Headcannons that Thorin is a top tier Swooner (TM) when it concerns Bilbo Baggins. (And Bilbo Baggins has a Talking (TM) problem)
Of course, his swooning mostly comes in variations of infatuated sighs and INTENSE heart eyes, but by dwarf standards he’s practically fainting and falling into the arms of some innocent bystander because he’s just that whipped.
and this is enhanced by the fact that Thorin just tends to just make that FACE (we all know the one) whenever Bilbo does something that makes Thorin fall in love with him a little more. all the company members know that look very well (not willingly) by the time they finally reach Erebor.
I just think that if Thorin saw Bilbo really YELL at someone he would genuinely fall in love all over again. Because we all know that despite the amazing amount of emotional self control our favorite hobbit has, bilbo is most likely fully capable of losing his shit and yet still somehow retaining his manners.
and that’s super hot to Thorin, who communicates almost exclusively through barked orders and/or long, winded speeches!!! Especially when Bilbo gets all riled up and starts going off on someone! Like is there anything more attractive than seeing someone break into a wild, oddly eloquent rant and then verbally decimate whoever they’re talking to? Not for Thorin there isn’t.
imagine a scenario where it’s days after the battle, and the whole company has been in an uproar because the princes and their king have been teetering between life and death. It’s fortunately gotten to the point where their fevers have broken, their wounds are healing, and nothing is wrong except for the fact that all three are delicate and fragile and so very exhausted.
Bilbo is there because he’s been fretting over the sons of Durin obsessively since the battle, and has kept checking in routinely to make sure that one of them doesn’t spontaneously pass into the halls of their Maker.
When he’s not in the healers tent, he’s sitting outside with his head in his hands, thinking over everything that got to him to this point. and consequently questioning how he’s ever going to look Thorin in the eye again without turning tail and running back to the Shire, because he feels awful. at this point he’s just a ball of nervous energy and guilt and something else that makes him feel a lot like a haunted wife waiting for her husband to return from the battle unscathed
And for plot reasons, Thranduil decides that it’s a good time to send over one of his envoys to hash out (read: harass) how the hoard of Erebor is going to be spilt. for war compensation, of all things.
And of-fucking-course, the elf has that self-important “I’m a superior being” attitude, because apparently every single person that lives in Mirkwood forest is unapologetically so much better than everyone else.
And Bilbo feels a whole year—one whole year—worth of anxiety, fear, sadness, and anger snowball into a very potent rage, because how dare Thranduil send someone to hassle Thorin when Bilbo’s king lays inches away from death in a healer’s tent.
Bilbo lets it loose on this poor, unsuspecting elf—because the last thing anyone expects when talking with prim and proper Bilbo Baggins (without already knowing how mouthy he can get) is to be scolded within an inch of their life.
And by the time Bilbo gets to the part where he very colorfully describes exactly where the poor envoy can shove his “message,” that elf is already halfway through excusing himself and running out of the tent. Because he has important news for his king—that Thorin Oakenshield has gone and gotten himself a hobbit consort, and he is very scary, and that there is no way they will ever see even one coin of Erebor’s hoard, much less the amount Thranduil planned to demand for compensation.
And Thorin’s just sitting there in his cot watching—half dead but now fully awake—breathing out a little enamored sigh.
Fili and Kili (unfortunately also in the tent) are sending each other looks because they all almost died mere days ago, and they have to deal with this after they wake up?
Kili thinks he might spontaneously combust if he has to keep watching his uncle pine over someone so totally oblivious as Bilbo. he’s very fond of Bilbo, but when it comes to romance their burglar has rocks for brains. can’t he see that uncle has been all but throwing himself at his feet? and people say he’s naive—at least he’s smart enough say all his feelings out loud.
Fili is genuinely considering getting out of his cot (which he can’t, Oin’s orders) and locking the two of them in a room with the hope that they will finally sort out their feelings. And also get rid of some of that unbearable tension with a little kissing.
Not that he WANTS to think about his uncle’s love life (gross). he would actually prefer it if he never had to pay it another thought ever again, but that’s virtually impossible considering it’s Bilbo and Thorin. it’s been pretty much shoved in his face for the better half of the quest, and he has bets that he wants to win—needs to win, actually, or else Nori will be walking away with his portion of the treasure
Bilbo, after huffing and puffing to cool himself off, is a bit embarrassed about his outburst, knowing that he lost his temper in a space meant to be a sanctuary for three healing royals. Kili lets out an enthusiastic whoop. Fili begins a slow, impressed clap. both reactions make Bilbo flush a bit.
Thorin, however, is just staring at him with this oddly dreamy look on his face, but bilbo chalks that up to the loads of medicine that have been pumped into the king making him a little loopy. he’s thankful that the king is so out of it and not, well….his usual broody, righteous self. After all, if Thorin was fully aware of what was going on around him, he would surely grab Bilbo by the shoulders and banish him from Erebor for all time.
or worse, Thorin would look at him with that glossy-eyed look of utter heartbreak like he did up on the ramparts—and oh, if that happens Bilbo will really never, ever be able to forgive himself. some gentlehobbit he is, stealing from a king and then not wanting to face the proper consequences.
Bilbo doesn’t think he can handle Thorin hating his guts again—not after knowing his friendship, his affection—without going into cardiac arrest.
unbeknownst to Bilbo, Thorin’s brain is filled to the brim with thoughts that all loosely follow the lines of:
“Perfect. Excellent consort material. If I could move my arms, I would take out one of my own beads and ask you to marry me, you wonderful creature. Marry me. I can have Dain perform the rights, if you’ll just let me braid your hair—”
(btw if anyone makes art/writes a fic based on this you are legally required to tag me. sorry, I don’t make the rules, hand em over 🫵)
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