rum raisin is the superior ice cream

Kit | 27 | he/him

[h0lyhandgrenade]

Just two nerds lol. Collecting antique swords isn’t a Stardew Valley thing btw, it’s a Caleb thing.

I can’t even remember if Harvey actually does have like, a self esteem problem canonically or anything, but he seems to me like the kinda guy who would do. 

If you feel like this relationship was almost outta nowhere btw, you’re right! Shit be like that.

[lost-kinn]

the storyline of Hollow Knight that remains permanently engraved on the underside of my brain matter: All pursuits of building corporate empires means nothing and will eventually fade to ash and dust in the end. The only meaning left to us is connection with other people and the pursuit of happiness that fulfills you as an individual.

me: you’re absolutely right *hits “order now” on pizza delivery at 2am*

[dozydawn]

[two-goblins-in-a-trench-coat]

a CRITTER? Carrying a BERRY?? Across a BRAMBLE VINE?????

[molabuddy]

3 hours of sleep = i hate people who laugh

0 ours of sleep = waouw 🌼🌼🌼🌼🐎

[joyflameball]

Anyway dni if you still support Cain, he hit his brother over the head with a fucking rock and it killed him instantly (source). I truly do not know how he still has fans. It astounds me how people can call themselves good people and still be completely fine platforming blatantly Abelist assholes like him. Smh

[quasi-normalcy]

It's incredible how all if the censorship on the modern internet doesn't actually seem to be making society kinder or more wholesome hmm maybe there's a lesson in this

[quasi-normalcy]

#And Yet No Children Were Protected

[annabelle--cane]

I think a lot of people spent their childhoods being very deliberately forced out of their comfort zones by parents / teachers / whomever in a way that was just deeply unpleasant and degrading and so, when they reach young adulthood and are finally allowed real control over their lives, become set on only doing things they know they're comfortable with forever. that's a really important thing to be able to do, especially if you're so used to having your boundaries routinely ignored that you aren't even certain what you like vs what you can bear, so I absolutely see why a person would have a negative reaction to being told that discomfort is good: it can very easily sound like being told that all that work they've been doing to prioritze their needs for the first time ever is Bad and Selfish, actually. and to that I will say two things:

one: as long as you aren't hurting or, like, being a dick to anyone, just staying in your comfort zone isn't an immoral action. if you just want to read one type of book (or just fanfiction), or just eat one type of food, or just watch one type of movie, or not go to new types of social events, you aren't being a bad person for that, and if people say that, they are soundly wrong and just trying to get a self-righteousness kick.

two: trying new things because you want to expand yourself feels a hell of a lot different than trying new things because you're being forced to. you'll feel better about trying new foods if you know you have a back up familiar one in case you can't stomach the new one, it's easier to read new books if you can experiment with audio versions or reading it in little five-page chunks by yourself, you can breathe a lot easier going somewhere new if you aren't chained there for three hours because your parent is your ride home, etc.

tl;dr: new things are good. I get why you might not want to try new things, and that's fine, but it's also more comfortable to try new things as an adult with your own agency so, yeah, what have you got to lose by trying a weird old art film?

[chaoticneutralnpc]

one thing I’ll add: the secret hack for learning to do new things when you weren’t allowed to have boundaries as a kid is 1) always give yourself an out, and 2) practice using them LIBERALLY.

Trying a new food? You can stop at a single bite. Bored at the cinema? You can walk out mid-movie. Really want to go to a friend’s party but you’re also exhausted? You can plan on just going for 30 minutes, and you can leave even sooner if that ends up being too long.

The more you practice using outs liberally, the more you reinforce to your body that you are capable of protecting yourself.

I only started being able to go to weekly activites consistently once I started giving myself an out at every step. i.e:

- I’ve gotten ready and then not left the house

- I’ve driven there and then driven straight back

- I’ve left halfway through lessons

- I’ve modified or plain skipped the exercises that were flaring my POTS, or making me feel dysphoric, or that I just didn’t feel like doing that day.

The result? I’ve attended the most sessions out of any weekly hobby I’ve tried to do for the past several years. And it’s actually getting a little easier every week.

[asneakyfox]

the idea that restrooms, locker rooms, etc need to be single-sex spaces in order for women to be safe is patriarchy's way of signalling to men & boys that society doesn't expect them to behave themselves around women. it is directly antifeminist. it would be antifeminist even if trans people did not exist. a feminist society would demand that women should be safe in all spaces even when there are men there.

[asneakyfox]

btw this is maybe the single most key distinguishing feature of the terfy strains of radical feminism, the seed all the rest of it springs out of: they have absolutely no faith in the ability of feminism to actually destroy patriarchy. they do not think feminism can truly build a better world. they cannot really even imagine that possibility. they think patriarchy is an inevitable natural consequence of unchangeable biological facts, and therefore the goal of feminism can only be to mitigate the worst effects of patriarchy, not to get rid of it.

they can imagine a society where women get some designated safe spaces without men around. they cannot imagine a society where the presence of men is not inherently a danger to women.

[bumblebeebats]

“Frances and I were considering attending a Lesbian/Feminist conference this summer, when we were notified that no boys over ten were allowed. This presented logistic as well as philosophical problems for us, and we sent the following letter: Sisters: Ten years as an interracial lesbian couple has taught us both the dangers of an oversimplified approach to the nature and solutions of any oppression, as well as the danger inherent in an incomplete vision. Our thirteen-year-old son represents as much hope for our future world as does our fifteen-year-old daughter, and we are not willing to abandon him to the killing streets of New York City while we journey west to help form a Lesbian-Feminist vision of the future world in which we can all survive and flourish.”

— Audre Lorde, Sister Outsider: “Man Child: A Black Lesbian Feminist’s Response." (This essay in particular was apparently first published in 19-fucking-79, which is how long this conversation's been going on.)

[sparrowlucero]

its kind of distressing how you can tell a lot of people see popular indie artists and writers and such as like "a Celebrity but one which i stand a half decent chance of bullying to death"

[wordcubed]

[theswisscheeserag]

With severance season 2 around the corner it’s time for me to share the time I accidentally watched 4 minutes of an episode on mute and thought it was a brilliant way to show the sensory deprivation experienced by the innies

[thesnadger]

Parallels.

[the-snadger]

[boytron]

[scribefindegil]

I was in a long-term relationship that fell apart partially because I was ace and my partner was very much not, and every time we looked for relationship help we got told that I was the problem. Not just that a significant mismatch in sexual desire could be a problem in a relationship, but that it was My Fault, Specifically, for not being willing to suck it up and have a bunch of sex I didn't want. To my ex's credit, he cared about consent much more than any of the professionals we talked to and refused to pressure me even when my (lesbian, billed as progressive and pro-LGBT) therapist was actively telling him to.

But it meant that we had absolutely no help or support when we were trying to work on the relationship in ways that *did* value my autonomy. There's basically no advice for people who want to try to make a relationship where there's a big desire gap work that isn't "well you should just have sex anyway" or "just break up lol". And that sucks!

Sometimes breaking up is necessary, and that's what ended up happening with us because there were other reasons we worked better as friends, but there *should* be better frameworks for discussing what people want and need that don't automatically assume that one partner's feelings are automatically more important or valuable than the other's.

[geese-in-flight]

I was dating someone who wanted to be accommodating and work with me to figure things out but lacked the EQ to do so in any effective way. It was my first relationship and I was still figuring out what being ace meant for me. It’s been eight or nine years, but I still remember very clearly the moment I realized we’d been approaching the entire discussion as if my orientation was the problem to be solved, and that it would be equally as valid to say that hers was.

She was significantly less impressed with this revelation than I was, but I tried to hold on to it ever since (although obviously the real problem wasn’t either one of us, but the mismatch and the lack of tools to deal with it). I think it’s super important to remember that we aren’t the ones in the wrong while our theoretical partners are the ones in the right. I was surprised by how much I’d internalized the assumption and I don’t think I’m the only one.

[ineffectualdemon]

The other frustrating aspect of this is allo relationships will often have periods of time where libido does not match (I'm not derailing and this will swing back to asexual people)

Just after giving birth, during a family crisis, during a mental health episode, during health problems, during stressful periods at work

There are a lot of times when one person is horned up and raring to go and the other has no interest

And the solution often presented is that the person who is going through something should just put out because they are the problem instead of like...finding ways to engage in non sexual intimacy to reaffirm closeness

An asexual person is going to get 10x the amount of pressure and blame put on them and no advice on how non-sexual intimacy can help their relationships and if they get that at all it will only be to sell it as a bridge to sex they don't want.

I really hate the selling of intimacy as only equaling or facilitating sex. Intimacy comes in many forms and should be explored more by every couple as a non sexual act. And it the given importance it deserves. In fact I would argue if we as a society put more value on non sexual intimacy more relationships would be happier and healthier

And asexual people would stop getting shit for being themselves.

[scribefindegil]

Yeah, exactly! There are many different forms of intimacy, physical and emotional, and we need to stop viewing non-sexual forms of intimacy as inherently lesser.

And also you're right that while this post is specifically about the asexual experience, these problems affect everyone; desire gaps, whether temporary/circumstantial or ongoing, affect many if not most long-term relationships. And the solution needs to reaffirm bodily autonomy and compassion for everyone, not just carve out a specific exception for ace people. Too frequently I see people and institutions that, even when they're attempting to be affirming, essentially say "Well this is what a committed relationship Needs To Look Like . . . unless you already id as ace I guess" instead of allowing their general idea of what relationships can look like to expand and become less prescriptive.

No one should be pressured into sex they don't want. This should be a basic and non-negotiable tenet of feminism. But it goes out the window as soon as it's in the context of a committed relationship that isn't otherwise abusive.

[10001gecs]

I need to suck you off until you’re groaning like a beached whale 🫣

ok you can give me a blowjob but take the time to think of a more sexy simile please

[10001gecs]

😭

[doberbutts]

“trans men don’t experience misogyny because they’re men thus cannot experience women’s oppression”

I hate to tell you this but even cis men experience misogyny if they step a toe over the line of what our incredibly sexist society sees as “proper” for a man. You really don’t think that a man with interests or expression the world sees as “female” aren’t treated with violence?

[doberbutts]

“would you say that of other privileged groups? do you think white people experience racism?”

I mean sometimes they do yeah. I know a white guy with monolid eyes and zero known Asian ancestors and he absolutely experiences anti-Asian racism on a fairly regular basis because people think he’s mixed Asian/white. I know a woman who was told throughout her life that she was Native as an adoptee with no known history or background who experienced incredibly violent amounts of anti-Native racism until she discovered as an adult through DNA test that she is 100% white. I know white people who tan incredibly dark in the summer comparatively that are constantly accused of being mixed race and experiencing racism due to that, usually anti-Mexican racism perpetrated against white people with Greek or Italian ancestors.

Their ability to make it stop by saying “hey, I’m white actually” only goes as far as the person enacting violence on them is willing to believe them. They still have to live with the trauma and physical scars from the altercations. We live in a racist world and thus there will be violent people who force all others to pass a whiteness test and eliminating or harming the rest.

[doberbutts]

Got an ask that I just block/deleted but it was basically “so you think cis people experience transphobia!?!?!?!?” and uh

If you think cis butches don’t experience both transphobia and misogyny and homophobia for daring to be women who break gender roles while still holding onto their womanhood you’ve sorely misunderstood just how bad butches have it in this world sorry. If you don’t think cis queens experience transphobia and homophobia and misogyny for daring to be men who break gender roles while being loud and proud about it and still holding onto their manhood then you’ve sorely mistaken just how bad they have it in this world as well.

Not to mention all of the cis men who wear dresses and skirts and makeup and nail polish and heels simply because they like them who experience all of these things. All of the cis straight women who simply just exist but something about them doesn’t pass society’s “woman enough” test, leading to them being caught in bathroom bills and sporting rules and being attacked by people who mistake them for being transgender or gay.

Just like how straight people experience homophobia to such a degree that they literally beat their children out of any potential deviance from rigidly upheld gender roles and let politicians make jokes on national TV about how they’d drown their pre-teen kids if they came out as LGBT. Do you really think a straight kid still figuring themselves out hears that and doesn’t internalize that homophobia? Doesn’t rigidly hold themselves to some impossible standard so that no one could ever possibly think they’re gay? You don’t think straight teenage boys who maybe don’t pass some bully’s straightness test are getting the shit kicked out of them for “being gay” when, surprise, they aren’t? You don’t think all those kids being attacked by their priests and coaches and teachers are being told “this wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t gay” when they’re literally not gay? Do you know how many straight kids had close calls at my school that famously expels all gay kids, because someone made up a believable enough rumor? Do you know how many of them still got their shit kicked in even though administration ultimately decided to let them stay?

All bigotry is violent and all bigotry catches people it doesn’t “intend” to and hurts them as well. It doesn’t matter what someone’s label is, or if they even have one. It matters if the person enacting the violence is doing it because their victim didn’t pass whatever “acceptable enough” test they didn’t know they were being subjected to.

Everyone is at risk. Oppression doesn’t care what your label is. Some people are more visible targets than others, and as a result those people are the more common targets. That doesn’t mean no one else experiences it.

[doberbutts]

My first post to reach 2k without people clowning in the notes I feel so proud

[sophie-baybey]

[taylortut]

the “sexy lamp test” but for disabled folks: if you can replace your disabled character with a beloved pet dog that needs an expensive surgery to survive then you have to throw out your manuscript 

[rouge-wall-enthusiast]

“The Family Dog” by Deaf artist Susan Dupor, 1991

[tamamita]

Just coffee

[tamamita]

[duskdragonxiii]

Why is pet play always dogs anyway

[duskdragonxiii]

Youre a dirty little goldfish arent you. daddys gonna clean your tank out so good so you have to wait in the sink until im done.

[delicate-viscera]

usamerican soldier STUNNED into silence when he learns that his willing and paid participation in the murder and neocolonization of foreign people is a huge red flag to everyone with a conscience