warning. this blog contains (n)sfw, dark content, and spoilers. for your own safety, please only read stuff you’re comfortable with. minors interact at your own risk.
small update !! i’m in the middle of my exams of my second semester which is why my blog has been so silent. i write my last urgent exam at the end of july and will start writing and posting around that time again :)
also, welcome to all my new followers !! so glad to have you all here. we almost hit 1000 followers and i actually cannot express my joy in words but i am truly so wonderfully delighted to see my blog grow <3
synopsis.: chuuya loves you and you clearly love him, so why don’t you just admit it already?
pairing.: chuuya nakahara x fem!reader
cw.: nsfw, no established relationship, soft dom chuuya, oral sex (chuuya ⇢ receiving), face fucking, vulgar language, some light angst, angry love confession, reader is slightly unreasonable, push and pull kind of relationship
wc.: 3.3k
۶ৎ note.: not a request but just something i had on my mind for ages. anyway, hope you guys enjoy!!
chuuya’s turned away from you on the bed, his breathing steady. almost too steady considering you two have just had sex an hour ago. you’re staring holes into his back, tracing the folds of his black shirt with your eyes.
the urge to run your fingers through his hair just once is so unbelievably strong that you can feel your fingers twitch as you have to stop them from reaching out.
a soft, unheard sigh leaves your lips as you slowly get up and pull the covers away from your body.
a mild breeze from an open window graces your warm skin, making you curl slightly inward. you’re tired and slightly sore, covered in violet yet heavenly bruises.
if you could, you would just lie back down and fall asleep beside chuuya, your body pressed up against his as his comforting scent and warmth surround you. you’d be drowning in him and only him.
it’s not like you can’t do that. you’re sure chuuya wouldn’t mind. in fact, he’s still awake, lying motionless on his side and hoping that you just turn back around and wrap your arms around him.
but you don’t want to. and right now he’s cursing you in his head for making his mattress lighter once again.
as soon as your feet hit the ground and you bend down to pick up your shirt that got messily discarded earlier, chuuya suddenly sits up. he’s watching you get dressed with a profound heaviness in his gaze.
“you’re leaving?” he asks, his voice indifferent but you can hear the faint undertone of frustration in it.
you look over your shoulder, sparing him one small glance before looking away again. “yeah, i want to sleep in my own bed,” you say, the brief moment of hesitation exposing your lie to chuuya easily.
he just scoffs as he brings his feet over the edge of the bed and opens the drawer of his nightstand. his hand reaches inside and rummages for a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.
he lights it inside the bedroom before walking toward the balcony, purposefully bumping into your shoulder to shove you out of his way.
you stumble backward a little, frowning at him before tugging at his shirt to get him to stop. he drops the cigarette by accident, seeming even more annoyed now.
“what the fuck was that for?! why are you in such a pissy mood all of a sudden?” you say somewhat louder, sounding just as annoyed.
“i’m not–” chuuya grumbles before cutting himself off and looking at you with a hint of disgust.
truthfully, he feels used. he isn’t exactly the type to openly get attached to someone, so he’s struggling to articulate that he doesn’t want you to leave at all.
you keep crawling back to him whenever you need a quick distraction, both of you getting your minds hazy and pressing your lips against each other’s.
somehow, despite how often chuuya tries to stay strong, you two always end up in his bed. naked. letting loose of both of your built-up frustration.
he shouldn’t care so much, and it shouldn’t bother him so much that you always end up leaving afterward. but he can’t simply shake off the feelings he has for you.
he doesn’t know how they developed, why they developed, and why they’re so intense. but it’s making him mad that you apparently don’t feel the same way, even after all the times he has comforted you with his body, soothed your nerves with his lips, and offered you solace in his space.
it’s frustrating, especially since you keep pretending nothing has ever happened between you two whenever you both are on a mission, or walking past each other in the hollow halls of the port mafia—halls that don’t feel as empty as long as you’re walking them with him.
he hates your clear apathy toward the conflicting yet obvious feelings swirling between the both of you. it’s hurtful in a sense and reopening scars he long pretends aren’t littering his soul.
“just fuck off and get out. make it quick.” chuuya dismisses his own and your feelings as he turns around and walks out to the balcony.
he leans against the railing and lets his head fall low before lighting up a new cigarette. he takes a long drag, closing his eyes before exhaling the smoke.
chuuya watches the smoke twirl around itself before it disappears into thin air. you watch him from afar with a bitter taste on your tongue, clutching the pendant of the necklace around your neck.
the frown on your face deepens as conflict surrounds you. you should probably leave. leave and give him some time to cool off. after all, it’s chuuya. he’ll be fine. he’s strong, isn’t he? surely everything will be the same again in a few days.
but what if it won’t? what if he doesn’t want to see you again if you decide to leave now? why are these thoughts suddenly plaguing your mind? you never cared about such trivialities before—not truly anyway.
yet the thought that you could lose him makes your heart ache and your chest feel strangely tight.
eventually, you make your way over to him and reluctantly wrap your arms around him. you rest your chin on top of his shoulder, exhaling with a hint of shakiness.
“whatever it is that i did, chuuya, let me make it up to you. please,” you whisper softly, your lips grazing the outer shell of his ear as they trail lower.
chuuya’s muscles tense as soon as his mind registers your warm breath against his skin. the cherry of the cigarette he’s holding is torturously slowly creeping closer to his fingers, but for some reason he doesn’t move.
it’s not like he can’t. he just wants to prolong your affection for a bit longer while he’s deep in thought, afraid you’ll stop if he moves. he’s so selfish.
“i told you to get out,” chuuya grumbles as he steps away from you, throwing the cigarette away and off the balcony.
you stare at him in slight disbelief, suddenly feeling uncomfortable and out of place. your cheeks heat up just a little from the failed attempt at comforting him and you cross your arms over your chest protectively.
“i’m not going until you tell me what your fucking problem is! is it the sex? was it not to your liking, mr. fancy? because if you want someone or something more exquisite then you should just tell me instead of throwing me out like some damn hooker,” you say, sounding frustrated and hurt in your pride.
“oh, but isn’t that just what ya are—a mere hook-up? i don’t seem to exist to you outside of this bedroom, and you leave every god damn time after getting what you want. so if you can treat me like i’m just yer fuck buddy, why can’t i?” chuuya answers surprisingly calmly, watching you with a sharp gaze.
you remain silent despite immediately wanting to yell at him for the audacity he has, but then again, he’s right.
you have been treating him like a simple hook-up. you have been ignoring and avoiding him in the port mafia on purpose. but he doesn’t know that you did all of that for good reason. besides, you two aren’t even together, so why the hell does it bother him so much?
“is that seriously why you’re mad at me? because i haven’t been cuddling with you after we fucked? jesus christ, chuuya, you’re acting like a child right now. we’re not even a couple,” you continue to argue.
truthfully, you just don’t want to admit your feelings for him. you two wouldn’t work out anyway, especially not with such a dangerous occupation you both share.
chuuya scoffs once more at your words, slowly starting to feel his blood boil. somehow that comment gets under his skin. he takes a deep breath, trying to control his anger.
“you don’t get it, do you?” chuuya says, taking a step closer to you again. you stand your ground, not intimidated by him in the slightest.
“what don’t i get, chuuya? please, enlighten me,” you say with a hint of mock curiosity, clearly irritated by him as you roll your eyes and not really interested in what he has to say.
“for fuck’s sake, i’m in love with you! can’t you see that?” chuuya raises his voice, relief washing over him almost instantly now that his feelings are finally out in the open. he’s been keeping them to himself for too long.
your expression softens ever so slightly and you stare at him with shock reflecting off your eyes. he loves you? how could he ever love someone like you? someone who’s been using him for nothing more than their own sordid pleasure?
he could be joking. however, that thought is quickly dismissed. chuuya isn’t the type to mess with someone’s feelings. not after what he’s been put through.
that uncomfortable feeling inside of you grows steadily stronger within seconds, spreading to every nerve in your body. you feel sick to your stomach—not because of his love for you, of course, but because of how ignorant you’ve been.
a heavy sense of guilt lays itself on you, preventing you from thinking clearly—preventing you from returning his love even though your heart yearns just as much for him as his does for you. he deserves someone else, someone more worthy.
chuuya notices how tense you’ve suddenly gotten, how much invisible pain you seem to be in. is that his fault? he never wanted to hurt you or make you feel uncomfortable because of his love for you.
but he just cannot imagine that you truly don’t feel anything for him. that’s simply not possible. not after all these nights you spend together.
tentatively, he reaches out and grabs your chin, gently tilting your head up. “come on, say something,” chuuya mumbles, his thumb tracing absentmindedly over your lips.
despite wanting to lean into his touch, you grab his wrist and guide his hand away from your face instead. “we can’t be together, chuuya,” you mutter, instinctively avoiding his gaze.
chuuya’s expression hardens at that and he furrows his brows in confusion. “what do you mean we can’t be together? what the hell’s stopping you?” he says, his voice taking on a more desperate tone. “seriously, what are you so afraid of?”
“i’m not afraid of anything!” you exclaim somewhat louder, wanting to let go of his wrist but you only end up holding on tighter.
honestly, you’re not sure what exactly is holding you back. no, scratch that. you are sure of what’s holding you back.
you’re scared. scared you’re not worthy of him or his love. scared that being together will ruin whatever it is you two share between each other. it’s better to keep things light, casual, free from any sort of expectations or responsibilities.
even if that means you two will just continue to orbit next to each other, occasionally clashing and indulging in a glimpse of this all-consuming passion you feel in both of your hearts—if only to dull the aching yearning for a moment.
“i don’t… feel the same way you do,” you speak after a long moment of just staring at him in silence, finally letting go of his wrist.
chuuya can see how hard these words fall from your lips, just barely. he isn’t convinced, and the fact you held on to him for so long, as if you were afraid he’d disappear if you let go, isn’t helping your case either.
“i don’t believe you,” he says, but doesn’t press further. instead, he lights up a new cigarette and averts his gaze from you, allowing you a moment to yourself.
you clutch the pendant of your necklace again, clenching your jaw to keep yourself from ruining the lie he doesn’t believe anyway.
chuuya lets out a heavy sigh before turning to look at you once more. eventually, he steps closer, pulling you in by your waist. your hands move to rest on his chest, keeping him at a small distance.
“i could just fuck the truth out of you, you know,” he whispers directly into your ear, making your cheeks flush. “fortunately for you, i’m a gentleman at heart. if you can’t admit that you love me—fine. but don’t pretend i don’t exist whenever i’m tryna talk to ya.”
your eyes widen ever so slightly and you can feel your throat tightening. your mind wants to protest, wants to feed him more lies. but every fiber of your body is clearly trying to resist from messing things up even more.
it doesn’t understand why you would intentionally try to destroy the only connection to a person who’s ever made you feel like you belong. it’s fucked up. you know that, too. you just can’t help it.
“i’m not perfect. i know that. and if you need more time sorting out your stuff, i get that. i ain’t tryna pressure you. just… acknowledge me and let me love you. even if you don’t feel the same way,” chuuya says, planting a tender kiss right against the pulse point on your neck.
he can feel the way your heart is racing and it’s making him smirk because he knows. you nod slowly, exhaling the breath you’ve been unintentionally holding. though it’s more a breath of relief, really.
“now, how about i mark you up some more before you go?” chuuya says, already grazing his teeth against your skin again.
“i’m not sure– ah~… if this is a good idea…” you murmur, your eyes fluttering shut briefly.
“well, then at least compensate for the damage you’ve done. emotionally and physically,” chuuya answers with a small pause, rubbing his erection against your thigh just in case you didn’t get the hint.
you look down at him, noticing the bulge in his loose boxers. “right here?” you ask, your question followed by a quiet chuckle.
chuuya takes a drag from his cigarette, exhaling the smoke right above your head so you wouldn’t have to breathe it in. “wherever you want, doll face. we could do it up in the air for all i care,” he says, offering an enticing idea.
you never really thought about the endless possibilities you have to make your sex life more interesting thanks to chuuya’s ability. however, that’s an idea that has yet to be explored some other time.
“maybe another time,” you mumble before you press your lips against his, your hands gliding down his chest.
chuuya returns the kiss eagerly, his hand that’s been digging into your hip slowly wandering upward to cup your cheek. he deepens the kiss before pulling away to take another drag of his cigarette.
you use the moment to kneel down in front of him, the coldness of the tiles of chuuya’s balcony sending chills down your spine. you pull his boxers down and his cock springs free, slapping right against your tongue as you open your mouth.
chuuya groans at the warm and wet feeling, his tip still sensitive since you two fucked earlier. his free hand disappears behind your head, gathering a fistful of your hair.
you lick the pre-cum off his throbbing tip, stroking the base of his cock a few times before taking him fully into your mouth.
chuuya thrusts his hips forward with restraint, his grip on your hair tightening. he doesn’t want you to choke on his dick, but the gurgling sounds escaping your mouth just sound too delicious.
your slick tongue lathers up the side of his shaft inside your mouth and you can feel his tip just barely grazing the back of your throat.
“fuck… takin’ me so well, darling,” chuuya praises you before starting to move along in rhythm with your head bobbing back and forth. “you’re such a needy girl.”
you can feel yourself growing wet, your body simply responding beautifully to his sinful voice. now you regret your choice of not agreeing to having full-on sex. oh well, perhaps it’s not too late to change your mind.
chuuya takes one last drag of his cigarette before throwing the stub off the balcony and suddenly holding your head still with both of his hands.
your movements come to a halt and you whine against his cock, sending vibrations down his length that has chuuya letting out a low moan.
he moves the loose strands of hair out of your face, his touch gentle and soothing against your skin. he grins down at you, clearly enjoying the view before fucking your face.
“fuck, your mouth feels too good,” he mutters in between stifled groans as you feel his cock twitch inside your mouth. you taste even more pre-cum on your tongue that’s dribbling out the corner of your mouth.
your eyes begin to water from how rough he’s being and your mind blanks. you swallow your own moans as your hands grip his thighs to keep yourself steady.
the ridges of the tiles of the balcony are slowly but surely making themselves noticeable as they dig into your skin but you simply don’t care. all you care about is chuuya’s cock abusing your mouth.
“want me to come down your throat? would you like that, my sweet girl? you’re being so obedient right now. think that deserves a reward, doesn’t it?” chuuya teases you, his voice sounding surprisingly calm for someone who’s trying his hardest to hold out a little while longer.
perhaps out of pettiness so he can ruin that pretty face of yours for a moment longer. you did hurt him pretty badly after all. maybe that will teach you a lesson to not ignore him anymore.
you nod and hum eagerly in response to his words, or rather as best as chuuya’s grip allows, while needy and desperate whines fall from your lips.
chuuya’s rhythm grows erratic and you swear you can feel his cock swell even further before he thrusts it one last time against the gummy walls of your throat.
thick spurts of salty cum flood your mouth as you slurp over every vein pulsing down his dick. your lips briefly kiss his pelvis and your eyes roll back into the depths of your skull as you moan.
chuuya’s fingers press harder against the back of your head and he lets out a guttural groan as he holds you in place just to feel your throat struggling around the girth of his cock. you gag ever so softly, tapping the inside of his thigh as a small warning.
he pulls out of your inviting heat the moment his mind registers your tapping and loosens his grip around your hair. you swallow the cum still inside your mouth, panting ever so slightly.
the sight of you swallowing all of his cum makes chuuya’s cock twitch in response but he’s far too overstimulated for another round and you know that too.
you tuck him away carefully while chuuya moves one of his hands to cup your cheek. he wipes away a stray tear with his thumb before pulling you up to stand again.
you wipe your mouth clean with the back of your hand, your expression far too cute for chuuya not to chuckle.
eventually, he looks down at you, noticing how red your knees are from the uncomfortable ground. “you know, even if we’re not a couple… you can still sleep over sometimes,” he says, offering you a place to stay for tonight at least.
“yeah, sure. only for tonight though,” you say, knowing it’s pretty late.
it probably wouldn’t be worth it to sleep at your own apartment anyway. you’d have to get all your stuff, drive home, shower, and then sleep. way too much effort and time wasted, especially if chuuya has a perfectly fine bed.
besides, chuuya lives closer to the port mafia anyway, which means even more sleep. after today, you both definitely need it.
“we’ll see about that,” chuuya replies before pulling you a bit closer, both of you cooling down out on the balcony for a while longer before crawling back into bed.
WELL, I’M TRYING TO GET MORE CONSISTENT AGAIN AND POST AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK! ITS BEEN WORKING SO FAR, SOOO HOPEFULLY I CAN GET BACK TO POSTING EVERY TWO DAYS AGAIN! <3
YOURE BACK OMG YAYAYAYAY (it's been a while since I last heard from you how's life going)
YAYAYA I’M BACK AND I MISSED SO MANY OF YOU
it’s soooo interesting to see what ya all have been up to haha ( ◜‿◝ )♡ but yeah, life’s going well so far i suppose
nothing major is happening besides the fact that i’m trying to get better mentally and physically!! university is sorta of meh, but that’s only because i got no one to hang with during my free time in between soo yeah :< that’s always a bit frustrating and lowkey making me sorta insecure because i’ve got nothing to do, so i’m just studying in the library or skip some lessons to get home earlier (｡ŏ﹏ŏ)
idk i imagined university a bit differently and if it were up to me only, i would have liked to just get a job after finishing high school but my mom is lowkey forcing me to go sooo
i mean i get it, she just wants the best life possible for me and part of that is being educated, but idk
at least i find major very interesting
anywayyy, hope you’re doing great too :) feel free to tell me about your week as well !! <3
sorry i wrote my request very sleepy (4'10" reader) could it be fluffy and sweet please? thank you, sorry for english
───── SHORT PEOPLE PROBLEMS ˛𑣲 ˚ .
synopsis.: being short can be pretty frustrating, especially when your boyfriend(s) start teasing you about it
ft.: dazai, chuuya and nikolai x reader (seperately)
cw.: sfw, established relationship, crack, fluff, mentioning of fyodor in nikolai’s part, sort of suggestive themes, drabble
wc.: 2.5k
۶ৎ note.: trying to work through my requests while some of them are ACTUALLY over six months old (i am literally so fucking sorry. i swear time flew by and i was having so many issues last year, but i’m trying to get back on track :')) anyway, if you’re still out there anon, i sincerely apologize for taking so long! anyway, as a short person myself, this was very fun to write!! <3
dazai.:
honestly, you never minded being short much. sure, sometimes people could be annoying, treating you like a literal child or using your head as an armrest.
some might have even petted you or pinched your cheeks because you just looked “so cute and tiny!”. it almost felt condescending, but the worst part was that you could never really say anything, because every response would have sounded like you secretly sought the attention, even though you can’t do anything about your height.
but those incidents weren’t so common for you specifically. perhaps it’s because you simply weren’t pretty enough when you were younger and because you would have guessed that people your age would be more mature about your height nowadays.
oh, how wrong you were.
dazai is the epitome of annoyance and playful ridicule, and, unfortunately for you, you are his perfect victim.
he is constantly teasing you about your height while purposely doing all the things that annoy you about being so short; using you as an armrest, pinching your cheeks, ruffling your hair, and just not taking you seriously at all.
to some, it’s probably a mystery how you could have fallen in love with someone whose life mission seems to be provoking you until the veins on your forehead burst.
seriously, you have no idea yourself why or how you two got together. maybe it’s the fact that, despite being an annoying little prick, he still respects your boundaries and is there for you during the hardships you have to face.
you two also never made it official, but you suppose the agency just assumes you two have been going out for a while now since you’re both constantly clinging to each other.
you have just stepped outside the shower, your hair still dripping wet as you search your closet for something comfortable. dazai is laying comfortably on top of the covers of your bed, reading one of your books you had discarded on your nightstand.
he doesn’t bother to look up at you despite being tempted to and you not minding, the book he is reading strangely enough starting to really get interesting.
you find nothing comfortable to wear in your closet, or rather momentarily remember that the specific pajama set you’re looking for is in the laundry that you still need to attend to. but, that’s a problem for another day.
somewhat frustrated and unsure what to do, you look over at dazai, who seems to be engrossed in his book. however, seeing him with just his slacks and dress shirt on gives you an idea.
you walk to dazai’s part of the closet, a small section you cleared specifically for him to leave some clothes in case he stays over, and put on one of his shirts (and some underwear too).
when you look at yourself in the mirror, admiring the shirt and secretly catching a whiff of his scent still lingering on it, dazai finally looks up as well since he hears the familiar rustle of fabric.
he chuckles shortly after, which catches your attention, and you turn around, resting your fists on your hips. the excess fabric of the sleeves dangles from your sides.
“what are you laughing at?” you say, already having a small hunch.
“while i appreciate the fact you seem to love my choice of clothing, i fear my shirt is not something you can grow into so easily, love,” he says with a teasing undertone, putting the book aside.
“oh well, i wasn’t planning on growing into it. at least i can wear your clothes, unlike a certain someone over there,” you answer somewhat snarkily, a faint smirk tugging at the corners of your lips.
you walk over to your bed and practically jump onto dazai, straddling him as your legs rest on either side of his thighs.
“hey now, that’s mean! are you suggesting that i’m fat?” dazai says playfully, a little out of breath from when you jumped onto him.
“if anything you’re not fat enough, ‘samu,” you mumble, gently squeezing his side before one of your hands wanders higher, grazing over his ribs. “did you even eat anything today?” you ask, slightly concerned.
dazai nods as he takes your hands in his, seeming almost earnest.
“of course i did,” dazai reassures you before pulling you down for a tender kiss. “you should wear my clothes more often. they suit you, you know.”
you laugh at that before snuggling up against him, resting your head against his shoulder as his comforting scent wraps itself around you.
“what were you reading? can you read it out loud for me?” you ask, your voice a low murmur.
dazai lets out another chuckle, kissing the top of your head before grabbing the book once again.
“as you wish, my darling,” he says before beginning to read the novel out loud for you.
chuuya.:
you would have guessed that since chuuya wasn’t exactly the tallest either, he’d have some sort of stool or step ladder lying around just in case he needed something from the top shelves in his apartment.
however, being able to manipulate gravity, chuuya doesn’t really need anything of the sort to get to the top shelves.
and if you weren’t so respectful toward his intricate interior, you would have just grabbed one of the dining chairs to reach what you needed or climbed on top of the counter.
but really, considering almost everything is handmade from some special designer or vintage collection, you don’t even dare to do it just in case you make something dirty or accidentally break something.
“hey, sweet stuff, what’s taking you so long– oh.” chuuya stops dead in his tracks, watching you as you futilely try to reach the wine glasses stored in one of the upper shelves.
for some reason, he can’t hold back his laughter. chuuya never had a problem reaching stuff that was higher up ever since he gained control over his gravity manipulation, so seeing someone actually struggle for once makes him chuckle out loud.
that was a grand mistake on his part, though, since you obviously don’t find this very funny, considering you always got made fun of for your height and constantly seemed to struggle to get things that were higher up.
after all, your ability isn’t as versatile as his but rather utilized to kill people. that landed you a job in the port mafia in the first place, where you met chuuya, your now boyfriend.
you two actually wanted to celebrate a very successful mission and indulge in some expensive wine, but it turns out to be rather difficult considering you can’t reach the wine glasses.
it frustrates you just as much as his laugh does, because where in hell does he get the audacity to mock you for being short when he spent half his life ready to throw hands over being tiny himself?
“don’t you dare laugh at me when you’re barely a head taller than me,” you say in a warning tone, frustratingly crossing your arms over your chest.
“barely? doll face, i don’t mean to burst yer bubble, but i am exactly a head taller than you,” chuuya says, which might have been another mistake on his behalf because this only gets you fuming more.
and while you’re trying so hard to look intimidating, chuuya just laughs harder because you look so unbelievably cute to him, even if you probably just wanna throw your hands at him.
you stride over to him at some point and grab his chin, pulling him down so he’s at eye level with you.
“you’re out here bragging about your height, but i bet if you couldn’t use your ability, you’d be just as frustrated as i am right now. maybe even more, considering you’re such a hot head,” you say, letting go of his chin somewhat roughly.
weirdly enough, that only makes him smirk harder. god, chuuya loves it when you get rough with him. if you weren’t actually mad at him right now, he’d probably be turned on by it.
“i mean, you could just climb on the counter?” he says, and you open your mouth to say something before deciding to just let it go and sigh deeply.
“right… how about you just get the wine glasses?” you say as you look up at him.
chuuya doesn’t move, but instead pulls you closer by your waist, his thumbs rubbing soothing circles against your skin as he lifts up your shirt just a little.
“why don’t we drink from the bottle instead?” he suggests calmly, the idea making you laugh a little.
“i don’t think i’ve ever seen you drink wine fresh out of the bottle, especially not an expensive kind like that,” you say, wrapping your arms around his neck.
“well, there’s a first for everything, right?” he replies, stealing a quick kiss. “mind telling me what the fuss was about earlier? i get it’s frustrating not being able to reach something, but… you seemed more irritated by something else.”
you let out another sigh as you hide your face in the crook of his neck, feeling just a bit exposed. while chuuya appears more like someone who goes through walls headfirst, he’s actually quite observant and attentive.
it’s a blessing and a curse, to be quite honest.
“it’s just frustrating when you laugh at me, especially since you probably got teased for being short too, you know. i feel like you should have understood my pain instead of mocking me for it,” you explain, pulling away to look at him.
“i’m sorry, sweet cheeks. i wasn’t exactly laughing at your struggle, just at how cute you looked,” chuuya says, moving one of his hands to rest against your cheek comfortingly.
“that doesn’t really make it any better, chuu…” you say, leaning into his touch somewhat disappointedly.
“well, maybe my kisses will,” he says before attacking your face with brief presses of his lips against your skin and carrying you toward the bedroom. maybe instead of indulging in that wine, you two will spend the evening differently.
nikolai.:
one of nikolai’s hands rests against your waist, while the other is intertwined with yours as he spins you around the park.
the fresh night breeze brushes against your exposed skin, and the moon shines beautifully upon you two.
it makes his silver hair stand out perfectly, and the blue of one of his eyes reflects the stars that seem to dance as they sparkle in the night sky as well.
really, it’s rare you get to have a moment like this with nikolai, where he’s simply being his careless and free self, unafraid of the connection you two share.
“you’re keeping up pretty good, my darling. don’t tell me you secretly practiced?” nikolai says in his delighted tone, obviously just teasing you.
you chuckle at that, occasionally glancing down at your feet to make sure the next steps are correct. truthfully, you have been secretly practicing.
with him being gone so often due to fyodor’s demanding schedule and meetings, you have way too much free time.
fyodor is very particular in who he lets join the decay of angels, and seeing that you are just as unpredictable, but not so easily manipulated into devotion like nikolai, he sees no use for you.
in fact, he probably sees a threat in you, hence why you didn’t earn the right to join the decay of angels. your mere presence is off-putting, and he fears you would endanger his plan by not acting accordingly, which would result in his overall goal failing.
and despite putting on your best mask, you couldn’t fool him, which means you don’t get to see nikolai so often.
“well, let’s just say i’ve got a lot of time to kill when you’re away, complying to your master’s every whim,” you say, earning a not-so-friendly expression from him.
“fedya is not my master, and i’m no servant. we’re… partners, sort of,” nikolai gently corrects before dipping you, catching you off guard and causing you to momentarily lose your footing.
nikolai has half the mind to let you drop to the ground simply for that irritating comment.
after all, nikolai’s devotion toward fyodor is purely a chemical reaction in his brain, which he will sever once the right moment has come, proving he has ultimate free will over himself and that he can live without him.
it stems from a deep emotional and intellectual understanding, something rare he also shares with you. that being said, he is unsure if he wants to sever your connection, but it might be a necessity in the end.
then again, your connection is a problem for the future. right now, he just wants to indulge in you.
nikolai smiles eerily down at you before he pulls you back up. “just kidding,” he says, speaking his thoughts out loud, which earns him a confused expression from you. you don’t ask about it, though.
nikolai keeps holding you, especially focusing on the size of your hand against his. “your hands are so small, just like you. they fit right inside my palm. see?” he speaks, suddenly grabbing both of your hands and squeezing them gently.
he’s right, they are completely engulfed by his own. you glance down at your intertwined hands, smiling softly.
“is that a good or a bad thing?” you ask, looking back up at him with a sense of affection in your eyes.
nikolai just chuckles, finding your question amusing. “isn’t that the same thing, my dove?” he says, seemingly not believing in either good or bad, as long as it happens willingly.
“we should dance more often like this, especially at night. you look terrifyingly beautiful when the moon hits your face just right,” you murmur as you bring one of your hands to his cheek, angling his face a little.
the rays of the moon now shine directly onto his eyes, and you gently remove the card covering his other eye, admiring his face. he looks prettier without it, that’s for sure. or maybe you just have a peculiar taste.
“if you decide to cut me off, whenever that will be, do it while we’re dancing under the moonlight, alright?” you say, almost making him promise it.
you’re not dumb; you know this whole thing won’t last forever, especially given both of your destructive and chaotic personalities. this connection was doomed from the start, but it sure is beautiful for however long it may last.
“oh my love, of course! if that is what you wish, who am i to deny you your very last request directed to me? i’ll make sure it will be a great ending to our twisted performance,” nikolai says, pressing a quick but feral kiss against your lips.
he is overwhelmed with joy all of a sudden at the thought of how to kill this love. he tries to keep his cool, though. this is not an appropriate time to be thinking about that, especially when you are both still at the beginning of the chapter.
“hopefully you don’t grow an inch by then, so my hands still perfectly wrap around yours. oh, how lovely that would be,” he hums in satisfaction before continuing to spin you around.
you just smile at that, glad that he is finding bliss in all of this and that your own torment will soon have an end.
note.: ya all please gimme your thoughts on my nikolai characterization. this is (i think) the first time i’ve written for him and i need validation omg. don’t be shy and COMMENT
i just came back to tumblr and remembered you !! Hope you’re doing well and also taking care of yourself (・w・;)
i used to binge your fics during my school breaks and i just thought it’d be great to do it again now that my university is letting me rest !! Love your works, excited when you post another (ʃƪ＾3＾）
oh my that's so sweet !! i could genuinely kiss you for that
i’m glad you got some time off to read my fics HOWEVER it’s been pretty dry here (･ัω･ั) hope u could still find something new, idk for how long u’ve been gone <3
hey! so, uh, remember that one kunikida fic you wrote? it's driving me crazy. thanks for fueling my hyperfixation. you're insane for writing him so good, I love it.
- 🐁
lowkey the only proper kunikida fanfiction i remember is the smut one for my kinktober lmao
but i’m glad you like it! i actually don’t know many people who like kunikida as much sooo YA ALL ARE RARE BUT SO LOVELY ALL OF THE TIME (◍•ᴗ•◍) ♡
synopsis.: chuuya doesn’t understand why you turn to self-harm every time you feel like you’re at your lowest, but he’ll do anything to make sure you’re okay afterward
pairing.: chuuya nakahara x gn!reader
cw.: sfw, established relationship, heavy trigger warning !! ⇢ explicit self-harm, kinda angsty, hurt / comfort, fluff at the end, mentioning of dazai osamu, sort of suggestive themes
wc.: 1.9k
۶ৎ note.: YAYAYA happy belated birthday to my love!! i actually wanted to post this on his birthday exactly, but i only now found the time to correct everything (had a busy week) so yeah :(( BUT AT LEAST IT’S ONLY THREE DAYS LATE GUYS AND NOT A MONTH (be proud of me please) anyway, hope you enjoy!!
he wasn’t supposed to see this. he wasn’t supposed to find you like this—so utterly broken and messed up.
but then again, it’s chuuya. it’s his apartment. and it’s definitely not his fault that you didn’t check your messages. no, this is your own fault for turning off your phone.
so how could you have known? that he’d be back from the mission early? that he’d stay extra quiet to not disturb you just in case you were sleeping on his side of the bed as usual when he’d be late?
you could have. if you had just looked at your damn phone. then he wouldn’t have had to find you like this—sitting on the ground, leaning against the frame of the bed, totally out of it and fucking miserable.
your body is trembling, fresh blood stains the ends of your sleeves as it trickles down your wrists, drenching the white fabric into a deep crimson color.
he’s at your side before your mind can even register him entering the room, kneeling down in front of you. his eyes are practically flooded with concern and a tinge of frustration.
he knows about your struggles, sort of. even though you never explicitly told him anything, he isn’t blind.
“you idiot… what did you do?” chuuya whispers softly as he presses a tender kiss to your forehead.
you briefly close your eyes at the contact of his lips against your feverish skin, mumbling something inaudibly. perhaps an apology or just his name—he isn’t quite sure.
the blood loss isn’t severe. he’s seen worse, way worse. yet, you still look like you’re about to faint. it’s probably the adrenaline wearing off, leaving your body in a state of pure exhaustion.
chuuya gently picks you up, being careful not to accidentally brush against any of the deep cuts on your wrists. you whimper anyway.
your body relaxes ever so slightly in his arms, the familiar grip and scent soothing you, just a bit. he carries you toward the bathroom, gingerly helping you settle on the edge of the bathtub.
he makes sure you’re steady, holding you for just a while longer, giving you another kiss on the top of your head. you lean against him, burying your face in his side to shield your eyes from the stinging brightness.
chuuya lets go of you eventually, though, as the pungent smell of copper invades his nose. he grabs a first aid kit and a fresh cloth, which he wets at the sink before returning to you.
he kneels down in front of you again, gently taking your hands in his and squeezing them reassuringly. you can’t bear to look him in the eyes, feeling ashamed as you almost withdraw your hands.
chuuya doesn’t let go, though. instead, he only holds your hands tighter, frowning at the fact that you don’t feel comfortable letting him take care of you. then again, he can’t blame you. he doesn’t burden you with his worries either.
he turns your arms over, revealing your soft skin marred with deep cuts and slashes. they look like you used one of his blades he keeps lying around for safety purposes.
you lower your head, turning more inward as guilt washes over you. “i’m sorry…” you whisper, your voice rough as you swallow thickly.
chuuya doesn’t respond. instead, he takes the wet cloth and dabs at the edges of the cuts you made. you flinch as the rough material grazes your wounds.
he has half a mind to keep everything sharp locked away in the future, and half a mind to never leave your side again. however, he knows both of these options would never work out and would probably make you feel even more uncomfortable around him.
maybe even less like a human but more like an object he wants to protect—and that’s something chuuya would never want to make someone feel, especially not you. for all that, he knows what it’s like to not feel human. to constantly question your own thoughts and feelings, to deal with a sick mind.
he doesn’t understand your pain, not truly anyway. but he relates to it on a level only he can. he just can’t relate to your utterly stupid and awful coping mechanisms. this simply isn’t his cup of tea, and it unfortunately reminds him of another troubled soul.
sometimes he wonders if he’s enough for you. enough for you to cling to your life and keep holding on. in the end, he wasn’t enough for dazai, who keeps craving something more fulfilling and meaningful to his life, even though there probably never will be anything that fills his void.
and chuuya is just so fucking scared that you need that too. that he can’t fill the void you’re so desperately trying to fill.
you glance at chuuya, his quiet and thoughtful demeanor sending another wave of panic through you. is he thinking of leaving you? of never wanting to see or speak to you again?
you know you’re disgusting. you know you can be a lot, especially in these moments. you know you’re difficult to handle. and while chuuya has never in his life expressed even an amount of distaste towards you, you wouldn’t be surprised if he just pretended all along. and you wouldn’t blame him either.
chuuya notices your underlying panic. he can practically feel it from how tense and nervous you look, and he hates that he’s probably the one making you feel like this.
“hold still,” he mumbles, still dabbing away at your cuts. once he decides they look clean enough and all the dried scraps of blood are gone, he applies a thin layer of petroleum jelly around your cuts to keep the area moist.
his movements are tender against your irritated skin, but despite how gentle he is, you still feel a burning sensation whenever he gets too close to a cut.
applying the ointment is sort of tedious and takes chuuya some time. enough time for you to stare at his face and imagine the most gruesome breakup you can think of.
you don’t even realize that he’s already laying out gauze on your wounds and securing it by wrapping bandages somewhat tightly around your wrists.
eventually, chuuya looks up at you with a serious expression before standing up fully again. he stands between your legs and strokes your hair affectionately, pulling you closer against him.
you briefly close your eyes, enjoying the warmth his body radiates. “come on, let’s get you to bed,” chuuya says, picking you up in his arms again. you let him without protest.
he makes sure not to step on any of the medical treatments he left out in the open. he’ll take care of it tomorrow, as well as the bloodstain you left behind on the carpet in his bedroom.
he carefully sets you on top of the bed, your shirt riding up just a little. you don’t mind, though. chuuya looks down at you, his gaze lingering on your bloody sleeves. he walks to the closet and grabs one of his own shirts.
“arms up,” he demands, and you follow through with his request. he takes off your shirt, looking you over just in case you hurt yourself anywhere else. when he doesn’t find any more cuts, he dresses you in his shirt, wiping away your dried tears with the end of his own sleeves.
you simply gaze at him with half-lidded eyes, pulling him closer by his waist. your thumbs begin to trace circles through his clothes, and chuuya regards you with a small chuckle. “what are you doing?”
“nothing,” you answer after a long moment of silence, your hands moving down and along his belt. you tug at it hesitantly, almost testing the waters.
you’re aware this isn’t exactly the best moment to ask for intimacy, especially this kind of intimacy. after all, you definitely don’t look or feel your best right now.
but all of this can be pushed aside. you just want—no, need—this kind of reassurance from him. you need to know he isn’t disgusted by you or mortified by your self-destructiveness.
chuuya’s smile drops as soon as he realizes what you’re asking him for, and he gently takes your hands in his, stopping you from going any further. “we’re not doing this. not tonight,” he says calmly but firmly, pressing a tender kiss to your forehead.
your breath hitches at that, and you look away, feeling just a bit humiliated and pensive at his polite rejection. “is it because… you don’t find me attractive anymore?” you ask quietly, a sense of insecurity washing over you.
you bring your arms closer to your stomach, trying to hide them. you suddenly grow more aware of your surroundings, of what you did, and how much pain you must have inflicted on him.
of course he’s not going to want to sleep with you after that. god, how can you be so foolish? “sorry, that was a stupid question,” you mutter, your voice even quieter than before.
chuuya sits down beside you at that, looking at you with a heavy heart, unsure of what to do. he knows words are useless here and not his strong suit anyway, so he does what makes the most sense to him.
reluctantly, he leans in, stopping just a moment away from your face to think this through again. “fuck it…” he murmurs, exhaling shakily before tilting your head to face him. he rests his hand against your cheek, his thumb grazing the thin skin under your eye as he gently presses his lips against yours.
you’re startled for a moment but instantly return the kiss, practically melting into him. eventually, he brushes your hair out of the way with the hand that’s resting on your face and drags his lips lower.
he begins to plant light kisses along your sensitive skin, his other hand slowly slipping beneath your shirt. it’s warm against your skin, but doesn’t move any further.
“nothing you’d do could ever make me not want you, sweetheart,” chuuya whispers against your throat before moving to press his forehead against yours, your breaths mingling. if he could, he would take you right then and there. but he knows that would be unfair and wrong on so many levels.
“but you don’t want this, at least not right now,” he says reassuringly as he pulls away. “besides, you’re too tired anyway. you’d fall asleep before we even get to the good part.” he laughs softly, the thought of you falling asleep during sex amusing him. it wouldn’t be the first time.
a small smile graces your lips as well, and you bury your head in the crook of his neck. you wrap your arms around him, and he does the same, tracing soothing circles against your back.
“tell you what, if you still feel like this first thing in the morning after a good night full of sleep, i’ll gladly scratch that itch,” he mumbles, making your cheeks heat up.
you just nod and hum in response, your lips grazing his neck ever so slightly. it tickles him just a little. “i love you, chuuya,” you say, your voice laced with deep affection and adoration.
“i love you, too,” chuuya says faintly, tightening his grip around you, and you know he won’t let you go for the rest of the night.
note.: i am actually trying to slowly get back into my writing and i feel like it’s working! might even get into a writer’s rut hihi but yeah- question, how are we guys feeling about some criminal minds content??? maybe in the future
hi hi maddie 😼 how have you been?! i just checked your account since a while, and saw ur most recent dazai fic and i realised i got one really similar to it 😭
mwah mwah
ohh really?? wanna share the link bestie? 🤭 i’m definitely curious to read it now
i’m fine btw, thanks for asking, love !! i hope you’re great too <3
MISSING YOU hope u had a good Easter AND IF U DONT CELEBRATE IT ummm HOPW U HAD A GOOD APRIL 4TH
But fr miss you and hope you’re ok!!!!
thank you !! we did celebrate easter haha :) it was pretty good, better than most holidays <3 hope you had a great easter as well if you celebrate it ( ◜‿◝ )♡
i’ll be back soon, writing some dazai smut at the moment that i might finish after university today :)
synopsis.: being the only one who truly understands dazai practically guarantees he’s doomed to love you and vice versa ♡ og req here
pairing.: dazai osamu x gn!reader
cw.: sfw, no established relationship, fluff, confession, perhaps a more feminine reader but overall it’s gender neutral, kinda bittersweet, very introspective, reader is extremely similar to dazai
wc.: 2.1k
۶ৎ note.: i strongly urge you to go read the original request to understand what this fanfiction is about, but of course you don’t have to! i think it’s quite clear even without reading it, but just in case you want some extra clarity (see what i did there? i am so funny, i know) also, i am actually quite proud of how this turned out :) i hope you guys like it
you are used to it by now. his constant flirting, i mean. perhaps a little too used to it.
you remember the day dazai first approached you. mindlessly complimenting you. it was right after his entrance exam, when he first started working with the agency.
for some reason, you stood out to him then—and still do. of course, you were skeptical at first, like everyone else. after all, a man wrapped in bandages who seemed to have never existed before the age of twenty is… unusual, to say the least.
yet you never questioned his motives. never made him feel any less worthy, despite knowing nothing of his past. dazai appreciated that, but at the time, he couldn’t decide if you were simply naive for trusting him so easily or if you had figured him out from the start.
even today, he still has no clue how someone could ever understand him.
but you somehow do. and that unsettles him. so much that he actually has to pause when he talks to you sometimes, to keep him from spilling every dark secret or morbid thought that consumes his filthy mind.
and while he knows his charm has zero effect on you, it’s easier for him to talk to you like that—focusing on making you blush instead of giving you even the smallest chance to read him. even if he can’t help but rely on your understanding every so often. though he would never admit that.
dazai leans against your desk this afternoon with deliberate casualness, his sleeves pushed back as usual and allowing you to gaze at the bandages peeking from underneath.
sunlight filters through the tall windows of the agency, small flakes of dust visible, floating above the paperwork and half-finished reports.
you are reviewing and correcting a file, your posture relaxed but attentive, brows faintly drawn in concentration.
“you know,” he muses after a moment, voice light with idle curiosity, “most people become flustered when they realize someone is flirting with them.”
your pen keeps moving across the page, the sound deliberately drowning him out, as if he hadn’t spoken at all.
“it’s quite impressive, actually,” he adds, watching you rather than the report in your hands and letting the words hang in the air, “that you can ignore it so calmly.”
you still do not look up, but for half a second, your pen wavers. just a fraction. then it continues again, steadier than before.
“i’m simply choosing not to encourage bad habits,” you reply evenly.
dazai smiles. of course you would say something like that.
most people react to his flirting predictably. they laugh, grow flustered, sometimes encourage it without realizing they are doing so. it is easy to navigate those reactions, easy to steer them wherever he pleases.
but you simply… decline the premise. he rarely gets rejected, although he isn’t sure if you’re really rejecting him. your words and actions are just as mystifying as his own.
truthfully, it would be easier if you just mocked him outright. at least then he would nervously laugh it off and retreat behind the usual dramatic theatrics.
instead, you treat his advances like a puzzle you have already solved—interesting once, but hardly worth solving again.
you’re making it hard for him to know if you actually despise him, even though from another perspective it might look like you do.
but simple-minded people don’t know you like he does. they don’t realize how much thought you put into each word that leaves your mouth.
so he keeps trying anyway, not sure what he’s hoping for.
“bad habits? so you see my affection for you as a nuisance rather than something that could blossom into something beautiful?” dazai says, speaking in riddles and allegories once again. “where has your sense of romance gone?”
you turn another page in your report. “if it were genuine affection,” you say calmly, “you wouldn’t hide it behind a joke.”
the answer lands more precisely than you likely intended, and for a brief moment, dazai’s smile thins.
ah.
so that’s how it is.
you aren’t oblivious to his advances, and you certainly aren’t immune to them. you’re ignoring them on purpose. you’re waiting. waiting for something that dazai knows he struggles with the most: being honest about his feelings.
the realization settles somewhere beneath his ribs with a heavy weight.
of course you would want something direct. you of all people would never accept half-truths wrapped in humor or laced with innuendo. unfortunately, that was exactly the kind of thing dazai osamu specializes in.
his gaze lingers on you for a moment longer before he pushes himself away from the desk with an easy stretch.
“ah well,” he says lightly, hands slipping back into his pockets. “perhaps i’ll improve my habits someday.”
you hum in vague acknowledgment, already absorbed in your work again. however, you can’t help but follow him with your gaze once he starts walking away from you. the distance feels wrong and a pang of guilt washes over you.
later, the office hums with its usual rhythm, paperwork being shuffled around, kunikida lecturing a familiar brunette, and ranpo’s candy wrappers flying around.
the floorboards creak as someone moves between the desks, and atsushi suddenly appears beside you, holding a report that he very clearly needs help with.
from near the window, where kunikida is currently pulling on dazai’s collar and berating him over something trivial once again, he can see it clearly—the soft look in your eyes at atsushi’s clumsiness and his nervous yet stupidly gentle demeanor.
he isn’t sure why you always carry this look whenever you interact with atsushi. it’s tender, warm, filled with an almost endless patience. he wonders what it would take for you to look at him like this, just once. the thought lingers longer than he’d like it to.
but then again, how could you? dazai is nothing like atsushi. he doesn't possess that same gentleness, and he certainly has no desire to pretend he does. after all, what use would your love be if it’s directed at a persona he copies instead of his true self?
what even is his true self? that’s something not even dazai himself can answer properly and neither can you. not really, at least. he fears nobody can.
from time to time he wonders if you can see through his carefully crafted façade and decode the thoughts he tries so hard to hide. he has a hunch you can, though only sometimes.
those rare moments are the closest anyone has ever come to understanding him. so he can’t help but want to keep you close, desperately hoping you might help him understand himself a little better.
and perhaps that’s absolutely, disgustingly selfish of him. and perhaps it’s not true love. he’s not sure he’s ever felt true love before, for god’s sake. but from what he knows, you seem to be giving him a feeling uncannily close to it.
so he doesn’t care if he’s selfish for craving your existence every second of the day.
once atsushi returns to his desk, you focus on your own work again. you can practically feel dazai’s gaze lingering on you.
and while you know he definitely has a soft spot for you, you don’t want to risk getting vulnerable with him, not when you don’t know how deep it truly goes.
however, it is quite amusing knowing he feels just a tiny surge of jealousy.
you know dazai isn’t jealous in the sharp, possessive sense that would cause him to intervene, but you hope it at least makes him think about his feelings for you.
because at the end of the day, you’re ready and only waiting for him to be ready too.
the night shift drapes the agency in a different atmosphere altogether. the city outside is reduced to distant traffic and a muted glow, the windows reflecting more interior than exterior now. the overhead lights are dimmed, casting the office in a warm shade of amber.
you look over only to see dazai lying on the couch, a book open in his hands. he hasn’t turned the page in several minutes. you two are the only ones left in the office.
“you’re being awfully quiet,” you say, stopping just a few steps in front of him.
eventually dazai lowers the book covering his face, but he doesn't look up immediately. “why, do you miss being blessed by my oh so delightful voice?” he muses, sitting up straight.
seeing that his poor attempt at a joke doesn’t get a reaction out of you, he exhales faintly, the breath almost sounding like a laugh. he pats the spot next to him, gesturing for you to sit down beside him.
the cushioning of the couch dips slightly once you sit down, and for a moment neither of you speak. the air feels heavier all of a sudden, the urge to fill the silence growing stronger with each second that passes.
you turn your upper body toward him, only to catch him looking at you already. the way he studies you so carefully steals your breath away, and for just a split second dazai earns the privilege of witnessing your soft gaze.
though it disappears quickly, as if you’re reserving that look for someone else. someone that’s not quite him.
“you know, they say the eyes are the window to the soul,” dazai begins, a fragile smile adorning his lips as he brushes a strand of your hair behind your ear.
“your soul is the prettiest i’ve ever seen. but i wonder—what do i have to do, so that i can always admire it instead of you only allowing me glimpses of it?” he murmurs, his voice thick with emotion.
you lean into his touch without meaning to, furrowing your brows in frustration at his words. they are confusing, a tangled mess hard to decipher. it’s irritating you.
but before you can say anything else, dazai lets out a knowing chuckle. he knows what you want; he just loves teasing you too much to give it to you so easily.
“what i mean to say is… i love you, bella,” dazai says, his words simple and unadorned. “i love you.” a truth spoken out loud and directly for the first time ever since you've known each other.
you stare at him, searching his gaze for anything—anything that could stir a hint of uncertainty within you, but there is no mischief, no doubt. only something frighteningly sincere.
your heart begins to flutter and you exhale shakily, releasing a breath you didn’t even realize you were holding. the tension in your muscles slowly fades, and your whole body suddenly feels light.
relief settles over you as you give him a warm smile. “i love you too, dazai,” you say, covering his hand that has moved to cup your cheek with your own.
“i almost thought you’d never say it,” you add in a lighthearted tone, letting out a small laugh. but dazai doesn’t laugh along with you. instead he remains silent, his smile faltering just a little.
“i thought i didn’t deserve you or your love. i still think i don’t deserve any of it. especially not when there are people who can offer you something far less complicated,” he says, his voice low but steady.
your brows draw together and you gently take his hand in yours, squeezing it reassuringly. “who says i want less complicated?” you say, pausing briefly.
it’s true, dazai is a complicated person and you’re certain this isn’t going to be easy with him. but then again, you’re complicated, too. you’ve made terrible mistakes, too. you’re tainted for life, too. yet dazai still finds beauty within your tarnished being.
“no one’s perfect, dazai. myself included. if i were, my heart probably wouldn’t ache for you,” you whisper softly, leaning in to wrap your arms around him and draw him in for a hug.
“i love you. no matter how much you think you don’t deserve any of this, i think you do and nothing is going to change that. so let’s just… cherish whatever this is between us.” your lips occasionally graze the tender skin of his neck as you bury your face in it, simply relishing in his embrace.
you hear dazai swallow thickly, and he reluctantly returns the hug, resting his chin atop your head. your comforting warmth seeps through his clothes and the bandages that cling to his skin. it calms his racing mind, especially paired with your soothing scent.
“of course, you’re right,” dazai whispers, wondering how long this relationship will last. he hopes it lasts forever, until both of your grounding heartbeats grow eerily still. but that’s probably just wishful thinking. maybe. who knows?
note.: PLEASE TELL ME IF YOU CHANGE YOUR USERNAME, I WAS HELLA CONFUSED omg (｡ŏ﹏ŏ)
Hey can you write headcannons or basically fanfic style, whatever you choose
like I am asking for Dazai who is in love with fem s/o, and they both are friends like bestfriends, both of them haven't confessed yet, and she is the type to like NEVER Confess first and like very oblivious to any type of indirect confession, she would like a direct confession like 'I love you" from Dazai, to see him reach out for her once, and also same reason she also Friendzones Dazai when he tries any indirect confession and she stays oblivious, also she is very clever and charming herself so she's got many suitors who would want her, she basically thinks Dazai won't confess or maybe not love her at that deep level so she thinks it's better that they stay friends and she keeps helping him and being with him, But her thoughts will change if Dazai confesses directly, it would also surprise her and she might not even believe him at first
she is the only one currently who understands Dazai and reads him like a book (ADA Dazai) and wants the best for him without any upper means, but she is also distant with her own emotional baggage and stays nonchalant, and oblivious in a annoying way, Also keep in mind that this person is extremely high IQ just as much as Dazai
Sooo I am asking how would ADA Dazai do in this situation? or direct confession be like? how would he react to Friendzone because I think that's something Dazai has never experienced before? or reacting to seeing her with other suitors who are ready to confess and steal her?
sooo, since this request is a bit long and i’m afraid people are gonna skip by when they see this, i just leave a LINK to your request!! you just have to click on it to find it! :) i hope it’s somewhat to what you imagined. i actually struggled just a little ૮ ․ ․ ྀིა thank you for the detailed request though!!
hii! i saw that you haven’t posted anything in a while so i was wondering how you’re doing, i hope everything’s going well for you :) lots of love from me to you, xoxo 🫶
oohhh, thank you love!! no need to worry though :) i’m just going through the motions but i will post something in a bit haha
