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Sometimes when your brain yells at you “it wasn’t that bad!” you have to ask yourself, then why would you be where you are right now, if it wasn’t that bad? Why would you be in this much pain, having all those symptoms, feeling anxiety, grief and all those empty holes inside of you? If it wasn’t that bad, why would you be having this conversation with yourself, would it even come up if it wasn’t that bad? Would it be bothering you if it was nothing?

Your feelings and symptoms can never appear out of thin air, or of your own doing. If you’re hurt over it, it was bad. If you can’t stop debating it inside of your head, it was extremely significant to you. If you have trauma symptoms over it, it was traumatic. If you’re crying your heart out over it, it was awfully painful to you. Nobody can tell you how something was for you or what you should be feeling, it’s your feelings alone that show you just how much something affected you.

And if you’re terrified of something that haunts thru your past, experiencing so much grief you have to dissociate from it every now and then to handle it, living your whole life in secret, feeling ashamed of your own feelings, of the way you’re experiencing your own life, helpless to change what you’re going thru even when you desperately want to, then it was worse than you think. Because events that cause that level of trauma can’t even be experienced in full intensity in real time, but the pain and the trauma will creep back to you years later, showing you bit by bit, just how bad it was.

furiousgoldfish

Sometimes when your brain yells at you “it wasn’t that bad!” you have to ask yourself, then why would you be where you are right now, if it wasn’t that bad? Why would you be in this much pain, having all those symptoms, feeling anxiety, grief and all those empty holes inside of you? If it wasn’t that bad, why would you be having this conversation with yourself, would it even come up if it wasn’t that bad? Would it be bothering you if it was nothing?

Your feelings and symptoms can never appear out of thin air, or of your own doing. If you’re hurt over it, it was bad. If you can’t stop debating it inside of your head, it was extremely significant to you. If you have trauma symptoms over it, it was traumatic. If you’re crying your heart out over it, it was awfully painful to you. Nobody can tell you how something was for you or what you should be feeling, it’s your feelings alone that show you just how much something affected you.

And if you’re terrified of something that haunts thru your past, experiencing so much grief you have to dissociate from it every now and then to handle it, living your whole life in secret, feeling ashamed of your own feelings, of the way you’re experiencing your own life, helpless to change what you’re going thru even when you desperately want to, then it was worse than you think. Because events that cause that level of trauma can’t even be experienced in full intensity in real time, but the pain and the trauma will creep back to you years later, showing you bit by bit, just how bad it was.