Thoughts on 15X18 | Spoilers!
So we all know in the beginning of season 15 Dean’s angry at Cas. Right?
I didn’t really think about it. Until now.
What if the real reason why Dean was angry at Cas is because Dean loves Cas.
Dean does care deeply for Cas we all seen how he lights up when Cas enters the room. Or when he “died” back in 12X23 and Dean was a wreak!
When God/Chuck admitted everything in 14X20 was a story for his amusement. Every enemy, every friend, and every death. It broke Dean and made him question his whole life.
Including a certain relationship (Cas).
It didn’t matter what Cas said because it wasn’t real from Dean’s perspective.
Every fight, every talk, every moment with Cas was just a part of the story. Which means in Dean’s mind Cas doesn’t actually care for him. He’s just doing what he was created for.
When Cas said “You asked what about all this is real. We are.” In 15X1
It fustrates Dean because he has feelings for Cas. But, he can’t fall for Cas because in his mind he doesn’t believe Cas could actually love him without chuck’s involvement.
Which causes a rift between the pair and Cas leaving the bunker in 15X3.
Jump to 15X17 we learn our Cas was the only one who rebelled out of every alternate version of Cas.
OUR Cas was the only one who rebelled and fought against his own kind. Even when his siblings didn’t believe in Dean and Sam. Cas always believed in them and they believe in him too.
In the most recent episode 15X18 Cas admits his deal with the empty and his true feelings for Dean.
Cas says, “The one thing I want, its something I know I can’t have.”
Dean asks, “What are you talking about, man?” He asks because he doesn’t want to jump to conclusions now that he knows everything Cas did was really his choice.
Then Cas goes on to say how HE saw Dean and says “Everything you have ever done, the good and bad, you have done for love.”
Dean rethinks everything he previously presumed about his life over again. His friendships, his battles, and his personal relationship with Cas. Everything is revaluated.
Cas admits how Dean changed his entire outlook and why he fought. “I cared about you, I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack, I care about the whole world because of you.”
Dean can’t say anything because to him this is something that he never imaged would happen in a million years. He never considered himself a hero or as someone who somebody would care for deeply other than Sam.
It’s like he’s seeing everything over again but in a new perspective then comes back to the present asks, “Why does this sound like goodbye?”
Then Cas admits it is then says, “I love you.” Those words is something Dean never imagined Cas saying out loud to him and only him.
The portal opens and Dean isn’t left with much time before Cas is gone forever. The only he says is Cas’s name. Something he and Cas are known for doing in intense moments.
Dean’s eyes start to become glossy because he knows Cas has made up his mind and there’s nothing he can do to stop it.
He turns to Cas but before he can say anything Cas says goodbye and throws him off to the side. While the empty grabs hold of Cas and Billie.
All Dean does is watch its like he’s a child again. Watching someone close to him die again. Powerless to do anything.
After everything is said and done only then does Dean realize he never got to the chance to say anything. He never got the chance to tell Cas he felt the same. Only then does the wall Dean built come down crashing down and the only thing he can think to do is cry.
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