ramble ramble @mowoka - Tumblr Blog

hi, hows life goin?

It's certainly a life, that's for sure.

2024's already off to a rough start.

I was fully expecting this year to be more of a "tying up loose ends and making things better" type of year, but I honestly got thrown for a curve already. Outside of a pet death at my mom's, a medical issue came up I never expected to have. I had a seizure late on the 16th. I've had to make a bit of a timeline due to my memory being extremely foggy, but by the looks of things, I ended up having a grand mal seizure. The fatigue and pain afterwards is horrible, and the feeling is something that feels awful, too. I didn't realise how serious having a seizure can be until some people told me and kept telling me that they're glad I'm still alive. I haven't really felt the same since I had it, and the last three days or so has been battling fatigue, some of the worst brain fog of my life, and the paranoia and anxiety of "What if another one happens?" over and over in bursts, while having periods of feeling really, REALLY bad. My family has no history of seizures or epilepsy, for that matter, so it's been a bit terrifying to have to experience alone. For now, it seems the main worry is making sure I don't get hurt and that I know what triggers it, if it's not a one-time thing. I've been on edge since, and I'm not really handling it well, if I'm honest. So, yeah, that's how my 2024 has started. Not really a great thing to deal with but at the very least I'm still here? I still don't feel normal and I'm hoping that *maybe* I can return to normal at some point soon..

#seizure #epilepsy #seizures #2024 #grand mal #exhausted #anxious #tired #fatigued #not sleeping well #sick #start of the year #god i hate this body sometimes

random post because why not

i do not post here much

but then again, i don't post anywhere. i'm like the ghost of social media; some people know i exist, but for the most part they likely can't find me.

you can interact with me but i do not promise any responses

#ghost #spooky #social media #hidden #i have nothing better to do

I’ve kept it secret from friends and family, but my condition is deteriorating, and at a faster rate than I thought.

Truthfully, I’m hoping I only have a year or two left so the pain finally ends. Every day I’m more and more fatigued, running out of energy just sitting at my desk. I don’t want to worry them, and given I can’t see a specialist due to circumstances, I’m fine with my condition killing me if that’s what ends up happening. At the very least, I’ve tried living out my life as best as I can with the circumstances; there’s more I would’ve liked to have done, but that’s okay.

#chronic illness #fatigue #depression #depressed

I’ve tried communicating. It fails each time.

At this point, maybe it’s better to give up. I just wanted to fix something so I had a little more freedom, but it’s not bound to happen.

retrogamingblog2

a-large-pillar-of-salt-deactiva

DO NOT REBLOG FROM OP THEY LOCKED ME IN A CONCRETE CELL LET ME OUT LET ME OUT I KNOW YOU CAN STILL HEAR ME.IM SORRY I THOUGHT ABOUT FUCKING THE LEAFEON

mowoka

what in the cinnamon toast fuck did i just read

ikarus-the-phoenix

Reblog if you didn’t write My Immortal

We’re going to find the author by process of elimination.

I tried.

I don't think I can fix things, it's up to her now.

I’m crying a bit.

I know the end is near, and the pain will end. But knowing that I’ve always been alone, I should’ve realized sooner.

Thank you, again, for everything.

I have 20 days left, and then it’ll be the end, I hope.

Better hope I don’t fuck it up this time. Nobody knows, and that’s for the better.

Love it when my girlfriend and her friend start making fun of me.

Yeah, I have too many questions.

I wonder if they’ll all forget me when I’m dead. Who knows. I don’t know when I’ll die. Maybe one day soon, maybe it’s far away. Your guess is as good as mine is.