My world of random, incessant thoughts :)

Im Kerryn. Mum to 2 special needs boys. Girlfriend to an amazing man. From Wellington, New Zealand. No, that is NOT part of Australia. Teacher aide at a primary school tagged to a special needs 6 year old.

[haleyincarnate]

I DON’T WANT YOU TO FUCKING APOLOGIZE. I WANT THE GUILT TO EAT YOU ALIVE. I WANT YOU TO DROWN IN YOUR THOUGHTS LIKE I DROWNED IN MINE.

(source deactivated)

[bl-ossomed]

Stay away from people who make you feel like you’re not good enough, because you are worth so much more

Note to self (via bl-ossomed)

[why-d0-i-exist]

xx

[mumma-bear]

OK, i swear my fiances mother is bat-shit crazy. She is 45. Her husband of close to 20 years passed away 8 weeks ago. For the last three weeks (so only five weeks after her husband passed), she has been seeing someone. He is 19. She wants to bring this kid to our wedding. We said no. She is threatening to not come if we don’t let her bring him. Like no, we are not paying for you to bring your stupid little toy boy to our wedding. We don’t know him, You’re a sick lady. And quite frankly, we don’t care if you don’t come.

[oitnbmoments-blog]

You have been visited by the Norma of Luck, reblog this and your life will get better.

[mumma-bear]

trying my bubba in a cot tonight coz he wont sleep in the bassinette. makes me a little sad though, he looks so tiny in the cot comparatively. And hes definitely not small, hes a little over 10lb now and hes not even 2 weeks old but he looks so tiny in there!

[mumma-bear]

Finally had my baby boy on Tuesday morning after being induced on Monday morning. Im so in love with him! hes all rolls and chub and cute! Hes a big boy too at 9lb 115, and 56 cm long! Was quite a hard labour though, and he was really really stuck, his head caught on my hip bones and totally malpresenting. Managed to get most of the way through the labour with just gas from about 5.30 on the Monday night, and finally consented to epidural at about 11.15. He was finally born at 12.13am Tuesday morning.

Im so pleased its over though. 14 days over with him all on one side hurt! it was so bad the anaesthetist thought I had scoliosis because my spine was so curved!

[neonmanatee]

this one time I ran a red light on mistake and I didn’t notice it was red until it was too late so I just ran the light screeching like an angry pterodactyl the entire time

a cop was at the intersection so he pulled me over and when he came up to my window he was wheezing cause he was laughing so hard and he said

“ok so i know you ran a red light and that’s really bad and you should never do it again but i’m not gonna give you a ticket cause that was the funniest thing i’ve ever seen and my partner can’t get out of the car cause he’s laughing so hard he’s about to pee himself”

i forgot that i’d had my window open when i ran the red light and the cop told me that all he heard from my car was this really high-pitched “screeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEAAAHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”

and that’s how i got out of getting a ticket for running a red light

[princeryuuhou]

this is my favourite story of all time and im probably going to reblog it many times throughout my blog’s lifetime

[mumma-bear]

this will always make me laugh until tears run from my eyes

[mumma-bear]

My mother in law is such a back stabbing, lying, hypocritical bitch! Nice as pie to my face and through text to me, but im a bitch coz I wont make matt talk to her, and I wont text her and I blocked her on facebook. And im a liar because I was originally told I wouldn't be allowed to go more than a week overdue, but am now 2 weeks over before being induced, and im just a user coz she sent me stuff when matt and I moved in. I told her not to, I wanted to get the stuff because I wanted to set my home up myself and buy my own babys stuff, not have her buy it all. Not my fault she cant take no. Shes pissed off coz I told her she couldn't be in my home when my boys are home from school because my autistic son wont cope with people he doesn't know in my home, and no she cant stay with us once ive had him, and no she cant be at the birth. Its apparently my fault she cant afford a motel and car and flights. Shes known im pregnant for the last 9 months, she chose to go on a cruise and go overseas. Not my fault but im sick of the personal attacks and the stress shes putting in my home. Its not fair! Matt agrees with what I said. im just over it all!

[mumma-bear]

Going for induction at 7:30 tomorrow morning. really really nervous! Never had an induction before and I feel so out of control with it! Im ready to meet this little monkey but im really scared too! my last labour and birth was so quick and painless that I didn't even know I was in labour nor that hed been born until I physically saw him. My first was the total opposite, 40 hrs established labour and over an hr and a half of pushing. im hoping for something in the middle! Any of you ladies that have had an induction, what are my chances of still getting my water birth? 

[mumma-bear]

this really sucks. the one thing my body should be doing naturally it cant or wont do. its not fair! We know im having some contractions, she saw them on the monitor yesterday but theyre not doing anything. It just makes me want to cry! im clearly not having this baby til im induced on Monday

[mumma-bear]

On the verge of tears at the moment. 41 weeks and 2 days now. went in for a s&s today to be told my labour wont start naturally because my cervix is still high, posterior and tightly closed. She said she couldn't do the s&s because it was so tightly closed she couldn't even get a fingertip inside. she said she couldn't get me in until Monday for induction because theres no space and they don't do them on the weekend. I cant do this for another 5 days! But because I don't have a private specialist, im not high on the hospital priority list. its not fair!

[mumma-bear]

there is nothing more annoying than being overdue and people saying "enjoy the peace while it lasts" or "havent you had that baby yet" or "gosh you've dropped! must be any time now" like I just want to punch someone in the face with a bus every time I hear it! 

[king-joaquin]

[recklesscloudz-deactivated20230]

Reblog and you’ll find money soon!

[nudiemuse]

Yes.

Also weird I reblobbed the other money one last night and a freelance check I invoiced for a month ago came in.

[timaeustestifieds]

reblobbed

[justthefangirl]

seriously have nothing to lose

[sherlysthougths]

Did it once might as well let it stack. At least I’m not buying loto tickets

[imsuchacapricorn]

You guys, I reblogged this 2 days ago out of desperation. Today I was looking through my old wallet for coins to go to the vending machine because that’s all I can fucking afford. I haven’t touched this thing since July/ August. When I found a disappointing 15 cents in the coin pocket I went to the billfold to see if any coins were in there. That’s when I saw them. 5 crisp bills amounting to $22. I literally screamed and danced around my room out of joy before remembering that I’d reblogged this post.

Tl;dr - This post is fucking magical and actually worked for me.

[sxvsxde-blog]

I’m broke as fuck. Money gods pls send me like 100k.

[muscovado-sugar]

I never reblog these, let’s give it a shot. BIG MONEY, BIG MONEY

[niuniente]

I reblogged this last week and withing an hour I got a client after a month of silence! Literally gave me money to eat for the rest of the month.

[doveclove]

Crazy enough but my mom randomly gave me 200 dollars after I reblogged one of these the other day…

[districtdollface-deactivated201]

Amen

[deenadolly-deactivated20150921]

Reblobbed.

[lifeofsocialoutcast]

😓

[mumma-bear]

feeling miserable. yesterday (sunday) I near on burst into tears coz I couldn't find a number to ring to find out how much to register my car for 6 weeks. Stupid hormones. Ive been nesting like mad up until today but today I feel like crap!

My head hurts, my back is aching, I want to vomit everywhere. I cant stop peeing or eating. I feel like im on the verge of tears for no reason. ive had enough. Im tired of people asking or stating "haven't you had that baby yet?" Im not even due until tomorrow and clearly im still pregnant. my hips hurt and keep locking. ive just had enough and I want this baby out. was supposed to see midwife today but she got called into delivery for someone else having their baby. I know I went late with the last two and that its likely I will with this one but I feel like crap and I just want him out and I want the nausea to stop! and the hot flushes and the general feeling like ive been hit by a truck.

[mumma-bear]

Sigh. Huge fight with the mother in law today all because I asked for people to not come into my home when the big kids finish school once baby is born because Seth is already struggling with all the change and doesn't need strangers in his safe space. I also asked for people to text or call before turning up because with a newborn, I need time to sleep and do all the appts and stuff. Well Im the biggest bitch out and depriving the MIL because I wont let her stay in the house THERES NO BLOODY SPACE!!!!!! and my rules apply to her even though shes coming from out of town. First she tried to guilt me into letting her stay here because otherwise she has to pay for flights and a motel and a rental car (that's my problem how? and it isn't like she hasn't had 9 months warning! but she can afford to jet off overseas on holiday or go on a cruise in that time. shes also been offered a bed else where but its too far because its an hr away. boo fucking hoo.) and then because I set rules and boundaries for EVERYBODY because my big kids safety, health and mental wellbeing is more important than people seeing a baby that is only going to sleep, eat and cry anyway coz that's what newborns do! I told her weekends would be a little more flexible, I told her I don't mind if she texts and we can then arrange to meet at a park or something for seths wellbeing but I am not bending my safety rules just coz of her. I don't care anymore! She can hate me and think what she likes, im doing what is best for my family and if that doesn't suit her well tough fucking shit.

this is after she threw a tanty at me not so long ago coz I told her no way in hell was she coming to the hospital when I go into labour, the only people will be matt, me, the midwife and my mum. that's it. shes not my mum, its not her birth or her baby and I don't know her or want her there!

She also puts me down to everybody, and tells everyone my parenting is the reason the kids are the way they are. You know, coz I can parent my kids into having autism spectrum, anxiety, adhd, genetic vision problems, hearing problems, heart problems, intellectual disability, metabolic disorders, and an undiagnosed genetic defect. Totally possible. Just coz she gave up and kicked her kid out coz she couldn't cope with him, doesn't mean the rest of us are bad parents. I don't care anymore, but im so fucking mad that she thinks she has a RIGHT to judge me, to question my safety plans and rules, that she thinks just because shes one grandmother to this baby, she gets any say in how hes raised.

I don't use dummies. I didn't on the big kids and I wont this time unless there is a medical need for it. I demand feed up until about 3-4 months old and then I start to develop a routine for feeding. I don't lie my babies down totally flat, I will baby wear where possible. I will not use the cry it out method. But no matter what I do, it would be wrong in her mind and I don't need that shit. my kid, my rules. she can just go get fucked!

[mumma-bear]

babys nursery, not sure im totally happy with it but its a good start!