This Is muchobsessedwithpretty06

Also known as @obsessedwithpretty79... This is a new blog in case the other one gets shut down. I am still the same, haven’t changed! Still stanning those men 🥰

[resiliencewithin]

Tomorrow, I’m returning to work.

I’ve been off for 2 and a half months (where did the time go?) and while I remain thrilled with the progress I’ve made restoring and stabilizing my mental health...

I am not without concerns and some apprehension.

But!

That’s normal.

It’s normal to be nervous before a big change, particularly one that could very realistically have negative consequences.

I’m not stewing, not ruminating, my nerves are not escalating into severe anxiety or panic. I also don’t feel like they could at any moment.

This👆is a testament to my progress.

Even so, any and all positive vibes, luck and well wishes would be greatly appreciated. ♥️

Once more into the breach.

[resiliencewithin]

And now it’s morning.

Here we go.

🤞

I should point out it’s a teacher preparation day today... so when the kids are back tomorrow that will be the real test. Still, leave life is done and a full day of work ahead.

[muchobsessedwithpretty06]

You’ve got this! And we are here with you ❤️❤️

[resiliencewithin]

Daily Gratitude 💗

April 2, 2021

What are you grateful for today?

Welcome to our gratitude support group! All are welcome to be a part of the gratitude crew.

Take some time to reflect on the good things in your life. Then, take some time to read what’s good for others. It warms my heart ♥️ every day.

Re-blog or write a note about what you are grateful for as often as makes sense for you.

All posts will be tagged ‘resiliencewithin’s daily gratitude group’

[resiliencewithin]

I am grateful...

that I managed to get out of bed. It may have taken an hour but I did it despite the fact that depression wanted me to stay.

that I’ve already tended to my body by doing yoga and strength this morning.

that I’m even making this list right now when I’m coming off a bad mental episode.

for coffee. Always. Mmm.

for the amazing hikes I did the past few days. One of them being possibly the best hike I’ve ever done. Moments of awe are rare but I had one. So humbled by nature.

[muchobsessedwithpretty06]

I am taking the day off to decompress from the stressful week I have just experienced. I woke up early so I can watch the sunrise.

[pinkoptics]

Hello 👋 Cherik friends,

I miss you all.

I have often kept you up to date on my mental health because you’ve always been so lovely and supportive. 💕

About 2 and a half weeks ago I went on medical leave from work due to extreme exhaustion, burnout, anxiety and depression. If you follow @resiliencewithin this is old news.

I’m resting, slowly regaining my energy and mental capacity. I’m working on my anxiety/depression with my therapist and a host of coping tools.

I’m truly focusing on and prioritizing myself for the first time in my life.

I miss you all, I miss the boys, I miss writing, so I’m going to try to start dipping my toes back into fandom! I think it’ll make me happy to do so and as my therapist says, happiness is excellent medicine.

Love,

@pinkoptics

[muchobsessedwithpretty06]

I miss you ❤️

[niralamba]

~12 Years a Slave~ at TIFF 2013 - Vanity Fair, p.1

[muchobsessedwithpretty06]

Yummy 😋

[resiliencewithin]

Daily Gratitude 🍀

March 17, 2021

What are you grateful for today?

Welcome to our gratitude support group! All are welcome to be a part of the gratitude crew.

Take some time to reflect on the good things in your life. Then, take some time to read what’s good for others. It warms my heart ♥️ every day.

Re-blog or write a note about what you are grateful for as often as makes sense for you.

All posts will be tagged ‘resiliencewithin’s daily gratitude group’

[resiliencewithin]

I'm grateful ...

the early meditation I did yesterday. It gave me inspiration and motivation for the day.

that my body is finally in a place to do some more strenuous physical activity. I’m starting slow (very slow) but I did strength exercises for the first time in months!

for baking competition shows. I take such delight in watching people be so creative. I love that baking can be a mix of utter deliciousness and gorgeous art. I have so many taped on my pvr right now.

I got something done yesterday that I hadn’t exactly been putting off but just didn’t seem to be able to get around to.

the new lookout spot I’ve discovered in my community. The sun hits it full on in the afternoon/evening and provides a gorgeous view of the city.

[muchobsessedwithpretty06]

I have not posted in a while but life is so busy... but I am grateful for the positive feedback I am receiving from parents when I share with them how proud I am of their child’s progress and success. I am also grateful to see some growth in some of my students. Today was a great day 🙂

[resiliencewithin]

recovery wins

Yesterday, was the best recovery day I’ve had thus far on leave.

I wanted to treat myself well and I did.

So, I prioritized want/enjoyment over must/should.

I felt truly awake and had energy.

I relaxed because I wanted to vs needed to.

I had fun.

I experienced no guilt or anxiety over prioritizing wants, relaxing or having fun.

Wow.

I felt good.

Should it not be obvious, I struggle with ALL of these things. My anxiety, my ingrained productivity mentality, my perception of my own worth in relation to other things/people— it all makes it incredibly difficult to relax, enjoy and just be moment to moment, never mind a whole day. I am so grateful.

[muchobsessedwithpretty06]

That is amazing!!! So happy for you!! ❤️

[resiliencewithin]

I’m officially on leave.

The predominant feeling is loss. Sadness. Grief.

I have such a lovely class.

One of my students wrote me this note:

“I feel sad because I am going to miss Mrs. R so much. I will miss music class with Mrs. R and art. I will miss her goofiness. I will miss her silly words. But I know we will be safe. I will miss science, all the good stuff she does. I will miss gratitude so much (yes, I do daily gratitude with the kids too). You are the best teacher in the whole universe. You are such a kind person. I will miss you reading my stories. I love you.”

For those not in the know, this is a huge amount of writing for a 6 year old who had to sound out every word. I was so touched it was all I could do to keep it together.

I will come back to these amazing kiddos stronger and healthier.

That note right there is motivation.

[muchobsessedwithpretty06]

Yes you will come back stronger and healthier to them. In them meantime, take care of yourself ❤️

[resiliencewithin]

Daily Gratitude 🐊

January 25, 2021

What are you grateful for today?

Welcome to our gratitude support group! All are welcome to be a part of the gratitude crew.

Take some time to reflect on the good things in your life. Then, take some time to read what’s good for others. It warms my heart ♥️ every day.

Re-blog or write a note about what you are grateful for as often as makes sense for you.

All posts will be tagged ‘resiliencewithin’s daily gratitude group’

[muchobsessedwithpretty06]

On that day, I was grateful that I got to work from home. That was a nice way to start the week. I got to sleep in and enjoy my morning for a bit.

[resiliencewithin]

Daily Gratitude 📘

January 19, 2021

What are you grateful for today?

Welcome to our gratitude support group! All are welcome to be a part of the gratitude crew.

Take some time to reflect on the good things in your life. Then, take some time to read what’s good for others. It warms my heart ♥️ every day.

Re-blog or write a note about what you are grateful for as often as makes sense for you.

All posts will be tagged ‘resiliencewithin’s daily gratitude group’

[resiliencewithin]

Yesterday was a rough day. Anxiety through the roof.

I want to start today with gratitude in my heart but it’s challenging. Mostly, I feel like crying. Work has been intense and I think I’m feeling it. It’s catching up with me.

So, I’m grateful...

that I know it’s okay to feel this way. I’m not weak. Being human is hard. Mental illness is hard. Sometimes it’s all too much and I just need to cry. That’s all right. If I cry it’s fine, if I don’t it’s fine. I will care for myself and hope tomorrow is a brighter day.

[muchobsessedwithpretty06]

Today was a bad day at work. Today’s group of students is a crazy group. They literally drain the life out of me. I went home with a massive headache. However, I am grateful for the few moments of silence I was able to get once I got once from work while cuddling the cat. The headache went away and I was able to do some chores afterwards 🙂

[resiliencewithin]

Tomorrow, I have a meeting with my principal.

I don’t like her. She’s a terrible leader. She has made what is already a horrid teaching experience during a pandemic even worse. Our work culture is toxic. People cry and yell at meetings. It’s not just me.

She called the meeting and I know why.

I have advocated for my mental health with my department/team leader. It’s been interpreted as me not wanting to fulfill certain professional obligations when what should have happened was admin wising up that they are asking too much of us.

I will defend that I am a master teacher, because I am.

I shouldn’t have to, but I will. I fucking rock. My kids are happy and learning in spite of Covid.

I will advocate for my mental health, because I am at a crisis point.

I don’t know how this will go.

I don’t know if she will be receptive to hearing about my struggle.

I’m sick with anxiety and worry.

But I will stand firm and strong.

I matter.

I am important.

[resiliencewithin]

.

.

.

It went well.

Wow.

Not just well, but shockingly well.

I wrote in advance about my current mental health struggles (anxiety, depression, burnout) related to COVID and teaching on the front line of it, because I knew I would be too anxious to speak eloquently in the moment.

I cried.

She was receptive, compassionate, supportive and appreciative of my honesty. She affirmed that I am an exceptional educator.

I’m dumbfounded.

I opened up about my mental health to someone with whom I was really uncertain of how it would be received.

I’m so proud of myself.

Unfortunately, when it came to her asking how she could support me (see above about what a terrible toxic leader she is), there was no way to tell her without criticizing her leadership style and decision making.

I can only hope she will be softer with me and maybe, just maybe, with the rest of the staff in turn.

[muchobsessedwithpretty06]

I am so proud of you... you have no idea ❤️

[resiliencewithin]

My 20th Therapy Session was One of Celebration 🎉

Every month we do a “Level of Functioning” assessment, which is less a diagnostic of your mental illness and more a diagnostic of how your mental illness impacts your life.

In February of 2020, at my first appointment, I rated my functioning around a 2 or 3 out of 10 in most areas. In other words, I was functioning terribly in mood, motivation, engagement, sleep, socialization, self worth, etc.

As of the end of August 2020, my lowest rating was a 7, with most being rated 8-10.

WOW

Just... WOW 🤩

Unbelievably, this coincides with another incredible milestone.

As a teacher, I have been back at work for two preparation days. For the previous 10 years of my career, I have put in 10-12 hour days those prep days. Then, on the weekend, to ensure I am insanely prepared, I have worked 4-6 hour days. Essentially, before the kids had even arrived for the year I had worked myself to near burnout.

This year however...

I worked normal 8 hour days Thursday and Friday and have only worked 1 hour this weekend. This is astonishing, not just in the reduction of hours to normalcy, but because I did not even experience one iota of the overwhelming anxiety that has always pushed me to work myself to death.

I. Am. Important.

For the first time, I am starting to truly believe those words. I will be a great teacher to my students, but not at the expense of well being.

Anyone want to celebrate this with me? 😄

[muchobsessedwithpretty06]

I am definitely celebrating with you!!! This school year will be the year we take care of ourselves!!!

[resiliencewithin]

Thought Challenge

Holiday Anxiety

What are the anxious thoughts?

“I’m on holiday and have time to be productive and should catch up on everything I haven’t had time for RIGHT NOW.”

What is the worst case scenario?

I get NOTHING done today. No housework, no errands, no writing, no mental health work (hah doing that one right now actually) - NOTHING.

What is the plan to deal with the worst case scenario?

First off there doesn’t need to be a plan because SO WHAT?! I’m 👏🏻 on 👏🏻 holiday 👏🏻. The first day of holiday, in fact. I should be resting, napping, binging TV and generally doing whatever the fuck I want to be doing.

If I need to have one? There is tomorrow and the next day and the day after that. Where is the law that says that stuff has to be done today?

What does history tell me?

Rest IS productive. Everyone needs time to restore themselves and recharge. This is true all the time, but is this not also the point of a holiday? 

I will get to those things. It’s not like they won’t get completed just because I’m not doing them today.

[muchobsessedwithpretty06]

Love this ❤️

[niralamba]

Interview ~The light between oceans~, France, Sep 2016, p.3

[niralamba]

~The Light Between Oceans~

[niralamba]

Interview on set ~The Snowman~

[crazytxgradstudent]

@muchobsessedwithpretty06 Happy birthday, babe! I love you and I hope you have a great day! *here’s some Fassy for you 😈😘*

[muchobsessedwithpretty06]

@crazytxgradstudent you are the best!!! Thank you xo

[niralamba]

*accentuation*