Nikki Speaking

A Point Form Blog on Brain Injury Recovery & Post Concussion Syndrome

[msniikkii]

Jet Me Outta Here

guess what! i’m going on an adventure! a VACATION. (i’m actually probably already gone!)

i am in my 18TH MONTH of recovery. did i think i would be 100% better by now? ABSOLUTELY. am i 100% better? NOT AT ALL have i come a long way since my injury? YES.

is going on a 3.5 week adventure to the UK the best idea? let’s look at pros and cons.

CONS:

navigating through unfamiliar places

visiting crazy busy cities that never sleep

getting off routine

lots of sensory stimulation, that i might not be able to control

decision making and problem solving on the fly

time zone change and potential sleep disturbance (jet lag)

nutrition/exercise might suffer

PROS:

great for my mental heath (vacation mode)

taking a break from constantly focusing on recovery

experiencing the world, new culture 

strengthening me and my loves relationship

exposing myself to sensory experiences (tolerance)

get to speak french (for part of the trip)

cross another item off my bucket list

to be honest i was so excited about going on this trip, that i completely DISMISSED MY INJURY and potential symptoms. i really thought i’d be BETTER BY NOW and that my TBI would be a distant memory. well. it is still very real and VERY PRESENT in my daily life.

i mean, i’m going on a trip that we have been dreaming about for years, it’s finally happening. so of course my brain is going to be fine, right?? probably not. good thing my psychologist brought back down to earth.

realistically i should have planned a RELAXING BEACH vacation. but like i said i wasn't considering my injury.

so what am i doing to help regulate my symptoms?

PACE

i tend to try and do everything and see everything. we really had to PRIORITIZE what we wanted to see and do

ALTERNATE busy days and lazy days

take our time

PLAN

i WROTE everything down. times, booking references, locations, addresses

will help with planning ANXIETY

MINIMIZE the amount of decision making on the fly. not my idea way of approaching a vacation, but you do what you have to.

ADJUST for jet lag

sleep is my saviour. SLEEP DISRUPTIONS could make or break my experience

adjust sleep schedule prior to trip to align my CIRCADIAN RHYTHMS to the UK timezone

bring MELATONIN to help get into a new sleep routine

ALLIVIATE SYMPTOMS

bring ADVIL  (headaches)

bring EYE MASK, EAR PLUGS, and headphones

travel PILLOW for sleeping on planes, trains and automobiles

COMMUNICATE

real talk with my partner

adjust his expectations 

plan for the worst, hope for the best

<3

[msniikkii]

Eye..carumba

simpsons reference for the win. 

i received an elaborate eye assessment to take a deeper dive into my potential eye issues.

what was i (and still) experiencing?

words get blurry as I read them

reduced comprehension 

forgetting what i had just read

difficult to focus on words

tension headaches

immediate fatigue

reading has never been a challenge, now reading any kind of text in the following formats has become a nightmare.

books/textbooks

newspapers

magazine articles

word searches

contracts 

recipes

long social media posts 

long emails

Seems like anything that has long sentences and paragraphs wears me out and lead to symptoms if I don't stop.

like everything else with mTBI I had to build up to my tolerance level (20 mins MAX), but now I am at a plateau.

what did they assess at the vision clinic? 2 hours worth:

lazy eye (amblyopia)

cross-eye (strabismus)

depth perception

binocular eye movements (convergence and divergence)

eye movement disorders (muscle tone, smooth pursuit, saccadic)

accommodation (focus, near and far)

light sensitivity

retinal issues/damage

what were the findings? of all the issues that were listed, i had only one box checked off. SACCADIC EYE MOVEMENT DEFICIENCIES (the link will bring you to a little video to explain wtf that means. 

GOOD NEWS! it can be REHABILITATED with VISION THERAPY.

BAD NEWS! it is pretty expensive (estimated cost: $2173), and NOT covered by my standard insurance policy. 

MAYBE GOOD NEWS! since i am on long term disability, and reading is a crucial component to my success at work, i can make a strong case to get it covered. how i am suppose to work if i can't freaking READ!

more to come on this once i start therapy. fingers crossed it’s covered.

<3

[msniikkii]

Water Works

a little note on the impact of dehydration on the brain. IT IS THE WORST.

funny thing is, that you probably don’t even realize what dehydration is doing to you.

here we go with the SCIENCE part:

your BRAIN is 85% water! 

your brain is made up of NEURONS

neurons transmit ELECTRICAL signals to each other

water CONDUCTS electricity

see the relationship starting to form?

for the sake of time and energy, i have posted a couple easy to read articles and videos on how and why your brain needs water. check my blog.

what are the symptoms of DEHYDRATION?

i’m not talking about severe dehydration...i’m talking the everyday dehydration that most of us have unknowingly imposed upon ourselves, without TBI.

headache*

dizziness*

thirst/hunger

irritability*

dark coloured pee pee

constipation

dry skin

okay so if you are like me, a TBI can already come with a few* of the above symptoms. on top of those i find the following can also be accentuate with dehydration:

decreased concentration

decreased mental awareness

brian fogginess

fatigue

feeling slowed down

more memory issues

moral of the story is that WATER IS YOUR NEW BFF. yes you will probably pee more often, but it’s worth it.

here are some of the rules i follow:

drink HALF of your body weight in OUNCES, or

drink 2 LITRES of water per day 

drink a GLASS of H2O upon waking up (helps me with alertness)

for EVERY glass of ALCOHOL, drink its equivalent in water (but don’t drink too much or at all if you can help it)

drink A LOT of WATER after eating anything with REFINED SUGAR

don’t CHUG water. small sips throughout the day is key to ABSORPTION

EAT lots of leafy green and fruit, they contain a lot of water

carry around a reusable water BOTTLE, fill it up whenever you can

water actually works. simple but true. 

[msniikkii]

Why Your Brain Needs Water

Water enhances mental function and is essential to survival

Supplemental Read on Brain and Water!

[msniikkii]

The role of drinking water on the brain functions

The role of drinking water on the brain functions

I’m not saying drink their water, but they are right in what they are saying!

[msniikkii]

What If You Stopped Drinking Water?

What would happen to your body without water? SUBSCRIBE: http://bit.ly/10kWnZ7 --MORE LINKS BELOW (Click 'Show More')-- Water.org - http://bit.ly/1epHGbJ UNI...

[msniikkii]

Sound of Silence

did you know? silence isn’t really a thing. Okay, maybe it is possible, but your brain does a lot of work to FILTER out baseline NOISE. hunh? 

SENSORY ADAPTATION is when our brains become less sensitive to CONSTANT stimuli that are picked up by our senses. 

Think about it. your almighty BRAIN filters out background noise constantly.

ticking of a clock

hum of your car engine

heartbeat/blinking/swallowing

typing on a keyboard

rumbles from heating/air conditioner systems

all the conversation and chatter at parties/indoor public places

clanging of silverware at restaurants

a symptom of brain injury can be SOUND SENSITIVITY. the brain can have a hard time filtering out the background noises and/or has a hard time choosing what to pay attention to. SHARP sounds and certain FREQUENCIES also trigger symptoms.

i hate this one. its impacted a few areas of my life that i used to thoroughly enjoy:

going to the movies

house parties (& pubs (& clubs))

social get togethers with more than 4 ppl

participating in open mics/karaoke (yes i am a fan)

restaurants & cafes

malls & grocery stores

open concept workplaces (cubicles)

putting dishes away (this one drives me crazy!)

my common SYMPTOMS (sometimes occur the next day):

headaches

feelings of panic and anxiety

drains energy stores

confusion

brain fog

what do i do to PREVENT SYMPTOMS from SOUND SENSITIVITY

EAR PLUGS

i stash them everywhere (purse & vehicles)

not always totally helpful

NOISE CANCELLING headphones

listening to MUSIC while in busy places

prob not the best solution, but helps me focus on one thing (music) rather than all the competing and confusing noise

AVOIDING loud places/situations

mTBIs can lead to SOCIAL ISOLATION, which is a whole other issue

not always successful solutions. key is to remove the stimulus BEFORE you start getting symptoms. symptom delay can make this hard. trail and error and understanding your triggers and sensitivity levels can really help with this.

<3

[msniikkii]

Masterfully (un)Planned

since my injury, i struggle with planning. doesn’t that sound ridiculous? how do you lose the ability to plan. 

humans (brains) are complex. we all plan our lives in our own ways. some of us plan obsessively, some of us might not plan at all. planning was always something i did...

to reach my financial goals,          to map my life design,                     to be successful at work,                               to meet my nutritional/health needs,                                         to get me through the week. 

without a plan i feel lost.

what are the obstacles I face when planning?

CONFUSING days of the week, sometimes what month it is

FORGETTING what i am doing mid-thought, and it not coming back

 not understanding my NEEDS hour to hour, day to day

needing RIGIDITY in my routine 

memory RECALL is poor

what i do to help myself:

get plenty of SLEEP

keep a wicked PLANNER close by all the time 

come up with a WEEKLY plan every Sunday

spend time everyday to review YESTERDAY, TODAY and TOMORROW

try to be CONSISTENT in my routine 

to be honest, i still have TROUBLE with MEDIUM and LONG term planning. so my methods aren't the end all, be all. before my injury, planners were not my thing.some weeks my planner feels like a crutch, a lifeline. i tried going with out once and felt absolutely lost.... then the ANXIETY would set in. 

it has taken me awhile to readjust. once i was able to let go of the old way i used to plan, i could embrace the new ways i tackle my crazy world. 

<3

[msniikkii]

insurance company take over

injury date: June 17, 2017. i took 3 WEEKS OFF. i tried to return BACK TO WORK for almost 10 months, UNSUCCESSFULLY. why?

NO occupational therapist 

NO clear RETURN TO WORK Guidelines (for me or my employer)

NO modified duties (only modified hours)

constantly pushing BEYOND my SYMPTOM THRESHOLD

i’ve been off work FULL TIME since April 2018. 

on my own accord, i have devised, scheduled and followed through on my own recovery plan. why is this crazy? some of my brain injury symptoms include:

confusion

short term memory loss

inability to multi-task

extreme fatigue

let’s just say that i am doing the best i can. between understanding what i need, coordinating appointments and getting myself to these places its been pretty tough. it wears me out. oh, and don’t even get me started the cost. 

hear this. i got a call this week and my insurance company has assigned me a REHAB CONSULTANT. apparently i’ll have 

an occupational therapist ASSESS me within a week

a MULTI-DISCIPLINARY team of specialists and physicians 

a 4-12 week RECOVERY PROGRAM designed for return to work

people helping me with  COMPLETE and SUSTAINABLE recovery

i’m HOPEFUL & HAPPY... but also SKEPTICAL & ANXIOUS. this is an insurance company after all. fingers crossed for HUMAN COMPASSION.

[msniikkii]

Why “Point Form” ?

Testing 1 2 3 .... Testing...

Being able to write about my successes, setbacks and stories is important to me. Why?

lets me get it all out 

keeps a record of my journey 

helps others who may have a mTBI 

So why point form?

keeps readers ATTENTION/FOCUS

survivors with READING/VISUAL issues can easily absorb content

 i avoid BURNOUT

Hopefully this works. 

[msniikkii]

Detox from Hell...

It’s actually not that bad. I have heard of a lot worse. 

It’s pretty basic. It’s raw food. Fruit, veg and well a lot of water. Tea has been keeping me sane. I’m at the end of day two and feeling restless. I just want to eat sugar, or deep fried something. It’s horrible. I have resisted for the most part. Well I did eat a hazelnut. Just one. 

Yesterday I had a meltdown. my lovely boyfriend and I were arguing and I just lost it, emotionally. Part due to exhaustion, part due to having to exercise will power. I planned my day poorly and went grocery shopping AND to the new star wars movie (with NO popcorn!)

Today was better. Got to the gym, and went ice fishing with no emotional meltdowns. I hit a wall at about 3pm. I didn’t want another glass of fu*cking water!

I’m 44 hours in, and have 28 hours to go. Then AT LEAST I will be able to eat some protein. Can’t wait. 

[msniikkii]

Planning day means eating out, but keepin’ it healthy, nutritious and clean.

[msniikkii]

Day 1

Instead of thinking of this as a failure I am going to think of this as a game. How many days can I successfully stick to something without having to start over? Last time it lasted 4 days. 

This heath focused objective has a bit of a twist. It’s not for me to get strong, or loose weight. Its for me to get my brain happy again. Almost 7 months ago I got a concussion. A big ol’ , full contact, hit to the face, which dropped me like  a fly. At the time I had no idea the ride I had just begun, minutes after that hit. 

Post-concussion has been one of my worst experiences yet. I’ve had cancer, I’ve broken bones that needed surgical repair, I’ve been deceived, had my heart broken and lost people near and dear to me. Nevermind the physical symptoms; migraines, dizziness, balance problems, light and noise sensitivity, but the other cognitive and mental symptoms that accompany all the physical stuff is what really put a wrench in my life. Not feeling like you, being uncontrollably emotional, not remembering things, having words vanish, or sitting on the tip of your tongue. The way brain physically adjusts my peripherals when it thinks that I’ve had enough. Not being able to take on challenges, not being able to keep up at work, feeling like a disappointment. 

So I finally told myself I need a break, I am taking three weeks off work to hopefully improve my life. This three weeks falls right over christmas and new years , so the willpower will have to be strong.

Here are my rules:

1. Drink 3 72oz of water a day.

2. Go to yoga 3 times a week.

3. Go to the gyms 5 times a week. 

4. Meditate once a day.

5. Only have sugar on Sunday. 

6. Eat a balanced, high protein, high fibre, whole food diet. 

7. Sleep a minimum of 7 hours a day.

8. Read a minimum of 10 pages a day. 

Today I will focus on planning this all. Meals, Routine, got to make this work.

[msniikkii]

[foreverfitness-]

[msniikkii]

[defineyourgrind]