[mumuonmission]

To my friend, Dmo Da Realest.

To the friend that I’ve known since I was 14. 

To the friend that I can talk to for hours about any and every thing.

To the friend that simply exhibits love. 

To the friend that sees me. 

I’m trying to put into words what our 16 years of friendship means to me. You are the friend of life. The one who can easily encourage someone. The one who can have more than a good time. The one that will try her hardest to be there. I can't think of a boring moment with you. From every hang out, party, phone call, vacation, fight, heartbreak, celebration, it has never been dull. You have a way of balancing the relationship. There are many ways you are the greater __________, yet you never fight or pride yourself for that attention. You simply shine. You carry a light that allows other to see themselves for who they are. You are my guide to my reflection for the times that I hate looking in the mirror. That’s often. You are the listening ear when I want to talk about the latest news that is of little importance and when I can’t get out of bed because the darkness won’t lift. 

There are times I’ve seen you fragile and weak, but never easily broken. You remain diligent through the pressure and you exuberate gold. You simply shine. Sometimes I wish you would be more selfish. I don’t want you to always be my superwoman, but you are. Through all the laughs, I’m grateful for the cries. It’s like the older we get, and the longer we talk, we go from cracking up to “sorry I don't know why I’m crying”. And honestly you’re my favorite person to cry with. And favorite person to make fun of our crying with. And maybe we’re (I’m) still problematic at that. I often think about the times in my old Third Ward living room. Days we spent on those couches because I had no bed and were living by the bare minimum. For no reason at all. We both were blessed with so many resources and yet we were neglecting ourselves. But we had so much fun. It’s crazy no matter what we go through, we just try to have fun. In this process of self awareness and chasing dreams and being responsible and all that life offers, we always try to have fun. 

You're a safe place. Anytime I do something crazy, you're the first person I know I can tell and won't judge me. Even if you make fun of me, I know that you won't make me feel like the horrible person I already made up that I am. Your level of empathy creates this safety net where I can just be there exposed but never drowning in my shame. You tell me the truth and when I say something annoying in response, you match the energy! Great girl. 

Anyways you're more than a sister, friend, daughter, wifey, etc. You are amazing soul who God made with so much purpose. You are so talented. You are always down to learn something new. You pay attention to details and find a way to tell a story, a feeling, a moment. And you got some almond eyes that are dangerous to look into! *insert something I can't say* 

I’m so grateful that God has allowed you to be here this long. I know I don’t take it for granted. Praying that this year is filled with joy, growth, and fighting for faith, love, and understanding. I hope this year is a year of finding more of yourself, sharing more of yourself, and loving more of yourself. You have so much to offer. You have so many things to celebrate. And I’m grateful to be there along the way to cheer and walk with you on this journey.

These words don’t do justice on how much I love you friend.

[mumuonmission]

You are Known, Seen, and Loved: The Gospel According to Red Table Talk

I recently shared a comment stating “SADLY, Jada offering more redemption & restoration than the church. #redtabletalk”. Regardless of what you believe on the situation or celebrity drama, there were profound takeaways from the interview. My comment was made from a place of frustration, and it is the baggage I sometimes carry witnessing the church, that is based on the foundation of Love, fail in properly restoring people. This interview does not explicitly speak on the Gospel truths of love, grace, forgiveness, redemption, restoration, etc. but it is what is offered and worth breaking down.

Back story: Last Friday, the masses tuned in to Jada Pinkett-Smith’s Red Table Talk to watch an exclusive interview between her and Jordyn Woods. To the world, Jordyn Woods is famous for being the best friend of Kylie Jenner. The reason she is being interviewed is because there have been rumors circulating that Jordyn allegedly slept with, Khloe Kardashian’s baby daddy, Tristian Thompson at one of his house parties.

Before the interview begins, Jada narrates a brief history of Jordyn. She introduces Jordyn as an individual with her own family and legacy. She then shares her affiliation w/ the other families involved. We then see Jordyn in the kitchen receiving short words of wisdom from Gammy & Jada before a FaceTime call from Will Smith. Will Smitth briefly shares a few things:

- He shares his relation to Jordyn who he calls Jordy. - He expresses his desire to be there in person to have the talk - He shows compassion to her situation and acknowledges her feelings of losing her father - He tells her that he has been watching her all her life and knew something would bring them here - He shares words of wisdom - He reminds her that she is supported and love - He holds her accountable to her actions and tells her to live in her truth

I thought about this part of the interview for a long time. Will could've told Jordyn all of this off camera. Most of the stuff Will shared, Jordyn and the family already knew. I believe they knew it was important for all of us watching to know:

- Jordyn is not a creation of Kardashian/Jenner. Jordyn was born into a good, hardworking family and has an extended family with the Smiths. They were clearing up her identity. - The Smith’s got her back. They’re words of compassion and encouragement were not blind defense, but the acknowledge that right, wrong, or indifferent, she has a support system. She is loved and cared for by the Smiths. - Will knew that watching her her whole life, that something would lead to public attack, and knowing that has prepared him for this moment of intervention. I can assume that the Smith’s understand the responsibilities and struggles with fame and used the power of a public co-sign.

Jada starts the Red Table interview reminding everyone:

- that she has known Jordyn her whole life - this is a sensitive matter that deserves compassion consider the route of humility because we are not exempt of falling short and feeling regret - the best way to go through drama is to come clean

I want to paint a picture of restoration through this episode of Red Table Talk. I will begin with what it means to be known.

Jordyn tells her Uncle Will, “you knew me before I knew myself”. The world knows of Jordyn from whatever they’ve read about, heard about, or even personally witnessed. But there is an intimacy with the Smith family because of this familiarity that they have with her before she was essentially born and able to understand who she is. To be known here is to belong. There are several scriptures that remind us how well God knows us. God knew us before we knew ourselves. And for believers, we belong to something greater than this world offers because of a calling that was made before the world was even formed. We are known by the God who created the world, but had us in mind before it was even a thing. The power of God’s unconditional love and grace is in that we contributed nothing in our association to God. Before we knew ourselves, and a more amazing thought, before the world was formed, we were chosen and thought of. (Ephesians 1:4, Psalm 139:13-16)

God knows us, and God also sees us. Will shares that he saw this coming and prepared for this day. I love that he shared this because of the impact of what it means to be seen. For many people, especially black women, the feeling of being seen is important. Being seen is a desire that we all long for from people that know us. It is also a desire that is terrifying. You can imagine going through something and feeling neglected. You can also imagine achieving something and not being recognized. But when you are acting up or have been wil’n in a way that someone who knows you may be disappointed, you reek of a shame that leads you to hide. We see this in our families. We see this in relationships. We see this in scripture. The desire to be seen conflicts with shame we feel when we believe the sins we have committed are too dirty to be seen. But what is the comfort in being known by someone that can’t see us? There has to be a love defined that states I see you as you are and what you are capable of doing and you still belong to/with me. God offers that love through out the Old and New Testament. In Genesis 16, Hagar flees from Sarai after being harshly dealt with and is in the wilderness. She encounters an Angel of the Lord that speaks with her, gives her instructions to go back and blesses her. At her moment of despair and shame, she rejoices to “a God of seeing”. What greater news is that for us on the other side of the Cross. Through Jesus we are able to rejoice in a God that sees, because of who He is and what He has accomplished.

- we are sinners clothed in dirty rags reeking shame because of a broken relationship with a Holy God - Jesus being free from any sin takes on our dirty rags and shame on the cross dying a necessary death to fulfill the wrath that God had against us -on the cross is evidence of an exchange that takes place. Jesus takes our sins. We take His righteousness. 

So what once gave us shame, leads us to worship because of a love that sees and reminds us that we belong because of an adoption of righteousness that we could never earn. To love someone like God loves us, is to see them in their authentic self and remind them of who they belong to in hopes that walk in freedom.

In this Red Table Talk example, Jordyn is reminded of who she is and is offered love and support. To leave it there, is to offer a cheap grace that says, “you are forgiven, let’s move on”. What the Smith’s offer Jordyn is an opportunity to face the responsibilities of her actions. In the history of public scandals, I don’t think I have ever seen an interviewer advocate for an alleged mistress. I don’t think I have ever advocated for an alleged celebrity mistress. What we got to witness was a conversation between two adults taking responsibility for mess that they have done. We see:

- Jordyn share her story and confess her sins - Jordyn shares remorse and repents - Jordyn seeks to repair the broken relationships and regain trust

I believe that the assurance in being known, seen, and loved reminds you to walk in freedom. We see Jada gently restore Jordyn. She is able to do that because it is not the world that validates her. She may be known by the world, but they are not who offers her a place of belonging. She is able to be seen in her filth because, she is already seen by those who love her despite the fact. If this holds true for Jordyn, it should hold greater for the Christian. The Bible defines a love that is unconditional, a love that we don’t deserve. Through the overflow of that love, we are to love one another. God saw us in our filth and offered Jesus so that we may live with one another, not aiming to be right, but to be seen and love one another. God didn’t give us the punishment we deserve, but offered us a costly grace so that when conflict arises, we don’t punish others or freely excuse one another, but that we restore our brother/sister gently. God redeems us from slavery to Jesus through Jesus. He was the cost of salvation. Our restoration of one another is not a price we pay but an offering of reminders in love of who we belong to, our worth, and what it means live righteously in our identity that was bought by the blood of Jesus. Restoration allows for Christians to walk and be seen because of the truth that set us free, Jesus. Restoration is not offering freedom, but a reminder that we are already free. What is shame to someone who is known, seen, and loved by God? My favorite quote by Tim Kellers says, “To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.” We are called to be mirrors of that love to one another.

One of my favorite Psalms, 32, paints this beautiful picture of God’s love and restoration. It is filled with reminders of who God is, who we are in Him, what He will do, our posture in midst of sin, and all of it should humble us to offer this same accountability to one another.

“Blessed is the one whose  transgression is forgiven,
whose sin is covered.
2 Blessed is the man against whom the Lord counts no iniquity,
and in whose spirit there is no deceit.

In verses 1 & 2, God says we are blessed not because of anything we have done, but what the Lord has done. Our blessing is not from us, but in the character and actions of Jesus.

3 For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away
through my groaning all day long.
4 For day and night your  hand was heavy upon me;
my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer. Selah

David acknowledges the weight and consequences of sin.

5 I acknowledged my sin to you,
and I did not cover my iniquity;
I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,"
and you forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah

David shares his confession.

6 Therefore let everyone who is godly
offer prayer to you at a time when you may be found;
surely in the rush of great waters,
they shall not reach him.

David offers advice for others to confess before it is too late. 


7 You are a hiding place for me;
you preserve me from trouble;
you surround me with shouts of deliverance. Selah

David speaks on God’s goodness.

8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you with my eye upon you.

In the midst of sin, this is God is proclaiming his love through guidance and counseling as He sees us. 


9 Be not like a horse or a mule, without understanding,
which must be curbed with bit and bridle,
or it will not stay near you.

Instructions of how ignorance and disobedience will fail you.

10 Many are the sorrows of the wicked,
but steadfast love surrounds the one who rusts in the Lord.
11 Be glad in the Lord, and rejoice, O righteous,
and shout for joy, all you upright in heart!”

Reminders of the love offered in trust that leads to rejoicing.

This Psalm is the Gospel. We are blessed in the same breath we have sinned because of the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus. We are able to rejoice and not hide in shame, because of the restoration Christ offered on the cross. If God did it for us, aren’t we more than able to love and restore one another? The grace that is shown to us doesn’t tell us that we are loved and that we can continue to do what is of the world. The grace that is shown to us reminds that we are loved and that we belong to someone greater than what this world offers. It is through beholding His love and seeing it as glorious, that we are transformed to look like Him, and live righteously as He already called us to be. Christians should be vulnerable because of the security Christ offers, yet we are afraid of one another because we believe acceptance comes from a human and not God. The reality is we all are susceptible to failing one another. But God already knew that. Even in our failings to restore one another, God still extends grace. Our love for one another is how God provides and sanctifies us. What would it look like to be a mirror, a reflection of the God’s love, grace, and mercy, in restoring one another as God has called the church to be?

[mumuonmission]

The Conflict of Sin and Shame

As a believer, I am aware that I am very capable of sinning beyond I can ever imagine. My flesh is weak & my heart’s desires need to be met. That’s how I am wired. Of course the Good News in this tragedy are the accomplishments that have been won through Jesus’ life, death, burial, & resurrection. I have inherited those victories by nothing of my own doing. The faith I even have to believe is a gift that I don’t deserve to show God’s love & in that His glory. But let’s take a second to break this down. I am naturally of the flesh. That is if I operate under my own will, I am following the devil. Any good that I do is actually unclean and seen as filthy in God’s eyes. I naturally want to do selfish things that glorify myself or other people/things that were created. Thousands of years ago, Jesus lived a perfect life. Although He was without sin, He suffered greatly and was executed on the cross. On one end, you see that He was punished for claiming He was God. On another, this was God’s intentional plan for redeeming His people from the slavery of sin. So that we no longer need to offer a sacrifice for forgiveness, but that God offers His own sacrifice, His Son Jesus, to be the propitiation (wrath satisfying sacrifice) so that we may be forgiven. God shows us that we are incapable of saving ourselves. There is nothing we could've done to satisfy that anger that is significantly greater than the whole world since conception slapping God. And there is nothing we could've done to make ourselves holy enough to be accepted. The sacrifice is our blood-bought ransom. We not only see God’s blood as a sacrifice for the forgiveness of sins, but a changed position in the eyes of God where we are seen as holy, pure, and righteous. The cross is where the substitution for our sins and God’s righteousness took place. After Jesus hung on the cross for hours, He was then buried for 3 days. God rose Jesus up with all power. This significance not only shows the validity of Jesus’ message and God’s redemptive plan, but the resurrection power and victory that lives in those who believe.

So let’s go back to my first message. As Tim Keller would say it, “(I) am sinful and flawed than (I) ever dared believe, yet at the very same time (I) am more loved and accepted in Jesus Christ that (I) ever dared hope.” The death and resurrection of Jesus doesn’t just offer unconditional love but the power to fight sin. We are able to fight sin because sin has already been defeated through Jesus. Then why are we still sinning? We are transitioning from dead, blind, people who followed the devil in our selfish desires to a free, righteous person, who has the Spirit of God living in us as we behold and follow, but we are not living under the full restoration of God. There will be a time when Jesus returns and we will be living in perfect harmony with God. Until then we are at war. We are fighting our natural desires with our renewed supernatural desires from God in the Spirit. It is a battle of flesh vs the Spirit. Every day we make a choice. Do we submit to Jesus or do we do what our flesh desires. You would think the longer you've been saved, the more desire you would have to follow God. Our desires to follow God come from a worship of God. We do what we want to do based on who we are trying to satisfy based on who/what we deem glorious. Meaning, if I want to do well on an online assignment that is asking me to not look at any resources for help, I can either prepare to learn the material, or I can prepare to cheat. That is the action. How I prepare for this assignment is a reflection of who or what I worship. God wants us to live righteously. That means if I have an assignment, I should do what is fair, honorable, and true. God does not look down at me disappointed if I don’t make a good grade on an assignment. God is satisfied because of Jesus. So from that position of righteousness, it doesn’t matter what my grade is in the eyes of the Lord, but because of who He is and How I view Him (glorious enough or not) I will choose between walking in His standard or not. If I choose to cheat, I am trying to satisfy a desire that I have that I don’t believe God has met. That desire could be acceptance. That desire could be power. That desire could be wealth, success, popularity, etc. What we fail to realize is that those desires are met through Jesus. When we view and behold God as glorious, our response is worship. When we struggle to see God for who He is, what He has done, and what He will do, we believing a lie about God. We are believing a lie about God that can result in feeding our “dead bodies” as we walk in sin worshipping something that isn’t God. We behold what we believe is glorious. We won’t obey God if we do not see Him to believe who He is and that He will satisfy us. 

The reason I felt the urge to write and unpack all of this is because of a conflict I felt as I was in this passive battle of fighting sin. I was chillin being lazy & I realized that I was comfortable with the amount of time I spoke to God. That amount was zero btw. I didn’t feel this urgency. I didn’t feel this remorse. One of the reasons this really bothered me is because I just heard a sermon the other day on “getting back to your first love” and practical ways to do this. Just the other day I was struggling with lust, laying down begging God for His grace and mercy to rain down on me. I felt disgusted that I was in this situation, but I was hopeful because I knew He was a God that hears, sees, and restores. But as days pass and my eyes looked away, back at myself, I began to passively worship-you guessed it- myself. This time the evidence of my false worship were disobedience in comfort. The difference in my attitude and response was that I wasn’t ashamed. Now I’m not encouraging shame because shame died on the cross. But I still actively participate in shame because of how others would respond if they knew about my sins. The proper response to sin against God is remorse, confession, repentance, and belief. But we tend to add shame because of culture. It could stem from family, heritage, church, etc., but when we tend to respond to our sins by how others would respond we risk responding from true repentance to damage control. I believe God is sovereign in changing hearts through our failures, but when we shorten our view of God, we fail to love fully. Meaning, God explicitly tells us how sinful we are, but He also graciously, explicitly tells us how “there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” The Good News doesn’t just say that we are saved from the wrath of God, but that we are loved by God with an inheritance like Christ’s, and there is nothing that can separate us from Him. This is a response to our sins. We remorse for our sins because we feel the hurt we have placed on God. Our sins put Jesus on the cross. But we can rejoice because we are forgiven and loved. We don’t have to try to repair what is broken. It is whole in Jesus. We are called to confess, repent, and believe this. That’s why we can confess our sins and celebrate like the words in Psalm 32. It is natural to feel the pain and hurt when we do something against someone we love. There are many things we want to avoid because we either don't want them to know or we don’t want them to be hurt. God knows and sees everything. God also laid all His hurt and anger on Jesus at the cross. There is no way to escape God in our sins against Him, but again the Good News is that we are loved just as we are and even more, God is transforming us still through Jesus. 

Two things really stick out to me here. If there aren't a category of sins that hurt God more than others, why am I responding to God differently depending on the sin? Another is, is my remorse based on my hurt and view of God or how others may make me feel? This is the conflict of sin and shame that I believe is harming the church. We sing so many songs of shame and desperation, but the Gospel sings the same song of redemption and restoration. What if we, the church, sang that same song every time? My hope is that I feel the same remorse for lust that I do for passivity and comfort. I hope that anytime my eyes wonder I feel the weight of the Gospel and not of man. And I hope that we can be a church that loves hard and restores gently without the negative influence of culture.

[mumuonmission]

2.16.17

satisfied, oh Lord keep me satisfied make my heart believe your mine that love does die that love died for me so I could have life that there was a price your blood shed for me perfect sacrifice I put you on the tree I rejected you. I told the lies but love set me free true love died & you died for me there was a price your blood shed for me perfect sacrifice you gave your life for me just to say I’m not satisfied & leave you regretfully your love remains it was never me & when I’m running back you really carried me I just wanna be satisfied Lord make me believe that love does die & that love died for me

[mumuonmission]

Free.

What do you call a Christian who preaches the Gospel and sins right after? What is that word people love to call us? A hypocrite?

Famous quote by a famous somebody, “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”

hypocrite: a person who indulges in hypocrisy.

hypocrisy: the practice of claiming to have moral standards or beliefs to which one's own behavior does not conform; pretense.

I thought I understood how this Christian life works. You profess your faith in Jesus and you’re gifted the Holy Spirit. You live a life of repenting & believing. You confess your sin, try to submit to God’s will, and give God glory in all you do waiting for the day you’ll be made perfect with God. I learned the beauty in suffering and sanctification. I learned Christ’s example of humility. I learned how He persevered and endured for the joy set before Him. I could go on an on about the beautiful, encouraging things I’ve learned about Christianity.  

I’m not a professed teacher, leader, or whatever, but I am on mission to make disciples who can make disciples. I meet with ladies weekly. We live out this mission by learning and living out the Word of God, sharing the Gospel, fellowshipping with one another, and encouraging one another in Gospel-centered accountability. I got in a habit of reading and praying daily. On a weekly basis, I usually attend 2 or more gatherings with believers. I usually have at least one conversation with someone every day about the Gospel and their life. I not only share the Gospel almost every day, but I usually hear it every day.  

I remember asking someone (in a judgmental way), “how can someone share the Gospel and not believe? Don’t you have to believe this and speak with conviction?” & he replied, “Sometimes you just gotta share the truth.” That message wasn’t clear until a week later when God made me aware of my unbelief. We sin when we don’t believe that Jesus is better than what we want to do. We sin when we believe in our will over the will of God. We sin when we don’t believe Jesus is who He says He is. We sin when we believe that there is satisfaction outside of God. We sin when we don’t believe who we are in Christ, FREE. And I sin a lot.

I have been pretty vocal on there aren’t levels to sin (as far as every sin deserves the guilty verdict and punishment of death) and through Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection we have been made righteous in the eyes of God through grace alone. I know it’s ONLY by the grace of God through what Jesus did that I could be counted worthy. I can be a mess. I am pretty transparent about it for the most part too. But I became more and more aware of my sins of unbelief, and for some reason I did not take them seriously. It was easy for me to suppress my unbelief, because it was disguised in “appropriate” behavior. I am a lover of comfort. I love to eat, talk, sleep, and REST. lol. Whatever that looks like. What I realized is my unbelief was masked in every day things I love to do but on another level. Not only did I seek these things for comfort outside of Christ, but I abused them. They were easy to ignore at first because they were acceptable things, but of course God wouldn't let me make it.

I was so prideful with what I was dealing with. I thought “I preach this Gospel every day and I don’t believe it? Nah..” I’m not stupid. I preach confession. I preach repentance. I preach believing! I don’t think because you preach the Gospel you’re sin free, but I did believe those who preach the Gospel did a heart check and believed in this message that set them free. Meaning as you’re on mission you’re confessing, repenting, and believing. I judged the church leaders around me with this thought. I also judged myself. I also thought because my sins weren’t gossiping, stealing, sex, murder, or even hate, lust, and other “acceptable” sins, that I could move on with my life. I did not see the weight of my sin. I forgot the cost of my sin. I was in this weird state of denial. I couldn’t admit I was struggling to believe, because once I admit how I feel I would be this hypocrite. My mind was filled with so many lies. I battled with everything I preached.

I finally wrote it all out. I wrote down why I indulged like I did. I wrote down what I believed about myself. I wrote down what I believed about God. And it was all ugly. They were lies I believed to be true. I knew the next step was to pray, read God’s Word, write out the truth, & to pray for belief. But overwhelmed with seeing my thoughts on paper, I cried. I put on some Gospel preaching worship music. I sent a pic of my thoughts to 2 of my friends, and they led me to the truth. I began crying out to God, reading His word, and I started to preach the Gospel over my issues. I started to rejoice in His truth, and I was at peace. I was at peace because I remembered who I was-FREE, & who set me free-JESUS! I remembered that my guilt and shame died on the cross. I remembered that LOVE paid it all to have my heart! I remembered that Jesus’ death didn’t just forgive me from our sins, BUT through His resurrection I have the power to fight sin because of Jesus’ victory over death. I can fight sin, because it is already defeated.

I started writing down the truth:

He not only saved us from God's wrath but the freedom from sin by changing our identity. That's by grace alone. Following the rules could never save us from slavery. The ransom was paid by grace & the power to stop sinning is through grace not the law/rules. Our goal isn't to stop sinning, but to live as freed slaves-> in our new identity, righteous. Again we are righteous by grace alone. So does a slave whose shackles have been removed, put on shackles themselves? Or does a person who has been released from prison, sit in the jail cell? No they walk free. Because they believe they are free. We walk with shackles & sit in opened jail cells when we believe sin is greater than Jesus &/or that we don't deserve to be free. You may want to remove the shackles yourself. Or you may want to break out of jail yourself, but the reality is the shackles are gone, the door is open. The power of sin died with Jesus, & the power of life raised with Jesus. So when we try to fight sin outside of living in the grace God has given us, we are "wrestling with a dead corpse." Our goal is to live in our freedom by believing we are free, by believing in our Lord who set us free. If following the law could set us free, Jesus died for nothing. Plus your standard of righteousness has been false. Gods standard is 100%. The law was meant to point us to Jesus, our redeemer. He fulfilled the law so that we may love Him & love others. In our freedom, His grace abounds so that we may love out of the abundance given to us.

"If ever I forget my true identity, show me who I am & help me to believe.”

I am loved because a God that sees my good, bad, & ugly died for me so that I could be free, because I am His, & will forever be His. No human could love me unconditionally. The evidence of love is on the cross. The evidence of love is in the resurrection. The evidence of love is throughout the scripture where God remains faithful to people who cheated on Him everyday. God's faithfulness is not based on me. He loves me because He is love. Evidence of His love is not in marriage but the greater covenant between Jesus & His bride. I was chosen & pursued. Evidence of His love is in the Holy Spirit that lives me. Evidence of His love in my freedom. I am free. His love is more than enough, Christ is all I need & His grace abounds to me to love from an abundance.

“If ever I forget my true identity, show me who I am & help me to believe.”

What do you call a Christian who preaches the Gospel and sins right after? A Christian. A Saint. A slave to righteousness. A child of God. You can call me FREE! 

“I did what you said I did, but I’m not who you say I am.” 

I am insulting a just, sovereign God when I place judgment on myself for not being righteous. I am either believing that Jesus’ righteousness isn’t enough or that God’s punishment wasn’t enough. Either way I am believing God isn’t in control. I am believing He isn’t enough. We need a Savior. Our Savior set us free. We need to walk in our freedom. And when our brother or sister has sinned, we need to remind them of their freedom. We don’t need to analyze the “level” of their sin. We do not need to tell ‘em to “do better”. We need them to believe. We need to remind them who died for their sins. We need to listen to what they’re believing, to remind them the truth. We need to cry out to the God who gives us the belief, so that we can walk in our freedom.

No guilt in life. No fear in death. The Gospel sets us free. 

[mumuonmission]

How to Encourage One Another in the Fight for Faith

“Just have faith..”

Faith is a very popular word with both believers and unbelievers. We all have faith in something. It’s a word that sparks a message of hope. Some people use it as an encouraging message in their own abilities.

“Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities!” - Norman V. Peale

Some people use it towards an abstract idea or cause.

“You must not lose faith in humanity.” -Mahatma Ghandi.

Some people use it to represent their salvation and hope in God.

“Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.” -The Apostle Paul

What does faith mean for the Christian? In other words, what does the believer believe?

Here are a few things: We believe that Jesus is God and Son of God. (1 John 4:15) “That Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures.” (1 Corinthians 15:3-4) We believe that through Jesus’ death, He has freed us from the bondage of sin and has given us eternal life. (Romans 6:22-23) We believe in the promise of rest. (Hebrews 3-4) We believe that even though we may suffer and go through trials, He is our source of strength, comfort, peace, joy, and love. (Romans 5:1-11) We believe that our faith is a gift from God that we didn’t deserve. (Ephesians 2:1-10) It’s not enough for a Christian to know these facts, but to actually trust what God says and has done to be true.

Trusting God can be compared to the dependency an infant has with their parents. That is how God is calling us to depend on Him. (Mark 10:15) Having faith looks like knowing God’s Word and promises. (Mark 5:21-43) When we’re faced with issues, we can speak life to our issues by meditating on God’s Word. We’re all believing in something. If it isn't God’s Word, then it’s of the world. God is our source of belief. That means when we’re struggling with belief, we can ask God to give us belief. Our faith isn’t in what we say or do, but who the source of our faith is, Jesus Christ. (Mark 9:14-29)

So what does it look like to fight for faith in community?

In Hebrews 3-4, the writer talks about a rest for God’s people. In these verses we see the failure of Moses and his followers hearing the good news. They did not enter God’s rest because of disobedience and unbelief. Since Jesus is the Greater Moses, the writer warns and encourages the Hebrews to not make the same mistake by being faithful to our promise of God’s rest. I can’t help but see the urgency in these verses.

“Take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart, leading you to fall away from the living God. But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.” (Hebrews 3:12-13)

What does it look like to encourage one another in God’s promise of rest?

Speak truth to one another.

We need daily reminders of the truth of God in our lives. We need to hear who God is, the accomplishments of the cross, power in the resurrection, the love of His grace when we are at our jobs, school, home, wherever. We are forgetful people. We get easily distracted. We put our hope and pleasures in all the wrong things. Whenever I’m having an off day, I’m grateful for the grace in community to remind me of where my heart should lie. What does it look like to speak truth to your friend, co-worker, neighbor, classmate, etc.? It can be an encouraging note. It can be a phone call. It can be grabbing a meal. However you choose to communicate, listen to that person. Don’t try to cross this off like a to-do list. Share the Gospel with someone in hope that they see that Jesus is truly better. Share the truth of Jesus so that someone can grow in their affection of Jesus. Share the truth of Jesus not out of fear, but love that they may experience rest.

Bear with one another.

We may find ourselves having no problem singing praise songs and having fun in our Christian walk, but the challenge in community comes when it’s time to share burdens. It gets ugly and complicated sharing your life with someone. Someone may get so comfortable that they start revealing their true nature and struggles. Someone may offend you and hurt your feelings. Someone may go through a loss and be depressed. The list goes on. Life together is so unpredictable and can be very uncomfortable. God calls us to trust and love Him as we love others. Bearing with one another involves speaking the truth of Jesus into someone’s life, EVEN when they don’t want to hear it. There have been so many times in my life that I was over “Christian living” and found my joy in other things/people. I can still remember all the people who didn’t give up on me. All the people who walked with me through all my rebellious ways and pointed me back to Jesus. I need this everyday. My hope is that I can bear with and be the same or more for someone else.

Pray for one another.

Praying for someone humbles you. You're placing your faith in Christ to provide the faith in someone else’s life. You can only do so much, and God is the only one who can change hearts. Praying for someone releases this false responsibility of trying to save or fix someone.

Here are a few things you can pray over someone: -a change in heart about sin -joy in Christ alone -healthy communication -patience and faithfulness -a desire to want to learn more and be used by God.

You may be saying and doing all the right things and this person may not get it together. You may barely say anything and this person may be in love with Jesus and on mission like crazy. God is calling you to be faithful and trust Him no matter what. God is calling you to love this person no matter what. God is calling you to encourage this person no matter what. Depend on God for strength, comfort, wisdom, and love to encourage one another. He is enough and He will provide.

Confess your unbelief.

You may not be able to encourage someone, because you simply don’t believe. You may believe that God can’t change this person. You may believe that you’re not qualified to help this person. You may believe this person isn’t worthy of your time. You may believe in doing your own thing over what God is calling you to do, and just like the Israelites you’re struggling to believe. You’re thinking how can I encourage someone when I’m struggling myself? The fact that God has even given you that realization may be evidence that your heart isn’t hardened like the Israelites. God is always chasing His people and bringing us back to Him. Confess your unbelief and ask God to give you a heart to believe that He is able. He is able to give you the belief in Him and what He can and will do for others. Confess to someone who could speak the truth of Jesus in your life. Confess to someone who will walk with you and pray for you. God will help us with our unbelief, so that we may believe and in joy share our hope. God will give us the belief to help someone else believe.

The promise of God’s rest is there for those who believe. I want to enter that rest together. I want to believe. I want to see people believe. We will experience Gospel transformation as we look to Jesus. As we look to Jesus, He will change our hearts. It is from Him, through Him, and for Him.

Are you a part of a community that encourages one another to look to Jesus during the trials and tribulations? Are you a part of a community that encourages one another to look to Jesus in our hobbies and pleasures? Are you a part of a community that encourages one another to look to Jesus when there are disagreements and fights? Are you a part of a community that encourages one another to look to Jesus “as long as today is called today”? If your answer is no, then it can start today with you. If your answer is yes, it can continue today with you.

[mumuonmission]

I will not grow weary in His love.

I am weary of the ways of the world.

I am weary.  

I am weary of the ways of the world.

I could never sit still. The issues around me break my heart. I was compelled by Love to act.

So I acted. I went. I served.

Unsatisfied with what I was doing, I craved for more. I read books and articles on great missions. I studied old and new social movements. I was reminded that hope is in Christ. I was amazed of what Jesus did and what He can do. Knowing the source, I craved for more.

Love compelled me to act, so I acted. I made phone calls, I visited homes, I shared the Gospel and my life. I committed to discipling women in hopes that they will disciple other women. I saw the power of the Gospel moving in our lives. Every week I saw women desiring to know God. Every week I saw Gospel freedom.

Still I sit here uncomfortable with where God has me. I’m 26 in the suburbs wishing I was anywhere but here. I see myself and my privilege and I’m afraid of complacency. I feel like I’m wasting my days. I see other people reaching more. I get jealous when I see the opportunities other people have to move, serve, and lead. I crave for more. I desire more resources. I desire more discipleship. I desire for more opportunities to fix all the ways the world.

But today I am weary.

I am weary.

I am weary not with the world, but with what I have to do.

I became so obsessed with what it looks like to act, that I neglected the source of my strength, hope, and rest. I became so obsessed with complacency and multiplication, that I started to sow into the flesh. And I grew weary. I notice things didn’t bother me as much. I disrespected my family and friends instead of being loving, kind, and gentle. I became angry at the situations in my life and envious of other’s. I struggled with what it looks like to be faithful and patient in communities I’d rather not be in. I grew so weary that I wanted a break from it all. I wanted to temporarily disappear. I wanted to neglect my responsibilities and just be at peace. I grew weary, because somewhere along the way I believed God wasn’t enough.

Paul shares Gospel freedom to the Galatians and he also warns them.

In Galatians 5:16-26 he says,

16 But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. 19 Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, 20 idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, 21 envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. 24 And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.

When I reflect on these verses and really the whole letter to the Galatians, I see how much I believed in a false gospel. I believed in my flesh. I believed in my efforts. I believed in people. I needed approval. I wanted to do more, even though I couldn’t even handle what was in front of me. I wanted to save the world, forgetting that Jesus is our Lord & Savior. I was singing, “but you know that a king is only a man, with flesh and bones, and he bleeds just like you do.” Forgetting that my King was God and man & His blood shed to set me free from this world. My complacency and dissatisfaction was a result of forgetting who Jesus is and what He did. The Gospel compelled me to love, because Jesus is Love & He died for me. In this there is peace, comfort, strength, hope. In this there is freedom.

In the earlier verses Paul says,

13 For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.

I wasn’t called to freedom to serve a god of missions. I wasn’t called to freedom to live out my missional dreams. I wasn’t called to freedom to force change and multiplication. I was called to freedom to serve in love, through the power of Love.

I ask myself..

What does it look like to believe in God and His Gospel freedom?

What does it look like to walk by the Spirit, trust where He has me today, and where He will take me tomorrow?

What does it look like to follow when He tells me to deny myself & pick up my cross?

What does it look like to depend on Him for hope, strength, peace, comfort, and REST?

What does it look like to be satisfied with God with the ways of the world?

“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.” 2 Corinthians 3:17-18

"You will become what you behold. You will be transformed into what you look at. The remedy is to look at Jesus."

I will “behold the glory of the Lord.”

I will “set my mind on the Spirit that is life and peace.”

I will “put to death the deeds of the body” so I can live. 

This is all through the power of the Holy Spirit. I could never earn God’s love. I could never work for God’s love. He chose to love me & through Him, He will sanctify me. He will use me wherever He sees fit. He will give me the desires and opportunities to bring social change through the power of His LOVE. 

I will not grow weary in His love.  

[mumuonmission]

Joyce

Because she’s extra, I’m extra, & I don’t want to wait for a memorial service to share what Joyce means to me.

Spring 2016 me: what was your name again? I only remember your IG, Barbie or something.

Joyce: my name is Joyce but you can call me Barbie, people call me that!

Eventually I found out that nobody actually calls her that. LOL

I first remember meeting Joyce at Resurrection Houston in the middle of our #lifetøgether series. But to really break down what Joyce means to me, I must reflect on who I was before I got to know her.

The #lifetøgether series went over the importance of Christian fellowship with the slogan, “Everything in Jesus is better together.” I was very comfortable with my close small group of friends, but I’m a very social person, so I was always around lots of people. I was complacent in how I was living in community, because I equated going to events with living life with one another. The #lifetøgether series changed my life. It showed me what it was like to love, forgive, and bear with one another. It showed me how uncomfortable but how necessary it was to speak truth to one another. It showed me the joy & power of singing to one another. It showed me what it meant to serve my family. #lifetøgether showed me what Gospel-centered community is supposed to look like. God was pushing me to make friends and build authentic community, but it was hard. I didn’t know how to make friends. I can be very loud and talkative. I can be very inviting and fun to be around. I can be relatively transparent. I can be all things loud, fun, rude, awkward, and annoying, but I couldn’t tolerate the discomfort of conflict resolution or hearing correction. I didn’t hang around people who didn’t accept me. It was simple. lol My friends accepted me, loved me, and corrected me (sometimes). But to branch off and build deeper-than-the-surface relationships and face people having an issue with me made me uncomfortable. God was showing me what it was like to build relationships and I was so confused and annoyed at God like, “Why do you want me to be around these people who are trying me? They don’t know me. They’re disrespectful. They need to get to know me before they come at me like this. This is why I don’t care to make friends. I’m good.” & of course the sovereign & loving God we serve, convicted me & brought me to humility on what this Christian fellowship was about, while sanctifying me into the image of His son.

That’s my brief testimony of how the Gospel transforms through life together. It’s important for me to share that because Joyce used to always tell me I was one of the nicest people at RH, when for a while I didn’t even care to meet new people. lol We were in cross train together. I would see her at family time with my missional community and at our summer Hebrews Bible study, but we were still very hi-bye-ish. lol It wasn’t until Courtney, Joyce, Yewande & I started going over Christianity Explained that I really got to know Joyce.

Joyce taught me how to be a nice person. She is seriously one of the nicest, happiest people I know. The kinda of joy that makes you wonder if she understands life. LOL. She has this weird, self-proclaimed, bubbly, personality with the heart to serve others. Her personality is so strong. I know how much she loves to eat, sleep, and all things fashion, but it never compromised her love for people. Of course this is my perspective and from what I’ve witnessed. This girl thought a lot of herself, but I’ve never been around Joyce to where she thought of herself more than others.

“God did not make this person as I would have made him. He did not give him to me as a brother for me to dominate and control, but in order that I might find above him the Creator.” -Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Joyce showed me how to see God deeper. I’ve had several conversations with random people about my faith. I’ve taught a couple of people Christianity Explained. Nobody has ever challenged me to see God deeper like this girl. We would meet up for our weekly lessons. I would usually spend half of the time on the lesson, half of the time socializing and eating. Joyce would spend the majority, if not all of the time talking about either the lesson, random questions about God, or sharing her life in hopes that all things would be reconciled to the Gospel. She would read and hear things and ask, “why?” & most of the time I would think, “Idk because the Bible says so?!” But reply, “oh I don’t know. I’ll look that up for you & get back to you.” After a while I started to wonder why didn’t I ask these things. I admire her desire to know the truth, not only to believe but to share. I started reading my Bible more. One because I knew I had to get ahead of her and these questions! Lol. Two, because I desired to see God deeper than a lesson.

I’ve known Joyce for less than a year & she’s seriously one of the best friends I never asked for. Her love for God & desire for mission encourages me like crazy. We started off learning how to share the Gospel, and end up sharing our lives. Every time we got together we would talk for hours about life. She allowed me to be me. She allowed me to be a teacher with all respect, grace, and love. She never judged me or made me feel unqualified. She allowed me to share the ugliness in my life with no fear. She never allowed me to stay in my sin and always asked the challenging questions in gentleness and love to understand why. She loved me for me.

“It is not experience of life but experience of the Cross that makes one a worthy hearer of confessions. The most experienced psychologist or observer of human nature knows infinitely less of the human heart than the simplest Christian who lives beneath the Cross of Jesus.  The greatest psychological insight, ability, and experience cannot grasp this one thing: what sin is.  Worldly wisdom knows what distress and weakness and failure are, but it does not know the godlessness of men.  And so it also does not know that man is destroyed only by his sin and can be healed only by forgiveness. In the presence of a psychiatrist I can only be a sick man; in the presence of a Christian brother [or sister] I can dare to be a sinner.  The psychiatrist must first search my heart and yet he never plumbs its ultimate depth.  The Christian brother knows when I come to him: here is a sinner like myself, a godless man who wants to confess and yearns for God’s forgiveness.  The psychiatrist views me as if there were no God.  The brother views me as I am before the judging and merciful God in the Cross of Jesus Christ.” - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Joyce had all of the right qualities in a disciple. She was faithful. She understood what kinda commitment discipleship took. She was available. She made the sacrifices needed to learn, study, and teach. She was teachable. Joyce loves to learn. I’ve never met someone so humble and so hungry to want to share the Gospel and make disciples. Even this past Tuesday, we were meeting for our last brunch and she thought we were going to discuss Chapter 2 of Mike Breen’s Building a Discipleship Culture. I was like “Joyce, you’re leaving. Let’s talk about life!” She wanted to learn as much as she could before leaving, so that she could be equipped to make disciples. She was my partner for the advancement of the Gospel. We would tag team in our weekly discipleship classes. I’ve watched her teach and share the Gospel. I’ve watched her serve her brothers and sisters in humility. I had all these dreams about how we would serve side by side reaching all these ladies in Houston and just like that she’s gone.

I’ve shared a lot about Joyce and her impact on my life, but I understand that this is only the grace of God. Joyce is clear evidence to me of the power of the Gospel. If this was about us, then I would be upset and discouraged. This goodbye of course is bittersweet, but the Gospel makes it beautiful. I thank God for Joyce’s life and all of the ways He has used her to sanctify me. I thank God for the boldness He has given her to be on mission where her life exists. Paul says it so beautifully in Philippians. Of course this letter was to the church in Philippi, but with a few alterations it is my prayer, gratitude, and hope for sister’s life.

“I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, 4 always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy, 5 because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now. 6 And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. 7 It is right for me to feel this way about you all, because I hold you in my heart, for you are all partakers with me of grace, both in my imprisonment and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel. 8 For God is my witness, how I yearn for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus. 9 And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, 10 so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, 11 filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.”

Love you so much Joyce! Can’t wait to hear about how God is challenging you and molding you into His image. He will be your strength and comfort.  He will be your joy as you pursue this next chapter. He will be your hope when the distance, the classes, and life overwhelms you. In Jesus name. 

[mumuonmission]

Gospel Freedom

True Christians won’t deny the freedom in the Gospel for salvation. We believe in the one true Gospel of Jesus Christ. The Gospel that Jesus is God and that He came in the form of a human to live and die for our sins, resurrected and ascended back into Heaven leaving those who believe with the Holy Spirit. But how often do we apply the Gospel to our every day lives? How often do we live out the assurance in Christ in our daily troubles?

Jeff Vandersvelt would say that we’re all unbelievers at times, whether our hearts are regenerate or not. If you're like me, you’ve lived more years without knowing the Gospel than knowing, so the Gospel may still be a foreign language. What does it look like to live Gospel-centered lives where we not only know the Gospel, but we believe in it, and apply it? Vandersvelt says, “A life of true living is a life of faith in Jesus, a life of believing in Jesus in the everyday stuff of life.”

Being Gospel fluent is first believing in the Gospel and God’s power to make us more & more like Him through faith in Jesus. That is sanctification.

“But when one turns to the Lord, the veil is removed. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.” 2 Corinthians 3:16-18

Paul speaks of the glory of Jesus being greater than the glory of the old covenant. My pastor once told me, “a sinner isn’t someone who breaks the law, for that would mean the opposite is following the law. A sinner is someone who doesn’t believe.” We have all struggled with unbelief even after being saved. We are Christians not because we abstain from sin, but because we believe in Jesus. We believe we are saved through faith in Christ through grace alone. (Ephesians 2:1-10) We maintain that salvation through that same faith in Christ. (Galatians 3:1-6) Salvation lives in us, therefore we live in freedom. God will give us the belief to behold Him, and through Him, He changes us. Believing in the Gospel is living in freedom.

Gospel fluency = Gospel freedom

We need to preach the Gospel to: -ourselves to fight the good fight of faith (1 Timothy 6:10-12) -other believers to encourage one another as long as today is called today (Hebrews 3:12-14) -unbelievers because it is the Great commission and it is the natural response to any good news we receive, to share it! (Matthew 28-18-20)

Here is a practice from “Gospel Fluency” to help you rehearse the Gospel. 1. Who is Jesus? 2. What did Jesus do? 3. What must we do? 4. What happens to us?

Take the time to think and write down the answers whether you’re doing this your self or with a group of people.

Here are some examples of what me and my friends came up with:

1. Who is Jesus fully man-fully God son of God sacrifice for our sins/wrath satisfying sacrifice - propitiation savior perfect man who lived a perfect life

2. What did Jesus do? atonement for our sins died on the cross resurrected made disciples abolished the law set us free comfort us turned enemies into friends got us adopted into the family healed the sick casted our evil spirits ascended into Heaven intercedes for us

3. What must we do?

confess our belief confess our sins repent believe get baptized

4. What happens to us?

we are no longer slaves to fear/sin. we’ve been set free. we’re children of God God lives in us we live on mission to make disciples

This exercise helps you break down the Gospel, now to apply it! If we believe in this Gospel freedom, we must respond to our every day issues with it. We must fight the fight of faith by believing in Jesus over any sin and area of doubt. A constant repentance (not just turning from sin-but what we believe in our sin) and trusting Jesus. We’re called to not only believe this but to share this. It is so easy to respond to the problems of others with our flesh. Sometimes we just straight up want to tell our friends unwise advice out of our emotions. But sometimes we mean well & try to give good advice but end up giving surface level “religious” advice. I don't think twice about telling my friend to leave a bad boyfriend or even give motivational weight-loss tips to a friend who complains about being fat. Both of these solutions aren't completely bad. They may actually be needed, but without the assurance of the Gospel your friend will not defeat their sin or live in their freedom. Good results do not equal Gospel freedom. How do we communicate in a way that not only leads to good results, but the belief that Jesus is better?

This Gospel Fluency link has several tools to apply and teach it to others, but I’ll share one way you can address everyday issues with the Gospel.

“What’s the question? Jesus is the answer. What’s the problem? Jesus is the solution.” -Tim Chester/Steve Timmis

To practice being be fluent in the Gospel you must take your life issues & speak Jesus (who He is & what He did for you) over it. You do this by identifying your sin & replacing it with the truth-the assurance you have in the Gospel. The night I taught Gospel Fluency to my friends, I did an exercise using several fictional characters with issues. We highlighted the character’s issues and spoke directly to each one with the truth of the Gospel. That night exposed how easy it is to know the Gospel but not know how to clearly apply it. That night was also hard for me because hours before I received bad news that made me feel like I wasn’t worthy to share the Gospel-lies of all lies.

I was at my desk trying to pay off my late fall semester fees and register for spring classes. I knew I had a hold on my account for my past dues, but what I didn’t know was that I was on academic suspension. My heart was crushed. My journey to finish undergrad has been trying to say the least. No point of discussing all the stress, foolishness, anxiety, etc. that has brought me to my 8th year. But this hurt more than other time I’ve failed in life because I was really trying to get it together. This was the year I finally got help and addressed the issues Ive been living in secret about. This was the year I was supposed to focus on school and love my family more than ever. I immediately broke down. I feared disappointing my family, mainly my parents. All they want for me is to make good grades, graduate, and have a successful job. I felt ashamed. I was ashamed of not only the amount of years I’ve been in school, but now the fact is that number is only getting higher. In my fear and embarrassment, I told myself I can’t teach that night. After about an hour of crying, I told myself I need to fix this. I stopped lying to my parents, so I knew I couldn’t hide this. I decided I was going to come up with this long detailed plan about how I was wrong and how I would work to be back in school and be better than ever. (religion) After another hour of crying and feeling shame, I realized that I had to surrender my thoughts & actually believe this message I was going to teach these ladies.

So I prayed, cried & asked God to make my heart believe. & because I’m more hands on, I took out some paper and decided to do the lesson I was going to do with the ladies on myself. On the left side I wrote out my issues (what I was believing instead of Jesus).

1. school/suspension - I believed that my joy and success was in graduating according to my time.

2. fear of my parents and embarrassment/shame from others - I believed in the approval of people-mainly my parents.

3. detailed plan to fix this - I believed in my own efforts in doing better and getting the approval

4. not wanting to teach the Gospel - I believed in my own righteousness that makes me worthy

Then on the right side of my issues I wrote down the truth in the Gospel.

1. My joy comes from Christ alone. Worldly success comes and goes and is relative. True success is what Jesus did on the cross. I am able to rejoice in that accomplishment because through faith His grace abounds in me. I can finish school in Jesus name, but I can not make it lord over my life.

  2. God saw me as enemy and through Christ He has called me a friend, a child, co-heirs, beloved, Holy, righteous, etc. I am approved by God. He loves me and He is never ashamed of me.

3. Salvation is a gift of God. I don’t need to work to earn God’s salvation or His approval. It is not my work or efforts that make me better. It is from God and through God, that I’m being made better. The grace in salvation leads me to do good works not the other way around. I don’t work for the approval or from my own strength. I depend on God’s strength and believe in Christ’s righteousness as my own approval.

4. The Gospel is the good news of Jesus Christ not the good news of me. I could never earn salvation or be worthy of being a messenger of salvation off of my good works. I am worthy because Jesus was worthy and when God sees me He sees Christ. I don’t share a message that gives life b/c I am good, but because He is good. His righteousness makes me worthy.

God broke me down, just to pick me up in His Gospel love. & In His abundant grace upon grace, He allowed my parents to share in His unconditional love for me at a time I was ready for them to insult me. 

I can only walk in His Gospel freedom if I believe in this Gospel freedom. 

This is one of many issues I deal with everyday. Not including the issues friends, family, co-workers, strangers bring to me. Will we be messengers of freedom or messengers of false hope? I cringe at alllllll times I have spoke “religious repentance” to myself and others. Telling people the truth of the Bible, but with the fear and motivation not to fall short. 

“Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” The Gospel sets us free from our shackles, yet we continue to put them back on ourselves. The Gospel has opened the doors of our prison cell, but we sit and try to figure out how we can escape. THE DOOR IS OPEN. We must believe the door is open and walk in our freedom.

It is hard. It’s hard when the world doesn't believe in Jesus. When they can’t trust Christianity because their eyes are blind, hearts are of stone, and “Christians” don’t show the love of Christ. It’s hard when you're in community with believers who believe in punishment and calling out your sins over bearing and loving one another. It’s hard when you go to sleep in tears because you don’t believe God is pleased with you. Gospel freedom is not only believing but changing this culture of fear and condemnation. We’re called to preach and show this Gospel of love, hope, and assurance to ourselves, other believers, and non-believers. It will be awkward, uncomfortable, different, scary, etc. but it is not in our own power. 

Paul reminds Timothy in 2 Timothy 1:7 that, “God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” He says this to encourage him in his faith in the Gospel through the Holy Spirit. He continues in verses 8-14, “therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord, nor of me his prisoner, but share in suffering for the gospel by the power of God, who saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of our works but because of his own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began, and which now has been manifested through the appearing of our Savior Christ Jesus, who abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel, for which I was appointed a preacher and apostle and teacher, which is why I suffer as I do. But I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed, and I am convinced that he is able to guard until that day what has been entrusted to me. Follow the pattern of the sound words that you have heard from me, in the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. By the Holy Spirit who dwells within us, guard the good deposit entrusted to you.”

We have to know the Gospel like we know English. We have to believe in this Gospel like our lives depend on it. We simply surrender. And when we don’t believe we cry out, “Jesus is better, make my heart believe.” I can’t get over the verses, “where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom!” I can say it and sing with the hope and assurance because He lives in me! I am free!

Believe. Share the Gospel. Change the culture. 

Tools to practice on yourself & with others---> Gospel Fluency resources: 

http://www.gcmcollective.org/article/gospel-fluency/

http://saturatetheworld.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/Excerpt-Gospel-Fluency.pdf

[mumuonmission]

The Fight for Joy?

It’s almost 2 weeks into the new year. Where did my desire to write go? So far this year has been challenging, but not in a negative way. God has showed me His love, grace, and mercy in the lives of people, especially in my fight club. I constantly identify my sins, with the intentions to kill em, but of course the heaviness of shame sometimes overweighs the grace that actually drowns me. 

What does this look like? I know I’m free, living in the righteousness I could never earn, overwhelmed by God’s truth. Like the song sings, “my fears were drowned in perfect love!” Drowning, sinking, this image of helplessness, yet in my case safety. It’s too good, it’s overwhelming. How can shame overweigh that grace?

The call for this freedom is to die. Die to my flesh & desires. Die to my fears, shame, & guilt. His grace, His love, His blood which satisfied God’s wrath is drowning me. This death gives me life, yet my mind tells me I am filthy. My mind tells me I am unworthy. Sometimes it’s the people around me that make me feel this way. Sometimes it’s the look of disappointment in a friend’s face when I tell em once again how I put my trust & hope in a man that will never satisfy me. Or sometimes it’s the look of shame from someone on the outside who sees me teach the Word, disciple women, tell me they expected more out of me, than my jokes, drinking, & ways of having fun. Then my mirror. My mirror that loves to remind me that my brows are not in place, & my hair is “too nice” to not be kept up, & my skin is too many shades too dark in all the wrong places. 

The reality of the cross is love that brings death. I never knew that kinda love. A love that turns enemies into friends. It’s hard to trust that kinda love, when the love you're used to comes with the comfort of one day getting hurt. The irony.  The feeling of pain being comfortable, because it’s what I know. But instead, God offers perfect love. On the cross, He took not only my sins, but my shame. That’s perfect love. On the cross, He satisfied God’s wrath by being the worthy sacrifice & has called me worthy. That’s perfect love. 

When my mind tries to tell me otherwise, when people point out the obvious, when my mirror speaks to me by the standards of this world, I want to be set free. I don’t believe in the waves of His grace. I don’t believe in the waters of His blood that washed away my sins. I believe in a life jacket. I believe in the life guard that I’m calling out to to rescue me. I’m waiting on that boat. But where will I go once they find me? What they offer are simple, instant lies. How long will I want to escape perfect love? What I am believing can never satisfy. 

I’m drowning in forever. I want forever, but I’m afraid. I’m drowning in hope. I want hope, but I’m afraid. 

I want the death that brings life. I want to rest in peace. I want the faith that follows His promises. I believe, Lord help my unbelief. 

#fightforjoy: Mark 8:31-38, Mark 9:14-29, Romans 5-8, Colossians 3:1-17

I started a journal to actively fight for joy in the middle of a very rough, depressing 2016. The journal was the accountability I wanted to daily fill myself with the Word, repent from any unbelief, and trust in God for joy in the fight for faith. I drifted away from my journal for weeks, this post is my first journal entry since Christmas day. 

[mumuonmission]

What I’m feelin..

I’m sitting at Discount Tire with my mentee and her siblings trying to figure out why I’m such a bad mentor. I take em to church. I take em out to eat. We have sleepovers and do fun activities. I’m looking at a pic of us from this Christmas party in our matching pajamas. I want to post it, but I’m afraid of what people may assume. I don't know what message the picture would send. Would people think, “oh she’s such a great role model.” Or, “she just doing this fo’ show.” I know I’m not supposed to care what people think, but I want to be honest in my struggle with mentoring. I don’t think I’m a good mentor.

I have a heart for community development. I am far from the education I need to even understand it right now, but that is where my passion lies. I love the idea of mentoring. It’s a great moral calling, right? I believe children need that kinda support system. I believe it takes a village to raise a child. I believe a big part of community transformation is through the heart of the children. How will they impact their community now & growing up? Are they complacent or do they want to move up the social ladder? Do they want to leave for good or will they want to eventually return. Do they value their neighbors and education? What are their relationships with people like?

I’m asking these questions and I’m realizing that I don’t even know how to build relationships. I would say my biggest struggle with relationship building is expressing my feelings, especially in my relationship with my mentee. I do all the things my parents and family members have always done. They fed me, entertained me, taught me right from wrong, but they never encouraged me to share my feelings. It was never necessary. They always told me how to feel and what was appropriate. But of course like every other kid, the world showed me how  to feel. It was through the music I listened to. It was through the people on TV. It was through the blogs and social media. & it all felt real, yet wrong. Then at some point in my life, it was the church. & the (real) church told me how I should feel based off of scripture. All my life I’ve been numbing my feelings to live this appropriate life. I hate crying in front of people, and I am a big cry baby. I love to love, but I hate hugs and other friendly affectionate ways to display it. I struggle with letting people know how I feel because majority of the time, I’m not supposed to feel the way I’m feeling.

Some days I wake up and I don’t want to get out bed and go to work. Ok those are normal feelings.. Sometimes I feel like binge eating. Sometimes I don’t feel like loving my family. Sometimes I feel like throwing a brick at someone’s car. Sometimes I want to sleep in church. Sometimes I just want a man so that he can pay for stuff. Sometimes I unexplainably just want to have sex with a man that isn’t my husband, let alone my man. I’m a Christian, how could I feel this way sometimes? The shame that I feel from knowing I shouldn’t be feeling a certain way stops me from persevering in my walk. I remember being in Haiti having a girl talk one of those nights and telling a group of women that “our feelings don’t matter.” & I said it because I didn’t believe we should move off our feelings. & I still feel like we shouldn’t move off our feelings, but I robbed myself from authentically fighting sin and growing in my relationship with God & people. I tell myself how I should be and try to make it a reality, or sometimes just ask God to change my heart without even addressing how I feel.

There is a comfort in telling God how I feel. Besides the fact that He is a healer, comforter, etc. He already knows how I feel. I remember when “Cranes in the Sky” first dropped. I loved and hated it. I have an issue listening to certain music because of how it makes me feel. Music makes me get in my feelings, but I convinced myself that I should only feel a certain way. But that song is me at times. “I tried” doing a lot of those things Solange did for joy. That was even my mood this morning, and it hurt to admit it. But I finally did. I finally prayed and told God explicitly how I feel. Then I surrendered. God changed my heart and comforted me in His Gospel. I was reminded of my identity in Christ. I was reminded of where my hope lies. When I look and see “cranes in the sky,” His light still shines. Whether I try or don’t try, His light still shines. The Son doesn’t stop shining. He is faithful and it isn’t based on anything I do. The assurance in Christ is so liberating. The fact that my life was bought by His blood set me free. The fact that I don't have to try is so freeing. I am free. Why do I enjoy captivity? Why do I put these shackles on my feet with the same hands that hold the key? I am simply, yet powerfully free.

I feel like this is the part where I declare that my relationship with my mentee, family, friends, etc. will be great. lol. Honestly, I still feel like a bad mentor, sister, daughter, etc. But my hope is in Christ to change things. I want the assurance I have in Christ displayed in my relationships with people. I don’t have to be the perfect friend, sister, daughter, cousin, student, mentor, whatever. This freedom allows me to let people in. This freedom allows me to have those uncomfortable conversations. This freedom allows me to embrace my flaws. This freedom encourages me to do more than serve people, but allow people to see me in my weaknesses. This freedom allows me to be vulnerable. This freedom allows me to share unapologetically. This freedom allows me to admit that I am in my feelings and it allows me to surrender. This freedom allows me to fight for joy. This freedom allows me to have real relationships, because I can be real with a God who loves me unconditionally. Acknowledging my feelings doesn’t mean that I’m defending the right to be in them, but surrendering the right to control them. It’s all Yours Lord.

[mumuonmission]

hope unseen Your promise remains heart transformed yet my eyes look away I want to feel Your love when my faith isn't enough I looked for it in men I looked for it in serving I looked for it in the mirror I looked for it in learning hope unseen Your promise remains heart transformed yet my eyes look away how can I feel Your love when my faith isn't enough I reached the end of myself there I saw death the irony that gives me life my soul finds ultimate rest my Comforter You tuck me in when I thought the faith was mine You remind me again I don't need a touch I don't need to see Love eternal my heart is at peace 2 Corinthians 4:7-18

[mumuonmission]

clean food, dirty heart

“All of those rainy days…” lol 

So I’m sitting at home during this flood eating some food. It’s day 18 of my whole 30 challenge. I made some eggs, plantains, and added some avocado and carrots on the side. I’m really proud of this meal. I’m actually eating a balanced meal of protein, carbs, and good fats. I’m actually enjoying my veggies. lol But I’m just thinking about what’s going to happen after 30 days. And how imperfect these 30 days have been. And how I can take a pretty pic of my food and encourage people to “eat for the glory of God.” How I can tell people that our bodies are not our own, that we were bought with a price, so we should take care of our temple because God lives in us. I was reflecting on 1 Corinthians 6:12-20. Reflecting on how we should respond to the honor God gives us by dwelling in us. Then I read this desringgod article.   

For years, I’ve been trying to lose weight. I can say since spring 2012. I’ve tried changing my diet (low-carb methods, cleanses, clean eating, etc. ). I’ve tried changing my workout regimen.. well I tried actually working out! lol (fitness programs, bootcamps, home workouts, informal trainers, got a gym membership) And 4 years later, I am at the biggest I ever weighed in life. I actually gained 10 more lbs than how much I weighed last year, about 20lbs than the lowest I’ve been in those 4 years. I’ve had a few reasons for why I wanted to lose weight. I wanted a before and after pic. I wanted to be an inspiration to short girls with long torsos.  I wanted to wear bodycon dresses. I didn’t want to be the fat one in the relationship. At one point I read and watched stuff on a healthy, natural body, so I went through that phase. And then it hit me that majority of my reasons were vain, and I realized that I wanted to lose weight so I could glorify God by taking care of my body. 

So why am I year 4 on this health/fitness life journey the biggest I’ve ever been? Because I was enslaved by it. Because I lived following the desires of my flesh. I  used to be an emotional eater. It was very bad. The kinda bad that after a bad argument will go to mcdonalds after giving it up for a year and end up ordering a kids meal 6 piece nugget, a hot-n-spicy, and a mcdouble for myself. I convinced myself that these kinda foods were good and these kinda foods were bad, but when my feelings were involved I just didn’t care. I thank God that I haven’t felt this way in a long time. I have been able to confess and repent from emotional eating and idolizing food to comfort me instead of God. 

So as I’m eating better and slowly working out more and more, I am motivated by the fact that God lives in me. I am motivated by the growth in my discipline. But I still struggle with convictions of doing something wrong. Though I am free from going to junk food for my comfort (thanks to God!), I became enslaved in my every day decisions on what to eat in normal situations. I can be at our church gathering and there is food that I told myself I shouldn’t be eating, and I’m just hungry staring at it. Or I forgot my lunch and there’s do-nuts in the break room, and I grab one secretly. So while I’m still struggling to keep up with this diet- the “right way” of eating, I’m still trying to motivate people to eat better, because our bodies are temples. 

In the same verses I am trying to convince people and myself to glorify God and follow the spirit in regards to our body, but I missed where it emphasizes our freedom from the law. The law isn’t a bad thing, it just couldn’t save us. What was meant to protect us, enslaves us. If I am following these rules on eating, even for the glory of God, I’m living under the law not grace. Jesus died on the cross, paid the cost of our sins, and reconciled us back to God. We were bought with a price. And even more, God allows the Holy Spirit to live in us. The motivation for eating better and working out shouldn’t be for myself, but the fact that God that lives in me. The way that I eat better or workout shouldn’t be a set of rules that I follow to see results, because that’s not how God chose to die for me, and that’s not how God will be glorified. God will be glorified when we eat and workout out of the freedom of love that He gives us. And when we fall short, we live in that freedom of grace. 

A bunch of thoughts come to my head like, “well is wanting to lose weight really bad?” or “how can I be disciplined if I don’t give myself rules?” etc. etc. Yes I am about to answer my own thoughts. lol. Our desires can either be spirit led or from our flesh. When our desires aren’t spirit led, we have to question, why do we feel this way? What are we looking for? Where is our hope in these desires? The desires we have expose our heart. A reflection on that should lead to prayer which may lead to repentance. As far as discipline.. rules aren’t a bad thing. The fear of being legalistic will have us conforming to our comforts. Having a list of things you should do to improve your spiritual life aren’t a bad thing. The freedom in maturing our spiritual disciplines allows us to choose Jesus and seek His goodness so that our lives may glorify Him, rather then seeing a list of spiritual things we should do to improve our lives to be a better Christian.

We are free to change our diet, wake up early and exercise, read & pray 5x a day, and all these other things. We are also free not to. The heart behind it all will show who/what we treasure. The beautiful Gospel gives us life in our successes and life in our failures. 

Here’s a GREAT article to read :) http://www.desiringgod.org/messages/i-will-not-be-enslaved-by-anything

[mumuonmission]

#SW hasn't been the same, & it's a good thing! 😍 What does your community look like? • #growth #family #missionalcommunity #13thDisciple #hope4thetre #resurrectionhouston

[mumuonmission]

I was gifted this book 2 years ago when we went over it as an #missionalcommunity. (2 years ago I was very foolish. Doubt I read a chapter) Was feeling really empty & felt like I should finally read it & mannn God really spoke to me in this book. This right here is a game changer! Will one day share my story(ies🤓). #counterfeitgods #timkeller #JIL

[mumuonmission]

When your #community becomes your #family #SouthSide edition. #resurrectionhouston #hope4thetre #missionalcommunity #familytime #command247

[mumuonmission]

When your #community becomes your #family #ThirdWard edition. #resurrectionhouston #hope4thetre #missionalcommunity #familytime