted a future with him so telling atleast part of my family sooner or later would be a good idea. My boyfriend was a great supporter thoughout the whole process, he understood how anxious it was making me since I don't like talking about my feelings especially with my family and he stuck by me through it all. I definitely don't regret, there's sometimes my mom will make a snide comment but she does that with alot of things and even though I don't want to, I've lived to live with it. I think when I first told her it was hard for her to grasp since me and my boyfriend are long distance and dont blame on meeting for awhile, around 1-2 more years, since he has some of his own personal issues to deal with first but she has come a long way and I'm thankful for her for trying. All my siblings know and they all handle it in their own way but are also most of the time supportive.

#2 After 12 years of being homeschooled I have finally graduated! ( June 26,2020) It's feels surreal but I'm glad the day finally came. When I first began school I faced some difficulties that made me believe I wouldn't graduate at the age of 18, there's nothing wrong with being an older graduate but this was just a personal goal of mine. So after a lot of hard work and doing a dual year of junior/senior highschool I can say I graduated 1 month before I turned 18! I'm glad I can now further my education in ways that are specific to my future and what I want to do with it! I'm so grateful for all my family and friends that believed in me and my abilities to get to this point!

( here's some pictures of me in my cap and gown!)

#3. This is personally the most exciting to me all. I mean I'm grateful for all of them, but this is something I've been waiting for, for the longest time. I have started the process of getting on testosterone! Yes that's right, ya boy is finally getting the T! It honestly feels amazing to type it out cause I never thought I would make it to this point of starting my medical transition. I'm going through my local planned parenthood, I had my first appointment which was a phone call consultant ( due to covid) two days ago, July 8,2020. This consultant was basically just a lot of questions. It was questions about my mental health, my sexual activity, what I want from HRT, some of the changes Im looking forward to, what helps my dysphoria and what makes it worse, if I was in a safe environment, family health history etc. Alot of the questions were focused around the services they provide and the resources they know of, they asked these questions just to see what else they could help me with besides hrt, I thought it was really considerate. Even though some of the questions revolving the monthly cycle were uncomfortable they were very kind about it and didn't make it awkward. One of the things I felt was really nice is when they asked me if I had any terms I liked to use for my body or if medical terms were okay. It showed they really do care and were coming from a place where they just wanted to make sure I'm comfortable and felt like I could open up if needed. Before we ended the call I was able to set up my next appointment which is my official intial appointment since I'll be able to go to the office. My appointment is July 20,2020. Before I go to my appointment my prescription for testosterone will be sent to my pharmacy and I have to pick it up, so when I go to the appointment I have it with me. I believe they said I'm starting out on 1ml or some type of standard dosage, my phone was cutting out so I didn't hear the number clearly. To my understanding what is gonna happen at the appointment is, me and my mom will fill out consent forums, i'm starting literally 1 day before I turn 18 so my mom still has to sign off but it's not a biggie to me, I will get some blood drawn for lab work ( just to check for some of my levels due to past family health concerns), I will get training on how to do an injection and I will be getting my first injection of testosterone. The consultant alone took an hour so I'm assuming this appointment will be around the same time or an hour more. I need to talk to my doctor about it but I'm pretty sure I will be taking the testosterone via intermuscular injections. There's definitely a lot that's gonna be happening but the fact I'm this close to starting Testosterone is amazing.

I will definitely be posting updates about my transitions more frequently so if that's something you're interested in, feel free to give this account a follow.

I believe that's covers everything for now, thank you for reading!- Cyrus

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Hello!

Hello there, it is I Cyrus. i know i have not been the most active here and i apologize. i have had some stuff to write about and will be making posts about but i have just been busy with school, and when my winter break came around in February i was at the point i just wanted to relax and not really put effort into anything.

I will start posting again, a new post should be up this week about some personal things i have been going through. I am also planning on being more active this following summer, around July specifically, because i will be 18 and   if everything follows through i will officially be starting my  medical transition by starting hormone replacement therapy! I of course will love to document this journey as much as i can, especially considering i would never have thought even just a year ago that i could be starting HRT so soon. There is bad times but it is amazing to see how things have worked out lately and im incredibly grateful. 

keep an eye out for the new posts!                                                                      thank you for the continuous support,                                                                  Cyrus :D

[lunar-pantheon]

to all trans guys: the f on your birth certificate isnt for female, its to pay respects

[anarchohellenism]

To all trans women: the m on your birth certificate isn’t for male, it’s for ma'am

[space-for-brains]

To all NB friends: F is for Fabulous and M is for Mambo no. 5

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Jubilee- Do All Transgender People Think The Same?

I was recently watching some videos in my youtube recommended and this video kept pulling up. I thought it would be a fun idea to give my answer on the questions they had set up for the individuals they selected for the video.

#1 children are capable of understanding their gender identity

My answer- I agree, I believe there are plenty of children that understand their gender identity. The thing they could struggle with at that young of an age is how to put their thoughts and feelings to words and if they manage to that, finding a support system that will listen and understand. As a young child, I’d say ages 1-7, I thought I was a cisgender male. Even though people around me would reference me as a girl, use she/her, I’d wear skirts and play with “ girl” toys, the connection never made through to my brain. I don’t remember what exactly brought me to reality and would eventually lead to a road of insecurity and dysphoria, but I truly wish i could’ve lived in that mindset until I was in my teens and had information that could’ve helped me realize my true self.

#2 gender roles are necessary

My answer- I slightly agree. I believe gender roles should be less harsh and seem less important to society. The reason why I think gender roles are necessary, is because these gender roles can be the cause of realization for many transgender people.

#3 gender reassignment surgery is necessary to be transgender

My answer- the only thing I believe is necessary to be transgender is dysphoria. I wouldn’t understand if someone could transition but didn’t ( even with dysphoria) but at that point still I wouldn’t judge them.

#4 dating is difficult for me

My answer- I believe being transgender can add another layer of difficulty to dating but personally I haven’t had that many issues. I’ve only had 3 serious relationships, counting the one I am in right now. The first one was unaccepting, the second took some time but came and finally the third one ( my current boyfriend) he is also transgender but I have no doubt he would be supportive no matter what. My first relationship and being accepted was definitely hard and made me insecure but I do recognize for the rest of my relationships I’ve been lucky.

#5 there are risks to being transgender

My answer- I agree, there is danger that comes to any person of the lgbtq community. Especially people of color members

#6 I love my body

My answer- my dysphoria can get pretty bad but my confidence has come a long way. Obviously I still can’t for the changes of testosterone and to get top surgery one day, but I try to stay positive about myself and focus on the things I like about my body.

#7 sometimes I wish I wasn’t transgender

My answer- I do kinda agree. I believe part of myself was made from my experiences being transgender in a good and bad way but it would make things easier to be cisgender. Unfortunately, it’s not my choice since I have dysphoria but I make it through each day and I will continue to push through.

That was all the questions mentioned in the video. I might do another one of these on their video “ do all guys think alike” but I’ll see how you guys enjoy this first.

Thank you for reading,

Cyrus

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I’m going to be making a post soon ( I might turn it into a lil series if I end up liking to do it)

The post is going to be about posts on specifically reddit ( if this turns into a series I’ll grab posts from Twitter, tumblr etc.) asking for trans people’s opinion on certain situations. So the main point is they will be my opinions, if you disagree I understand and I would love to discuss it with you civilly if we get a chance too. And this goes out to any posts in the future. If you don’t agree there’s no reason we can’t have a normal conversation about it and try to see each others point of views.

Also a note with this if there’s anything going on about lgbtq matters, that you want to see my personal opinion on or just for it to be brought up, please send an ask or comment on one of my posts and I’ll make a post about it as soon as I can. I feel like this would be a nice way for you guys to interact with the page and it would help for content if I ever get stuck.

Thank you,

Cyrus

[oliverashton95]

“It’s okay if people don’t see your vision because it’s not for them to see”

—

unknown 

Saw this in Aydian Dowling’s recent video and it’s these quotes that make me be able to live the days on without being all sad and stuff I mean. 

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Hey guys!

Hey guys I just wanted to write a quick little appreciation post to everyone who follows this account and likes my posts. It truly means a lot!

Also! I’d like some suggestions on what to write about or react to, so comment somethings you’d like to see below!

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Happy national coming out day!

Today is October 11th,2019 and it is National Coming Out day!

A few messages for today:

Always make sure to come out when it is safe and you are ready.

Never make anyone feel pressured to come out, everyone comes out at their own pace.

Never out anyone, as someone who as experienced it. It is one of the worst betrayals in my opinion. It’s just not the right thing to do.

You’re valid if you’re still in the closet.

You’re valid if you’ve came out.

This is the personal bit now. ( it does have some sensitive subjects such as thoughts of sucide and self harm)

I came out around the end of August to my mom as transgender ftm. It wasn’t really official and I didn’t get to give her my letter but It finally clicked for her, like truly. Sometimes she will bring up in fights and that does hurt a lot but there’s nothing I can do about that, I’m just glad our relationship hasnt really changed.

I just think back 5+ years ago and realize that I never thought I’d come out. Wether that’s because I would eventually change my mind, I’d never have the environment to or simply because I wouldn’t be here still. As depressing as it sounds I never thought I’d make it pass 14 but I have. Whenever I have my bad days, it’s horrible but I don’t let it reset me. I’ve fought past all my worst days so far and I’ve made it. I’ve made it further then I ever thought I would. I’m also around 7 months clean from any self harm, which just blows my mind.

Of course I still have hard days that sometimes stretch to weeks but when I’m doing good and happy, I’m like genuinely happy. Something I never thought I’d feel but here I am. Things do get better, it just takes time. You just need to be patience and keep your head up no matter how hard that is.

Okay okay enough of that sappy stuff, happy National Coming Out day. I hope yours is good and make sure to stay safe!

-Cyrus

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❗️Important❗️

This is a quick post and it’s not gonna be put together that well but I think it’s important if it is true. I saw this on Instagram from someone I follow and I think it’s worth a read.

This is incredibly scary and just a reminder to be careful on the internet no matter what!

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An update on the situation regarding my last post! If there is anymore updates I will post them!

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❗️Important❗️

This is a quick post and it’s not gonna be put together that well but I think it’s important if it is true. I saw this on Instagram from someone I follow and I think it’s worth a read.

This is incredibly scary and just a reminder to be careful on the internet no matter what!

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Update on coming out!

Hey guys, I know I haven’t posted a proper post in a while but Ive been busy. I was enjoying the last days of summer and vacation and now I’m onto my second week of school! I will try and be more active but for now let’s continue one with this post.

I had written a post awhile back stating why coming out was hard and I mentioned within it, I was going to come out sometime in August and I did! It was not in the way I planned because I didn’t get to give my mom the letter but it still happened so that’s all that matters.

Basically what happened was my mom kept talking about trans stuff all one weekaround the 2nd week into August. We went to the beach a couple times and on those times driving back home we would just have conversations about me being lgbt. We didn’t argue and surprisenly it was peaceful. In those talks I got to mention some stuff that has happened to me in the past and actually get it off my chest.

About a week after that we were talking one night at home and I wanted to confirm that she knew so I simply asked her that if we were on the same page or not and knew I was transgender. She said yes and we didn’t talk for the rest of the night because i think it clicked in our brains that it was actually confirmed.

It hasn’t been bad, our relationship hasn’t really changed which I was worried about so that’s positive. She’s only used my identity against me a few times when we got into petty arguments but besides that there’s really been no fights about it. She has said that she will never call me her son, which I mean it did hurt hearing that but I was expecting it. I obviously still need to talk to her about transitioning but that will take some time.

Also my sisters know, I don’t think they really understand but my mom told them one day when they were visiting. It didn’t go great but there was other personal issues going on that day, which I don’t think helped with the new information.

I’m just really glad I stuck to coming out this time. It’s weird to think 5 years ago I never imagined this and to be honest I didn’t even know if I was even still gonna be here. Sure I still have my rough days but I’m working on myself. I’ve realized these problems are temporary and I can make it through it.

Just a huge thank you to all my friends, my family and anyone who looks at this page for being there for me and giving me support on this journey. I still have a long way to go but everyday is new progress towards the goal.

Thank you for reading and I’ll see you with the next post- Cyrus

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Small rant

I know I said I wasn’t posting until I did a proper post but this has been on my mind. I’m doing a dual year of junior/senior 2019/2020. I graduate probably around June, turn 18 in July and was suppose to start college in September. I personally wanted to take a year off to work, save up money start therapy, and start hormone replacement therapy. My mom doesn’t want me to take a year off because she says I’ll lose moviation but also I don’t know how this is gonna work out without the break. It rushes me to talk to my mom about the idea of starting T, I’m obviously not gonna do it right now because I just came out officially a week ago. Plus the process of going to therapy and getting a referral takes around 3-6 months. I also want to legally change my name and I need to save up money for that. so I don’t know what to do

Sorry for the rant, post is coming soon.- Cyrus

Sorry about the random rant

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Hey guys

Hey! I’m sorry about not posting much I’ve been enjoying my free time before I go back to school on the 9th. ( I’m homeschooled and am doing a dual year of junior/senior) I am out to my mom and some of my siblings, so I will be writing a post before school starts about that and how it went. Also talking about school would you guys want a post about how it is being trans and being homeschooled ( taught by my parent)? I don’t feel like there is that much of a difference compared to public school, but there is definitely some pros and cons to it. So let me know if that’s something you’d want to see and I’ll back in a couple days with a new post!- Cyrus

[pa-tr0-clus]

@ those fuckers who say we don’t need pride anymore because we ‘have equal rights’

1) People don’t get kicked out of their homes/families for being straight/cis

2) People don’t get fired from/rejected for jobs for being straight/cis

3) It is illegal to be gay in 72 countries (as of 2017)

4) Same-sex marriage has only been legal in the UK for less than 5 years and same-sex marriage has only been legal in all 50 states for less than 4 years

5) The chances of being murdered is approx. 1 in 12 for trans people

So yes we still have pride parades, yes we still have pride month, because just because we ‘have equal rights’ doesn’t mean we’re really treated equally

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wishing you all the best for when you come out!! 💛💙 I’m planning on coming out to my family soon too; it’s definitely scary, but it’s better to get it over and done than to have to deal with this shit for any longer y’know?

That’s how I’ve been feeling! I’m never gonna be any less nervous so might as well do it! Good luck on your coming out as well!

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in conclooshon: i wuv u

These were adorable, thank you!