i was good, i was really good

film and series blog | will probably write her thoughts about it too

[musesofylane]

Act 2: Nigel Colbie

or my (ragged) character notes of Nigel from Like Minds in relevance of his name and its connotations in correlation to the film.

One that I would say is a character that we get to see through a keyhole. Only fragments that he leaves and how it lingers. Advance warning: I have tried my best to not go over or away from my initial notes because this boy got me asking more questions while arranging this.

Ironically enough, the name Nigel is of uncertain origin. The amount of baby-name-center and behind-the-name websites are tired of seeing me coming through again and again just to amass a common ground or at least a personal answer for this act. I have concluded with the generally believed theories from where the name falls to. In Gaelic or Old Irish origins, Nigel is derived from Niall which means champion or cloud. What was fun to note of was how it was wrongly or mistakenly Latinized, saying it was connected to Nigellus which means dark, but it was quoted as mistranslated in some accounts. So, to start: Nigel's early days at school and it was expected of how many will be curious about who he was and why he transferred, particularly Alex and his friends and considering Raj had informed that Nigel transferred to get away from some family problems and was a day boy from his previous school, St. Edward's—which I will add that, essentially, his name still falls within the Medieval period, it was a cool relevance that Nigel became popular when the Normans introduced it to England in following events of the Norman Conquest which St. Edward (Edward the Confessor) is correlated to (somewhat another easter egg I love finding about). To continue, Colbie is an established name variant of Colby, originating from the Middle Ages with roots from Old Norse (kol byr) and English meaning coal farm or dark settlement. Though, it was used as a habitual surname, a descriptor of someone who came from that place or anything similar. With that settled, these findings makes it more viable to Nigel's mysterious character in the film.

Nigel is like a mist: eerie and silent. Probably because no one can actually form an actual opinion about him because of his so-called aloof nature and being a day boy as aforementioned. The change is that this time, in his new school, Nigel won't be anymore. Rooming with Alex had given me the idea of watching a magic trick unfold. Nigel's own isolation ties to Alex's very own. Just different fonts. I like to think it that way because this is Nigel's change; one that is not as flamboyant as Alex's. His were low-maintenance, per se. Nigel was contented on being unbothered, doing well in the schooling part, going back to his taxidermy activities, and observing his schoolmates like specimens he will be examining soon. This was shown multiple times: in being unbothered of how Alex went through his trunk and seeing what was inside, just glancing at Alex for watching him go over his books late at night, or even when Alex confronted him when he was dissecting the bird. His dismissal was as if he couldn't really be bothered to do a part. I genuinely think this arc was him not really thinking much of Alex and just notes his attitude with no other conclusions. He just… assess what he saw and went on.

And I am actually invested in his connection in taxidermy and death (as Alex puts it). Though, I don't blame Sally for connecting the dots that taxidermy is similar to embalming. Taxidermy is preservation in plastering the skin of the animal onto man-made mount to be displayed, possibly adorned, and examined. Embalming is the preservation of the intact human body to delay its decomposition for public viewing like funerals (unless it'll be donated to research/educational centers). I personally headcanon that Nigel wants to be taxidemied, too. In this case, he did—figuratively, in Alex. In Alex's POV, he made Nigel be more sinister than he was. That it always Nigel who was plastering himself on him, telling of the things they can achieve together, of the holy wars they are to face together, and being united for all eternity; possibly to Nigel, death wasn't something to be mourned over. Death is a settlement and final verdict of what one has done in their life—usually with a goal. Nigel's last words to Alex were his declaration of settlement. Farewell and his advice.

To add, upon looking at film—which I paused—to look at the bird, I just had to see. After looking at the poor bird on Nigel's tray, I have gone a back and forth over the common birds similar to the film. I am open to any future analysis on whether I am wrong in this but I have settled that is was a magpie, I varied this over the beak structure and feather colors, it would have been helpful to see the tail too but… yeah. If I were to go with that, magpies' symbolism differs in cultures—I like that in Western, they're bad luck and in Eastern, they're good luck (which is what Nigel is to Alex; he was both). But in terms of the pending scenes after that, I noted that the symbolism of magpies can be of prophecies and the imminent change. It didn't help the fact that it they tend to have life-long mating habits with their chosen partner. I'll leave it at that. And ditching this symbolism when proven otherwise, swear.

In accordance with deliverance, as mentioned in Act 1, I cue the scene with Rev. Donaldson and the train scene again—they mirror each other a lot—this time in Nigel. Scenes before the class ordeal about Becket, Nigel never came up to Alex first. It was the other way around. Until then, the camera pans upon Nigel each time Alex debates with Rev. Donaldson depicts Nigel seeing Alex more than his notebook notes about him. His little mouth twitch and watchfulness were my indicators that he is listening now. Outward. Watching. It's like he's seeing that there was depth in Alex. That was the moment. Not to mention his little to no micro-expressions were very eye-catching, even in the train scene with Josh—or maybe it's just from the chloroform, really—his silence was his strongest suit, to be honest. That was why Alex was drawn to him and also the reason why Alex was annoyed, even more so when Nigel just looked at him after Josh fell. The same silence and watchful eyes, but in all entirety, the scenes that followed after have shown Nigel seeking Alex.

I like to think Nigel has a different kind of smart from Alex. He has always been calculative—manipulative. He had been watchful. The essay scene can prove it. Even if Nigel meant good intentions or not in giving him a helping hand, that was leverage. The next was the act of trying to act sympathetic, saying he was sorry to Alex for what happened to Josh and even tried to give him comfort (keyword: tried) that Josh was at peace now. It wasn't that he was trying to be in Alex's good side. It might be him showing Alex that he wasn't being passive anymore. He's intrigued, much better than noting down what he thinks of Alex. He's moving a piece towards Alex in their game, because the stakes were higher, no longer were they dealing with class ordeals and expressing dislike to one another anymore, their connectivity to one another was of a person dying in the process; one can't speak up about it, the other just doesn't.

By the time of the whole talk they had in the hidden room Nigel showed to Alex, I like to think that was the closest thing we'll ever get to Nigel being genuine (to some certain extent). He gives emphasis that Alex will be the first one to know of his place—dare I say, his home. The scene went on, and all I see is someone baring themselves for, possibly, the first time and possibly desperate to be heard. As if the was scene was made for us (the watchers) to see that Nigel genuinely thinks Alex is the one who will be with him, for them to be united. "We've been brought together for a reason." Nigel did say with something akin to a smile (to be expanded in Jack's Act). As I mentioned briefly in Act 1, Nigel coaxing Alex that he is Jack is prominent (him calling Jack even if Alex expresses distress about it), and this went on until the end of the film.

Deciding to include this. In my initial writings, I concluded a possible occurrences in point to Nigel's side (which we'll never know, really): a) In the act of being free from his isolation, Nigel is relieved that someone can be similar to him, cue in Alex. That he wouldn't have to bear the burden alone, cue in them being chosen. b) Inherent displeasure of Alex not seeing the way he did when possibly Alex knew the Order as much as Nigel did growing up. c) Having to settle with the acceptance or fact that the person he thought that was chosen to understanding him through and through didn't want to. I correlated these thoughts in the knife confrontation, the connotations of Nigel speaking that Alex got to him first, really twist the plot regardless of which point of view you look at it. Nigel got the taste of (so-called) familiarity, and like any other human would be, he'd chase it down if needed be. That Alex invoked him first. Genuinely, it is a question of who stabbed who first.

All in all, Nigel's character will always be incomplete, seeing as we all see him through Alex, who also twists everything as he does. Nigel is the symbolism that will be used in any means possible; who he was to his parents (to be expanded in Maraclea's Act), to Alex, in Jack, to Sally, and the others. Truth be told, even when polishing this, it felt to me that Nigel was hollow, not that he was, but because that's all of he was in the narrative. Even with or without Alex's commentary or twists, Nigel did what he wanted to be, an implement for killing—whatever it means necessary.

End of notes.

[vault-of-crows]

Eeeeee - doodle accidentally turned into actual piece based on that one post about Nigel accompanying Alex in his thrill seeking endeavors

The next morning doodle

[jxckofspades]

— nigel colbie moodboard

[applebostick]

posting an edit onto every platform before tiktok feels great

yay like minds (2006) edit!!

[midnight-mooney]

Miss them (I watched it the other day)

[phantom-spector]

Thinking of an AU where Nigel and Alex meet when they're younger at a boring church meet up with their fathers, eventually run away together in their teens, pulling a Moonrise Kingdom (2012) and they don't go back.

[knifecrimeisnotok]

hes so pretty even when traumatized

[sekhonda]

Some of my favorite gays growing up and I just know that says something CRAZY about my love language

[laurelwen]

Excerpt from "A Primer for the Small Weird Loves" by Richard Siken

[Like Minds Aesthetic Masterpost]

[theoryofwhatnow]

incredibly fascinated by the idea of nigel being in love with- not helen and not susan- but maraclea.

him having so much adoration for the instrument of an ancient myth that it becomes the closest thing he’ll ever experience to true love which he can only conjure into reality through the exploitation and desecration of another woman/girl.

[randomrabbys]

yes, that is all I have to say to this. it is absolutely gut-wrenching to believe that Nigel was in love with maraclea. And we don't even know for how long that Nigel has harbored this obsession/affection for her and the myth. how many years did he spend captivated by the idea of her until he finally began his plan.

and (slightly unrelated, but still relevant) the fact that Nigel not only wants a maraclea for himself, but he also ties in Alex. he could take who he uses as his maraclea without Alex's involvement, but he believes that Alex also needs a maraclea to be his true love as well. to love properly. or rather believe that Susan is Alex's maraclea because 'why else would Alex be interested in her ' perhaps his idea and interpretation of love comes from the myth.

[laurelwen]

Torturing you with this question in the format of an ask instead of DMs bc I'm awful and evil

Do you think that Alex specifically thinks of heaven, or any similar concept of an afterlife as something that exists? And if so, do you think he believes he (and maybe Nigel) are going to The Good Place™?

I know this is incredibly nuanced and I think have a general idea of what your thoughts on Alex's faith/spirituality are. I also know that this will be a pain to answer so take all the time you need >:) Mostly just interested in your opinion so feel free to diverge from the source material as much as you please

The biggest trick for me in answering this question is trying to separate out my own head canons--heavily informed by a couple years of talking about him in the context of AUs--from simply what we know or can surmise about him in canon itself.

Let's start with faith. I think the Alex we are shown in the movie does not have any particularly strong faith in God or adherence to religion or spirituality. We do not see him engaging in or talking about or showing deference to any sort of Christian practices or beliefs.

He attends a school which is at the very least by default rich white Western Christian, and he grew up in a world full of secular cultural Christianity, an intrinsic part of the fabric of British society. While the students sing a (very universal) Christian hymn in their morning assembly, we don't see anyone engaging in religious practices. No one prays, or attends services, or anything like that. Reverend Donaldson is a man of the cloth and their history lesson is focused on religious history, but the story of Thomas a Becket is very much also British history. The feeling I get from all of this is that this is a Christian environment because that's simply the way the world is constructed for people in their location and background, but it all feels very much like a formality--going through the motions that are expected. Reverend Donaldson is the only person I see displaying any true conviction and faith, feeling the need to defend the church to which he's devoted his life against Alex.

And that's where I think we get the most insight into Alex's feelings on religion and God. He insists on undermining the narrative that Thomas a Becket was martyred in the defense of Christianity by pointing out that the entire affair was in fact politically motivated (a topic I cover in this post). His challenge to the Christian myth of Becket's sainthood is immediately followed by further examples of the Church's hypocrisy. He demonstrates that he's well read on this topic which indicates a high level of interest - certainly they weren't teaching him these ideas in his classes and no one happens to study the Cathar heresy by accident.

It's worth mentioning that the next scene indicates he might have staged this argument very intentionally in order to provoke his father to visit his room to chastise him ("I thought that might get you up here.") Regardless of his motivation, the knowledge and sentiment are still already present and show us that he's been studying these things for some time. At the very least, I think this scene shows us that Alex questions and challenges rather than accepts what he is taught in blind faith. What it doesn't tell us is what he really does believe. One can question the institution of the Church while still believing in God and the tenets of the Christian faith.

When I combine this observation with the rest of the movie, the feeling I get is that Alex doesn't have any particularly strong faith. He seems rather to be inclined to reject external authority imposed on him from any source. I also don't get the feeling that he's necessarily atheist; his questioning nature is one that might place him in the agnostic category if nothing else. He doesn't have a strong belief in God or a rigid adherence to the meanings inscribed onto that word by his default religion, and possibly doesn't spend a lot of time contemplating these questions. His concerns lie in the secular, material world and in the human powers that shape and control it.

As someone focused on the worldly and not paying much attention the spiritual, I think Alex would not give much thought to the question of the afterlife and what shape it takes. Along with his default Christianity, he would likely hold the concept of Heaven and Hell in the fabric of his worldview but without much in the way of strong belief in either. To the extent he believes that such states exist, he would also understand the "rules" on who goes where after they die. He's not big on rules, our Alex, and without that faith, he won't really follow the rules out of fear of future punishment or reward. This doesn't stop him from being able to understand that according to the rules, this does predetermine he will go to the Bad Place, but does he really believe that the Christian rulebook is correct?

I'm ranging far into head canon territory here since there's so little textual evidence to base an opinion on, but I think he and Nigel both have their own personal takes on God and the cosmos that deviate significantly from the standard Christian view. Neither one of them conforms to the expectations or norms of their environment, so it just feels natural that they would forge their own ideas about this realm as well. If Alex does create his own framework and belief system, there's nothing to say he won't also create his own rules about the afterlife, rules which might even be tailored to serve his own interests and affirm his behavior as justifiable or righteous. Nigel seems more likely to think that way, but by the end of the movie, I think Alex has internalized enough of Nigel's belief system to also adopt that view. A boy without much direction or purpose when we first see him, Alex at first rejects what Nigel is selling--but I think in the end he does absorb it and adapt it for his own purposes.

You might call Alex mentally disordered, disturbed, evil, or villainous...but people in any of those categories are often known for believing their actions are morally good or at least justified and excusable. He is exactly the type of person who thinks they're exempt from the mundane rules that apply to other people. Much like Greg's inspirations, Leopold and Loeb, I think he'd be very likely to read about Nietzsche's idea of the ubermensch and pervert it to justify his belief in his own superiority and thus use it as his carte blanche to sidestep human laws and moral codes. If Alex is now embarking on a journey to fulfill some Higher Calling or Destiny and feels that his actions are infused with divine purpose, he could absolutely believe that he (and Nigel) will be going to his idea of "Heaven". I think about Hannibal's iconic line to Will:

Killing must feel good to God too. He does it all the time. And are we not created in His image?

And I compare it to Alex's opening lines in the movie:

All I can tell you is that the heavens were falling.  The sound, oh….the sound, it was incredible.  It was like the gods were rejoicing for what was done.

Whether you think Alex killed Nigel or Nigel killed himself, this reaction to Nigel's death has the same energy as Hannibal's sentiment. I think this is the moment that really radicalizes Alex to Nigel's cause, this is his epiphany and the whole reason that Nigel "had to die". This is also why I think Alex Forbes absolutely goes on to kill more people, for what better rush is there than the feeling of god-like power he can experience when taking someone's life? If post-movie Alex has a religion, it's one that centers himself (and Nigel?) and discards other people as inferior and insignificant. If this sounds like sociopathy/Antisocial Personality Disorder, it probably should because our boy definitely has some traits from that set of symptoms.

In the end, yeah, he probably does think he's going to his own conception of The Good Place, and Nigel must inevitably go with him. They're one now, after all. For eternity.

Like Minds Masterpost - Main

[gali-in-distress]

"When I see the devil's eyes • a current travels down my spine • You found me

A drag path • etched in the surface as evidence • I left there on purpose

A sad sack • laying on the surface

Can you find me?

I dug my • heels into the gravel as evidence • for you to unravel

A drag path • etched in the surface

Can you find me?

Would you please, hurry?"

Drag Path by Twenty One Pilots

For @laurelwen

[laurelwen]

Normal Conversations

Like Minds Masterpost - Text Posts

[theoryofwhatnow]

like minds text post part 33

[not-a-heretic]

a shoeless child on a swing

[llyordroyrce-deactivated2026032]

What are the emotions here? Shocked, horrified, satisfied, amused? So many feelings under ten seconds. Nigel did not die immediately. He might convulse violently in the pool of blood and gore of his own brain. Alex stood there, first shocked of the horror of the scene, then slowly felt pleased when his tormentor finally suffer. That satisfaction lasted for a few seconds before Nigel’s remaining eye was slowly drained out of life.

How long did Alex stand there after that? It’s quite an interesting directing choice to just show the beginning and the end of Alex’s emotional breakout, nothing in between, and the beginning of it was at the end of the movie while the end, when Alex cuddled Nigel’s body, was shown at the very beginning.

And in the beginning, all the gore, all the blood is censored by angles, cleaned by the rain. This scene is a mixed between third person narration and Alex’s own memory. There are five layers of narrative in the film: Alex’s telling, true story, Sally’s interpretation, Alex’s memories and viewers’ interpretation. The true third person narration scene is the scene showing Susan’s death in graphic detail, but in this scene, the reality is changed by how Alex wants it to be. Also, this scene is not one of the lies that he tells Sally but he is remembering it, and as he remembers, his precious boy is not contaminated by anything (I don’t think Alex tells McKenzie about this. He did tell the police the events occurred but I don’t think he did it in detail like when he talks to Sally. Hence, this is still in his memory, mingling with the view of the omniscient narrator).

Also, this scene.

“You’re deluded.”

“Why? Why am I deluded?”

Alex’s eyes. His eyes. As if begging Nigel to stop this insanity, to stop torturing himself with his own mind. Then Nigel also had this begging stare, pleading for Alex’s understanding.

Nigel’s voice at the end. Why does “pray for me” sound like a kid, but “pray for yourself” sound so mature, so sure? Was he scared? Did that fear rapidly go away as he reached the trigger? Is that really what happened? If the scene at the beginning was a mix between third person narration and Alex’s emotions, this scene was a mix among Alex’s lies, Alex’s emotions, and third person narration. Nothing was solid. Nothing was sure. I wondered how Sally would interpret this scene. How she interpreted the train scene was vaguely shown, but how did she think of THIS scene? Maybe I need another rewatch.

[incestualangel]

This one is my favorite